Catching Up With The Films of 2018: Fifty Shades Freed (dir by James Foley)

Posted on November 4, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Mrs. Grey will see you now.” (Insert your own eye roll GIF here.)

Occasionally, you see a film and, even though you know you should, you just never get around to reviewing it. For instance, I saw Fifty Shades Freed when it was originally released in February and then I watched it again when it was released on DVD. Both times, I thought to myself that I should write down my thoughts on the film, if for no other reason than the fact that I previously reviewed both Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker for this site. And yet, I never did. To be honest, it was difficult to really think of anything to say about this movie that I hadn’t said about the previous two films.

Fifty Shades Freed opens with Christian (Jamie Dornan) and Ana (Dakota Johnson) getting married and going on their honeymoon. It’s fun! It’s sexy! And it’s kinda creepy because, as always, Christian has control issues and he has to have his security team following them all over the place. Christian freaks out with Ana removes her top on the beach. Ana gasps at the sights of handcuffs. There’s one hot sex scene that will temporarily make you forget about the fact that Jamie Dornan doesn’t seem to be that good of an actor. It’s everything that you’d expect from a Fifty Shades honeymoon.

Unfortunately, the honeymoon ends way too quickly and then we have to deal with the marriage. On the plus side, marrying Christian Grey means that you get to live in a really nice house and fly around in a private jet. On the negative side, Christian is still basically an immature douchebag and, now that’s she rich, Ana has become a lot less likable.

Christian freaks out when he discovers that Ana is still using the name “Ana Steele” in her email address. Ana explains that she’s Ana Steele at work but then, when she meets an architect named Gia Matteo (Arielle Kebbell), Ana tells her to stop flirting with her husband and announces, “You can call me Mrs. Grey!” with all the intensity of Kelly Kapowski announcing that she’s going to prom with Zach Morris on Saved By The Bell.

The marriage continues to play out like a perfume commercial written by Sartre’s bastard child. Fortunately, there’s a few more sex scenes that are designed to again remind us that a good body can make up for a lack of everything else. Unfortunately, Ana gets upset when Christian tries to humiliate her for real and a pouty Christian walks out of a shower as soon as Ana steps into it. Ana is told that she’s pregnant and Christian totally freaks out because he still has all sorts of things that he wants to do with his money. Christian’s a douchebag but he’s got a good body and he’s like super rich. Have I already mentioned that?

Anyway, it turns out that Ana is being stalked by her former boss, Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson). Fortunately, all of the stalking allows Ana and Christian to rediscover their love for each other. There’s a kidnapping. There’s a car chase. There’s a lot of music and a lot of scenes of Dakota Johnson looking confused and Jamie Dornan looking blank. It’s a Fifty Shades movie. What else were you expecting?

The usual argument that critics tend to make with the Fifty Shades trilogy is that the movies are terrible but Dakota Johnson does the best that she can with the material. Actually, both Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan are pretty lousy in all three of these films but Ana was at least kind of a sympathetic character in the previous two films. Unfortunately, Fifty Shades Freed sees Ana and Christian becoming a boring married couple and what little chemistry Dornan and Johnson had in the previous films completely vanishes. As a result, Ana doesn’t seem like someone lucky enough to have fallen in love with a man who just happens to be super wealthy. Instead, she just comes across like someone who sold her soul for a private jet.

Fifty Shades Freed is the weakest of the trilogy, done in by the fact that there’s really not much of a story to tell. Ana and Christian get to live blissfully ever after and it’s always good to see happy mannequins. I saw this movie with my best friend and we talked through the entire movie and I imagine that’s what we’ll do every time we rewatch it.

Film Review: Fifty Shades Darker (dir by James Foley)

Posted on February 10, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is shaping up to be the cinematic equivalent of a twitter parody account.

That’s the conclusion that I reached today after my BFF Evelyn and I watched the second part of the trilogy, Fifty Shades Darker. Since we had both read the book, we weren’t shocked when Fifty Shades Darker turned out to be a bad movie. Hell, we weren’t surprised when Fifty Shades of Grey turned out to be bad, either. Each subsequent book was worst than the one that came before it so, when the film version of Fifty Shades Freer is released next year, it should be the worst of all.

Still, nothing could have prepared us for the amount of laugh-out-loud moments and odd details that were offered up in Fifty Shades Darker. Consider just a few:

Having broken up with Christian “I’m fifty shades of fucked up” Grey at the end of the previous film, Ana Steele (Dakota Johnson, doing penance in the hope of being sprung from Purgatory) is now working for a hip and trendy Seattle publishing company! How do we know that it’s hip and trendy? Well, it’s in Seattle and it’s called Seattle Independent Publishing! (As opposed to Seattle Corporate Press.) Her boss, Jack (Eric Hyde) leers at her in a style that basically screams, “Lifetime movie villain!” There’s a scene in which Ana tells her editors that they should be making more of an attempt to reach readers in the “18-24 demographic” and everyone reacts as if this is the first time that they’ve ever heard about this concept. You half expect someone to say, “18 to 24 year olds! WHY DIDN’T WE THINK OF THAT!?” Seriously, after seeing this, I’m going to send my resume to the Dallas Observer, along with a note that says, “18-24. Hire me for more info.”

When Christian (poor Jamie Dornan, who I’m pretty sure was trying to blink out an S.O.S. signal at certain points in the film) and Ana first reunite, it’s to attend an art show. Ana’s artist friend has filled an entire gallery with photos of Ana, the majority of which resemble the “sexy” photos that Darcy posted to her MyRoom page in that very special episode of Degrassi. Christian buys all the pictures because he can’t handle the idea of anyone else having Ana on their wall. This obsessive and controlling act is just enough to apparently make Ana reconsider her decision to dump Christian because he was being too obsessive and controlling.

Christian eventually confesses to Ana that he’s only attracted to women who look like his mother and he punishes them because he’s angry with her. “Oh, Christian, your Oedipal complex is so sexy,” Ana coos. Okay, she doesn’t say that. I said that and then Evelyn said something that I can’t repeat. And then we laughed and laughed. Don’t get me wrong. I know that everyone has their issues and God knows, I’ve got a few myself. But the minute a guy tells me that he’s only dating me because I look like his mother, that’s the minute I leave.

When Christian tells Ana about his messed up childhood, Ana responds by drawing on his chest with lipstick. And I swear, that lipstick remains on his chest — without a smudge — for at least a few days. Every time we would catch a glimpse of those perfect lipstick markings on Christian’s chest, Evelyn and I would start laughing. I mean, drawing on your partner (or having your partner draw on you) can be fun but most people wash it off after a while.

(Incidentally, when the Scary Movie people get around to parodying this movie, you know that the lipstick scene is going to be recreated.)

Christian’s childhood bedroom is decorated with a poster of Vin Diesel. When Christian is pouring out his heart, Vin Diesel is glowering in the background. It would have been neat if the poster had suddenly come to life. Perhaps Vin could have suddenly appeared in the bedroom and said, “Someday … BUT NOT TODAY!”

And I’m not even going to talk about the Ben Wa balls.

Anyway, there’s really not much of a plot in Fifty Shades Darker. Ana gets back together with Christian but says that she wants to have a “vanilla” relationship. Christian agrees but he still keeps doing controlling stuff, like buying Ana’s company and freezing her bank account. Ana gets mad. Ana breaks up with him. They get back together. This happens a few times. Christian tells Ana to stay away from a man. Ana gets upset but then the man tries to rape her which feels like the film’s way of putting her in her place for doubting Christian’s instincts when it comes to men. Kim Basinger pops up as the woman who introduced Christian to BDSM and tells Ana that Christian will never be happy in a vanilla relationship. Ana says that vanilla is her favorite ice cream. Here’s my thing: why can’t Ana come up with a more complimentary term than “vanilla” to describe her relationship goals? I mean, Ana’s clever. She came up with that whole 18-24 thing, after all.

There’s also a crazy woman (Bella Heathcote) who shows up occasionally. We know she’s crazy because she’s dressed like someone who lives in an abandoned subway tunnel. She occasionally grabs Ana and says, “I’m nobody!” Hmmm….I wonder what that’s about…

(Well, don’t wonder too much. There’s not a single mystery or question in Fifty Shades Darker that isn’t solved a scene or two after it’s raised.)

One of the redeeming things about Fifty Shades of Grey is that neither Dakota Johnson nor director Sam Taylor-Johnson seemed to be taking it all that seriously. Dakota would pause meaningfully before delivering the worst of her dialogue, a sign that even she couldn’t believe what she was about to say. Meanwhile, Sam Taylor-Johnson’s direction suggested that she found the story to be just as ludicrous and stupid as everyone else. However, Fifty Shades Darker is directed by James Foley. Foley is a veteran director, one who has been making films since before I was born. He does a workmanlike job and you can almost hear him shouting, “Now, where’s my paycheck!?” during certain scenes. Under Foley’s direction, there’s no winking at the audience. There’s no hints of subversion. Foley’s direction is very literal and more than a little dull. He was hired to direct a big-budget version of a Chanel No. 5 commercial and that’s exactly what he does.

The other big issue with Fifty Shades Darker is that Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan have very little romantic chemistry. They both look good naked but that’s about it. Jamie looks miserable to be there and Dakota seems to be trying to keep herself amused. The lack of chemistry was less of a problem in Fifty Shades of Grey. In that film, all that mattered was that Christian was rich and hot and Ana didn’t really haven’t anything better to do. But, in Fifty Shades Darker, we’re asked to believe that they’re actually deeply in love and … no, it just doesn’t work.

Evelyn and I laughed through the entire movie. In the past, we’ve gotten in trouble for doing this because we do have a tendency to get a little bit loud. However, nobody in the audience seemed to mind.

Anyway, Fifty Shades Freer will be coming out next year. Hopefully, someone will read this review and work my idea about the Vin Diesel cameo into the film.

Seriously, it would be great!

Film Review: Fifty Shades of Grey (dir by Sam Taylor-Johnson)

Posted on February 16, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If there’s anything that’s obvious from looking over some of the reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey, it’s that only after you’ve read the book can you properly appreciate the film.

If you haven’t read the book, you’ll probably watch the film and dismiss it as being a draggy film that has some truly terrible dialogue and which features two actors who look good naked but who have absolutely no chemistry. You might appreciate that fact that Dakota Jonson, at the very least, appears to be trying to give a good performance. You might even acknowledge that director Sam Taylor-Johnson manages to capture a few pretty images. You might even be happy that she resisted the temptation to cast her husband, Aaron Taylor-Johnson (a.k.a., the least interesting bankable actor working today), in the role of Christian Grey. But, even with all of that, you’ll probably still probably watch the film and, even with its artfully composed and shot sex scenes, think to yourself, “That was two hours of my life that I’ll never get back.”

However, if you have read the book, then you will be capable of watching the film and understanding that, as flawed as it may be, 50 Shades of Grey probably should have been a thousand times worse. It may seem weird to praise Sam Taylor-Johnson for managing to create a below average film but, considering her source material, below average is probably the best that could be hoped for.

Both the film and the book tell the same basic story. Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) is a 21 year-old English lit major. We know that she’s intelligent because she knows the difference between Thomas Hardy the writer and Tom Hardy the actor. We know that she’s innocent because, the first time that she interviews Christian Grey, she wears a sweater.

As for Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), he’s a 28 year-old multibillionaire. We are constantly assured that he’s the most interesting man in the world, despite the fact that he actually seems to be rather dull. He likes Ana. She likes him. But Christian doesn’t do the relationship thing. Instead, he explains, “I fuck. Hard.” (As opposed to doing so limp…) He’s not interested in having a “vanilla” relationship with Ana. Instead, he wants her to sign a contract in which she’ll agree to be his submissive.

That’s right — Christian claims to be into BDSM. And, in order to prove that point, he has a red dungeon that’s full of stuff that he apparently picked up at a BDSM yard sale. The dungeon’s red, of course. In both the book and the film, a good deal of time is spent attempting to explain BDSM and, in both cases, you’re left with the feeling that Christian got most of his knowledge from reading Wikipedia. In many ways, Christian comes across like someone who has never had a drink pretending to be drunk. He tries really hard but … no.

Anyway, a lot of the film comes down to Christian trying to get Ana to sign a contract. Ana agrees to give up her freedom. When she asks what she gets in return, Christian replies, “Me.” Which, if Christian was being played by Ryan Gosling or Michael Fassbender, might be an incentive. But instead, he’s being played by Jamie Dornan who, quite frankly, looks embarrassed to be there.

Those who have read the book will be pleased to discover that Christian’s immortal line of “I’m fifty shades of fucked up!” has been included in the film. Dornan delivers it like an actor who has given up and who can blame him? To her credit, Dakota Johnson manages to keep a straight face.

Here’s the main problem. Christian Grey is a stalker asshole. He’s an obsessive control freak who is basically using the BDSM lifestyle as a way to cover up the fact that he’s a sociopath. Though that was not author E.L. James’s intention when she wrote the book, that’s who Christian Grey ultimately turns out to be. And that’s the way that Jamie Dornan plays the character. It’s not that Dornan is a bad actor. Just watch him in The Fall and you’ll see that Dornan is capable of giving a very good performance. Instead, you just get the feeling that he looked at the 50 Shades script, saw that Christian was an impossible character to play sympathetically, and decided to give the most literal performance possible. When you were reading the book, you could always imagine some redeeming features for Christian. But, when you watch the movie, you’re forced to accept this very literal interpretation of the character and it quickly becomes apparent that the only reason why anyone would possible love Christian is because he’s rich.

Meanwhile, in the role of Ana, Dakota Johnson actually does a pretty good job. Fortunately, the film jettisons Ana’s narration and we don’t have to hear any details about what her inner goddess is doing while being ordered around by Christian. As a result, Johnson’s interpretation of Ana is far different from how the character was portrayed in the book. Whereas the book’s Ana seems to be desperate to be loved by Christian, Johnson’s Ana often seems to be struggling to keep a straight face. Whereas the book’s Ana took the whole contract thing very seriously, Johnson’s Ana always seems to be on the verge of rolling her eyes. It gives the film an interesting subtext in that you never quite believe that Johnson’s Ana could be as intrigued by Christian Grey as both the book and the film insist that she is. Instead, she mostly seems to put up with him and his kinks because he buys her expensive gifts.

And, since Christian is such a jerk, you really don’t mind the possibility that Ana’s main motivation might be materialistic.

(Another great thing about Dakota Johnson is that she seems to be sincerely embarrassed whenever she has to tell anyone that her name is “Anastasia Steele.”)

Finally, a word about Sam Taylor-Johnson. On the basis of Nowhere Boy, she’s a talented director and, as far as 50 Shades of Grey goes, I think she does the best that she could possibly do. At the very least, she seems to realize that the film is a bit ludicrous and she wisely plays some of the book’s worst moments for subversive laughter. Considering that 50 Shades of Grey is one of the worst books ever written (and, by that, I mean that the book’s prose is so clunky and overdone that it’s damn near unreadable), Sam Taylor-Johnson probably does deserve some credit for making a movie that’s only below average as opposed to disastrous. At the very least, I hope that 50 Shades of Grey will not damage her career in the way that Twilight damaged the equally talented Catherine Hardwicke’s.

I forced my boyfriend to see it with my on Valentine’s and there were a lot of couples in the theater. But, for all the talk of how 50 Shades of Grey launched a thousand fantasies, it’s not a particularly erotic film. The sex scenes are well shot but, since Jamie and Dakota have no chemistry, they also feel very clinical and detached. (Add to that, for a film that’s being identified as being a chick flick, the camera spent a lot more time lingering on Dakota’s naked body than on Jamie’s.) All the sex that followed couples viewing 50 Shades on Saturday night had more to do with the romance of Valentine’s Day and the glory of being in love than with the film itself.

(That, of course, is one of the huge differences between 50 Shades of Grey and Magic Mike.)

50 Shades of Grey apparently made a lot of money this weekend and, if you’re reading this review, chances are that you’ve already seen the film. So, I’ll just conclude by saying that the film is not as bad as most people were expecting. It’s just not particularly any good either. I’ll be looking forward to seeing what Dakota and Sam Taylor-Johnson do in the future but Christian Grey can just stay in his red room for all I care.

(And now that you’ve read the review, why not have some real fun and check out the Fifty Shades of Grey text generator!? Click on refresh a few times and you’ll have an erotic best seller of your own, ready to be published and to make you rich!)

Trailer: American Sniper (2nd Official)

Posted on December 18, 2014 by Arleigh

Talking to empty chairs aside, Clint Eastwood still goes down as one of the greatest living American filmmakers. This doesn’t dismiss the current slump he has been in the past couple years (Jersey Boys, Hereafter, J. Edgar just to name a few). This 2014 holiday season he’s set to release his latest film: American Sniper.

The film is an adaptation of the best-selling autobiography of the same name by former Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle. Steven Spielberg was initially attached to direct the film, but bowed soon after. In comes Clint Eastwood to take up the director’s chair with Bradley Cooper starring as Chris Kyle (also producer on the film).

The film has already made it’s premiere at the AFI Fest with a limited release on Christmas Day 2014.

American Sniper will have a general release date of January 16, 2015.

Trailer: American Sniper (Official)

Posted on October 2, 2014 by Arleigh

Warner Bros. Pictures makes it a triple-bill with the latest in a series of trailers for some of their upcoming films.

The latest to arrive is Clint Eastwood’s latest film. Eastwood adapts the Chris Kyle autobiography, American Sniper, of which Steven Spielberg was originally attached to direct until dropping out in the summer of 2013. Eastwood was announced a week later as taking on directing duties on one of the more sought after properties of the last couple years.

Bradley Cooper will star in as Chris Kyle with Sienna Miller in the role of Chris’ wife, Taya Renae Kyle.

American Sniper is set for a limited release on December 25, 2014 and going wide on January 20, 2015.

Review: True Blood 6.10 “Radioactive”

Posted on August 18, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Eric better not be dead!

A lot happened on tonight’s sixth season finale of True Blood. Along with wrapping up Warlow and Billith’s storylines, it also set up what’s presumably going to be season 7’s major storyline. A lot of strange things have happened over the past two seasons of True Blood and tonight’s finale promised both a return to normalcy and a new beginning.

And with all that in mind, my number one reaction to tonight’s finale was this:

ERIC BETTER NOT BE FREAKING DEAD!

Admittedly, when we last saw Eric, things did not look good.

Warlow, having revealed himself to be just as evil as we all knew he was and refusing to allow Sookie to back out of their arranged marriage, was finally killed by Sookie’s grandfather (Rutger Hauer), who, in this best tradition of dues ex machina, managed to pop out of his little prison dimension and drive a stake through Warlow’s heart. Warlow dissolved into red goo and, with the death of Warlow, all of the vampires who had drank his blood lost their ability to walk in the daylight.

The majority of the show’s vampires were safely inside when this happened. However, Eric was sunbathing naked in the Swiss Alps and, as he lost his special Warlow powers, he burst into flames.

A collective cry went up on twitter as thousands of Eric fans (present company included) tweeted out a massive: “NOOOOOOOO! NOT ERIC!”

However, there is hope. The scene cut away from Eric before we actually saw him explode. So, maybe Eric managed to bury himself in the show. Maybe he ran into a nearby cave. Maybe Lillith reached out and saved Eric’s life.

As far as I’m concerned, until I see definite proof of his true death, Eric lives!

Warlow’s demise occurred about halfway through tonight’s finale. At that point, season 6 officially ended. Warlow’s gone. The vampires can no longer walk in the day. Bill, having refused to go off with Lillith’s sirens, is finally starting to act like Bill again. And hopefully, Eric’s not dead.

The second half of the episode felt like a preview for season 7. We jumped ahead 6 months into the future and we discover the following:

Sookie is living with Alicide. (You go, girl!)

Sam is now married to annoying Nicole and is mayor of Bon Temps.

Andy is still very protective of his last remaining daughter.

Bill Compton is now a published author. He’s written a book about his experiences as a God. In the book, he writes about ripping the Governor’s head off of his body. He also reveals that Hep V was a creation of the government.

Hep V, meanwhile, has become an epidemic. Although only vampires are killed by it, the virus can live in humans as well. Mayor Sam arranges for a human/vampire mixer so that the citizens of Bon Temps can pair up — one human to a vampire.

And while everyone in town gets acquainted, an army of infected vampires shambles towards the gathering like zombies from a George Romero film…

And that’s how season 6 ends.

So, what did everyone think of season 6? I thought it was one of the better seasons of True Blood and a definite improvement on season 5. That said, I was definitely happy to see Bill acting like Bill again at the end of tonight’s episode.

Hopefully, Season 7 will start with Eric showing up on Bill’s front porch and saying, “The weirdest thing happened in Switzerland…”

Random Thoughts and Observations:

Unofficial scene count: 45
As fun as it was to see all the daywalking vampires happy at the start of tonight’s episode, I’m kinda glad that they lost that power. I’m not sure how many more scenes of vampires playing volleyball I could take.
My first tweet after the end of this episode: “Fuck you, #Newsroom! I’m too concerned about Eric on #TrueBlood to care about some maniacal news anchor!”
Alcide was wearing the word’s worst wig at the start of tonight’s episode.
I had forgotten all about that whiny scientist until he showed back up tonight.
Again, we never saw Eric explode into red goo. That’s the important thing.
“You don’t want a vampire bride! You want a faerie vampire bride!”
I’ve had a lot of fun reviewing True Blood this season. I look forward to doing it again next season. Thanks for reading!

Review: True Blood 6.9 “Life Matters”

Posted on August 11, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When the history of True Blood is eventually written, Life Matters will be remembered as the best episode of season 6 and perhaps as one of the best episodes of the entire series.

For a show that has occasionally been a tad too complicated and a bit too dependent on easy snark as opposed to genuine sentiment, tonight’s episode was both focused and sincerely emotional. If an episode of True Blood could ever make you cry while still making you laugh and occasionally jump, Life Matters is that episode.

Tonight, True Blood was all about death. While the citizens of Bon Temps gathered to say a final goodbye to Terry, the vampires got their revenge on the humans at Vamp Camp. The Rev. Newlin finally met his well-deserved demise at the hands of Eric and the sun while Jason came close to murdering Sarah Newlin before finally relenting.

At the end of last week’s episode, Bill and Sookie were standing over Warlow’s drained body. Well, it turns out that Warlow is not dead. He’s just weakened. After Sookie allows him to feed on her, she leaves for Terry’s funeral while Bill heads to Vamp Camp.

The rest of the episode very skillfully cuts back and forth from the powerful emotion of Terry’s funeral and Bill and Eric’s bloody rampage at Vamp Camp. While those at the funeral speak of the value of celebrating life, Bill, Eric, and the vampires are literally killing every human that they can find. While Andy and Sam talk about (and we see flashbacks of) the first time they ever met Terry, Bill is killing a human scientist by stomping his face in. While Sookie gives her eulogy and also outs herself as being a telepath, Eric is releasing all of the female vampires and announcing, “Go forth and kill all the humans!”

Sarah Newlin, realizing that she’s literally one of only two humans left alive at Vamp Camp, climbs up to the top of the roof of the sun room and turns a wheel that opens up the ceiling. The sun shines down on the vampires below but all of the vampires have now fed on Bill’s blood and are now immune to the sun.

Every vampire except for the Rev. Newlin, of course.

Newlin begs to be allowed to feed on Bill’s blood but none of the other vampires are willing to allow Newlin to get near him. Finally, Eric grabs Newlin by the throat and holds him in place as the sun shines down on him. As Sarah watches from above, her ex-husband starts to burn and then explodes into a mess of red goo. Newlin’s last words are to declare his love for Jason Stackhouse.

As for Jason, he catches Sarah as she tried to flee Vamp Camp and, in a rather uncomfortable scene, holds a gun to Sarah’s face while she begs for her life. Jason finally allows her to escape, saying that he doesn’t want her blood on his hands. As hateful a character as Sarah is, I’m glad that Jason didn’t kill her. Jason may be many things but he’s not a cold-blooded murderer. That’s one reason why we all love him.

Bill, weakened after having been drained, lies on the floor of the sun room and has a vision of Lillith’s sirens approaching him. They tell him that it’s time for him to come with Lillith. Bill says that he’s not ready to go. Fortunately, Jessica and James find him and James feeds him.

Meanwhile, Terry’s funeral ends with Arlene accepting an American flag from the Marine honor guard and Big John singing “Life Matters.” A random old lady wonders why there’s so many black people at Terry’s funeral. That’s just life in Bon Temps.

As the episode ends, Bill and the other vampires are celebrating in the daylight. However, Pam sees Eric standing some distance away. Pam tells Eric that he better not leave her. Eric responds by doing just that, shooting off into the sky and leaving Pam by herself.

Tonight’s episode of True Blood felt almost like a series finale. As I watched it, I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t watching the end of the show or even the end of the season. Instead, I was watching the 9th episode of a 10-episode season. There’s one more episode and at least one more season to go before True Blood concludes.

I just hope that Eric comes back.

Random Observations:

Considering just how marginal his character often seemed to be in the grand scheme of things, I was a bit surprised at how touching Terry’s funeral truly turned out to be.
Still, as a friend of mine pointed out on twitter, dead Terry got more screen time during tonight’s episode than he ever did while he was alive.
If an episode of True Blood ever deserved an Emmy for editing, this is the one.
How is Season 6 going to end? Is there more to the Lillith story or will next week’s episode just be about setting things up for season 7? Your guess is as good as mine.
I’m sure that those of you who got this review in your e-mail might be wondering if I really did accidentally type Big Brother instead of True Blood in my initial draft of this post. Yes, I did. Whoops. I also write a daily blog over at the Big Brother Blog. My mistake was the result of me trying to write reviews of two very different shows at the same time.
“I love you, Jason Stackhouse!”

Review: True Blood 6.8 “Dead Meat”

Posted on August 4, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If nothing else, this episode will always be remembered for confirming what all of us ladies already knew. High heels are murder!

Seriously, if you had any doubts about whether or not Sarah Newlin (played, with manic glee, by Anna Camp) truly was batshit crazy, all you had to do was watch tonight’s episode.

First off, she’s refusing to tell anyone that Gov. Burrell is dead and it wouldn’t surprise me if she’s got his severed head in the trunk of her car.

Secondly, when Mrs. Suzuki came by Vamp Camp to check out what was going on with the Tru Blood production, Sarah ended up chasing her through the prison. Now, I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that it is next to impossible to successfully run away from a crazed maniac while wearing high heels. That still doesn’t stop Mrs. Suzuki from trying but, once she ends up tripping on a steel grating, Sarah proceeds to beat her to death with one of her own high heels. Underneath the grating, a grateful group of male vampires feast on Suzuki’s blood. “Thank you, Jesus!” an orgasmic Sarah proclaims.

This macabre chase scene — coming towards the end of tonight’s episode — perfectly sums up season 6 of True Blood. It was over the top, silly, melodramatic, vaguely sordid, and yet definitely effective.

Mrs. Suzuki was murdered to prevent her from telling the FDA about Sarah’s plan to give all the vampires Tru Blood that’s been spiked with Hep V. The first batch of infected Tru Blood was given to the prisoners during tonight’s episode. James, the hot new vampire who Jessica is now in love with, warned the Rev. Newlin not to drink the infected blood. This led to Sarah demanding to know why Newlin was refusing to drink the blood. Since Newlin is a weasel, he quickly revealed the names of every vampire who knows the truth about the new Tru Blood.

As a result, Newlin, James, Pam, Tara, Willa, and Jessica all found themselves in that white death chamber that Bill keeps seeing in his visions of the future. As Jessica quickly figures out, this is where they’re going to stay until the sun rises, the ceiling opens up, and they’re all burned to death.

Bill, however, has a plan. As he tells Sookie, he wants to allow all the vampires at Vamp Camp to drink Warlow’s blood so that they can be immune to the sunlight. Warlow tells Sookie that he’ll only do it if Sookie agrees to be “his.” So, once again, the future of the vampires pretty much depends upon Sookie surrendering any shred of independence from the whims and needs of the men in her life.

So, as must happen at least once during every season of True Blood, Sookie prepared to sacrifice herself. She took Bill to the faerie dimension so that she could give herself over to Warlow and then Warlow could give himself over to Bill. However, as soon as she and Bill arrived, they discovered that Eric had gotten there first and had already drained Warlow.

And that, quite simply, is why I love Eric. While everyone else talks and broods, Eric gets stuff done.

Finally, in case you were wondering how long it would take Sam to get over Luna, the answer is eight episodes. Sam returned to Bon Temps for Terry’s funeral and, upon arrival, he discovered that Alcide had rescued Nicole from the werewolves (and, in the process, had surrendered the title of pack leader to Rikki). Sam discovered that Nicole’s pregnant and, within a few scenes, the two of them were declaring their love for each other. Nicole is a boring character and werewolf politics tend to put me to sleep unless they involve Alcide getting naked. Since Alcide kept his clothes on tonight, I have to admit that I pretty much zoned during the majority of the Sam/Nicole/Alcide scenes.

But no matter! Between Sookie preparing (yet again) to sacrifice herself and Sarah getting crazier by the minute, tonight’s episode was a lot of fun. I assume that Eric is now heading towards the Vamp Camp and I can’t wait to see what happens once he arrives.

Random Thoughts and Observations:

Tonight’s unofficial scene count: 48
I always enjoy it when Bill and Eric get to argue. Alexander Skarsgard and Stephen Moyer really throw themselves into those scenes.
Nora may be dead by Lucy Griffiths — much like Arliss Howard and Todd Lowe — is still listed in the opening credits.
Rev. Newlin seemed to have a thing for people who have had sex with Jessica.
I was a little surprised that Alcide didn’t know who Terry was.
I’m proud to say that, in last week’s review, I totally guessed Bill’s plan for Warlow’s blood.
“Mother, I can fly!”
“The only way he’ll agree to help you is if I agree to become his faerie vampire bride! So there!”
“How about that, you motherfucking monster!?”
“I’m trying to decide if I’ll be more uncomfortable in here or out there!”
“Sarah Newlin!?” “Don’t tell me you’re a fan!”

Review: True Blood 6.7 “In The Evening”

Posted on July 28, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Poor Eric!

Going into tonight’s episode of True Blood, I knew that another major character was expected to die but I was really hoping that it wouldn’t be Nora. Not only did I feel that the character (and Lucy Griffiths) has never quite been used to her potential (not an uncommon occurrence on a show that has a huge ensemble, like True Blood) but it also seems like Eric is always losing the vampires who are most important to him.

However, I also knew that, story-wise, Nora had to die if just so we could understand how dangerous Hep-V truly is.

And so, after bringing Nora to Bill’s mansion and even going so far as to pray for her recovery, Eric ended up holding Nora while she literally melted in his arms. Adding to the pathos of the situation, we were treated to a flashback to 1666 where we saw how Eric originally turned Nora into a vampire in order to save her from falling victim to the Great Plague.

It was a highly effective moment in an otherwise average episode of True Blood. If the show often struggled to figure out what exactly to do with Nora, it at least allowed her to make a powerful exit.

Tonight’s episode was all about death. While Eric watched Nora die, the rest of Bon Temps struggled to deal with the demise of Terry. Sookie abandoned the post-coital bliss of Warlow so that she could comfort the grief-stricken (and quite drunk) Arlene.

Sookie’s return allowed Bill to track her down and, in a wonderfully tense scene that was very well-acted by real-life husband and wife Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, Bill told Sookie that if she doesn’t lead Bill to Warlow than all the other vampires will die. I imagine that Bill’s plan is for all the other vampires to drink Warlow’s blood. Once they, like Bill, are immune to the sunlight, the LAVDF will no longer be able to burn all the vampires to death.

Back at Vamp Camp, Jessica, Pam, and WIlla are aware that the new tru blood is tainted with Hep-V but, as Pam explained, they can’t say anything because, if all the vampires refuse to drink the tru blood, then the authorities will know that the secret is out. That said, Jessica still asked Jason to arrange a meeting between her and the surprisingly sensitive vampire James (Jake Grimes). Jessica informed James about the tainted tru blood and then proceeded to lose her vampire virginity to him. And good for her because James is seriously superhot!

Meanwhile, Sarah Newlin discovered the massacre at the Governor’s mansion and, after kissing the Governor’s severed head, she took command of his plan to destroy all of the vampires. She returned to the Vamp Camp where she tracked down Jason, cut his wrist, and then tossed him into a cell full of female vampires. Tara jumped up to defend him but then, a vampire named Violet announced that Jason was hers.

FInally, Sam found out about Terry’s death and is now planning on returning to Bon Temps, despite the fact that he promised Alcide that he wouldn’t. Alcide, it turns out, lied to the rest of the pack and told them that he had killed both Sam and Nicole. As tonight’s episode ended, Alcide discovered that Nicole and her mother had been captured by the pack and his lie had been exposed…

(Seriously, I can understand why Alcide didn’t want to be packmaster. The werewolves are way too much drama!)

As I said, this was an average episode of True Blood. It featured a few memorable moments (Nora’s death, Arlene getting drunk, and the James/Jessica sex scene) but, for the most part, it felt like the main purpose of this episode was to set things up for the season finale. There’s only 3 more episodes left before the end of season 6 and there are rumors that at least one more major character might be leaving before the end of the season.

Here’s hoping it’s not Eric!

Random Thoughts and Observations:

Tonight’s unofficial scene count: 49
I noticed that Todd Lowe is still listed in the opening credits. Was Arliss Howard listed as well?
Willa really does look a lot like Nora. It’s a bit distracting.
In my notes, I wrote: “Ewwwwwww!” when Sarah Newlin kissed the Governor’s head.
The attempts to provide therapy for the vampires are a pretty obvious comment on the whole “ex-gay” movement.
Alexander Skarsgard made me cry tonight.
During tonight’s show, I tweeted the following: “When Sheriff Andy is the voice of reason, you know bad things are going to happen in Bon Temps. #TrueBlood” As of this writing, it’s been retweeted 77 times and favorited by 52 people. That’s a personal best for me so yay!
“How deep do you want to go?”