Category Archives: TV Review

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.21 “Scott’s Secret Dream”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, I continue I wonder why I ever started reviewing this show in the first place.

Episode 1.21 “Scott’s Secret Dream”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 18th, 1999)

This week’s episode of this terrible show revolves around the local television news.  Everyone is looking for a job.

Traycee, for instance, gets a job as the weather girl and spends her time saying that she doesn’t want it to rain in Malibu so she’s decided that it will be sunny instead.  The judgmental and humorless station intern is not amused by any of this.  Anyone who has watched this show should have little trouble guessing that the intern is Stads.

(It’s kind of sad how, in just a few episodes, Stads went from being the fun, kooky lifeguard to being a hyperjudgmental killjoy.)

Jason is excited because the station is sponsoring a jingle contest.  He wants to be a professional songwriter so maybe this could be his chance!  Jason does manage to win the contest but he spends so much time working on the jingle that he keeps his brother, Scott, from getting so much-needed sleep.

Scott has a secret dream.  He wants to be the station’s sports reporter.  (How about finishing high school first, Scott?)  Even Stads thinks that Scott would be a good sports reporter.  Unfortunately, Scott shows up for his audition exhausted and blows his big chance.  The station hires someone over the age of 17 to be the sports reporter.

Fortunately, for Scott, the newly hired sports reporter turns out to be a sexist pig and he’s fired after he follows Jason’s advice and hits on the station manager.  (Why is anyone following Jason’s advice about anything?)  So, Scott gets another chance to audition but this time, he drinks too much coffee and ends up jumping on the news desk and dancing.

(Because, y’know, that’s something you totally do if you drink a lot of coffee.)

Can Jason and Stads get Scott a third audition?  Yes, they can but the way they do it is so stupid that I don’t even want to talk about it.  The important thing is that Scott gets the weekend sports job and …. well, I guess he’ll just work as a busboy at the restaurant for the rest of the week.

(I’m starting to think this show isn’t very realistic.)

Meanwhile, Peter is upset because he’s single and he’s taking out his frustration on Murray.  So, Murray sends Peter a note from a secret admirer and …. you know what?  This is too stupid to talk about.  Brandon Brooks, as always, deserves some credit for bringing a touch of genuine sweetness to Murray’s odd behavior but …. no, no, I’m not going to talk about it.  This whole subplot was just too stupid.  Brandon Brooks and Ed Blatchford were probably the closest thing this show had to genuinely talented actors but the show always wasted them in the dumbest B-plots.

When I first started reviewing this show, I disliked both Scott and Jason equally.  As this season has progressed, Scott has grown on me a little because, unlike his brother, he’s not a total sociopath.  Scott, at the very least, seems to want to be a good person.  Jason, on the other hand, just seems like he’s destined to go to prison for cheating someone out of their life savings.

Thank God, it’s the holidays!  This is my last Malibu, CA review for 2024.  My reviews of this show will return on January 2nd.  Until then, I’m free from the Collins brothers!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 3.2 “Murray’s Monster”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters tries to be funny and it actually succeeds for once!

Episode 3.2 “Murray’s Monster”

(Dir by Scott Alexander, originally aired on October 7th, 1990)

Murray’s Monster opens with Sherwin (Joe Flaherty) laying on a psychologist’s couch and talking about how much he hates his overbearing wife while Debbie (Teresa Gaznel) takes notes.  Debbie suddenly tells Sherwin that they’re out of time because Sherwin has to see his next patient.  Sherwin sits up on the couch and Debbie returns to the reception desk.  It’s an obvious joke but one that is well-played by both Joe Flaherty and Teresa Ganzel.  That’s another way of saying that it made me laugh, even though I saw it coming.

Sherwin’s new patient is Murray (Marvin Kaplan).  Murray is nervous and apologetic.  He even apologizes for coming to his appointment, offering to come back next week if it’s too much of a bother for Sherwin to see him that day.  Murray explains that people have been kicking him around all of his life and he’s sick of it.  Sherwin, after telling Murray that he’s less than a man, puts Murray under hypnosis.  Sherwin tells Murray to be more assertive.  Murray promptly turns into an angry ape-man (Colin Penman).  Ape-Man Murray is angry and destructive but, once he calms down, he turns back into Murray.

Frightened at first, Sherwin soon realizes that he can use Murray to his advantage.  He invites Murray to have dinner with his wife, Luann (Miriam Flynn).  His plan is that Murray will get angry with Luann, turn into an ape, and kill her.  Then Sherwin will be free to pursue Debbie.  Sherwin’s plan works in that Murray does get frustrated and he does turn into the ape.  But, instead of killing Luann, he instead picks her up and runs off with her.

The next day, Sherwin is shocked when Murray and Luann show up at his office.  It turns out that, since Murray was sick of people always telling him what to do, Ape Murray decided to disobey Sherwin’s wishes and has instead fallen in love with Luann.  When Sherwin gets upset and starts yelling, Murray turns into the ape again.  Uh-oh!

(As Luann puts it, “You’re a bad psychologist, Sherwin, because you never listen to your patients!”)

I have to say that I usually cringe whenever Monsters tries to be deliberately funny but this episode actually made me laugh.  Joe Flaherty and Marvin Kaplan both had great comedic timing and, even though I saw the final twist coming, the dialogue was still clever enough and the performances sharp enough to hold my interest.  This was a good episode.  Good for Murray.  Good for Monsters!

With the the holidays approaching, this is my final review of Monsters for 2024.  My Monsters reviews will return on January 1st, 2025!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.10 “Love, Honor and Obey/Gladys and Agnes/Radioactive Isaac”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Isaac has a problem!  Oh no!  Who will man the bar?

Episode 5.10 “Love, Honor and Obey/Gladys and Agnes/Radioactive Isaac”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on November 28th, 1981)

Oh no!  Isaac’s radioactive!

Well, no, not in the way that you might be thinking.  Before leaving on this week’s cruise, Isaac had some dental work done and his new fillings can pick up radio stations.  The only real problem with that is that Isaac likes a passenger named Patty Phelps (Berlinda Tolbert) and Patty likes him, except for when his teeth start playing music.  It leads Patty to suspect that Isaac is just pulling a big prank on her and she doesn’t have any patience for that nonsense.  Especially when there’s another handsome single man on board (played by Darrow Igus) whose teeth do not pick up radio stations.  Is Isaac willing to sacrifice his fillings for love?

Meanwhile, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara play …. well, they might as well  just be playing Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara.  I’ve seen Jerry and Anne on a few of these shows and they always play the same two characters regardless of what their characters may be named.  In this case, Jerry and Anne want to renew their wedding vows on the Love Boat.  Captain Stubing is happy to oblige but Anne decides that she doesn’t want to vow to “obey’ her husband.  Jerry and Anne get into a fight and it looks like the marriage might be over!  However, things work out in the end.  They renew their vows and then Anne starts bossing Jerry around.  It was a pretty simple story but Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara were so likable together that it didnt matter.  I was happy they stayed together.

Finally, Agnes (Audra Lindley) and Gladys (Marion Ross) are two sisters who are taking a cruise together.  Agnes meets and falls for Henry Whitewood (Bernard Fox), who is a genuine English earl!  Gladys doesn’t want to lose Agnes and tells Henry that Agnes doesn’t have much money.  It turns out that Henry doesn’t have a lot of money either.  But he’s willing to sell what little land he does have so that he can refurbish the manor and invite Agnes to be his wife.  Awwww!  And don’t worry about Gladys.  She realizes that the most important thing is that her sister’s happy.

This cruise was a bit on the forgettable side.  After last week’s two-hour extravaganza, this week’s episode was rather low-key and almost mild-mannered.  It was pleasant without being particularly memorable.  I think we’ve all had vacations like that!

Speaking of vacations, the holidays are approaching so this is going to be final Love Boat review of 2024.  My reviews will resume on January 1st!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.22 “A Thousand Words”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, we wrap up Baywatch Nights.

Episode 2.22 “A Thousand Words”

(Dir by Tracy Lynch Britton, originally aired on May 16th, 1997)

After two seasons of gangsters and monsters, Baywatch Nights ends with yet another haunted house story.

Well, technically, it’s actually a haunted restaurant.  Diamont drags Ryan and Mitch to an abandoned restaurant that is said to be haunted.  Accompanying them is a researcher into the paranormal, Sarah (Kathy Tragesar).  Sarah explains that the restaurant has a long history of strange occurrences.  Diamont explains that, recently, two women have been killed and a man left in a coma after entering the restaurant.  Diamont thinks that it’s a poltergeist.  Mitch, as usual, is skeptical.

*sigh*

Seriously, why is Mitch still a skeptic?  I’ve gone into this before but it continues to bother me.  After everything that Mitch had seen and experienced over this season, why does he still refuse to believe in the supernatural?  Even Agent Scully eventually admitted that Mulder had a point.

Anyway, Ryan vanishes and finds herself in another dimension where she’s menaced by the knife-wielding murderer (John Snyder).  The murderer is driven by his relationship with his mother, whose portrait hang around the restaurant and whose painted facial expression changes depending on how determined her son is to kill.  (That was actually a nice touch.)  Mitch puts a call into his old friend (and season one co-star), Garner Ellerbee.  Garner shows up with psychic named Kira (Jazmin Lewis) and soon, Kira is in the other dimension as well….

Long story short, the poltergeist is eventually defeated.  Kira and Ryan come back to our world.  Mitch says that he loves Ryan.  He and Ryan share an embrace and start in on some really passionate kissing.  (Woo hoo!)  The show ends.

The main problem with this episode is that Mitch and Ryan didn’t really get to do that much.  For the most part, Kira did all the work and the episode so focused on her that I wouldn’t be surprised if it was meant to be a sort of backdoor pilot for a proposed series about Kira.  As well, the killer poltergeist is scary when he first appears but he becomes progressively less scary as the episode goes on.  By the end of the episode, he’s just kind of whiny.  As a series finale, this was definitely a bit underwhelming.

That said — hey, Mitch and Ryan kissed!  Seriously, I’ve been waiting for that moment ever since I first started reviewing this show.  No matter what else one might say about Baywatch Nights, David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon had great chemistry together.  I won’t necessarily miss reviewing this show but I will miss seeing the two of them together.

In the end, Baywatch Nights was a pretty uneven show but it was definitely fun.  I think it had potential but I’m going to guess it was doomed by being a part of the Baywatch franchise.  People who didn’t like Baywatch weren’t going to watch a version of the show that took place at night.  People who did like Baywatch were undoubtedly disappointed by the lack of red swimsuits.  The ratings went down.  Judging from the final few episodes, the production budget got seriously cut.  The Hoff and Harmon were fun to watch but their chemistry couldn’t save the show.

Well, that completes Baywatch Nights!  Retro Television Reviews is going on a holiday break but, on January 7th, I will start reviewing a new show in this timeslot!  Until then, happy holidays to all the lifeguards out there.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.21 “The Big Bet/Nancy and the Thunderbirds”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, it’s the last Julie episode.

Episode 5.21 “The Big Bet/Nancy and the Thunderbirds”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on May 1st, 1982)

Because I’ve got a cold and I’ve still got a lot to do for the holidays, I’m only going to do a mini-review for this episode.  It’s not a very good episode so the less time spent talking about it, the better.

  • I knew this episode wasn’t going to be my cup of tea when Julie was the one who greeted Mr. Roarke as he stepped out of his office.  That’s nothing against Wendy Schaal, the actress who played Julie.  It’s just that the episodes in which Julie helps out Roarke are never as good as the Tattoo episodes.  Ricardo Montalban and Wendy Schaal just didn’t have the same type of entertaining chemistry as Montalban and Herve Villechaize.
  • I think a huge part of the problem with Julie is that she is Roarke’s goddaughter and spends a lot of time looking up to him and treating him like a father figure.  Tattoo and Roarke were, more or less, equals and they could relate to each other on a much more honest and, by the standards of the show, realistic fashion.
  • As for the fantasies, neither one is very interesting.
  • Mary Ann Mobley plays Nancy Carsons, who was adopted and raised by an Indian chief.  Nancy]s fantasy is to fulfil the Chief’s prophecy and conquer a thunderbird.  Apparently, only by doing this can Nancy prevent the tribe from falling apart when the Chief dies.  The problem is that the thunderbird is a mythological bird who does not exactly exist.
  • However, there is a squadron of airplanes known as the Thunderbirds and they’re visiting Fantasy Island.  Can Nancy, who is a licensed pilot, fly one of those plans and kind of make the prophecy come true?
  • Of course, she does!  And she also falls in love with Major Wood (Patrick Wayne) so, not only is the Tribe saved but Nancy will now be doing even more flying.
  • If the Thunderbirds fantasy was just kind of bland, the “Big Bet” fantasy is downright offensive, with Corky Daniels (John James) making a bet with his co-workers that he can have sex with Playpen model, Judy Moreau (Lydia Cornell).  Judy just happens to be on the Island, accompanied by Playpen published Hugh Hefner Al Henshaw (Edd Byrnes).
  • Corky tells Judy a lot of lies to get her to fall for him.  When Judy finds out about the bet, she’s so upset that she …. sleeps with Corky anyways.  But then Corky doesn’t tell his friends about sleeping with Judy and loses the bet which proves to Judy that he really does love her.
  • Now, let’s give credit where credit it due.  Both Roarke and Julie tell Corky that he’s being a sexist pig.  I always like it when Roarke gets offended with his guest’s because Montalban always seemed to enjoy playing up Roarke’s anger.  Mr. Roarke comes across as being the perfect host but you don’t want to get him mad.
  • Corky and Judy leave the Island together.  Judy should have tossed Corky in the lagoon.

We’ve got one episode left in season 5.  I checked and it’s a Tattoo episode, which means this week’s episode was Julie’s grand finale.  Unfortunately, it’s not really much of a finale.  Julie’s sudden presence on the Island was never really adequately explained, though it was kind of nice to be reminded that there’s always a lot taking place on the Island and Roarke doesn’t always have time to oversee every little thing.  I suppose Roarke probably has many assistants who we rarely see.

Because of the holidays, this is my final Fantasy Island review of 2024.  I will resume reviewing Fantasy Island on January 7th!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.1 and 3.2 “Roller Disco”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, season three begins with a classic episode!

Episode 3.1 and 3.2 “Roller Disco”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on September 22nd, 1979)

It’s the roller disco episode!

From the moment that I first announced that I would be watching and reviewing CHiPs for this feature, people have been telling me about the legendary roller disco episode.  Having finally reached it, I can say that it lived up to the hype.  You’re not likely to see anything more 70s than the third season premiere of CHiPs.

Now, this was a two-hour episode so there were actually quite a few subplot going on, all of which were typical CHiPs storylines.  In no particular order:

  1. A kid named Mark (Bobby Rolofson) is roller skating around the beach and idolizing three criminals.  Can Baker show him that the good guys always win?
  2. The three criminals are Lita (Helena Kallianiotes), Ty (Fred Williamson), and Romo (Jim Brown).  Lita sets up the targets.  Ty and Romo steal their purses and their wallets and then escape on roller skates.  Ty and Romo are tired of breaking the law.  Lita demands that they continue to steal.  Eventually, it falls to Baker and Ponch to arrest them.
  3. Carlin (Larry Linville) and Franco (Larry Storch) continually cause accidents on the highway.
  4. Rock star Jimmy Tyler (Leif Garrett) is so tired that he sleeps through one of those accidents.  Looking to break free from his well-meaning but overbearing manager (Bill Daily), Jimmy decides to manage his own affairs while staying at Jon Baker’s apartment.

There’s a lot going on but the main plotline is Ponch trying to find celebrities to take part in the annual highway patrol fund raiser.  Even with his big smile, Ponch struggles to charm the celebs.  He pulls over Ed McMahon at one point but fails to recognize him until McMahon drives off.  Gatraer tells Ponch that police work comes first but also tells him that he has to find celebrities.  Gatraer’s been giving Ponch a hard time ever since the first season.  Some things never change.

Fortunately, Jimmy feels guilty for overstaying his welcome at Baker’s apartment and he makes it up to Baker and Ponch by asking his celebrity friends to take part in the fund raiser.  It’s time for a roller disco with the stars!

It all leads to this classic scene:

I recognized a few of the stars, though certainly not all of them.  I recognized Victor French because I’ve been reviewing Highway to Heaven.  I’ve also seen enough old sitcoms that I immediately recognized Robert Mandan, who was apparently the best roller skater in Hollywood.  Melissa Sue Anderson, I knew from Happy Birthday To Me.  Cindy Williams, who got two shout-outs, I knew from American Graffiti.  Is it just me or did Nancy Kulp look kind of lost?  Neither Melissa Sue Anderson nor Cindy Williams seemed to want to talk to her.

The roller disco actually goes on for fifteen minutes, which I appreciated.  The show promised a roller disco and it delivered.  It was like stepping into a time machine and traveling to the 70s.  It was a great way to start season three!

Because of the holidays, this is going to be my final CHiPs review of 2024.  My reviews of this show will return on January 6th!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.11 “Forgive Us Our Debts”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week’s episode took me by surprise!

Episode 3.11 “Forgive Us Our Debts”

(Dir by Jan Eliasberg, originally aired on December 12th, 1986)

Frank Hackman (Guy Boyd) has a date with Florida’s electric chair.  Even though he claims that he’s innocent of killing one of Sonny Crockett’s former partners, Hackman says that he’s guilty of killing others and, having become a Christian while on Death Row, he is prepared to pay the ultimate price.  He even suggests that his execution should be televised.

At first, Sonny is all for Hackman being executed.  But then, a priest calls the Vice Squad and tells them that one of his parishioners confessed to having evidence that could prove that Hackman was actually in Vegas when the murder occurred.  Sonny and the Squad track down Gus Albierro (Val Bisoglio), an auto mechanic who is dying of cancer and who says that he’s telling the truth to clear his conscience.   Not long after Gus talks to Crockett, Gus is executed in his garage.

Convinced that Hackman is innocent, Sonny and Tubbs have one day to find the other person who was with Gus and Hackman in Vegas.  That man turns out to be in the witness protection agency and, at first, he refuses to talk.  Then Crockett takes him outside and beats him up.

Long story short: After having had his head shaved for his date with the electric chair, Hackman’s life is saved and he leaves prison a free man….

Now, up until this point, I felt that this episode was just another rather heavy-handed diatribe against the death penalty.  Miami Vice, as a show, always leaned towards the Left and this episode features two smarmy Florida politicians who are eager to prove how tough they are on crime.  I thought the whole episode was a bit too obvious in its storytelling and I thought my review would focus on the hypocrisy of Miami Vice criticizing the death penalty when almost every episode has ended with the bad guys being taken down in a hail of bullets.

(On a personal note, I’m against the death penalty because I think there is too much of a risk of an innocent person being executed.  But, still, I’m not a fan of heavy-handed storytelling, regardless of whether I agree with the larger point or not.)

But this episode had one final twist waiting up its sleeve.  Hackman steps out of prison and sees Sonny waiting for him.  Sonny is feeling pretty proud of himself.  He saved an innocent man, right?  Wrong!  Hackman proceeds to tell Sonny that he actually did kill Sonny’s former partner and that Gus lied in return for Hackman’s friends sending money to his family.  That guy in witness protection who, at first, refused to testify?  He was working with Hackman, too.

“I won’t need this anymore,” Hackman says, yanking off the cross that was hanging out around his neck.

And that’s how the episode ends!  The bad guys triumph and it’s pretty much all Sonny’s fault!  This was the most cynical episode of Miami Vice yet.  The ending totally took me by surprise and it made me realize that, rather than being a heavy-handed and polemical, this episode was actually extremely clever and perfectly put together.  Just as Hackman fooled Sonny, Miami Vice fooled the viewer (in this case, me).  This turned out to be an excellent episode and certainly the best of season 3 so far.

Because of the holidays, this is my last Miami Vice review of 2024.  My reviews of Miami Vice will resume on January 6th, 2025!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 1.4 “Dream On”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

Love is in the air …. for some.

Episode 1.4 “Dream On”

(Dir by John Bertram, originally aired on November 20th, 1989)

I hate bullies.

Sadly, bullies are a part of life and they have been since the start of recorded history.  I imagine that even cavemen had their own versions of bullies and nerds.  Bullies deal with their own insecurities by picking on outsiders.  Most people hate bullies but they keep quiet when they see bullying because the unspoken threat is that, if they speak up, they could be the next one to be targeted.  That’s especially true in high school.

Degrassi High has its own set of bullies.  The episode features Tabi (Michele Johnson-Murray), who has decided to spend all of her time standing in front of the ninth grade lockers and refusing to allow the niners to use them.  When Kathleen and Melanie walk by Tabi, Tabi sprays her hairspray in Melanie’s eyes.  That’s not just rude but it’s also potentially dangerous.  Kathleen is usually not a particularly likable character but, when she finally stood up to Tabi at the end of this episode and yelled at her to get away from the lockers, I wanted to cheer.  Kathleen stands up to Tabi and a stunned Tabi walks away, saying something about niners being crazy but surrendering nonetheless.  Yay, Kathleen!

Where did Kathleen find the confidence to stand up to Tabi?  In this episode, she finally gets a boyfriend!  Scott Smith (Byrd Dickens) is an 11th grader with a really ugly mustache.  Looking at Scott, one can automatically smell the beer and see a future in which he spends all of time getting drunk at hockey games.  That said, he seems to like Kathleen and he encourages her to try out for the school play.  He even escorts her across the quad, which Tabi and her friend Dwayne previously declared to be off-limits for anyone in the ninth grade.  Kathleen has a boyfriend and there’s no way this could go wrong, right?  I mean, it’s not as if the Degrassi franchise has a long history of episodes in which insecure girls end up with older boyfriends who turn out to be abusive, right?

Meanwhile, Arthur has a crush on Caitlin and he’s overjoyed when he overhears Caitlin talking about how she’s getting tired of dating Joey, who is insensitive and only cares about his “dumb band.”  However, it turns out that Caitlin is not interested in Arthur.  Instead, she likes Claude, who has a goat-tee and is massively concerned about the environment.  Claude (pronounced “Klohd” because he’s either really pretentious or he’s from Quebec and maybe both) invites Caitlin to a French movie.

“Do you know Jean-Luc Godard?” Claude asks.

“No, does he go here?” Caitlin replies.

It’s okay.  When I was fourteen, I didn’t know who Jean-Luc Godard was either.  That said, I am old enough now to know that Godard’s post-70s films were not exactly date material.  Maybe Claude is asking her to a showing of Breathless.  Still, I think Claude should have waited for a Truffaut and a Lelouch film to come to town.

My point is that Claude is kind of a douchebag.  It’s obvious to everyone but Caitlin but sometimes, relationships are like that.  That’s especially true when there’s an age and educational difference.  I can understand Caitlin liking Claude, even if Claude seems pretty annoying to everyone else.  But I can’t see this relationship ending well.

Oh well — at least Joey has time to work on the band!  We all know from watching Degrassi: The Next Generation that Joey’s future lies in selling cars, not playing the keyboards.

And don’t worry about Arthur.  He may get his heart-broken in this episode but the actor apparently had a growth spurt between Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High and he now basically towers over everyone in the cast.  No one is ever going to bully Arthur again.

Next week, the drama continues!

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 1.9 “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, season one comes to a close.

Episode 1.9 “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”

(Dir by Wayne Ewing, originally aired on March 24th, 1993)

It’s another day in Baltimore.

While the rain falls and the cold wind blows, Detectives Howard and Felton investigate another murder and, for once, it’s Detective Howard who is getting distracted and irritable.  Felton lights a cigarette.  The witnesses all light cigarettes.  The uniformed cops light cigarettes.  The medical examiner looks over a body and lights a cigarette.  Howard bites into a celery stick.  To his horror, Felton realizes that Howard is trying to quite smoking and, therefore, she is going to be Hell to work with until she eventually gives up.  Howard swears that she’s not going to give up,  She’s dating State’s Attorney Ed Danvers and he’s not a huge fan of smoking.  Howard later assures Pembleton that sex with Danvers is so mind-blowing that it’s worth giving up cigarettes.

Bayliss is trying to give up cigarettes as well.  He’s doing it for his health.  (Sorry, Danvers!)  His attempt to go smoke-free lasts for a day or two.  He gives in while on a stake-out with Howard, Pembleton, and Felton.  Bayliss is so desperate to bum a cigarette that detectives nearly miss capturing their suspect.

Meanwhile, Lt. Giardello is shocked to discover that the upper flood of the building, the floor right above his department, has been closed for asbestos removal.  No one bothered to tell the detectives that they were working in a toxic environment.  Actually, with all the cigarette smoke, I doubt they would have noticed.  As always, Yaphet Kotto’s performance was one of the highlights of this episode.  Both his outrage over the asbestos and his joy about having found something to hold over the head of Captain Barnfather were wonderful to watch.

Finally, Munch and Bolander investigate the death of a 14 year-old boy who was beaten to death as a part of a gang initiation.  Fortunately, the members of the gang are not very smart.  One suspect confesses all that he knows after Munch and Bolander hook him up to what they claim is an atomic-powered lie detector that causes sterility.  (It’s actually the xerox machine.)  The head of the gang turns out to be a snot-nosed, middle class kid who says that the murder was an act of kindness.  A disgusted Bolander ends the episode, sitting in a bar and talking about how American society destroyed Elvis.  The bartender is played by a bemused John Waters.

This episode was originally meant to be the final episode of season one.  NBC, not wanting to end the first season on such a downbeat note, instead decided that Night of the Dead Living should be the finale, despite the fact that moving the episodes around caused all sorts of continuity problems.  For the purpose of the site, I’m reviewing the episodes in the order that they were meant to be shown.  So, for us, this is indeed the season finale.

And what a dark way to end the season!  But it also feels like the right way to end season one.  In its first season, Homicide was not an optimistic series.  The murder of Adena Watson went unsolved.  Bolander is alone and still pining for his ex-wife.  No matter how many murders are solved, there’s always another one right around the corner.  The first season of Homicide would have been downright depressing if not for the sense of humor of the detectives.  It was gallows humor, of course.  But it was very much needed.

Season one featured some great episodes (Three Men and Adena, the pilot, Night of the Dead Living) but it faltered towards the end.  Bolander’s relationship with Carol was never as interesting as the show’s writers seemed to think and the whole plotline with Chris Thormann getting shot went for an at least one episode more than necessary.  But still, the first season was challenging and frequently compelling.  It was also very low-rated.  Homicide came close to being canceled after the first 9 episodes.  When it did return for a second season, it was only given four episodes in which to prove itself.

We’ll start looking at those four episodes next week.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.22 “Put Your Best Face Forward”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season two of this show finally comes to an end.

Episode 2.22 “Put Your Best Face Forward”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on March 22nd, 1987)

The second season of Check It Out! ends by revealing a little bit more about the origin story of Howard Bannister.

Howard’s stint at hotel management school has been mentioned several times throughout the series.  In this episode, he is upset because his reunion is coming up and he’s the only members of his graduating class to have not made a success of himself.  One of his classmates owns several motels.  Another manages a popular bed and breakfast.  Lester Pinkus (Alan Jordan) has had the most success of all.  He is the manager of a 5-star luxury hotel.  Meanwhile, Howard is just the manager of a small grocery store in Canada.

Howard explains to Edna that he was always at the top of his class but somehow, he flunked the final exam.  Lester, who was previously always at the bottom of the class, got the highest score on his final and received a great job right out of school.  With the reunion coming up, Howard is feeling inadequate.  When he sees that Lester still looks young and happy, Howard decides to take Lester’s advice and get a facelift.

Or, at least, that’s Howard’s plan until he actually meets the doctor (Jack Northmore) and learns what a facelift entails.  The doctor explains he’ll be peeling back Howard’s entire face and then breaking his nose. Agck!  Howard faints and goes to his reunion with a black eye.

(For the record, there was a time when I was determined to get a nose job but then I considered that I had inherited my nose from my mom and it would be disrespectful to do anything to it.  Big Nose Crew forever!)

At the reunion, Lester accepts an award for all of his success.  He then announces that he doesn’t feel like he can accept the award because he cheated on the final.  He stole Howard’s exam paper, put his name on it, and turned it in as his own.  As such, Howard was actually the one who got the best score on the exam while Lester was the one who should have flunked.  Lester says that he’s happy now because he’s rich, successful, and has a newly cleared conscience.

I have to admit that made me laugh.  Howard’s life sucks and it’s all because of Lester.  Lester’s girlfriend throws champagne in his face and then leaves him.  Howard thanks Lester’s girlfriend so Edna throws champagne in Howard’s face and season two comes to an end.

What a strange show.  Edna learns why Howard is so miserable and instead of offering him any sympathy over the fact that he’s doomed to spend the rest of his life as a grocery store manager, she throws champagne at him and accuses him of cheating.  Howard can’t win but that’s okay because Howard really isn’t that likable of a character.

Season two was …. well, yes, it was inconsistent and frequently downright bad.  But the show occasionally showed some sparks of life, usually when the focus was on the supporting cast.  Jeff Pustil, Kathleen Laskey, Aaron Schwartz, and especially Gordon Clapp were able to generate some laughs, even from the weakest of material.  The season season suffered because Howard’s personality seemed to change from episode-to-episode.  It’s hard to root for a guy who doesn’t behave in a consistent manner.

Will the third and final season be an improvement?  We’ll start finding out next week!