Tag Archives: TV

Scenes That I Love: Audrey Horne’s Dance In Twin Peaks

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to Sherilyn Fenn, the actress who brought to life one of the best characters in television history, Twin Peaks‘s Audrey Horne.  As played by Fenn, Audrey may have been a force of chaos but she was also fiercely intelligent, ruthlessly determined, occasionally very naive, and always unapologetically impulsive.  For those of us with ADHD, Audrey is a character to whom we can very much relate.

The scene that first made Audrey (and Fenn) famous occurred during the second episode of Twin Peaks.  Here is Audrey’s dance.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.18 “The Match Game”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

Agck!  The monsters are going to get me for being so late in posting this review!

Episode 1.18 “The Match Game”

(Dir by Michael Brandon, originally aired on April 15th, 1989)

So, if you’ve ever wanted to see Tori Spelling’s head literally get squeezed into nothingness, this is the episode for you.

Spelling plays Beverly, a teenage girl who enjoys breaking into old houses and playing the match game.  That’s the game where you and your friends sit in a circle and a match is passed from person to person.  The person holding the match tells a story until their flame dies.  Then the next person continues the story until their match dies.  The whole idea is to see just how grotesque things can get by the time the story finally ends.  I played a variation of the game when I was in high school.  Admittedly, my friends and I did it in our creative writing teacher’s classroom and we used an hourglass instead of a match and our stories usually turned pretty perverse by the time the third person got their chance to contribute.

Tori Spelling is not the only familiar face to be found here.  Her boyfriend is played by Sasha Jenson, who will forever be known as Dazed and Confused‘s Don Dawson.  Spelling’s best friend is played by Ashley Laurence, who was the lead in the first Hellraiser.  Spelling is not the only well-known actor here but she is the only one to give an amazingly bad performance.  That’s not a surprise, of course.  Spelling has never been a particularly good actress and she did this episode around the same time that she was playing Screech’s girlfriend on Saved By The Bell.  Credit where credit is due, she is better here than she was on Saved By The Bell.

When Paul (Byron Thames), the newcomer to the group, gets his chance to hold the match, it doesn’t go out until he’s gone into great detail about Hubert Waverly, the horribly deformed man who once lived in the house where the group is playing their game.  This brings Hubert to life.  Jenson and Spelling are taken out quickly.  Finally, it occurs to the two survivors that Paul can vanquish Hubert by finishing the story.  That’s good and all but the episode never really explains why Paul’s match didn’t go out the first time.  How did he know about Hubert?  Did Hubert spring from Paul’s mind?  These are important questions that the show just kind of pushes to the side.

Oh well!  This is still an atmospheric episode and probably as close as this show has gotten to being scary since that episode about the makeup box.  Even Tori Spelling’s bad performance felt oddly appropriate for what was essentially a 30-minute 80s slasher film.  I enjoyed this episode so much that I might even go find that old box of matches that we keep out in the garage….

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.28 “No Girls for Doc/Marriage of Convenience/The Caller/The Witness”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the third season of The Love Boat comes to a conclusion with an extra-long episode!

Episode 3.28 “No Girls for Doc/Marriage of Convenience/The Caller/The Witness”

(Dir by Gordon Farr and Richard Kinon, originally aired on May 3rd, 1980)

The finale of The Love Boat‘s third season features stage legend and two-time Oscar winner, Helen Hayes.  Hayes was considered to be such a big “get” for the show that she receives the zoom lens treatment when she steps onto the ship and all of the action seems to stop for a few minutes, presumably so the audience at home can give her a standing ovation.

Personally, I think Helen Hayes was pretty cool.  Along with being a hell of an actress (one whose career extended for over six decades), she was also the wife of Charles MacArthur, an acquaintance of the Algonquin round table, an outspoken Republican, a strong supporter of many charities, and a major benefactor of the Helen Hayes Hospital, a rehabilitation clinic in New York that has made major strides in treating physical disabilities.  To say that there are people in the world who can walk because of Helen Hayes is not hyperbole.

That said, Helen Hayes’s story is the dullest one on this cruise.  It’s not Hayes’s fault.  She is her usual outspoken and likable self.  It’s just the storyline itself doesn’t offer up much in the way of drama or comedy.  Hayes plays Agatha Winslow, a widow who was married to a friend of Stubing’s.  Stubing asks Julie to set Agatha up with someone but then they see Agatha hugging a younger man and Julie says that it won’t be necessary.

AGCK!  I HOPE NOT!  The younger man is played Helen Hayes’s son, James MacArthur!

No worries.  MacArthur is playing Scott Burgess, who is Agatha’s nephew.  Scott is a member of the protestant clergy who has never married because he feels that he has to take care of Agatha.  Scott and Beatrice Dale (Mildred Natwick) hope that Agatha will fall in love with and marry Beatrice’s brother, a businessman named Hollister (Maurice Evans).  Hollister owns a carpet company and he spends most of the episode look down at and commenting on the quality of the ship’s floor.  Agatha does not marry Hollister but she does realize that it’s time for her to move on and live her own life.  It’s all very pleasant but not very extremely interesting.

Far more interesting is the story of Gail Padgett (Christopher Norris), a woman who is boarding the ship because she needs to get away from her landline phone.  As she explains to Julie, someone has been calling and harassing her for months.  At no point does Julie suggest what I would suggest, which is that Gail should call the cops.  Indeed, when Gail starts to get calls on the boat, Julie never suggests calling the police or going to the captain or anything else.  Instead, Gail tells her stalker that she’ll meet him at the Pirate’s Cove Bar.  She tells Julie that she has a plan to humiliate him.  And again, you would think Julie might say, “How about we just arrest him when he comes in the bar?”  But instead, Julie smiles.  It’s the Love Boat!  No one is murdered on The Love Boat!  (Not yet, anyway.)

Gail’s stalker is a nerdy fellow named Melvin, who is played by a young Martin Short.  Before Melvin can arrive, Gail is approached by Jack Stander (Larry Breeding).  “Hi, I’m Robert Redford,” Jack says before admitting that he’s not Robert Redford and that he spent hours coming up with that opening line.  Thinking that Jack is her stalker, Gail takes Jack to her cabin where she get him to undress and then tosses all of his clothes out the porthole.  So now, Gail has not only flirted with and then stood up her stalker but she’s also committed theft.  WAY TO GO, GAIL!

Anyway, Gail eventually realizes that Jack is not her stalker and they fall in love.  Melvin is eventually revealed to be the caller but everyone laughs it off because he’s so nerdy.  (Because we all know how harmless nerdy stalkers are….)  This was a really weird story but, despite the stupidity of their characters, Christopher Norris and Larry Breeding made for a cute, likably vapid couple.

Maybe Gail should have gone to Wayne Dobson (Larry Wilcox) for help.  Wayne is an uptight assistant D.A. who has spent the last two months in a hotel room with Pat Bigelow (Catherine Bach), a witness to a crime who is in protective custody.  Even when Pat boards the cruise, Wayne has to come with her and stay in an adjoining cabin.  Pat is annoyed but she understand that Wayne is just doing his job. 

However, Wayne has fallen in love with Pat and he is upset to receive a telegram saying that the crooks have decided to plead guilty and that Pat can be released from protective custody.  Isaac, who was perhaps a bit too excited when he earlier thought Wayne was a male gigolo who was being paid to escort Pat, suggests that Wayne just lie and not let Pat know that her life is no longer in danger.  Wayne agrees and Isaac takes Wayne off to give him a makeover that will be so impressive that Pat will fall in love with him and reject notorious Love Boat lothario Mark Bridges (John McCook).

(Of course, any relationship that Wayne and Pat could ever have would be built on lies but whatever….)

Pat does fall for Wayne, though less because of the makeover and more because Wayne finally stops being so uptight.  She’s a bit miffed when she finds out that Wayne has been lying to her but she forgives him easily because this is The Love Boat.

Finally, after a night of skinny dipping leads to him losing his clothes and money, Doc announces that he’s through with women.  (And again, it doesn’t seem to occur to anyone that maybe Doc should call the police.)  That should be a relief to the crew because Doc really is a lawsuit waiting to happen.  Instead, they takes bets on how long it will take Doc to go back on his word.  It doesn’t take long.  Any story that centered around Doc being a Casanova just felt silly.  Bernie Kopell was likable as Doc but he was also a bit too naturally mild-mannered to be believable as a legendary lothario.

And so ends the third season of The Love Boat.  Vicki is now firmly a member of the crew.  Julie has given up on finding love.  Isaac and Gopher are as silly as ever.  And Doc is going to get the cruise line sued.  The 90-minute finale was a bit overextended and had some weak story elements but, overall, the third season was a lot of fun.  

Next week …. SEASON 4!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.12 “Thin Blood”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

You guys know the drill.  Thanks to the Vicodin I took earlier, I spent Tuesday in a bit of a daze.  So, I’m running late with my review of Baywatch Nights.  Fear not!  Here it is:

Episode 1.12 “Thin Blood”

(Dir by Georg Fenady, originally aired on February 10th, 1996)

Ryan’s sister has come to Los Angeles!

Charlie McBride (Laura Harring) claims that she’s just in town to see her sister but Ryan has her doubts.  Charlie has always been the irresponsible member of the family and Ryan can only watch helplessly as Charlie and Mitch pursue a tentative romance.  Since this is a Baywatch spin-off, that means that Charlie and Mitch spend a lot of time on jet skis.  It’s not true love unless you get on the jet skis.  Charlie also takes the time reveal that Ryan could have been a model and a pageant winner if she hadn’t abandoned everything to be a private eye.  To that, I say, “Well, yeah.  She’s Angie Harmon.”

However, it turns out that Ryan was correct.  Some New York criminals are in town, searching for the money that they claim Charlie stole from them.  They’re even willing to kidnap Ryan and hold her hostage until they get their money back.  Once again, it’s up to Mitch and Garner to do their thing and rescue Ryan.  Interestingly enough, they manage to do so pretty easily.  This is one of those episodes where the bad guys are so incompetent that they are pretty much doomed from the start.  David Hasselhoff may have captured them but Billy Warlock and Erika Eleniak probably could have done the job just as easily.  Hell, I bet Parker Stevenson could have done it.  Maybe even Kelly Ward.

Anyway, the emphasis here is on Ryan and her feelings of resentment towards her sister and her feelings for Mitch.  Though it was pretty much abandoned once the show became an X-Files rip-off during the second season, the first season of Baywatch Nights really tried to play up the will they or won’t they aspect of Ryan and Mitch’s relationship.  There really wasn’t much suspense about that.  Angie Harmon and David Hasselhoff had a likable chemistry but it was a brother/sister type of relationship.  There was nothing romantic about it, at least not in 49 of the 50 states.  Ryan liked Mitch but she also knew she could do better.  That was why Ryan was such a cool character.

This was a pretty forgettable episode, one that was really only interesting for a chance to see Laura Harring play the same type of role she would later play to far different effect in David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive.  It’s late so I’m going to leave it at that.  Baywatch Nights needs to hurry up and bring on the aliens and the vampires or the sea monsters!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.11 “The Artist and the Lady/Elizabeth’s Baby”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

Sorry for the late review!  I’m currently on Vicodin (nothing to worry about) and it set me far behind today.

Episode 4.11 “The Artist And The Lady/Elizabeth’s Baby”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on January 17th, 1981)

This week, we have two new fantasies.  One is surprisingly sweet.  The other is about as dumb as can be.

Poor Tattoo!  Because Mr. Roarke is busy with the good fantasy this week, it largely falls on Tattoo to play host for the bad fantasy.  Kermit Dobbs (Don Most) is a nerdy art teacher who wants to be a real artist.  Before leaving to oversee the good fantasy, Roarke gives Dobbs a potion that, when Dobbs drinks it, gives him the talent of Patrick O’Herlihy (Peter Brown), a mad Irish artist who, for some reason, lives in the wilds of Fantasy Island.  What Dobbs doesn’t know that is that the potion not only gives him Patrick’s talent but it also apparently gives him the knowledge of every woman that Patrick has slept with on the island.  When Kermit paints a picture of a Deborah Dare (Michelle Pfeiffer — wait, what!?) and knows just where to place her birthmark, it leads to the men on the Island chasing Kermit into the wilderness.

It’s in the wilds that Kermit meets Patrick and they spend some time drinking and talking about art.  Eventually, Kermit gives up his claim to Patrick’s talent and he leaves the island with Deborah.  Meanwhile, all the men on the Island now want to kill Patrick so I’m not really sure that this qualifies as a good ending.

That was all really stupid, with every actor in the fantasy going overboard with their characters.  Don Most apparently went a week without shaving before appearing on this episode, in an attempt to come across as someone with an artistic soul.  It didn’t work.

The far better fantasy featured Eve Plumb as Elizabeth Blake, a woman who is pregnant and who know that she will probably die in childbirth.  Her fantasy is to have a chance to see what her daughter’s future life will be like.  Though reluctant, Mr. Roarke travels with her to three separate years in the future.  (Interestingly enough, even though they eventually end up traveling 20 years into the future, the world still looks like the 70s.)  At first, Elizabeth is happy to see that her daughter will have an apparently happy childhood but things get progressively darker until finally, Lisa Blake (Alison Arngrim) has run away from home and is working as a prostitute.  Mr. Roarke allows Elizabeth to talk to Lisa (hey!) on the condition that Elizabeth not reveal her identity.  Elizabeth is able to convince Lisa to go back home.

It’s a sweet but rather sad story.  Even as Elizabeth leaves Fantasy Island with the knowledge that she was able to help her daughter, she still leaves with the knowledge that she’s going to die in childbirth.  In the lead role, Eve Plumb is as good as Don Most was bad.

That one good fantasy is so good that it saves the episode.  That bad fantasy is so bad that it keeps this episode from being the classic that it should have been.  Such is life on Fantasy Island.

 

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.12 “Aweigh We Go”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch and Baker are ordered to make life difficult for the Teamsters!

Episode 1.12 “Aweigh We Go!”

(Dir by Ivan Nagy, originally aired on December 22nd, 1977)

No, that’s not a typo.  The name of this episode is indeed “Aweigh We Go.”  It makes sense once you watch the episode.

Things get off to a classic CHiPs start, with Baker and Ponch chasing some rich scumbag in a fancy sportscar.  The driver doesn’t think he has to slow down or pull over, even when he’s being pursued by the cops.  He’s such a reckless driver that he nearly sideswipes a station wagon that is towing a boat.  The boat gets loose and crashes into a beauty salon.  No one’s hurt but Ponch is excited when he discovers the boat’s for sale.  He starts making plans to buy the boat from its owner (Sean Morgan), a guy who is named Sven Larson for no particular reason.

Unfortunately, Ponch makes the mistake of mentioning his plans in front of Sgt. Getraer.  Getraer proceeds to buy the boat out from under him.  Ponch, needless to say, is miffed and Getraer finally agrees to co-own the boat with Baker and Ponch.

That’s not the only surprise that Getraer has up his sleeve.  Because of an officer shortage, he is forced to send Ponch and Baker to work at a weighing station for a week.  Under the sarcastic command of Capt, Vogt (played by Bruce Glover, who is best-known for playing Mr. Kidd in Live and Let Die), Baker and Ponch learn all about how to weigh trucks to make sure that they are in regulation.  Interestingly enough, the episode devoted a lot of time to showing how a weighing station works.  You could probably argue that it actually spends too much time on it.  Myself, I have family in the trucking industry so I found it interesting to see what they would have had to deal with in the 70s.  I imagine all of the nitpicky rules and regulations are probably even worse today.

Of course, there’s still time for the usual CHiPs shenanigans.  Ponch and Baker chase down and arrest a hijacker played by a rather sinister Gerald McRaney.  And they rescue a baby from a crashed car.  As usual, the emphasis is on all of the members of the Highway Patrol working together to keep the world safe for drivers.

As for the boat, it sinks the first time Ponch tries to take it out on the water.  Oh, Ponch!  Usually, I’m pretty critical of Erik Estrada’s scenery chewing performance on this show but I will admit to laughing at his rather frantic facial expression as he watched the boat sink.

This was a pleasant episode.  I stand with the truckers!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.20 “Nobody Lives Forever”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Sorry, it’s been a busy day and I’m a little bit medicated and, as a result, this review is posting later than expected.  Fortunately, this week’s episode is also about someone struggling to keep up with their schedule.  Read on!

Episode 1.20 “Nobody Lives Forever”

(Dir by Jim Johnston, originally aired on March 29th, 1985)

Nobody lives forever, the title tells us.  That’s certainly true in 1980s Miami.

Three teenage punks have gone on a crime spree, killing innocent civilians and criminals alike.  The punks (who are played by Frank Military, Michael Carmine, and Lionel Chute) are initially easy to laugh off because of how over the top they are.  When they decide to go to the beach and rob a bookie, they start chanting, “Bookie!  Bookie!”  But, just because they’re ludicrous, that doesn’t make them any less dangerous.  From the very first scene, they’re shooting at people and laughing like maniacs.  As informant Izzy Moreno puts it, these are three guys who know that “they’re already dead.”  They’ve got both the police and the mob (represented by Peter Friedman and a young Giancarlo Esposito) after them.  They might as well go out in a blaze of glory.

What else would you expect from three people who drive this car?

Vice is after the teenagers but, for once, Sonny Crockett has got other things on his mind.  Sonny is dating a wealthy architect named Brenda (Kim Greist) and he’s spending all of his free time at her mansion.  Even when he’s working the streets, Sonny is thinking about Brenda.  He misses a chance to capture the three teens because he is too busy talking to Brenda on the phone.  Later, Tubbs gets severely beaten up because Brenda allowed Sonny to oversleep and Tubbs had to go on a stakeout alone.

Brenda asks Sonny if it’s true that a cop partnership is like a marriage and this episode certainly suggests it is and an obsessive one at that.  All of the members of the Vice Squad get annoyed with Sonny for finding happiness off the grubby streets of Miami.  Castillo doesn’t think Sonny is focused.  Tubbs thinks that Sonny is losing his edge.  Gina is upset that Sonny led her on earlier in the season.  Switek and Zito …. well, they’re too busy reading comic books to really care much about Sonny’s problems.

There are several artfully composed shots of Sonny and Brenda floating in her pool and discussing how Sonny can go from having a gun pulled on him to relaxing at home without missing a beat.  Don Johnson and Kim Greist had a lot of chemistry and it’s impossible not to feel bad when Sonny realizes that he can either be Brenda’s lover or he can be a cop but he can’t be both.

In the end, the punks end up getting gunned down by Vice and Sonny ends the best relationship he’s ever had.  And Tubbs?  He sits on the beach and plays his saxophone.

That’s life in Miami.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 2.5 “Stage Fright”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

After spending the half of season 2 in the background, Caitlin takes center stage in this week’s episode.

Episode 2.5 “Stage Fright” 

(Dir by John Bertram, originally aired on February 1st, 1988)

Caitlin (Stacie Mistysyn), who is destined to become a major figure in the Degrassi franchise, finally gets a season 2 spotlight episode.  As the episode starts, she is undergoing a round of scary brain scans as the result of having had a seizure during the break.  The result of those scans is that Caitlin is diagnosed as being epileptic and is put on medication to control the seizures.

The problem, of course, is that Caitlin has to take the medicine three times a day and that includes at school.  Caitlin doesn’t want to take her medicine at school, especially when one of her classmates is the gossipy and judgmental Kathleen (played by Rebecca Haines).  It’s hard enough with her parents constantly worrying about her without having to deal with what all of her classmates are going to think.

So, Caitlyn doesn’t tell anyone that she has epilipsey.  And when she goes to Susie’s latest sleepover, Caitlyn doesn’t take her medicine with her.  (You know where this is going, right?)  Caitlin has a seizure in front of everyone, including Kathleen!

Now, not only does Kathleen know that Caitlin is epileptic but Kathleen has also been cast as the lead in the school play, with Caitlin playing a supporting role.  At first, Caitlin says she won’t do the play but Susie points out that Caitlin is just saying that because she’s jealous of Kathleen getting the lead role.  Plus, Rick Munro (Craig Driscoll, getting his first major season 2 storyline) is there to tell Kathleen to shut up when Kathleen starts to talk about snidely about Caitlin’s seizure.  Go Rick!

While this is going on, poor Michelle (Maureen McKay) struggles with her natural shyness when she’s assigned to give a speech in class.  Joey is a real jerk to her in this episode.  Bad Joey!  The grown-up Joey from Degrassi: The Next Generation would really hate teenage Joey.  Fortunately, Michelle eventually does what every shy person does when they have to give a speech.  She opens with a joke.  By the end of class, Joey is begging her to help him write his speech.

Oh, I could relate to this episode on so many levels.  First off, like Michelle, I know what it’s like to be shy.  (Unlike Michelle, I deal with being shy by talking so much that there isn’t any time for any awkward silences.)  As for Caitlin’s storyline, I am not epileptic but I’ve been diagnosed with enough things that I do know what it’s like to have a well-meaning parent driving you crazy by asking a hundred questions about how you’re feeling and whether you’re taking your meds.  That said, what really made me relate to Cailtin is the fact that I have asthma and, in high school, I always dreaded the idea of 1) having an asthma attack in front of everyone and 2) having to use my inhaler while everyone stared at me.  Even worse were the times I would realize that I had left my inhaler at home and I would spend so much time worrying about it that I would almost give myself an attack from stress.  I would always end up calling my mom or one of my sisters and begging them to bring me my inhaler.  Of course, I would also have to find a way to sneak out of the building so that they could give me the inhaler without it becoming a big scene….

(In retrospect, I think I may have made things a bit more complicated in high school than they needed to be.)

My point is, this was a good episode that dealt honestly and nonjudgmentally with issues that all teenagers throughout history have had to deal with.  This episode was Degrassi at its best.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check it Out 1.16 “Dog Day After Dark”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

I’ve had a busy day and I’m running behind because I’ve been doing totally responsible stuff and not because I’ve been watching trashy talk shows.  Definitely not!  Anyway, this review is a little late.  That said, when you’re reviewing an obscure Canadian sitcom from the 80s, you can probably be as late as you want.

Episode 1.16 “Dog Day After Dark”

(Dir by John Bell, originally aired on February 1st, 1986)

Howard is super excited because not only is his birthday coming up but he’s also got a side hustle.  He’s appearing in commercials for Cobb’s, dressed in a giant cheeseball costume and encourage everyone to buy the store brand cheese.  When a group of protestors shows up at the store to protest just how unhealthy the Cobb’s cheeseballs are, Howard orders them kicked out.  Their leader, wealthy hamburger restaurant heiress Sonja (Sheila McCarthy), vows to return and to make sure that all of Canada knows how unhealthy their diet truly is.

(Violent and wealthy vegans who want to control everyone’s lives?  Check It Out! may be a silly sitcom but it still managed to predict our silly sitcom future.)

Meanwhile, Edna is busy trying to put together an after-hours surprise party for Howard in the breakroom.  (Check It Out! has never been that consistent when it comes to portraying the staff’s feelings towards Howard.  There are some episodes where Howard is a jerk and everyone dislikes him.  However, in this episode, they all love him and can’t wait to celebrate with him.)  Edna tells security guard Alf to distract Howard while she gets things set up.  Unfortunately, Alf is so busy telling Howard about his cat that he’s not at his post when Sonja and her followers show up and take everyone hostage.

In some scenarios, this could lead to a Die Hard situation, with Howard taking on the role for John McClane.  And, indeed, that would be kind of fun.  But this is Check It Out!, one of the most Canadian sitcoms of all time.  So, everyone decides to celebrate Howard’s birthday even though they’re being held hostage, the terrorists are more goofy than dangerous, and, as the police and media rush into the store, Howard ends up eating one of the cheeseballs and getting sick on Canadian television.

(Despite being a very Canadian show, Check It Out! usually tried to obscure what country the show was actually set in so that it would have a better chance of finding an audience in the U.S.A.  That said, it’s hard not to notice that all of the vegan terrorists have French names.)

This was a pretty silly episode bit it was hard not to appreciate the goofiness of it all.  It was dumb but it was also light-hearted and good-natured, as the better episodes of this show tend to be.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/21/24 — 1/27/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week!

Acting Sheriff (YouTube)

I wrote about Acting Sheriff here!

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

A new season of The Bachelor started this week.  After skipping the previous few installments of this franchise, I did watch the first episode of the latest season.  The new bachelor is kind of dull but I enjoyed seeing the mansion and all of the clothes.  Jesse is kind of a boring host.  The Bachelor hasn’t been fun since Chris Harrison was fired for upsetting the online horde.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

My review of Check It Out may be an hour or two late this week.  It’s been a busy day.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Couples Court With The Cutlers (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which the Cutlers talked to a woman who was accused of cheating on her fiancée with her husband.  What?  Yes, it was confusing and silly and the fact that the fiancée had a high-pitched, cartoon character voice did not help matters.  This was one of those episodes where they brought in the “voice analysist” to determine who was lying.  Considering that everyone on the show had a terrible voice, I did not envy the analysist.  That said, I also have a hard time understanding how voice analysis can be used in the place of a polygraph.  Anyway, no one was cheating according to their voices.

I followed this up with an episode in which a husband accused his wife of cheating because of muddy footprints that he found in his home.  The wife was not cheating and the husband was a bit of a paranoid freak.

Later, I watched an episode in which a man felt that his wife was cheating on him because she was no longer wearing sexy underwear around him, despite the fact that he kept finding brand new thongs in the laundry.  The lie detector indicated that she was indeed cheating.  The wife, at one point, said that she felt like she was “starring in a romantic comedy with Will Smith.”

Then, tonight, I watched an episode in which a woman thought her much older husband was cheating on her with her best friend because she found her friend in their bed.  Fortunately, it turned out that the husband was faithful and the best friend was just a blackout drunk.

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Extended Family (Tuesday Night, NBC)

I had no interest in watching this show but I was watching Peacock on Wednesday night and I was too lazy to switch to another streaming service when the show automatically started.  Jon Cryer plays a divorced father in Boston who is still friends with his ex-wife and her new fiancé.  Why is everything always set in Boston?  Seriously, who care about freaking Boston?

Anyway, I was so lazy that I ended up watching the first two episodes and they were both pretty dire.  The “created by Mike O’Malley” credit card explained why.  Cryer, our beloved Duckie, is even more pathetic here than he was as wimpy Alan on Two and a Half Men.  (Disclaimer: I think I’ve seen like five episodes of Two and A Half Men, maybe six.)  It’s sad to think that NBC has gone from The Office to Night Court/Extended Family.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox)

I was so happy Ryan won!  This was one of Hell’s Kitchen’s best seasons.  While Big Brother, Survivor, and even The Amazing Race have struggled to remain relevant in our new, post-COVID age, Hell’s Kitchen succeeds by not messing with what works.

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Judge Dad (YouTube)

I watched two episodes of this courtroom show on Monday.  The very slow-talking judge heard a case about a woman who wanted another woman to pay for her $900 Prada dress.  The second case involved a woman who felt that her ex owed her some sort of compensation for giving her COVID.  The second case bothered me because the judge’s ruling didn’t seem to follow any sort of legal precedent.  I then noticed a disclaimer that stated that 1) Judge Dad was not a legal expert but just some guy making his own decisions and 2) the litigants were actors and the cases were all fictional.

On Tuesday, I watched an episode in which a tenant sued her landlord for setting up spy cameras in her apartment and “recording me in my lingerie.”  Judge Dad was particularly upset by this case.  “I feel like you are my daughter!” he thundered, “You must make better decision about where you live!”  The landlord was really, really sleazy and disgusting but again, the whole thing was fictional so …. yeah.

Judge Mom (YouTube)

On Wednesday, I watched an episode of Judge Dad‘s companion series, Judge Mom.  A young comic book artist accused an older artist of stealing his ideas.  Judge Mom found in favor of the younger artist.  Just as with Judge Dad, the episode ended with a disclaimed that “Judge Mom is not a legal expert” and the case was fictional.  The acting on Judge Mom was far less convincing than the acting on Judge Dad.

It was just bad enough that I had to watch a second episode.  This one featured a set of parents suing a little league team for “firing” their son from the team.  Judge Mom was offended by how petty all of the adults were.  Little league is supposed to be about the kids!  You tell ’em, Judge Mom!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Tubi)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

It’s weird.  This is a badly conceived show that rarely even makes me smile and yet it’s something that I find myself watching on Peacock whenever I’m bored and I don’t have time to watch anything that runs longer than 21 minutes.  I don’t know why this is, because I really don’t care much for the show and it’s only gotten worse in its second season.  I think the problem is that Abby Stone is way too naive to be a judge and her nonstop enthusiasm can be a bit hard to take.  For instance, this week’s episode featured her still trying to get over breaking up with her boyfriend and obsessing over her inability to get a date.  That story had comedic potential but seriously, Abby’s a judge.  IN NEW YORK CITY!  Toughen up!

Paternity Court (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Monday.  Fortunately, the former army officer who had just returned from deployment was the father.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!