Tony Spiridakis – Through the Shattered Lens

One of the most influential movies in my life opened on November 1, 1985. While most 12 year old boys were interested in movies like BACK TO THE FUTURE, RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II, THE GOONIES, and ROCKY IV, and don’t get me wrong, I liked those movies, the film that stood head and shoulders above the rest for me was DEATH WISH 3! I had become obsessed with Bronson, and this would be the first of his films that I would own on VHS. And I would watch it daily. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that maybe it wasn’t the cinematic masterpiece of its time, but I don’t care, the movie is part and parcel of who I am. The characters, the contraptions, and Charles Bronson earned it a place in my Hall of Fame. There may be better movies, but only a few movies come along at the perfect time to create a lifetime obsession. DEATH WISH 3 is that movie for me.

Happy Birthday, old friend.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, an immigrant wants to stay in America.

Episode 3.18 “Desirable Alien”

(Dir by Bette Gordon, originally aired on January 27th, 1991)

Hercules (Tony Spiridakis) is a Greek immigrant who claims that he cannot return to his home country because of a mysterious birth defect. Hercules wants to be an American citizen but, for some reason, he is hesitant to take the physical exam necessary for citizenship and he always finds a way to put it off. As he waits to become a citizen, Hercules works in a restaurant with his friend, Luis (Luis Guzman). Hercules has had several case workers, all of whom have mysteriously stopped working for the Immigration agency after meeting with Hercules. It turns out that almost every woman that Hercules meets ends up becoming one of his lovers. Luis is impressed. Hercules says that he can’t help it. And, as caseworker Maggie (Wendy Makkena) discovers, he’s not lying. It turns out that Hercules is actually a satyr. Debbie Harry, of Blondie fame, has a brief cameo as a doctor who shows up to give Hercules his physical and who quickly becomes one of his lovers.

This episode was well-acted but it didn’t really add up to much. It’s tempting to try to connect the episode’s story to modern politics and the current debate about immigration but …. nah. That would be giving this episode a bit too much credit. As much as I complain about programs that are too long for the often simple stories that they tell, this episode is a case where I wouldn’t have minded a bit more time to explore the story. With a 21-minute runtime, this episode felt rushed and rather incomplete.