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Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.24 “Dumb Luck/Tres Amigos/Hey, Jealous Lover”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

The week, the crew is surprisingly incompetent.

Episode 3.24 “Dumb Luck/Tres Amigos/Hey, Jealous Lover”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on March 15th, 1980)

The members of the crew really disappointed me this week.

For instance, Gertrude (Jayne Meadows) and Milton Benson (James Gregory) are on the cruise.  Gertrude is friendly and tries to talk to everyone.  Whenever Milton sees any man talking to his wife, he flies into a jealous rage and threatens them.  The crew reacts to this not by telling Milton to calm down but instead, by hiding whenever they see Milton or Gertrude on the boat.  They’re terrified of Milton and yet, somehow, members of the crew keep ending up in the cabin with Gertrude.

Finally, at the end of the cruise, Milton shows up at the captain’s cabin and …. OH MY GOD, HE’S GOT A GUN!  Goper, Doc, Isaac, and Stubing all end up diving to the floor.  Milton explains that he acts jealous because he wants his wife to still feel as if she’s as desirable as the day they first met.  He also says that he’s giving the gun to Stubing as a gift to thank him for the enjoyable cruise.

Later, as she prepares to leave the ship, Gertrude tells Gopher and Isaac that she knows that Milton can be jealous so she specifically dresses as drably as possible so that he won’t have to worry about any other men hitting on her.  In the name of love, she tries to look ugly and he acts like a homicidal lunatic.  Well, whatever works for them!  They seemed to be happy together.  Still, it must be said that the crew could have handled the whole situation better.  Hiding in hallways and under desks is not what I expect from an experienced group of sailors.

Meanwhile, Julie’s friend, Carol Ketay (Shelley Hack), is on the cruise.  Carol is a nuclear physicist and a member of a think tank.  Julie is worried that men are intimidated by Carol being too smart.  Julie also mentions that she’s never had that problem.  Julie takes Carol aside and tell her that she needs to learn how to “talk dumb” if she wants to get a man.  After borrowing a dress from Julie, Carol goes out of her way to sound like an idiot and she immediately catches the attention of Chris (Kevin Tighe).  Chris and Carol have a great time on the ship but Carol is shocked to learn that Chris doesn’t want to date her on dry land because he thinks she’s too dumb.  Carol reveals that she’s actually a nuclear physicist and they leave the boat arm-in-arm.  Good for them!  Julie really gave terrible advice but then again, I think she just wanted her friend to get laid.  She wasn’t really that concerned with Carol getting a long-term relationship.

Finally, Vicki gets to do something this cruise.  She befriends Keith (Ronnie Scribner), the young son of Alice (Jennifer Darling) and Floyd Gaines (John Gabriel).  While exploring the ship, Vicki and Keith meet a young stowaway named Luis (Tony Ramirez).  Though Vicki is not enthused about hiding a stowaway from her father, she still takes a blood oath and promises to protect Luis.  (This would be ground for Vicki being fired if she was actually a paid member of the crew as opposed to just someone who pretends tp have a job.)  As for Keith, he steals $200 from his parents and gives it to Luis.  His parents freak out when they can’t find the money and they accuse the crew of robbing them!  (The crew can’t even handle a jealous husband.  How are they going to steal $200?)  While searching for the money, Gopher and Julie discover Luis.

So, I guess Luis is going into the juvenile justice system, right?  No, not on The Love Boat!  Keith’s parents allow Luis to have the money and Stubing and Vicki pay for Luis’s ticket so Luis is no longer a stowaway.  This storyline was okay.  All of the kids were natural actors so things never got overly cutesy.  That said, I can’t help that notice that a lot of people have stowed away on the ship over the years.  Captain Stubing might want to talk to his crew about that.

Next week …. an agent of Child Protective Services takes a cruise.  Look out, Vicki!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.8 “Balancing Act”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, we discover how it all began!

Episode 1.8 “Balancing Act”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on November 18th, 1995)

The eighth episode of Baywatch Nights opens with Ryan and Garner on a stakeout.  It’s the middle of the day and they’re waiting for someone carrying an envelope full of evidence.  Mitch is nowhere to be seen, which actually makes sense.  I mean, Mitch is still working as a lifeguard.  Over the past seven episodes, I’ve often wondered how Mitch can work full-time as both a detective and a lifeguard captain.  This episode finally acknowledges that Mitch actually does have another job.

Garner and Ryan start talking about the first that they met and how they came to be partners in a detective firm.  It’s flashback time!  The flashbacks are to the show’s previously unaired pilot.  What’s funny is that, even though Garner is the one who is telling the story, the flashbacks are all narrated by Mitch.  I know that Garner and Mitch were extremely close friends during the early seasons of Baywatch but I didn’t realize they could actually hear each other’s thoughts.

Flashback Mitch explains that both he and Garner were wondering if there was anything more to life than their jobs.  Garner wanted to be more than just a beach cop.  Mitch was wondering if maybe there was something more out there than just being a lifeguard.  One day, when Mitch on vacation from his lifeguarding job, Mitch decided to accompany Garner to investigate a mysterious boat that had been showing up around the marina.  It was during the investigation that Mitch and Garner first met Ryan.  Ryan had paid $25,000 for a private detective agency in California, just to discover that the agency was not the high class operation that the previous owner, Nicky Pine (Philip Bruns), claimed it was.  However, before Ryan could confront him, Nicky was apparently killed by a group of criminals who wanted a valuable bracelet that Nicky owned.  Except the bracelet, which he gave to Ryan, was actually a fake and Nicky wasn’t actually dead and….

Ugh, this is complicated.  Seriously. I hate to admit that I couldn’t follow the plot of an episode of Baywatch Nights but this plot had so many nonsensical twists and turns that I pretty much gave up on trying to make sense of it all.  The important thing is that Garner got fed up with the police and quit, Mitch realized that he wanted to be a private eye, and Ryan got to be totally awesome as usual.  At one point, Ryan explained to Mitch that she was tough because she was from Dallas.  Woo hoo!  You tell him, Ryan!

Because this was a pilot, there were a few examples of early installment weirdness.  Troy Evans showed up as a police detective and one got the feeling that he was originally envisioned as being a recurring character.  Lisa Stahl’s Destiny was nowhere to be seen but there was a character named Andy (Linda Hoffman) was acted quite similarly to Destiny.  Even Nicky and his girlfriend, Rose (Jeanette O’Connor), seemed to be set up to become semi-regular characters.  Obviously, there was some retooling done after this pilot was produced.

Anyway, this episode’s plot is impossible to follow but the California scenery is lovely, which I think is the most that anyone could realistically demand from any show from the Baywatch universe.  Having now watched the pilot, I’m glad that the show went forward with just Mitch, Garner, and Ryan as regulars.  They’re a good team.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.7 “The Invisible Woman/The Snowbird”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 4.7 “The Invisible Woman/The Snowbird”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on December 6th, 1980)

This week’s trip to Fantasy Island is all about entertainers.

For instance, Ned Pringle (Douglas Barr) is not an entertainer but he wishes that he could be.  Instead, the handsome and athletic Ned is a popcorn salesman who works for a traveling circus.  He has a crush on a trapeze artist named Velda Ferrini (Pamela Sue Martin) but he feels that he won’t ever be able to talk her unless he too can become a trapeze-artist.

Mr. Roarke grants him his fantasy.  He hands Ned a magic pouch and has him climb up a magic ladder.  When Ned reaches the platform at the top, he suddenly discovers that he is now standing high above the ground.  Below him, the entire circus is waiting for him to audition.  Fortunately, as long as Ned has the pouch, there is nothing he can’t do.  He’s the world’s greatest acrobat and he is, of course, hired by the circus’s owner, Mr. Ferrini (Don Ameche).  Ferrini is the father of Velda and when he hires Ned, he does so under the condition that Ned not try to date his daughter.  Good luck with that, Ferrini!

Meanwhile, Velda’s older brother, Mario Ferrini (George Maharis), takes an interest in Ned’s career and he even starts to pressure Ned to attempt the same super dangerous quadruple summersault that led to Mario injuring his leg and having to drop out of the act.  Ned, however, realizes that Mario needs to do the summersault himself so that he can get back his confidence.  After a conversation with Mr. Roarke (who shows up swinging on the trapeze and wearing a white bodysuit!), Ned allows Mario to have the pouch.  Mario finally pulls off the quadruple summersault and he returns to the act.  Meanwhile, Ned realizes that he doesn’t have to be an acrobat to be worthy of Velda’s love and he instead becomes the circus’s new manager.

And good for all of them!  Ameche, Martin, Maharis, and Barr were all extremely likable in this story, though you do have to wonder what Maharis is going to do if he ever loses the magic pouch.  That said, the true stars of the story were the stunt crew.  It was pretty easy to spot everyone’s stunt double, which added to the fun of the story.  Ricardo Montalban’s stunt double, for instance, appeared to be about 20 years younger than him and blonde.

The episode’s other story deals with a veteran entertainer named Denny Palumbo (Dick Gautier).  Denny became a star doing a corny song-and-dance act with his wife, Trish (Neile Adams).  However, Denny and Trish got a divorce and their act broke up.  Denny is now engaged to Harriet (Elaine Joyce) and he is putting together a new act with two new dancers.  Trish’s fantasy is to become invisible so that she can make sure that Denny isn’t cheating on her.

“Boss!” Tattoo says, “Can you do that!?”

“It remains to be seen,” Roarke replies.

(Oh hey, I just got that!)

Just as Roarke gave Ned a magic pouch, he gives Harriet a magic potion that grants temporary invisibility.  When Harriet turns invisible, her clothes can still be seen and appear to be floating in mid-air.  This leads to her (in her invisible state) undressing in front of Tattoo and Roarke.  Tattoo’s eyes get especially wide as everything from Harriet’s dress to her underwear hits the floor.  In fact, Tattoo gets so distracted that Roarke snaps, “Tattoo!”

(Later, Tattoo deduces that Roarke can still see Harriet, even after she’s taken the potion and removed her clothes.  “Boss!” Tattoo gaps.  I’m a bit shocked, myself.  Mr. Roarke has always been such a gentleman in the past that I find it hard to believe that he would not have stepped out of the room or, at the very least, turned his back while Harriet undressed.)

Being invisible allows Harriet to spy on Denny.  It turns out that Denny is not cheating on her but invisible Harriet still deliberately ruins his rehearsal and causes the new dancers to quit.  Needing a partner, Denny turns to Trish, which upsets Harriet even though Harriet was the one who was secretly responsible for inspiring the other two dancers to quit in the first place.  Eventually, Harriet realizes that Denny and Trish are meant to be together but that’s okay because she also realizes that she’s meant to be with Denny’s manager, Monty (Sonny Bono, who apparently spent the early 80s living off whatever money he made from appearing on shows like The Love Boat and Fantasy Island).

This story suffered from the fact that all of Harriet’s problems could have been solved by Harriet not acting like an idiot.  As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, I am not a fan of the idiot plot.  Sonny Bono was likable as Monty but Denny and Harriet were so broadly drawn and performed that I mostly just wanted to Monty to totally get away from both of them.

This week’s trip to Fantasy Island was just silly.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.8 “Green Thumb Burglar”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This is such a weird episode.

Episode 1.8 “Green Thumb Burglar”

(Dir by Christian I. Nyby II, originally aired on November 10th, 1977)

This week’s episode is an odd one, largely because it all hinges on the usually uptight Sgt. Getraer suddenly revealing himself to be a fanatic about plants.

When Ponch and Baker roll up to headquarters while on their motorcycles, Getraer is so busy talking to some potted plants that he has set up outside the station that he almost forgets to yell at Ponch.  Getraer is really into taking care of plants and he’s not happy to learn that there is a criminal gang lurking on the highways and stealing plants.  Getraer says that he’s upset because of how much taxpayer money is being wasted due to the thievery but it’s pretty obvious that Getraer is actually taking the robberies personally as a plant lover.

Baker suggests that maybe the plants are being stolen by people who are disguised as city employees.  To me, that seems like a pretty obvious possibility but both Ponch and Getraer are amazed by Baker’s suggestion.  Crooks disguising themselves so that they can commit a crime without anyone calling the police on them?  Seriously, who would have guessed!?  Both Ponch and Getraer are so impressed that they each initially take credit for Baker’s idea.  Baker is quick to let everyone know that he’s the one that figured out the extremely obvious way that the criminals were operating.

And have no fear!  The Green Thumb Bandits are caught by the end of the show.  In fact, they are captured as soon as Baker comes up with his extremely obvious idea.  As is typical of CHiPs, the episode focuses on the cops pursuing the crooks and, as a result, we don’t really learn much about the crooks.  Personally, I would like to know how they came up with the ideas to steal plants.

This is a weird episode, even beyond Getraer’s obsession with plants.  At one point, Ponch and Baker pull over a guy wearing a fuzzy, yellow monster costume.  “It’s PuffnStuff!” Ponch exclaims.  A quick Google search revealed to me that PuffnStuff was apparently a children’s show character in the 70s.  Ponch is really excited to see him but I have to wonder if the actor who played PuffnStuff would actually wear the costume while driving.  PuffnStuff does say that he’s heading to a photo shoot but still, why not put the costume on when he arrives?

(Baker, for his part, does not own a TV and has no idea who PuffnStuff is.)

Finally, Ponch and Baker pull over two middle-aged twins for running a stop sign.  The twins explain that they are the world-famous Tidwell Twins and that they can see the future.  After Ponch laughs at their claim, one of the twins explains that Ponch will have four bad things happen to him.  One will involve a sharp object.  One will involve an authority figure.  One will involve a fire.  (Agck!)  One will involve a romantic disaster.  By the end of the episode, Ponch will have cut his hand on a can of beans, gotten yelled at by Getraer, gotten covered in fire-extinguishing foam, and dumped by his latest girlfriend.  Ponch has the worst luck but at least he got to meet PuffnStuff!

This was a weird episode.  As always, the California scenery was nice to look at and the motorcycles were cool.  But the plot was just all over the place.  At least Robert Pine got to do something other than just yell at Ponch.  He seems to be having fun portraying Getraer’s plant-obsessed gentle side.

Next week …. Ponch takes up bowling?  That’s what the plot description says.  Maybe meeting PuffnStuff inspired Ponch to follow his bowling dreams.  We’ll find out soon!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.16 “Rites of Passage”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Pam Grier and John Turturro show up in Miami!

Episode 1.16 “Rites of Passage”

(Dir by David Anspaugh, originally aired on February 8th, 1985)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice opens with a 5-minute mini-movie.  Before we even get to the opening credits, we have watched as young and innocent Diane Gordon (Terry Ferman) arrives in Miami from New York, takes her first walk on a Florida beach, has a “chance” meeting with a smooth-talking guy named Lile (David Thornton), and ends up at a party being held at a mansion belonging to David Traynor (a young John Turturro).  Traynor tells Diane that he runs a modeling agency and that he would love to put her under contract.

It’s a stylish and rather brave opening.  For five minutes, we don’t see or even hear about any of the regular characters.  Instead, we’re introduced to world where image is everything, from the bodies on the beach to Traynor’s art deco mansion to the beautiful women who have been paid for by considerably less attractive men.  In those five minutes, Diane wins our sympathy and we also see how she (and so many others) have fallen into the trap set by the David Traynors of the world.  For those five minutes, we are reminded that this is a show about more than Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs.  It’s about more than even Miami.  This is a show about America.

After the opening credits, we watch as the police retrieve the body of one of Traynor’s girls from a lagoon.  She committed suicide.  In the crowd watching is Diane’s sister, Valerie (played by the legendary Pam Grier).  Valerie is a New York cop.  When she goes to the Vice Squad to ask for Castillio’s help in searching for her sister, we learn that she is also Tubbs’s former (and soon current) lover.

In many ways, the rest of this episode is traditional Miami Vice.  Zito and Switek provide some comic relief when they disguise themselves as exterminators and invade one of Traynor’s parties.  Crockett and Tubbs once again go undercover as Burnett and Cooper, infiltrating Traynor’s mansion so that they can rescue Diane.  Diane has been so brainwashed by Traynor and Lile that, even after she’s been reunited with her sister, she still can’t bring herself to admit that Traynor was using her.  She calls Traynor and tells him that she’s decided to go back to New York City.  In a montage that is rather creepily scored to Foreigner’s I Want To Know What Love Is, scenes of Valerie and Tubbs making love are mixed with scenes of Lile giving Diane an intentional drug overdose.

Technically, this is a Tubbs episode.  For once, of the two main detectives, Tubbs is the one who has a personal reason for wanting to take Traynor down while it falls to Crockett to deal with Castillo’s withering stare of concern.  That said, Rites of Passage is Pam Grier’s show all the way.  From the minute that Grier shows up, she controls every scene in which she appears.  Just as in Coffy, Grier plays an avenging angel.  This episode ends, as Miami Vice often did, with a shoot out but this time, it’s Grier who guns down Lile and Traynor.  “Read me my rights,” Valerie says to Crockett as the episode ends.

Again, the storyline may have been typical Vice but the performance of Pam Grier and the stylish direction of David Anspaugh elevated the episode.  This episode presents Miami as being beautiful but heartless, a place where innocents come to pursue the American dream but instead find themselves being used and abused by sleazy but wealthy men.  (At one point, it is mentioned that Traynor specializes in finding women for diplomats, meaning that most of his clients have diplomatic immunity.)  Traynor’s mansion is a brilliant combination of the sleek and the tacky and Turturro plays Traynor as being a not particularly clever man who has gotten rich because he understands that everyone ultimately driven by the same desire for power and pleasure without consequences.

Next week …. it’s another Tubbs episode!  Can Tubbs defuse a hostage situation, despite not having an ex-lover around to help him?  We’ll find out!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/24/23 — 12/30/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy holidays!  I’ve been visiting my sister Megan this week.  Unfortunately, I’ve also been dealing with a cold this week.  As a result, I’ve spent a lot of time in my sister’s guest room, getting caught up on all the daytime dramas!

Here’s some thoughts on what I watched:

All You Need Is Love (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday night, I watched an episode of this documentary series about the history of American music.  The episode dealt with the birth and popularity of jazz.  It featured a lot of very good music.  It also featured an interview with Hoagy Carmichael, who Ian Fleming often claimed James Bond was meant to physically resemble.

The Bold and the Beautiful (Weekday afternoons, NBC)

This week, I got caught up with this wonderfully over-the-top daytime drama.  I think it had been over a year since I last watched an episode of The Bold and the Beautiful so it was nice to see that everyone was still bold and still beautiful.

California Dreams (DVD)

Megan and I watched a few episodes of California Dreams throughout the week.  Megan agreed that I basically am like the red-headed version of Lorena Costa.

Days of Our Lives (Weekdays, Peacock)

Days of our Lives is on Peacock now.  Just as with The Bold and the Beautiful, it had been a while since I watched this show.  I watched several episodes this week but I’d be lying if I said I paid too much attention.  That said, the show was a nice distraction for when I was feeling ill.

Dr. Death (Peacock)

My sister Megan and I binged the second season of this show on Monday and Tuesday.  It was an interesting story, even if it wasn’t quite as strong as the first season.  I love Mandy Moore but she was a bit miscast as a tough New York journalist.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

I watched a few episodes of Dr. Phil this week but I mostly just used them for background noise. I did make sure to pay attention to the episodes about the girl who was convinced that she was pregnant with Jesus.

The Garden: Commune or Cult?  (Max)

Megan and I binged this show on Wednesday night.  Personally, I think The Garden is more of a commune than a cult but mostly it’s just a place full of really annoying people.  Living off the grid has some appeal when it comes to not paying taxes but I’m just not a fan of living off the land.  I guess my ideal living situation would be to live in the city but not have to pay for anything.

 General Hospital (Weekday Afternoons, ABC)

It kind of bothers me that this show has scenes that take place outside of the hospital.

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

I wrote about the final episode of Jennifer Slept Here …. here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Murder In Boston: Roots, Rampage, and Reckoning (Max)

Megan and I watched this last night.  This three-part docudrama dealt with a murder that occurred in Boston in the 80s.  The same story served as the basis for a movie that I reviewed back in October.  It’s an interesting story, though the docuseries was more interested in the cultural context of the crime than the crime itself.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode on Friday about 80s cover tunes.

The Office (Sunday Morning, Comedy Central)

I watched two Christmas episodes on Sunday.  One was the Benihana Christmas episode from the Steve Carell years.  The other episode was from the post-Carell era.  The differences in quality were dramatic.  That show really went downhill after Steve Carell left.

Saved By The Bell (DVD)

Megan and I watched a few episodes of Saved By The Bell over the week.  We hit all the classics, No Hope With Dope, the episodes where Kelly dumped Zach for Jeff, the episode where Jessie got hooked on caffeine pills, and the rockumentary.

The Simpsons (Monday Morning, TBS)

I watched two Christmas episodes on Monday.  Fortunately, they both featured Kelsey Grammer as Sideshow Bob because both of them would have been pretty dire without his ability to turn even the lamest of lines into comedic gold.  One episode featured Bart getting lost in an underground missile silo.  The other featured Bob taking a job as a Santa’s Village Santa and helping to expose Mr. Burns as the person who stealing the town’s Christmas presents.  Both episodes were oddly mean-spirited at times, as if the show’s writers were trying to impress the Family Guy crowd.

T and T (Tubi)

Next week, I’ll be reviewing the episode that I watched this week.

Twilight Zone (SyFy)

Today, I’ve enjoyed several episodes of SyFy’s annual New Year’s Twilight Zone marathon.  This is one of those traditions that I hope never goes away.

The Young and the Restless (Weekday afternoons, NBC)

I’m happy to say that everyone is still restless, even if they’re not quite young.

Retro Television Reviews Will Return On January 1st!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone!

Typically, this is when I would post my weekly review of the old TV show, T and T.  However, our Retro Television Reviews feature is taking a break for the holiday weekend but it will return on January 1st!

Starting January 1st, our review schedule will be:

Monday — Miami Vice/CHiPs

Tuesday — Fantasy Island/Baywatch Nights

Wednesday — The Love Boat/Monsters

Thursday — ????/Highway to Heaven

Friday — T and T/Friday the 13th: The Series

Saturday — Welcome Back Kotter/Check It Out

Sunday — Weekly Made-For-TV Movie/Degrassi Junior High

Do you have a suggestion for what show should take over our open Thursday slot?  Let me know in the comments!

Have a great New Year!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.14 “Plane Death”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark enlist in the War on Drugs.

Episode 1.14 “Plane Death”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on January 9th, 1985)

In a small town in California, a man named Charlie Down (Robert Ford) drives his big family car down an isolated car.  One thing that that is immediately noticeable is that Charlie has a gigantic pair of fuzzy dice hanging from his rearview mirror.  That’s rarely a good sign.  The other thing that is immediately noticeable is that a remote control airplane is flying over the landscape.  As the audience will soon learn, the people in this town are obsessed with remote control airplanes.  That’s because drug dealer Jack Harm (Michael Bowen), the son of the local sheriff, is using the airplanes to smuggle cocaine.  When one of the planes crashes, Charlie rushes out to it and grabs the cocaine for himself.  He is pursued by Jack and his gang.  Charlie runs away from them.  An off-screen gunshot is heard.

What Jack doesn’t know is that the man that he murdered is an old friend of Mark Gordon’s (Victor French).  For the past few months, Mark has been on the road with angel Jonathan Smith (Michael Landon).  They’ve been taking care of people all over America.  But right now, they are between assignments.  They show up in town so that Mark can see his friend but, shortly after arriving, Mark is informed that Charlie has gone missing.  It doesn’t take Mark long to figure out what happened.  He announces that he’s going to get revenge, “just like in the Bible, eye for an eye.”

Fortunately, Jonathan is there to keep Mark from doing something that he might regret.  Before Mark can drive down to the local bar, Jonathan arranges for the police and the FBI to show up and take Jack and his gang into custody.  Jack’s father can only watch in disappointment as his son is taken off to prison.  When Mark thanks Jonathan for keeping him from making a mistake, Jonathan replies that he’s sure Mark would have stopped himself from killing anyone.  Mark says that he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself and Victor French’s delivery of the line is so somber and serious that there’s little doubt he was prepared to kill everyone in town.

At Charlie’s funeral, his young son (played by David Faustino) announces that he’s going to become a cop so that no other kids have to feel as bad as he feel right now.  Jonathan says that Charlie would be proud to hear that.  Mark asks Jonathan if the country is ever going to be able to win the war on drugs.

“If they don’t,” Jonathan replies, “they’re may not be a country to worry about.”

Yikes!  Setting aside the ultimate futility of the War on Drugs (which far too often became a war on addicts as opposed to war on the people making money off of them), this episode was actually pretty well-done.  Mark’s intense anger was perfectly portrayed, making him a bit frightening even if you understood his desire for revenge.  Michael Bowen’s superficially friendly psychopath was easy to dislike.  This was one of those episodes where the viewer appreciates the sincerity of the show’s emotions even if the legacy of the War on Drugs has ultimately been one of failure.

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.13 “Take Jennifer, Please”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Today, we finish up Jennifer Slept Here!

Episode 1.13 “Take Jennifer, Please”

(Dir by Charles S. Dubin, originally aired on May 12th, 1984)

The final episode of Jennifer Slept Here opens with Joey in a panic.  His family is confused as to why Joey constantly appears to be talking to himself.  Both his bratty sister and his best friend have developed a habit of breaking into his room so that they can read his diary, which is full of his thoughts concerning Jennifer.  His father is concerned that Joey is having a breakdown.  His mother continues to insist that it’s just a phase.

And Joey thinks that they might be right.  He’s suddenly no longer 100% sure that Jennifer is real.  Maybe he is just seeing things.  Maybe he is losing his mind.  Maybe….

Maybe this doesn’t make any sense from a continuity point of view because it goes against everything that we’ve see over the past 12 episodes. Joey and Jennifer have been hanging out together for a very long time.  Jennifer has repeatedly helped Joey out.  On one occasion, Jennifer’s help even involved making herself visible to the other members of the household.  Joey has watched Jennifer possess people in the house.  Joey has experienced a fake exorcist putting Jennifer in a jar.  Joey has met other ghosts!  Just last week, his tutor turned out to be a ghost who had been sent to take Jennifer’s place.  Judging from the previous episodes, it would seem that Joey got over his doubts a long time ago and, for that matter, his family now seems to be used to him talking to himself.

I have a theory.  I have no proof for this theory.  This is based on my own gut feeling as someone who has watched and read about the production of a lot of old TV shows.  You’ll notice that this episode was not directed by the show’s usual director, John Bowab.  Instead, it was directed by Charles S. Dubin, who also directed the pilot.  Here’s my guess.  This episode was probably meant to air much earlier in the season.  It wouldn’t surprise me if maybe it was meant to be the second episode or if maybe the pilot was even originally meant to be an hour-long special, with this episode serving as the second half.  (I mean, the neurotic Joey in this episode has a lot more in common with the Joey of the pilot than the Joey of the rest of the series.)  For whatever reason, though, this episode did not air when it was originally meant to.  I’m going to guess this episode sat in limbo for a while and then the network decided to use it to close out the season, despite the fact that the previous episode felt more like a season finale than this one does.  That’s my theory, take it or leave it.

(Also, as support of this theory, I would point out that this episode features Jennifer telling Joey the story of how she died, which seems like something she would have mentioned when they were still getting to know each other.  Joey’s little sister appears to be significantly younger than she did in the previous few episodes.  And, finally, George is just as negative in his comments about Jennifer’s love life as he was in the pilot.  This was initially one of George’s least appealing traits and it was one that was largely abandoned about the first two episodes.)

As for the episode itself, Joey is desperate for Jennifer to prove to him that she’s real and not a figment of his imagination.  So, Jennifer tells Joey that, before she died, she sent a note to Joey’s father explaining that she hadn’t written a will.  That note is sitting in a vault in George’s office and no one has ever seen it.  Jennifer and Joey break into the vault and retrieve the letter.  Not only does this prove to Joey that Jennifer exists but it also gives Joey a chance to help out his father, who has been having to deal with all sorts of people coming out of the woodwork and claiming to be the beneficiary of Jennifer’s estate.  It also provides an excuse for the invisible Jennifer to humiliate a nosy security guard by dousing him in liquor and causing his pants to fall off.

If you can look past the continuity issues, this is actually a funny episode.  This show was always at its best when Jennifer was allowed to be mischievous force of chaos and that’s certainly the case here.  I will admit that I laughed when Joey ordered Jennifer to prove her existence by shaking the breakfast table, just for Jennifer to discover that shaking a table is not as easy as it looks.  Jennifer cracking the safe at the office was also amusing, mostly because Jennifer was obviously having a lot of fun committing a felony.  Of course, when the security guard does show up, Joey’s the one at risk for being arrested for a felony.

Overall, Jennifer Slept Here was not a bad show.  Having now watched all 13 episodes, I can say that this show may have been uneven but it had more hits than misses.  Though the supporting characters never really had much personality and the writers never seemed to set any definite rules as to what Jennifer could and couldn’t do as a ghost, the chemistry between Ann Jillian and John P. Navin, Jr. kept things lively and Jillian had a talent for delivering sardonic one-liners.  This show was cancelled after 13 episodes and that may be for the best because there’s only so many “safe-for-network-TV” storylines that a show about a ghost and a teenager can really explore.  Still, Jennifer Slept Here definitely had a lot of charm to it.

Next week …. I’ll be reviewing something else!  What will it be?  I have no idea but it will be something.  Check here next Thursday to find out what I found!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.13 “Glim-Glim”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, humanity screws everything up.

Episode 1.13 “Glim-Glim”

(Dir by Peter Stein, originally aired on February 4th, 1989)

This is Glim-Glim.

Glim-Glim was flying his spaceship over Earth when he lost control and crash-landed in a small town in the Midwest.  Within a week of Glim-Glim’s arrival, almost everyone in the town was dead as the result of a terrible virus, a disease to which Glim-Glim had immunity but most humans did not.  Glim-Glim set up a force field around the town in order to keep the virus from escaping and killing any more humans.  Unfortunately, the force field can only stay powered for so long.  Setting himself up in the local library, Glim-Glim is doing research and looking for a cure.

The cure might be found in the blood of the only three townspeople who haven’t died, Carl (Brian Fitzpatrick), Carl’s unnamed friend (Mark Hofmaier), and the friend’s daughter, Amy (Jenna Van Oy).  The survivors have also set themselves up in the library.  Unfortunately, only Amy understands that Glim-Glim has come in peace and wants to save humanity.  Her father and Carl, on the other hand, are determined to track down Glim-Glim and destroy him.

Oh, humanity!  We really are our own worst enemy, aren’t we?  At least, that’s the theme of this week’s episode of Monsters, in which Carl and his friend are so determined to kill the invader that they don’t realize that they are risking the future of the entire human race.  While the rest of the world celebrates Christmas and has no idea that extinction is looming, Carl and Amy’s Dad stalk the one creature who can save the world.  Glim-Glim sadly writes in his journal that he won’t be able to live with himself if he’s responsible for wiping out the world’s population.  Only Amy understands that Glim-Glim is good but no one will listen to her because she’s young.

This episode had a definite Twilight Zone feel, with its message that the greatest threat to humanity comes not from outer space but instead from humanity itself.  That said, I can kind of understand why Carl and his friend are so quick to assume the worst about Glim-Glim.  They’ve just watched everyone they know die a horrible death and all they know is that it happened as the result of an alien visitor.  Because there’s a language barrier, there’s no way for Glim-Glim to explain himself and Carl assumes the worst because he’s just been through an extremely traumatic experience.  The episode ends on a dark note, one that practically begs for Rod Serling to pop up and remind us that a lesson learned too late is not much help.

Despite the fact that Glim-Glim looked kind of silly, this was an effective and atmospheric episode.  It was a bit heavy-handed but, with barely 22 minutes available to tell a story about an alien invasion and the possible destruction of the human race, that’s to be expected.  All extraterrestrials should be as kind-hearted as Glim-Glim.