Tag Archives: reviews

6 Quickies With Lisa Marie: Atlas Shrugged, Beautiful Boy, Crazy Stupid Love, The Devil’s Double, Sarah’s Key, and Water For Elephants

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

For my first post-birthday review post, I want to take a look at 6 films that I saw earlier this year but, for whatever reason, I haven’t gotten a chance to review yet.  My goal has been to review every single 2011 release that I’ve seen this year.  So far, I’ve only seen 106 2011 films and I still need to review 21 of them.  So, without further ado, let’s “gang bang this baby out” as a former employer of mine used to say. (*Shudder*  Seriously, what a creepy thing to say…)

1) Atlas Shrugged, Part One (dir. by Paul Johansson)

What to say about Atlas Shrugged, Part One?  When I recently rewatched it OnDemand with a friend of mine who had just gotten back from Occupying somewhere, he threw a fit as soon as he heard wealthy 1 percenter Graham Beckel declaring, “I am on strike!”  When I first saw it earlier in the year, in a theater full of strangers, they broke out into applause when they heard the same line.  Atlas Shrugged is a wonderfully divisive film.   If you’re a political person, your enjoyment of this film will probably come down to which news network  you watch. If you enjoy those MSNBC spots where Rachel Maddow won’t shut up about the freakin’ Hoover Dam, you’ll probably hate Atlas Shrugged.  If you truly believe that Fox News is “fair and balanced,” chances are you’ll enjoy it.  But what if you’re like me and the only politics you follow are the politics of film and you only bow at the altar of cinema?  Well, I enjoyed Atlas Shrugged because the film really is a grindhouse film at heart.  It’s an uneven, low-budget film that has a few good performances (Beckel and Taylor Schilling), several bad performances, and ultimately, it goes totally against what establishment films have conditioned us to expect when we go to the movies.  Ultimately, the film is a big middle finger extended at both the film and the political establishments and who can’t get behind that?  Add to that, Roger Ebert hated it and when was the last time he was right about anything?

2) Beautiful Boy (dir. by Shawn Ku)

I’ve read a lot of rapturous reviews of this film online and my aunt Kate loved it when she saw it at the Dallas Angelika earlier this year.  So, admittedly, when I watched this film via OnDemand, I had pretty high hopes and expectations but, unfortunately, none of those expectations came anywhere close to being met.  In the film, two of my favorite performers — Michael Sheen and Maria Bello — play the middle-class parents who have to deal with the consequences (both emotional and physical) of a terrible crime perpetrated by their son.  The film is based on the Virginia Tech massacre and both Sheen and Bello give excellent performances but overall, the film feels like a thoroughly shallow exploration of some various serious issues.  Ultimately, the film’s refusal to provide an explanation for the crime feels less like a brave, artistic choice and more like a cop-out.  The film is less abstract than Gus Van Sant’s Elephant and Denis Villeneuve’s Polytechnique but it’s also a lot less effective.

3)Crazy, Stupid Love (dir. by John Requa and Glenn Ficarra)

I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive Steve Carell for abandoning The Office and forcing upon me the current, almost painful season of the show.  Still, I can’t totally blame him because the guy is totally a film star and he proves it in Crazy, Stupid Love by holding his own with other certifiable film stars like Ryan Gosling, Kevin Bacon, Marisa Tomei, Julianne Moore, and Emma Stone.  In the film, Julianne Moore plays Carell’s wife who leaves him for a coworker (played by Kevin Bacon, doing his charming jerk routine).  The depressed Carell is taken under the wing of womanizer Gosling who teaches Carell how to be more confident and appealing.  Things seem to be working out well until Gosling starts going out with Carell’s daughter (played by Emma Stone).  The movie, itself, isn’t anything special and it’s really kind of a mess but it’s saved by a massively appealing cast.  And, by the way, Ryan Gosling —très beau!  Seriously.

4) The Devil’s Double (dir. by Lee Tamahori)

Taking place in pre-Desert Storm Iraq, The Devil’s Double claims to tell the true story of Latif Yahia, an Iraqi who was forced to serve as the double for the sociopathic young dictator-in-training Uday Hussien.  I’ve read that there’s some debate as to how faithful The Devil’s Double is to the facts of the story and it is true that Latif is portrayed as being almost too good to be true but no matter.  The Devil’s Double is a compelling and oddly fascinating little gangster film, one that manages to show the dangerous appeal of the excessive lifestyle of a man like Uday Hussien without ever actually being seduced by it.   The film is dominated by Dominic Cooper, who gives a great performance playing both the tortured Latif and the cheerfully insane Uday. 

5) Sarah’s Key (dir by Gilles Paquet-Brenner)

Sarah’s Key tells two stories at once and, the result, is a film that feels very schizophrenic in quality.  The better part of the film deals with Sarah, a 10 year-old Jewish girl living in Nazi-occupied France.  When Sarah and her parents are sent to a concentration camp, her younger brother is left behind in Paris.  Sarah eventually manages to escape and desperately tries to get back to Paris to rescue her brother.  Meanwhile, in the modern-day, a journalist (Kristen Scott Thomas) researches Sarah’s story and discovers that her French husband’s family has a connection of their own with Sarah’s story.  The film is compelling and heart-breaking as long as it concentrates on Sarah but, unfortunately, the modern-day scenes feel forced and predictable and the end result is a film that’s never quite as good as it obviously could have been.

6) Water For Elephants (dir. by Francis Lawrence)

Look, I make no apologies — I freaking loved this movie.  Yes, plotwise, this film feels almost like a parody and yes, so much of this film was over-the-top and kinda silly but I don’t care.  I loved this film for the old-fashioned, melodramatic, and rather campy spectacle that it is.  Robert Pattinson plays a Depression-era Ivy League college student-turned-hobo who ends up joining the circus and falling in love with Reese Whitherspoon, the wife of insane circus owner, Christoph Waltz.  Pattinson isn’t much of an actor but he’s easy on the eyes and he and Whitherspoon have just enough chemistry to remain watchable.  The film, however, is totally dominated by Waltz who is both charming and scary.  The next time your man makes you sit through anything starring Jason Statham, you make him watch Water for Elephants.

A Quickie With Lisa Marie: The Ides of March (dir. by George Clooney)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

George Clooney’s new political film The Ides of March opened last Friday and so far it appears to have mostly gotten positive reviews that are more respectful than enthusiastic.  Well, I saw The Ides of March on Tuesday evening and all I can say is “Don’t believe everything you hear.”  That should be a given but it’s always worth repeating.  The Ides of March is a slow, ponderous, and at times completely annoying movie, a minor work dealing with major themes.

The film is based on the play Farragut North and it’s about Stephen (Ryan Gosling), a political consultant who is working on the presidential campaign of Gov. Mike Morris (George Clooney).  Morris is a typical Hollywood Democratic politician in that he gives a lot of speeches attacking America’s dependence on foreign oil and he’s not ashamed to admit that he’s an atheist.  Anyway, despite the fact that Morris comes across as being smug and something of a sexist, he’s the front runner for the Democratic Presidential nomination but only if he can win the Ohio primary.  For all of his attempts to be as cynical as his mentor (Philip Seymour Hoffman, giving a typical Philip Seymour Hoffman performance), Stephen truly believes in Mike Morris.  However, Stephen comes across some information that could potentially destroy Morris’ campaign and he soon finds himself a pawn in a game between Morris, the press (represented by Marisa Tomei, who looks terrible in this film), and the opposing campaign (managed by Paul Giamatti).

Yes, The Ides of March has a lot to say but it’s absolutely nothing you haven’t heard before and, quite frankly, it’s kind of annoying how the film seems to think that this is the first time that anyone’s ever suggested that maybe politics is a dirty business.  The film’s not a total waste because there’s way too many talented people involved here for the film not to have the occasional good moment.  Gosling and Clooney both give strong performances and play off each other well.  They have a scene where they confront each other in a deserted kitchen and for a few brief seconds, the film actually gets interesting.  Playing an emotionally unstable intern, Evan Rachel Wood shows once again that she’s one of the best actresses working today and it’s just a shame that the film treats her more like a plot device than an actual human being.  At the same time, I have to say that this is the first time I’ve ever seen Paul Giamatti actually give a performance that can only be called bad.  Seriously, how could the same actor who was so brilliant in Win Win be so terrible in this movie?

Ultimately though, the film fails because — once you get past all the glamour on-screen — what you have is a very predictable political film that, especially in these days of Tea Parties and Occupy Movements, feels rather quaint and forced.  This is yet another one of those films where, apparently, the only way that the main character can learn a lesson is for a supporting character to commit suicide.  There’s a lot of would-be cynical dialogue and Clooney manages to include references to Rush Limbaugh and the Drudge Report but ultimately, the whole film feels as false as the romantic short stories I used to write in the 8th grade.

The film’s name is obviously meant to carry hints of Shakespeare but perhaps a more honest title would have been Much Ado About Nothing.

6 More Quickies With Lisa Marie: Beginners, Hall Pass, Horrible Bosses, Paul, Prom, and Terri

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

When I swore to myself that I would write a review of every new film I saw in 2011, I failed to take into consideration that 1) I see a lot of films, 2) I have a day job, and 3) I’m like Ms. ADHD.  So, as part of my effort to catch up, here’s 6 quickie reviews. 

Beginners (directed by Mike Mills)

Beginners opened with a lot of critical hype earlier this year and, though it’s not quite as great as it’s being made out to be, it still deserved the majority of that praise.  At the very least, I retain better memories of Beginners than I do this summer’s other similarly hyped film, A Better Life.  Ewan McGregor is an artist who struggles to come terms with the death of his gay father (Christopher Plummer) while falling in love with a French actress (Melanie Laurent).  The autobiographical film effortlessly shifts from flashbacks to Plummer’s life in-and-out of the closet to McGregor’s relationship with Laurent and the end result is a meditation on love, secrets, and life.  Most of the pre-release buzz dealt with Plummer’s performance but, honestly, Plummer is good but you never forget you’re watching Christopher Plummer and Goran Visnjic, who plays Plummer’s boyfriend, overacts.  The film really belongs to Ewan McGregor who gives one of his best performances in this film.  Seriously, does any actor fall in love as wonderfully as Ewan McGregor?

Hall Pass (directed by Peter and Bobby Farrelly)

Best friends Owen Wilson and Jason Sudekis are given a “hall pass” (i.e., permission to cheat) by their spouses (Jenna Fischer and Cristina Applegate).  The film’s forgettable but seriously, guys, don’t go asking us for a hall pass, okay?  One interesting point is that this film was co-written by the guy who won the first season of Project Greenlight.  Remember that show? 

Horrible Bosses (directed by Set Gordon)

Jason Sudekis also appeared in another comedy this year and if Hall Pass is one of the year’s most forgettable comedies, than Horrible Bosses is one of the best.  Basically Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, and Sudekis are stuck working for horrible bosses (played by Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, and Jennifer Aniston) and they decide that the only way to handle the situation is to commit mass murder.  There’s a lot I could say about this film but chances are, you’ve already seen it.  Therefore, you already know that this is a rare dark comedy that actually has the guts to be truly dark.  You also know that the entire cast brings an almost heroic sincerity to their often bizarre roles with Charlie Day’s misunderstood sex offender as an obvious stand-out.  Probably the best advice that I can give in this review is to enjoy and appreciate this film while you can before the inevitable sequel comes out and screws up all these good memories.

Paul (directed by Greg Mottola)

I didn’t see Paul when it was first released in theaters because the trailer really made it look kinda awful.  However, I did eventually give it a shot OnDemand and I was pleasantly surprised.  Two English sci-fi fanboys (played by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost) are taking a road trip to visit all of the major UFO sites in the U.S.  This leads to them meeting an alien named Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen) who is being pursued by the typical guys in black suits.  Anyway, this is a predictable film and the balance between the serious and comedic is often a bit awkward.  However, it’s still a likable film and how can’t you enjoy watching Pegg and Frost?  They can make even the lamest of jokes hilarious.  Kristen Wiig steals the film as a fundamentalist who, upon being enlightened about the nature of the universe by Paul, embraces blasphemy with endearing enthusiasm.

Prom (directed by Joe Nussbaum)

No, I did not force Jeff to take me to see this when it was first released in theaters back in April.  I tried, mostly be saying things like, “Wow, Prom looks like it would be a funny movie to see and spend the whole time making mean jokes about and making all the little tweens in the audience cry…” but he saw through my ruse and, if memory serves me correct, I ended up seeing the second worst film of 2011 (a.k.a. The Conspirator) instead.  Anyway, I ended up seeing Prom OnDemand last month and it’s not really that bad.  It’s not good either.  It’s just kinda there.  In other words, Prom is incredibly meh and that’s one thing prom night should never be.  (I loved my proms, by the way, and, whenever things seem overwhelming, I often think to myself, “If only every night could be Prom Night…”)  Prom is forgettable and inoffensive but come on, tweens deserve better films.  They are the future, after all.

Terri (directed by Azazel Jacobs)

Terri made me cry and cry and was one of my favorite movies of the summer.  It’s a surprisingly poignant film that worked wonders with material that, at first glance, seemed awfully conventional.  Terri (played by Jacob Wysocki) is a sensitive, obese teenager who is taken under the wing of an unconventional assistant principal (John C. Reilly).  It’s a familiar story but director Azazel Jacobs tells this story with care and sensitivity and Wysocki and Reilly bring their characters to life with such skill that you can’t help but get caught up in their story.  Terri’s loving but senile uncle is played by Creed Bratton, who proves here that he’s capable of doing a lot more than just parodying himself on The Office.  When I went to this movie, two old women sitting behind me went, “Awwww!” at a scene where Wysocki spontaneously hugs Reilly.  The film earns the sentiment.

Most of these films are available via OnDemand or are currently available on DVD.  Horrible Bosses and Terri are scheduled to be released in October while Beginners will come out in November.

15 Upcoming Films That Are Going To Suck

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In just another few days, the summer movie season will end and we’ll enter the fall.  The fall movie season is when all of the prestigious, massively hyped “quality” films are released.  These are the films that everyone is expecting to see remembered at Oscar time.  We expect more out of films released in the Fall and therefore, when a film fails to live up to the expectation of perfection, we are far more quicker to simply damn the whole enterprise by exclaiming, “That sucked!”

Below are 15 upcoming fall films which I think are going to “suck.”  Quite a few of them are “prestige” films though a few of them most definitely are not.  However, they are all films that I fully expect to be disappointed with.

Quick disclaimer: This list is based on only two things, my gut instinct and the advice of my Parker Brothers Ouija Board.  These are my opinions and solely my opinions and they should not be taken as a reflection of the opinions of anyone else involved with this web site.  Got it?  Good, let’s move on to the fun part:

  1. Anonymous (10/28) — Roland Emmerich takes on the burning issue of whether or not Shakespeare actually wrote his plays.  Who cares?  I’m sure this will spark a lot of discussion among people who found The Da Vinci Code to be mind-blowing.
  2. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (12/21) — Deal with it, fanboys.
  3. The Ides of March (10/7) — It’s a political film directed by and starring George Clooney!  Watch out for the smug storm that will surely follow.
  4. Immortals (11/11) — Yes, it will suck but it will still probably be better than Clash of the Titans.
  5. The Iron Lady (12/16) — Bleh. This is one of those movies that they make solely because Meryl Streep needs another Oscar nomination.  Nobody will see the film but everyone will talk about how brilliant Meryl was in it.
  6. J. Edgar (TBA) — So, when was the last time that Clint Eastwood actually directed a movie that you didn’t have to make excuses for?
  7. Mission Impossible — Ghost Protocol (12/21) — Honestly, has there ever been a Mission Impossible film that didn’t suck in one way or another?
  8. Real Steel (10/7) — How do I know this film is going to suck?  Go look up the trailer on YouTube and you can see that little kid go, “You know everything about this fight game!” for yourself. 
  9. Red State (9/23) — A satirical horror film with a political subtext?  Well, let’s just hope they’ve got a great director…
  10. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (12/16) — It’s the law of diminished returns.  The better the original, the worse the sequel.  That said, I really hope I’m wrong on this one.  I loved Sherlock Holmes.
  11. Straw Dogs (9/16) — It’s a remake of the old Peckinpah classic except now, it’s a Yankee Blue Stater getting attacked by a bunch of Redneck Red Staters.  Yankee paranoia is so freaking tedious.  Add to that, Straw Dogs has been remade a few million times and never as well as the original.  At least those remakes had the decency to come up with their own name instead of just trying to coast on the credibility of a better film.  This travesty was written, directed, and produced by Rod Lurie.  Shame on you, Rod Lurie.  (Of course, the toadsuckers over at AwardsDaily.com are madly enthused about this film.)
  12. The Three Musketeers (10/21) — Is anybody expecting otherwise?
  13. Tower Heist (11/4) — Brett Ratner continues to encourage us to lower our standards with this action-comedy.  The film’s villain is played by Alan Alda and is supposed to be a Bernie Madoff-type so expect a lot of tedious pontificating from rich actors playing poor people.
  14. War Horse (12/28) — This might actually be a good film but, as a result of all of the hype, it’s going to have to be perfect or else it’s going to suck.
  15. W.E. (12/9) — Madonna makes her directorial debut with … well, do I really need to go on?

A Quickie With Lisa Marie: Beneath the Planet of the Apes (dir. by Ted Post)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Continuing my look at the original Planet of the Apes film series, we now come to the first sequel, 1970’s Beneath the Planet of the Apes.  Rather blandly directed by Ted Post and featuring only a cameo performance from Charlton Heston, Beneath the Planet of the Apes is rarely given the credit it deserves.  Yes, the first half of the film is rather forgettable but once you get through it, you discover one of the darkest films of the 1970s.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes begins with yet another human astronaut crash landing on the Earth of the future.  This astronaut is Brent and, as played by James Franciscus, he comes across as a slightly more earnest, far less charismatic copy of Charlton Heston’s Taylor.  Brent has been sent in search of Taylor.  Anyway, once he lands on the planet, he is quickly arrested by the apes, meets Zira (Kim Hunter) and Cornelius (David Watson, stepping in for Roddy McDowall), and then escapes with the still-mute Nova (Linda Harrison).  With Nova, Brent makes his way to the Forbidden City where he comes across the ruins of Grand Central Station and discovers that he’s actually on Earth. 

Yes, that’s right.  The first hour of this 95 minutes film is essentially just the first movie all over again.   And yes, this film’s (many) critics are correct when they say that this first hour drags and tests the audience’s patience.  Obviously, Brent may be shocked to discover he’s on Earth but it’s old news to us and many viewers are probably tempted to give up on this film before Brent even figures it out.

But don’t give up!  No, because if you stick with this film you’ll discover that, once Brent figures out where he is, things get really, really fucked up.

Essentially, Brent discovers that the ruins of New York City are now underground.  And in this underground city, there are people.  But they’re not people like Brent or Nova.  No, these are people who have been horribly scarred by radiation.  They’ve also mutated to the extent that they’ve developed the powers of telepathy and mind control.  Under the leadership of Mendez the Tenth (Paul Richards), they spend their time singing hymns to the Alpha/Omega nuclear bomb, or as they call it “The Holy Bomb.”  They keep the Holy Bomb in St. Patrick’s Cathedral.

These mutants capture both Nova and Brent.  Brent is tossed into a cell and who else is there but Taylor?  And Taylor, believe it or not, has become even more sarcastic and scornful than before!  Seriously, Charlton Heston frequently spoke about how much he hated this film and it’s obvious in his performance.  Heston might not have been happy about being there but the audience is because, even if he is busy hating himself, Taylor brings a jolt of life to the film.

And just in time because the Apes, led by Urko (James Gregory), have invaded the forbidden city!  They gun down all the mutants.  Brent , Taylor, and Nova manage to escape their prison and all three of them are promptly gunned down as well.  As he dies, Taylor manages to set off the Alpha/Omega bomb.  We see a blinding white light followed by a somber voice over that tells us: “In one of the countless billions of galaxies in the universe, lies a medium-sized star, and one of its satellites, a green and insignificant planet, is now dead.”

And that’s it!  There’s no final credits, not even a black-out. Instead, on that note, the movie just stops.

Now, seriously, tell me that’s not a great movie.

Tell Me That You Love My 6 Trailers, Wanda June

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Okay, so after months and months of it being strangely cold and pleasant down here in Texas, this week the temperature suddenly shot up to 100 degrees and everyone’s going outside and mowing their freaking lawns.  Which means that it smells like freshly cut grass outside (BLEH!) and every time I step through the front door, my allergies go insane and I end up getting sick!  Seriously, I was so sick last night that I ended up staying in for the night and resting, which for some reason my evil sister took as an invitation to attempt to “braid” my hair.  Anyway, as I sit here trying to get the tangles out of my hair (ouch!), why not check out the latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers?

The title of this weekend’s edition, by the way, is a really obvious homage to a  film directed by Otto Preminger.  And no, it’s not Skidoo.

1) Nightmares (1983)

For some reason, this anthology seems to pop up on TBS, TNT, USA,, and WGN a lot.  Actually, is WGN actually a cable station?  It sounds made up.  Anyway, I hate anthology films.  Seriously, they always suck so bad and the people who make them are always so freaking proud of themselves.  I mean, seriously — what’s going on with that?  Anyway, it seems like every time I come across it, I end up seeing the part where Emilio Estevez gets attacked by the Bishop of Battle.

2) The Wild Beasts (1984)

Yes, I’ve done some research and guess what?  This film is Italian!  Yay!  Anyway, this trailer informs us that somebody has given all the animals at the zoo a “deadly” dose of PCP.  Okay, so if it’s a deadly dose, then why do they apparently end up going crazy and attacking humans?  I mean, seriously, shouldn’t they be dead?

3) The Principal (1987)

Okay, I first came across the trailer on YouTube many months ago while I was searching for film clips for an abandoned post about teaching-centric grindhouse films.  This trailer has, for some reason, become something of an obsession of mine and it’s because I still have some doubts as to whether or not this film actually exists.  Because, seriously, the trailer is just like a check list of every cliché that we associate with an out-of-control school thriller.  And then it stars Jim Belushi?  Seriously, this can’t be a real movie.  Except I did some research and apparently, there’s a lot of people who think it is real.  And you can order it off of Amazon.  Not that I’m planning on doing so because Jim Belushi is just like bleh to me.

4) The Giant Spider Invasion (1975)

Judging from this trailer, an equally appropriate title for this film would have been The Countryass Girls Who Run Around In Their Underwear Invasion.  While that may sound like stereotyping, it’s okay because I actually am a countryass girl who runs around in her underwear.  Seeing as how we’re always getting victimized in movies like this, I’ve started a support group for us, called Hicks In Panties or HIP for short.

Anyway, I actually have some trouble watching this trailer because — Oh.  My. God. — I hate spiders!  Like I was talking to a friend of mine once and she told me about this time she was on a horse and she ended up riding right through a spider’s web and I was just like, “Girl, how are you still alive?  I’d have to kill myself I’d be so worried about having little spider eggs hatching in my nasal cavities after something like that.”  Anyway, she said that didn’t make any sense at all so I think she’s kinda fooling herself. 

5) Disco Godfather (1979)

Disco Godfather!  This was Rudy Ray Moore’s follow-up to Dolemite.  I haven’t seen either one of them but this trailer features two of my favorite things: poetry and dancing!

6) Police Women (1974)

Okay, let’s end this edition with a little bit of redhead empowerment with the trailer for Lee Frost’s Police Women.

On a final note, stop mowing your freaking lawn, people!  Lisa needs to go out for the weekend!

What I Played Today: Majesty 2 and MLB 2K11

Posted on by Semtex Skittle

MLB 2K11

I bought MLB 2K11 on the first day of its release… and, having played hours upon hours of it, I’ve been dying to review it ever since. The core problem, however, is that there’s really not that much to say about a sports game. Especially a baseball game. Especially a baseball game that doesn’t really boast any new features over its predecessor from the year before. It’s the tightest baseball simulation with the best graphics that I’ve seen. You know, since last year. It still uses the one-touch control system that basically lets you play the entire game with only single presses (or maneuvers of the thumbsticks. Whatever.) to take any action. I would say the ease with which the game can be played is its best feature by far…

And it’s hard to criticize the game, since they’ve culled the irritating features over the years, until the tight baseball simulation is basically all that remains.

It’s worth noting that unlike other sports offerings (Madden, I’m looking at you!) MLB 2k11 does a fantastic job of keeping up with the big league rosters if you’re playing in an online format, or if you just hop straight in and want to play a game of baseball.

As you would expect, the game has all of the modern game modes. Many of the big achievements revolve around the My Player mode, which is also one of the most fulfilling modes… depending on the position you prefer. I would say, tentatively, that I’ve spent more time in My Player than in Franchise or Play Ball this year. It really is kind of fun to work your way up from AA ball into the big leagues, and then to carve a name out for yourself from there. I like this mode in MLB far better than I ever have in Madden, and I really can’t recommend it any more strongly.

Oh, and it’s worth noting… out of all of the 2K Sports offerings for baseball, this one is easily the best. It runs mostly alike to the 2K10 effort, but as you would expect, it’s a little tighter, and a touch better looking… and, really, with not much else to improve on that’s the story of the game. If you like baseball, or you have some hankering to play it, this game is definitely for you. If you’re looking to gain 1000 GS then this game will disappoint you with the amount of time required to earn some of the achievements. If you’re *that sort*, I wouldn’t bother with this title.

Majesty 2

The self-described fantasy sim game, Majesty 2, makes its triumphant return on Steam. I bought the gold collection when it became available partially out of nostalgia, and partially because I desperately wanted a strategy game to play that I hadn’t worn out. I could always return to StarCraft II, but for some reason Majesty 2 caught hold of my imagination, and drew me back in.

The outstanding feature of Majesty 2 as opposed to your generic RTS game is that much of the action is not under your direct control. Your armed forces consist of guards, who will defend your town and your palace in a very automated, very uninspired, way… and heroes, who do their own thing, unless they’re being paid. You can throw out contracts of various types (examples include ‘destroy target’, or ‘explore region’) in the form of flags, for which you announce a bounty you’re willing to pay. In an ideal world, your heroes will help you out, and dash to the rescue. Of course, the interest level of your heroes and their personal gumption depends both on their hero type and their hero level. For example, the Rogues from the Thieves Guild are a bit on the cowardly side and flee at the first sign of real trouble, while the Rangers Guild and its heroes are particularly excited about exploring the wilderness and battling beasts.

You personally control the construction of town structures and fortifications, and choose the path through the single player campaign; a rich experience which takes its decent share of time. This experience can actually get a little repetitive; you’ll want the missions to end a bit quicker, at the very least, no later than halfway through the campaign. No doubt if you’re better at the game than me, this will never become a problem.

L.A. Noire

Strictly as a tease… I’ve been playing a great deal of this game lately. A full review from me is forthcoming.

What I Played Today: Transformers: War For Cybertron

Posted on by Semtex Skittle

In my recent hunger for new games to play (not new to the world, just new to me, mind) I started browsing the Steam store… and playing some of the crap that was coming in off of my Gamefly subscription. In honour of the fact that I haven’t written a column in three weeks, I thought I’d throw out some quick thoughts on a game I’ve played quite a bit recently. Sadly, it’s not a new title anymore… but there it is. Maybe next time, Gamefly… maybe next time.

Transformers: The War for Cybertron – My most recent arrival from Gamefly. It’s a solid game. The game-play is pretty tight, and it does a pretty decent job of integrating the idea of both heavily armed and armored robots… as well as their ability to transform into things. The whole system is pretty simple – and you’ll discover over hours of game-play that it lacks a certain level of depth – but the game is certainly fun enough.

The single player mode has you taking command of a single Transformer in the service of either the Decepticons or the Autobots (both have their own full-length campaign mode, which combine together to tell a single story). We are taken far into Transformers Past and the initial battle for control of the planet Cybertron that began the million-year-long war between the two factions. Ambitious Megatron claims that he will build a galactic empire rightfully dominated by the power of the Cybertronians… while Optimus Prime and his Autobots battle based… well, mostly on principle. Honestly, we’re not given much background. Luckily, the story is simple enough; nobody is going to get lost in this narrative.

You’ll recognize the names, and the look, and even the transformations of the titular robots in disguise… but one of the game’s most disappointing features is that there isn’t the variety from Transformer to Transformer that you might be hoping for. Although each one has a unique loadout of one or two weapons, their unique transformation, and a pair of special abilities, all of these are drawn from the same pool (with the exception of the transformations… oh, and Megatron and Optimus Prime receive unique weapons… but they’re the only ones). Ultimately, you’ll probably end up fighting with whatever weapon you like best / whatever weapon you happened to find that will work for the given situation. This isn’t a terrible thing; after all, games like Halo are completely based on the concept of two weapon swaps, switching out weapons for new weapons and so on, and the model works.

Still, the game has some fun voice acting, some cool level designs… and it’s pretty fun to roll through. The levels are longer than I expected going in… which is both a plus and a minus. Since the gameplay is, on the whole, fun… it’s not debilitating… but some of the sequences definitely begin to drag before you’ll finish a given level. The sequences can be challenging, depending on your difficulty level, but there’s earnestly nothing in terms of tremendous innovation in any of the game-play sequences. Basically you’re thrust into a third-person shooter with a variety of terrain, weapons, and enemies… and you go to town. There’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s nothing to this game that really makes it feel Transformers-y… aside, again, from the transformations themselves. At times, these will help you out, and do add an element to the game.. but you’re going to want to spend most of your time in combat in your robot form, doing robot things.

Oh well.

The multiplayer component features a few modes  modes. The competitive multiplayer modes (Deathmatch, King of the Hill, etc.) bear some similarities in structure with Activision’s Modern Warfare 2, with perks and levels and so on. The co-operative multi-player is headlined with the by-now-completely-standard horde mode (called Escalation in this particular incarnation), where you face off against wave after wave of enemies. I know that there’s only so many permutations of multiplayer modes; particularly within a given genre. I accept that each game isn’t going to break new ground with its multiplayer modes or concepts. That having been freely admitted? There wasn’t much to get hooked on here.

If for some reason you haven’t been turned off by the movie franchise or the endless bastardization of the classic Transformers, and you enjoyed this game, there’s something to look forward to: A planned sequel in 2012.

What I Played Today: Jade Empire

Posted on by Semtex Skittle

Every so often – because I like old games better than I like new ones, or so I’m told – I like to revisit a classic game. I’m sure, if you read my columns often, you’ve noticed that by now. Continuing this month’s theme of BioWare inundation (spurred, of course, by the release of Dragon Age II and the Arrival DLC) today I decided once again to play a little Jade Empire. Longtime WRPG fans will remember the title from its 2005 debut. Newcomers to BioWare’s camp may have missed this jewel. In the interests of saving the integrity of the game for anyone who never played the original release, I’m going to avoid serious game spoilers here, even though the game has been out for six years now.

The first thing I’ll say is that this game holds up better than most other original XBox titles with graphics that are bearable, at least, and smooth play on the XBox 360. I never played the game when it was originally launched on XBox, and only got into it after a friend recommended that I fork over the cash to buy it on the XBox Originals in Marketplace. Smooth emulation aside, I immediately fell in love with the title. Jade Empire offers a highly interactive game-play experience (more on this later) that is settled on the solid foundation of classic BioWare RPG structure. We slowly accumulate a group of loyal followers, whose personal story develops through conversation options between major plot developments in the overall story. Although many of these characters follow what we might call the “BioWare Rules” in terms of their personality archetypes (although Dawn Star is unconventional, she still reeks of Carth Onasi, doesn’t she?) they’re predictably detailed, with a diverse set of backgrounds and motivations. In this respect, I hardly think that Jade Empire is the gold standard for WRPGs. Its relatively simple story progression doesn’t lend toward diverse side missions undertaken in far-off locales.

The game’s outstanding feature, however, is not the party members, the story, the voice acting, the graphics… or even the interesting-in-theory morality system of competing philosophies. Unfortunately, while the idea of two philosophies competing against one another (Open Palm and Closed Fist) sounds compelling, and a refreshing departure from someone merely being good or evil, light or dark side, it amounts to the same thing. The complex motivations that would drive a practitioner of the Closed Fist according to the game’s story ultimately don’t matter; points are accrued by being a jerk, just as always. Sliding scale morality systems are always going to be imperfect in general, of course, while we’re on the subject… but I almost feel as if Jade Empire could have benefitted from a dual system; having both a good vs. evil slider, as well as competing philosophies (in this scenario, we might wish for more than two that are so diametrically opposed). Oh, and why can’t we ever have a philosophy of neutrality in these games? Wouldn’t that be fun? Maybe not.

The reason I keep revisiting Jade Empire, attempting to jump off for the third time, is because of the interactive game-play system. Even Mass Effect with its shooter based game-play doesn’t explore the potential as deeply as Jade Empire, which plays successfully like some kind of action game, only with distinct RPG elements. It lacks the elaborate combos that we might see from Devil May Cry or similar games, but it interweaves level-ups and equipped items just like a more traditional RPG. Unlike latter-day BioWare offering Dragon Age, we are truly rewarded in Jade Empire for dodging, and knowing when (and from where) to use our different martial arts styles and their different unique powers. Now, of course, those who are traditionalists and would rather have the stats decide things (this also includes people who just aren’t that good at action games) I suppose this is probably frustrating. I personally think it’s mild enough that once you get the hang of it almost anyone could have fun with the system and be successful in the game. For me, this outstanding combat system makes the game incredibly easy to just drop in to and play. In fact, every time I load it up and play, I angst over how much fun it is… and how it’s the one game amongst all of BioWare’s RPGs that never got a sequel.

Oh, yeah, and as a side bonus, the game features a 2-D scroller style airplane game where you pilot your airship and fire your weapon straight up toward a variety of aerial enemies and hazards that cross the screen and generally try to ruin your day. All of these sequences but the first one are optional, but they provide a nostalgic element for me…  and completing them provides a bunch of XP within the game, too.

And hey, maybe if enough people realize what a great game Jade Empire was… we’ll get that sequel after all.

What I Played Today: Golems of Amgarrak

Posted on by Semtex Skittle

I was in quite a mood after playing so much Dragon Age II, and (as that led to) another full play-through of Dragon Age: Origins. I had originally planned to continue straight on to Awakening, and just complete the whole series. But then, as I was on my roll, I remembered that I had purchased a couple of DLC packs for Dragon Age: Origins a while back on the cheap. They had some kind of sale for half price DLC, or some such. I’d taken that opportunity to pick up both Witch Hunt and The Golems of Amgarrak… but while I’d completed the former some time ago, I’d never bothered to sit down and play through Golems. I took a look at the achievements, because I’m like that, and I realized that I needed to complete the DLC on a minimum difficulty of Hard in order to receive my e-recognition for my accomplishments.

Harkening back, I recall that Golems of Amgarrak was touted as an extra-difficult bit of DLC… it was, ostensibly, much harder than the regular game, even on the Casual difficulty. In short, this DLC was not intended for the faint of heart. This did nothing but excite me, but I did go into it expecting a higher degree of difficulty, and felt that I should use some caution.  Although I might be ‘that guy’ when it comes to gaining achievements in an expedient manner, I’m strangely honourable about some of them. It seemed to me that if I were going to defeat the DLC’s final boss on a Hard or Nightmare difficulty, I might as well play the whole DLC on that difficulty. So, I set my difficulty, and I chose to import a Warden from an Origins playthrough at level 20, a Dwarven sword-and-board warrior.

The DLC took a couple of hours to play through all the way. It introduces a semi-new area (yet another re-skin of the default Dwarven Thaig that we saw four times or more between the Origins game and the various DLCs) that paves the way into a completely new area. Amgarrak itself is a completely unique area replete with colour-switch puzzles, swarms of enemies (mostly of the more difficult types. I assumed there would be Golems, but I was treated to a plethora of Revenants, Arcane Horrors, and high-ranked skeletons as well), and a bunch of loot. Most of the loot proved to be useless, but it did provide upgrades to the Golem which I picked up on my way in. As one might expect, the Golem is the key to the whole deal. It has significant healing abilities, and while it can’t always fight its way out of trouble, the Golem is tough enough to escape from danger so long as your party features some tankier types.

Ultimately, I found the DLC a little on the disappointing side. It was about as substantial as I expected (given the average length of BioWare’s DLC add-ons) with a fairly large area to run through and a whole new party. However, in lieu of adding substantially to the story (as Leliana’s Song does, and Witch Hunt debatably does) the idea behind Golems of Amgarrak was to provide a very challenging play experience within the tactical game engine of Dragon Age: Origins. Earnestly, I didn’t feel the need to adjust my tactics much from playing the original game. Tank-type characters are still able to mostly take care of themselves, and the most effective approach for me seemed to be to focus on healing. The only encounter I had to repeat was a surprisingly difficult swarm of golems which jumps out at you in an optional chamber while in the process of acquiring golem upgrades. I was not particularly impressed by the Harvester, which seemed to be mostly a matter of managing a group of enemies and keeping on top of healing.

Anyway, I think this polishes off my experience with Origins. I’m very much anticipating a DLC – any DLC add-on, really – for Dragon Age II.