Halloween Resurrection: ALT Title: Big Brother in Hell, but boring

Posted on October 30, 2016 by casewright

hallres4

Dearest Gentle Readers, we have reached the last installment of the Halloween review series- there have been peaks and there have been subterranean valleys. Halloween Resurrection is a valley that hides under a viaduct that is peed in constantly by drunken hobos; it’s not good. Sorry to end on a low note, but Resurrection really shit the bed. Halloween H20 was a throwback to suspense and cleverness and Resurrection is a throwback to sitting in the DMV and hoping you’ll have a cardiac event. It is obvious to me that the writing sunk this film. The actors in both films were pretty good. In fact, the second film had Katee Sackhoff of BSG fame, but terrible writing can sink the greatest performances. In this case, Halloween Resurrection had the unholy mixture of being boring and preachy. Not a huge shocker that the person who wrote Resurrection was Larry Brand who went on to bore us by writing the script for “Girl on the Train.” Rick Rosenthal, the Resurrection director, is very talented, but when your script is garbage, you can’t expect miracles, but you can expect a terrible movie.

We begin by learning that JLC didn’t kill her brother; It was a setup. BLECHHH! JLC is in an asylum and MM comes in, kills her, and gives the knife to a mental patient – framing him. I’m not writing more than that because it sucked so bad. This opening pissed me off because it negated the better previous film and did it in a shitty way. RAGE GROWING!!! The opening sequence deserves capital punishment and then to be dug up and shot. RAGE!

HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS OVER LONG COLD OPEN:

rage

*Breathes into paper bag*

Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks are making an Internet reality show. Sarah, the heroine, is ambivalent. Katee Sackhoff plays a fame whore. There’s a guy from American Pie. There’s a very attractive Ginger. A guy who looks like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds. A guy named Rudy. Deckar is a 15 year old who is Sarah’s Internet Boyfriend and likely the first Internet catfish who never sees Sarah, but helps her along the way like Al in Quantum Leap (Quantum Leap was a show about how Presidents practiced nude decoupage….PROVE ME WRONG … by watching the show).

Busta and Tyra have set up all of the Internet participants to stay at the Haddonfield home of MM with crazy evil props everywhere – think if Big Brother took a psychopathic, yet boring left turn.

Deckar is convinced by his friend to go to a party and get offline because then they can meet people IRL and get laid. Deckar’s friend has a point, but it gets belaboured because this movie sucks. They go to a Halloween party dressed like Pulp Fiction characters because their 14 year old peers would totally get the reference somehow to a movie that came out when they were 4. Deckar – a fifteen year old boy – sneaks away from the party, goes into a room alone, shuts the door, turns on the homeowner’s computer, gets comfy in swivel chair, goes onto the Internet, and totally does NOT engage in self-abuse….OKAY, that’s his story and he’s sticking to it! He watches the Big Brother from Hell and starts to think that there might be some real murdering going on in the BB From Hell House.

American Pie guy pervs on Katee Sackhoff and nearly gets some where, but is soon killed.

Teens walk in on Deckar, seeing him on the computer alone in the room and the teen boy shouts, PERV! Finally, some honesty in this film in re: onanism!

BB From Hell: Booger tries to convince Ginger to have sex with him. We learn that she is a”Critical Studies” major. CRITICAL STUDIES?!!! CAN’T ANYTHING BE REAL?! Seriously movie, fuck off! You’re not even trying! Initially, Ginger spurns Booger’s moves, but then out of nowhere, Ginger needs to pork Booger. FINE.

Wait…I’m calling the police:

9-1-1: What is your emergency?

Me: I want to report an ongoing theft and assault.

9-1-1: What is being stolen and who is being assaulted?

Me: All viewers of this terrible film are having their valuable time stolen.

9-1-1: Sir, who is being assaulted?

Me: Art Itself! FIND HIM…LARRY BRAND!

9-1-1: Oh yeah, he did that terrible train movie thing…We’re inbound.

Sarah and the others confront Busta Rhymes about the BB House from Hell. He admits that it’s all fake. Soon after, all of the moderately interesting people are killed: Booger, Ginger, Katee Sackhoff, Rudy, and Tyra Banks (she’s killed off screen).

Only Busta and Sarah are left to save the day. They battle MM and electrocute him, but he opens his eyes at the end, so whatever.

There are times when writers should be failed.

Wait, I just got a letter from Larry Brand. He apologizes for being just awful.

4 Shots From Horror History: Halloween, Paranormal Activity, Colverfield, The House of the Devil

Posted on October 29, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 Shots From 4 Films. I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.

Today, we complete to the aughts!

4 Shots From 4 Films

Halloween (2007, dir by Rob Zombie)

Paranormal Activity (2007, dir by Oren Peli)

Cloverfield (2008, dir by Matt Reeves)

The House of the Devil (2009, dir by Ti West)

Horror on the Lens: Panic at Lakewood Manor (dir by Robert Scheerer)

Posted on October 29, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror on the lens is a made-for-TV movie from 1977. This movie has many different names: Panic at Lakewood Manor, It Happened At Lakewood Manor, and Ants.

Panic at Lakewood Manor is a mix of different genres. It’s a disaster film, a soap opera, and ultimately a revenge-of-nature horror film. The film begins with our cast gathering at Lakewood Manor, a luxury hotel that’s only partially finished. In fact, the owners are so determined to complete construction that they ignore the threat posed by …. KILLER ANTS!

Anyway, this is a made-for-TV movie from the 70s so it’s never as graphic as what we’d expect to see today. That said, I once accidentally stepped on a fire ant mound while I was barefoot and OH MY GOD DID THAT EVER HURT! AGCK!

If you’re a fan of old movies, you’ll enjoy seeing a lot of familiar faces in this one. Even Myrna Loy shows up!

(Incidentally, this film was written by Guerdon Trueblood, who directed the brilliant The Candy Snatchers.)

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Bleed (dir by Tripp Rahme)

Posted on October 28, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

What happens when you take a little Paranormal Activity and mix it in with a little Rosemary’s Baby and then toss in Devil’s Due and then top it all off with a sprinkle of Deliverance and The Chernobyl Diaries and just a hint of the remake of I Spit On Your Grave?

You end up with a big ol’ mess of a movie. I just watched Bleed on Netflix and the plot is so convoluted that I’m still trying to figure out what exactly I just watched.

But, before I try to figure this all out, let’s take a look at the trailer:

Sarah (Chelsey Crisp) is a newlywed who appears to have it all. She’s got a wonderful husband, Matt (Michael Steger), they’ve got a beautiful house out in the country, and even more importantly, they’ve got a baby on the way! So what if the nearby town seems to be a little bit creepy and is full of country-accented men with beards? And so what if there’s a deserted prison nearby, one that is rumored to be haunted by the spirit of a preacher-turned-serial killer who died when a fire broke out at the prison? And what about that mysterious woman who keeps showing up in the nearby field and screaming like a banshee? That’s just local color! Anyone who thinks that’s unusual has obviously never lived in Oklahoma or visited Hot Springs, Arkansas.

In order to celebrate their new home, Sarah and Matt decide to invite their best friends out to the house. Dave (Elimu Nelson) and Bree (Brittany Ishibashi) are a likable couple, especially now that Bree is regularly taking her medication. Bree is schizophrenic and hears voices when she doesn’t take her meds. To the film’s credit, it portrays Bree as a positive character and never goes down the path that I feared it would follow.

Suddenly, Sarah’s good-for-nothing brother, Eric (Riley Smith) shows up. His girlfriend, Skye (Lyndon Smith) is with him. The first thing that Eric does is ask for money. The second thing that Eric does is get high. The third thing that Eric does is talk about how he and Skye have spent the past few months driving across America and searching for ghosts. And hey, isn’t there a haunted prison somewhere nearby?

Meanwhile, Skye takes a bath. While she’s in the bathtub, she suddenly see an evil-looking apparition standing over her. She screams for help and Matt responds. The apparition has vanished. Sarah glares at Matt and the towel-clad Skye. “I didn’t know she’d be half-naked!” Matt protests. Of course not! Why would someone get undressed before taking a bath?

Anyway, Eric convinces everyone but Sarah to search for ghosts with them. Sarah drops them off at the ruins of the prison, promises to come back for them in a few hours, and then starts back home. Unfortunately, she has an accident on the way back and ends up getting a ride with a creepy deputy. And it quickly becomes clear that the deputy isn’t in any hurry to get her back home…

Meanwhile, at the prison, all Hell breaks loose. Skye sees another evil spirit. Eric’s throat gets slashed but oddly, it stops bleeding after a few seconds. Voices are heard. Objects move. So many Paranormal Activity-type things occur that I’m actually surprised (and relieved) that Bleed wasn’t a found footage film…

One thing that Bleed does is that it keeps you guessing. At first, I assumed it would be another city folk vs. hillbillies type of film but then it turned into a ghost story. And, for a long while, I thought it was just another ghost story but then it turned out to be something different all together. Admittedly, the film sometimes struggles to handle the constant shift in tone but, oddly, that kinda works. It definitely keeps the viewer off-balance.

As you might expect from a film that’s constantly changing tone, Bleed is a bit uneven but it’s definitely a watchable and intriguing horror film and the film makes good use of that atmospheric prison. For a lot of viewers, Bleed will probably be a love-it-or-hate-it type of film. It’s well-directed but the story is just almost unnecessarily complicated. My recommendation is that you watch it and judge for yourself.

Horror on the Lens: The House That Would Not Die (dir by John Llewellyn Moxey)

Posted on October 28, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror on the lens is a 1970 made-for-TV movie called The House That Would Not Die!

In this film, Barbara Stanwyck and Kitty Winn move into a colonial house that is rumored to be haunted! Seances, possession, and scandal follows! There’s time travel, slow mo, an exaggerated wind effects! It’s all kinda silly but kinda fun too.

Enjoy!

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: The Sweet House of Horrors (dir by Lucio Fulci)

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Mary and Roberto Vivaldi (played by Lubka Lenzi and Pascal Persiano) would appear to have a perfect life, perhaps because they do. They’re young. They’re attractive. They’re in love. They’re rich. They have a really nice house and they have two children, a boy and a girl. What could go wrong, right?

Well, they could come home from a party and discover that their house is being burglarized. And the burglar could then proceed to graphically and viscously murder them, smashing in Robert’s head and, since this is a Lucio Fulci film, popping out Mary’s eye. In fact, the opening murder is so graphic and so disturbing that it’s somewhat surprising to learn that this movie was made for television.

Of course, what’s even stranger is that the rest of the film is oddly tame, particularly for a Fulci film. Perhaps they only had enough money in the budget for one graphic gore scene.

Anyway, the parents are now dead and the children are now orphans. At the funeral, the children shock everyone by playing and laughing. However, a few seconds later, they’re standing over the grave and crying. Some people would call this an inconsistency but I think it’s the most realistic part of the film. When you lose someone who you love, you do strange things. There is no one proper way to grieve. As someone who suffered through his share of personal tragedy, this was something that Fulci probably understood.

The parents may be dead but they’re not gone! Instead, they’re haunting the house. The children are overjoyed but their new guardian, Aunt Marcia (Cinzia Monreale, who was Emily in Fulci’s The Beyond) is not. Marcia freaks out upon realizing that the house is haunted and it certainly doesn’t help that she’s attacked by a gigantic fly in the attic. Her husband, the incredibly dense Carlo (Jean Christophe Bretigniere), doesn’t think anything strange is happening. Still, Carlo does agree that it would be a good idea to sell the house and move the children elsewhere.

Nope! The parents have no intention of letting that happen! Of course, the dead parents main concern to kill the man who killed them but, once he’s dead (it doesn’t take that long), they’re free to spend their time pushing a real estate agent down a flight of stairs, harassing Marcia and Carlo and eventually causing an exorcist’s hand to melt.

If you’re getting the feeling that both the dead parents and the living children are pretty obnoxious, that’s because they are. I mean, it’s one thing to not want to be separated. That’s something we can all relate to. It’s another thing to melt a man’s hand and then laugh about it. Add to that, neither Marcia nor Carlo come across as being particularly villainous. It’s not like they’re planning on murdering the kids for their inheritance or sending them to a Dickensian orphanage or anything like that. They just want the kids to stop conducting black magic ceremonies and they want to live in a house that isn’t haunted. No matter how much sympathy you may have for the parents or the kids, it’s hard to deny that Marcia and Carlo aren’t being all that unreasonable.

(It also doesn’t help that the film ends with the suggestion that the dead parents can stay with the kids regardless of whether the house is sold or not.)

And yet, I can’t help but like The Sweet House of Horrors. Even though it doesn’t make much sense and it’s hampered by a low-budget (just check out the floating flames that represent the dead parents), there’s a sincerity to The Sweet House of Horrors. The parents really do seem to love their obnoxious children and the film actually does provide some insight regarding the way that children use imagination to deal with grief. Like many of his later film, The Sweet House of Horrors is hit-and-miss but Lucio Fulci still comes up with a few good visuals, suggesting that his heart may have been in this film in a way that it wasn’t in some of the other films he made during the final years of his storied career. Just the fact that The Sweet House of Horrors tells such an openly sentimental story makes it unique in Fulci’s filmography.

The Sweet House of Horrors cannot be compared to such Fulci classics as The Beyond, The House By The Cemetery, The Black Cat, or Zombi 2. But still, it’s an interesting little film and provides a hint that, even during his decline, Fulci still possessed some of the talent that made his earlier films so iconic.

Horror Film Review: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (dir by Dominique Othenin-Girard)

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh … dammit.

Hi everyone! We are currently in the process of our annual horrorthon here at the Shattered Lens so I thought it would be a good idea if me and some of my fellow writers reviewed all of the Halloween films! Arleigh already reviewed the original Halloween back in 2010 and I took a look at the first sequel in 2012. So, it just made perfect sense to me that we go ahead and take a look at the rest of the films in the series!

Yesterday, Case reviewed Halloween 4 and, later, he’ll be taking a look at Resurrection and H20. Jedadiah Leland is taking look at Halloween 6 tomorrow. So, that leaves me with … *sigh* Halloween 5.

BLEH!

Before we dive into the crapfest that was Halloween 5, let’s take a look at the trailer! It’ll be fun!

The trailer’s actually fairly effective. I have to wonder how many people, way back in 1989, were fooled into seeing this film as a result of this trailer? I imagine probably more than who are willing to admit it. Paying money to see Halloween 5 doesn’t seem like something anyone would want to brag about.

Halloween 5 is the one that has the dumb cops. Now, I know that every Halloween film seems to feature at least a few dumb cops but the ones in Halloween 5 are really dumb. And they get their own theme music! That’s right — whenever these two dumb cops show up on screen, comedic circus music plays. Needless to say, it’s woefully out of place in a horror movie. I read that this was apparently meant to be an homage to the dumb cops from the original Last House On the Left. This despite the fact that … EVERYONE HATED THE DUMB COPS IN LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT!!! Even Wes Craven later said that the dumb cops were a mistake! If you’re going to rip off (or pay homage) to another movie, don’t pay homage to the part that sucked!

Anyway, you may remember that Halloween 4 ended with Jamie (Danielle Harris) attacking her mother and holding a knife. Uh-oh, looks like Jamie’s going to be a murderer! Well, no — that would have been too interesting. Halloween 5 finds Jamie being committed to a mental hospital for a year while Michael Myers (Don Shanks) is in a coma. Michael eventually comes out of his coma and starts stalking Jamie all over again.

Once again, Dr. Loomis (a depressingly frail Donald Pleasence) is one of the few people who realizes that Michael is still alive and once again, nobody is willing to listen to him. Here’s the thing: Dr. Loomis may be kinda crazy and yes, all the scars are kinda disturbing but he’s been right every single freaking time in the past. I understand that the people of Haddonfield are kind of in denial about Michael but this is just getting ridiculous.

Rachel Carrathurs (Ellie Cornell) returns for this movie but she gets killed early on. Apparently, she was killed so that the audience would know that anyone could be killed and that nobody was safe but Rachel was such a strong character and Ellie Cornell did such a good job playing her in the previous film that you really feel her absence in Halloween 5. Her death leaves a void that the film fails to adequately fill. Add to that, if you insist on killing a kickass character like Rachel, at least give her a memorable death scene. Don’t just have her blithely wandering around the house half-naked until she suddenly gets stabbed, as if she was just some generic slasher victim and not the lead of the previous movie.

With Rachel dead, it now falls to her amazingly annoying best friend, Tina (Wendy Kaplan), to serve as Jamie’s protector. Tina is hyperactive and talkative and quirky and blah blah blah. Basically, she’s like that person who is really annoying but since you’ve known her since the third grade, you feel obligated to hang out with her.

It all leads to another big Halloween party and few rather bloodless deaths. It’s all pretty boring, to be honest. There is one good scene where Michael chases Jamie in a car (the headlights cutting through the darkness create a wonderfully eerie effect) but, otherwise, it’s depressingly generic.

In the end, Michael is captured and put in a jail cell. Fortunately, a mysterious man in black shows up and breaks him out. Gee, I wonder what that’s about?

Halloween 5 is undoubtedly the worst of the Halloween films.

Bleh!

4 Shots From Horror History: Final Destination, The Others, 28 Days Later, Bubba Ho-Tep

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to the 21st Century!

4 Shots From 4 Films

Final Destination (2000, dir by James Wong)

The Others (2001, dir by Alejandro Amenabar)

28 Days Later (2002, dir by Danny Boyle)

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002, dir by Don Coscarelli)

Horror on the Lens: Dementia 13 (dir by Francis Ford Coppola)

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(I originally shared this film back in 2011 — can you believe we’ve been doing this for that long? — but the YouTube vid was taken down. So, I’m resharing it today!)

For today’s excursion into the world of public domain horror, I offer up the film debut of Francis Ford Coppola. Before Coppola directed the Godfathers and Apocalypse Now, he directed a low-budget, black-and-white thriller that was called Dementia 13. (Though, in a sign of things to come, producer Roger Corman and Coppola ended up disagreeing on the film’s final cut and Corman reportedly brought in director Jack Hill to film and, in some cases, re-film additional scenes.)

Regardless of whether the credit should go to Coppola, Corman, or Hill, Dementia 13 is a brutally effective little film that is full of moody photography and which clearly served as an influence on the slasher films that would follow it in the future. Speaking of influence,Dementia 13 itself is obviously influenced by the Italian giallo films that, in 1963, were just now starting to make their way into the drive-ins and grindhouses of America.

In the cast, keep an eye out for Patrick Magee, who later appeared as Mr. Alexander in A Clockwork Orange as well as giving a memorable performance in Lucio Fulci’s The Black Cat. Luana Anders, who plays the duplicitous wife in this film, showed up in just about every other exploitation film made in the 60s and yes, the scene where she’s swimming freaks me out to no end.

(One final note: I just love the title Dementia 13. Seriously, is that a great one or what?)