Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.12 “Take a Letter, Vicki/The Floating Bridge Game/The Joy of Celibacy”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance….

Episode 5.12 “Take a Letter, Vicki/The Floating Bridge Game/The Joy of Celibacy”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 12th, 1981)

Captain Stubing notices that Vicki seems to be depressed.  He asks his crew if they have any idea what’s wrong with her.

Actually, he could have just asked me.  Why is Vicki depressed?  Maybe it’s because she’s a teenage girl who spends all of her time on a boat surrounded by people who are all at least twenty to thirty years older than her?  Maybe it’s because she doesn’t have any friends her own age?   Maybe it’s because Julie’s now too coked up to be the surrogate mother figure that she was during the previous two seasons?  Seriously, there’s a lot reasons why Vicki might be depressed but they all have on solution.  Let Vicki go to school on the mainland and allow her to have some friends her own age!

The crew, however, thinks that the Captain should just hire Vicki to be his secretary.  Stubing agrees.  Vicki is happy to have a job and she immediately does the exact same thing that I would do under those circumstances.  She rearranges the captain’s entire office.  The Captain can’t find anything but personally, I think his office does look better once everything has been straightened up.  A messy office leads to a messy mind and, on a cruise ship, a messy mind can lead to a collision with an ice berg.

Vicki then issues a cheerful memo, telling all the members of the crew that they should give the Captain a daily run-down of their plans for the day.  Again, I think that makes total sense.  The crew, however, is outraged.  The Captain is worried that Vicki is taking her position too seriously but he doesn’t know how to fire her.  (When did Captain Stubing become a wimp?  This is a weird episode.)  The crew decides to give Vicki so much work that she’ll quite out of frustration but they discover that Vicki is determined to do a good job.  No one knows what to do….

LET HER HAVE FRIENDS HER OWN AGE AND A NORMAL LIFE!  THAT’S THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO!

Anyway, the overworked Vicki eventually falls asleep on the job.  The Captain uses that as an excuse to fire her.  Vicki smiles because she didn’t really enjoy the job in the first place.  Usually, the relationship between the Captain and Vicki is one of the better elements of The Love Boat but this episode left me feeling really bad for Vicki.  She’s really missing out on the best years of her life.

As for the other two stories, neither was very interesting.  A bridge club made up of four widows takes the cruise and are shocked when one of them (played by Nanette Fabray) decides she would rather spend time with a handsome dentist (Robert Alda) than play bridge.  My question here is why would you spend money to play bridge on a cruise while you could just play at home for free.  If you’re on a cruise, enjoy the scenery!  Don’t just play bridge.  Meanwhile, Barry Styles (Jim Trent) pretended to be a big believer in celibacy in order to get “ice queen” Linda Trent (Carlee Watkins) to fall for him.  Doc and Gopher made a bet on whether or not he would be successful.  DOC!  GOPHER!  You two know you’re better than that!

This week’s cruise was just sad.  The bridge club wasted a lot of money.  Linda was the center of a misogynistic bet.  Vicki is still going to be lonely and depressed next week.  What a sad trip on The Love Boat.

Here Are The 2024 DGA Nominations


The Director Guild has announced its nominees for the best of 2024.  This is one of strongest of the precursors so A Complete Unknown getting mentioned both by the DGA and the SAG would seem to indicate that it’s going to get a Best Picture nod as well.  We’ll find out next week!

FEATURE FILM
JACQUES AUDIARD, Emilia Pérez
SEAN BAKER, Anora
EDWARD BERGER, Conclave
BRADY CORBET, The Brutalist
JAMES MANGOLD, A Complete Unknown

FIRST-TIME THEATRICAL FEATURE FILM
PAYAL KAPADIA, All We Imagine as Light
MEGAN PARK, My Old Ass
RAMELL ROSS, Nickel Boys
HALFDAN ULLMANN TØNDEL, Armand
SEAN WANG, Dìdi

Song of the Day: Heroes by David Bowie


For today’s song of the day, we have my favorite David Bowie song, HeroesHeroes was also featured in one of my favorite downbeat movies, 1981’s Christiane F.

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can beat them, just for one day
We can be heroes, just for one day

And you, you can be mean
And I, I’ll drink all the time
‘Cause we’re lovers, and that is a fact
Yes we’re lovers, and that is that
Though nothing will keep us together
We could steal time just for one day
We can be heroes for ever and ever
What d’you say?

I, I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim
Though nothing, nothing will keep us together
We can beat them, for ever and ever
Oh we can be Heroes, just for one day

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can be Heroes, just for one day
We can be us, just for one day

I, I can remember (I remember)
Standing, by the wall (by the wall)
And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads)
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)
And the shame, was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever
Then we could be Heroes, just for one day

We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
Just for one day
We can be Heroes

We’re nothing, and nothing will help us
Maybe we’re lying, then you better not stay
But we could be safer, just for one day

Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh, just for one day

Songwriters: Brian Eno / David Bowie

KID GALAHAD (1962) – Charles Bronson teaches Elvis how to box! Happy Birthday to the King!


In celebration of the January 8th birthday of the great Elvis Presley, I decided to watch his 1962 film KID GALAHAD, the only film where he co-stars with my movie hero Charles Bronson. I’ve always been a fan of Elvis Presley and seeing him on-screen with Bronson is a real treat for me.

KID GALAHAD opens with Walter Gulick (Elvis Presley) returning to his hometown in upstate New York. Recently discharged from the army, and in the need of money, the aspiring mechanic finds his way to Willy Grogan’s (Gig Young) boxing camp and agrees to spar with one of his up-and-coming young boxers. Walter doesn’t have much boxing skill, but he ends up having one hell of a right hook and knocks the young boxer flat on his ass. Seeing this, Willy Grogan, who has all sorts of personal and financial problems, thinks Walter might be the answer to getting out of debt to his bookie. Willy asks his trainer Lew (Charles Bronson) to work with the young, strong Walter, who’s now been dubbed “Galahad” by Willy’s girlfriend Dolly (Lola Albright) after he had protected her honor from a “man who doesn’t know how to behave around a lady.” Pretty soon, Willy has fights arranged for Walter under the name of “Kid Galahad.” The first fight begins with Galahad getting his faced being punched repeatedly until he gets one opening and then knocks the other fighter out with one punch. After that, with Lew’s help, Galahad’s skills start showing definite improvement. When he’s not working with Lew at the gym, Galahad finds time to romance and propose to Willy’s sister, Rose (Joan Blackman). This causes problems with the troubled Willy who doesn’t want his sister married to some “meatball” or “grease monkey.” Even worse, smelling money, gangster Otto Danzig (David Lewis) and his henchmen start putting pressure on the financially troubled Willy to force Galahad to take a dive in his big fight with “Sugar Boy” Romero so they can clean up on the fix, going so far as breaking Lew’s hands. Will Willy get the balls to say no to the gangsters? Will Galahad be able to beat Sugar Boy Romero and then retire to open his garage with Rose by his side? You probably already know, but you’ll just have to watch and see!

1962’s KID GALAHAD is a remake of a 1937 movie of the same name directed by Michael Curtiz, and starring cinematic legends Edward G. Robinson, Bette Davis, and Humphrey Bogart. I’ve never seen the earlier version, so I will not compare the two in any way. And to be completely honest, I haven’t watched very many Elvis Presley movies either. As I type this, I can’t think of a single moment I remember in his filmography not included in KID GALAHAD, and I wouldn’t have watched this one without the presence of Charles Bronson. With that said, I think Elvis gives a good performance in KID GALAHAD. He’s very likable, with his character having an old-fashioned chivalry towards women, a friendly, open way with men, and an appreciation for a strong work ethic. I think Elvis handles each of these parts of his character in a way to that makes me want to root for him. As good as Elvis is as Kid Galahad, Gig Young does most of the heavy lifting as the story really revolves around his character’s troubles even more than it does around Galahad. I think he does a pretty good job of taking a character who’s a pretty sorry guy, and by the end of the movie we actually find ourselves starting to like him. Even though he’s in a true supporting role, Charles Bronson is excellent as the trainer who teaches Galahad how to box. Every scene Bronson’s in is elevated by his enormous screen presence and authority. With Bronson in his corner, you feel Galahad is capable of anything. The most powerful scene in the entire film is when the gangsters try to buy his character off under the threat of violence, and he refuses, leading to his hands being broken. After becoming one of the biggest stars on the planet a number of years later, it’s easy to look back at these moments and wonder how in the hell was he not already a huge star in 1962.

Of course, this being an Elvis Presley movie, there are several musical numbers spread throughout the movie. While I don’t remember too much about the songs themselves, they didn’t really take me out of the drama of the movie either. I actually enjoyed seeing Elvis perform, with the people around him clapping along and enjoying themselves. I do remember a specific scene where Elvis is singing as he’s driving down the road, and Bronson’s sitting in the back seat with a big smile on his face like he’s having a great time. That’s my favorite moment of all the songs.  

Although I haven’t watched many of his movies, I’ve been an appreciative fan of Elvis Presley all my life. I can’t tell you how many times I heard his Christmas album in my younger years, as my mom would play it almost on repeat once we got to November. He was a talented, versatile singer whose charisma and stage presence have never been matched, and whose influence on music and entertainment is immeasurable. The fact that Elvis Presley and Charles Bronson made KID GALAHAD together means something to me, and I had a great time revisiting the film on his birthday!

See the Original Trailer for KID GALAHAD below.

The Manliest Covers Of True Men


by Wil Hulsey

From 1957 to 1975, True Men Stories featured articles about real men doing manly stuff, like fighting wild animals and saving women from enemy soldiers.  Below, check out a few of the manliest covers of True Men!

Artist Unknown

Artist Unknown

by Earl Norem

by Earl Norem

by Earl Norem

by Earl Norem

by Wil Hulsey

by Wil Hulsey

by Wil Hulsey

by Wil Hulsey

by Wil Hulsey

by Wil Hulsey

by Wil Hulsey

Unknown Artist

 

Here Are The 2025 SAG Nominations


Due to the catastrophic wildfires currently burning in California, Tte Screen Actors Guild dispensed with their usual big nominations announcement and instead sent out a simple press release their morning.

Here are the SAG’s film nominations.  The SAG is a usually pretty good precursor so the folks who were celebrating the victory of the Brutalist on Sunday night have a bit less to celebrate today.  That said, the 2,0000-person nominating committee appear to have really liked The Last Showgirl.  Let’s keep Pamela Anderson’s Oscar hopes alive!

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role
ADRIEN BRODY / László Tóth – “THE BRUTALIST”
TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET / Bob Dylan – “A COMPLETE UNKNOWN”
DANIEL CRAIG / William Lee – “QUEER”
COLMAN DOMINGO / Divine G – “SING SING”
RALPH FIENNES / Lawrence – “CONCLAVE”

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role
PAMELA ANDERSON / Shelly – “THE LAST SHOWGIRL”
CYNTHIA ERIVO / Elphaba – “WICKED”
KARLA SOFÍA GASCÓN / Emilia/Manitas – “EMILIA PÉREZ”
MIKEY MADISON / Ani – “ANORA”
DEMI MOORE / Elisabeth – “THE SUBSTANCE”

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
JONATHAN BAILEY / Fiyero – “WICKED”
YURA BORISOV / Igor – “ANORA”
KIERAN CULKIN / Benji Kaplan – “A REAL PAIN”
EDWARD NORTON / Pete Seeger – “A COMPLETE UNKNOWN”
JEREMY STRONG / Roy Cohn – “THE APPRENTICE”

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
MONICA BARBARO / Joan Baez – “A COMPLETE UNKNOWN”
JAMIE LEE CURTIS / Annette – “THE LAST SHOWGIRL”
DANIELLE DEADWYLER / Berniece – “THE PIANO LESSON”
ARIANA GRANDE / Galinda/Glinda – “WICKED”
ZOE SALDAÑA / Rita – “EMILIA PÉREZ”

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture
A COMPLETE UNKNOWN
MONICA BARBARO / Joan Baez
NORBERT LEO BUTZ / Alan Lomax
TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET / Bob Dylan
ELLE FANNING / Sylvie Russo
DAN FOGLER / Albert Grossman
WILL HARRISON / Bobby Neuwirth
ERIKO HATSUNE / Toshi Seeger
BOYD HOLBROOK / Johnny Cash
SCOOT MCNAIRY / Woody Guthrie
BIG BILL MORGANFIELD / Jesse Moffette
EDWARD NORTON / Pete Seeger

ANORA
YURA BORISOV / Igor
MARK EYDELSHTEYN / Ivan
KARREN KARAGULIAN / Toros
MIKEY MADISON / Ani
ALEKSEY SEREBRYAKOV / Nikolai Zakharov
VACHE TOVMASYAN / Garnick

CONCLAVE
SERGIO CASTELLITTO / Tedesco
RALPH FIENNES / Lawrence
JOHN LITHGOW / Tremblay
LUCIAN MSAMATI / Adeyemi
ISABELLA ROSSELLINI / Sister Agnes
STANLEY TUCCI / Bellini

EMILIA PÉREZ
KARLA SOFÍA GASCÓN / Emilia/Manitas
SELENA GOMEZ / Jessi
ADRIANA PAZ / Epifania
ZOE SALDAÑA / Rita

WICKED
JONATHAN BAILEY / Fiyero
MARISSA BODE / Nessarose
PETER DINKLAGE / Dr. Dillamond
CYNTHIA ERIVO / Elphaba
JEFF GOLDBLUM / The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
ARIANA GRANDE / Galinda/Glinda
ETHAN SLATER / Boq
BOWEN YANG / Pfannee
MICHELLE YEOH / Madame Morrible

Outstanding Action Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture
DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE
DUNE: PART TWO
THE FALL GUY
GLADIATOR II
WICKED

Scenes I Love: The End Credits of Predator


 

Predator (1987, directed by John McTiernan, DP: Donald McAlpine)

Look at how happy everyone is!  Well, everyone except for Dutch.  I don’t blame Dutch for not smiling.  He had to deal with a lot in 1987’s Predator.  Still, today’s scene that I love encourages us all to stay upbeat, even when we’re being stalked through the jungle by a fearsome extraterrestrial hunter.

If the crew of the Nostromo had smiled more, Alien would have ended on a much happier note.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special John McTiernan Edition


Today is John McTiernan’s birthday!  Obviously, McTiernan’s career has had its ups and downs but he’s still responsible for directing some of the best action films ever made.

4 Shots From 4 John McTiernan Films

Predator (1987, directed by John McTiernan, DP: Donald McAlpine)

Die Hard (1988, directed by John McTiernan, DP: Jan de Bont)

The Hunt for Red October (1990, directed by John McTiernan, DP: Jan de Bont)

The Last Action Hero (1993, directed by John McTiernan, DP: Dean Semler)

It’s Elvis Presley’s Birthday!


Since today is Elvis Presley’s birthday, I’m going to share this photograph that my grandfather took in 1958, of Elvis reporting for his induction into the army.  As far as I know, this picture has never been published anywhere other than on this site and my own personal blog.

Photograph by Raymond Ellis, taken on March 24th, 1958 at Fort Chafee, Arkansas

Film Review: Wild 90 (dir by Norman Mailer)


Produced, directed, financed by, and starring writer Norman Mailer, 1968’s Wild 90 is incomprehensibly bad.  Words escape me when it comes to describing just how boring and pointless this film.

Over the course of four nights, Mailer and two of his friends were filmed in a shabby apartment.  Norman Mailer played The Prince, a gangster who talks tough and is constantly doing stuff like punching the room’s only hanging lightbulb.  Buzz Farber and Mickey Knox played Cameo and Twenty Years, the Prince’s partners in crime.  Acclaimed documentarian D.A. Pennebaker served as cinematographer, using a hand-held camera to capture the three men as they drank, laughed, fought, and pretended to be gangsters.

The plot of the film is not easy to describe, both because the entire film was improvised and also because the soundtrack is so muddy that it’s often impossible to understand what anyone’s saying.  As far as I can tell, the Prince’s latest criminal scheme has gone south and the Prince and his two cronies are hiding out in the apartment until the heat dies down.  They don’t have much to do, other than drink and exchange profane dialogue.  (The three men do their best to sound like real-life, poetically crude gangsters.  It’s hard to judge how well they do any of that because the dialogue is often incomprehensible.)  Some people drop by the apartment.  Normally, that would liven things up but in this one, everyone just seems like they want to leave before Norman Mailer accidentally punches them.  One man comes in a with a dog that start barking.  Mailer barks back until the dog falls silent.

Making all of this interesting is the fact that, in the 1960s, Norman Mailer was one of America’s leading public intellectuals.  Today, living in the age of influencers, it can be easy to forget that there were once public intellectuals, like Mailer, William F. Buckley, Gore Vidal, John Kenneth Galbraith, and Tom Wolfe, who disagreements were followed by the public and who made headlines when they showed up drunk on the daytime talk shows.  Mailer was an acclaimed and often controversial writer, one who was as famous for his arrogance and his public feuds as for his novels and essays. Mailer was a New York fixture and a Pulitzer Prize winner  He was one of the first writers to suggest that the Left and the Right could be united by a shared belief in individual freedom.  A year after the release of Wild 90, Mailer ran an ill-fated campaign for mayor of New York City.  His slogan was “No more bullshit!” and his campaign, which attracted some attention early on, was ultimately sabotaged by his habit of showing up drunk to his rallies and insulting his supporters.

What he was not was a very good filmmaker.  Wild 90 was Mailer’s first film and it’s a nearly unwatchable disaster.  (At least his later film, Maidstone, had Rip Torn around to liven things up.)  With its low-budget, black-and-white look and it’s DIY aesthetic, Wild 90 may remind some of the Andy Warhol’s Factory films but Warhol (or, if we’re to be absolutely honest, Paul Morrissey) was at least trying to be subversive.  Wild 90, on the other hand, is pure self-indulgence, a chance for Mailer to say, “Look how funny I am!”  Farbar and Knox at least manage to give semi-believable performances.  Mailer continually looks straight at the camera and seems to panic whenever either of his co-stars start to take the attention off of him.  The entire film seems to be Mailer’s attempt to convince everyone that he really was a tough guy.

There is one moment of the film that does work.  The film opens with some gorgeously shabby images of lower Manhattan. Norman Mailer was a proud New Yorker so it’s appropriate that the best part of the film is the part that highlights the city he loved.