Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.6 “Where’s The Rest Of Me?”

Posted on November 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Youtube.

This week, Monsters makes the mistake of getting political.

Episode 1.6 “Where’s The Rest Of Me?”

(Dir by Richard Benner, originally aired on November 26th, 1988)

On a Caribbean island, Dr. Wingite (Meat Loaf) is throwing a small party in his mansion/laboratory. Attending the party is a football player named Joe (Franco Harris). Dr. Wingite gave Joe a new knee and, as a result, Joe is having his best season ever. Also at the party is a singer named Regina (played by Black-Eyed Susan). Regina was losing her voice until Dr. Wingite gave her new vocal cords. And finally, there’s a businessman named J.J. Marshall (Drew Eliot), who wants to develop the island by building a shopping mall. J.J. was losing his eyesight until Dr. Wingite gave him new eyes.

As Wingite and his patients drink wine and talk about their greedy plans for the future, revolutionaries are firing guns and shouting outside. The government is not popular and neither is Dr. Wingite, who is not only a mad scientist but also the government’s chief executioner.

Wingite takes his guests down to his lab, where they see Adam (Frank Tarsia). Wingite explains that Adam was a rebel who was due to be executed. Wingite, however, put him in a coma and the doctor has been giving away his body parts. J.J. has Adam’s eyes. Regina has Adam’s vocal cords. Joe has Adam’s knee. Adam is kept alive with machines but when Joe and Regina accidentally spill a beaker of liquid into Adam’s feed tube, Adam wakes up and comes back to life. Adam stalks the guests through the mansion, determined ro regain his missing body parts.

Eh. This episode was …. well, it was pretty bad. The political subtext was pretty heavy-handed, with J.J. loudly declaring that Wingite’s experiments are “free enterprise!” and Adam shouting “Viva la revolution” as he seeks revenge on the doctor and his wealthy guests. It had all the depth and the nuance of an essay written by a college freshmen who is convinced that he’s an expert on Marx because he took one class on him. I’m surprised that the episode didn’t feature Fidel Castro parachuting in to rescue Adam or maybe an appearance by the ghost of that bourgeois phony, Che Guevara.

Beyond the superficial political subtext, this episode suffered from some truly terrible acting. Meat Loaf is totally miscast as a mad scientist and seeing that Dr. Wingite was obviously based on South America-based Nazi war criminals like Klaus Barbie and Josef Mengele, you have to wonder what led the show’s director to think, “This is a perfect role for a kind of goofy singer!” From what I understand, Franco Harris was an actual football player and his performance makes the basketball players who appeared on Hang Time seem expressive by comparison. The rest of the cast is neither as miscast as Meat Loaf nor as downright bad as Franco Harris but still, no one makes much of an impression.

This was a disappointing episode. Sometimes, it’s best to avoid politics.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.15 “The Harder They Fall/The Spider Serenade/Next Door Wife”

Posted on November 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Gopher falls in love. Yes, Gopher.

Episode 3.15 “The Harder They Fall/The Spider Serenade/Next Door Wife”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 8th, 1979)

After three seasons of being goofy comedic relief, Gopher finally got his heart broken in this episode. He fell in love with a passenger named Claire Dalrymple (Jill St. John), who is on the boat by herself because she has recently separated from her husband, Nelson (Robert Sampson). And Claire eventually fell in love with Gopher, especially after he dressed up like a mariachi singer and serenaded her with a song about the time that she asked him to kill a spider that was in her cabin. This time, it was Gopher who ended up waking up in a cabin with a passenger.

(I’m sure some would say it was a bit unrealistic that Claire, upon seeing a spider in her cabin, would run out into the hallway, screaming while wearing only a towel. I’ve done the exact same thing at a hotel because spiders are scary!)

But does Claire really love Gopher or if she just looking for someone to feel the void left by her separation. When her husband shows up on the boat, he turns out to be a pretty reasonable and polite guy. He tells Gopher that, while Gopher can give Claire anything she wants at sea, Nelson can give her everything she needs on land. Is Nelson suggesting some sort of special arrangement here? Well, if he is, it totally goes over Gopher’s head. At the end of the cruise, Claire decides to leave with Nelson and Gopher can only sadly watch as she leaves.

Awwwwwww! Poor Gopher!

It’s kind of weird to see Gopher in a sad story. That’s not the fault of Fred Grandy, who always likable and did a pretty good job with the role. Instead, it’s just that Gopher is such a goofy character that it takes a bit of adjustment to suddenly see him being sincere. His storyline here worked well-enough, once you got used to the idea of Gopher being serious. If anything, Gopher was so sad by the end of it that it suddenly made sense why he’s always telling jokes and trying to avoid any sort of emotional commitment. He’s hurting inside!

The other two storylines were goofy enough to make up for Gopher’s serious turn. Chet Hanson (James McArthur) is on the cruise with his girlfriend, Kim (Susan Buckner). Chet’s wife, Carol, (Joanna Pettet) also shows up on the cruise and gives Chet the papers to sign for their divorce. Chet and Carol are fairly friendly for a divorcing couple but Chet is still upset when Carol buys a ticket for the cruise and ends up staying in the cabin across the hall from him and Kim. Soon, Carol is stopping by constantly and telling Chet about a man that she’s been flirting with. Eventually, Chet realizes that he doesn’t want to get a divorce and he and Carol get back together. That really sucks for Kim, who is surprisingly tolerant of being followed around by her boyfriend’s wife. This storyline really did leave a sour aftertaste. Chet was a jerk and Kim deserved better.

Finally, Ed “Flash” Taylor (Milton Berle) and Jack McTigue (Alan Hale, Jr.) were both boxers in their youth. They fought one legendary fight, in which they not only beat the Hell out of each other but also knocked out the referee. Now, they are both cruise line executives and they both end up on their boat at the same time. As soon as they see each other, their rivalry reignites and they prepare for a rematch on the boat. When Captain Stubing tries to stop the fight, he is accidentally knocked out by the two boxers. Somehow, this leads to peace between Ed and Jack and not to Captain Stubing suing his bosses for punching him. Seriously, the Love Boat is floating HR nightmare.

This was an okay episode, largely due to Gopher’s unexpectedly sad story. The other two stories were just goofy but, when it comes to The Love Boat, the goofiness is the point.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Gun 1.6 “Father John”

Posted on November 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Gun, an anthology series that ran on ABC for six week in 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Tonight, we finish up Gun!

Episode 1.6 “Father John”

(Dir by Jeremiah S. Chechik, originally aired on May 31st, 1997)

Father John, the final episode of Gun, is also one of its worse. The only thing keeping it from being the absolute worst is that Robert Altman directed that episode that dealt with the country club presidency and then there was that episode with Daniel Stern as the guy having an elaborate Hollywood fantasy and, of course, there was last week’s episode with Kirsten Dunst…. actually, now that I think about it, of the six episodes of Gun that were produced, Father John is in the top 3 but only by default.

The episode stars Fred Ward as John Farragut, a newspaper columnist who is also a recovering alcoholic and who is always struggling to keep up with his alimony payments to his ex-wife, Joyce (Brooke Adams). John doesn’t have much faith in the world but he has always worshiped his Uncle John, a priest for whom he was named. When Uncle John dies, nephew John is shocked to discover that his uncle not only died with a lot of money hidden away in his room but that he also owned the pearl-handled gun that appears in every episode of this series. What secrets were being hidden by Uncle John!?

Nephew John sets out to find out. At first, he assumes that his Uncle must have been having an affair with a woman named Gloria (Angela Alvarado) but he then comes to learn that Gloria (whose real name is Gabriella) is a refugee who was rescued from a sex trafficking ring by his uncle. Uncle John had the gun to protect Gabriella and now, it’s time for his nephew to continue to protect her.

It sounds pretty straight-forward and, to be honest, there really aren’t any unexpected twists in this episode. That said, the episode itself is incredibly overwritten. We not only get to watch as living John tries to solve a very simple mystery but, even worse, we have to listen to his narration as he tells us the details of what he’s doing. Of course, we can already see what he’s doing so it all feels a bit redundant. The narration itself is so hard-boiled that it feels almost like a parody of the detective genre and I found myself wondering why anyone would want to read anything written by a man whose narration is essentially a collection of clichés. John Farragut is the type of guy who says, “If you sleep with dogs, you wake up with fleas,” as if he think he’s the first person to ever come up with it. Surprisingly, Fred Ward is very much miscast as John Farragut. With his weathered face and his weary tone, it’s hard to buy Ward as someone who 1) still hero-worships anyone and 2) would still be crying about having never met his father. Farragut appears to be nearly 50 and he’s still whining about stuff that most people get over or have figured out by the time they graduate college. Farragut’s actions often only make sense if you accept that idea that he is impossibly naïve about the world and that’s not the feeling one would ever get from a character played by Fred Ward.

With this episode, Gun ends on a boring note but, then again, it was never a particularly exciting series to begin with. For all the notable actors who appeared in Gun, it’s hard to think of any stand-out episodes or performances. If I had to rank the episodes, it would go something like this:

That’s not a very impressive list, to be honest. Gun perhaps would have worked better if there had been some sort of continuity as far as the gun itself was concerned. Perhaps the show would have worked if there had been a feeling of the gun following a natural journey from owner to owner. Instead, it just randomly showed up in each story and sometimes, it was important and, far more often, it was just a prop. The show certainly had nothing to say about American gun culture. It was an uneven show. The opening credits featured U2 covering Happiness Is Warm Gun and Bono’s overbaked interpretation of the lyrics felt appropriate for this show’s flashy but shallow style.

Next week, there will be a new show in this time slot. What will it be? Uhmmmm …. ask me next week.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.22 “My Fair Pharaoh/The Power”

Posted on November 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, Fantasy Island goes to ancient Egypt!

Episode 3.22 “My Fair Pharaoh/The Power”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on May 10th, 1980)

This week, Mr. Roarke welcomes two people with two very different fantasies. Neither one of their fantasies really make much sense but you know Mr. Roarke. He’s going to give the people what they want, unless he takes some sort of personal dislike to them. Then, they’re totally going to get screwed.

Lucy Atwell (Joan Collins), for instance, has always fantasized about going back to ancient Egypt and living the life of Cleopatra. Now, you may wonder why that is, seeing as how Cleopatra lost every man that she ever loved and was eventually killed by an asp. But no matter! Mr. Roarke sends Lucy into the past and Lucy quickly discovers that …. wait a minute! She’s not Cleopatra! Instead, she’s a part of the harem of Ptolemy (Michael Ansara)! What the Hell, Mr. Roarke!? What part of “I want to be Queen of Egypt” sounds like “I want to be a part of some old guy’s harem?”

However, Lucy does look exactly like the real Cleopatra and that might be useful, seeing as how the real Cleopatra is currently being held prisoner. After a proper amount of royal training, Lucy fills in for Cleopatra and gets to meet and fall in love with Marc Anthony (Ron Ely). When the real Cleopatra is killed by an asp, the fake Cleopatra gets to rule Egypt and it all works out nicely until …. the fantasy ends.

Oh well, it was a nice weekend. Time for Lucy to go home except …. who is that waiting for the airplane? Why, it’s Marc Anthony! Except his real name is Eric Williams and apparently, he was just a guy living out a fantasy of his own. He always wanted to know what it would be like to be Marc Anthony because who hasn’t fantasized about briefly ruling Rome and then being exiled and hounded to death by the forces of Augustus? Anyway, Lucy finds her love and Joan Collins finally gets to play Cleopatra, the role that she was nearly awarded in 1960 before Elizabeth Taylor was selected instead.

Meanwhile, in the episode’s comedic fantasy, dorky Fred Webster (Larry Linville) wants to impress his girlfriend, Laura (Julie Sommars) by being telekinetic. What? Seriously, that’s how he wants to impress her? I mean, it’s Fantasy Island! Ask for a better job or a nicer car or something. Anyway, Fred gets his power of telekinesis and uses it to cheat at gambling. This brings him to the attention of Stephanie (Carol Lynley) and her goons. When Fred realizes that Stephanie is evil, Stephanie has Laura kidnapped but she’s forgotten that Fred has telekinesis and can just mentally cause a fishing net to wrap up her and her men. This was an extremely silly fantasy. In fact, it was too silly for its own good, right down to the scenes where Fred’s eyes take on a green glow while he uses his powers.

This was a pretty forgettable episode but at least there were some nice costumes in the Egyptian fantasy. Next week, season 3 comes to an end.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Nightmare Café 1.6 “Aliens Ate My Homework”

Posted on November 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Nightmare Café, which ran on NBC from January to April of 1992. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Nightmare Café comes to an end!

Episode 1.6 “Aliens Ate My Homework”

(Dir by Wes Craven, originally aired on April 3rd, 1992)

When it came to the sixth episode of Nightmare Café, I don’t know if executive producer Wes Craven knew that it was going to be the final episode of the series when he decided to direct it. It would be nice to think that Craven decided to say goodbye to the series by sitting in the director’s chair but the realities of network television make that doubtful. It’s probably just a coincidence that the final episode of the series was directed by Wes Craven but it still feels appropriate. Not only did Wes Craven create the series but he was directed the movie that made Robert Englund a big enough star that NBC was actually willing to make him the star and narrator of a prime time show.

(It’s interesting to consider that playing a viscous child murderer turned Robert Englund into a beloved pop culture legend but it says something about the natural friendliness that Englund projected that audiences still liked him even after he became most identified with playing the man of everyone’s nightmares.)

It’s a rather playful episode, one that eschews the drama and horror of the first five episodes for some rather broad comedy. It’s also the episode that features the most narration from Blackie, as he both tells us what’s happening and also provides some commentary on the actions of the people in the story. Robert Englund really seems to enjoy playing the character in this episode and it’s fun to watch him.

The episode focuses on tabloid reporter Harry Tambor (Bobby Slayton), who has been ordered by his new editor to hit the road and find an amazing story. As ordered, Harry hits the road and, while driving through the country, he happens to pick up three little people (Jimmy Briscoe, Kevin Thompson, and Arturo Gil) who claim to be Romanian circus performers. Harry’s new friends inform him that the town he is approaching has been the site of several mysteries disappearances. It’s not humans disappearing, though. It’s cows!

Since Bobby’s new editor just happens to be Blackie in disguise, it’s not a surprise that the town is not just home to a bunch of cows but also the Nightmare Café. In fact, we learn that Harry is Frank’s favorite writer. Fay thinks that you can’t believe anything that you read in the tabloids, which is a pretty judgmental attitude to have when you’re working in an extra-dimensional café that can randomly materialize anywhere.

Anyway, while stopping in the café for cup of coffee, Harry comes up with the brilliant idea to fake a UFO invasion. He sends away for not only a fake flying saucer but also alien costumes that the Romanian circus performers agree to wear. Harry fakes his UFO invasion but it causes a complete panic in the town and soon, Sheriff Filcher (Don S. Davis, best-known for playing Major Briggs on Twin Peaks) and the townspeople are looking to lynch the invaders. Unfortunately, the Sheriff believes that the aliens are the folks working at the newly arrived Nightmare Café. Who can blame him, really? I mean, the place just showed up from out of nowhere!

As I said a few paragraphs ago, there’s nothing particularly serious about this episode of Nightmare Café. Almost every plot development is played for laughs and there’s really not a subtle moment to be found in the entire episode. We don’t really think of Wes Craven as being a comedic director, though all of his films displayed a certain subversive wit. Craven does well-enough with the comedy in this show, though one gets the feeling that, if the episode had been any longer than 45 minutes, all of the running around and yelling would have gotten a bit exhausting to watch. The comedy may be broad but everyone in the episodes — from Robert Englund to Don S. Davis — appears to be having fun and that goes a long way towards keeping things entertaining.

This episodes ends on a slightly different note than the other episodes of Nightmare Café. Each character gets a title card, which explains what happened to them after the episode ended. First, we learn about what has happened to the reporter, the circus performers, and the sheriff. Then, the final title card informs us that Frank and Fay are still working at the Nightmare Cafe and they hope we’ll stop by if we’re in the area. It’s a nice way to wrap up the series.

This was the final episode of Nightmare Café. It was a fun show to watch and review. Nightmare Café felt as if it was a bit before its time. The show’s anthology format and it’s horror-themed stories would have made it a natural fit for the streaming era. Unfortunately, it aired during the age of network television dominance and apparently, it never found an audience. It’s a shame, because Jack Coleman, Lindsay Frost, and Robert Englund really did make for an intriguing team.

Next week, I’ll be reviewing something new in this time slot. Who knows what it will be? Certainly not me! I have a few shows that I’m considering for Monday and Tuesday so we’ll see what happens.

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.9 “The Great McCarthy”

Posted on November 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week is all about boats!

Episode 1.9 “The Great McCarthy”

(Dir by Georg Stanford Brown, originally aired on November 16th, 1984)

The people behind Miami Vice really liked speedboats.

That’s the best explanation that I come up with for The Great McCarthy, an episode in which the majority of the running time is taken up by scenes of people racing boats. Even after Crockett, Tubbs, and Zito (John Diehl, getting to do more than usual) figure out how Louis McCarthy (William Gray Espy) is using his boats to smuggle drugs into Miami, their main concern remains winning the race that they’ve entered.

And there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. After a run a grim and dark episodes, The Great McCarthy was a nice change of pace, a reminder that it’s okay to have a little bit of fun. For the most part, this was a light and airy episode, featuring scenes of boats skimming across the ocean while Born To Be Wild plays on the soundtrack. This episode also featured a very 80s party scene and not one but two weaselly informants!

The first informant was Izzy Moreno (Martin Ferrero), a talkative thief who, it turned out, had done some work for Louis McCarthy. The second informant was Dale Gifford (Charles McCaughan), a crooked accountant who is helping to launder money for not just Louis but also Louis’s girlfriend, Vanessa (Maria McDonald). Izzy will apparently be returning in the future. Gifford will not as he ended up getting shot in the back of the head. Crockett and Tubbs originally assumed McCarthy was the killer but, as Izzy reveals towards the end of the episode, it was actually Vanessa.

By this time, of course, Vanessa has already moved on from McCarthy and is now sleeping with Tubbs. Crockett warns Tubbs that he’s getting in too deep with Vanessa but Tubbs replies that he’s got it all under control, almost as if he doesn’t remember that almost the exact same thing happened when they went down to the Bahamas to take out Calderone. When the police show up to arrest Vanessa, Tubbs insists on doing it himself. “I have to,” he tells her. He’s a cop, after all.

Okay, so that ending was a little bit downbeat but, for the most part, this was just a fun episode of Miami Vice, one that didn’t require too much thought and which kept the existential dread to a minimum. Probably the best scene in the episode didn’t even involve McCarthy or Vanessa but instead centered around Gina and Trudy arresting a philosophy professor who sold cocaine on the side. (The professor was played by Richard Liberty, who also appeared in George Romero’s The Crazies and Day of the Dead.) Gina and especially Trudy have been underused on this show so it was nice to finally see them getting to do their jobs and proving themselves to be just as effective as Tubbs and Crockett.

I do have to admit that I’m still kind of confused as to how Crockett is managing to maintain his cover as a criminal when almost every other petty criminal in Miami knows that he’s actually a cop. If Izzy could figure it out, why not Louis McCarthy? Perhaps McCarthy wasn’t so great after all.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 1.8 “Nothing To Fear”

Posted on November 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

On tonight’s episode …. hey, it’s Spike!

Episode 1.8 “Nothing to Fear”

(Dir by John Bertram, originally aired on March 8th, 1987)

This week’s episode of Degrassi Junior High is important because it’s the first to prominently feature the character of Christine Nelson. Played by Amanda Stepto, Christine was better known as Spike, because of the punk rock-inspired hairstyle that she wore throughout Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High. Even when she appeared with far more conventional hair on Degrassi: The Next Generation, she was still frequently referred to her by her nickname.

Fans of the Degrassi franchise know that Spike is destined to get pregnant after having sex with her ill-fated junior high boyfriend. They know that Spike is going to keep her daughter and that Emma Nelson is going to be the main character for the first few seasons of Degrassi: The Next Generation. And, of course, Spike is destined to eventually marry Snake. Most of that won’t happen for a while. On this week’s episode, she’s mostly present as a study partner of Voula’s (Niki Kemeny) and L.D.’s (Amanda Cook). When L.D.’s father has a heart attack, Spike and Voula visit him at the hospital but L.D. keeps finding excuses not to.

That may seem selfish on L.D.’s part but L.D. has been terrified of hospitals ever since her mother passed away. L.D. finds excuses not to go to the hospital, from cleaning the kitchen to helping out at her father’s garage. I knew exactly what L.D. was going through, as I’ve also hated hospitals ever since my mom passed away and it’s always a struggle for me to find the courage to step through the front doors of one of them. My Dad has been dealing with Parkinson’s for the past few years and I often do drive him to his doctor appointments so I’ve had to set aside my fear and dislike of them so that I can help him when he needs the help but my nerves still go into overdrive as soon as I step into one of those places.

Anyway, Voula does eventually talk to L.D. about her fear of going to the hospital and L.D. finally finds the courage to visit her father. She arrives just as he’s being released to go back home. So, for once, Voula actually helped someone out. I still think she’s been way too unfair to Stephanie during this season but I’m sure we’ll return to that story in an upcoming episode.

Meanwhile, Yick and Arthur accidentally set free the school snake and they have to spend the entire episode looking for it. It was a bit of silly subplot and I get the feeling that it was included to keep the episode from feeling too grim. That said, the snake silliness really didn’t seem to fit with the scenes of L.D. struggling to come to terms with losing her mother and potentially losing her father.

As the episode ends, L.D.’s father says, “If you think hospitals are scary, try being the father of a teenage daughter.” Apparently, not even a heart attack can defeat dad humor.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out 1.5 “Everyone’s A Winner”

Posted on November 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Bingo turns dangerous!

Episode 1.5 “Everyone’s A Winner”

(Dir by Gary Plaxton, originally aired on October 30th, 1985)

Jack Christian, the assistant manager of Cobb’s, has been assigned to oversee the store’s bingo promotion! He has handed out over 3,000 bingo cards to all of Cobb’s customers. Each day, a new number is drawn. The first person to get a bingo will win a free trip to …. GREECE!

Really, Greece? That seems kind of random, especially for a grocery store contest. It seems like it would be easier to just give the winner a discount or even a basket of free groceries. But no, the contest is for a free trip to Greece and everyone in Toronto is excited about it. However, when Murray the Stockboy takes a look at the bingo cards, he notices what everyone else has missed. All of the cards are identical. Apparently, in order to save some money, Christian gave the printing job not to the usual company that Cobb’s uses but instead to his cousin Lenny. And now, once the number 35 is called, 3,000 people will be demanding a free trip to Greece.

Well, that could be a problem.

Another problem is that, when two blind men shop in the store at the same time, the leashes of their service animals get tangled. Security guard Alf untangles the leashes but he gives the wrong dog to each man. The men don’t notice because they’re blind. That said, one of the dogs is considerably larger than the other and that really does seem like something that one should be able to sense, even without eyesight. The dogs lead each man to the wrong home. One man is injured when he falls in a pool. The other man has sex with first man’s wife three times. Now, both men want to sue Cobb’s! Howard’s genius solution is to give both men a shopping cart and telling them to fill it up for free. However, the two men’s dogs end up running through the store, knocking over the bingo machine, and causing the bingo balls to scatter all over the place.

Yay! For some reason, that means the bingo promotion is canceled and everyone totally accepts it because Canadians are nice people. Seriously, if they tried that in the States, the store would have burned to the ground….

Actually, one of the more interesting things about Check It Out! is that the show never specifically says that it’s taking place in Canada, even though it obviously is. Almost every member of the cast has a Canadian accent. All of the measurements make use of the metric system. And yet the show itself will often toss in random references to places and people in the U.S. For instance, Edna has a sister who lives in Florida. In this episode, Howard makes a reference to Ronald Reagan’s economic policies. One gets the feeling that the show’s producers hoped to fool Americans watching in syndication into thinking that this very Canadian show was actually taking place in the U.S. It reminds me a bit of how Italian actors and directors would often be credited with stereotypically “American” name in order to hide the fact that a film was an Italian production.

As for this week’s episode, Jeff Pustil’s portrayal of Christian’s growing desperation was amusing. Most of the episode’s jokes, however, fell flat. I’ve noticed that this show repeatedly uses the same joke structure. Someone will say something outrageous and then Howard will repeat it in a slightly shrill tone. It gets old after the 10tth times it happens. Admittedly, hhere was some potential to the story. (Check out The Office’s “Golden Ticket” episode for an example of this type of story done effectively.) But having everything resolved via a random case of Dues Ex Machina just felt like laziness on the part of the writers.

I guess the lesson here is that you’ll have to pay your own way to Greece.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/29/23 — 11/4/23

Posted on November 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, Horrorthon is over and I’m trying to get caught up on all the shows that I have waiting for me on the DVR and on all the streaming services. It’ll probably take a while for me to watch all of it but that’s okay. I always enjoy a good excuse to just sit on the couch for a few hours.

Here’s a few notes on what I watched this week!

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I can’t wait to get caught up on the latest season of The Amazing Race! I watched the latest episode on Wednesday and I’m glad that the team that got U-turned still managed to survive and make it to the pit stop in time. I’ve never been a fan of the U-turn and I always lose a little respect for teams that choose to use it. Of course, this season, it appears that the teams have not been given the option of opting out.

Big Brother 25 (24/7, CBS and Paramount Plus)

Yay! This season is nearly over. Seriously, this is one of the all-time worst seasons of a show that really has never been that good to begin with. I’ve been writing about Big Brother over at the Reality TV Chat Blog!

Check It Out (Tubi)

I watched the 5th episode of this Canadian sitcom earlier today. Unless I get too tired to write it up, my review should drop in a few more hours.

Dirty Pair Flash (YouTube)

I watched another episode of this anime on Friday night. I couldn’t really follow the plot but everyone had really neat hair and a lot of stuff blew up. It was stylish and fun in its own incoherent way.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

I used several episodes of Dr. Phil as background noise this week. I quickly got used to the sound of him yelling about being trained in forensics.

Friday the 13th (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Get Gotti (Netflix)

Get Gotti is a three-episode crime docudrama about the efforts to put mobster John Gotti in jail. It’s a story that I’ve heard before but John Gotti was an intriguing figure and the docuseries did a good job of contrasting Gotti’s flamboyant charisma with the somewhat more low-key people who spent years trying to put him in prison. New York in the 80s will always be a fascinating topic.

Gun (Tubi)

I wrote about Gun here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

Here, I wrote about Jennifer Slept Here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Nightmare Café (YouTube)

I wrote about the next-to-final episode of this series here!

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about Survivor here!

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Yes, Prime Minister (PBS, Monday Morning)

The second season started with Sir Humphrey getting rid of a troublesome cabinet secretary by tricking Jim into thinking the secretary was planning to launch a leadership challenge. What’s funny is that the secretary was viewed as being a threat because of his radical employment policies but, once he had been manipulated it resigning, Jim decided to continue the secretary’s plan and just take credit for it himself. No one won but it was very funny.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 2.18 “Whatever Happened To Arnold? Part One”

Posted on November 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we have the start of a two-part story!

Episode 2.18 “Whatever Happened to Arnold? Part One”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 3rd, 1977)

At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a skin diver. His name was Mike Nelson Kotter. One day, Mike was shocked to see a guy go down 40 feet without equipment. When Mike demanded to know what the guy was doing, the guy replied, “You jerk! I’m drowning!”

At school, Epstein amuses the Sweathogs by doing his Mr. Kotter impersonation.

Gabe walks in on Epstein’s routine but he’s not upset because it actually gives him the perfect excuse to tell the Sweathogs about the school drama festival. He needs some volunteers to appear in one scene from a play, which Gabe will direct.

“Acting is stupid,” Barbarino says, “Pretending to be somebody else.”

Horshack disagrees and shows off his acting skills by falling to his knees and declaring his love for Freddie. Freddie proceeds to do his Harry Belafonte impersonation which leads to Barbarino ripping his t-shirt and shouting, “Stella!” before Gabe then does his Vito Corleone impersonation and compliments Barbarino’s Marlon Brando.

“I was doing John Wayne,” Barbarino replies.

Realizing that Horshack actually is serious about wanting to act, Gabe offers to direct Horshack in a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac. Of course, Horshack’s co-star will be Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), who goes to Mr. Woodman to complain about having to work with a Sweathog, though she should be used to it by now as she ends up having to work with them every time that she appears on the show. Woodman tells Judy to do what he does and imagine that she’s a missionary and the Sweathogs are a bunch of cannibals preparing to eat her.

“Throw me into the pot! THROW ME INTO THE POT!” Woodman starts yelling.

Later, when Woodman sees Horshack in costume and carrying a sword, Woodman shouts that Kotter is “arming the Sweathogs!” before adding, “Call out the national guard!” Poor old Woodman.

Unfortunately, Gabe’s attempts to hold rehearsal are interrupted by Barbarino, Freddie, and Epstein, who all show up and proceed to heckle Horshack and Judy. First Judy storms off. That’s to be expected because that’s what Judy always does. But then Horshack gets angry, yells that he’s trying to do something good for all the Sweathogs, and storms off the stage.

The next day, there has still been no sign of Horshack. Freddie, Epstein, and Barbarino tell Gabe that they broke into Horshack’s house but didn’t see any sign of him or his family. With Horshack missing, that means someone is going to have to put on the fake noise and play Cyrano in his place.

“Stella!” Barbarino shouts.

Anyway, the day of the drama festival comes and Barbarino …. well, he’s not a very good Cyrano. He forgets his lines. He talks back to the audience. He and Judy argue in the middle of the scene. He dances while delivering the few lines that he does remember. He ends the scene by falling to his knees and screaming, “Stella!” But it doesn’t matter because he’s a young John Travolta and he’s absolutely adorable with his fake nose. The audiences loves him but Barbarino says that the moment feels hollow because this should have been Arnold’s moment.

“Where could he be?” Freddie asks.

“I don’t know,” Gabe says, “but I think the problem is something more serious than this play. But what?”

And, on that rather ominous note, this episode ends. Fear not, we’ll learn what happened to Horshack in the next episode. For now, let’s just remember that John Travolta did a very convincing Brando and a very amusing Cyrano. The entire cast of this show did a good job (and I especially enjoy John Sylvester White’s weekly descent into insanity) but episodes like this remind us of why John Travolta is the one who went on to become the biggest star.