Okay, so after months and months of it being strangely cold and pleasant down here in Texas, this week the temperature suddenly shot up to 100 degrees and everyone’s going outside and mowing their freaking lawns. Which means that it smells like freshly cut grass outside (BLEH!) and every time I step through the front door, my allergies go insane and I end up getting sick! Seriously, I was so sick last night that I ended up staying in for the night and resting, which for some reason my evil sister took as an invitation to attempt to “braid” my hair. Anyway, as I sit here trying to get the tangles out of my hair (ouch!), why not check out the latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers?
The title of this weekend’s edition, by the way, is a really obvious homage to a film directed by Otto Preminger. And no, it’s not Skidoo.
1) Nightmares (1983)
For some reason, this anthology seems to pop up on TBS, TNT, USA,, and WGN a lot. Actually, is WGN actually a cable station? It sounds made up. Anyway, I hate anthology films. Seriously, they always suck so bad and the people who make them are always so freaking proud of themselves. I mean, seriously — what’s going on with that? Anyway, it seems like every time I come across it, I end up seeing the part where Emilio Estevez gets attacked by the Bishop of Battle.
2) The Wild Beasts (1984)
Yes, I’ve done some research and guess what? This film is Italian! Yay! Anyway, this trailer informs us that somebody has given all the animals at the zoo a “deadly” dose of PCP. Okay, so if it’s a deadly dose, then why do they apparently end up going crazy and attacking humans? I mean, seriously, shouldn’t they be dead?
3) The Principal (1987)
Okay, I first came across the trailer on YouTube many months ago while I was searching for film clips for an abandoned post about teaching-centric grindhouse films. This trailer has, for some reason, become something of an obsession of mine and it’s because I still have some doubts as to whether or not this film actually exists. Because, seriously, the trailer is just like a check list of every cliché that we associate with an out-of-control school thriller. And then it stars Jim Belushi? Seriously, this can’t be a real movie. Except I did some research and apparently, there’s a lot of people who think it is real. And you can order it off of Amazon. Not that I’m planning on doing so because Jim Belushi is just like bleh to me.
4) The Giant Spider Invasion (1975)
Judging from this trailer, an equally appropriate title for this film would have been The Countryass Girls Who Run Around In Their Underwear Invasion. While that may sound like stereotyping, it’s okay because I actually am a countryass girl who runs around in her underwear. Seeing as how we’re always getting victimized in movies like this, I’ve started a support group for us, called Hicks In Panties or HIP for short.
Anyway, I actually have some trouble watching this trailer because — Oh. My. God. — I hate spiders! Like I was talking to a friend of mine once and she told me about this time she was on a horse and she ended up riding right through a spider’s web and I was just like, “Girl, how are you still alive? I’d have to kill myself I’d be so worried about having little spider eggs hatching in my nasal cavities after something like that.” Anyway, she said that didn’t make any sense at all so I think she’s kinda fooling herself.
5) Disco Godfather (1979)
Disco Godfather! This was Rudy Ray Moore’s follow-up to Dolemite. I haven’t seen either one of them but this trailer features two of my favorite things: poetry and dancing!
6) Police Women (1974)
Okay, let’s end this edition with a little bit of redhead empowerment with the trailer for Lee Frost’s Police Women.
On a final note, stop mowing your freaking lawn, people! Lisa needs to go out for the weekend!