Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, an immigrant wants to stay in America.
Episode 3.18 “Desirable Alien”
(Dir by Bette Gordon, originally aired on January 27th, 1991)
Hercules (Tony Spiridakis) is a Greek immigrant who claims that he cannot return to his home country because of a mysterious birth defect. Hercules wants to be an American citizen but, for some reason, he is hesitant to take the physical exam necessary for citizenship and he always finds a way to put it off. As he waits to become a citizen, Hercules works in a restaurant with his friend, Luis (Luis Guzman). Hercules has had several case workers, all of whom have mysteriously stopped working for the Immigration agency after meeting with Hercules. It turns out that almost every woman that Hercules meets ends up becoming one of his lovers. Luis is impressed. Hercules says that he can’t help it. And, as caseworker Maggie (Wendy Makkena) discovers, he’s not lying. It turns out that Hercules is actually a satyr. Debbie Harry, of Blondie fame, has a brief cameo as a doctor who shows up to give Hercules his physical and who quickly becomes one of his lovers.
This episode was well-acted but it didn’t really add up to much. It’s tempting to try to connect the episode’s story to modern politics and the current debate about immigration but …. nah. That would be giving this episode a bit too much credit. As much as I complain about programs that are too long for the often simple stories that they tell, this episode is a case where I wouldn’t have minded a bit more time to explore the story. With a 21-minute runtime, this episode felt rushed and rather incomplete.
De colores, de colores Se visten los campos en la primavera. De colores, de colores Son los pajaritos que vienen de afuera. De colores, de colores Es el arco iris que vemos lucir.
Y por eso los grandes amores De muchos colores me gustan a mí. Y por eso los grandes amores De muchos colores me gustan a mí.
De colores, de colores Brillantes y finos se viste la aurora. De colores, de colores Son los mil reflejos que el sol atesora. De colores, de colores Se viste el diamante que vemos lucir.
Y por eso los grandes amores De muchos colores me gustan a mí. Y por eso los grandes amores De muchos colores me gustan a mí.
Canta el gallo, canta el gallo Con el quiri, quiri, quiri, quiri, quiri. La gallina, la gallina Con el cara, cara, cara, cara, cara. Los pollitos/polluelos, los pollitos/polluelos Con el pío, pío, pío, pío, pí.
Y por eso los grandes amores De muchos colores me gustan a mí. Y por eso los grandes amores De muchos colores me gustan a mí.
Jubilosos, jubilosos Vivamos en gracia puesto que se puede. Saciaremos, saciaremos La sed ardorosa del Rey que no muere. Jubilosos, jubilosos Llevemos a Cristo un alma y mil más.
Difundiendo la luz que ilumina La gracia divina del gran ideal. Difundiendo la luz que ilumina La gracia divina del gran ideal.
De colores, de colores Sí, de blanco y negro y rojo y azul y castaño. Son colores, son colores De gente que ríe, y estrecha la mano. Son colores, son colores De gente que sabe de la libertad.
Y por eso los grandes amores De muchos colores me gustan a mí. Y por eso los grandes amores De muchos colores me gustan a mí
Chow Yun-Fat is most often mentioned in the same breath as director John Woo when discussing Hong Kong action films, and for good reason when you consider the classic films they made together. However, Chow also worked with director Ringo Lam on five different occasions during his Hong Kong heyday. They first worked together in CITY ON FIRE (1987), before moving on to PRISON ON FIRE (1987), WILD SEARCH (1989), and PRISON ON FIRE II (1991). They would work together for the last time in 1992’s FULL CONTACT, which is my personal favorite of their five films.
In FULL CONTACT, Chow plays Jeff, a bouncer at a bar in Thailand, where his girlfriend Mona (Ann Bridgewater) performs nightly interpretive dance / stripper routines. When Jeff’s best friend Sam (Anthony Wong) gets in trouble with a local loan shark, Jeff rides his big motorcycle over and collects Sam, kicks the collective asses of the loan shark and his goons, and even finds the time to slice and dice some wrists with his butterfly knife. The problem is solved for the night, but Jeff, Sam, and their buddy Chung (Chris Li) know that they’re going to have to come up with some cash to satisfy Hung sooner or later. So, Jeff sends Mona back to Hong Kong, while they team up with Sam’s flamboyantly gay, psychopathic cousin Judge (Simon Yam), and his crew made up of Deano (Frankie Chan) and Virgin (Bonnie Fu), to steal a shipment of arms. Unfortunately for Jeff, Judge has made a deal with loan shark Hung to use them for the arms heist, but then kill them once it’s over. After they pull off the job, Judge shoots Chung in the face and tries to kill Jeff, but instead the two men find themselves in an exciting car chase that ends when they both crash outside of an innocent family’s personal residence. They then engage in an epic fight, with a severely injured Jeff escaping into the home as the homeowner’s are brutally gunned down. Judge forces a freaked out, whining, whimpering Sam at gunpoint to go in the house and shoot his friend Jeff, which he does. After Sam walks out of the house, Judge and Deano blow the place all to hell with Jeff managing to get out of the house in just the nick of time with the family’s dog. Shot full of holes and missing a couple of fingers, Jeff must heal and plot his revenge on the friend who betrayed him and stole his girl, as well as the gay psycho who wanted to make love to him before trying his best to kill him!
I love the movie FULL CONTACT, but it must be noted that it’s quite different from any of Chow Yun-Fat’s prior action films. First, his character Jeff is quite different than the flawed, but heroic characters he had been playing. In this film, he’s still a major badass as he’s riding his Kawasaki motorcycle and twirling his butterfly knife, but there’s not much that’s heroic about his character. Instead, he’ll do pretty much anything for money, and when he’s betrayed, his motivation is little more than cold, hard vengeance. I say “little more” because he does take care of a funny looking dog, and he does try to get some money to help the young girl that was horrifically scarred for life when her house blew up. These specific actions make him better than the psychos surrounding him. Second, Ringo Lam ramps up the violence to extreme levels. This is one of those films that love blades, and when the blades come out, hands are impaled, skin is sliced, and digits are sure to go flying! The film also likes its guns, and the bullets don’t just make a little red spot when they hit. Rather, there’s a good chance blood is going to graphically splatter everywhere. It’s somewhat nihilistic in its approach to violence. And finally, the characters themselves are so extreme that they don’t seem to exist in the real world, which is quite different from Ringo Lam’s usually more gritty work. Aside from Chow’s extreme badass, Yam is completely over the top as the gay psychopath Judge, Frankie Chan’s Deano is nothing more than a dumb brute, Bonnie Fu’s “Virgin” is a sex obsessed, psycho slut, and Anthony Wong’s Sam swings wildly from a whining wuss to a vicious, remorseless killer. Only Ann Bridgewater’s stripper / girlfriend seems to occupy a place on planet earth. I don’t say any of the above items as a criticism of the film. The things I like most about FULL CONTACT is the different type of action character for Chow, and the extreme action sequences. What this film lacks in style, it makes up for in sheer madness and ultra violence.
The cast and crew of FULL CONTACT is top notch. Chow Yun-Fat and Anthony Wong are both three-time winners of the prestigious Hong Kong Film Award for Best Actor, and Simon Yam has won one himself. Chow and Yam are the real standouts here. While he’s effective in his role, this is not the best example of Anthony Wong’s greatness. For that, I recommend the film BEAST COPS (1998). Director Ringo Lam made incredible films in Hong Kong prior to his death in 2018, winning the Hong Kong Film Award as Best Director for his prior collaboration with Chow Yun-Fat, CITY ON FIRE. It’s so good that Quentin Tarantino paid clear homage to it in RESERVOIR DOGS. Lam would also make several films with Jean Claude Van-Damme of varying quality, but I highly recommend his 1997 film FULL ALERT, with Hong Kong super actor Lau Ching-Wan. It’s incredible. The final person I want to mention is composer Teddy Robin Kwan. From the very opening shot, FULL CONTACT’s rocking soundtrack perfectly matches the action on the screen. There’s a revenge training sequence in the film that plays out to guitar riffs, beating drums, and vocals that get you completely pumped up for revenge. It’s not a surprise that Kwan is also a multiple Hong Kong Film Award winner for Best Original Film Score over the years.
Overall, I easily recommend FULL CONTACT knowing full well that it won’t appeal to everyone. The truth is that Hong Kong audiences of the time were not eager to see Chow Yun-Fat in this different type of role and the film is not one of his bigger hits. With that said, FULL CONTACT has a very solid cult following, with its big stars, great director and extreme action. Anyone interested in Hong Kong films of the 80’s and 90’s has to see this one.
Georgie, the Chaser (Cesar Romero) is a con artist who works for a low-level gangster named Sunshine Joe (William Frawley). When Georgie reads about an heiress named Clarice van Cleve (Patricia Ellis) who impulsively falls in love with any man wearing a uniform, Georgie pretends to be a member of the Foreign Legion and tracks her down. Georgie thinks that Clarice’s father will pay him off, just as he’s paid off all of her other suitors. Instead, Clarice’s father disinherits her and Clarice ends up living at Georgie’s place, along with his other criminal associates (Andy Devine, Warren Hymer, and George E. Stone).
Georgie reacts by getting out of town, leaving Clarice behind with his good-natured gang. However, even the gang gets tired of Clarice insisting that they dress up for dinner and that they all get a good night’s sleep. After Sunshine Joe cheats them out of their money, the remaining criminals head to the Yale-Harvard football game, hoping to win some bets and to set Clarice up with the player that her father wants her to marry, studious benchwarmer Hector Wilmot (Buster Crabbe).
Just a little over an hour long, Hold ‘EmYale is actually a pretty amusing movie. It was based on a short story by Damon Runyon and all of the characters are familiar Runyon types, streetwise but good-natured criminals who enjoy drinking and gambling and the film gets a lot of laughs out of their reactions to Clarice’s attempts to civilize them. Patricia Ellis is great as the ditzy Clarice and this film provides a chance to see Buster Crabbe playing a character who isn’t a natural-born athlete for once. It’s a minor film but worth watching for the cast and the snappy dialogue. Who would have guessed a good movie could be built around Ivy League football?
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
It’s time set sail for adventure!
Episode 5.28 “A Dress To Remember”
(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on May 8th, 1982)
This week’s episode features three stories and one dress.
The dress, a lovely blue gown, is brought on board by diet doctor Dr. Alfred Farney (Kelly Monteith), who claims that his “muskmullet” diet will lead to Donna Baker (Markie Post) losing 10 pound by the end of the cruise. The proof will be that Donna will be able to fit into the dress. Alfred’s former partner-turned-rival Dr. Tucker Martin (Lyle Waggoner) is also on the ship and his plan is to tempt Donna into eating so much that she’ll instead gain 11 pounds and the dress will rip. Boooo! Shame on both of those doctors! Seriously, Donna looks miserable for the entire cruise. That said, despite the efforts of Dr. Martin, Donna still loses the weight …. in fact, she loses even more than 10 pounds. She loses 11! Doctors Farney and Martin agree to partner up again and Donna, who looks like she’s about to faint, suggests that they celebrate over pizza. The doctors make some money and Donna gets an eating disorder but at least the dress looks good.
That dress goes through a lot over the course of one episode. For some reason, Gopher and Isaac have been tasked with keeping it safe. Why would you trust those two with something important? Actually, Isaac is usually pretty smart and Gopher’s actually been behaving a bit more like a professional than usual this season so I guess they were just having an off-cruise.
Norman Lomax (Bob Denver) wears the dress (and a wig) to keep his ex-father-in-law, Tom (Forrest Tucker), from recognizing him. Tom must be an idiot because Bob Denver in a wig and dress still looks and sounds like Bob Denver. Norman’s ex-wife, Nancy (Brianne Leary), is also on the cruise. Norman tries to win her back.
Finally, Tom falls for Rosie Strickland (Eleanor Parker), who makes her living selling flowers to people boarding the cruise. When Rosie’s daughter (Catherine Parkes,) shows up, Rosie doesn’t want her to know that Rosie isn’t rich. So, the Captain gives her the dress to wear and helps Rosie pretend to be a rich woman. Fortunately, it turns out that Rosie’s daughter loves her regardless of whether or not she’s rich. And so does Tom!
Myself, I’m a little bit concerned by the fact that the Captain just gave away a piece of clothing that belonged to one of the passengers. That doesn’t really seem very professional and it kind of goes against everything that we know about Captain Stubing. He’s a good man but he’s not exactly a rule-breaker. That said, everything works out in the end. Stubing even gets to perform a triple wedding.
The third story, I actually liked it. It’s heart was in the right place, even if it was basically just a remake of Lady For a Day. Eleanor Parker actually gave a really good performance, finding some much needed reality in Rosie’s character. The other two stories were pretty forgettable (or, in Bob Denver’s case, annoying) but Eleanor Parker’s story made up for both of them, making this a very nice and ultimately rather touching cruise.
Episode 17, the final episode of this short lived TV series, begins with Rufe Ryker (Bert Freed) in serious need of a cook at his cattle ranch. While lamenting the horrible state of the vittles that he and his men are being forced to consume to Sam Grafton (Sam Gilman), it’s suggested that he consider asking Marian Starett (Jill Ireland) to be his cook. Ryker ends up taking Sam’s advice and heads out to the Starett ranch to see her and even gets invited to stay for dinner. None of this is setting well with Shane (David Carradine) or Tom Starett (Tom Tully), as neither man trusts Ryker, especially since he has spent the better part of the first 16 episodes of the series wanting to take the ranch away from them. They make their feelings very obvious as Ryker plays nice and Marian seems to appreciate his suddenly more caring and complimentary nature. Later at Sam’s bar, Ryker begins telling Sam about how good it would be to have a woman to spend his time with. Sam tells him “You’re talking like a man in love.” It really seems that Ryker may be falling for Marian. He even gets a fresh shave and haircut. Shane walks in on Ryker getting his haircut and gets pissed all over again. He heads back to the ranch and tells Marian, who offers to give Shane his own haircut, that Ryker is “trying to court you,” hoping that she’ll put down the idea. Sensing what Shane is up to, Marian decides to play devil’s advocate and acts like dating Ryker isn’t such a bad idea. It drives Shane crazy, which seems to be making Marian quite happy. Ryker keeps pressing forward, even bringing Marian some excellent peanut brittle. As a jealous Shane tries to warn Marian that Ryker is dangerous, she asks Shane why he cares, clearly wanting him to answer honestly, which he doesn’t. Will Shave ever admit to Marian that he loves her?!! Will Ryker be able to convince her that he can give her a good life at his ranch? Will Tom threaten to kick Shane’s ass if he doesn’t handle his business with Marian? The good news is that all such questions are answered in this final episode.
While episode 17 presents a strange conundrum, Shane vs. Rufe Ryker for Marian’s attention, I must admit that I found it an excellent conclusion to the series for several reasons. First, Rufe Ryker’s best nature is finally revealed. Throughout the series Ryker has been a lot of bluster, but with a couple exceptions, he has mostly been a reasonable man and has even worked with the Starett’s multiple times for the good of the valley. His feelings for Marian bring out a sensitivity and kindness in him that we have not seen before. Being one of the more interesting characters, I liked that he was given even more depth this late in the series. Second, there’s a scene late in the episode where Tom confronts Shane, chews his ass out and tells him he’d kick that same ass if he was a little younger since he’s not “man enough” to take care of his business. So many times people dance around and do everything possible NOT to tell people how they feel in these shows. Not this time, as Tom tells Shane exactly how he feels and he doesn’t pull a punch even slightly. It pisses off an already pissed off Shane even farther, but these are words he needs to hear, and they spur him to action. I’ve mentioned some of Tom Tully’s excellent moments in the past, but he saved the best for last. I found it to be one of the best individual moments of the entire series. Finally, you’d think this storyline and the fact that it’s the very last episode would force Shane to finally tell Marian how he fills about her. I’m not going to spoil the ending, but throughout the entire series, Shane has been shown to be a man of action, not of words, and that aspect of his character remains unchanged to the very end. You’ll have to watch for yourself to find out exactly what I mean with that last statement.
I started watching this series for two reasons; I loved the 1953 movie SHANE with Alan Ladd, and I wanted to watch Jill Ireland in an on-screen role that does not rely on Charles Bronson. After watching every episode, I can confidently state that SHANE is a solid TV series, and that Jill Ireland does a fine job as the beautiful Marian Starett. And even better, it’s been a lot of fun sharing my thoughts with the readers of The Shattered Lens. Thanks to all who have joined me!
I stumbled on the full trailer for James Gunn’s Superman by accident today, as I was looking for background music to play while handling some apartment chores. I don’t know why IGN has this first and not the Warner Brothers YouTube Channel, but it’s not a “Concept” trailer.
I don’t know if I’m fully sold on this. It definitely feels a bit lighter compared to earlier presentations of the character. I do like David Corenswet’s approach (via Gunn’s writing/direction), though I thought he did a great job in Ti West’s Pearl and in Twisters. It definitely looks like there’s a great deal going on here, and the Man of Steel has quite a bit of backup to help him out.
We’ll all find out on July 11, when the film premieres in theatres.
As Guilty Pleasures go, The Shadow is a movie that has absolutely everything you need for a fun, campy ride. An Al Leong cameo, alongside James Hong? Check. Heroes and Villains taking time out to discuss their wicked plans (and how they’ll be stopped) over a glass of fine American Bourbon? Check. Early 90s Era CGI? Mark it down. Duel Wielding Pistol shooting action? Got it. Tim Curry just being there? Sweet.
After the wild success of Tim Burton’s Batman in 1989, Hollywood was scrambling to squeeze what they could out of the Superhero Movie. The Punisher, with Dolph Lundgren, would come out the same year. We’d end up with The Rocketeer (one of my personal favorites), BarbWire, Dick Tracy,The Crow, The Mask, and The Phantom, among others leading into the mid-90s. Among these was 1994’s The Shadow, based off the 1930’s character from Walter B. Gibson. Pre-dating all of the before mentioned characters (including DC’s Batman by almost a decade), The Shadow started as a series of radio stories before moving on to other forms of media. The movie didn’t do very well on it’s original release. Much like the magic that clouds men’s minds, audiences were more enraptured with The Crow months before and The Lion King. Some may remember a Shadow movie was made, but it was eclipsed by more popular films at the time.
At the same time, there were major advances happening in audio technology, thanks to a tiny Universal film called Jurassic Park. Jurassic Park helped to usher in an update in sound quality known as The Digital Experience (which we now know as DTS for short). As theatres coverted to the new sound system, various films in the early to mid nineties would make use of it, such as The Crow, The Mask, Timecop and The Shadow. By the time my family picked up their first Laserdisc player, DTS quality sound was available at home. My dad had a series of speakers lined around the living room of our house so that regardless of where you sat, the sound would move around you. One of the best tests of it was with John Carpenter’s The Thing, where Blair is standing off against the crew. The gunfire from his pistol would richochet from the front to the rear speakers, making the kids duck down.
The Shadow also made of use of this in certain areas, particularly with the way voices carried in a room. The part with Shiwan Khan’s voice moving over the city at night was amazing to hear with the right sound system. Just about any scene where The Shadow spoke had this sweet spatial effect that I loved.
The Shadow is the tale of Ying Ko (Alec Baldwin, The Getaway), a.k.a. Lamont Cranston. Living high in the Opium Fields of Tibet, he is a man of darkness, having inflicted great evil over time. Kidnapped and brought to a Tulku (a wise man) who has decided it’s time for redemption, Cranston is taught to cloud men’s minds, bending people to his will and to hide every aspect of himself save for one thing, his Shadow. He then returns seven years later to that “most wretched lair of villainy we know as” New York City, for we all know that the weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
Cranston spends most of his nights at The Cobalt Club with his Uncle Wainwright (Jonathan Winters, It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World), who also happens to be the Police Commissioner. It allows him to keep up appearances while making sure the police don’t put The Shadow in their spotlight. When he meets the beautiful Margot Lane (Penelope Ann Miller, The Relic), he’s not only smitten, but finds her ability to read minds a dangerous threat to him.
When a metal casket from Tibet arrives at the New York Museum of Natural History, it reveals Shiwan Khan (John Lone, The Last Emperor), the last descendant of Genghis Khan. Gifted with the same abilities as Cranston, Khan has plans for the city and the world. He would rather have Cranston join him than to kill him. This turns the story into a classic Bond-like cliche where the hero and villain spend the bulk of the movie explaining their plans.
Enjoying the successes of Death Becomes Her and Jurassic Park, writer David Koepp was on a roll. The Shadow doesn’t take itself too seriously. Koepp and director Russell Mulcahy (Highander) splash moments of light comedy at just about every turn, mostly through the witty banter between characters. Some are over the top, particularly with Tim Curry’s character, while others are more subtle, like with Ian McKellan (The Lord of the Rings). If you’re looking for a serious drama in your superhero film, this isn’t it. Additionally, there are one or two elements that make no sense whatever. Mongol warriors walking around in full armor that no one ever seems to notice and taking rides in taxicabs (unless we assume they’re masked by Khan’s magic).
Most of the movie was filmed on the Universal Studios New York backlot, which explains why some scenes look like they were borrowed from Walter Hill’s Streets of Fire (that also used it years before). The mystical Tibetan Phurba dagger that echoes the disposition of its owner was a variant of the one used in Eddie Murphy’s The Golden Child in the late 80s.
if the movie’s climax between The Shadow and Khan feels a bit abbreviated, it’s because of a last minute change in filming. The original plan for the ending involved a series of mirrors, but an earthquake earlier in the year caused damage to the props the production team planned to use. So, what we get is a quicker scene, still falling in line with Mulcahy’s penchant for glass shattering, but leaving the audience to partially wonder what we could have had if everything worked out.
Finally, the real gem in all this is Jerry Goldsmith’s score. Although out of print, you can still find most of the tracks on YouTube, and the songs keep the immersion flowing. While I don’t see the film getting any kind of remakes in the near future, it’s nice to know everything came together (as well as it could) for this entry. Then again, who knows?
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
Today is the birthday of one of my favorite American directors, the one and only Sofia Coppola! In honor of this day, here are….
4 Shots From 4 Sofia Coppola Films
The Virgin Suicides (1999, dir by Sofia Coppola, DP: Edward Lachman)
Lost In Translation (2003, dir by Sofia Coppola, DP: Lance Acord)
Marie Antoinette (2006, dir by Sofia Coppola, DP: Lance Acord)
The Bling Ring (2013, dir by Sofia Coppola, DP: Harry Savides and Christopher Blauvelt)
Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a very happy birthday to the great Robert Zemeckis. Today’s scene that I love comes from Zemeckis’s 1985 film, BacktotheFuture.
Did you know that rock and roll was invented by a time traveler? Well, let’s not overthink things. Let’s just enjoy the scene.
Through the Shattered Lens 