Retro Television Review: T and T 3.9 “Movie Madness”

Posted on May 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, things get really, really silly.

Episode 3.9 “Movie Madness”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on March 3rd, 1990)

Fritz and Nobby are back!

Who?

Fritz (Dominic Cuzzocrea) and Nobby (Avery Saltzman) are two criminals who appeared in two episode of the second season of T and T. The first time they appeared, they pulled a gun on T.S. Turner and threatened to kill him, The second time, they were portrayed a bit more comedically as lovable bunglers. This third episode finds Fritz and Nobby at their most cartoonish.

Fritz wants to rob a Chinese jewelry store that happens to be right next to Decker’s gym. So, he and Nobby walk into the gym and tell Decker that they’ve reformed and they want to shoot a boxing movie starring him. Decker agrees to act. (“I could have been a contender!” he announces.) Then Terri shows up and demands to know what Fritz and Dobby are doing at the gym so they ask her if she wants to be the female lead. (“I have always depended on strangers being kind,” she says.) The boxing movie becomes a love story. Then, when the gym starts shaking due to the efforts to break through the wall that the gym shares with the jewelry store, Fritz explains that they’re testing the special effects for the big earthquake scene. It’s a boxing love story disaster film!

Where is T.S. Turner during all of this? Well, he doesn’t show up until the final 10 minutes of the episode. He immediately suspects that Fritz and Nobby are up to no good. “I’m going to pull the plug on your permanently!” he growls.

One would think that Fritz and Nobby would be smart enough to get out of the gym but they still try to blow up the wall, even with Turner nearby. That’s a big mistake as Turner proceeds to grab them and turn them over to the police.

What a weird episode. First off, Decker has been dumb in the past but he’s never been this dumb. Secondly, Terri apparently knows Fritz and Nobby despite the fact that she wasn’t around during the second season. Not only has this show failed to explain why Amy is no longer on the show but it also continually acts as if Terri has always been present despite not showing up until the start of third season. We’re just mean to accept that Teri has always been the second T in T and T. (How Orwellian.) Finally, T.S. Turner is absent for most of the episode. Why would you go to the trouble to build a show around Mr. T and then not use him?

This was all pretty silly and pretty dumb, even by T and T standards. Remember when this show at least pretended to be a crime drama?

Oh well. There’s only a handful of episodes left! We’ll make it.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.8 “The Mysterious Mauler”

Posted on May 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mr. T enters the wrestling ring and we all wonder what took so long. Seriously, T and T, do you not realize who is starring on your show?

Episode 3.8 “The Mysterious Mauler”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on February 24th, 1990)

Teri and T.S. Turner are hired to investigate a series of accidents that have afflicted the wrestlers of the Galactis Wrestling Federation. With the GWF royal championship coming up, all of the contenders are being taken out of contention before they even step into the ring! Teri and T.S. think that a wrestler known as the Masked Mauler may be involved but the head of GWF, Mr. Barnum (Elias Zarou, chewing every available piece of scenery), refuses to reveal the Mauler’s true identity. Instead, Mr. Barnum is more interested in putting a “hood” on T.S. Turner and sending him into the ring.

From the start, this episode confused me. It opened with Terri excitedly telling T.S. that their money woes were over because they had been hired by an insurance company to investigate all of the accidents that have been taking place in the GWF. Now, I could understand the company hiring Turner because he’s an established detective but this episode seems to suggest that Terri is now a private investigator as well. But, in every previous episode, Terri has been portrayed as being an attorney who is almost as prominent and as successful as her sister Amy. Terri suddenly working for an insurance company as an investigator doesn’t really make sense. Aren’t the Taler sisters supposed to be crusading attorneys who have dedicated their practice to defending the little guy from heartless corporations? But now, Terri is suddenly an enthusiastic insurance investigator. Terri sold out!

And yet, this episode actually isn’t that bad, at least not by the usual standards of T and T. From the minute I learned this episode was set in the world of professional wrestling, I knew that Mr. T would eventually end up in the ring while wearing a sparkly uniform and that’s exactly what happened. Mr. T perfectly fits into the flamboyant world of pro-wrestling and he certainly does seem to be in a good mood in this episode. From the second season on, T and T has often failed to take advantage of the fact that half of their duo was Mr. T. This episode allows Mr. T to be himself.

As for the Mauler, his identity is eventually revealed. He owns a pizzeria and wears a mask so that his wife won’t discover that he’s a wrestler. The Mauler may be fearsome in the ring but, outside of it, he’s just trying to live a peaceful life and make an appetizing pizza. Good for him!

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.7 “A Lesson In Values”

Posted on May 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this episode, Terri finally get to show what she can do in court.

Episode 3.7 “A Lesson In Values”

(Dir by Clay Borris, originally aired on February 17th, 1990)

While working late at the courthouse, Terri stumbles across a homeless man named Nesmith. Nesmith explains that he’s not a drug addict or a drunk or a criminal or anyone dangerous. He’s just a man who lives on the streets and travels the country, jotting down his thoughts in notebooks. Terri is charmed by Nesmith and offers to find him room at a nearby hostel. Nesmith accepts the offer but then drops dead of a heart attack.

Terri takes it upon herself to serve as executor of his estate. In his will, Nesmith asks that all of his money — several thousand dollars — be left to his friend and traveling companion, Junior Grayson. Turner tracks down Grayson, which is about all T.S. Turner does in this episode. Instead, the entire episode revolves around Terri trying to prove that Nesmith’s will is legitimate. Nesmith’s wife (Fran Gebhard) and her sleazy attorney (John Stocker) want the money for themselves, despite the fact that Nesmith left home 12 years previously and had little contact with her afterwards.

It took seven episodes but Terri finally gets to be at the center of an episode. Unfortunately, it’s a pretty predictable episode and it’s also one that presents the homeless as being not people in need of support but instead as whimsical truth-tellers who enjoy living on the streets. As played by Kristina Nicoll, Terri is not a particularly credible attorney. I mean, Amy was definitely an underused character but you never doubted that she knew what she was doing in court. Terri, on the other hand, seems to think that suggesting that the judge will be a big meany head if she doesn’t find for Grayson is an effective argument.

In the end, Grayson does get the money but, because Nesmith’s owed a bunch of back taxes (Come on, Canada, the mans dead!), Grayson will only be getting a few dollars. That’s okay, though. Grayson knows that there’s more to life than money. Grayson gives Terri all of Nesmith’s notebooks and the episode ends with Terri starting to read them while Turner and Decker box in the background. (Seriously, Turner does next to nothing in this episode and, from what we do see of him, he just seems to be annoyed in general.) Personally, I was hoping that the episode would end with Terri announcing that she was going to get the notebooks published so that everyone could know who Nesmith was.

Another strange thing about this episode is that the actors playing Nesmith and Grayson were not credited. I sat through this show a handful of times, looking for their names but they were never listed. (And they’re not listed at the imdb either.) The actor playing Grayson gave a heartfelt performance and was this episode’s redeeming factor. I wish I could credit him.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.6 “Take My Life Please”

Posted on April 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Canadian Mafia (*snicker*) is making trouble.

Episode 3.6 “Take My Life Please”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on February 10th, 1990)

Phillip Phillips (played by Robert Cait) is a stand-up comedian who makes jokes about the mob. His mafia-themed humor has made him the hottest comic in Canada but it’s also led to him having a run-in with two men who say that they work for the mob. After they beat him up, Phillip goes to Terri and T.S Turner for help. Terri totally wants to help out Phillip, especially after he explains that he can’t just change his act because “I do mob jokes!” Turner, oddly enough, seems rather indifferent to the whole thing. Maybe he misses Amy.

After being absent for the past two episodes, Terri does return in this episode and she actually gets to do quite a bit. In fact, since T.S. doesn’t really seem to care that much about Philip and his attempts at comedy, Terri actually ends up doing most of the investigating. What Terri does not do is mention where Amy has gone or why everyone is acting as if Terri has always been around. We are six episodes into the third season and the show still hasn’t bothered to explain why a major character has just vanished. It’s disconcerting. I mean, did something bad happen to Amy? Is that why they’re pretending like she never existed? Could Turner’s indifferent attitude actually be the result of the depression that he feels over losing the person who launched the appeal that put him back on the streets? Poor T.S.!

As for this episode, I have to admit that I’m a bit skeptical that Phillip, or any comedian working the Toronto comedy circuit, could become a superstar by exclusively making jokes about the Mafia. I mean, Phillips isn’t Jerry Lewis playing Las Vegas in the 50s and he’s not Don Rickles joking with Joey Gallo in New York in the 70s. This certainly isn’t Sicily, where it requires a lot of courage to run the risk of upsetting the Mafia. This is Canada. And while Canada certainly does have a Mafia that played an important role in smuggling liquor into the United States during prohibition, it’s still hard to believe that Canada is so mob-infested that a hacky comedian like Phillip could become a star with jokes like, “Remember the mob spelled backwards is bom.”

Of course, in fairness to the episode, it does eventually turn out that the two men who are threatening to Phillip are not actually affiliated with the Mafia. Instead, they’ve been hired by a comedy club owner who wants to scare Phillip into hiring him as his agent. That’s actually a fairly clever twist on the episode’s part but it still requires us to believe that the painfully unfunny Phillip is on the verge of superstardom. It just doesn’t work.

Personally, I think this episode should have been about T.S. Turner launching a career as a stand-up comedian. Seriously, talk about a missed opportunity.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.3 “Halfway to Nowhere”

Posted on April 5, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Terri and Turner take down the loathsome head of a halfway house.

Episode 3.3 “Halfway to Nowhere”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired January 20th, 1990)

Roman (Louis Ferreira) is an angry young man who is on parole and who has been living at a halfway house that is run by Eddy (Danny Pawlick). When Roman discovers that Eddy has been harassing Roman’s girlfriend, Sissy (Krista Bridges), Roman attacks Eddy. Eddy kicks Roman out of the halfway house and attempts to have him sent back to prison.

Terri just happens to be in the police station when Roman is brought in and, just like Amy used to do before her mysterious disappearance, Terri declares herself to be Roman’s attorney. (One gets the feeling that the show’s producers just crossed out Amy’s name on a bunch of scripts and wrote in “Terri.”) Roman turns out to be a terrible client who refuses to talk to anyone, including the attorney who is trying to keep him out of jail. Terri finally calls up T.S. Turner and asks him for help.

Turner’s reaction is to growl about how late it is.

Seriously, what’s going on with Turner this season? He’s in an even worse mood than usual. Maybe he’s mad because Amy has mysteriously vanished without explanation. After all, Turner owed Amy. Amy was the one who got him out of prison. It made sense that Turner would always be willing to drop everything to help out Amy. Terri is just some random lawyer who has shown up out of nowhere.

Terri, it should be said, is not a very good lawyer. At the parole hearing, she puts Eddy on the stand and asks him a bunch of questions, despite not having a clue as to how Eddy is going to respond. She also dramatically announces that she will be calling Sissy as a witness before she knows whether or not Sissy has agreed to testify. When Turner steps into the courtroom without Sissy and shakes his head because Sissy refuses to testify, Terri is forced to walk back her words. I doubt that parole board appreciated that and they probably took their frustration out on Terri’s client.

In the end, Sissy does agree to wear a wire and Eddy stupidly talks about all the crimes that he’s committed as the head of a halfway house. Eddy ends up getting arrested and Sissy and Roman are reunited briefly. That said, it appears that Roman is still going to go back to jail because Terri is a terrible attorney.

On the plus side, this episode featured one of the most loathsome villains to ever show up on T&T and it was satisfying to watch Terri and Turner take him down. On the other hand, it would have been even more satisfying if Terri wasn’t terrible at her job and if Turner didn’t seem to be annoyed by even having to be in her presence. This episode was a mixed bag but at least it looked like Eddy was going away for a long time.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.2 “Hargrove’s Call”

Posted on March 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, T.S. investigates a shooting involving a retired police officer. I wonder what Amy would think of all this.

Episode 3.2 “Hargrove’s Call”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on January 13th, 1990)

Bitter, retired cop E.V. Richter (J. Winston Carroll) lives alone, in a house that sits in a neighborhood that has seen better days. He spends his days drinking and his nights fighting with the teenagers who live in the neighborhood. One night, the teens are setting off firecrackers in an alley behind Richter’s house. When Richter yells at them, one of the teens starts to approach his house with a firecracker. Richter shoots him and then tries to plant a gun on the body. However, by the time the police arrive, the gun has disappeared.

The wounded teen’s mother recruits Terri and Turner to prove that her son wasn’t carrying a gun when he was shot. While Turner investigates and tries to discover what happened to the gun, Detective Dick Hargrove (David Hemblen) most deal with his own suspicion that his former colleague is not being honest about what happened.

This was an interesting episode, in that Richter was definitely the bad guy but he also had a legitimate reason to be upset. Setting off firecrackers behind someone’s house is pretty obnoxious and responding to homeowner’s complaint by trying to toss a firecracker at him is …. well, actually, it’s kind of illegal. At least, it is down here. Maybe it’s different up in Canada. Maybe in Canada, they settle disagreements with firecrackers all the time, I don’t know. That said, when Richter tries to plant the gun, he reveals that he’s gone over the edge and it becomes apparent that if he hadn’t shot the kid over the firecrackers, he would have shot him over something else. T and T will never be known as a nuanced or particularly thoughtful show but at least this episode tried to do something more than just follow the standard “Mr. T growls and beats people up” plot.

That said, I still find it weird and distracting that everyone on the show acts as if Terri has always lived in the neighborhood and has always been some sort of crusader. Two episodes into season three and there’s still been no mention of what happened to Amy or why Terri is now suddenly the one in charge. Are we meant to assume that Terri was always around but not just seen during the first two seasons? Or did something happen to Amy that required Terri to move to Toronto or wherever this show is supposed to take place? The lack of even the most rudimentary of explanations feels weird and distracting. Obviously, T and T was never a stickler for continuity but having a major character just vanish without explanation is a big deal. Shouldn’t Turner be out looking for Amy or something?

Maybe that’ll happen next week. We’ll see!

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.1 “Cracked”

Posted on March 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the final season of T and T begins with some changes!

Episode 3.1 “Cracked”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on January 6th, 1990)

The first episode of the third season begins with all new opening credits. We no longer hear about T.S. Turner’s backstory. I guess it no longer matters that Turner was framed for a murder that he didn’t commit and that crusading lawyer Amy Taler got him out and put him in a suit and tie to work as a private investigator.

That’s not all though. Amy herself is no longer listed in the opening credits. Instead, there’s a new T in T & T. Kristina Nicoll joins the cast as “Terri Taler.” Judging by her last name, it’s easy to guess that she is meant to be Amy’s sister. Of course, if the credits didn’t specifically tell you that Terri’s last name is Taler, you wouldn’t have the slightest idea who she was. This episode begins with Terri already well-established as a neighborhood activist and as Turner’s partner. Amy is not even mentioned. It’s as if she just vanished and suddenly, there was Terri.

I have to admit that really bothered me. It’s true that Amy didn’t get to do much during the second season and I can understand why Alex Amini might have wanted to do other things than just stand in the background while Mr. T growled. But Amy was still technically the co-lead and it just feel wrong to not even have someone say, “Hey, what happened to Amy?”

(Joe Casper is also gone without explanation but Joe was never that important of a character to begin with.)

As for the episode itself, the neighborhood is sick of being home to a crack house. While Terri encourages everyone to protest in front of the house and to take pictures of anyone going inside (which sounds like a good way to get some people killed, to be honest), T.S. tracks down the owner of the house and demands that he work with the police to get the crack dealers out of there. T.S even goes undercover as a drug dealer so that he can get into the house himself….

Seriously, in what world, could Mr. T ever go undercover? I mean, even in-universe, it’s established that T.S. is one of the people protesting the crack house. How are the dealers not going to recognize T.S. Turner? And before anyone says it’s because they’re smoking crack, let me just say that I have some doubts as to whether or not they actually were using that house as a crack house. Seriously, it was the neatest and cleanest crack house that I’ve ever seen.

(Not that I’ve seen many crack houses, mind you. I once lived across the street from someone who stole copper wiring for a living and his house was a mess so I assume a crack house would be even worse.)

Eh. The third and final season is not off to a great start, you all. Hopefully, next week, we’ll get an explanation as to why there’s now a different T in T and T.