Tag Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.12 “The Captain’s Cup/ The Folks From Home/ Legal Eagle”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Love Boat departs on one weird cruise.

Episode 2.12 “The Captain’s Cup / The Folks from Home / Legal Eagle”

(Dir by Alan Rafkin, originally aired on December 2nd, 1978)

This was a strange episode.

Let’s start with the simplest of our three stories first.  Danny Holt (Bert Convy) is recently divorced and still crying over having to pay his wife alimony.  When he boards the boat, he specifically asks Gopher if there are any single men onboard who might be interested in marrying his ex-wife.  His ex isn’t even on the cruise!  Danny is one bitter passenger.  From the minute he boards the boat, he’s whining about how unfair his divorce was and how badly he was treated by his wife’s divorce lawyer, Ann Sterling (Leigh Taylor-Young).

Uh-oh, it turns out that Ann is one the cruise as well!  And she’s been assigned to be Danny’s dinner companion.  Danny isn’t happy about this but then, from out of seemingly nowhere, the two of them end of falling in love.  It’s hard to say why they suddenly fall in love.  Danny is superbitter over his divorce and Ann knows all of the details about what type of husband he was so it seems like the last thing that would ever happen would be them leaving the ship, arm-in-arm.  But somehow, that’s what happens.  It was a straight-forward story but it lacked any scenes that would have explained why the two of them fell in love.  They just did because they were characters on The Love Boat.  (It certainly wasn’t due to any noticeable romantic chemistry between Bert Convy and Leigh Taylor-Young.)  This story felt lazy and generic.

In the episode’s second storyline, Captain Stubing is excited because he’s due to receive the Captain of the Year Cup.  Diane DiMarzo (Florence Henderson, proving that former Bradys just cannot stay off The Love Boat) boards the ship with the Cup but she’s shocked to discover that 1) her boss — the guy who actually decided to give Stubing the Cup — will not be on the ship and 2) Stubing fully expects her boss to personally present him with the Cup.  Now, I’m not really sure how the logic works here but apparently, Diane could lose her job if her boss isn’t there to give Stubing the cup.  But why would that be Diane’s problem?  She did what she was supposed to do.  She boarded the ship with the Cup.  Her boss is the one who decided not to show up and he is the boss so it’s not like there was anything Diane could have done about it.

Anyway, Diane recruits one of the ship’s handymen to pretend to be her boss.  Though he works on the boat and the rest of the crew know him, it appears that the Captain himself has never met Hank Vosnik (Pat Harrington, Jr.), which kind of leads one to wonder if Stubing really deserves his award.  Anyway, Hank falls in love with Diane and is crestfallen when she turns down his marriage proposal.  (Seriously, at this point, they had only known each other for like three days so I’m not sure what Hank was expecting.)  But, despite being turned down, Hank still pretends to be Diane’s boss.  So, Diane decides that she might as well marry him.  WHAT!?

Finally, Doc Bricker is happy to meet two passengers from his hometown.  George (John McIntire) and Gloria (Jeanette Nolan) spend every moment with Doc and they even announce that, as far as they’re concerned, the 40-something Doc is a member of their family.  Doc is touched.  But then Gloria falls down a flight of stairs and Doc has to do emergency surgery on her.  Gopher calls a doctor in San Francisco and he talks Doc through the surgery.  Doc removes Gloria’s spleen and saves her life!  Yay!  Only at the end of the surgery does he get George to sign a consent form.  In real life, that would lead to Doc to losing his job and the cruise line getting sued.  But, on The Love Boat, it just leads to more laughter.

On the plus side, this storyline featured the charming performances of McIntire and Nolan, who were married in real life.  The story was also written by Fred “Gopher” Grandy and Bernie “Doc” Kopell so, not surprisingly, it actually allowed Grandy and Kopell to do something more than just leer at the passengers.  The show rarely gave Grandy or Kopell a chance to show off the fact that they were both capable of giving good dramatic performances so, whenever they got that rare chance to do so, they took advantage of it.  That said, it was still a bit awkward to see Doc suddenly performing major surgery in his tiny examination room.  It was all for the best on the show but, in real life, it would have led to a major lawsuit.  Even though Doc Bricker saved Gloria’s life, it still seems like the ship could probably be held liable for her getting injured in the first place.  I mean, the boat is in the middle of the ocean.  Shouldn’t there at least be a warning posted on the stairs?

Well, who knows?  Strange things happen at sea.  Let’s just be happy that everything worked out in the end.

Film Review: Paradise City (dir by Chuck Russell)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Ian Swan (Bruce Willis) is a famed bounty hunter who has spent the last ten years of his life pursuing an escaped fugitive who is wanted for the cold-blooded murder of four FBI men.  Swan has tracked his prey to Hawaii but, when he’s shot and falls into the ocean, Swan is presumed dead.  Swan’s long-estranged son, Ryan (Blake Jenner), comes to Hawaii to try to track down the man who killed his father.  He meets up with Ian’s former partner, Robbie Cole (Stephen Dorff), and also the only cop on the island who cares about justice, Savannah (Praya Lundberg).  Reluctantly, Cole works with Ryan and discovers that Ian’s shooting is somehow connected to a shady businessman named Arlene Buckley (John Travolta).  A real estate developer, Buckley is working hard to elect a man named Kane (Branscombe Richmond) to the U.S. Senate.  Buckley’s plan also involves taking control of a part of the Island that the natives call Paradise City.  Got all that?

2022’s Paradise City has been advertised as being a John Travolta/Bruce Willis film but make no mistake.  Neither Travolta nor Willis get much screen time, though they both make an impression in the limited time that they do have.  Stephen Dorff manages to steal every scene in which he appears, playing Robbie as a well-meaning guy who can’t help but be kind of a screw-up.  That said, Dorff really isn’t in that much of the film either.  Instead, the main star of the film is Blake Jenner.  Jenner has the blandly affable screen presence of a low-key frat boy.  That worked for him when he was in films like Richard Linklater’s Everybody Wants Some!! but it’s not exactly ideal for an action star.  Whereas the best action stars feel as if they’re always ready for a fight, Jenner comes across as the guy who would be trusted to order the keg for the next party.

Instead of taking charge of the screen, Jenner finds himself overshadowed by the gorgeous Hawaiian scenery.  Hawaii is the true star of Paradise City and, even when the film itself doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, Hawaii itself is always amazing to look at.  In many ways, Paradise City feels like an extra-violent episode of Baywatch Hawaii.  (The film’s Baywatch aesthetic is confirmed when Savannah wears a bikini to a crime scene.)  Just as with that show, the beaches and the jungles and the waterfalls and the oceans are all so stunning that it’s tempting to give the film a pass on the fact that the plot never makes much sense and any genuine emotional stakes are pretty much non-existent.

Unfortunately, it’s impossible to ignore the plot because, for a low-budget B-movie, Paradise City takes itself way too seriously.  It’s one thing for Ryan to be estranged from his father.  It’s another thing for the film to feature flashbacks to Ryan’s childhood, in which we discover firsthand that Ian never understood Ryan.  It’s also one thing to make Buckley a family man.  It’s another thing try to create a clumsy parallel between the way that Buckley is raising his son and the way that Ian raised Ryan.  As opposed to films like Gasoline Alley or the Detective Knight films, Paradise City seems to be trying too hard to be something that it isn’t.  Instead of just embracing its pulpy style and trying to entertain, the film is determined to tug at the audience’s heartstrings and make a statement about evil land developers.  The film forgets that, sometimes, just being entertaining is the best thing that a film can be.

This was one of the last films that Bruce Willis made before it was announced that he would be retiring from acting.  Watching the film, it’s easy to tell that a stand-in was used for most of Willis’s action scenes.  When Willis delivers the majority of his lines, it’s hard not to miss the wiseguy energy that used to be his trademark.  That said, when Willis is acting opposite Travolta and Dorff, he shows a bit of his old spark.  The two scenes in which he confronts John Travolta are the best in the film.  For a few minutes, he seems like the Bruce Willis who we all remember and it’s hard not to get a bit emotional watching two talented (if often underappreciated) actors acting opposite each other for what will probably be the last time.

Paradise City is not a particularly memorable film and the overly complicated plot is next to impossible to follow but I am happy that the cast and the crew got to hang out in Hawaii for a bit.  It’s a lovely place to visit.

Music Video of the Day: Save Me From Myself by Christina Aguilera (2008, dir by Paul Korver)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s music video of the day is for a song that appeared on the appropriately titled Back To Basics.  This video itself takes a pretty basic approach but it works.  “Save me from myself,” is something that I used to say to myself quite a bit, though eventually I realized that I only had my best interests at heart.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.20 “Birthday Party/Ghostbreaker”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Roarke reunites a family and arranges for a man to battle a “ghost.”

Episode 2.20 “Birthday Party/Ghostbreaker”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on March 3rd, 1979)

This week, Tattoo has both a joy buzzer and a pink carnation that squirts water.  He explains to Mr. Roarke that he read somewhere the women love a man with a sense of humor.  “I want to be the king of humor on Fantasy Island,” he explains.

“Lucky us,” Mr. Roarke replies while dramatically rolling his eyes and reminding viewers of just how much he despises his scene-stealing assistant.

As for the two fantasies, this is another episode where the fantasies don’t really seem like they should be happening on the same island.  One is rather serious.  The other is a bit cartoonish.

The first guest to get off the plane is Elliott Fielding (Ken Berry), a librarian who believes in ghosts and who is pretty sure that he knows how to exorcise a ghost from a haunted location.  He’s so confident that he’s even written a book about it.  However, because Elliott has never actually seen a ghost, no one is willing to publish his book.  Elliott’s fantasy is to exorcise a real ghost and prove that his theories are true.  Mr. Roarke obliges by taking him to a mansion that Roarke explains was once occupied by a murderer known as the Gentleman Strangler.  Now, however, it’s a private all-girls boarding school!  (This is one of those episodes that leaves the viewer wondering just what exactly Fantasy Island is exactly.  When the show started, it was just a resort.  Now, it appears to have become a thriving nation, home to not only industry but also an exclusive boarding school.)

The school’s students have been reporting sightings of the ghost of the Gentleman Strangler.  Elliott sets out to exorcise the ghost and along the way, he falls in love with the school’s headmistress (Annette Funicello).  He also finds an enemy in the form of the school’s fencing instructor (Larry Storch).  Oddly there aren’t any other teachers at the school so I guess the students just spend all of their learning how to fence.

This was an odd fantasy because, on the one hand, you had this ghost potentially threatening to strangle a bunch of teenage girls and, on the other hand, you had the very broad comedy of Ken Berry and Larry Storch facing off.  Of course, it turns out that there really wasn’t a ghost haunting the school so, at first, it appears that Elliott’s fantasy didn’t come true.  However, after Elliott leaves, Roarke explains to Tattoo that Elliott actually did meet a ghost when he had a conversation with a helpful handyman.  That probably would have been a good thing to let Elliott know before he left but …. well, Mr. Roarke does what he wants.  If there’s any lesson to be learned from watching Fantasy Island, it’s that Mr. Roarke makes the rules and it is best to never question his arbitrary decisions.

Meanwhile, Carol Gates (Janet Leigh) comes to the island to be reunited with the twins (Skye Aubrey and Christopher Stone) that she gave up for her adoption.  I was expecting the twins to reject her or to be angry.  Instead, with her support, her son gets signed to a football team and her daughter decides not give her own children up for adoption.  Yay!  It was a bit of an easy fantasy, with little of the drama that I was expecting.  But Janet Leigh was a talented actress and she’s good here, bringing a lot of genuine emotion the story.

The fantasies were a bit mismatched but I like ghost stories (even when they’re a bit silly) and Janet Leigh is one of my favorite actresses so this trip to Fantasy Island was worth it.

Film Review: Punishment Park (dir by Peter Watkins)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1971 “pseudo-documentary”, Punishment Park, imagines an alternative America that still feels very familiar.

With America paralyzed by continuing protests against racism, economic inequality, and the war in Viet Nam, President Richard Nixon declares a state of emergency and invokes the McCarran Internal Security Act of 1950.  The law (which is a real law and still on the books, by the way) allows the federal government to detain anyone who is deemed a risk to national security.  Anti-government activists are rounded up and put on trial before “community tribunals,” which are made up of a combination of military officers, politicians, businessmen, and housewives.  Though the arrested are given a chance to defend themselves against the charges, there’s never any doubt that each trial will end with a conviction.  Those convicted are given two options.  They can either serve their entire sentence in federal prison.  Or they can spend three days in Punishment Park.

Most of them make the mistake of picking Punishment Park.

What is Punishment Park?  It’s 53 miles of California desert.  Detainees have got three days to cross the desert, without food or water.  If they make it to the American flag at the end of Punishment Park, they will be given their freedom.  However, along with having to deal with the extreme heat, the detainees are also going to be pursued by a group of police officers and National Guardsmen.  If the detainees are caught before reaching the flag, they’ll be sent to prison.  The detainees are given a head start but it soon becomes apparent that the head start doesn’t count much for much when you’re in the desert without water.  It also becomes apparent that Punishment Park is much more about revenge and reminding people of their place than it is about justice.  The rules of Punishment Park only apply to the detainees.

As he did with the majority of his films (including the Oscar-winning The War Game), director Peter Watkins presents the film as being a documentary.  Though they’re never seen onscreen, we hear the voices of the British and German film crews asking questions to both the detainees and the people pursuing them.  (We also occasionally hear them protesting the brutality of what they’re witnessing, though the cops and soldiers are quick to point out that they really don’t care what a bunch of Europeans thinks about their actions.)  The film cuts back and forth from one group being chased through Punishment Park and another group being put on trial and eventually convicted.  Watkins cast the film with amateur actors, with the detainees being played by actual anti-war activists while many of the people pursuing them were played by actual guardsmen and police officers.  Watkins has subsequently started that the attitudes and the hostilities of the people in the film were mirrored off-screen by those playing them as well.  Much like the Stanford Prison Experiment, every one was more than willing to play their roles.  It brings a much-needed authenticity to the film’s alternative history.  (Interestingly enough, it also leads to several of the detainees coming across as being a bit annoying, as people who are convinced of their own righteousness tend to be.  The important thing is that they’re authentically annoying.  Even 50 years after the film was shot, both camps are full of people who still seem familiar.)  Ironically, the film’s biggest weakness is that everyone seems to be so genuinely worried about whether or not they’ll survive the trek through the desert that it’s difficult to believe that they would actually stop moving so they could have a conversation with the documentary crew.

Still, whatever flaws the film may have, Punishment Park feels sickeningly plausible.  In our current era of rising authoritarianism, militarization, reckless accusations of treason, and cries to set aside the Constitution so that “enemies” can be stripped of their rights, Punishment Park continues to feel frighteningly relevant today.

A Note To Our Readers Who Have Survived May Day

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Congratulations!  You have survived May Day and you’ve also survived the first four months of 2023!  Let us take a moment to celebrate this milestone.  The past few years haven’t been easy for a lot of people but we’ve survived.  As we look forward to the months to come, there are a lot more movies to watch and a more television shows to binge and more books to read and more to which to listen!  Here at the Shattered Lens we have big plans for the rest of the year.  Thank you to all of our regular readers for sticking with us and we hope that rest of this year is a great one for you!

AMV of the Day: The Phoenix (Ace Attorney)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

With Law Day coming to a close (not to mention Loyalty Day and International Workers Day), it seems like it’s time for another Ace Attorney AMV of the Day.  Really, they should just rename this holiday Ace Attorney Day.

Anime: Ace Attorney

Song: The Phoenix (performed by Fall Out Boy)

Creator: Lise Cupcake (please subscribe to this creator’s channel)

Past AMVs of the Day

Here’s The Trailer for Ordinary Angels

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In case you were wondering what Hillary Swank has been up to (other than starring on that television show about newspaper in Alaska), here’s your answer!  She’s playing an alcoholic in Ordinary Angels, which appears to be another “uplifting, based on a true story” film of 2023.  This film is scheduled to be released on October 13th.  That’s Friday the 13th, by the way.

Actually, I imagine that this film might do well with an October release date.  Consider it to be counter-programming for all the folks who aren’t into horror.  Here at TSL, we’ll be in the middle of our annual horrorthon.  As the song goes, “if it makes you happy….”

Here’s The Trailer for Maggie Moore(s)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Apparently, A Haunting In Venice is not the only crime-related film that Tina Fey (who one does not usually associate with crime films) has coming out this year.  On June 16th, she will be co-starring in Maggie Moore(s), along with Jon Hamm and Nick Mohammed.  The film was directed by Hamm’s Mad Men co-star, John Slattery.  Here’s the trailer:

Based on a true story, eh?  To be honest, the trailer make it look like this film might be trying too hard to be quirky and Coenesque but who knows?  Sometimes, a good film gets a bad trailer and, more often, a bad film will get a really good trailer.  The cast is certainly talented so we’ll see!