Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.2 “Portrait of the Artist”

Posted on April 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, a visit to an art gallery goes terribly wrong.

Episode 2.2 “Portrait of the Artist”

(Dir by Gerald Cotts, originally aired on October 8th, 1989)

Lucille Clay (Lucille Kennedy) visits an isolated art gallery that appears to be sitting in the middle of nowhere. The studio is full of macabre paintings of women and children who appear to be in some sort of mortal danger. Watching over the gallery is Hubert (Darren McGavin), who claims to be just an old farmer who was hired to look after things while the actual artist is in Nepal.

Accompanying Lucille is Roger Darcy (Beeson Carroll), a man who walks with a pronounced limp. Lucille claims that Roger is an art critic but, as soon becomes apparent, that’s a lie. Roger is actually the father of a missing teenage girl and he is stunned when he sees that one of the paintings looks just like her. In fact, all of the paintings appear to be of someone who has recently disappeared. Convinced that the artist is a serial killer, Roger demands to be taken to the artist’s cabin. What Roger doesn’t know is that the gallery hides an even bigger threat.

This episode ends with a twist. It’s not a bad twist and it actually took me by surprise. Unfortunately, the rest of the episode is not as good as the twist ending. I had high hopes when I saw that this episode was going to take place in a gallery and that it was going to star Darren McGavin. But, and it pains me to say this, McGavin just isn’t very good in this episode. McGavin was an actor who always had a tendency to go a little bit over the top. That wasn’t a problem when he was playing Kolchak or the father in A Christmas Story. But, in this episode, he’s so blustery that it’s obvious that he’s hiding something from the start and it makes Roger and Lucille seem all the dumber for trusting him.

Indeed, the other big problem with this episode is that Roger and Lucille continually do the stupidest things possible. None of their actions make sense. Why, if they believed a serial killer was lurking around the gallery, would they split up? Why would they be so quick to trust Hubert? Why, after escaping, would one of them then return without any backup? Why does neither one of them seem to be particularly upset about the possibility that either Hubert or the artist murdered Roger’s daughter and then used her for his painting? They both behave so stupidly that it’s hard to really care what happens to them.

This story had some potential but, unfortunately, the execution just didn’t live up to it.

Film Review: Hitler — Dead or Alive (dir by Nick Grinde)

Posted on April 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1942 film, Hitler — Dead or Alive, opens with two reporters visiting a prominent industrialist named Samuel Thornton (Russell Hicks). They are curious about a statue of three men that stands outside of Thornton’s mansion. Thornton proceeds to tell them the story of the three men.

In 1939, shortly after the Nazis invaded Poland and with the United States still pursuing a policy of neutrality, Thornton independently offered a million dollars to anyone who could bring Adolf Hitler to justice, dead or alive. Accepting the offer were three ex-cons who had just been released from Alcatraz, Steve Maschick (Ward Bond), Hans “The Dutch” Havermann (Warren Hymer), and Joe “The Book” Conway (Paul Fix). (As you may have guessed “The Book” is the intellectual of the group and yes, he wears glasses.) After Thornton makes clear to them that they’re going to have to make sure that they either capture or kill the real Hitler and not one of his many doubles, the three men join the Royal Canadian Air Force and, along with ace pilot Johnny Stevens (Bruce Edwards), they head for Germany.

Made for an obviously low-budget, this B-movie is a bit of a curiosity. It starts out as a comedy, with the three cooks cracking jokes about going straight and a lengthy sequence in which they try to work up the courage to parachute into Germany. Even after they get caught by the Gestapo and sent to a prison camp, much of the film is played for laughs. It’s not until they escape from the prison and Johnny sacrifices his life while shooting it out with the Nazis that the film starts to take a more serious turn. Steve, who starts out the film only caring about the money, comes to realize that there are more important things than just finding a quick payday.

Steve, Hans, and Joe end up at the mansion of Else von Brandt (Dorothy Tree), a secret member of the German resistance who is so trusted by the Nazis that Hitler himself (played by Bobby Watson) will be stopping by for a visit. By this point, Steve explains that he no longer cares about the money. As far as he’s concerned, he’s now working for free. After learning about all of the people who have been killed by Hitler, Steve is determined to stop him, even if it means sacrificing his own life.

There are still moments of humor to the found in the latter half of the film. When Steve, Hans, and Joe confront Hitler, one of the first things that they do is shave off his mustache. But the film’s conclusion is ultimately a very serious one and features one particular act of violence that I imagine stunned audiences in 1942. Having told the story of the three men and their mission to get Hitler, Samuel Thornton ends the film by saying that it doesn’t matter whether Germany is being led by Hitler or Hitler’s double. What matters is eradicating all of the Nazis from the Earth. In the end, the message of the film is a simple one. It’s okay to laugh. It’s okay to joke. But, in the end, everyone must do their part.

Hitler — Dead or Alive was made for an obviously low-budget and there are a few scenes, especially in the beginning, where the pace feels a bit off. Just as with Beast of Berlin, the film’s version of a German prison camp feels like it could have been lifted from a dozen American crime films. But Ward Bond is a strong hero and he delivers his lines with conviction, especially when he discusses why nothing is more important than stopping Hitler. He gets good support from both Paul Fix and Warren Hymer. The film may start out as a comedy but it’s anti-Hitler message comes through loud and clear. Seriously, how can you not appreciate a film about defeating the Nazis?

Top Gun (1955, directed by Ray Nazarro)

Posted on April 3, 2024 by Jedadiah Leland

Rick Martin (Sterling Hayden) rides his horse into his hometown of Casper, Wyoming. He has an important message to deliver to the town marshal but first, he visits his mother’s grave and discovers that there is a maker with his name on it and an open grave waiting for him. Many of the other makers are for people who are specifically identified as have been “Murdered by Rick Martin.”

Rick is notorious for being a gunslinger and most of the town considers him to be nothing but a murderer, despite Rick’s claim that he’s never shot anyone who didn’t try to shoot him first. Despite the town’s feelings towards him, Rick warns his old friend, Marshal Bat Davis (James Millican), that the notorious outlaw Tom Quentin (John Dehner) is coming to Casper and is planning on tearing the place up. Rick offers to stick around and help fight Quentin and his men but the city council orders him to leave.

City councilman Canby Judd (William Bishop) especially wants to get rid of Rick. Judd murdered Rick’s mother for her land and he is also engaged to Rick’s former girlfriend, Laura (Karin Booth). When Rick asks Laura to come to California with him, Judd and his gunslinger (played by Rod Taylor, in one of his first film roles) conspire to put Rick in jail. At first, the town is happy to have Rick behind bars but then Tom Quentin and his gang show up.

Though it will never be the most popular film to use the title, 1955’s Top Gun is an intelligent B-western that puts as much emphasis on the hypocrisy of the town as it does on gunfights and duels. The population sign specifically says that Casper is home to “1,002 law-abiding citizens” and it is obvious that Rick is not considered to be good enough to be one of those citizens. Rick may have a violent past but he’s honest about who he is, unlike the holier-than-thou townspeople who put Rick in jail and then expect him to help them out when the real outlaws arrive. Though the townspeople pretend that there’s no place for someone like Rick Martin in their society, Rick understands the harsh reality of life in the old west. Director Ray Nazarro does a good job choreographing the fight scenes and Sterling Hayden give a tough and angry performance as Rick Martin and he’s supported by an able cast of western regulars. Western fans will find much to enjoy while watching Top Gun.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.10 “Boomerang/Captain’s Triangle/Out of This World”

Posted on April 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise is all about adultery and aliens!

Episode 4.10 “Boomerang/Captain’s Triangle/Out Of This World”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 13th, 1980)

When Donna Dayton (Pamela Sue Martin) boards the boat, Julie immediately notices her wedding ring and asks if Mr. Dayton will be following her. Donna explains that she’s not married. She just wears the ring to keep sleazy men from hitting on her.

Julie is shocked. What if Donna meets someone on the boat!?

Donna says that she has no intention of meeting anyone.

Can you guess what happens next?

Donna meets Scott Hanson (Barry Van Dyke) and it’s love at …. well, not quite first sight. In fact, Donna is weary of Scott because Scott is on the cruise with his oafish best friend, Lance (Guich Koock, who has a great name if nothing else). When Lance tries to hit on Donna, Donna shoots him down. When Scott apologizes to Donna, it leads to them dancing together and then later spending a day in Mexico. Scott repeatedly says that their relationship cannot continue once the cruise is over. Even after Scott spends the night in Donna’s cabin (which was kind of a rare occurrence on this show because The Love Boat was usually a surprisingly chaste show), Scott says that he can’t be with Donna.

Finally realizing that she’s still wearing her fake wedding ring, Donna tells Scott, “I’m not married!”

“But I am,” Scott replies.

DAMN! When did The Love Boat get so dramatic? When the ship returns to Los Angeles, Donna gives her wedding ring to Julie and announces that the next time she wears a ring, it’ll be because she’s married.

Wow, that was depressing. Fortunately, the other two stories are a bit less serious.

For instance, Captain Stubing’s friend, Brad (Monte Markham), boards the boat with his wife, Monica (Sue Ane Langdon). Monica soon starts to hit on Stubing, which leads to Stubing spending all of his time hiding on the bridge. Doc Bricker, naturally, offers to sleep with Monica. Fortunately, Stubing figures out that it’s all Brad’s fault and he tells Brad that he needs to spend more time with his wife. Brad agrees and later learns that Monica just wanted to have an affair because she was insecure about turning 40. But once Brad starts to pay attention to her again, Monica decides not to cheat on him. Sorry, Doc!

Finally, in perhaps the silliest Love Boat storyline ever, Martin Fallow (Tom Smothers) is a science fiction fan who is convinced that his local librarian, Elinor Green (Helen Reddy), is an alien from the planet Romulac. Martin explains to Gopher that Elinor turns into a plant at night and only eats other plants. Elinor proceeds to eat a flower while Isaac, Gopher, and Martin watch.

Elinor later confesses to Isaac that she is not an alien but she’s been pretending to be one because she knows that Martin is obsessed with science fiction. Okay, that makes …. well, that actually makes no sense whatsoever. Elinor thought she could get Martin to love her by pretending to be a plant and …. actually, Martin does fall in love with her so I guess her plan worked. This was such a weird story. Fortunately, it was also a lot of fun. With all the talk of adultery, it was good to have something that was just incredibly silly to serve as a counterbalance.

This was an enjoyable cruise. Pamela Sue Martin and Barry Van Dyke had so much chemistry as the forbidden lovers that I really did feel bad that they couldn’t be together. And the alien stuff was dumb but fun. This was a cruise that truly had something for everyone.

Moments #13: Watchers and Followers

Posted on April 3, 2024 by Dazzling Erin

A few years ago, I was walking around the neighborhood when I realized that someone was watching me.

After saying goodbye to my new friend, I kept walking. A few blocks later, I realized that I was being followed.

As soon as I turned around and looked at him, he ran away.

It’s been years but I still think about the two of them whenever I go for a walk around the neighborhood, the proud cat and the curious dog. I’m glad that they both had a home and happy lives. I’m glad the cat enjoyed staring me down and I hope the dog enjoyed following behind me. Human don’t deserve animals but I’m glad they put up with us.

Previous Moments:

Scene That I Love: Vito Corleone and Johnny Fontane in The Godfather

Posted on April 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Continuing our tribute to the great Marlon Brando, today’s scene that I love comes from The Godfather.

In this scene, a self-pitying Johnny Fontane (Al Martino) discusses his career problems with Marlon Brando’s Vito Corleone. Johnny is losing his voice. Johnny is up for a role in a big movie but he worries that the producer will never allow him to appear in the film. Johnny says he doesn’t know what to do and he sheds a tear….

….and that’s not a smart thing to do when you’re talking to Don Corleone.

This scene contains some of the best moments of The Godfather. Al Martino was a professional singer with little acting experience. (While Johnny Fontane was a major character in Mario Puzo’s book, he only appeared in two scenes in the film version. Coppola later said that he thought the Johnny Fontane chapters were so poorly written that he would have turned down the film if he had to include too much of the character.) In order to get an effective performance out of Martino, Brando did not warn him that he would actually be slapping him. During one take, Brando got so aggressive that he knocked off Martino’s toupee and caused Robert Duvall to start laughing. It was all worth it, though. Martino was thoroughly convincing as Johnny Fontane and Marlon Brando won (but did not accept) his second Oscar for Best Actor.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Marlon Brando Edition

Posted on April 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

One hundred years ago and on this date, Marlon Brando was born in Omaha, Nebraska. One of the greatest of American actors and one of the main reasons why so many young actors became enamored with the Method, Marlon Brando played many roles in our culture. When he was young, he was a Broadway bad boy. When he went out to Hollywood, he became a legitimate movie star. In the 60s, he was a cautionary tale as his career suffered a series of notorious flops. In the 70s, he made a comeback and, in during the final years of his career, he was as known for his eccentricities as for his talent. It’s a shame that those eccentricities overshadowed Brando as an actor. When he wanted to be, he was one of the best to ever appear on stage or in the movies.

In honor of the wonderful, tragic, and talented Marlon Brando, it’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Marlon Brando Films

A Streetcar Named Desire (1951, dir by Elia Kazan, DP: Harry Stradling)

On The Waterfront (1954, dir by Elia Kazan, DP: Boris Kaufman)

The Godfather (1972, dir by Francis Ford Coppola, DP: Gordon Willis)

Apocalypse Now (1979, dir by Francis Ford Coppola, DP: Vittorio Storaro)

Artwork of the Day: Road Show (by Julian Paul)

Posted on April 3, 2024 by Dazzling Erin

by Julian Paul

This cover is from 1953.

Music Video of the Day: King Nothing by Metallica (1997, directed by Matt Mahurin)

Posted on April 3, 2024 by Jedadiah Leland

The music video for King Nothing was shot in Park City, Utah in December of 1996. I could not find any information on who had to pick up all those crowns after shooting ended but hopefully, they were paid well.

This video was directed by photographer Matt Mahurin. Mahurin directed his first music video in 1986 and he’s been churning them out ever since. Among the artists that Mahurin has worked with: Disturbed, Goo Goo Dolls, Marilyn Manson, Tom Waits, Alice in Chains, Queensryche, R.E.M., Tracy Chapman, and U2.

Enjoy!