Horror Film Review: Curse of the Stone Hands (dir by Jerry Warren, Carlos Hugh Christensen, and Carlos Schlieper)


In 1965’s Curse of the Stone Hand, a dilapidated mansion sits deserted. Two men explore the grounds of the estate and one of them mentions that this house was once the finest in “Kent” but now the locals feel that it is cursed. There are mysterious stone sculptures of hands throughout the house. Some inhabitants think that the hands are the source of the curse. The first inhabitant of the house was a degenerate gambler named Robert Braun (Carlos Cores), who gambled himself into debt and, as a result, joined the Suicide Club as a way to try to win back his money. The hands, we are told, are somehow to blame for this, though it sounds like it’s more of a case of Robert needing to join Gamblers Anonymous. Once Robert was no longer in the house, the estate was claimed by another rich family. The family’s son was a sadist who had the power of hypnotism, which he used to torment his sister’s fiancé. Again, in my opinion, it’s open to debate as to whether or not the hands are to blame. To me, it seems more likely that the hypnotist is just a spoiled wastrel who wasn’t properly raised by his parents. The message seems to be less “Beware of the hands” and more “Don’t let your child grow up to be a hypnotist.”

If all of this sounds disjointed, that’s because it is. American film distributor Jerry Warren purchased two Chilean films and then edited them together to form what would become Curse of the Stone Hand. He dubbed over the dialogue to create some false connections between the two films and then he shot a few extra scenes with Katherine Victor and John Carradine. Victor and Carradine served to provide exposition, filling in the blanks that had been created by Warren’s mash-up. John Carradine’s character is especially interesting because he’s credited as being “The Old Drunk” but his character doesn’t ever appear to be drunk. Instead, he appears to just be one of the many people who works on the estate and who has opinions about the family that lives there. Carradine only has about two minutes of screen time. (Of course, Jerry Warren gave him top billing.) He’s not onscreen long enough to really give a performance that could be considered either good or bad. That said, it’s impossible not to smile whenever John Carradine shows up in one of these films. It’s always a little amusing how John Carradine effortlessly went back and forth from working with John Ford to working with people like Jerry Warren. Before there was Eric Roberts, there was John Carradine.

Curse of the Stone Hand is pretty much an incoherent film. It’s possible that the original Chilean films were good. Some of the shots do feature a bit of atmosphere. But, ultimately, it’s impossible to tell while watching this film, with its dubbed dialogue and its incomprehensible plot. That said, I’ll always have a spot in my heart for the shamelessness of filmmakers like Jerry Warren. Warren knew that you could get a lot out of a melodramatic title and a cameo from a name performer. Curse of the Stone Hand stands as a tribute to his never give up, never surrender spirit.

Horror Film Review: Teenage Zombies (dir by Jerry Warren)


1959’s Teenage Zombies tells the story of a quartet of “teenagers.”

Reg (Don Sullivan), Skip (Paul Pepper), Julie (Mitzie Albertson), and Pam (Brianne Murphy) don’t really look like teenagers.  Julie could probably pass for her early 20s.  Reg looks like he’s getting close to 40.  Pam appears to be about 30.  Skip is maybe in his mid-20s.  One could chalk that up to bad casting on the part of director Jerry Warren but I like to think that the film is actually commenting on the education system.  While most of their contemporaries are out getting jobs and starting careers, these four people have failed their classes so often that they are stuck in permanent teenager mode.  They still hang out at the local malt shop and the owner lets them because money is money.

Our four aging teenagers decide to spend the day waterskiing.  Woo hoo!  What fun!  (I don’t water ski because of my morbid fear of drowning but I do like hanging out at the lake and watching other people risk their lives.)  During their water skiing adventures, the teens come across a mysterious island.  They decide to explore because why not?  They’re 30-something teenagers!  Life is about taking risks.

The Island turns out to be home to Dr. Myra (Katherine Victor).  Dr. Myra, who is apparently working for the Godless communists, has developed a mind-control gas that can turn people into her slaves.  Living on the island with Dr. Myra is a hunched over zombie named Ivan the Zombie (Chuck Niles) and a gorilla (Mitch Evans).  Gorillas really aren’t native to the United States and, even if they were, I doubt you would find one living on an unchartered island in the middle of a lake but then again, you also don’t find many mad scientists at the lake either.  Most mad scientists understand that mountain laboratories are easier to defend than their island equivalent.

With the teens missing, two of their friends go to the local sheriff (Mike Concannon) for help.  Unfortunately, it turns out that the sheriff is actually working with Dr. Myra and has been providing her with prisoners to experiment on!  All of the teenagers realize that they have to stop Dr. Myra before she perfects her mind control gas and uses it to conquer the world!  Unfortunately, the teens themselves are pretty stupid.  Their plan for getting Dr. Myra to tell them how to reverse is the process is to put her in the zombie gas chamber herself.  What they don’t seem to have considered is that the zombies don’t talk so turning Dr. Myra into a zombie isn’t going to be that helpful.

Teenage Zombies is definitely a film of its time, a low-budget mix of teen hijinks and zombie “horror.”  It’s the type of film where the “wild” teens come across as being as wild as a church youth group.  My favorite thing about the film is that the climax depends on a random gorilla attack.  My second favorite thing is that the teens are told that, if they save America, they might even get a chance to meet the President!  Well, I should hope so!

That said, Dwight Eisenhower was pretty cool.  If Eisenhower couldn’t inspire those teens to save America, then nobody could.