Film Review: Battlefield Earth (dir by Roger Christian)


After avoiding it for 25 years, I finally watched the infamous 2000 fiasco, Battlefield Earth, last night.

Battlefield Earth, based on a superlong novel by creepy cult guru L. Ron Hubbard, was a longtime passion project of John Travolta’s.  Travolta, a Scientologist, had long wanted to make a movie out of Hubbard’s science fiction epic and, on a hot streak following films like Pulp Fiction and Get Shorty, he finally did so in 2000.  He played Terl, a member of a giant alien race called the Psychlos.  The Psychlos have conquered Earth and humanity has regressed back to an almost prehistoric standard of living.  When a brave human, Johnnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper), defies his elders and proceeds to venture out into the ruins of Denver, he’s captured by Terl.  Eventually, Johnnie is shown a copy of the Declaration of Independence and it inspires him to lead a revolution against the Psychlos.

Battlefield Earth turned out to be just as bad as I had heard, a charmless wannabe epic that used far too many Dutch angles and relied on slow motion to try to create a heroic (or, in some cases, tragic) feel to the action.  The plot of the film felt like something recycled from an old 1930s serial, which makes sense when you consider that L. Ron Hubbard was a pulp writer before he decided to become a guru.  What I was not prepared for was just how mind-numbingly dull Battlefield Earth is.  Most bad movies can at least make the claim of being entertaining in their badness.  If nothing else, you can often admire them for their ambition.  Take a film like Plan 9 From Outer Space.  Plan 9 From Outer Space is often derided as being the worst film of all time but it’s still terrifically entertaining and there’s a likable earnestness at the heart of it.  Director Ed Wood may not have had a budget and his main star may have been present only through stock footage but, dammit, Wood was determined to make a science fiction epic that would double as a plea for world peace and he did just that.  There’s a heart at the center of Plan 9 From Outer Space and that makes it a film that you can mock but you never quite dislike.  For all the talk of Battlefield Earth being a passion project for Travolta, the end result is an empty and rather soulless film.

(I nearly listed Battlefield Earth as being one of our Icarus Files but then I remembered that Icarus at least managed to get close to the sun.  Battlefield Earth can’t even get out of Denver.)

Travolta’s career has never really recovered from Battlefield Earth.  He is an actor who can claim to have appeared in two of the biggest, most influential films of all time — Pulp Fiction and Saturday Night Fever — but his legacy appears to be walking around on stilts in Battlefield Earth.  As for Barry Pepper, he does probably about as well as anyone could with the role of Johnnie Goodboy Tyler but still, it’s sad to see a good actor wasted in such a bad movie.  (In fact, there’s quite a few good actors — Forest Whitaker, Kim Coates, Richard Tyson — wasted in this movie.)  From what I understand, the movie only covered the first 400 pages of Hubbard’s 1100-page novel.  Travolta had hopes to do a sequel but that’s not going to happen.

It’s for the best.  If people need to see a movie about L. Ron Hubbard’s belief system, they can always rewatch The Master.

 

Book and Film Review: Get Shorty (by Elmore Leonard and dir by Barry Sonnenfeld)


In 1995’s Get Shorty, John Travolta stars as Chili Palmer.

Chili is a loan shark for the mob, an effortlessly cool guy who lives in Miami and who loves to watch old movies.  Chili may work for the Mafia and he may make his living by intimidating people but he doesn’t seem like such a bad guy, especially when compared to someone like Ray “Bones” Barboni (Dennis Farina).  Bones is an uncouth and rather stupid gangster who steals Chili’s leather jacket from a restaurant.  Chili reacts by breaking Bones’s nose with just one punch.  Bones reacts by trying to shoot Chili but instead, he gets shot by Chili himself.  (The bullet only grazes his forehead.)  Chili can do all this because he’s protected by Momo (Ron Karasbatsos) but, after Momo drops dead after having to walk up several flights of stairs just to then be given a surprise birthday party, Chili suddenly finds himself working for Bones.  (This all happens in the first few minutes of this perfectly paced film.)

Bones, eager to humiliate Chili, sends him to Vegas to collect on a debt owed by a dry cleaner named Leo (David Paymer).  Leo is thought to be dead but Bones wants to collect the money from Leo’s widow.  It’s not the sort of thing that Chili likes to do so instead, he ends up going to Hollywood to collect a debt from B-movie director Harry Zimm (Gene Hackman).  Chili  happens to like Harry’s movies.  He also likes Harry’s current girlfriend and frequent co-star, actress Karen Flores (Rene Russo).

Chili ends up in Hollywood, a town where everyone has some sort of hustle going.  Chili finds himself dealing with drug dealers (Delroy Lindo), egocentric film stars (Danny DeVito), stuntmen-turned-criminals (James Gandolfini), and the widow (Bette Midler) of a screenwriter.  Chili also finds himself looking to escape from the debt collection business by becoming a film producer.  Harry has a script that he wants to make.  Chili proposes a film based on the story of Leo the dry cleaner.  Danny DeVito’s Martin Weir wants to be a “shylock” in a movie just so he can show off his intimidating stare.  (“Is this where I do the look?” he asks while listening to the pitch.)  Get Shorty is a whip-smart satire of Hollywood, one in which the gangsters want to be film people and all of the film people want to be gangsters.  It features wonderful performances from the entire cast, with Travolta epitomizing cool confidence as Chili Palmer.  Hackman, Russo, DeVito, Gandolfini, and Lindo are all excellent in their supporting roles but I have to admit my favorite performance in the film is probably given by Dennis Farina, who turns Bones Barnobi into a very believable (and a believably dangerous) buffoon.

Get Shorty is based on a book by Elmore Leonard.  First published in 1990, the book is a quick and entertaining read, one that reminds us that Leonard was one of the best “genre” writers of his time.  When I read that book, I was surprised to see how closely the movie stuck to the book’s plot.  Much of the film’s dialogue is right there in the book.  It’s a book that practically shouts, “Turn me into a movie!” and fortunately, director Barry Sonnenfeld did just that.

Pulp Fiction, (Written & Dir. Quentin Tarantino) Review by Case Wright


“Pulp Fiction” was as peak 1990s as much as these two:

Or this Archie’s Comic live action show

While “X-Files” attracted big audiences 60-40% male and the reverse for “90210”, “Pulp Fiction” captured 1994: Jocks, Nerds, Guys, Women, Girls, Boys, Boomers, X-ers, Older Millennials, you name it – Everyone was into Pulp Fiction. Tarantino described this art as a number of cliches: the mobster attracted to the mob wife, the boxer who tricks the mobsters into giving him money and NOT throwing the fight, and the killer who finds God. The cliches dig into DNA. WHY? Because they have the same motivations as our caveman ancestors: the unobtainable mate, a sense of honor, and redemption. These themes are the basic building blocks of what make us human beings and why these stories echo through the millennia – our ancestors fears are the same as ours today. Some might claim that “Reservoir Dogs’ was better- they are incorrect– Pulp Fiction was WAY more entertaining.

Even though this was released and written in the 1990s, it had an older feel to it. First, everyone smoked indoors. I remember the 1990s, smoking was on the OUTS big time! Second, man did he like to use a certain racial slur. OOF. But then again, I’m not from Los Angeles. Maybe, it’s like Alabama there? I have no idea! I can say that the film did hold up as re-watched it today. It was still relevant and maybe that’s because it was difficult to pin down the time period; in fact, the music was mostly from the 1970s and the story time jumped- A LOT! The Miramax producer who worked on the show also jumps a lot, but mostly in the shower.

The story begins with two mobsters Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield murdering two guys to get a magical briefcase back to their boss Marsellus Wallace, which feeds into the next storyline of Butch an aging fighter who’s about to rip off the mob, which feeds into Mia Wallace – Marsellus Wallace’s wife overdosing on heroin, which feeds into Butch on a quest to retrieve his great-grandfather’s watch, which feeds into a pretty graphic man on man scene of sexual violence and revenge, which feeds into Jules finding God, which feeds into cleaning brains out of a car, and finally ending in a diner being robbed by Tim Roth. Yes, the film requires attention. It’s not “Dazed and Confused”. You gotta pay attention.

I recently watched a show with Lisa Marie that time jumped – oh no, were their Germans around who got too close at a family reunion off camera?!

I still believe this is Quentin’s Opus and you cannot convince me otherwise because it connected to everyone and launched and re-launched A LOT of careers. Pulp Fiction’s legacy was that it empowered a 1990s writers to work in humor with their grittiness like in Halloween H20, which I reviewed here

https://unobtainium13.com/2016/10/29/halloween-h20-alt-title-they-stab-baby-boomers-dont-they/
: Pulp Fiction, (Written & Dir. Quentin Tarantino) Review by Case Wright

I recommend to going on Hulu and checking Pulp Fiction out again.

Happy 71st Birthday, John Travolta!!


I couldn’t let today go by without recognizing John Travolta. I’ve enjoyed so many of his films over the years, especially movies like GREASE, BLOW OUT, PULP FICTION, and GET SHORTY. But the movie I probably love the most is FACE/OFF. I remember watching it at the movie theater back in 1997 and thinking it was the best movie ever. It came out at a perfect time when I was obsessed with John Woo, and I was still enjoying Travolta’s mid-90’s comeback. I still watch FACE/OFF at least once every year.

Enjoy this excellent scene from John Woo’s FACE/OFF!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.15 “Barbarino’s Baby”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, a longtime Sweathog makes his final appearance.

Episode 4.15 “Barbarino’s Baby”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on February 3rd, 1979)

This episode was John Travolta’s final appearance as Vinnie Barbarino.  That means no more visits to his ugly apartment, no more confusion as to whether or not Barbarino is actually still enrolled in high school, and no more of John Travolta trying his best to give a good performance while the rest of the cast sleep walk through their roles.  Seriously, you have to admire that Travolta was still trying to give a good performance even under the weird circumstances of the fourth season.  The studio audience was going to cheer no matter what Travolta did.  Travolta could have just shrugged off the entire show and character.  I’m sure the temptation to do so was there.  Instead, he did his best.

His final episode really isn’t worth the effort, though,  Barbarino wants to get promoted from scrubbing the floors of the hospital to working in the emergency room.  The head nurse says that there’s no way someone as dumb as Barbarino could be trusted in the ER.  Barbarino asks Mr. Woodman to write a letter.  Julie takes it upon herself to call the hospital and put in a good word for him.  As for Gabe …. he’s not in this episode.  Gabe does nothing!

Maybe Barbarino would get promoted if his idiot friends weren’t always hanging out at the hospital.  Seriously, does that group have nothing better to do than hang out in the world’s ugliest medical facility?  Couldn’t they go hang out on Christopher Street with Horshack or something?  Remember when the Sweathogs were an actual gang who committed crimes?  Epstein was once voted most likely to kill someone.  Freddie used to get accused of stealing every other week.  Beau showed up and they all got wimpy.

Anyway, Barbarino and the Sweathogs get on an elevator with a pregnant woman.  The elevator  stops between floors.  The woman goes into labor.  Time for Barbarino and the Sweathogs to deliver a baby …. *sigh*.  Seriously, there is nothing more stress-inducing than the idea of a bunch of 30 year-old high school students delivering a baby.  The important thing is that the head nurse is able to talk Barbarino through the delivery and Barbarino gets his promotion!  Barbarino is going to the ER!  That’s good news for Horshack because there’s no way he’s not going to end up getting his stomach pumped in the ER eventually.

And that’s John Travolta’s final episode of Welcome Back, Kotter.  It’s a bit of a let down, considering how important the character of Vinnie Barbarino was to the success of the show.  Imagine if The Office finale only allowed Michael Scott to appear for two minutes and only gave him one line of dialogue?  THAT WOULD BE INSANE!

I can only wonder what the rest of this show is going to be like without Kotter and Barbarino.  My fear is that it’s going to involve a lot of Horshack,  We’ll find out.  There’s only a few episodes left!

Lisa Marie Reviews An Oscar Nominee: The Thin Red Line (dir by Terrence Malick)


Based on a novel by James Jones (and technically, a sequel of sorts to From Here To Eternity), 1998’s The Thin Red Line is one of those Best Picture nominees that people seem to either love or hate.

Those who love it point out that the film is visually stunning and that director Terrence Malick takes a unique approach to portraying both the Battle of Guadalcanal and war in general.  Whereas Steven Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan told a rather traditional story about the tragedy of war (albeit with much more blood than previous World War II films), The Thin Red Line used the war as a way to consider the innocence of nature and the corrupting influence of mankind.  “It’s all about property,” one shell-shocked soldier shouts in the middle of a battle and later, as soldiers die in the tall green grass of the film’s island setting, a baby bird hatches out of an egg.  Malick’s film may have been an adaptation of James Jones’s novel but its concerns were all pure Malick, right down to the philosophical voice-overs that were heard throughout the film.

Those who dislike the film point out that it moves at a very deliberate pace and that we don’t really learn much about the characters that the film follows.  In fact, with everyone wearing helmets and running through the overgrown grass, it’s often difficult to tell who is who.  (One gets the feeling that deliberate on Malick’s point.)  They complain that the story is difficult to follow.  They point out that the parade of star cameos can be distracting.  And they also complain that infantrymen who are constantly having to look out for enemy snipers would not necessarily be having an inner debate about the spirituality of nature.

I will agree that the cameos can be distracting.  John Cusack, for example, pops up out of nowhere, plays a major role for a few minutes, and then vanishes from the film.  The sight of John Travolta playing an admiral is also a bit distracting, if just because Travolta’s mustache makes him look a bit goofy.  George Clooney appears towards the end of the film and delivers a somewhat patronizing lecture to the men under his command.  Though his role was apparently meant to be much larger, Adrien Brody ends up two lines of dialogue and eleven minutes of screentime in the film’s final cut.

That said, The Thin Red Line works for me.  The film is not meant to be a traditional war film and it’s not necessarily meant to be a realistic recreation of the Battle of Guadalcanal.  Instead, it’s a film that plays out like a dream and, when viewed a dream, the philosophical voice overs and the scenes of eerie beauty all make sense.  Like the majority of Malick’s films, The Thin Red Line is ultimately a visual poem.  The plot is far less important than how the film is put together.  It’s a film that immerses you in its world.  Even the seeming randomness of the film’s battles and deaths fits together in a definite patten.  It’s a Malick film.  It’s not for everyone but those who are attuned to Malick’s wavelength will appreciate it even if they don’t understand it.

And while Malick does definitely put an emphasis on the visuals, he still gets some good performances out of his cast.  Nick Nolte is chilling as the frustrated officer who has no hesitation about ordering his men to go on a suicide mission.  Elias Koteas is genuinely moving as the captain whose military career is ultimately sabotaged by his kind nature.  Sean Penn is surprisingly convincing as a cynical sergeant while Jim Caviezel (playing the closest thing the film has to a main character) gets a head start on humanizing messianic characters by playing the most philosophical of the soldiers.  Ben Chaplin spends most of his time worrying about his wife back home and his fantasies give us a glimpse of what’s going on in America while its soldiers fight and die overseas.

The Thin Red Line was the first of Terrence Malick’s films to be nominated for Best Picture and it was one of three World War II films to be nominated that year.  However, it lost to Shakespeare In Love.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.14 “Bride and Gloom”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, it’s Welcome Back Barbarino!

Episode 4.14 “Bride and Gloom”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on January 13th, 1979)

Epstein needs a favor from Barbarino.  Remember the time I saved your life? Epstein asks.  No, Barbarino replies.  Well, no matter!  Epstein is still intent on getting to Barbarino to pay him back marrying Epstein’s Guatemalan cousin, Angelina (Rachel Levario).   Angelina needs her citizenship so Vinnie just needs to stay married to her from three days and then they’ll get a divorce and Vinnie can continue to date Nurse Sally (Linda McCullough).  (“What you’re doing is so noble!” Sally tells Barbarino.  I am not sure I would have the same reaction to my boyfriend announcing he was marrying someone else.)

Julie and Woodman tell Barbarino that he’s too young to get married and it’s somewhat jarring to remember that Barbarino and the rest of the Sweathogs are still just supposed to be high school kids.  (John Travolta was the youngest member of the cast but, by the time the fourth season rolled around, even he looked too old to be hanging out at Buchanan High.)  Gabe is not around to provide any advice and I don’t think this episode even bothered to come up with an excuse to explain his absence.

Angelina does not speak a word of English so Epstein serves as the translator while she and Barbarino fight about the wedding.  Angelina wants a nice wedding.  Barbarino just wants to get it over with.  They compromise by holding the ceremony in Barbarino’s ugly apartment.  (If the show couldn’t even spend the money to convince Gabe Kaplan to appear in the show that he was starring on, there was no way they were going to splurge for an extra set.)  The guests are the Sweathogs and Julie and, for some reason, Mr. Woodman.  Babarino and Epstein both have huge families but none of them show up for the wedding.  I guess hiring extras would have cost money.  The show did hire an actor to play the priest so that was good of them.

Does Vinnie Barbarino get married?  No.  Angelina changes her mind and marries a musician instead.  Barbarino can go back to dating Sally and I guess Gabe will just hear about it later at dinner.

“I’m so confused!” Barbarino says at one point and the audience goes wild.  Even though Travolta spent this episode looking like he was pretty much over the whole thing, the studio audience was happy to see him.  The show’s greatest strength, at this point, was Travolta but this episode also shows the limits of the show’s format.  Barbarino had to be both a high school student and a green card groom.  It felt odd and kind of unpleasant.

Finally, why is Barbarino’s apartment is always so filthy?  I get that he’s supposed to be poor and living in New York but seriously, couldn’t they have swept the set occasionally?  The sight of that apartment always depresses me.

This episode features the cast going through the motions and, as was often the case with season 4, it’s obvious that no one really wants to be there.  I certainly didn’t want to be there!  Next week features Barbarino’s final appearance on the show.  Soon, Vinnie will be free.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.13 “A Winter Coat’s Tale”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

It’s Christmas time!

Episode 4.13 “A Winter Coat’s Tale”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on December 16th, 1978)

This week’s episode opens with Vinnie Barbarino in his awful little apartment and the audience goes crazy.  This episode, which aired a year after the release of Saturday Night Fever, makes full use of John Travolta and his charm.  By the time the fourth season began, Travolta looked too old to still be in high school and, having become a movie star, he was only available for a limited number of episodes.  This led to a weird compromise where sometimes Vinnie was apparently still a student at the school and then, in other episode, he was a drop-out who had gotten a job as an orderly at the hospital.  To give credit where credit is due, John Travolta (along with John Sylvester White) appears to have been the only member of the cast who still making an effort during the fourth season.  While the other Sweathogs all seemed to be bored and Marcia Strassman seemed to be annoyed and Gabe Kaplan wasn’t ever around most of the time, Travolta alone still seemed to to be the only cast member with any enthusiasm for delivering the show’s silly punchlines.

As for this episode, it’s a Christmas episode.  Yay!  I love holiday specials!  This one is kind of a depressing Christmas episode because Gabe Kaplan is nowhere around.  Seriously, how burned out do you have to be to not even make an appearance during a Christmas episode?  I mean, the show was based on his stand-up act.  He was the Kotter of the title.  I’ve read that Kaplan was frustrated that the network refused to allow the Sweathogs to graduate high school.  He understood that the actors were all getting too old for the high school storylines that they were being given.  Kaplan’s idea was for the Sweathogs to graduate and enroll in community college.  The network turned him down and, as a result, Kaplan only made a few appearance during the final season of the show he inspired.

Instead, in this episode, it’s Julie who is seen teaching in Gabe’s old classroom.  I am really confused as to what Julie’s exact job was during season four.  Previously, she’s been Woodman’s secretary.  And occasionally, she’s acted like a guidance counselor.  Now, suddenly she’s a teacher.  The inconsistency of it is just annoying and again, it suggests that no one on the show really cared that much.

As for the episode’s plot, Vinnie bought himself a fake camel hair coat for Christmas.  Unfortunately, during a fire drill, it got trampled.  Vinnie tried to take it to a dry cleaner’s, just for it to be stolen by two muggers who Vinnie described as being “gorillas.”  Later, the muggers returned the coat to Vinnie’s apartment and they turned out to be two kids.  Vinnie, realizing that the kids had even less than him, gave them a coat for Christmas.  Unfortunately, he accidentally gave them Woodman’s coat instead of his.  Yes, Mr. Woodman and the Sweathogs were all visiting Vinnie’s apartment for Christmas.  Poor Mr. Woodman.  The episode confirmed that he had nobody in his life.

Usually, I like anything involving Christmas but this episode featured a bit too much Horshack (his Christmas poem made me want to throw away my laptop) and very little of the type of clever humor that made the first two seasons enjoyable.  I think graduation would have been the best present this show could have given the Sweathogs.

 

 

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.10 “Washington’s Clone”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, Washington gets an admirer.

Episode 4.10 “Washington’s Clone”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on November 11th, 1978)

Arthur (Ron Dennis) is a nerdy student who worships Freddie and desperately wants to be a Sweathog.  When Freddie tells Arthur that he’s too smart and clean-cut to be a Sweathog, Arthur reacts by dressing like Washington and trying to act just like Washington.  At first, the Sweathogs are amused and Washington is slightly flattered.  But then Washington discovers that Arthur is stealing watches and selling them in the school courtyard.  Washington tells Arthur that Sweathogs don’t commit crimes, which is certainly a change from the first season of the show.

After Julie tells Washington that Arthur’s grades are slipping and he’s throwing away his future, Washington goes to Barbarino for advice.  The audience goes crazy for Babarino’s cameo but I have to admit that I cringed the whole time.  I don’t like the idea of Barbarino working in the hospital.  Every time Barbarino makes an appearance, he’s making life difficult for a patient.  In this case, he spends so much time thinking about Washington’s problem that he doesn’t realize he’s spilling food all over a hungry man in a hospital bed.  It was nerve-wracking to watch and not particularly funny.

(Again, in all fairness, it’s hard for me to see any scene set in a hospital room without thinking about my Dad.  So, your mileage may vary as far as Barbarino’s cameo is concerned.  For me, it still hits too close to home.)

Eventually, Washington and the other Sweathogs dress up like members of a street gang (which, again, is what the Sweathogs were supposed to be during the first two seasons of the show) and they tell Arthur that he’s going to have to help them attack Mr. Woodman in order to become a Sweathog.  (Uhmm …. this seems like a bad idea.)  Arthur says he has no problem with that but, in the end, he defends Woodman when the Sweathogs pretend to attack him.  Arthur goes back to being himself and somehow the Sweathogs are not expelled.  Julie tells them that she “can’t believe I’m saying this,” but she’s mildly impressed with how they handled Arthur.  Julie is even bitchier without Gabe around than when he was forcing her to listen to his jokes.

Indeed, Gabe does not appear in this episode and there’s no reference made to where he might be.  You would think that, being vice-principal, he would be the one who would be talking to Arthur about his grades.  Gabe Kaplan, of course, was not on the show because he was upset that the network and their refusal to allow the Sweathogs to graduate high school.  In-universe, one can only guess that Gabe Kotter just doesn’t like to come out of his office.

For a fourth season episode, Washington’s Clone wasn’t bad.  Ron Dennis’s performance as Arthur made me smile.  The fact that he was dramatically shorter than Washington made his attempts to imitate Washington a lot more humorous than they would have been otherwise.  Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs gave a good performance as Washington, even if his sudden concern about following the law went against everything that the show had previously established about the character.  This episode was amusing (with the exception of Barbarino’s cameo) and Horshack didn’t say much.  You can’t complain about that.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.9 “The Barbarino Blues”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

Well, they tease him a lot …. even though he’s not longer on the spot….

Episode 4.9 “The Barbarino Blues”

(Dir by November 3rd, 1978, directed by Norman Abbott)

Gabe Kaplan is not in this episode but John Travolta is.  The audience goes wild when they see John Travolta stepped onto the soundstage.  Maybe they were worried they were going to get stuck watching one of the episodes in which Barbarino doesn’t appear.

Well, no worries for them!  This episode is all about Barbarino and the Sweathogs.  Unfortunately, the majority of it takes place in Barbarino’s incredibly ugly and dirty-looking apartment.  I don’t know why but every 70s sitcom appeared to take place in the filthiest locations possible.  I saw an episode of All In The Family recently and I found myself cringing at the thought of all the bugs and weevils that were probably buried in Archie Bunker’s chair.  Welcome Back Kotter takes thing even further by having Vinnie live in what appears to be the drug room in an abandoned building.  Joe Buck and Ratso lived in a nicer place.

Anyway, Barbarino is depressed.  He was going to break up with his girlfriend but she dumped him first.  “I’m so depressed!” Travolta says, in his high-pitched Barbarino voice.  The other Sweathogs try to help Barbarino conquer the blues.  This means that a good deal of the episode is taken up with Beau giving advice to Barbarino.  The whole thing is set up as a changing of the guard sort of thing.  It’s as if the show is saying, “You think John Travolta’s cool?  Well, check out Stephen Shortridge!”

It’s a dumb episode.  At one point, the Sweathogs point out that Barbarino hasn’t come to school in three days and it was a bit jarring to be reminded that the middle-aged-looking men were all supposed to be high school students.  Usually, whenever this show had a bad episode, John Travolta would serve as Welcome Back Kotter‘s saving grace.  But, with this episode, Travolta appears to be as bored as just about everyone else.  Travolta had movie stardom to focus on.  By the time this episode aired, he had been nominated for an Oscar.  It’s probably safe to say that being a Sweathog was the last thing on Travolta’s mind.

Speaking of the Sweathogs, I have defended Ron Pallilo’s performance as Horshack in the past.  Yes, Horshack is annoying but Pallilo occasionally managed to capture the character’s sweet and innocent nature.  But I have to admit that I’ve spent  most of the fourth season hoping that someone will finally toss Horshack off the Brooklyn Bridge.  Everyone turned into a caricature during the fourth season and, since Horshack was already a caricature, that just made his character even more annoying.  There’s also the fact that Ron Pallilo was 30 years old during the fourth season and he looked older.  Whenever he did Horshack’s signature laugh, the wrinkles on his face would suddenly appear and make him look like a map of the interstate highway system.

I guess my point is that this is another episode that left little doubt that it was time for everyone to move on.  I mean, when even Kotter isn’t around to be welcomed back, it’s time to graduate and start a new life as a featured player Off-Broadway.  To quote the Chambers Brothers: “TIME!”