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MAN WITH A CAMERA (TV Series) – starring Charles Bronson – S1, E5: Turntable  

Posted on by Bradley Crain

This episode opens with Mike Kovac (Charles Bronson) visiting an illegal gambling den operated by Walter Bradman (Dennis Patrick). Kovac takes a picture of Bradman with a small camera he’s placed inside of a cigarette lighter. You see, an honest lawyer named John Payson (Logan Field) is running for governor on a platform of shutting down these types of criminal establishments, and Kovac thought this might make for an interesting story in the current political environment. But Bradman catches him taking the picture, and just when it looks like he might forcibly take the camera and film from Kovac, Bradman decides to let him go. It seems that Bradman has bigger plans for Kovac as he happens to know that Kovac is going to the Payson’s household to take family pictures the very next day. Bradman has an inside person in the Payson household, his girlfriend Miss Hollis (Phyllis Avery), and he plans to steal the negatives. They will then use Miss Hollis’ ex-con dad Clyde Bosser (Addison Richards) to create fake composite pictures that pretend to show Payson in the gambling den and hanging out with women other than his wife. He’s hoping that a little blackmail might get Payson off his back, but as you might imagine with Mike Kovac on the case, the plan falls apart and nobody is safe! 

“Turntable” is a solid episode of MAN WITH A CAMERA. There are several reasons I enjoyed it. The presence of Charles Bronson in the lead is always at the top of the list. His down-to-earth charisma anchors the series and this episode in such a way that there’s always something worth watching on screen. He does get to beat up a couple of guys and that’s very fun for me. Dennis Patrick is good as the den boss. He’s very confident and cocky until his plan starts falling apart. Once he begins to panic, things really start to get interesting. The story is also intriguing, as it deals with doctoring photos for nefarious purposes, a novel concept in 1958, but something that’s all too common these days. The composite pictures created as part of this episode are actually kind of funny to look at, and it makes you wonder how some of them could have fooled anyone! I’ve mentioned before that I like episodes where Kovac’s dad Anton (Ludwig Stossel) has an important part. In this episode, he helps his son put together an important piece of the puzzle so I liked that. On the negative side, I didn’t like the political angle. John Payson’s gubernatorial candidate is made to look like an angel, and we all know how that usually works out in the political arena. Honestly, I’m sick of politics in general, and I like to watch TV and movies to get away from that kind of stuff.

Overall, “Turntable” is a solid episode with an intriguing story, a few good performances, and a scene that actually caught me by surprise. That doesn’t happen very often! 

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.14 “Retiring Dad”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, Peter tries to enjoy retirement but his dumbass sons screw it all up.

Episode 2.14 “Retiring Dad”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 5th, 2000)

This may be the worst episode of Malibu CA that I’ve ever seen and that’s saying something as every episode of this show that I watch is the worst until I watch the next one.  Most bad shows will still occasionally have a good episode.  Somehow, Malibu CA continues to get worse and worse.  I say this despite the fact that Edward Blatchford, Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor have consistently managed to give performance that are far better than the material.  I say this despite the fact that Trevor Merszie, in the role of Scott, is nowhere near as annoying during the second season than he was during the first.  Despite those improvements, the show continues to decline with each passing week.

It all comes down to the writing, which is uninspired even by the standards of the typical 90s teen sitcom.  Peter Engel’s shows were never known for their strong scripts but California Dreams (especially during its final season) showed that it was possible to make a good show while remaining true to Engel’s “vision” of what a teen sitcom should be.  The writing on Malibu CA just feels lazy and, for whatever reason, storylines seem to consistently focus on the two weakest members of the cast, Jason Hayes and Marquita Terry.

(I should say that, in fairness to Terry, her character usually got stuck with the worst lines in each episode and the writers never came up with much of a personality beyond, “Girl Who Complains Nonstop.”  As for Jason Hayes, he was still looking straight at the camera halfway through the second season.)

As for this episode, it features Peter finally retiring from running The Lighthouse so that he can fish and travel.  He leaves his two idiot sons in charge.  In this episode, we learn that Scott is apparently in college while Jason is still pursuing his — *snicker* — music career.  Why Peter would leave his sons in  charge (especially when you consider that, whenever he’s done so in the past, it’s always led to disaster) is a question that show never really explains.  Seriously, is there no one else that works at the restaurant?  It’s a big restaurant.  Surely, there is someone else who is capable of running the restaurant.  Considering the amount of time that Marquita Terry’s Lisa spends complaining about every little decision that Peter makes, maybe she should have been put in charge.  She certainly seems more emotionally invested in the place than either Jason or Scott.

Jason and Scott’s attempt to turn the restaurant into a nightclub leads to a brawl between two customers who proceed to totally trash the place.  Again, the restaurant gets trashed in every other episode so you would think Jason and Scott would be used to this.  (You would also think that the restaurant would have gone out of business a long time ago as I can’t imagine it’s cost efficient to have to rebuild the damn place twice a month.)  Peter ends his retirement because both of his sons are idiots.  I’d feel bad for Peter but he was stupid for trusting them in the first place.

Meanwhile, Murray’s cousin — Alecia — is visiting from Alabama.  Murray is overprotective but then, at the end of the episode, Alecia sings a song and everything is magically fixed.  Alecia was played by Alecia Elliott, who was a cast member of another Peter Engel-produced sitcom, All About Us.  Elliott had just released her first country album when she appeared on Malibu CA.  I have to admit that I did laugh out loud when, from out of nowhere, she suddenly started singing.  Of course, her song took up the last four minutes of the show, which spared us from having to deal with anymore scenes involving the restaurant.  That was a good thing.

There’s only a handful of episodes left.  Soon, I will never have to write or think about this show again.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.20 “Werewolf of Hollywood”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters satirizes the film business.  Well, it’s about time someone did!

Episode 3.20 “Werewolf of Hollywood”

(Dir by Thomas J. Whelan, originally aired on February 10th, 1991)

Screenwriter Buzz Hunkle (Richard Belzer) has been instructed to rewrite a script that was originally written by Leo Tandoski (Shelley Berman).  Leo’s script is about a studio head who is actually a werewolf.  Buzz and his assistant Vicki (Geraldine Leer) read the script and immediately deduce that Leo is attacking executive Billy Mariner (David Leary).  At first, Buzz just assumes that the werewolf angle is a bit of heavy-handed satire but, when Leo turns up dead, Buzz comes to suspect that Billy might actually be a werewolf!  Vicki gives Buzz a gun full of what she claims are silver bullets and she sends him off to investigate.  Of course, it turns out that everyone in this show business tale has a secret or two.

This episode …. well, I liked the idea behind it.  It had potential, I’ll give it that.  And the werewolf effects were certainly effective.  Monsters was a show that almost always featured effective makeup and costuming.  That said, I have to admit that I wanted to like this episode more than I actually did.  Whenever Monsters tries to be intentionally funny, it almost always comes across as if it’s trying too hard and that was certainly the case with this episode.  As an actor, Richard Belzer was always inconsistent.  He did good work as Detective Munch.  In this episode of Monsters, he sleepwalks through the role.  I really wanted this episode to work but it just feel flat for me.

Guess what?  We’ve only got four more episodes of Monsters left!  Overall, I have enjoyed reviewing this show, even if it has been a bit uneven overall.  I’ll miss it when I’m done.

Brad reviews BLOOD AND BONE (2009), starring Michael Jai White! 

Posted on by Bradley Crain

Michael Jai White is Bone, an ex-convict who also happens to be a badass martial artist. After getting out of prison, Bone heads to Los Angeles and rents a room from Tamara (Nona Gaye), a foster mother to three kids. Once there, he hooks up with Pinball (Dante Basco) and enters the underground street-fighting scene, quickly gaining a reputation as the best fighter around. This catches the attention of the ruthless James (Eamonn Walker) who controls the local fighting action. Bone takes a special interest in James’ woman, the beautiful Angela (Michelle Belegrin). When Bone easily dispatches James’ best fighter Hammer (Bob Sapp), James invites him into his life because he wants him to take on Pretty Boy Price (Matt Mullins). Price is the prize fighter of the wealthy and powerful Franklin McVeigh (Julian Sands), and James sees Bone as his chance to beat Price and join the big time. But Bone is much more complicated than he initially seems, and he has an agenda that involves Angela and keeping a promise he made to an old friend. 

I’m a fan of B-movie star and martial artist Michael Jai White. I remember buying the DVD of BLOOD AND BONE a decade or more ago and thinking it was a good movie. I decided to revisit the film today and my opinion remains the same. It has a memorable opening scene where mixed martial artist Kimbo Slice and his crew confront White’s character Bone in the bathroom of an unnamed prison. Slice runs his mouth, and we soon learn that Bone is the biggest badass around. It’s a simple, awesome scene that proves to be a perfect introduction to our hero. From this point forward, BLOOD AND BONE seems to follow a similar storyline to my favorite Charles Bronson film HARD TIMES (1975). In HARD TIMES, Bronson is a badass fighter who rolls into town, hooks up with the fast talking James Coburn, dominates the local street fighting competition, and then heads back out of town. In BLOOD AND BONE, Michael Jai White rolls into town, hooks up with the fast talking Dante Basco, and dominates the local street fighting competition. However, in this film we find out that White is doing all of this to keep a jailhouse promise to a friend before heading out of town. I like White as an actor, martial artist, and charismatic screen presence, so I was all in as the action and the story played out. 

Aside from Michael Jai White’s basic badass character, I also like the relationship that develops between his Bone and Nona Gaye’s character, Tamara. She has a world weariness and bullshit detector, but she also realizes that his character has more depth than it may initially appear. They have some good moments sprinkled throughout the film that seem more grounded in reality than your typical B action movie relationships. Eamonn Walker is appropriately evil as the ruthless James, a man who has zero redeeming qualities. His character may not be set in the real world, but a movie like this needs someone to really dislike and Walker fits the bill. Dante Basco is fine as the fast-talking Pinball who helps break Bone into the underground fighting scene, but I didn’t find his character especially memorable. Julian Sands is prominently billed, but his part is quite small. He shows up at the beginning and the end, and delivers an outrageous monologue to Eamonn Walker about how he and his rich, white buddies are entertained by African Americans, but they don’t really want to hang out with them. It’s a pretty uncomfortable scene to be honest with you even though it’s being delivered to a completely despicable character. 

Overall, I like BLOOD AND BONE as a badass action and martial arts film with some heart. It’s not always easy to watch as it’s pretty violent, with multiple arms broken and shoulders dislocated to graphic effect. It also throws around some inappropriate slurs, which is somewhat typical of B movies made fifteen to twenty years ago, but they still stand out in this day and time. However, thanks to Michael Jai White’s badass performance, BLOOD AND BONE delivers the goods for anyone looking for an entertaining, bone-crunching action film. In that context, I definitely recommend it. See the trailer below:

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.1 and 6.2 The Italian Cruise: Venetian Love Song/Down for the Count/Arrividerci, Gopher/The Arrangement”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, season 6 begins!

Episode 6.1 and 6.2 “The Italian Cruise: Venetian Love Song/Down for the Count/Arrividerci, Gopher/The Arrangement”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 2nd, 1982)

The Love Boat crew goes to Italy!

The sixth season of The Love Boat did indeed start with a cruise to Italy.  It was a special two-hour episode, shot on location at sea and in Italy!  Our crew visits Monaco, Rome, Capri, and Venice and really, that’s the main appeal of this episode.  It’s certainly not the stories, which are pretty superficial even by the standards of the Love Boat.

Ernest Borgnine and Shelley Winters play an old Italian couple who bicker through the whole cruise but who also truly love each other.  Awwww!  Ernest and Shelley were veteran actors and they both appear to be having fun devouring the scenery in their scenes.  Their cruise goes better here than it did in The Poseidon Adventure.

Meredith Baxter falls for a man (David Birney, the annoying Dr. Samuels from the first season of St. Elsewhere) who turns out to be a gigolo.  However, he abandons being a manwhore so that he can pursue a relationship with Meredith.  I understand that Baxter and Birney were married at the time.  They have absolutely zero chemistry when they’re acting opposite each other.

Marie Osmond is angry over being expected to take part in an arranged marriage.  Yeah, that is kind of messed up.  She’d rather marry the totally handsome John James.

Finally, an Italian handyman who looks just like Gopher (and who is also played by Fred Grandy) abducts the real Gopher and takes his place on the ship so that he can try to win the love of a wealthy passenger named Angelica Francini (Christopher Norris) and…. well, actually, this storyline is kind of interesting.

Actually, maybe “interesting” the wrong word.

Goofy!  That’s the word I’m looking for.

This storyline is so goofy — so damn goofy — that it’s actually kind of fun.  I mean, it’s The Love Boat.  The Love Boat should be silly.  Fred Grandy playing two characters is silly and fun.  To give credit where credit is due, Grandy did a pretty good job playing the imposter imitating Gopher.  His attempts to speak in a stereotypical American accent made me laugh.  In the end, the real Gopher makes it back to the boat.  Confronted with two Gophers, the Captain realizes that the fake Gopher is the one who has actually been doing a good job and kicks him off the boat.  He’d rather have the real, incompetent Gopher and I don’t blame him.  What’s odd is that no one’s really upset or even that surprised by the kidnapping.  I don’t think anyone even bothers to callsthe police.

Anyway, Italy is the main attraction here.  I love Italy (which I visited the summer after I graduated high school) and I loved this episode!  At one point, Marie Osmond wore a red dress that looked a lot like the one that I wore to Pompeii on that windy day when I accidentally flashed a thousand tourists.  Marie was struggling with the wind too and I was like, “I share your struggle, Marie!”

I enjoyed this cruise.  I want to go back to Italy.

Song of the Day: God Only Knows by Beach Boys

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

RIP, Brian Wilson.

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I’ll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I’d be without you
If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
If you should ever leave me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you

Lyrics: Brian Wilson/Troy Asher

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.6 “The Enemy Within”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Okay, let’s do this again.

Episode 2.6 “The Enemy Within”

(Dir by Stephen L. Posey, originally aired on September 28th, 1996)

A group of masked men are breaking into the homes of wealthy Vietnamese immigrants and stealing their money and jewelry.  We are told that the men are specifically targeting the Vietnamese because Vietnamese people do not trust banks or the police.  I have no idea if that’s true or not.  I just know that the show insisted that this is true with a bizarre vehemence.  To be honest, I’m Irish-Italian-Spanish in descent and I don’t trust banks or the police either.  That said, I would be kind of offended if something bad happened to me and the cops responded by going, “Eh.  It’s because she’s Irish-Italian-Spanish, what can you do?”

Kelly Hu, who is not Vietnamese, plays Wendy Trang, the granddaughter of a Vietnamese couple of have been robbed.  Her grandfather does not want to talk to the police so Wendy instead talks to her grandfather and then meets with TC to tell him what her grandfather told her.  From what Wendy tells him (which I think would be considered hearsay in a court of law), TC decides that only one of the thieves is Vietnamese and that the head of the robbery crew is probably an American who served in Vietnam and who harbors resentment towards immigrants.  Seriously, he figures that out from just having one conversation.

(Actually, maybe it was Palermo who figured it out.  Once they get on their bikes and put on their helmets, Palermo and TC are pretty much indistinguishable.)

TC recruits a psychic named Leslie Quint (Ken Weiler) to handle a knife that was left behind at the scene and to pick up on whatever psychic residue has been left behind.  Chris smirks and calls the guy a fraud because, two seasons is, the writers still haven’t bothered to give Chris a personality beyond being bitchy.  The psychic not only reveals that the leader of the gang is a big white guy but he also tells Chris that she needs to go to the dentist because she has a cavity.  (Ewwww!  Brush your teeth, weirdo!)  He also tells Cory that her never-before mentioned brother is involved in some trouble.

The psychic’s right!  Peter McNamara (William Bumiller), Cory’s brother, is a corrupt narcotics cop!

Anyway, things worked out.  The bag guys were captured.  Cory realized her brother wasn’t perfect.  Chris learned a lesson about dismissing secret powers.  TC smirked in that oddly humorless way of his.  As Palermo, Rick Rossovich seemed to be begging someone to remember that he had been in both Top Gun and The Terminator before allowing himself to get sucked into the world of Pacific Blue.

Along with Kelly Hu, this episode featured Cronenberg favorite Robert A. Silverman, playing an eccentric on the beach.  It’s always nice to see Silverman!

Otherwise, this was another stupid episode.  At some point, these characters are going to have to develop personalities beyond riding bikes and getting annoyed, right?