Who wouldn’t want to be a member of the Ghostbusters? (No, not the new version. I’m talking about the version with Venkman and Ray and Egon.) I got a chance to try when, while exploring the dark side of the Internet Archive, I played Ghostbusters — Basic Training (1987, Activision, Inc.).
Unfortunately, it turns out that catching ghosts is far more difficult than I originally assumed.
This is what the game starts with. A night in a haunted house? No problem, I can do that standing on my head. I pressed return.
There’s the familiar logo! I pressed return again.
Good. I’m in front of the house. Let’s get started with the training. From my own experience playing text adventures, I know that the first thing I should do is check my inventory.
A text adventure that does not understand one of the most basic commands in interactive fiction? That seems strange but I’ll adjust. Since the description of my location disappeared when I typed in inventory, I’ll take another look around.
“Look,” I type.
An adventure game that doesn’t know the look command? I search my memory and try to remember the directions that were previously listed. The house was to the northwest.
“NW” I type.
“Northwest”
What? Maybe I got the directions wrong.
“North”
“South.”
“East.”
“West.”
“Go house.”
“Go porch.”
“Annoyed.”
“Rage”
You get the idea. Because the game and I are speaking different languages, I have yet to actually enter the house and get trained. I haven’t even managed to step on the porch yet.
I’m never going to be a Ghostbuster.
Granny Gargoli (Stella Stevens) is an old, wealthy, and dying. With the exception of her niece, Kelly (Shannon Whirry, wearing glasses so it’s clear that she is not a gold digger), Granny hates her entire family. When they come by for Thanksgiving dinner and start arguing about who is going to inherit Granny’s money, Granny snaps at her oldest son, “You’re the load that I should’ve swallowed!”
Through the Shattered Lens 