Mini Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.5 “Symphony in B Sharp”

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

Hi, everyone! I sprained my wrist yesterday and today, it still hurts to type so, just as with T and T, today’s review is going to be a quick one. You might even call it a mini-review!

Episode 2.5 “Symphony In B Sharp”

(Dir by Francis Delia, originally aired on October 31st, 1988)

Oh, Ryan!

You would think that, by this point, Ryan would know better than to fall in love with anyone, seeing as how he had to leave one girlfriend behind in a Mennonite village and he lost another girlfriend to an insane news anchorman. Add to that, Ryan has also seen Micki repeatedly lose the people with which she has fallen in love. But, once again, the episode finds Ryan falling in love.

This time, his lover is Leslie Reins (Ely Pouget), who plays violin in the local symphony. Her former boyfriend, Janos Korda (James Russo), was believed to have been killed in a car accident but instead, he’s alive but terribly scarred. He hangs out in the rafters and the basement of the symphony hall and kills anyone who get too close to Leslie. He has a cursed violin that is slowly healing his disfigured appearance in return for Janos using a sharpened bow to kill people. Janos’s newest target is Ryan.

Yep, it’s Phantom of the Opera all over again, with Leslie Reins’s last name deliberately invoking the name of a past actor who played the Phantom, Claude Rains. It’s not a bad episode. There’s plenty of atmosphere and James Russo makes for a good villain. That said, the cursed antique is not that interesting and the whole episode leans a bit too much into the Phantom of the Opera story. It was a bit predictable, right down Janos accidentally killing Leslie before taking his own life and Ryan ending yet another episode in tears, with a concerned Jack and Micki watching from a distance. Ryan listens to a recording of Leslie playing her violin and swears that he’ll never fall in love again. We know that’s not true, Ryan. I guess we should be glad that Ryan is no longer looking to hook up with his cousin but still, it’s hard to feel that the guy just can’t get a break!

Next week, hopefully, things will look up for Ryan. (It would seem that they certainly couldn’t get any worse.) We’ll find out soon enough.

Mini Retro Television Review: T and T 3.10 “Silent Witness”

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

Hi, everyone! I sprained my wrist yesterday and today, it still hurts to type so today’s review is going to be a quick one. You might even call it a mini-review!

Episode 3.10 “Silent Witness”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on March 10th, 1990)

When a bank is robbed, a young deaf boy named Vito (Daniel DeSanto) is the only witness to catch sight of one of the robbers without his mask on. The police bring in T.S. to keep an eye on the kid until it is time to testify.

This was a sweet episode. Mr. T, who has occasionally seemed a bit bored with the third season of this show, really brightened up when he was acting opposite DeSanto. One gets the feeling that both T.S. and Mr. T are naturally protective of kids. It was nice to see Mr. T being warm-hearted instead of grumpy and annoyed. It felt like a flashback to the first season, when T.S. Turner was still an earnest idealist.

Proving that everyone has to start somewhere, the great character actor Henry Czerny shows up here as a corrupt cop.

This episode suffered a bit due to its short running time. Stuffing an hour’s worth of plot led to things occasionally feeling a bit rushed.

The episode ended with Vito watching Turner argue with a detective (Richard Fitzpatrick) and finally speaking, for the first time in the episode. “Stop!” Vito says. It was a nice note to end on. Stop arguing and just be happy that the case has been solved.

And that seems like a good place to stop this review.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.11 “The Monster Part II)

Posted on May 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, the story of Julian and Scotty continues!

Episode 2.11 “The Monster Part II”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on December 11th, 1985)

This week’s episode of Highway to Heaven begins where last week’s episode ended.

Julian (Jeff Kober) has been charged with attempting to murder Rachel McCullough (Annabella Price) and the whole town is ready to convict him because he has a birthmark on his face and a bratty kid named Ridley (Peter Billingsley) claims that he saw Julian push Rachel. Rachel, having hit her head, is in a coma and not expected to survive. Julian is pressured to accept a plea bargain but he protests that he’s innocent and that he loves Rachel. He would never had hurt her, no matter what the ignorant townspeople believe.

Only Jonathan and Scotty (James Troesch) believe that Julian is innocent. After Jonathan saves the depressed Scotty from drowning in his swimming pool, Scotty agrees to put off suicide so that he can defend Julian at his trial. Scotty does so from his motorized wheelchair and, as he explains to the jury, he knows what its like to be treated a certain way because you look different. With ease, Scotty demolishes Ridley’s testimony and puts the smug prosecutor in his place. All of the reporters in the courtroom are shocked when Julian is acquitted but the prosecution really didn’t have a case, beyond Julian having a birthmark on his face. Scotty gets back together with his wife (Margie Impert) and Rachel not only wakes up but she wakes up with her sight restored. Despite Julian’s fear, Rachel loves him even more when she can see his face.

Awwwwwww!

(Where is Mark during all this? He doesn’t show up until the final few minutes, probably because Victor French was busy directing this episode.)

Even if one sets aside that this episode is nearly 40 years old, it still feels old-fashioned. This is the type of courtroom drama where the trial watchers gasp at each piece of testimony. As far a courtroom procedurals go, this episode went more for melodrama than realism but that’s to expected with this show. It was heartfelt and earnest and Jeff Kober gave a touching performance as Julian.

Probably the most interesting thing about this episode was the number of times Jonathan got mad at people. He got mad at Julian’s original lawyer. He got mad at Scotty for trying to drown himself. He called Scotty’s wife a “jerk” to her face. He gave the prosecutor a dirty look during the latter’s opening statement. He even got annoyed with Julian’s overly protective mother (Ann Doran). Jonathan may be an angel but this episode suggests that even angels lose their patience.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.4 “The Classic Car”

Posted on May 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Malibu CA continues to be the worst TV show that I’ve ever reviewed for this site. Considering that I previously reviewed both City Guys and One World, that’s saying something.

Episode 1.4 “The Classic Car”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 1st, 1988)

Summer forever…. the show’s opening theme song reminds us as we, the viewers, are invited to suffer through another 30 minute tour of Jason and Scott’s life.

Scott and Sam are working together to restore a classic old car. This panics Jason because he likes Sam. This panics Stads because she likes Scott. It doesn’t panic Sam because she has absolutely zero personality and her interests are apparently determined solely by the needs of the script.

When they learn that Scott and Sam will be going to a car show, Jason and Stads decide to trick Scott and Sam into thinking the car has been stolen. However, Scott and Sam figure out what Jason and Stads are planning so they decide to make it look like the car has been stolen for real. What? How is that clever? They’re just ripping off someone else’s scheme.

Jason and Stads panic until Scott reveals the truth. He also says that Sam can’t go to the car show so all that panic was for nothing. Jason and Stads laugh and then share a kiss. “Wooooo!” the audience says.

Meanwhile, Peter tries to teach Murray how to be a businessman. Murray, the fabulously wealthy son of an oil magnate, has apparently never had a business lesson before and was allowing people to rent surfboards in return for shells. So, how exactly was the Surf Shack staying open to begin with? And since when does Peter care about money? I thought Peter was supposed to be some sort of middle-aged Zen guy.

Ugh, this episode. Imagine Saved By The Bell or California Dreams without the charm of a Slater or a Sly Winkle and you’ve got Malibu CA. In the previous episodes, Scott was the nerdy brother and Jason was the cool one. Now, with this episode, Jason is suddenly nerdy and Scott is the big handsome lug who is detailing old cars. Not even the show’s writers can keep track of who is supposed to be who. If Jason and Scott are both idiots, Sam is just incredibly boring and the idea that she’s the character that everyone is supposed to be in love with just shows how shallow-minded this show really was. Even Hang Time was willing to admit that guys could like girls other than Julie. At the end of this episode, Jason and Stads hook up but Stads deserves not only a better man but also a better nickname.

Seriously, what a terrible show.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.9 “Reaper”

Posted on May 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, on Monsters, an elderly man tries to make a deal with Death. Because if there’s anyone you can trust to honor a verbal agreement, it’s the Grim Reaper.

Episode 2.9 “Reaper”

(Dir by John Lafia, originally aired on November 26th, 1989)

Robert Ross (George D. Wallace) is a bitter old man who is living out his final days in a retirement home. Not even the sight of one of his neighbors celebrating her 103rd birthday can cheer up the angry Robert. However, things look up for Robert when he meets a new nurse, an incurable optimist named Sheila (Barbara Billingsley). Robert falls in love with her and Sheila seems to be falling in love with Robert as well.

What a terrible time for Dr. Morton (Curt Lowens) to show up in the middle of the night! Now, it should be understood that Dr. Morton is not actually a doctor nor is he human. Instead, he’s the Grim Reaper and he’s come to collect Robert’s life. Robert begs for a few more years and offers to do anything to live. The Grim Reaper makes a deal with Robert. If Robert kills three people, the Reaper will allow him to live. The requirement is that Robert has to personally kill each person and that he has to kill when the Reaper tells him to. At the same time, Robert can pick his victims. The Reaper is not particular about who he takes away with him.

Robert agrees and soon discovers that murder isn’t as difficult as he thought. After the first two murders, Robert is able to rise from his wheelchair and he starts to move around with a spring in his step. He’s ready to ask Sheila to marry him but then he spots Dr. Morton in the nursing home. Dr. Morton explains that it is Sheila’s time, unless Robert can send him a third life. Robert agrees but it turns out that he’s not the only one at the nursing home who has made a deal with the Grim Reaper. Afterall, how else do you think that woman has lived to be a 103?

Especially when compared to last week’s disappointing episode, Reaper is superior episode of Monsters. Along with telling an interesting story (and, for once, this is an episode that feels neither rushed nor padded for length), this episode featured strong performances from Wallace, Billingsley, and Lowens and a memorable villain in the form of the skull-faced Grim Reaper. Director John Lafia does a good job of creating and maintaining a properly ominous and creepy atmosphere. The image of the Grim Reaper standing in the dark hallway of the nursing home is genuinely unsettling. This was a good and effective episode that ended with a properly macabre twist.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.17 “Lose One, Win One/The $10,000 Lover/Mind My Wife”

Posted on May 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise proves that you never knew who you would see on The Love Boat as both Jill St. John and Ron “Horshack” Pallilo set sail for adventure.

Episode 4.17 “Lose One, Win One/The $10,000 Lover/Mind My Wife”

(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on January 31st, 1981)

I have often said that the least believable thing about The Love Boat has been its portrayal of Doc Bricker (played, in likable but mild-mannered fashion, by Bernie Kopell) as being a legendary seducer. This week’s episode, however, features something that is even less believable. Ron Pallilo (yes, Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter) plays Casper Martin, the world’s most successful lover.

Yes, seriously.

Now, in the show’s defense, everyone points out that Casper is a bit on the …. nerdy side. Gopher even calls him a nerd and if there’s anything that Gopher knows about, it’s being a nerd. But apparently, women are supposed to find Casper to be irresistible. (Speaking for myself …. uhmm, no.) Though Casper himself doesn’t know it, he boards the ship just five sexual encounters away from setting the world record. On the first day of the cruise, he takes it down to just being two encounters away. (SERIOUSLY — WHO TAKES A CRUISE AND HAS SEX WITH HORSHACK!?) Casper’s friend, Tony Streeter (James Darren), works for The Encyclopedia of World Records and is keeping track.

But then Casper meets the equally quirky Norma Kittredge (Gina Hecht) and falls in love and decides that he’s ready to settle down. Will the record never be broken!?

Meanwhile, another passenger — Nick Rondo (Steve Marachuk) — is convinced that rich Priscilla Hensley (Dorian Lopinto) is actually Penny, a girl that he went to high school with. It turns out that he’s right but Priscilla is lying about her background so that she can marry a rich snob named Buckstone Cooper (Sam Chew, Jr.). Who will Penny pick? Blue collar Nick or snobbish Buckstone? Do you really have to ask?

Finally, Doc is excited because his old friend, Dr. Charlie Wilson (James MacKrell) has booked a cruise with his wife, Sandy (Jill St. John). Unfortunately, Dr. Wilson has to back out of the cruise to perform surgery so Sandy sails alone. Charlie asks Doc to look after his wife and Doc agrees. However, Doc soon comes to fear that Sandy is interested in more than just friendship. (Yes, this is the cruise where Horshack gets laid while Doc — for the first time ever — tries to resist temptation.) No worries, Doc! Sandy is more interested in Captain Stubing than her husband’s best friend.

This episode was a bit on the dull side. Perhaps if Barbarino or even Epstein has taken the cruise instead of Horshack, things would have been a bit more entertaining but, as it was, this cruise didn’t make much of an impression. Even the usually reliable Jill St. John seemed to be a bit bored by the whole thing. Hopefully, next week’s episode will have something for everyone.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.5 “Circle of Fear”

Posted on May 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, something is stalking Ryan!

Episode 2.5 “Circle of Fear”

(Dir by Bruce Kessler, originally aired on October 27th, 1996)

This episode opens with a blonde woman performing some sort of strange, witchcraft-related ceremony in the middle of the woods, spinning around until she apparently dies. The next morning, Diamont Teague approaches Mitch and asks him to head out to the woods and investigate the scene of the ceremony.

As I watched Diamont talk to Mitch about witchcraft, it occurred to me that the Baywatch Nights format change that occurred between the end of season one and the start of season two led to some unanswered questions. For one thing, where has Garner disappeared to? Are Mitch and Ryan still private eyes or are they now just hobbyists? (We haven’t seen them in their office since this season started.) Even more importantly, who is Diamont and how does Mitch know him? Why is Diamont continually asking Mitch and Ryan to investigate every strange thing that happens in Malibu? Does Diamont work for the government or is he just someone who is obsessed with the paranormal? Where does Diamont live? Where is Diamont from? Why can’t Diamont ever investigate anything on his own? Why does he always tell Mitch and Ryan to do it? At the start of the season, Diamont pretty much just showed up out-of-nowhere but everyone on the show acts as if he’s been around forever.

At the site of the witchy ceremony, Mitch and Ryan find the remains of an altar and a burned book. A trip down to the local occult library reveals that the book is an ancient magical text. Ryan buys an edition of the book and she takes it home with her. Sitting alone in her new apartment, Ryan finds herself mysteriously compelled to read aloud from the book. That turns out to be a mistake as Ryan soon finds herself being followed by a spirt that apparently wants to possess her and causes harm to come to anyone who annoys her, including a flirtatious waiter and an obnoxious plumber. Can Mitch and Ryan drive the spirit out of Ryan’s apartment without Ryan losing her security deposit?

I enjoyed the episode, even if I’m still not quite clear on why Mitch and Ryan are taking orders from Diamont. After being underutilized over the past few episodes, Angie Harmon steps into the spotlight here and she gives a strong performance, especially in the scenes where she’s first realizing that an unseen spirit is manipulating her and her actions. Harmon’s down-to-earth style provides a nice match to David Hasselhoff’s more “dramatic” style of acting. (Indeed, there’s a part of me that thinks this series would have lasted longer if it had dropped the Baywatch connection and instead focused on Angie Harmon solving mysteries and battling ghosts, goblins, and ghouls.) Baywatch Nights seemed to really hit its stride with this episode.

Next week, Mitch and Ryan travel into the past!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.2 “The Devil and Mr. Roarke/Ziegfeld Girls/Kid Corey Rides Again”

Posted on May 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

This week is a busy one as Mr. Roarke deals with several guests, a new assistant …. AND THE DEVIL!

Episode 5.2 “The Devil and Mr. Roarke/Ziegfeld Girls/Kid Corey Rides Again”

(Dir by Don Chaffey, originally aired on October 17th, 1981)

The plane lands at the Island, carrying four people in search of a fantasy. Waiting to greet them are Mr. Roarke, Tattoo, and Julie. After being told that she wasn’t ready to greet the guests last week, Julie has finally been promoted. And if you thought that Mr. Roarke and Tattoo occasionally had an awkward chemistry, it’s nothing compared to how awkward things feel with a third person cheerfully taking part in their conversations. Wendy Schaal is likable enough as Julie but it’s hard to understand why, in-universe, the character is there.

As for our guests, Joan (Barbi Benton in old-age makeup) and Rubi (Audrey Landers, in even more old-age makeup) are former Ziegfeld girls who want to relive their youth. Joan’s niece, Billie (Betty Kennedy), is appearing in a Ziegfeld-style revue that is being directed by Carl Wagner (Dack Rambo). Mr. Roarke agree to make Rubi and Joan young again, with the understanding that it will only be for the weekend and that they can’t tell anyone about their fantasy while they’re experiencing it. The women agree and are overjoyed when they are transformed into their younger selves. (I’m going to guess that Benton and Landers were probably even happier to ditch the old age makeup.) Rubi promptly decides to steal Carl away from Billie. Joan is shocked by Rubi’s behavior and she has to decide whether to allow her friend to live her fantasy or to tell the truth about what she and Rubi are doing on the island.

Also going into the past is a meek shoe salesman named Ned Plummer (Arte Johnson). Ned wants to go back to the old west so that he can meet his hero, outlaw Kid Corey. Corey is famous for disappearing after pulling off a million dollar robbery. Ned even has an old picture of Corey in which Corey possesses a definite resemblance to Ned himself. Mr. Roarke warns Ned that, when he goes to the past, the bullets will be real and he won’t be able to return to the present until his fantasy is over. Given a magic horse, Ned rides into the past and promptly meets Kid Corey (Jack Elam).

It turns out that Kid Corey doesn’t look like Ned. It also turns out that Kid Corey is not the Robin Hood-type figure that he was made out to be in the history books. Kid Corey isn’t even a Kid! He’s an irascible old man who doesn’t lift a finger when Ned is arrested by Sheriff Matt (Cameron Mitchell, naturally enough), taken to jail, and sentenced to hang. Oh no! It sound like it’s time for Mr. Roarke to save Ned, right? Well, Mr. Roarke is busy with another situation so it’s Tattoo who shows up in Ned’s fantasy and, oddly, Tattoo doesn’t seem to be that worried about Ned getting executed. Maybe Tattoo is planning on blaming it all on Julie. (That said, it is nice to see Tattoo get to do something more than just as Mr. Roarke questions. In this episode, Herve Villechaize seems to be enjoying the chance to show off his snarky side.)

What is occupying Mr. Roarke’s attention? Well, Satan (Roddy McDowall) has returned to the Island. He claims that he’s just looking for a relaxing weekend but it soon becomes obvious that, once again, he wants Roarke’s soul. Mr. Roarke warns Julie to be careful what she says around the Devil. So, of course, Julie promptly offers to give away her soul.

Now, in Julie’s defense, she was trying to save a guest who was drowning in quicksand and what she said is that she would do anything to save the guest’s life. Satan hears and saves the guest in return for Julie giving him her soul at midnight. Still, I have to wonder why Julie hadn’t been previously trained on how to pull someone out of quicksand. I mean, if she’s ready to meet the guests then I would think that Roarke would have given her quicksand training. That really seems like the first thing that someone should learn when they start working on Fantasy Island.

(For that matter, why is there so much quicksand on a resort!?)

Satan — surprise! — is willing to call off his deal with Julie in return for Roarke giving up his soul at midnight. Roarke agrees but then he tricks Satan by singing a contract transferring possession of his soul to Julie. Since Roarke’s soul is now Julie’s, Roarke can’t get give it away. Because the overly cocky Satan spends too much time gloating and then gets upset over being conned, he loses track of time and the midnight hour passes without Satan taking anyone’s souls.

(I’m not sure if any of this would hold up in court but, to be honest, I don’t really know much about contract law.)

With three stories and a new sidekick to introduce, this was a very busy episode. The Ziegfeld and the Old West fantasies were nicely done. The Ziegfeld costumes were to die for and Jack Elam was memorably uncouth in the role of Kid Corey. That said, as you can probably guess, the main attraction here is Roddy McDowall hamming it up as the Devil. He and Montalban both seem to be having a lot of fun in this episode and their confrontation is entertaining to watch. I wish Julie hadn’t been portrayed as being such a naive fool but still, this was an enjoyable weekend on the Island.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.5 “Neighborhood Watch”

Posted on May 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch and Baker abandon the highways and keep watch over a neighborhood.

Episode 2.5 “Neighborhood Watch”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on October 14th, 1978)

After a series of near-accidents and speeding violations occur in an upper class neighborhood, Getraer decides to take his people off the highways and instead assign then to keep an eye on one residential street. Ponch is happy because it means he gets to sit on his bike and watch all of the women who jog throughout the day. Baker is happy for presumably the same reason, though he’s noticeably less obvious about it than Ponch. To be honest, I’m surprised that Ponch hasn’t been in more accidents because he can never keep his eyes on the road.

Unfortunately, even a quiet neighborhood street has its problems. Gerald Billings (Stephen Young) is struggling, with both his marriage and with his attempts to find a new job. The first time that Baker pulls him over, it’s because Gerald is speeding and shaving in his car. The second time, it’s because Gerald is driving drunk after finding out that he has been turned down for yet another job. It’s after the second arrest that Gerald files a formal complaint against Baker.

What’s interesting is that this is the same thing that often happens to Ponch but Getraer is instantly sympathetic to Baker whereas he’s never that way when it comes to anyone trying to get Ponch in trouble. Indeed, Getraer often comes across as if he can’t wait for the day when he’ll have an excuse to fire Ponch. Don’t get me wrong. Ponch is pretty obnoxious and his behavior while on the job is often rather gauche. But it’s still pretty obvious that, for all of Ponch’s flaws, the tension between him and Getraer is personal in nature. Getraer just doesn’t like him.

As for Baker, he gets off the hook when he arrests Gerald a third time. After a drunk Gerald accidentally runs over a pedestrian and crashes his car, Gerald takes off on foot. Baker catches him and it’s pretty obvious that Gerald’s going to be heading off to jail. His complaint will be forgotten. Even if Gerald wasn’t going to jail, I’m sure Getraer would have pulled some string for his favorite motorcycle cop.

This episode’s other plotline revolved around some mischievous kids who had too much free time on their hands and almost always seemed to be doing something reckless on their skateboards. The most prominent of them was Brian (played by Robbie Rist, who previously gained infamy as Cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch). Brian even buzzed Ponch and Jon with a model airplane. Realizing the kids weren’t really that bad, Ponch took them to a skate park and showed off a few of his own skateboard moves. Let’s just say that Erik Estrada was no Tony Hawk.

This episode was kind of boring. I get that the episode was showing that the Highway Patrol does good work even off the highways but the highway — and more importantly, the chance to see a fast-paced chase or a spectacular crash on the highway — is the main reason anyone would have for watching this show. Taking Ponch and Baker off the highway just feels wrong. Hopefully, they’ll be back where they belong next week!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.15 “One Way Ticket”

Posted on May 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, the Canadians are coming!

Episode 2.15 “One Way Ticket”

(Dir by Craig Bolotin, originally aired on January 24th, 1986)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice opens with one of the most unintentionally hilarious shots that I’ve ever seen. The action starts at a fancy wedding. The daughter of District Attorney Richard Langley (Jon DeVries) is getting married. The cream and the crop of Miami society has turned out. The camera pans over all of the formally dressed men and women until it finally comes to a stop on Sonny, wearing his white suit, a blue t-shirt, and no socks. He’s attending the wedding Tubbs, who at least bothered to put on a dress shirt.

Seriously, Sonny …. it’s wedding! Would it kill you to wear a tie or maybe put on socks to go to a wedding? And, I know I bring this up every week, but how can Sonny continually convince every bad guy in Miami that he’s a drug dealer named Sonny Burnett when he’s doing stuff like attending the wedding of the District Attorney’s daughter? Does he think that no one is going to notice that the drug dealer who always wears the same white suit looks and sounds exactly like the cop who is always wearing the same white suit?

That said, I guess it’s good that Sonny and Tubbs are the wedding because, during the reception, a coked-up assassin named Sagot (Lothaire Bluteau) pulls a gun and kills not only Langley but also two bridesmaids who happened to be standing close by. Sagot manages to escape from the reception but, that night, Zito and Switek track him down to Miami’s hottest French Canadian nightclub, Le Lieu, and arrest him on possession charges.

Sagot is working for a French Canadian drug lord named Faber (Jean-Pierre Matte) and, as with all of Faber’s men, his attorney is Laurence Thurmond (John Heard). Thurmond was a good friend of Langley’s and it’s obvious from the start that he’s not comfortable with the idea of defending the men who killed him. Thurmond and Crockett also have a long history together. Crockett blames Thurmond for getting a case dismissed against someone who shot one of Crockett’s partners, though it sounds like Thurmond was just doing his job and Crockett is actually to blame for not following proper procedure while making his arrest. (Seriously, due process may be a pain in the ass but Sonny has no excuse for not knowing what’s going to happen when he violates it.) Crockett continually demands to know how Thurmond can live with himself. Thurmond, who likes to fly a private plane in his spare time, says that it’s not easy. Then again, Thurmond can afford his own airplane and a wedding suit so, even if it is difficult to live with himself, at least he’s living well. (And again, Sonny may not like it but everyone has the right to an attorney. Again, if you’re sloppy enough to not read someone their rights or to search someone’s house without probable cause, that’s on you and not on the person who pointed it out.)

As much as Crockett would love to spend all of his time harassing Thurmond, he has a case to solve. He wants to get revenge for Langley’s death. He also wants to figure out who keeps sending him anonymous tips that are full of information that presumably only a defense attorney would know….

Lothaire Bluteau’s makes for a memorably unhinged villain and all of the evil French Canadians made for a nice change of pace from the show’s usual rogue’s gallery. That said, this episode was pretty much dominated by John Heard, playing the type of role that he played best. Heard’s morally conflicted attorney has a lot in common with the morally conflicted police detective that he later played on The Sopranos and Heard’s melancholy performance was a nice contrast to Don Johnson’s intensity. Full of twists and turns, this episode ended on a perfect note. In the end, Crockett may still not like Thurmond but he finally understands him.