Huh? Ok, this was….terrible. I can’t put my finger on what part of this was more terrible: the acting, story, or visuals? Well, it’s all craptastic. Why don’t they think of me before they film something so stupid? He must know that someone will have to review this garbage trash and it will probably be me.
Alex Magana is a hit or miss filmmaker and WOW does he use the shotgun over pistol technique. It’s like a firehose of content spraying all over your face- sometimes the water gets into your mouth, refreshing your artistic interest, but other times, it powerfully shoots out an eyeball and you hope for death. His films are like that.
Luckily, Magana’s films are rarely over four-minutes; so, your misery is brief like when a dentist has a good grip with her pliers and yanks out that infected tooth of yours. Yeah, there’s pus and a brackish fluid flowing from your gum socket that used to house your back molar and you can’t help but taste the brackish fluid and later when they debride the rotten gum tissue and there’s a smell of rotting bacon, you know that it’s over. Magana’s films are like that: sometimes it’s like getting a cleaning from the flirty hygienist and other times, it’s all about the rotting bacon gums.
Thirsty was a rotting bacon gums experience, but if you’re into that- Watch below.
I wanted to include some picture or poster for this, but I can’t because nothing exists. Leave it to me to enjoy something that no one else does. I thoroughly enjoyed this film. Apparently, it came out in 2020 and no one liked it. Well, that all changed today because I liked it and that’s what matters!
A woman finds out that she’s missing. This film is two minutes of your life and it’s a fun two minutes. I recommend you take a pause and enjoy it!
A woman takes a selfie at home and there is a man/figure behind her who she can only see in her phone. Twist: he’s a reverse vampire… sort of. I’m not sure. This is a great example of a great short. It’s cheap, quick, and scary. I was unnerved and jumped a bit. There were only 3 words of dialogue; so, it was all showing not telling, which is good because they are German and I don’t speak the language.
This is the fear of the invasion of your personal safe space. It’s part of us because if we don’t have it, we’d die.
I know many of you wonderful readers must think that I’m rooting for failure. I really want artists to do a good job and not be terrible. The short film is the farm team for many writers, directors, and actors. It forces you to have a clear idea, vibrant characters, be economical with your dialogue, and how to show not tell. This short was 8 minutes and change and it was awesome for the first four minutes. Then…..
The film has a great hook: without any dialogue, we see that the MC is a Twitter troll. He gets a knock at the door. She’s a pilgrim at the door and he proceeds to creep on her in at least three ways. This is a good setup. Then, a witch hunter from the past appears at the creep’s door with an arrest warrant. I’m getting a great twilight zone feel.
The artist shifts gears with a twist that it’s two of his Internet victims in Party City outfits who want to hang him. Then, they hang him. This is so anti-climatic. I get that he murdered their reputations so they murder him IRL. I could see this happening. If someone is recording someone to make them infamous, I could see someone thinking- well I might as well kill this guy. We always work under the assumption that people will play by the rules. This is a stupid way to be because we have obvious examples that it’s not true i.e. Road Rage.
The reveal didn’t pop the narrative suspense balloon with a bang, it deflated it … slowly and sadly. It was more fun for the pilgrims to be ghosts summoned for revenge than two people with a grudge who would be easily caught. Maybe….Maybe, it could have worked if it were clearer through a scene or two what this man had done that warranted his murder. The heroine did mumble something about what he did, but it was rushed exposition. It did not feel justified.
The writer grasped the idea that a payoff is critical in a story and especially a short, but to have a payoff – you need a pay-in. We did get the idea that the MC was a jerk, BUT hanging a man on his porch and seeing his asphyxiated face was not earned. Revenge stories are great, but the target has to be more than a jerk. We need to be clear with a slow burn that this man had harmed the killers so greatly that we agree with them that this guy needed killing. It felt unfair, not disturbing. It felt awkward and disappointing.
It’s a shame because the writer has some talent, but not enough.
Matt Sears only creates shorts, therefore, I am primed to like this creator. The Sky takes the Alien invasion/destruction genre and compresses it to two ordinary friends who are going to watch it end. The short brushed up a little too close to the Cardinal Sin of making a pitch masquerading as a short. I do give him a pass on this because it did deliver on the apocalypse.
Ellie and Victoria are old friends who are salt of the earth archetypes. Ellie has a string of boyfriends and is on the outs with her mom. Victoria doesn’t want to die alone. They decide to drink the British version of Two Buck Chuck, do shrooms, and watch it all end. Ellie’s mom tries to reconnect with her for the final moments, but she is on a pier somewhere not nearby. It is revealed that somehow Victoria contrived to prevent Ellie from spending the end of the world with her instead of having a reconciliation during this lovely Gotterdammerung.
Ellie leaves Victoria to die alone as she is hallucinating on shrooms. We are not sure whether or not she actually sees her mother, but we do see them both die. This film was made during COVID; so, it has an out with a whimper feel to it. I have not seen Matt Sears’ other shorts, but this is a Stephen King style story-telling- regular people who have to live with a monster in the basement- i.e. it’s never about the monster, it’s about how ordinary people live with a monster.
It reminds me of the song Veronica. It’s not about the Alzheimer’s; no, it’s about how loved she was that a man left everything to help the love of his life- die. Here, there’s no hope, but humanity continues. So yes, I approve.
There are times when a writer/director knows that he has made something pretty bad. I had to write in “FWD” above because the writer/director didn’t bother to make a poster of any kind. I’d probably hide my involvement.
The story has an email chain letter that was common in 1999 and the main character did not forward it; so, she’s been marked for death. I did like the touches of the antiquated email and the large monitor to tell me – this is from simpler times and this film was done by someone who is creatively simple.
It was a painful ripoff of Scream and I did not like that. I remember Scream when I was a youth and just because you found an old monitor doesn’t mean that you can build a short around it. The actresses’ talents here were wasted.
Sometimes people create when they should just binge Netflix and leave the rest of us Normals alone. I encourage you to watch this terrible short because we all know what you did to deserve it.
I do love a good short film. I love a good comedy horror and loathe the ones that are terrible like this garbage trash “Origin” that I reviewed last year: https://unobtainium13.com/2021/10/06/origin-film-review-by-case-wright/ I’m not saying that the person who unleashed “Origin” or any terrible Short Film should be imprisoned forever, but I’m not saying that they shouldn’t either- Listen, I’ll back your play.
Waffle was ….. not bad. There were some stunners last year. I mean true artworks and please if you have the ability to hire these actors, writers, and directors – please call them. I’ll spot your month’s IMDB Pro dues if you do. *winks with sexy Italian eyebrows, makes click sound – Sup?*
Kate Marovitch and Kerry Barker created Waffle and they hit a number of good points. It’s a self-contained story. They were on a budget, but made the film look awfully slick. There’s a clear plot and narrative thread. I put this short-film in the good category, which I don’t give out lightly. Shorts are a unique storytelling artform- Every word matters and every second matters. I wouldn’t mind seeing another one of their shorts; however, I’d like to see what they could create for a series.
The short takes our phone induced isolation to another level. In this world, you rent friendship and love with a finger swipe, but Katie uses the evil Tinder to find her victims. Yes, this plot is straight-forward, but it had some funny lines and a heart. They are tapping into the interpersonal relationship version of there are “ten-thousand channels and nothing’s on.”
I don’t want to spoil the ending and would recommend this ten-minutes for you. Yes, you!
What if you are living your best life, but it’s horrible?
Depression, Anxiety, and Mental Illness are as common as Brown Eyes, but treated like mystical forces. It wasn’t even until the 1970s that we commonly used the term “Depressed”. Today, we have not acknowledged as a species that the Brain is just another organ. The brain is a miraculous organ, but an organ nonetheless. We are fine with treating a pancreas with insulin, but anti-depressants are still referred to by many as “Happy Pills”, implying recreation; or worse, there use is akin to marijuana or alcohol consumption.
“Gone” was written by Joshua Epstein, Mike Higgins, and Dan Nigro when they were 34. It was featured in films, gained popularity, and yet Joshua remained anxious and sad. Why? It was because Joshua didn’t know that he had clinical Anxiety. The upbeat tempo of the song like his upbeat life and success belied the danger and depression expressed in the lyrics. He was wasn’t diagnosed with Anxiety until after “Gone” was a hit. By danger, I mean suicide. Suicide takes out middle-aged men like a scythe. I have lost friends to it. I’m not writing that ”Gone” was a suicide note, but the lyrics point to it as true a laser sight.
Just as Joshua didn’t know he had anxiety, it was equally likely that he didn’t know that he was writing about suicide. However, I argue that his subconscious must have. The suicide theme has gone unnoticed because the tempo and melody is upbeat. This is similar to the “MASH” theme – “Suicide is Painless”, which used the exact same means to cover up the song’s inherent darkness. Although I believe the “MASH” producers intentionally covered up the theme song’s darkness and JR JR did not.
I will analyze the lyrics and post the video, allowing you to decide if you believe that I am correct.
I’ve made up my mind over and over
Here Joshua is expressing that he doesn’t understand what he’s meant to do. Do I become I dentist like my dad? Do I stay in music? Build canoes in Oregon?These are all dead ends. He’s passionate and smart; so, he might he even be successful at these re-invented Joshua’s, but he’s still wanting.
Keep pressing rewind but I’m getting older Tried every door, don’t know who I’m looking for
Joshua is in middle-age now and he still has no clear path forward.
And I’ve made up my mind over and over
I can’t be everything you want me to be I can’t be everything you want me to be
Frustrated, like many middle-aged men. He decides to give up. He’s going to end it. Finally, I can see the light through the leaves
As he is dying, he looks up from the ground and sees “the light through the trees”. In his last moments, he figures out his path, but he won’t be able to “hit rewind” because his decision is a final one. But it’s all gone But it’s all gone
“But it’s all gone” is referring himself being all gone. No more present or future.
What comes from the ground now is returning
“What comes from the ground now is returning” is a reference to Man coming from the ground as clay and now he’s returning- Dust to Dust. It’s all the same sound and my ears are burning
He states “my ears are burning”because people are talking about him; they’re worried. In some strange home, don’t know who I’m working for
Now, he’s losing consciousness that’s the “strange home” and because this act is final he doesn’t “know who [he’s] working for because all self-determination and advice is now irrelevant- forever.The final chorus refrain reinforces him drifting into the abyss. I’ve made up my mind over and over
I can’t be everything you want me to be I can’t be everything you want me to be Finally, I can see the light through the leaves But it’s all gone But it’s all gone
Over and over, over and over Over and over, over and over
I can’t be everything you want me to be I can’t be everything you want me to be Finally, I can see the light through the leaves But it’s all gone But it’s all gone But it’s all gone
The brain is an organ, but unlike the heart, the brain can call out for help through nightmares, outbursts, reckless behavior, or like this artist’s brain – it used art.
I could be wrong, but I do not believe that I am. If this song or my analysis strikes a chord with you, I implore you to talk to someone ASAP.
Someone has to review this and I guess I drew the short-straw….again. Short horror is likely the mostly challenging short because you have to elicit two feelings: Concern and Fear. The problem is that if you don’t care about the actors, you can’t feel the fear because you can’t identify with them. Their demise is as important to you as whether or not you should do light or heavy starch.
Poor poor What’s Her Face house-sits for her father and takes a bunch of stupid pills. Not that she’s using drugs, but I’m assuming stupid pills were taken because What’s Her Face does A LOT of stupid things. A creep tries to get access to her apartment building, she refuses. He gets in any way and threatens her. A normal person would at least try to call the police or her Dad. She does, however, take out the garbage when she knows a psycho is out and about, and this act of stupidity gives him access to her father’s flat and the psycho kills her. That’s it.
I don’t mind if something is gratuitous, but please don’t make it boring. It did allow me some time proof my bread; so, I suppose the film did do that.
Some shorts are just garbage trash. Some lack a coherent structure. This particular short tried to be clever, but ended as kinda dumb. I don’t mind things being stupid. Many of the nicest people in my life aren’t geniuses. In fact, a nice dumb friend is waaaay better than a smart mean one. This short was like a dumb/lazy friend. It felt like a couple of randos got a camcorder and just decided to make a Christmas themed short horror film.
I have watched worse films. At least, this short was done on a small budget; so, I can’t crap on it too much. It does need some crapping upon… for fairness.
Lily has a problem: she sees a monster outside of her window and her Tae Bo training boyfriend doesn’t believe her. Eventually, he sees the monster and it kills him and she starts dating the monster. I guess that it’s like a trial by ordeal. The monster defeated her boyfriend; so, the monster gets to watch old movies with her etc.
We used to elect Presidents the same way. The electoral college was a battle royal with everybody claiming each other’s spouses and electoral college votes. The Iowa caucuses was just full-on cannibal- very Hills have Eyes, but with extra corn. I’m sure that those brave/weird souls of yesteryear would’ve understood this short film and would have been immensely entertained. I am not and was not, but they did make an ok home movie.
Through the Shattered Lens 