Lisa Marie’s Week In Television — 12/26/21 — 1/1/22

Posted on January 1, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy 2022! I spent most of this holiday week visiting my sister Megan and her family. That’s been a bit of a Bowman holiday tradition since 2008. We watched a lot of TV. We both love Saved By The Bell and California Dreams so that shouldn’t be too much of surprise. Anyway, there’s much to share this week so let’s get right into what I watched during the final week of 2021!

The Bold and the Beautiful (Weekday afternoons, CBS)

This used to be my show! Of course, it’s been a while since I’ve regularly watched The Bold and the Beautiful but, on Wednesday, I decided to tune in just to see what was happening. People were discussing their relationships and talking about fashion while getting ready for New Year’s. Brooke is still on the show. I might start setting the DVR in 2022.

The Brady Bunch (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

I watched two episodes. First, Greg wanted to drop out of high school to pursue a career as a major league pitcher. He was talked out of it. Is there nothing that the Brady kids weren’t good at? What an annoying family! This was followed by an episode in which Marcia promised she could get Davy Jones to play her high school dance and somehow, she pulled it off because everything always worked out for Marcia. Jan, on the other hand….

California Dreams (DVD)

Megan and I watched a few episodes of this classic 90s NBC sitcom on Friday morning. It’s kind of our New Year’s tradition. We both agreed that Lorena and I have a lot in common. We also watched Tony perform that “Next big thing” song of his. He’s so funky!

Dance Moms (Wednesday, LRW)

LRW did a Dance Moms marathon on Wednesday. I watched a few episodes that morning and it made me realize how much I miss this show. It also brought back a lot of memories for me personally, though my mom was never as crazy as the moms on this show. I wonder if Maddie ever returns Abby’s calls.

Since the show aired on LRW, I got to see all those old “real women” commercials that Lifetime used to air, like the one with the woman talking about the time she scolded her mom for saying she needed a man to explain something to her. “You know, that was her generation, ha ha ha.” All I know is that you just made fun of your mother on national television.

Days of Our Lives (Weekday Afternoons, NBC)

It’s been a while since I’ve watched any of the daytime dramas but my sister Megan informed me that a character on Days of Our Lives had been possessed by the devil since September so, on Tuesday, I decided to watch to see what that was like. From what I saw of it, it looked like a lot of fun. With Marlena tied to her bed and speaking in a gravelly demon voice, everyone was getting ready for the exorcism. “We’re not dealing with your mom,” one character explain, “We’re dealing with …. it.” “You shut your mouth or you’re going to get a face full of holy water!” someone else declared. A priest entered the bedroom and Marlena’s daughter said, “You’re a priest again?” Meanwhile, Patch dressed up as Santa Claus, which was charming in its own weird way. Fortunately, everything worked out in the end. These are indeed the days of our lives.

Dexter: New Blood (Showtime, Sunday Night)

I wrote about the latest episode of Dexter here!

Football Game: Bills vs. Patriots (Sunday Afternoon, CBS)

I watched this on Sunday morning with my sisters. I have to admit that I didn’t pay much attention but I do remember that everyone wanted the Bills to win so I felt obligated to cheer for the Patriots. I don’t remember who actually won, though. Football games are really, really long.

Football Game: Cowboys vs. Football Team (Sunday Night, NBC)

I watched this game with my sister Megan and her husband, John. They got really excited whenever the Cowboys scored. I felt bad for Football Team. I figure that it has to suck to be a member of Football Team because everyone they meet is probably like, “Who do you play for?” and when the player says, “Football team,” everyone probably replies, “I know, but which one?” What I’m saying here is that these guys need a real name if they’re going to succeed. For example, the Cowboys pretty much destroyed Football Team on Sunday. I thought the Cowboys were seriously going to score a 100 points before the game ended. Poor generic Football Team.

General Hospital (Weekday Afternoons, ABC)

I watched an episode on Wednesday. Too much talk, not enough hospital.

Hang Time (YouTube)

Hang Time was basically Saved By The Bell except it centered around a high school basketball team in Indiana. It aired from 1995 to 2000 on NBC and it was never that good but it lives on because every episode has been uploaded to YouTube. NBC is pretty aggressive about taking down unauthorized SBTB uploads but they don’t seem to care much about Hang Time.

Anyway, early Wednesday morning, I forced Megan to watch an episode because I wanted her to hear one line that always amused me. The episode opened, as they often did, with a basketball game. However, for this game, the main characters (including a very young Anthony Anderson) were forced to spend the entire game on the bench while the backup players hit the court and …. uhm, lost. In fact, they lost bad. It turned out the main characters were being punished for getting fake IDs and driving drunk.

About 15 minutes into the episode, one of the backup players is injured but when he limps over to the baseline or the sideline or whatever they call it in basketball, he yells at the coach that he wants to keep playing because, unlike some people, “I CARE ABOUT THE TEAM!” And then coach sends him back into the game despite the fact that the he can barely walk! For some reason, that’s always made me laugh. The coach taught his players a lesson by forcing someone who did nothing wrong to play injured. What a guy!

The Love Boat (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

The Love Boat and another ship traveled to Alaska, where the captains competed to see who was the best. Apparently, it was a promotional gimmick but the competition turned personal when the son of the rival captain decided that he would rather work on the super mellow Love Boat as opposed to his father’s boat. Anyway, it was silly but Alaska looked lovely. Plus, Sonny Bono was on the episode as some sort of hyper corporate guy.

The Office (Weekdays, Comedy Central)

Comedy Central did an Office marathon this week. On Monday, I watched a few episodes from season 2. They kept me happy as I wrote 2,300 words on Monster, one of the most depressing movies ever made. (Look for that review on Monday!) Then, on Tuesday, I watched a few episodes from season 3 while I was writing another 2,000 words about the making of The Godfather Part III. (Look for that post on Monday as well!)

By the time Wednesday rolled around, Comedy Central had started on season 5, which is when the show started to get uneven and, not coincidentally, Ed Helms’s role started to get larger. However, there were still some classic episodes during season 5, like the Golden Ticket episode and The Michael Scott Paper Company arc. Those also just happened to be the episodes that I watched.

By Thursday, we were into season six and …. eh. Season six is when Jim and Pam started to get a bit insufferable in their smugness and there was that whole weird thing where Jim was briefly co-manager. Megan and I watched the Gossip episode and The Meeting episode and we both agreed it was actually kind of rude of Jim to go behind Michael’s back with his whole co-manager idea. We then did a little shopping. When we came back, we caught my two favorite episodes of that season — Scott’s Tots and The Shareholder’s Meeting.

Hey there, Mr. Scott, whatcha going to do? Whatcha going to do? Make our dreams come true!

Parking Wars (Weekday Mornings, A&E)

On Thursday morning, I forced Megan to watch an episode of Parking Wars with me, just so she could understand what I’m always complaining about. For 30 minutes, as we watched the action in Detroit and Philadelphia, I said, “See? This is totally how fascism comes to be accepted!” Megan said she agreed with me, though I think she may have just been saying that …. which is fine! Just as long everyone agrees.

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch (Fuse, Monday Morning)

Sabrina felt that all of her academic accomplishments were being taken for granted so she cast a spell which caused everyone to go crazy over every little thing she did. Needless to say, an important lesson about humility was learned.

As far as I’m concerned, this is the only show about Sabrina, The Teenage Witch that matters. Talking Salem for the win!

Saved By The Bell: The Junior High Years (a.k.a. Good Morning Miss Bliss) (Netflix)

At December 26th, at midnight, my sister Megan and I sat down and watched six episodes of Saved By The Bell. Well, we didn’t actually just spend 2 and a half hours watching them. We were talking and cleaning and laughing and doing other things. But still, we had the show on and we did occasionally pause long enough in all of our other activities to see what was going on.

The episodes that we watched were from the infamous Junior High years. That was when the show aired on the Disney Channel and it was set in Indiana and Slater, Kelly, and Jessie were not on the show. Instead, the show centered around Miss Bliss (Hayley Mills), a British widow who somehow ended up teaching social studies at a junior high in Indiana. At the time, the show was called Good Morning, Miss Bliss. Good Morning, Miss Bliss was canceled after 13 episodes but was then relaunched on NBC, with Zack, Screech, Lisa, and Mr. Belding all somehow relocating to California. The Miss Bliss episodes could probably be written off as non-canon, if not for the fact that many of them were re-aired as episodes of Saved By The Bell, with special introductions in which Zack would say, “This is from when we were in junior high.” It didn’t make any sense but Saved By The Bell just didn’t care.

Anyway, the first episode of Good Morning, Miss Bliss featured Zack lying to a girl about the fact that he was only in the 8th Grade. The girl was played by a very young Carla Gugino, who went on to do much better things with her career. Anyway, Zack learned an important lesson about lying but apparently not important enough to inspire Zack to actually be honest in any future episodes.

The 2nd episode that we watched featured a love letter that kept getting read by the wrong people. Mr. Belding thought Miss Bliss was in love with him. Miss Bliss thought Belding loved her. Lisa thought …. ugh, I’m getting a headache just thinking about it. The most interesting thing about this episode is that the whole stupid plot was later reused in one of the Tori episodes of regular Saved By The Bell.

The third episode that we watched was one of my favorites of the Miss Bliss episodes. Miss Bliss teaches her students about the stock market by investing some of her own money in a stock of their choosing. However, Zack desperately needs money so he invests the money in potatoes. Miss Bliss is furious when she finds out and yells at everyone, which was fun because Miss Bliss was always a bit too perfect to be believed so it was nice to see that, deep down, she was a neurotic mess. Fortunately, she forgave everyone by the end of the episode.

Episode #4 features Zack’s friend Nikki refusing to dissect a frog. Miss Bliss took Nikki’s side but was still upset when Nikki stole all of the frogs. Meanwhile, Mr. Belding was panicking because he thought another school was trying to recruit Miss Bliss so he let Miss Bliss have anything that she wanted. However, Mr. Belding soon realized he was mistaken and promptly took everything back. TAKE THAT, MISS BLISS!

Episode #5 left Megan and I totally confused. Zack was upset because Miss Bliss was dating his father. The divorce of the Morrises had been hard on Zack and, as a result, Zack was totally acting out. What’s weird is that Zack’s parents were NOT divorced in the high school episodes of Saved By The Bell. It’s almost as if the writers just didn’t care.

Finally, Episode #6 featured Screech getting targeted by the school bully. However, it turned out that the bully was just upset because he was illiterate. That would have upset me too. Having learned a valuable lesson about bullying, Megan and I decided we had watched enough Saved By The Bell for that morning.

On Monday morning, we watched the remaining 7 Miss Bliss episodes. Again, we didn’t just watch. We talked and laughed and made plans while the show played in the background. To be honest, we probably paid even less attention on Monday than we did on Sunday. By this point, we’ve both got every episode of this stupid show memorized so it’s not like we really had to focus to know what was going on.

Episode #7 was a school dance episode. I guess, technically, it was the first ever SBTB dance episode. Mr. Belding was worried about a fight breaking out at the dance. A first actually did break out at the dance between Zack and his loser friend, Mickey. Mickey liked a girl but she liked Zack. Fortunately, Miss Bliss was there to save the day.

In Episode #8, Zack got out of taking a midterm by releasing Screech’s pet rats in the school. Megan and I found the idea of a school closing down because of rats to be hilarious. Seriously, I’ve seen rodents running around college campuses, ducking from classroom to classroom. Anyway, due to Zack’s selfishness, it appeared that Miss Bliss would miss out on her chance to be named Teacher of the Year. Fortunately, everyone teamed up to help her because, of course, the entire school revolved around keeping her happy.

In Episode #9, Zack and his other other loser friend, Nikki, teamed up for a class project but Zack expected her to do all the work. (Boooo!) It led to a rift in their friendship but Zack fixed it all by apologizing in front of the entire class. Megan and I both agreed that was probably an awkward experience for all the other students who were forced to sit through it.

Episode #10 found the junior high in the midst of a prank war. Who pranked Miss Bliss and ruined her ugly sweater!? Everyone thought it was Screech and the class held a mock trial as opposed to just burning him at the stake. Screech was acquitted and it turned out that he was actually framed by Miss Bliss, who wanted to teach the class about the jury system. Neither Megan nor I cared much for this episode and we agreed that it was proof that Miss Bliss was a terrible teacher who didn’t really consider what being forced through a mock trial could do to a young student’s psyche.

Episode #11 was the silliest episode of all. It turned out that Miss Bliss’s former student, Colleen Morton, was now a pop star named …. STEVIE! Zack made a bet with everyone that he could get a kiss from Stevie. He did get a kiss, but it was from Colleen. It was only later that Zack figured out that Colleen and Stevie were one in the same! Zack lost the bet, even though he was being honest about having been kissed by her. So, I guess the lesson here is that Saved By The Bell took place in a post-truth world.

Episode #12 featured Zack pledging to some sort of weird ninth grade fraternity. The frat demanded that Zack mistreat all of his friends and then, after Zack had lost everyone’s friendship, they revealed they were just playing a joke on him. For some weird reason, Miss Bliss was the principal while Mr. Belding taught home room. At first, everyone thought that Miss Bliss was both the perfect principal and the perfect teacher but then it turned out that Miss Bliss didn’t actually bother to get permission from the school board for any of the “good” things that she did and all of her solutions backfired. TAKE THAT, MISS BLISS!

Finally, we ended things with the 13th and final episode of the Miss Bliss years. Miss Bliss’s mentor showed up at the school and helped to teach her class. His unorthodox methods were frowned upon by Mr. Belding. Personally, I think Belding had a point but whatever. The important thing is that Megan and I survived all 13 episodes.

Silk Stalkings (Tubi)

I decided to binge all 8 seasons of the stylish 90s crime show, Silk Stalkings. This show also airs on one of the retro channels, ZLiving. It was a stylish show about rich people doing bad things, often while undressed. The first few seasons starred Rob Estes and Mitzi Kapture as Chris and Rita, two detectives who worked together to solve crimes and who generated endless amounts of sexual tension.

My sister Megan and I watched the pilot on Monday. Chris and Rita investigated the murder of a model. Not surprisingly, the pilot was mostly about introducing Chris and Rita and establishing that they were attractive people who would be worth watching. The pilot did a good job of just that. Estes and Kapture had obvious chemistry from the start. Even overly cutesy things — like calling each other “Sam” — were charming when they did it. A good deal of time was devoted to Rita recovering from an aneurism, with gave the audiences a chance to see just how much Chris cared about his partner. It was sweet, even if I have to agree with Rita that Chris was being a bit overprotective. After the pilot, Megan and I watched two more episodes. Chris and Rita investigate an old rich man who was shooting snuff films in his private sex dungeon and Rita came to terms with the tragic details of her father’s death. And then, a rich car salesman was found floating in the ocean. Fortunately, Chris and Rita were able to bring his very attractive killers to justice!

On Tuesday, we watched an episode in which Chris and Rita solved the murder of a wealthy (naturally) man who was killed on a golf course by an assailant who wielding a meat hook! AGCK! It was a grisly case but the important thing is that everyone involved was attractive. Rita got shot towards the end of the episode. She survived but Megan and I were still like, “Awwwwww!” when Chris got all worried about it. This was followed by a fun episode in which Chris and Rita investigated the murder of a Congressman. You might be surprised to learn that investigating the death of a politician involves talking to a lot of half-naked people. Chris and Rita (especially Chris) were up for the job! This episode also featured a cute little subplot where Chris tried to help Rita deal with her insomnia. Rita had a big poster that simply read, “ART!” in her bedroom.

The first episode that we watched on Wednesday featured Chris and Rita investigating the murder of a half-naked,rich woman. This led to a scene in which they arrested a naked man who, standing in his hot tub, announced that “I heard you would need a semen sample. I was just getting warmed up for you.” Meanwhile, Chris reconnected with an ex-girlfriend who was now working as a stripper. Reconnecting, in this case, meant spending a lot of time at the beach. It was a fun episode. The second episode found Chris and Rita investigating the murder of a sleazy tabloid publisher. Of course, if this show had been made today, he would have just owned a clickbait factory and his death would have been live-streamed. Chis was also upset that Rita had a date with a guy that she barely knew. The date, of course, led to wild limo sex because seriously, what else are you going to do in a limo?

We got things started on Thursday with an episode about a decadent socialite who was drowned in her own pool. Chris and Rita eventually discovered that the killer was a psycho named James who, ironically enough, also ended up dying in a pool. Of course, James killed himself by jumping into the water while holding a sander. We then watched an episode featuring Chris and Rita investigating a murder that had been committed by a bunch of frat boys. Megan and I both agreed that frat boys were the worst!

The Steve Wilkos Show (Weekday Morning, Channel 33)

Hey, Steve Wilkos! Giving lie detector tests and changing lives! Good for you, Steve! I watched your show on Wednesday morning because I was waking up and getting ready for my day and I was basically too busy to change the channel! Get the Hell off my stage!

The Tribe (Pluto TV)

The Tribe is a British/New Zealand co-production that ran for five seasons in the last 90s and the early aughts. It takes place in a future in which all of the adults have been killed by a mysterious virus, leaving behind only children and teenagers who have all formed “tribes,” and who are having to grow up in a world ruled by fear and anarchy. A friend of mine has been recommending this show to me for a while. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to finally check it out!

And that’s what I did. On Saturday morning, around 2 a.m., I watched the first episode on Pluto. It was pretty good. It quickly set up the premise and introduced the characters. Actually, it did quite a bit in just 25 minutes. After meeting in an abandoned city, the main tribe took refuge in a mall. Meanwhile, on the outside, a group of teenagers drove around in a cop car, the siren wailing ominously. It was was an intriguing opening and, after watching the first episode, I decided that The Tribe would be one of the shows that I would binge over the course of 2022.

The Twilight Zone (Saturday and Sunday, SyFy)

I got a few episodes of SyFy’s annual Twilight Zone marathon. On Saturday, I saw Burgess Meredith break his glasses. I saw the one with the hitch-hiker who kept saying, “Going my way?” And I saw one of my absolute favorite episodes, The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street. On Sunday, the highlight included Twenty-Two (“Room for one more!”), Peter Falk playing Castro in The Mirror, The Hunt (in which a man realizes that only Hell would refuse to allow dogs), The Bard (in which Shakespeare met Burt Reynolds), and The Changing of the Guard with the great Donald Pleasence!

The Young and the Restless (Weekday mornings, CBS)

Because I had so much fun with Days of Our Lives on Tuesday, I decided to watch The Young and The Restless on Wednesday. Unfortunately, the episode of Y&R that I saw was a bit dry, with a lot of scenes of people standing around and talking about a lawsuit. It was kind of boring but at least everyone looked good!

Guilty Pleasure No. 52: Saved By The Bell 3.21 “No Hope With Dope” (dir by Don Barnhart)

Posted on January 1, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Saved By The Bell is the show that will not die.

Saved By The Bell started out in 1989, airing on NBC on Sunday mornings. The show followed the adventures of Zack Morris, AC Slater, Screech, Jessie Spano, Kelly Kapowski, and Lisa (hey!) Turtle as they navigated their way through Bayside High. It’s bit of an odd show, in that there was no real continuity and Zack was a designated hero who often came across as being a young sociopath. Zack and his friends were rich and, with the notable exception of Jessie, apolitical. The only time they all, as a group, cared about anything was when there was an oil spill near the duck pond that was just because Zack had befriended one of the ducks. The humor was goofy but the acting was occasionally better than it had any right to be. (Mario Lopez was the cast MVP.)

Saved By The Bell had a loyal audience when it originally aired but it owes it popularity to syndication. When I was in high school and college, Saved By The Bell always seemed to be playing somewhere. I have friends who scheduled their day around, though none of them will admit it now. As I sit here writing this, Saved By The Bell can currently be viewed on about a dozen different streaming services and there’s currently a very self-aware reboot streaming on Peacock. Reruns of this show will probably be outlive us all. There’s no escaping the Bell.

Interestingly enough, for all of the show’s cultural cachet, there are really one three episodes of Saved By The Bell that are really “must-see.” The first one, of course, was the infamous episode where Jessie got hooked on sugar pills and ended up shouting, “I’m so excited!” when Zack tried to get her to wake up. The second one was the episode where Zack passed out in his garage and dreamt about the future of his band, Zack Attack. (“Friends forever. It’s an nice idea.”) And finally, there’s the “No Hope With Dope” episode.

First airing in 1991 (on November 30th, to be exact), “No Hope With Dope” feels like a time capsule. Big-time movie star Johnny Dakota (played by Eddie Garcia) comes to Bayside and, after Zack leads the students in an anti-drug rap song, Johnny decides to shoot his latest anti-drug PSA at the high school. This not only gives Jessie a chance to once again tell everyone about her sugar pill addiction (which I’m sure everyone at the school was sick of hearing about) but it also gives Zack, Slater, and Screech the excuse to become amateur narcs. When they discover a joint in a Bayside bathroom, they immediately accuse Scud, who is wearing a Slayer t-shirt and is therefore the number one suspect. Scud reveals that he only smokes cigarettes because, when it comes to marijuana, “Not even I’m that dumb!” Slater still destroys Scud’s cigarette because cigarettes can kill too.

However, at a big movie star party, Zack and Kelly are offered a joint by — OH MY GOD! — Johnny Dakota! Though Johnny doesn’t actually try to force the death weed on the two of them after they initially refuse it, Zack and Kelly are so disgusted by Johnny’s actions that they leave the party. The Bayside Gang announces that they cannot sanction Johnny’s buffoonery. (“The reputation of Bayside was at stake!” Jessie says.) Johnny gets mad and leaves.

Watching this episode today, most viewers will probably say, “BUT IT WAS JUST A JOINT!” Seriously, it’s not like Johnny was snorting coke in Mr. Belding’s office or shooting heroin in the school’s locker room or anything similar to that. Johnny was only doing something that, today, is legal in many states and probably will be legal in every state by the time 2030 rolls around. And yet, everyone at Bayside acts so shocked to discover that someone who is apparently the biggest film star in the world occasionally smokes weed. The way that Zack and the gang react to marijuana in 1991 in comparison to how most people react to it in 2022 is one of the things that makes this episode such a guilty pleasure. It’s a time capsule with a laugh track.

(Of course, one reason why “No Hope With Dope” became such a popular episode is that much of the show’s later audience was probably high when they first saw it.)

Anyway, Johnny’s gone and Bayside is still eager to make an anti-drug PSA. Fortunately, Mr. Belding has a friend at NBC! It turns out that the then-president of the network went to school with Mr. Belding! He agrees to come to Bayside and share with everyone his hit new idea for the fall season: Don’t. Do. Drugs. He also does the old, “Maybe I could produce a TV show about a bunch of rich high school kids …. nah, it would never work!” joke. “Come back and visit any time,” Jessie tells him. Yeah, Jessie, I’m sure that’ll happen….

The show ends with the Bayside “No Hope With Dope” PSA and these few minutes are what transforms this episode into a true cultural landmark. Watch it below and be sure to note that, when Screech pops out of the locker, there’s a picture of John Lennon smoking a joint on the door.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/31/21 — 11/6/21

Posted on November 6, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I spent the first week after Halloween in a state of exhaustion. That’s the way it usually is after a successful horrorthon. I got a lot of work done at the office. I had the TV on for background noise for quite a bit of the time. Here’s what I watched:

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

With the colonels being held hostage by the Communist Resistance, Michelle came up with a great plan to solve the problem! Rene could simply rob a bank! After all, Michelle said, they had access to the greatest safe cracker in all of France. LeClerc looked confused until he realized she was talking about him. Rene attempted to refuse but soon found himself in a bank, holding a torch while LeClerc attempted to break into the safe. It all led, of course, to an explosion. Monsieur Alphonse was upset that some of his money was set on fire to provide light in the vault. Who can blame him? Meanwhile, Officer Crabtree kept asking Michelle and Rene if there done “ribbing the bonk.” I laughed.

The Bachelorette (Tuesday Night, ABC)

Michelle sent Jamie home, which was good. But then she canceled the Cocktail Party, which …. eh. The whole “I’m going to cancel the cocktail party and go straight to the Rose Ceremony” thing has become the biggest Bachelorette cliché move. It’s right up there with questioning whether someone is on the show for the right reasons.

Baywatch Hawaii (Prime)

Running for two seasons, from 1999 to 2001 (wow, two centuries!), Baywatch Hawaii was an attempt to reenergize the fading popularity of Baywatch by moving all of the lifeguard action to a new state. Mitch (David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff) left California for Hawaii, where he started a new branch of Baywatch. JD (Michael Bergin), Jessie (Brooke Burns), and Newman (MICHAEL NEWMAN!) came with him and were joined by a group of new lifeguard trainees. Of the new cast members, a very young Jason Mamoa played an impetuous lifeguard named …. Jason.

Having binged the original Baywatch earlier this year, I figured that I might as well watch the two seasons of Baywatch Hawaii, just so I could get the complete story. Luckily, both seasons are on Prime.

On Thursday, I watched the first four episode and they weren’t particularly good. The Hoff looked extremely bored and really wasn’t in much of the show. Instead, most of the action revolved around Sean (Jason Brooks), the hardass instructor brought in to train the new lifegaurds and turn them into a team. Every episode, Sean threatened to send someone back to the mainland and, each time, the lifeguards proved themselves at the last minute. The first episode opened with the Hoff having an existential crisis in Hawaii, one that was solved when he saved a little girl from drowning. The second episode featured Sean yelling at the new recruits while the Hoff saved the exact same little girl from suffering a case of secondary drowning at her birthday party. This was followed by an episode where a new lifeguard named Dawn joined the team and immediately started scheming to seal JD away from from Jessie. Finally, in episode #4, Jason was nearly sent home for being too “self-reliant,” which didn’t make much sense to me but whatever. In all four episodes, the Hawiiaian scenery was lovely and everyone had an aesthetically pleasing body and really, that’s the main concern with a show like this.

On Friday, I watched episodes 4 through 8. Sean yelled at the lifeguards. Jason struggled to learn how to work as a member of a team. Dawn kept trying to steal everyone’s boyfriend. So far, this has been a pretty repetitive show. The same could be said of the original Baywatch but that show often seemed to be cheerfully aware of how silly it was whereas Baywatch Hawaii took itself a bit too seriously. The 8th episode did feature the return of Hobie. The Hoff was upset when he discovered that 1) Hobie was marrying a girl that the Hoff had never met and 2) Hobie was apparently embarrassed to introduce the Hoff to the wealthy parents of his wife-to-be. Embarrassed by the Hoff!? Say it ain’t so, Hobie! It all worked out in the end, though. The Hoff saved a wedding photographer who fell in the ocean and Hobie and his girlfriend decided to put off getting married and instead just decided to live together in sin. My aunt would be very disappointed in them.

Classic Concentration (Weekday Afternoons, Buzzr)

This was an old game show, in which contestants tried to match the pictures that were hiding under the squares. I watched two episodes on Wednesday and it was actually kind of a fun show.

Cold Case (Weekday Afternoons, Start TV)

On Monday’s episode, the Cold Case Squad investigated why Lilly never seemed to wash her hair. No, actually, they investigated a 1962 murder that had been disguised to look like a murder. Seriously, though, what was up with Lilly’s hair?

Court Cam (Wednesday Evening, A&E)

I watched two episodes on Wednesday evening. One featured a defendant who told the judge to go “<bleep> yourself” and I have to say that the A&E censorship beeps are so loud that they can actually give you a headache after a while.

Crossing Jordan (Weekday Afternoons, Start TV)

I watched two episodes on Monday but, for the most part, I just had the show on for background noise. In the first episode, Jordan and her team of quirky coroners were outraged over prison conditions. In the second episode, Jordan and the gang were outraged over a religious cult. There was a lot of quirky outrage.

Day of the Dead (Friday Night, SyFy)

Eh. It’s not really a bad show but, after watching three episodes this week to get caught up, I kind of feel that Day of the Dead is just not going to be for me. It’s hard to say why I don’t particularly care for it. The anti-fracking stuff is a bit too on-the-nose but, then again, George Romero wasn’t exactly subtle when it came to making his political points in the latter Dead films either. I think my main problem is that we’re four episodes in and it’s still doesn’t seem as if the show has established any sort of narrative momentum. So, I think I’m done with Day of the Dead for now.

Dennis The Menace (Weekday Mornings, Antenna TV)

I kind of watched two episodes of this show on Tuesday morning. I say “kind of” because I only had the TV on in the office for background noise and Dennis was such a sociopathic little brat that I really couldn’t bring myself to pay that much attention to him. Poor Mr. Wilson!

Fear the Walking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

Read my thoughts here!

Ghost Whisperer (Weekday morning, Start TV)

I watched an episode at Monday while I was at work. After a college student was scared into a coma, Melinda had to determine if it was the work of Bloody Mary or if it was just a ghost who needed help crossing over. This episode was from the Jay Mohr years so it had all of this weird sexual tension between Rick and Melinda, despite Melinda being married to Jim.

Hazel (Weekday Mornings, Antenna TV)

On Tuesday, I used two episodes of this maid-centered, old sitcom for background noise. In one, Hazel raised money to repair a broken vase. In the next one, she helped out a gardener who was in danger of getting fired. Hazel really needed to get a life outside of work.

I Dream of Jeannie (Weekday Afternoons, Antenna TV)

On Tuesday, I had two episodes on for background noise. One featured Jeannie’s dog causing chaos. The other featured Jeannie ruining the marriage of Major Nelson’s commanding officer. How many lives did Jeannie ruin during her reign of terror?

The Love Boat (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

I wrote about the special Halloween episode of The Love Boat here!

Match Game ’76 (Weekday Mornings, Buzzr)

I watched two episodes of this old game show on Wednesday. Two contestants tried to match answers with a group of angry-looking alcholics. The entire set looked like it reeked of gin, cigarettes, and skunk weed.

Match Game/Hollywood Squares Hour (Weekday Mornings, Buzzr)

This was a weird game show from the 80s. Basically, it’s 30 minutes of the Match Game, followed by 30 minutes of Hollywood Squares with the same contestants and minor celebs taking part in both. I kind of watched an episode of Wednesday morning but, to be honest, the show was mostly just background noise while I organized the office.

Medium (Weekday Mornings, Start TV)

I caught an episode on Monday, while I was at work. Alison solved the case of a young woman who was pushed off a cliff. Alison and her incredibly understanding husband also wondered whether they should warn a friend that Alison had foreseen him having a fatal heart attack. The low-key and serious approach of Medium provided a clear contrast to the more sensationalistic approach of Ghost Whisperer. But Ghost Whisperer was a much more fun show to watch.

The Office (Sunday Night, Comedy Central)

Jim and Pam badgered Danny Cordray over why Danny didn’t ask Pam on a second date. This episode is a good example of how unlikable Jim and Pam became after they got married.

One Step Beyond (YouTube)

Check out the episode that I watched here.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

Granville sadly wondered if he would ever marry. Arkwright told him he was too young to worry about such things, despite the fact that Granville appears to be nearly 50. No wonder Granville is losing his grip on reality.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

No sooner had I recommended that people watch the Mystery Weekend episode for Halloween than MeTV aired it.

Survivor 41 (CBS, Wednesday Night)

I wrote about the latest episode of Survivor here!

Unforgettable (Weekday Afternoons, Start TV)

On Monday’s episode, Carrie and Al investigated a murder in upstate New York. It reminded Carrie of her sister’s murder, mostly because Carrie has total recall and everything reminds her of her sister’s murder. To be honest, I think if I had watched this show when it originally aired, I probably would have liked it. The photographic memory aspect is interesting and Poppy Montgomery and Dylan Walsh are likable in the lead roles.

Walking Dead: World Beyond (Sunday Night, AMC)

Saved by the Dead remains an entertaining-enough show. I’m still not sure what’s going on but I do enjoy all of the annoyed and rebellious attitudes.

6 Classic Television Episodes To Watch On Halloween

Posted on October 31, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If you want to celebrate Halloween but you don’t necessarily want to spend the entire day watching horror movies …. well, what the Hell’s wrong with you?

No, no! I’m just joking! I actually understand where you’re coming from! Well, fear not — here are six wonderful shows for Halloween and I believe they’re all streaming somewhere. So, if you need some quick Halloween entertainment, take a look at this list below!

(The episodes below are listed in chronological order.)

Saved By The Bell 3.26 “Mystery Weekend” (first aired on December 21st, 1991)

Desperate to spend a weekend away from Bayside High School and Mr. Belding, Zack and the gang head off to a mansion for a mystery weekend! The plan is to solve the murders and win …. something. To be honest, I’ve never really understood the point of the mystery weekend and I’ve always found it weird that the a bunch of underage high school kids were allowed to participate without the presence of their parents. Like I would think most murder houses would have an age requirement. Of course, an even bigger question is why would they bring Screech with them?

Anyway, it soon appears that the mystery weekend has taken a dangerous turn as people start to turn up dead for real! Or are they? And then Lisa Turtle disappears! Or does she? Only Zack Morris can solve this case! This episode is dumb but entertaining in the typical Saved By The Bell manner.

2. Boy Meets World 5.17 “And Then There Was Shawn” (February 27th, 1998)

The entire season 5 cast is in detention because they interrupted class to have a debate over Cory and Topanga breaking up. Good Lord, did these people not have a life outside of Cory and Topanga’s creepy relationship? Anyway, it soon turns out that there’s a murderer in the school and, one by the one, the entire cast is murdered! Who could it be!?

Complete with a random guest appearance from Jennifer Love Hewitt (who was dating BMW’s Will Friedle at the time), And Then There Was Shawn was a parody of films like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer. It’s surprisingly well-done and I say this as someone who isn’t really a huge fan of this show. (Cory’s love for Topanga was a bit too stalkerish for me. Even worse was everyone’s insistence that Topanga was obligated to love him back, regardless of how she felt.) In fact, this episode is a macabe classic in its way. One gets the feeling that the writers had been discussing how they would like to kill off the cast for a while before this episode was written.

3. King of the Hill 7.9 “Pigmalion” (January 12th, 2003)

Luanne (voice by the much-missed Brittany Murphy) is dating Trip Larsen (voice by Michael Keaton), the owner of Larsen Pork Products and one of the richest men in Texas. Yay! Trip is totally and completely insane and only Peggy (Kathy Najimy) realizes it. Uh-oh! My favorite thing about this episode is that, even though Trip is trying to kill everyone and he’s literally in love with a pig, no one but Peggy and eventually Luanne ever notices. Instead, they just shrug off his behavior as him being an eccentric Texas millionaire. Michael Keaton does a wonderful job voicing Trip and fear not, Trip does eventually get his sanity back. Of course, as soon as he regains his sanity, he notices that he’s on the conveyer belt in a slaughter house and well …. things don’t end well for him. But, as Luanne pointed out, at least he sounded happy before he died.

This episode was originally meant to air during Season 5 but was delayed because Fox thought it would be too controversial. (The episode takes place during Halloween but aired in January.) When it did air, it would be the only King of the Hill episode to get a “parental discretion advised” warning slapped on it. It’s a good episode, though. Family Guy wishes it could come up with something as good as Pigmalion.

4. The Office 2.5 “Halloween (October 18th, 2005)

Poor Michael! He just wans to celebrate Halloween and he’s even come up with a pretty cool costume. Unfortunately, corporate expect him to spend the day finding someone to fire. Will it be Creed or will it be Devon? When this episode was being shot, the writers weren’t sure who Michael would fire. But after the scene where Creed Bratton argues with Michael in his office, it was decided to keep Creed and the eccentric energy that he brought to the show. Don’t worry, though. Devon Abner the actor was already planning on leaving the show because he had gotten a role in a play and Devon the character was hired back in the final episode.

5. Community 3.5 “Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps” (October 27th, 2011)

After Britta gives all the members of the Study Group an anonymous personality test, she is shocked to discover one of them is a psychopath! But who? Perhaps the best way to find out would be to have everyone tell a scary story. Shirley’s story involves her wild friends getting “left behind.” Pierce’s story is reactionary, violent, and kind of disturbing. Abed’s story is extremely meta while Troy’s story is, of course, about him and Abed. My favorite story was Annie’s rather violent vampire story. Eventually, it turns out that Britta misread the test results. Only one member of the group is sane but I won’t spoil who it is.

The great thing about this episode is not just that it perfectly parodies so many horror films but that each story is also perfectly tailored for the character telling it. Only Annie could have come up with that vampire story. Only Troy would have found the positive in being sewn together with Abed. Season 3 of Community was one of the best. For proof, just consider that this episode that preceded this one was Remedial Chaos Theory.

6. South Park 16.12 “A Nightmare on FaceTime” (October 24th, 2012)

Long before he became a marijuana farmer, Randy Marsh tried to force his family to help him run the last Blockbuster in Colorado. It turned out to be a haunted Blockbuster and, not surprisingly, Randy ends up going crazy and turning into Jack Nicholson from The Shining. Fortunately, it all worked out in the end!

Happy Halloween!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/17/21 — 10/23/21

Posted on October 23, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week!

(How’s that for a detailed intro?)

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

This week, yet another attempt to smuggle the British airmen out of France failed. As usual, the plan was too complicated to succeed and the British airmen themselves remained cheerfully oblivious to the danger that they’re putting everyone else into. (“I say,” one of them said after missing his chance to get smuggled out on a fish truck, “When’s the next fish truck?”) This episode’s highlight was Crabtree getting to speak perfect English to all of the British airmen who had gathered in Rene’s Cafe before then switching back to his usual mangled French to speak with Rene. Episodes of Allo Allo are not particularly easy to describe but they almost always make me laugh.

The Bachelorette (Tuesday Night, ABC)

I don’t know. Going straight from one season of the Bachelorette to Bachelor in Paradise to another season of the Bachelorette is a little bit too much. It works better when there’s some downtime between the seasons. I have to admit that I was pretty bored with the premiere of the new season. I mean, the first episode wasn’t even over and already, I was having to listen to all of that crap about whether or not the men were there for “the right reasons.” The whole thing with Ryan getting kicked off the show felt very staged and pre-planned and Michelle seems like she’ll be canceling a lot of cocktail parties to get right to kicking people off the show. I think I’ve just been oversturated with this dumb show for the past few months.

Baywatch (Friday Afternoon, H&I)

H&I has changed up their schedule. Instead of daily showing of Baywatch, they now air a five-hour block on Fridays. I watched two episodes. They were both from the 2nd season and I remembered them both from when I binged the show a few months ago. The first episode featured Eddie trying to clear his name after being accused of assaulting a teenager. The 2nd was yet another episode where a mysterious woman stayed with Mitch while someone with a gun hunted for her. This seemed to happen quite frequently to Mitch but he never commented on either the strangeness or the familiarity of it all.

The Brady Bunch (Sunday Afternoon, MeTV)

I watched three episodes on Sunday while working on my Cry Macho review. The Brady kids were so self-centered that Alice quit. Greg conspired to make Marcia the head cheerleader. Marcia fell in love with a much older dentist and decided she was too mature to go on a date with a classmate. The Bradys were the worst.

Court Cam (Wednesday Evening, A&E)

I watched two episodes when I got home from work on Wednesday. One episode featured a loser who was arrested several times for pretending to be a traffic cop. Maybe he wanted to get on Parking Wars. Regardless of his motivation, everyone he stopped could tell he wasn’t a cop and no one treated him with the respect that he very loudly demanded. That was kind of fun to watch.

Day of the Dead (Friday Night, SyFy)

I finally watched last week’s premiere on Thursday and I reviewed it for the site.

Fear the Walking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

I reviewed the season premiere here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

Once Horrorthon is over and I have the time, I’m going to go back and binge this entire series.

Hunter (Weekday Mornings, ZLiving)

I watched two episodes of this surprisingly violent 80s cop show on Friday. I was also working at the time so the show mostly served as background noise. (I find having the TV on helps me to focus, oddly enough.) From what I did see, it seemed like an awful lot of people ended up getting shot. In fact, Hunter’s main personality trait appears to be that he’ll shoot anyone. (The second episode featured Hunter blowing away a psycho motorcyclist played by Don Swayze.) One thing I will say about the show, though, is that I love the propulsive music that plays over the opening credits.

King of the Hill (Weekday Afternoons, FXX)

I watched two episodes of Tuesday. In the first one, Bobby became a peer counselor and quickly started to abuse his position. This is actually one of my favorite episodes, even though Bobby definitely owed Stacy an apology. The highlight of the episode was Stacy singing, “I’m your Stacy in a bottle.” The second episode featured Hank visiting the Platter Ranch in Montana and discovering that Henry Winkler was refusing to allow the ranchers to herd their cattle across his land. Yes, that Henry Winkler.

The Office (Saturday afternoon, Comedy Central)

I watched some classic episodes from season 5. Dwight and Michael conducted corporate espionage against Prince Family Paper. Pam and Michael hit the lecture circuit. Stanley had a heart attack. Michael’s golden ticket promotion blew up in his face. I always say that this show started to go downhill after the third season but Season 5 was actually pretty good.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

This week’s episode was actually kind of charming, as it featured Granville dancing in the rain while holding a mop. For a second, it seemed like Granville might be something other than incredibly depressed. It didn’t last long but it was still good to see him vaguely smile. Of course, once the rain stopped, it was time to go back to plotting Arkwright’s death.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

I watched two episodes on Sunday morning. The first one featured Zack launching a hostile takeover of the student store and then secretly photographing all of the girls for a calendar. That was kind of icky but at least Kelly got a modeling career out of it. She even went to Paris, something that was never mentioned in subsequent episodes. This was followed by the infamous Running Zack episode, in which Zack learned he was Native American and Jessie demanded that Lisa forgive her for being from a family of slave traders. The important thing is that Zack was able to compete at the track meet. So cringey!

Silk Stalkings (Weekday Afternoons, ZLiving)

Agck! Where are Chris and Rita!? It’s been over a month since I last caught any episodes of this 90s cop show. I watched two episodes on Friday and Rob Estes and Mitzi Kapture were gone! Apparently, they left the show and were replaced by two other cops who had the exact same backstory as Chris and Rita. What a coincidence! Anyway, the show still featured the same mix of murder, sex, and attractive people getting undressed but these new detectives just didn’t have the same chemistry.

That said, both of Friday’s episodes were enjoyably sordid, featuring a lot of sem-clad, attractive rich people doing a lot of very bad things. It was fun! I may have to start binging this show.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about the latest episode of Survivor here!

Talking Dead (Sunday Night, AMC)

This week’s episode was a bit by-the-numbers. Even Chris Hardwick seemed to be struggling to pretend to be interested in either Fear the Walking Dead or Walking Dead: World Beyond, which was odd since both of those shows were fairly good this week.

Walking Dead: The World Beyond (Sunday Night, AMC)

This week’s episode was actually pretty good. It still feels like Christopher Pike’s The Walking Dead (or maybe Saved By The Dead) but this week’s episode actually did a good job of capturing the contrast between wanting to be a teenager while, at the same time, having to survive in a world that leaves you with little time to actually grow up.

Lisa’s Week In Television: 8/15/21 — 8/21/21

Posted on August 21, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Usually, I’m not a big news watcher. That’s not to say that I don’t know what’s going on in the world. It’s just that I make it a point not to spend hours sitting in front of CNN, MSNBC, or FOX because I’ve noticed that people that do that seem to go insane after a week or so. In fact, I’m the type of person who regularly makes it a point to go for a week without checking any of the big political accounts on twitter because I know that their nonstop partisanship can be bad for one’s mental health. I’m proud to say that, from Obama to Trump to Biden, I’ve always blocked the @POTUS.

That really wasn’t an option this week. The images coming out of Afghanistan were too horrifying and the President’s response to them were too baffling for me too look away. So, when it comes to television, I’ve spent a lot of this week watching the news. In fact, I’ve probably spent too much. I’m going back to my old habits starting on Monday.

Here’s the details on the non-news related television that I watched this week:

Bachelor In Paradise (Monday Night, ABC)

I watched the premiere episode of the new season but, at the same time, I was also watching Gleaming the Cube with the #MondayActionMovie live tweet group and I have to admit that skateboarding Christian Slater was a bit more entertaining than shallow singles on the beach. So, long story short, I didn’t really pay much attention to Bachelor In Paradise. David Spade appeared to be having fun as the temporary host and one of the bachelors spent almost the entire episode naked and I couldn’t help but notice that the censorship box over his crotch was a little bit on the small side.

That said, I do have to say that I usually enjoy Bachelor In Paradise. It’s kind of a nice antidote to all the forced earnestness of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. It’s honest about the fact that it’s just a trashy reality show.

Big Brother (24/7, CBS and Paramount Plus)

I’m still watching this show and writing about it at the Big Brother Blog!

Hell’s Kitchen (Monday, FOX)

Both teams did a good job this week and it’s good that they did since Melissa Joan Hart was one of the celebrity diners! You don’t want to mess up when you’re cooking for Sabrina. Still, despite their success, someone had to be eliminated and this week, it was Josie. Still Gordon Ramsay told Josie to keep cooking and to keep learning. It was a pretty nice episode, actually.

Lonesome Dove (Wednesday Night, DVD)

I’ve been watching Lonesome Dove with the the #WestWed live tweet group, hosted by Matthew Titus. This week, we watched the third episode, which was a real heartbreaker. Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones were forced to hang their oldest friend after he fell in with a bunch of outlaws. Then, after that tragedy, Danny Glover ended up getting impaled with a spear. The old west was brutal!

The Love Boat (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

While Vicki struggled with her place on the boat and worked as her father’s secretary, various passengers fell in love. “She may have a South Beach body but she’s a North Pole personality,” Doc Bricker scornfully said about one passenger who didn’t appreciate his attempts at flirtation. That was a mean thing to say! Anyway, that’s all I really remember about the episode. I always enjoy watching this show because the cruise looks fun but it’s rare that I remember much about anything that happens.

Saved By The Bell (Monday, E!)

On Monday, E! did a Saved By The Bell marathon. They aired all of the senior-year episodes, except for the ones that featured Tori. I watched a few. Everyone totally rearranged their lives so Zack could graduate, even though Zack’s academic problems were totally his own fault. Awwwww!

As I said, I spent most of this week following the news and watching movies. Seriously, the DVR is so full of things I need to watch, I’m surprised it hasn’t stopped working. Hopefully, I’ll make my way through some of that next week!

Lisa’s Week In Television: 6/13/21 — 6/19/21

Posted on June 20, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yes, I did watch some television this week. However, I didn’t actually take any notes about the shows that I watched so this edition of Lisa’s Week in Television might be lacking a little in detail. Sorry about that! To be honest, I spent most of this week adjusting to the arrival of summer temperatures and I ended up devoting most of my attention to the air conditioning.

Still, here’s a few thoughts about what I can remember about what I watched this week:

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

It was a bit of a silly episode this week. (I know, I know, they’re all silly.) Rene had to fly a kite in order to make the new radio work. (Don’t ask.) Mimi, the new waitress, was disguised as a nun and she ended up getting twisted in the kite so she ended up as a flying nun. It made no sense but, perhaps for that reason, it made me laugh.

The Bachelorette (Monday on ABC)

This week, Katie was stunned to discover that one of the bachelors might not have been there for the right reasons! She sent Cody home because he was apparently only there to increase his profile. Usually, it takes a few more episodes for The Bachelorette to reach the “He’s not here for the right reasons” stage. The fact that this season got to it during the second episode worries me a little because this is a franchise that is always at its worse whenever it gets self-righteous.

(I always remember the episode of Burning Love, where the bachelors had to make sock puppets. Adam Scott said, “This is so stupid.” Cut to Joe Lo Truglio: “And I was like — hey man, I’m here for my son. Take this seriously!”)

In other news, Mike read a really awkward letter to his “future wife,” explaining why he waited until marriage to have sex. Like I said, it was hella cringey but it pretty much guarantees that Mike will be the next Bachelor.

Bar Rescue (Sunday Night, Paramount)

It’s been a while since I watched this show. Watching it on Sunday night, I discovered that John Taffer still apparently believes that not knowing how to run a bar is the worst crime known to man. “YOU’RE OVERPOURING! THAT’S MONEY DOWN THE DRAIN!” Relax, John. It’s just a bar.

Baywatch (Weekday evenings, H&I)

H&I has started in on the NINTH season of Baywatch and I have to say that I’m getting the feeling that, by the time this season rolled around, Baywatch was just repeating itself and going through the motions. Every episode that I watched this week featured a storyline that had been done in a previous episode. So, I guess if you’re wondering how many lifeguard stories there are, the answer is 8 seasons worth.

Let’s see how much I can remember about what I saw this week:

On the first of Sunday’s episodes, the Baywatch lifeguards had some competition from a private security company called — I kid you not — Bayguard! Mitch and Cody had to prove that Baywatch was just as good as Bayguard, which they managed to do by rescuing a boy in a storm drain. Mitch and Cody spent a lot of time rescuing people from storm drains. The second episode was a sweet story about a little boy named Timmy who really liked dolphins. Timmy also got trapped in a cave so Mitch and the lifeguards had to save him. It was typical Baywatch stuff but David Hasselhoff always did his best work with the unabashedly sentimental storylines.

On Monday, a mysterious figure was roaming the beach and saving people from drowning! Could it have been the klutzy new maintenance worker played Brooke Burns? Since Burns was already featured in the opening credits wearing a Baywatch uniform, that was a pretty easy question to answer. This was followed by an episode where April felt guilty about a swimmer dying, which was pretty much a remake of an earlier episode in which Caroline felt guilty about a swimmer dying.

On Tuesday, Hobie made his first appearance of the season. Despite being Mitch’s son, Hobie had been missing in action for the previous few episodes. (In real life, actor Jonathan Jackson was dealing with an addiction to cocaine that basically led to him being fired from the show.) Hobie was arrested after a boat he was driving crashed. However, it turned out that Hobie was not at fault! Knowing that this episode was kind of meant to be a wake-up call to Jackson about his own behavior made the whole thing awkward to watch. This was followed by an episode in which one of the lifeguards was selected for Jeopardy. Unfortunately, she was later disqualified when it was discovered that she knew someone who worked on the show but Alex Trebek still made an appearance and was his usual charming self.

On Wednesday, the first episode featured Mitch having a mid-life crisis, which he previously had two seasons ago. This was followed by an episode were Mitch befriend an orangutan. Strangely, Mitch didn’t mention that — during season two — he befriended a chimpanzee.

On Thursday, Cody started using performance-enhancing drugs to increase his chances of going to the Olympics, much as several other characters have done on previous episodes of Baywatch. This was followed by a skydiving episode which was basically a remake of the skydiving episode from season six. Of course, the previous episode turned out to be a dream whereas this episode was real. MITCH CAN SEE THE FUTURE!

On Friday, Mitch adopted a new son named Tanner. (Hobie, we were told, was now living with his mother.) This was followed by an episode where April and Craig finally broke up, which seemed appropriate since April was like 19 and Craig was nearly 60. Craig apparently is a hotshot defense attorney but he was nowhere to be seen in the episode where Hobie was in jail. Craig is a bad friend.

On Saturday, Peter Barton co-starred as a race car driver who was officially sponsored by …. wait for it …. AOL! As a result, the entire episode featured people talking about how much they loved AOL. Mitch’s adopted son even checked his AOL account and got the “You have mail” prompt. “Hey, pal,” Mitch said, “you got mail!”

When future historians research the 90s, they’ll just watch episodes of Baywatch.

Court Cam (Wednesdays, A&E)

Don’t talk back to the judge or Dan Abrams will put you on TV and make fun of you.

Hell’s Kitchen (Monday Night, FOX)

There was a lot of raw chicken being sent up to the pass this week. The blue team lost again. This seems to be the way that it goes every season, though. The men start out losing, the women get overconfident, and eventually both teams kind of crash and burn.

Intervention (Monday Night, A&E)

The intervention didn’t work this week. Kelsey went to rehab but relapsed. It was sad for I’ll give Intervention some credit for admitting that these things don’t always have a happy ending.

Moone Boy (Sunday Night, PBS)

Martin graduated from national school and attempted to make sure that his name would be remembered by future classes! I remember, in high school, I was convinced the future students would never forget my graduating class. In retrospect, I’m not sure why I thought that. It’s not like Saved By The Bell, where the members of the New Class where still talking about the time Jessie got hooked on caffeine pills. Time marches on.

The Office (Saturday Afternoon, Comedy Central)

Amy Adams just wanted to sell purses. Michael bought her a $10,000 espresso machine. CRINGE! Still, hilarious though.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

It was a typical episode of Open All Hours. Arkwright abused Granville while Granville silently plotted his revenge.

The Powers of Matthew Star (Sunday Mornings, MeTV)

I was dealing with insomnia on Sunday so I did watch an episode of this old sci-fi series on MeTV. (I used to set the DVR for it but, up until this week, I had kind of lost interest in it.) Peter Barton — yes, the same Peter Barton who appeared on Baywatch this week — played an alien who was pretending to be a normal high school student. In this week’s episode, Matthew Star traveled to the Bermuda Triangle and got a tragic message from his homeworld. It was pretty silly but, as the title character, Peter Barton was sincere enough to nearly sell it.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

Screech got struck by lightning and suddenly had the power to see the future. Zack tried to use Screech’s powers to cheat on the History midterm. Unfortunately, Screech lost his powers and Zack got an “F minus …. for scamming!”

South Park (Wednesday Night, Comedy Central)

“Free Hat! Free Hat!” Actually, I don’t remember which episode it was that I watched but the Free Hat episode is always a good a default to go with.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

Incredibly proud of his new play, Will Shakespeare is stunned to discover that the few women in his life are not as enamored of The Taming of the Shrew as he is. Will simply cannot figure it out! This was a funny episode, mostly because it was true.

Lisa’s Week In Television: 5/16/21 — 5/22/21

Posted on May 22, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It was a busy week and yet, I still found time to watch what was probably too much television. Here are my thoughts for this week:

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

Trying to explain what happened on Sunday’s episode will not be easy but here goes. Having faked their deaths in the previous episode, the two British airmen were attempting to tunnel their way into a German POW camp. However, their tunnel ends up colliding with the tunnel of two other British airmen, who are attempting to dig their way out of the camp. In typical Allo Allo fashion, nearly every character on the show, whether British, German, or French, eventually ended up in the tunnel at the same time. When the tunnel collapses, everyone finds themselves in the POW camp. It was odd but funny, an enjoyably chaotic parody of movies like The Great Escape.

American Idol (Sunday Night, ABC)

I watched this week’s Final Four episode on the DVR and I have to admit that I fast forwarded through most of it. I just wanted to see who would make it into the top 3. Chayce, Willie, and Grace made it to the finale. Casey Bishop was eliminated. Because of the show’s weirdly rushed format, Casey didn’t get to say anything or even sing a goodbye song after being told that she had been rejected by America. Instead, the credits quickly flashed across the screen. It just didn’t feel right.

Of the final three …. well, I have no idea. In the past, it seems like Chayce would have won easily because of the whole country music thing but who knows? The judges seemed to really want the voters to pick Willie. Then again, the judges really just seemed to be going through the motions this season. There’s a real fear of being too negative. It’s not like the way it used to be when Simon hated everything and the other judges always seemed to be coming down from a coke binge.

Anyway, the finale is next week. I’m going to go ahead and predict that Chayce will win. I don’t know if I’m going to watch the finale or not. It’ll probably depend on what else is on at the time. (I refuse to set the DVR for the finale of a show that I know I’m going to forget about in two weeks.) It’s been a while since winning American Idol was really a big deal, to be honest. Maybe it would help if the show’s producers weren’t so determined to force everyone to sing sappy ballads.

Baywatch (Weekday Evenings, H&I)

The week in Baywatch got off to an extremely strange start on Sunday. The first episode featured Neely and Caroline competing for a modeling gig while Cody, Mitch, and Logan descended into the sewers to search for a mutant alligator. Neely got the gig and Mitch got the alligator. One thing that I did like about this episode is that the alligator was taken alive and donated to a zoo. The second episode featured a mysterious man trying to kill Logan, which led to Caroline wondering what it would be like if Charlie’s Angels were called in to save Logan’s life. Next thing you know, Caroline, Stephanie, and CJ were wearing wigs and bell bottoms and trying to solve the mystery of who was trying to kill Logan. Eventually, it was all revealed to be a dream. This was one of those meta episodes that Baywatch occasionally tried to do. Unfortunately, the show often struggled whenever it tried to be deliberately funny.

Monday was even stranger as the first episode opened with a bunch of lifeguard dragging a lifeless Hulk Hogan out of the ocean. Fortunately, they were able to bring Hogan back to life and, in order to thank them, Hogan and a bunch of wrestlers fought each other for charity. While that was going on, Stephanie was waiting to discover whether or not she had skin cancer. So, on the one hand, you had a very serious storyline about cancer and, on the other hand, you had a bunch of pro wrestlers yelling at each other on the beach. Fortunately, while Stephanie’s ultimate fate was left up in the air, the wrestlers raised enough money. Monday’s second episode featured Mitch sky-diving and this, of course, led to a lot of flashbacks to previous episodes, with some of the clips featured a totally different actor playing Mitch’s son because Baywatch was just like that. There were also some really weird green screen shots of David Hasselhoff with a bunch of fake clouds behind him. It also led to a lot of Hasselhoff voice over acting: “But if I’m unconscious, how can I know what’s happening? Am I dead?” (I may be remembering incorrectly but I thought this show already did a Mitch nearly dies while skydiving episode.) Fortunately, it turned out that Mitch’s death, much like the Charlie’s Angels episode, was just a dream.

On Tuesday, the first episode opened with Mitch trying to adopt a little girl who had never been on the show before. Eventually, I figured out that the episode was continuing a storyline that started on Baywatch Nights. In the end, Mitch did not go through the with the adoption and the little girl was sent to live with her grandparents in Iowa or Kansas or wherever it is that saintly grandparents tend to live. The second episode featured Mitch and Caroline trying to reunite a Vietnamese immigrant with her father. While they did that, CJ and Cody designed a special wheelchair so that a disabled friend would be able to roll across the sandy beach and experience the ocean firsthand. This led to a lot of shots of a sweaty, shirtless, and sexy David Chokachi handling a welding torch. Yum!

On Wednesday, the 1995 Baywatch “film,” Forbidden Paradise, was aired as a two-part episode. I reviewed it here.

Thursday started off with an odd episode, in which Stephanie discovered that she was cancer-free but, at the exact same moment she was getting her good news, a professional surfer was drowning and Logan was cheating on Caroline. It was a strangely philosophical episode but it did feature a surprisingly exciting rescue sequence. I think what made it work is that Michael Newman, who was an actual lifeguard, was the one doing the rescuing and you could tell that he actually knew what he was doing. The second episode featured Cody searching for Spanish gold and Newman, Logan, and Neely searching for a rat that was living in Baywatch headquarters.

Friday’s first episode started off with a new opening credits sequence that featured not only a bunch of new lifeguards but also the promotion of real-life lifeguard Michael Newman to the main cast. Yay, Newmie! The episode that followed featured Logan trying to make a movie about a killer shark and basically endangering everyone by filming with a real shark! At the end of the episode, Logan left Baywatch to become a director. Considering the number of people that Logan almost got killed during his time on the beach, I imagine the lifeguard were happy to see him go. The second episode found Mitch judging a beauty contest and having to deal with a new boss, Samantha Thomas (Nancy Valen).

Saturday’s episode featured an eccentric old man leaving CJ 4 millions dollars in his will and Hobie debating whether or not to get a tattoo. I have to admit that I didn’t pay much attention to it as I was preparing to host Saturday’s #ScarySocial live tweet.

The Brady Bunch (Sunday Morning, MTV)

I had this show playing in the background while I was cleaning around the house. I needed background noise to help me focus but I also needed something that I knew I would be in no danger of getting emotionally invested in. The adventures of America’s most annoying family fit the bill!

City Confidential (Thursday Night, Crime and Investigation)

The episode that I watched on Thursday night was about Boston and it told the story of a white man who claimed that two black carjackers had murdered his wife but who, it quickly became apparent, had actually committed the murder himself. With the city on the verge of a riot, he jumped off a bridge. It was a disturbing story and a far too common one.

Court Cam (Wednesday, A&E)

A&E’s stupidest reality show (and that’s saying something!) basically runs nonstop on Wednesdays. I watched two episodes on Wednesday afternoon and it was the typical collection of jocular judges, rude defendants, and teary-eyed victim statements, all breathlessly narrated by Dan Abrams. This show is basically like the 2021 version of those old “Totally Shocking Video” shows.

Fear Thy Neighbor (Saturday Afternoon, ID)

Fear Thy Neighbor is a true crime show that tells stories about neighbors who end up killing each other. On the one hand, it’s just as exploitive as it sounds. On the other hand, it does make you appreciate the neighbors who don’t try to kill each other. Whenever my neighbor gets on my nerves, I remind myself that at least he’s not one of the Fear Thy Neighbor neighbors.

Friends (Weeknights, Channel 33)

I watched Monday night’s episode. Monica was annoyed by Chandler’s fake laugh. Ross slept with the very annoying Janice. Chandler’s boss was played by the always-funny Sam McMurray. It was an okay episode, though I doubt it’s one they’ll discuss during the HBOMax reunion.

Gangs of London (Sunday nights, AMC)

I got caught up on Gangs of London this week, watching the three latest episodes (or, at least, the three latest episodes to be broadcast in the United States). I still struggle to follow the show and to keep track of who is working with who. That’s probably more due to me not watching on a regular basis than anything else. After watching the last three episodes, I’ve decided that Gangs of London works best as a parody of ultra-violent gangster epics. It’s all so over the top that it’s hard to believe that it was ever meant to be taken all that seriously.

One thing I did learn from watching the show is that Denmark apparently has a fearsome army. Who would have guessed?

Hill Street Blues (Weekday Mornings, H&I)

On Tuesday, the first episode of Hill Street Blues dealt with the aftermath of the murder of Officer Joe Coffey. Played by Ed Marinaro, Coffey had been a part of the show’s cast of characters since the first season and was at the center of many storylines. As such, you would think that the death of his character would be a big deal. Unfortunately, since Coffey had the misfortune of dying during the show’s sixth season, his death was mostly just an excuse for Lt. Norman Buntz to beat up a suspect and try to manipulate Coffey’s long-time partner into making an identification that she wasn’t sure about. The second of Tuesday’s episode featured more Norman Buntz drama as he found himself potentially being framed for the murder of another cop. Lindsay Crouse also joined the cast as a new police officer named Kate McBride who, in her first episode, got more screen time than people who had been there since the show began.

Wednesday’s first episode continued the trend of shining the spotlight on new characters as opposed to the old ones. Norman Buntz continued to threaten everyone he met. Kate McBride was accused of sexually harassing a prostitute and, though it turned out that the prostitute was lying, McBride did tell her partner, Lucy, that she was a lesbian. (The scene was so awkwardly handled that I was surprised McBride’s announcement wasn’t followed by a dramatic music cue.) Meanwhile, another new cop (played by a very young Chris Noth) tried to talk a man out of jumping off the ledge of a building. “Go ahead and jump but I don’t think you want to,” Noth said, right before the man jumped to his death. Whoops! The second episode of the morning found Detective Mick Belker reuniting with a former informant, Eddie, who died of AIDS at the end of the hour. The Belker/Eddie storyline was actually pretty effective and very well-acted by Bruce Weitz and Charles Levin. Unfortunately, it had to compete with space for scenes of Norman Buntz once again beating up suspects and Captain Furillo trying to decide whether or not to run for mayor. (The chief of police running for mayor makes sense and happens fairly frequently. But the captain of the city’s most notorious and troubled police precinct? It seems a bit less likely.)

The first of Thursday’s episodes featured Paul McCrane, who was suitable creepy as a serial killer who was captured by a group of angry citizens. This was also the last episode of season 6, as became obvious when the morning’s second episode featured completely different opening credits. (Jeff has warned me that Season 7 was even more Buntz-centric than Season 6. They probably should have renamed the show Hill Street Buntz.) The second episode featured an airplane crashing into the city, a briefcase full of cocaine getting stolen, and Buntz being held hostage. Buntz, it would seem, got held hostage quite frequently.

On Friday, the first episode featured Lt. Howard Hunter shooting a thief with a non-Department issued gun and being investigated by Internal Affairs as a result. As well, the public defenders office went on a work slow down to try to get better terms in a contract negotiation with the city. This led to Joyce Davenport getting into a physical altercation with a judge played by Jeffrey Tambor. It was actually a good episode, featuring a wonderful performance from James B. Sikking in the role of Hunter. The second episode, however, was a bit of a mess with the public defenders now on strike, Lucy introducing two new cops to life on the Hill, and Lt. Henry Goldblume abruptly going from being a bleeding heart liberal to being the type of cop who smirks while drawing a gun on a drug dealer. (The episode suggested that this was due to Buntz’s influence but Norman Buntz is exactly the type of cop that Goldblume hated just a few episodes ago. The real culprit was inconsistent writing.)

Finally, on Saturday, the first episode was another mixed bag. On the one hand, the episode featured a compelling storyline in which Capt. Furillio discovered that his recently-promoted, former second-in-command, Capt. Calletano, was struggling with running his new precinct. There was also a rather sweet moment where Assistant D.A. Irwin Bernstein admitted that he had a crush on Public Defender Joyce Davenport. However, there was also an incredibly icky storyline in which a new character, Officer Tina Russo, confessed that she had slept with a criminal (played by a youngish Chazz Palmenteri) while working undercover. And, of course, there was yet another largely pointless Norman Buntz storyline. The second episode was a mess. An old friend of Henry Goldblume’s got killed. (Doesn’t this happen every other episode?) Buntz glowered at everyone. Russo tried to defend her reputation even while the camera leered at her.

All in all, this show still has its moment but I’m glad that I’m nearly done with it.

Intervention (Mondays, A&E)

The first episode that I watched on Monday was a really old one, one that seems to get repeated rather frequently. Leslie is a soccer mom-turned-alcoholic whose children beg her to get help. As someone who grew up with an alcoholic parent, I have to admit that, whenever I see this episode, I have absolutely zero sympathy for Leslie. The episode aired in 2007 so her children are all adults now and I can only hope that they’ve managed to deal with the trauma that she put them through. Leslie did agree to go to rehab, though the show’s epilogue states that she relapsed a few times after getting treatment.

Leslie’s episode was followed by the story of Jason and Joy. Jason was a cocaine addict. His younger sister, Joy, was an alcoholic. As usual, I had more sympathy for the cocaine addict than I did for the alcoholic, which I guess suggests that I’m just biased against drunks. Fortunately, according to the episode’s epilogue, both Jason and Joy are now sober.

The third episode deal with hairstylist-turned-drug-addict Casey. To be honest, I cringed a bit when I saw that Ken Seeley was going to run her intervention because his interventions always seem to end in disaster. But, Casey actually agreed to get help for her addiction so yay! But the she left treatment early so boo! But then apparently, she got clean on her own so yay! As you can tell, the final three title cards were a real roller coater ride.

Later that night, I watched the two latest episodes of Intervention. Tim was a former MMA fighter turned addict. Shandra was an aspiring nurse turned addict. Both of them went to treatment, though Tim got kicked out after getting into a physical altercation with another patient. Let’s hope the best for them.

The Jetsons (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

I had this old cartoon playing in the background while I was cleaning the house on Sunday. George Jetson really was a whiny prick, wasn’t he?

Lauren Lake’s Paternity Court (Weekdays, Channel 33)

I watched two episodes on Tuesday because I’m a terrible person. Both episodes featured fairly trashy people so it was hard for me to really care about whether or not they stayed together.

Nobody drags out the relatively simple process of reading the results of a DNA test like Judge Lake.

Judge Lake: “Tell me about when you first got married….”

Actually, Judge Lake, why don’t you just open up the damn envelope and read the piece of paper inside?

Moone Boy (Sunday Night, PBS)

Sunday’s episode of Moone Boy centered around the Irish presidential election. It was nice to see that insane elections aren’t limited to the United States. At the end of the episode, Ireland elected it’s first woman president and Liam Moone helped to bathe the local fish monger. It’s a complicated story but the important thing is that everything worked out for the best.

The Office (All the Time, Comedy Central)

Product recall! Seriously, one of my favorite episodes ever. Michael calling that press conference is a classic Office moment. Angela’s inability to apologize is another great moment. I knew exactly what she was going through. I watched this episode of Thursday. It’s probably the 100th time I’ve seen this episode but I still laughed the whole time. It’s a classic.

On Friday, I watched three classic two-parters — Dunder Mifflin Infinity, Launch Party (“Lanch Party!?”), and Money. The scenes of Jim and Pam spending the weekend at Shrute Farms are some of my favorites from the entire series. (“Does Mose often have nightmares?” “Oh yes. Ever since …. the storm.”)

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

On Sunday night’s episode, Arkwright was concerned that an old school chum named Chalky White was going to steal away Nurse Gladys Emmanuel. Arkwright’s worries turned out to be unfounded. He should have been more concerned about the fact that Granville is obviously only a few more insults away from snapping and blowing up the store.

Philly D.A. (Tuesday Night, PBS)

On Tuesday, I watched two episodes of the PBS docuseries, Philly D.A. This is a series that follows Philadelphia D.A. Larry Krasner over the course of his first term. The blandly smug Krasner is a progressive who is determined to reform the culture of Philadelphia law enforcement. The series follows not only him but also his critics and the prisoners he’s released and the families who have been effected by the crime of those prisoners. Like Parking Wars, this is a series whose main message seems to be, “For the Love of God, stay out of Philadelphia.”

And really, it should be interesting but the series is so extremely one-sided that it comes across as being propaganda. It’s so obvious that the series is on Krasner’s side that you never feel like you can trust it to give you the whole story and I say this as someone who strong believes that the criminal justice system does need to be reformed. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, seeing as how this is a PBS production. Let’s just say that you’ll never see a similarly uncritical docuseries following the first term of a politician on the opposite side of the political divide.

(Interestingly enough, while I was watching this on Tuesday, Kraser was easily defeating a credible challenger in the city’s Democratic primary.)

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch (Sunday, Fuse)

Sabrina! Listen, I know that a lot of people enjoyed that Netflix series more than Case and I did but for me, the only true Sabrina is Melissa Joan Hart and the only true Salem is the one who could actually talk. I watched four episodes of Sabrina, The Teenage Witch on Sunday and they were all fun and, as opposed to the Netflix series, brightly lit.

Saved By The Bell (IFC, Monday Morning)

On Monday, I caught the infamous “All in the Mall” episode of Saved By The Bell. This is the episode in which the gang goes to the mall to buy tickets for the big U2 (?) concert but, because they’re stupid enough to trust Screech to be able to buy the tickets, everything gets screwed up. However, they do find a bag full of money. Unfortunately, two criminals want the money too! Or do they? It turns out that it’s all a set up for Totally Candid Video! The gang’s reward for appearing on the show? Tickets to the big U2 concert! Personally, I would have rather had the money.

Seinfeld (Channel 33, Weeknights)

On Monday’s episode, Elaine tried to put a clothing store out of business, Newman and Kramer competed to throw the bet millennium party (this episode was from the 90s, remember), and Jerry’s girlfriend of the week was played by Lauren Graham. It was a funny episode.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

Alas poor William Shakespeare. All Shakespeare wants is a family coat of arms so that he and his father can be “posh” but the man who is in charge of handing out such honors is Robert Greene, who has always disliked the Shakespeares. Perhaps if Shakespeare can throw a successful dinner party for Kit Marlowe’s new best friend, a Moorish prince named Othello, he’ll be able to convince Greene that he deserves to be a gentleman. However, when Greene discovers that Othello has fallen in love with Kate, Greene plots to trick Othello into murdering (or, at the very least, attacking) Shakespeare. It’s all rather complicated (and, as usual, rather funny). Hopefully, someone will write a play about it.

Favorite moment from Sunday’s episode: Greene tricks Othello into thinking that Shakespeare has the handkerchief that Othello originally gave to Kate. Othello starts to lose his temper.

Greene: “Ah, the green-eyed monster….”

Othello: “Perhaps you’re right. Don’t want to jump to any conclusions.”

In the end, it’s revealed that Othello stole all of his amazing stories from Sir Walter Raleigh’s latest book and Kate breaks up with him. All’s well that ends well.

Yes, Minister (Sunday Night, PBS)

Even by the standards of Yes, Minster, Sunday’s episode was a dark and cynical one. Don’t get me wrong. It was funny but the laughter was somewhat uneasy. Jim Hacker discovered two things over the course of the episode. Number one, British-made weapons were being sold to Italian terrorists. Number two, there was nothing he could do about it. As Sir Humphrey explained it, telling the Prime Minister would lead to an inquiry and an inquiry would lead to the discovery of all sorts of government scandals and the end result would be the government falling, Jim losing his position, and the terrorists still receiving their weapons. In the end, even Jim decided that his career was more important than doing the right thing. At least in Jim’s case, he didn’t seem to be happy about it.

Halfway through this melancholy episode, Bernard asked Sir Humphrey if Jim was right about the civil service being amoral. Humphrey explained that, of course, Jim was right. The role of the civil service, Humphrey explained, was not to worry about right or wrong. The role of the civil service was to support whichever government happened to be in power. Having personal beliefs went against that. As I said, it was all pretty cynical but it was also definitely more believable than any of the good government propaganda that we tend to get here in the United States. Aaron Sorkin wishes he could have written something as effective as Sunday’s episode of Yes, Minister.

Zombie House Flipping (Saturday Morning, A&E)

No zombies. Not since The Floor is Lava have a I felt so deceived.

Lisa’s Week In Television: 5/2/21 — 5/8/21

Posted on May 8, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Another week, another list of television programming. Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week:

9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lone Star (Monday Night, FOX)

I watched both of these shows this week and yet, I don’t remember a damn thing about them. If you don’t remember a show, did it actually air?

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

This week, the latest daring plan to get the British airmen out of France came to naught. The plan was to use a lawn mower motor to power an antique airplane. Rene said it wouldn’t work and, not surprisingly, it didn’t. I will admit that I laughed so hard at the end of this rather frantic episode that I nearly fell off the living room couch.

Baywatch (Weekdays, H&I)

Life on the beach continues!

On the first of Sunday’s two episodes, Kathleen Kinmont played an FBI agent who went undercover as a lifeguard. Unfortunately, despite the fact that she was supposed to be keeping an eye on the girlfriend of an escaped convict, she was also expected to do lifeguard stuff. This led to some conflict with Mitch. For the record, Mitch was right in that it made absolutely no sense for an FBI agent to pretend to be a lifeguard. The second episode of the night featured a phony treasure hunt, one that attracted real crooks and brought chaos to the beach! Jeff Garlin appeared as a radio DJ who fell in love with CJ. Both episodes were thoroughly silly, though the one with the FBI agent was a smidgen less silly because Kathleen Kinmont appeared to be taking her role more seriously than Jeff Garlin took his.

Monday’s first episode was an odd one. Apparently, there was some sort of weird “red dust wind” blowing over the California coast and, as a result, everyone on the beach was a little bit stranger than usual. Geraldo Rivera guest-starred as a man whose fiancé was secretly in love with Mitch. (In order to get her to fall out of love with him, Mitch took her on a date and acted like a dorky jackass. It didn’t work.) Meanwhile, John O’Hurley (of Seinfeld, Family Feud, and Dancing With Stars fame) played desperate father who was searching for his daughter. This was followed by an episode the featured jet ski training and plenty of beach volleyball action. I’ve noticed that every season of Baywatch featured at least one episode that featured someone getting jet ski training.

Tuesday brought us a Christmas-themed two-parter. Santa’s elves took a vacation on the beach. Hobie befriended yet another homeless girl. Mitch tried to help a homesick lifeguard. And Pamela Anderson fell in love with a priest but sadly, his commitment to God came first. “Y’know,” he told her, “we’re in the same business, saving lives.”

On Wednesday, Logan married a rich widow so that he could get his green card and then, during the second episode, Stephanie was held hostage by an environmental terrorist. It’s amazing how often the lifeguards ended up getting held hostage. I would probably be so traumatized after being held hostage just once that I would look for a new job. These lifeguards somehow manage to handle it happening on a twice-a-month basis.

On Thursday, Mitch asked Tracy to marry him, just to discover that she only had two weeks to live. He spent those weeks trying to make her as happy as possible. The second episode dealt with Mitch trying to recover from Tracy’s death. These episodes were surprisingly effective. Baywatch‘s total lack of irony and willingness to embrace the melodrama really paid off.

The first of Friday’s episodes found Mitch coming to terms with having never lived up to the expectations of his dead father. This was followed by an episode in which Logan needed Stephanie’s help to keep him from being deported back to Australia. In the end, it all worked out and everyone had fun. That’s the important thing.

On Saturday, CJ’s blind ex-boyfriend showed up and help Mitch break up yet another crime ring. This time the master criminal was played by Richard Lynch, who appeared to be having fun. Again, that’s the most important thing!

Court Cam (Wednesdays, A&E)

Dan Abrams’s replacement for Live PD continued the A&E reality show tradition of exploiting people’s misery. I had the show on while I was cleaning the house on Wednesday and I still feel awful about it.

Friends (Weekdays, Channel 33 and HBOMax)

During the episode that I watched on Tuesday night, Rachel and Monica got new jobs while Ross, Chandler, and Joey spent a night hitting the clubs and discovered that they weren’t young anymore. If I remember correctly, it seems like this was something that happened rather frequently on Friends. That said, I enjoyed this episode more than the one I watched a few weeks ago because Matthew Perry looked much healthier.

Hill Street Blues (Weekday Mornings, H&I)

Tuesday morning’s episodes of Hill Street Blues started with Public Defender Chapman (played by future 3-time Oscar winner Frances McDormand) getting fired from her job when it was discovered that she was hooked on cocaine. Meanwhile, Gina (played by future Oscar nominee Jennifer Tilly) was gunned down in a restaurant while having dinner with her boyfriend, Lt. Henry Goldblume (Joe Spano). The episode that followed that found Goldblume going a bit off the deep end as he obsessively investigated Gina’s murder. It’s was all very well-acted by Joe Spano, even if you do have to wonder if there anyone who worked on the Hill who did not, at some point during their service, see a friend or a loved one gunned down in front of them. Judging from what I’ve seen of the show, it was apparently a fairly regular occurrence.

Wednesday morning started off with an episode in which massive police corruption was uncovered, Henry finally started to properly grieve for Gina, and Captain Furillo admitted that he had started drinking again. It also featured an appearance from James Cromwell, speaking in an exaggerated Irish accent, in the role of an animal trainer. The second episode, however, had an entirely new credits sequence, one that featured some new faces in the cast, and — even more importantly — no longer featured half of the cast from the previous episode. In other words, a new season had begun! According to Jeff, I’ve now entered season 6 of Hill Street Blues, which is when the show starts to go downhill. So, we’ll see how long I stick with it, I guess. Anyway, the second episode took place at night and featured a now fully recovered Henry getting held hostage by a militant cult leader, who was played by Yaphet Kotto.

Thursday morning saw two episodes dealing with the death of Officer Harry Garibaldi. Played by Ken Olin, Harry was a regular during the pervious season but his disappearance from the opening credits left little doubt that he would not survive being stabbed by a bookie. Of course, the show still milked the question of whether or not Harry would die for all the drama that it could. (The main problem, of course, is that Harry was never a particularly likable character to begin with.) Kiel Martin, who was consistently one of the best actors on the show, had an amazing scene after Harry died, in which his character, recovering alcoholic J.D. LaRue, had a complete meltdown.

When I watched Friday morning’s episodes of Hill Street Blues, I came to understand what Jeff meant about this season being the beginning of the end. The first episode featured the arrest of Harry Garibaldi’s murderer. The suspect, who only confessed because he had suckered Furillo into giving him an immunity deal, was then gunned down by Harry’s father. So, yes, the murderer was dead but unfortunately, Harry’s father was going to prison for life. In previous episodes, this would have led to some serious reflection on the part of the characters. However, this time,, everyone just shrugged off the fate of Harry’s father. The bad guy was dead and nothing else mattered. The second episode featured a mentally ill man who thought he was the movie character Rambo. It was all fun and games until he tragically died at the end of the episode. Again, this is a trick that Hill Street Blues played so often that, from the minute the guy showed up, I knew what was going to eventually happen to him. If you’re quirky during the first half of an episode of Hill Street Blues, you’ll be dead by the end of the second half.

Things continued to go downhill during the first of Saturday’s episodes as a new character, Lt. Norman Buntz (played by Dennis Franz), went on a personal vendetta against a petty thief. Buntz eventually ended up executing the thief during a liquor store robbery. Previously, Hill Street Blues would have held a character like Buntz in contempt but, during this new season, apparently the show’s moral compass was reset. The first episode of the morning also featured Detective Neal Washington getting shot for what seemed to be the 100th time. I have to admit that I didn’t pay much attention to the second episode, beyond noting that Michael Richards (a.k.a. Karmer from Seinfeld) was playing a crook. Otherwise, life on the Hill suddenly felt far less interesting than it did at the start of this week.

Judge Jerry (Weekdays, Syndication)

Jerry Springer is a TV judge now! Nobody in the courtroom fights or yells. In fact, due to COVID, the gallery is empty and all of the cases are “virtual.” Somehow, Jerry comes across as being even more sleazy when he’s being respectable than he did when he was hosting his circus of a talk show.

The Office (All the Time, Comedy Central)

On Tuesday, I watched several episodes from season 4. I started with Dinner Party and I ended with Goodbye Toby. As a result, I had both Hunter’s song and Michael’s rendition Goodbye Toby stuck in my head for several hours. I’ve also spent this week telling random people, in my best Holly Flax voice, “Kevin, I’m really proud of you!”

The Old Guys (Sunday Night, PBS)

This week, Tom’s daughter nearly married Sally’s son. It didn’t work out, naturally. The main theme of this episode seemed to be that old people are clueless about new technology but that young people are just stupid in general. As with the previous episodes that I’ve seen, the jokes weren’t extremely clever but they were very well-delivered by Jane Asher, Clive Swift, and Roger Lloyd-Pack. Apparently, this was also the last episode of The Old Guys and, starting this Sunday night, PBS will be airing a different British sitcom in its place.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

On this week’s episode, Arkwright continued to abuse Granville and Granville continued to hate every moment of his existence. This is one bleak show.

The Rookies (Sunday Morning, H&I)

H&I aired two episodes of this old 70s cop show on Sunday morning. I watched both but I only remember one. It dealt with an older cop being driven crazy by the stress of the job and the feeling of being underappreciated. The Rookies were able to talk him down.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)

I watched two episodes of this classic show on Sunday morning. The first episode featured Zack skipping school because he was apparently too exhausted after the summer to handle class. It was his mother’s idea. On the one hand, I could full sympathize with skipping school but, on the other hand, who asks for permission beforehand? I guess that’s what happens when you’re making a show about high school in which the lead character is expected to be both a rebel and a role model. Anyway, the various members of the Saved By The Bell cast came by to visit Zack and they thought about everything that happened over the summer. Is there anything more creatively bankrupt than a clip show?

The second episode was the one where Zack and Slater get into a physical brawl in the school hallway because they both like the same girl. This episode is a personal favorite of mine. If Belding hadn’t intervened, Slater would have totally kicked Zack’s ass.

Seinfeld (Weeknights, Channel 33 and Hulu)

I watched an episode on Tuesday night. Elaine was confused by her new boyfriend’s love for the song Desperado. George was confused the fact that the local cult was willing to brainwash everyone but him. Jerry destroyed a valuable chest of drawers and Kramer nearly killed some tourists. It made me laugh. That said, at the end of the episode, it was kind of implied that Elaine’s boyfriend died because the ER doctor was distracted by the song Witchy Woman. That was dark!

Storage Wars (Tuesday Night, A&E)

To be honest, the only reason I watched the two latest episodes was to see if there was any new Brandi/Jarrod developments. There were not. In fact, Jarrod was not in any either of the episodes and Brandi was only in one. Unfortunately, neither of the episodes were that interesting. With the exception of Ivy, I’ve never cared much for any of the replacement buyers who have shown up on the show over the years. I like the old crew — Barry, Hester, Darryl, and Bradi & Jarrod. Oh well. The past is the past.

Unsolved Mysteries (Netflix)

On Wednesday, Case, Leonard, and I watched an episode about a group of people from the same Massachusetts town who all say that they were abducted by aliens in 1969. As a passionate skeptic when it come to all things paranormal, my theory is that hippies spiked the town’s drinking water with LSD.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

While traveling back to Stratford, Shakespeare and his friends run into three witches who provide him with three cryptic prophecies. Later, Shakespeare fears that he may have accidentally killed his neighbor, a Scotsman named MacBuff. Haunted by guilt and what he mistakenly believes is a ghost, Shakespeare is relieved to eventually to discover that MacBuff did not die. Shakespeare resolves to write a comedy about the whole thing. This was another brilliantly funny episode.

The Voice (Monday Night, NBC)

On Monday night, the show took a look back at the “road to lives.” I didn’t pay that much attention but still, I wish everyone the best of luck. (Come to think of it, I also didn’t pay much attention to 9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lone Star when I watched them on Monday. What was going on at the start of the week that had me so distracted? Hopefully, whatever it was, I resolved it.)

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

This week’s episode was brilliant. After finding out that a defense contract had been rewarded as a result of bribery, Jim was determined to reveal the truth regardless of the consequences. Then, he discovered that his wife had accepted a very expensive present from the same contractor and he quickly changed his mind. Last week featured Jim getting the better of Humphrey. This week, things got back to normal as Humphrey and Bernard got the better of Jim (even though it was kind of Bernard’s fault that Jim’s wife received the potentially problematic present in the first place). Paul Eddington’s performance in this week’s episode, alternating between self-righteous pomposity and desperate sputtering, was a work of comedic genius. Despite the fact that this show is older than I am, Yes, Minister is definitely my favorite of the shows that I currently watch on a regular basis.

Lisa’s Week In Television: 4/18 — 4/24

Posted on April 25, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Jeff and I finally got to go to the lake this week! This was something we had been planning on doing since Valentine’s Day. Our plans were originally put on hold by the big winter storm and then after that, we decided to wait until Spring Break was over so that we could have some peace and quiet.

We went up to the lake on Monday and, though we have a TV up here, we decided to watch it as little as possible. As a result, there’s not a lot listed below but that’s okay. Sometimes you need a break from all of that!

Allo Allo (Sunday Night, PBS)

Bit of a disjointed episode this Sunday but Allo Allo appears to have been a show that was at its best when everyone was scrambling around for various reasons. Herr Flick was looking for the painting. The Resistance stole a lawnmower engine. Rene just tried to keep things calm at the café. It was a funny episode, even if I did find it next to impossible to follow what was actually going on.

Baywatch (Weeknight, H&I)

Because I was on vacation, I only watched Sunday’s episodes of Baywatch this week and I have to admit that I was busy packing at the time so I didn’t really pay much attention. The first episode featured David Hasselhoff being stalked by a psychotic Australian lifeguard. Oddly enough, the first season of Baywatch also featured a self-centered Australian lifeguard, who Hasselhoff was constantly reprimanding. You have to kind of wonder what Baywatch had against Australian lifeguards.

The second episode featured Mitch’s son falling in love with a terminally ill girl. That was sad but, then again, that also seems like something that happened fairly frequently on Baywatch. There was one episode, if I remember correctly, where Mitch’s son fell in love with a homeless girl and then another where he was in love with a babysitter who was being stalked by a gangster or something like that.

The drama never ends on the beach.

The Floor Is Lava (Netflix)

I watched three episodes of this silly Escape Room-style game show on Netflix. Then I realized that the contestants weren’t actually falling in real lava and I lost interest.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, Thursday Night)

Even though we had a general no network TV rule in effect for most of the week, Jeff and I did watch the finale of Hell’s Kitchen on Thursday. Unfortunately, the supercool Mary Lou lost to the superbland Kori. I’m guessing Kori won because she’s older and has more experience than Mary Lou but it was still an extremely disappointing way for an otherwise good season to end.

The Old Guys (Sunday Night, PBS)

On Sunday’s episode, the old guys were extremely excited when Sally had to temporarily move in with them while some work was being done at her house. They even bribed the man who had been hired to do the work to drag things out so that Sally would have to stay with them for more than a week. Unfortunately, it didn’t really work out as Sally found the old guys to be too formal and the old guys were upset by Sally’s habit of blurting out the news after reading it online, therefore spoiling the 10 O’clock News. Finally, the old guys tried to finish the work on Sally’s house themselves and things got screwed up even further. As usual, the performances of Jane Asher, Roger Lloyd-Pack, and Clive Swift did a lot to make up for a generally predictable storyline.

Open All Hours (Sunday Night, PBS)

Another episode, another 30 minutes of waiting for Granville to snap and kill Arkwright. This time, Arkwright deliberately misspelled the word “special” to encourage people to come into the shop. Granville looked like he was on the verge of snapping but he stopped himself at the last minute.

The Rookies (Sunday Morning, H&I)

This week’s episodes were a bit boring. The first one dealt with four cops going undercover at a singles complex to catch a serial killer. Unfortunately, the identity of the killer was revealed during the first minute of the show so there wasn’t much suspense. The second episode featured Andy Robinson (he played the Scorpio Killer in Dirty Harry, which came out a year before The Rookies started to air) as a criminal trying to harass the wife of one of the police officers. One of the things that I’ve noticed about The Rookies is that each episode is self-contained. There’s no continuing storylines, like we’ve come to expect from television shows today. Instead, every episode is some new, huge drama that will last an hour and will never be mentioned again. The main characters are continually getting shot at, kidnapped, and threatened but apparently, it has absolutely no effect on their psychological well-being. It’s good to be them, I guess.

Saved By The Bell (Sunday morning, MeTV)

A girl named Christy wanted to join the wrestling team! GASP! Zack helped to get her a spot on the team but then got embarrassed when she beat up two Valley High bullies who were giving him a hard time. Jessie went from supporting Christy to condemning her when she thought Christy was trying to seal away Slater. Fortunately, by the end o the episode, everyone had learned a valuable lesson and had become a better person. Christy was never seen again.

South Park (Sunday Morning, Comedy Central)

The gang went to the rain forest and discovered that it totally sucked! I know people who actually find this episode to be incredibly offensive. Personally, I think it’s hilarious because being trapped in the rain forest probably does suck.

Unsolved Mysteries (Netflix)

On Wednesday, me, Case, and Leonard live tweeted an episode of Netflix’s Unsolved Mysteries. It was about whether or not people in Japan were being haunted by ghosts following the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami. It started out a bit depressing but, by the end of it, it was actually rather touching and life-affirming. Personally, though, I don’t believe in ghosts.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

William Shakespeare was nearly humiliated by his rival, Robert Greene, and Kit Marlowe stole another play. All in all, it was just another day in Elizabethan London.

Yes, Minster (Monday Morning, PBS)

Poor Jim Hacker! On this week’s episode, Jim again tried to cut back on government waste and Sir Humphrey again conspired to keep him from doing that. This time, Sir Humphrey’s scheme was to distract Hacker by telling him about the sorry state of the UK’s nuclear fallout structures. Jim went on another crusade, one that was going well until he accidentally insulted the Prime Minister during a television interview. The thing that makes Yes, Minster such an interesting show is that you’re natural inclination is to be on Jim Hacker’s side (he means well) but, at the same time, there’s something delightfully entertaining about watching Sir Humphrey thwart all of those good intentions.