Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 5.8 “Vindication”

Posted on October 21, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, some of the players get trapped in the woods.

Episode 5.8 “Vindication”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on December 6th, 1989)

It’s time for the Barbara Ann Awards.

The Barbara Ann Awards are a never-before mentioned annual tradition in which Dr. Death, Jethro, Bubba, and Zagreb go to a cabin in the woods with a bunch of women and the women compete to be the new Barbara Ann. Yep, it’s just as sleazy as it sounds. Fortunately, this year sees the players being stalked by two mask-wearing, chainsaw-carrying psychoes. While the women hide in the cabin, the players go out to battle their stalkers and, instead, they end up getting caught in a net. Oh no! Is this the end of the California Bulls? (Well, four of them, at least….)

Fortunately, no. It turns out that it was all a practical joke that was set up by the women. Yay! Put those men in their place! The players are so impressed that they give the title of Barbara Ann to the woman who came up with the joke. This whole thing was pretty silly but at least it felt appropriate for October viewing.

The episode’s other storyline featured Johnny Gunn being interviewed by reporter Susan McDermitt (Catherine MacNeal). With protestors constantly picketing the games and calling Johnny a murderer, TD Parker (OJ Simpson) figures that it’s time for some damage control. TD understands just how damaging it is to the reputation of the game to have a player who is routinely accused of being a murderer.

So, Susan and Johnny go to Johnny’s hometown in Pennsylvania. We learn about Johnny’s past as a foster kid and a high school football star. In a somewhat implausible scene, Johnny’s ex-girlfriend (Tally Chanel) admits on camera that she lied about what happened the night that Johnny killed a man. It turns out that Johnny was actually acting in self-defense.

“I’m glad that’s taken care of!” OJ says as he watches the news report.

This is another episode of 1st & Ten that’s impossible to watch without thinking about OJ Simpson’s later life. Every time OJ started to talk about how unfair it was that Johnny was being judged for being a murderer, I cringed just a little bit. The episode’s contention that one positive news story was all Johnny needed to get on with his life was almost charming in its naiveté.

Next week …. well, who knows? Hopefully, it won’t involve any more murders.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 5.6 “Clean and Sober”

Posted on October 7, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Billy Cooper gets in trouble.

Episode 5.6 “Clean and Sober”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on November 15th, 1989)

This week’s episode features three storylines.

The simplest of the storylines features Denardo’s ex-wife (Arlene Golonka) showing up at his house and saying that she’s hiding from a stalker. She even changes Denardo’s phone number. It turns out that her stalker is actually her current husband and they’re just having a minor argument. They’re reunited while Denardo stands in the background and smiles.

The comedic storyline features an ex-player named Wes (Bob Chandler) asking Dr. Death and Jethro to serve as his bodyguards for a week. Wes, who left football and got the lead role on a cop show, says that he’s going to have to testify against a mob boss. Dr. Death and Jethro agree to keep an eye on him. For instance, they bring him to practice. They also freak out when someone tosses an unlit stick of dynamite at them. Eventually, it turns out that Wes set them up to be the victims on a television prank show. This storyline also featured Zagred begging Wes to put him on his show. Even TD Parker (OJ Simpson) got in on the spirit, asking Wes if he could help him pitch a television show about a football manager who solves murders. Uhmm, yeah, that sounds like a great idea, OJ….

The dramatic storyline features Billy getting into an accident while driving drunk. His companion for the night is nearly killed. Billy is sentenced to 90 days of alcohol rehab. The member of the Bulls are not supportive of Billy’s attempt to get sober. Johnny Gunn resents that he spent six years in prison for something that he did while drunk but Billy is apparently going to get away with just a slap on the wrist. Billy stops drinking and starts popping pills.

TD is upset to see that Billy is not making a real effort to get sober. When TD hears an commentator refer to Billy as being a “true professional,” TD replies, “Not in my book.”

Really, OJ?

This episode was all over the place, as is usually the case with 1st & Ten. I actually found the storyline about Wes to be amusing but it didn’t feel like it belonged on an episode where Billy was trying and failing to get sober. That said, this episode’s portrayal of Billy as being too rich and too famous to be held responsible for his mistakes was probably pretty close to the truth when it comes to celebrity addicts. Billy may hate himself but he’s got enough cash to soothe the pain.

Warrior Queen (1987, directed by Chuck Vincent)

Posted on October 3, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

The place is Pompeii in the year 79 A.D.

One of the jewels of the Roman Empire, Pompeii is overseen by the decadent Clodius Flaucus (Donald Pleasence). Despite the warning that the statues of the Temple of Jupiter have been crying salt and that a goat was recently born with the head of a human, Clodius refuses to believe that anything bad could happen to Pompeii. (“I’d like to see the cow!” Clodius exclaims with a laugh.)

In the arena, the gladiator Goliath (Marco Tullio Cau) throws deadly frisbees and demands slave girls as his reward for victory. In the streets, all the women adore Marcus (Rick Hill) but he has eyes only for one of the new slaves, the comely virgin Vespa (Tally Chanel). Vespa has been purchased by Berenice (Sybil Danning), a former mistress of Caesar who is secretly working to free the slaves.

Warrior Queen was directed by Chuck Vincent. Vincent was a veteran of the adult film industry and was considered to be one of the best hardcore directors around. His X-rated films were even positively written up in the New York Times. In the 80s, he tried to go mainstream and ended up making movies like this one. Produced by British B-movie impresario Harry Alan Towers and filmed largely in Italy, Warrior Queen was an attempt to capitalize on the minor sword-and-sorcery revival that followed the success of Conan the Barbarian. There’s plenty of nudity and violence but there’s not much plot and the film feels much longer than its 70-minute run time. When the volcano does erupt, it’s represented by stock footage and someone shaking the camera while filming the extras. Pompeii has never looked so cheap.

The main attraction here is Sybil Danning and Donald Pleasence. Pleasence gives it his all and earns however much he made for this movie. Danning is only in a handful of scenes and can be seen yawning at several points in the movie. I think she’s supposed to be the title character but she’s actually neither a warrior nor a queen. Rick Hill (of Deathstalker fame) and Tally Chanel are at least appealing as the leads, even if Chanel looks more like a lost cheerleader than a Roman slave girl.

The main thing that I learned from watching this film is that the lava that hit Pompeii wasn’t actually that thick, wide, or deep and everyone should have been able to just hop over it and escape. Anyone who died at Pompeii has no one but themselves to blame.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Bits and Pieces (dir by Leland Thomas)

Posted on October 5, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

You’re sitting down and you’re watching the 1985 slasher film Bits and Pieces on YouTube.

“The Bits and Pieces Murderer has struck again!” a television news reporter solemnly intones after a homeless woman finds a dismembered body in a trash bag.

Meanwhile, in a dark bedroom, a phone rings and wakes up Lt. Carter (Brian Burt), a balding man with a mustache. He answers it and is told that the murderer has struck again. “SHIT!” he yells….

A few blocks away, a sweaty man named Arthur (S.E. Zygmont) sits in a filthy basement, surrounded by plastic mannequin heads, half-eaten breakfasts, and flies. He hears a voice telling him to kill and he says, “Yes, mommy…”

Down the street, in a club that appears to be populated largely by elderly woman, the world’s greasiest male strippers perform while a deathless song plays in the background. Do you want/want my body/do you like it like that....

The next morning, college student Rosie Talbot (Suzanne Snyder) tells her mother about the strip club. “I was surprised by the wide variety of the routines,” she says as her mom nods along. Rosie says she never would have had the courage to go to the club if not for her best friend, Tanya (Sheila Lussier). However, for some reason, Tanya is not answering her phone….

That night, Arthur has flashbacks to being abused by his mother so he kills again. When the latest body is found, Lt. Carter receives that call. “SHIT!” Lt. Carter yells….

The next morning, Rosie looks at the newspaper and sees a drawing of the girl who was found in the trash bag and she immediately screams because it looks just like Tanya! She meets Lt. Carter who asks her if Tanya had any strange sexual proclivities. “What type of sexist question is that!?” Rosie shouts….

Later, Rosie walks through a strip mall and runs into her friend Jennifer (Tally Chanel). Rosie tells Jennifer about Tanya but then mentions that she did meet a really handsome policeman and that’s been the only good thing about her day. “That sounds promising!” Jennifer says….

Meanwhile, Arthur lurks behind them, unnoticed despite his unwashed hair, his skinny black tie, and the look on his face that practically screams, “I am a psychopathic murderer and I’m stalking you.” A random man bumps into Arthur and Arthur falls to the ground. “Watch it, apple ass,” the man snaps….

A few hours later and Lt. Carter calls Rosie at home. Carter tells her that this is a social call. Would she like to spend the day at the beach with him? That seems like a great way to forget about all the dead people who are piling up around the city. “I’m really looking forward to it!” Rosie says….

Meanwhile, Arthur flashes back to his mother’s boyfriend forcing him to put on lipstick….

And so it goes.

There’s actually a pretty charming little story about this film. It was told by a student who had just completed a film class. On the last day of class, the professor announced that he was going to show the class an example of how “not to make a good movie.” The movie that he showed was Bits and Pieces and the professor was the also the film’s director. (For the record, the director also appears in the film, as the guy who calls Arthur an apple ass.)

Bits and Pieces may be a bad movie but it’s so amazingly inept that it becomes oddly fascinating. The night scenes were clearly filmed at night, meaning that it’s often next to impossible to see what anyone’s actually doing for at least 10% of the movie. In the role of Arthur, S.E. Zygmont gives a performance that’s so over-the-top that it bring to mind the “Egyptian feast” scene in Herschell Gordon Lewis’s Blood Feast. (“You waaaaaaant to plaaaaaay….” Arthur hisses, at one point.) As well, I don’t know if there’s many other movies out there that mix scenes of brutal murder with scenes of a middle-aged police detective and a young college student happily frolicking on the beach. I guess brutal murder and intense emotional pain brings out the romantic side in some people. The fact that the blood and gore looks real while everything else feels fake gives the film a strangely surreal feel.

Bits and Pieces is currently on YouTube, proving that even inept movies will live forever.