I am broken-hearted to learn that the Italian horror icon, Giovanni Lombardo Radice, has passed away. RIP, Johnny. He was a good actor, a fascinating intellect, and a witty conversationalist, one who was always willing to take the time to talk to his fans. I once wrote about a dream that I had after watching one of the films in which he appeared. (I think it was Cannibal Apocalypse, if just because the DVD included a lengthy interview with him in which he made quite an impression as a well-read and well-spoken actor who just happened to appear in very graphic horror films.) I was having to look after two hyperactive children who, in the dream, were apparently his kids. (Before anyone reads too much into the dream, I was not the mother. I was just the babysitter.) He replied, “Perhaps actors in monster movies have monster children.” He also loved animals, followed politics, translated Shakespeare, spoke glowingly of Fulci and Deodato, and never hesitated to talk about how much he hated Cannibal Ferox. I always hoped that he would one day get the comeback he deserved. He had a small role in Gangs of New York and a slightly bigger one in The Omen remake. Tarantino raved about him. A true gentleman, he will be missed by all.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Let’s set sail for adventure!
Episode 2.11 “Heads or Tails/Mona of the Movies/The Little People”
(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on November 25th, 1978)
The Love Boat crew is super excited because the glamorous movie star, Mona Maxwell (Rhonda Flemming), is going to be on the cruise. Apparently, this is not her first time to sail on the Love Boat. Captain Stubing can’t wait to get reacquainted with her. The walking HR nightmare that is Doc Bricker can’t wait to flirt with her. Artie D’Angelo (Orson Bean), a passenger who owns a chain of garages, is shocked to see that his favorite movie star in on the boat.
Artie may be a big fan of Mona’s but, whenever he tries to talk to her, he finds that he simply cannot find the words. With Doc’s help, Artie finally works up the courage to ask Mona to have dinner with him. Mona accepts and the two of them soon find themselves falling in love. The only problem is that Artie just cannot bring himself to believe that a big movie star like Mona would be interested in a guy like him. Really, Artie is being way too hard on himself. He’s a likable guy! And, fear not, he and Mona leave ship arm-in-arm.
Meanwhile, two frat dudes — Alex (Adam Arkin) and Wally (Richard Gilliand) — have made a bet over who will be the first to sweep Julie off of her feet. When they start the betting, it’s for money but eventually, they decide to just bet a pizza. Julie spends time with both of them and has fun, especially with Alex. But then a jealous Wally reveals the truth about the bet and Julie announces that she doesn’t want anything else to do with either of them. Gopher tells Julie that she should actually be flattered that the two guys were both so determined to date her. Apparently deciding that she’s not really bothered by the fact that both of her suitors just spent an entire weekend lying to her, Julie forgives them and then says that she’s going to spend an equal amount of time with both Alex and Wally so neither one of them will win or lose the bet.
Finally, Doug Warren (Edward Albert) is on the cruise with his parents, who are celebrating their anniversary. Coincidentally, Doug’s co-worker, Beth (Patty McCormack), is also on the cruise! Doug and Beth quickly fall in love but then Beth is freaked out when she sees two little people in the ship’s lounge. She explains to Doug that little people make her nervous. She always worries about what would happen if her child turned out to be a little people. What she doesn’t know is that the little people — Ralph (Billy Barty) and Dottie (Patty Maloney, who also guest-starred on the famous disco-themed episode of The Brady Bunch Hour) — are Doug’s parents!
Without telling Beth why, Doug says that he can no longer see her. A heart-broken Beth goes to the Acapulco Lounge where she gets into a conversation with Ralph and Dottie. She discovers that Ralph and Dottie are just like everyone else and she also finds out that Doug is their very tall son. She tells Doug that she’s no longer worried about their potential children being little people and …. you know, this plot line is just ridiculous. Beth is prejudiced against people based on their height and she’s basically told Doug that she would freak out if her child was anything other than “normal.” And yet, Doug and his parents act all excited when Beth announces that she still loves Doug, regardless of who his parents are. Doug, sweetie — you can do better!
I definitely had mixed feelings about this episode. Orson Bean and Rhonda Fleming were both perfectly charming in their storyline but the other two stories were both pretty icky. I spent the entire episode waiting for Julie to tell off Alex and Wally and for Doug to tell off Beth and, in both cases, it didn’t happen. This was definitely not one of the better cruises of the Pacific Princess.
Hopefully, next week’s destination will be a bit nicer.
4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
126 years ago, on this date, Douglas Sirk was born in Germany. He would start out his career as a stage director in Germany before coming to the United States in 1937. In the U.S., he made his mark as the director of a series of lushly visualized and often over-the-top melodramas. Never a critical favorite, Sirk was rediscovered and his reputation rehabilitated when film students and critics started to reexamine his work in the late 60s and the 70s. Once dismissed as the maker of tawdry (if popular) melodramas, Douglas Sirk is now seen as a subversive master of irony, one who used his melodramas to comment on American society. It’s fair to say that, without the films of Douglas Sirk, there would be no Lifetime today.
It’s time for….
4 Shots From 4 Douglas Sirk Films
Magnificent Obsession (1954, dir by Douglas Sirk, DP: Russell Metty)
All That Heaven Allows (1955, dir by Douglas Sirk, DP: Russell Metty)
Written on the Wind (1956, dir by Douglas Sirk, DP: Russell Metty)
Imitation of Life (1959, dir by Douglas Sirk, DP: Russell Metty)
Today’s music video of the day comes from the one and only Nick Cave. John Hillcoat, the director of this video later went on to direct films like The Road and Lawless.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, we’ve got a weird one!
Episode 2.19 “Spending Spree/The Hunted”
(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on February 24th, 1979)
What a weird episode! This week, we have two fantasies, neither one of which belongs with the other.
The first fantasy is this silly thing where two best friends win a shopping spree. In order to win a bigger prize, Sally Glover (Diana Canova) and Esther Bolling (Lola Falana) have to spend several thousand dollars in Fantasy Island’s shopping district.
(It’s always strange to me how some episodes present Fantasy Island as being a resort while others present it as being a thriving little nation with its own economy, culture, cities, and villages. If you’re a citizen of Fantasy Island who doesn’t work for Mr. Roarke, do you still call the place Fantasy Island or does it have a real name? Do you tell people, “I was born on Fantasy Island but then I came to mainland when I was 11 to study the culinary arts?” My hope is that the natives of Fantasy Island are called Fantasians.)
Sally and Esther are excited to spend their money but then Mr. Roarke adds a twist. They will be competing against each other. The first one to spend all of her money gets a prize. The other one gets nothing. If they both fail to spend all of their money, they both lose. So, of course, Sally and Esther go crazy competing against each other. In the end, though, they both realize that they would rather be friends than for one of them to be a loser.
That’s a nice message but I’m really not sure what their fantasy was to begin with. It seems like Mr. Roarke invited two lifelong friends to the Island and then decided to play games with them for his own amusement. In this episode, we get a return of the vaguely sinister Mr. Roarke who appeared in some of the early first season episodes.
Speaking of sinister, the other fantasy involves Stuart Whitman in the role of Charles Wesley, the world’s most famous big game hunter. (I assume he inherited the title after Darren McGavin died last season.) Whitman’s fantasy is to take part in a great adventure. So, Mr. Roarke hands Wesley a camera and tells him to “shoot a picture” of dictator General Lin Shun (James Shigeta). General Lin Shun rules the national of Chung Tu with an iron fist but he apparently spends all of his time at his compound of Fantasy Island.
Wesley gets the picture but also gets captured by Lin Shun’s men. Lin Shun explains that he will now hunt Wesley through the jungles of Fantasy Island. It’s like a game. In fact, you might call it The World’s Most Dangerous Game! Wesley learns what it’s like to be hunted. Fortunately, at the last minute, Col. Chen (Khigh Dhiegh), the general’s aide, turns against Lin Shun and arrests him. Interestingly enough, it appears that Mr. Roarke is the one who told the colonel to arrest Lin Shun and take over the nation of Chung Tu. Charles Wesley tosses away his rifle and swears that he’ll never hunt again but I’m more interested in the fact that Mr. Roarke has apparently taken over another country.
Like I said, this was a weird episode. The shopping spree stuff didn’t really seem to fit in with Stuart Whitman desperately running through the jungle. This episode also found Mr. Roarke in an uncommonly manipulative and foul mood. This episode left me wondering just what exactly is going on behind the scenes of the resort.
Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to the great Al Pacino.
Today’s scene that I love comes from 1972’s The Godfather, in which Al Pacino plays Michael Corleone. In this scene, Michael, having just taken over the Corleone family, pays a visit to Vegas. He meets his brother Fredo (John Cazale), who has certainly changed from being the meek person that he was in New York. He meets the singer Johnny Fontana (Al Martino), who owes a favor to the Corleones. And he meets Moe Greene (Alex Rocco), who soon discovers that the Corleones cannot be intimidated. Most importantly, Michael proves that he is now in charge of the family. At the end of the scene, Michael gives Fredo an important warning and sets up the tragic ending of the The Godfather Part II.
In 2003, going to Amsterdam was a rite of passage for many Americans. They would disappear for a month and then return, claiming that they had been to Amsterdam but that they couldn’t “remember a thing.” *wink wink*
Of course, now we have Colorado so we don’t really care about Amsterdam anymore. Sorry, Amsterdam!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Hang Time! This week, we learn about geography.
Episode 4.13 “Nothing in Common”
(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 24th, 1998)
We’re back in Indiana! I guess the San Antonio trip is over. Yay.
Michael, Silk, and Rico panic when they see Coach K. walking around their favorite after-school hangout, The Stadium. It turns out that Coach K. wants to buy the place and make it more friendly to older customers. Michael, Silk, and Rico totally freak out and I don’t blame them. No one wants to see their teachers outside of school. Anyway, they come up with the brilliant idea of having Rico’s uncle pretend to be a health inspector so that he can scare off Coach K. It doesn’t work because Rico’s uncle asks how Rico is doing on the team but Coach K. still decides not to buy the Stadium because this is a silly show where plot developments are brought and abandoned at random.
Meanwhile, Mary Beth is upset when Hammer resists her attempts to change him. Mary Beth wants to go to an art exhibit. Hammer wants to go to a boxing match. (Personally, I’m probably an even bigger culture snob than Mary Beth and I would be happy to go to either of those. I love museums but a boxing match is a good excuse to wear something nice and show off your cleavage.) Mary Beth wants Hammer to go sailing. Hammer wants to spend his time at a biker rally. Realizing that she’s trying too hard to change Hammer, Mary Beth dresses up in leather and hangs out at a biker bar. She teaches the bikers all about the proper utensils to use at a formal dinner. It was actually pretty cute and, in the end, Hammer and Mary Beth agreed that they didn’t have to like the same things as long as they liked each other. Awwwwwww!
I liked this episode. Season 4 may not be as strong as the previous three seasons but the Hammer/Mary Beth relationship works surprisingly well. As far as I’m concerned, any episode that features more of Mary Beth and Kristy being wacky and less of Julie getting annoyed is a good one.
Episode 4.14 “And Then There Were Nuns”
(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 24th, 1998)
Oh hey, we’re back in San Antonio. Continuity be damned!
With only a few days left in Texas, Kristy suspects that she’s in love with Antonio. She tells Mary Beth and Julie that she can imagine a future with Antonio. Awwwwww! Antonio invites Kristy to a wedding …. in Mexico! Kristy agrees. Before leaving, she leaves a note for Julie and Mary Beth. Unfortunately, it’s a poorly-written note and Julie and Mary Beth are convinced that Kristy’s run off to Mexico to get married!
Because everyone on this show is stupid, they don’t tell Coach K or any other adults about what is happening. Instead, everyone except for Julie and Michael head down to Mexico and try to stop the wedding. I guess it’s lucky that they all happened to have their passports with them. (Either that or they crossed into Mexico illegally.) Of course, since they won the big Tri-state tournament. they have to get back to San Antonio by 4 p.m. so that they can get ready to do a media appearance. Michael and Julie are convinced that their friends can go to Mexico and come back while the Coach is taking an hour-long nap. Apparently, the show’s writers were under the impression that San Antonio is right on the border. It’s not. San Antonio is 155 miles away from the border and it appears that the wedding is taking place in a fairly small and remote village. In short, this trip is going to take a lot longer than an hour.
Admittedly, King of the Hill used to do the same thing. Hank Hill was literally an hour away from every location in Texas. But, in that case, it was obviously meant to be intentional and it was a fun in-joke for Texans. (It helped that Mike Judge was one of us.) But, in this case, it just feels incredibly dumb on the part of the Hang Time writers.
Anyway, Silk, Rico, Hammer, and Mary Beth arrive at the wedding but a nun tells them that this is a private ceremony. So, of course, they all dress up like nuns and sneak into the ceremony and….
….
….
Sorry, silently screaming.
The important thing is that it all works out in the end. Coach K. finds out where the team has gone so he, Michael, and Julie show up for the wedding. Meanwhile, Antonio promises Kristy that, someday, he will find her in Indiana. Awwwww! I’m going to guess that the media appearances were handled by the team’s non-starters, who probably talked about how much fun it was to spend every game sitting on the bench while Michael, Julie, Rico, Silk, and Hammer got all the glory.
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasionally Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We snark our way through it.
Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1994’s Double Dragon! Selected and hosted by Bunny Hero, this movie features double the action! So, you know it has to be good!
Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet. We will be watching 1990’s Blue Steel! The film is on Prime and Tubi!
It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in. If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Double Dragon on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag! Then, at 10 pm et, switch over to Twitter and Prime, start Blue Steel, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
Through the Shattered Lens 