Lisa’s Picks For The 10 Worst Films of 2018


 

Well, I guess it’s finally that time!

It’s time for me to finally post my picks for the best (and worst) of 2018.  This is something that I do every year.  Usually, I manage to do it before the third week of January but I’ve been running behind.  I’ll be posting my film, television, book, and music picks throughout today and maybe into tomorrow, depending on how long it takes me to narrow down my choices.

Let’s start with my picks for the 10 worst films of 2018!  Now, I have to admit that 2018 was not really a big year for bad films.  It wasn’t really a big year for good films, either.  2018 was just kind of a middle-of-the-road year altogether.  Below are my picks for the worst.  Some of you will agree and some will disagree.  In the end, what truly matters is that I’m right.

(Also be sure to check out my picks for 20172016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, and 2010!)

10. Holmes & Wason

9. Fifty Shades Freed

8. Pacific Rim: Uprising

7. Vice — I’m fully aware that this film is being hailed by some as the best of the year.  I found it to be painfully smug and overlong.  It was like watching The Big Short have roid rage.

6. Deep Blue Sea 2

5. 6 Balloons — Drug addicts are so tedious to watch.

4. Red Sparrow — I’m really starting to worry about Jennifer Lawrence.  She’s still a good actress but she seems to spend more time coming up with embarrassing late night talk show anecdotes than actually finding good scripts.

3. Den of Thieves

2. The Happytime Murders — Oh my God, did you know muppets could curse and fuck!?  My mind is blown!

And finally, the worst film of 2018 is ….

1. Life Itself

Life Itself is basically what This Is Us is going to turn into by the time it gets around to its sixth season.

So, those are my picks for the worst films of 2018.  You may agree.  You may disagree.  I love you either way.

Catching Up With The Films of 2018: Fifty Shades Freed (dir by James Foley)


“Mrs. Grey will see you now.”  (Insert your own eye roll GIF here.)

Occasionally, you see a film and, even though you know you should, you just never get around to reviewing it.  For instance, I saw Fifty Shades Freed when it was originally released in February and then I watched it again when it was released on DVD.  Both times, I thought to myself that I should write down my thoughts on the film, if for no other reason than the fact that I previously reviewed both Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker for this site.  And yet, I never did.  To be honest, it was difficult to really think of anything to say about this movie that I hadn’t said about the previous two films.

Fifty Shades Freed opens with Christian (Jamie Dornan) and Ana (Dakota Johnson) getting married and going on their honeymoon.  It’s fun!  It’s sexy!  And it’s kinda creepy because, as always, Christian has control issues and he has to have his security team following them all over the place.  Christian freaks out with Ana removes her top on the beach.  Ana gasps at the sights of handcuffs.  There’s one hot sex scene that will temporarily make you forget about the fact that Jamie Dornan doesn’t seem to be that good of an actor.  It’s everything that you’d expect from a Fifty Shades honeymoon.

Unfortunately, the honeymoon ends way too quickly and then we have to deal with the marriage.  On the plus side, marrying Christian Grey means that you get to live in a really nice house and fly around in a private jet.  On the negative side, Christian is still basically an immature douchebag and, now that’s she rich, Ana has become a lot less likable.

Christian freaks out when he discovers that Ana is still using the name “Ana Steele” in her email address.  Ana explains that she’s Ana Steele at work but then, when she meets an architect named Gia Matteo (Arielle Kebbell), Ana tells her to stop flirting with her husband and announces, “You can call me Mrs. Grey!” with all the intensity of Kelly Kapowski announcing that she’s going to prom with Zach Morris on Saved By The Bell.

The marriage continues to play out like a perfume commercial written by Sartre’s bastard child.  Fortunately, there’s a few more sex scenes that are designed to again remind us that a good body can make up for a lack of everything else.  Unfortunately, Ana gets upset when Christian tries to humiliate her for real and a pouty Christian walks out of a shower as soon as Ana steps into it.  Ana is told that she’s pregnant and Christian totally freaks out because he still has all sorts of things that he wants to do with his money.  Christian’s a douchebag but he’s got a good body and he’s like super rich.  Have I already mentioned that?

Anyway, it turns out that Ana is being stalked by her former boss, Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson).  Fortunately, all of the stalking allows Ana and Christian to rediscover their love for each other.  There’s a kidnapping.  There’s a car chase.  There’s a lot of music and a lot of scenes of Dakota Johnson looking confused and Jamie Dornan looking blank.  It’s a Fifty Shades movie.  What else were you expecting?

The usual argument that critics tend to make with the Fifty Shades trilogy is that the movies are terrible but Dakota Johnson does the best that she can with the material.  Actually, both Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan are pretty lousy in all three of these films but Ana was at least kind of a sympathetic character in the previous two films.  Unfortunately, Fifty Shades Freed sees Ana and Christian becoming a boring married couple and what little chemistry Dornan and Johnson had in the previous films completely vanishes.  As a result, Ana doesn’t seem like someone lucky enough to have fallen in love with a man who just happens to be super wealthy.  Instead, she just comes across like someone who sold her soul for a private jet.

Fifty Shades Freed is the weakest of the trilogy, done in by the fact that there’s really not much of a story to tell.  Ana and Christian get to live blissfully ever after and it’s always good to see happy mannequins.  I saw this movie with my best friend and we talked through the entire movie and I imagine that’s what we’ll do every time we rewatch it.

Here’s The Trailer For Fifty Shades Freed!


Yes, it’s time for this again.

I have to say, though, this trailer amuses the Hell out of me.  It’s almost as if the trailer is trying to be snarky about the film that it’s advertising.  I especially enjoyed the Saved By The Bell-style acting when Ana told the architect to stay away from her man and to call her “Mrs. Grey.”

And then, that ending.

“You’re pregnant, Mrs. Grey.”

Apparently, the doctor got the memo about Ana’s new name.  So, that’s a good thing, I guess.

Anyway, here’s the trailer…

(If you need a refresher on what this is all about, why not check out my reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker?)