TV Review: Twin Peaks 2.18 “On the Wings of Love” (dir by Duwayne Dunham)

Posted on April 27, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Welcome back to Twin Peaks!

This episode opens at the Bookhouse, where lingerie-clad Jones (Brenda Strong) is climbing on top of Harry (Michael Ontkean). Harry, in his whiskey-dazed state, thinks that she is Josie (Joan Chen). He comes to his senses right when Jones wraps a garrote around his neck and starts to strangle him. Harry manages to overpower her, leaving her knocked out cold on the couch.

At the Great Northern, Audrey (Sherilyn Fenn) delivers room service to Wheeler (Billy Zane). I am not sure what to make of Wheeler. I know that he was brought in so that Audrey would have a love interest other than Cooper but, since he’s played by Billy Zane, I don’t trust him.

At the sheriff’s station, Harry tells Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) that he has not been able to get anything out of Jones. She wants to talk to the South African consulate. Harry wonders why Eckhardt would have wanted him dead. “Sexual jealousy,” Cooper replies before saying that it is good to have Harry back.

In the sheriff’s office, Doctor Hayward (Warren Frost), Harry, and Cooper look at a Bonsai tree that was delivered that morning. Harry looks at the card. It was a present from Josie. Before Harry can get too depressed, Hayward tells them about Windom Earle coming back his house and he shows them the knight that Earle gave to Donna.

Gordon Cole (David Lynch) enters the office, yelling as always and making Harry’s headache worse. Cole shouts that he has just come from Bend, Oregon, that he is bringing Cooper the classified portion of Windom Earle’s file and that he is reinstating Cooper in the FBI.

What no one knows is that the Bonsai tree is hiding a microphone and Windom Earle (Kenneth Welsh) is listening to every word that they say. Earle complains to Leo (Eric Da Re) that Cooper is refusing to play fair. Earle has Leo pick three cards. They are all queens — Queen Donna, Queen Audrey, and Queen Shelly. Earle has Leo pick a king card — “Little Dale.” Earle reaches behind Leo’s ear and produces one more card — the Queen of Hearts. The Queen of Hearts will be whoever is named Miss Twin Peaks.

Cole tells Cooper that, in the institution, Earle was put on the same drug that the One-Armed Man used. Cooper notices that Earle was involved with Project Blue Book, just like Major Briggs. Cooper says that there is some definite linkage, which makes Cole think of sausage patties and breakfast.

At the Great Northern, Donna (Lara Flynn Boyle) spies on her mother, Eileen (Mary Jo Deschanel), meeting with Ben Horne (Richard Beymer). Donna goes to the front desk and, as Mike (Gary Hershberger) and Nadine (Wendy Robie) check out, Donna asks to speak with Audrey. When Audrey comes out, Donna asks her if there’s any reason why Donna’s mother would visiting Audrey’s father. Audrey leads Donna to the secret passageway so that they can spy on their respective parents in Ben’s office.

In the office, Eileen tries to get Ben to take a bundle of letters but he refuses, saying that they are her letters. They were written to her. Ben says that he hasn’t held Eileen for nearly 20 years. Ben asks if Eileen has “told her.” Eileen tells Ben to stay away from her and to never come by the house again.

At the diner, Cole, Harry, and Cooper show up for breakfast. While hungover Harry is busy throwing up, Cooper and Cole get a booth. Cole spies Shelly and shouts, “What a beauty!” Cole walks over to the counter and loudly asks Shelly if he might ask her for a cup of coffee “and in the process, engage you with an anecdote of no small amusement.” Shelly says that he doesn’t have to shout and Cole is shocked to discover that he can hear her, even when she is speaking in her normal voice.

Back at the booth, Harry and Cooper are debating cars when Annie (Heather Graham) comes over and pours them both a cup of coffee. Cooper and Annie flirt while Harry Days music plays in the background. Annie notices that Cooper has drawn a picture of the three marks on Major Briggs’s neck and tells him that the same design can be found at Owl Cave. Cooper tells Harry that he has to see this Owl Cave.

At the Hayward house, Donna gets a postcard from James. He says that he is in San Francisco. When Dr. Hayward steps into the room, Donna tells him that Ben visited yesterday. Dr. Hayward tells her that Eileen and Ben are probably just working on a charity together. Suddenly, roses arrive. They are for Eileen. There’s no card.

At the library, Audrey is getting a book on political science and civil disobedience when she runs into pipe-smoking Edward Perkins, who is actually Windom Earle in disguise. Perkins says that he is a professor who teaches a class in poetry so Audrey asks him about the poem that she received. Perkins tells her that it is by Shelley and that Audrey looks like a queen. Realizing that there is something strange about Edward Perkins, Audrey says that she has to go and makes a hasty exit.

At the diner, Annie finds an advertisement for Miss Twin Peaks. Shelly asks her if she is going to enter but Annie says life is already strange enough without wearing high heels and a bathing suit. Annie says that it’s also strange being around men again and asks Shelley what she knows about Cooper. Shelly tells Annie to go for it.

Back at station, Lucy (Kimmy Robertson) thanks Andy (Harry Goaz) for helping out during yesterday’s weasel riot. “That’s more than a certain Dick did,” Lucy says.

At the Great Northern, Ben is talking to Audrey about the Kennedy Brothers. Ben says that he needs Audrey to be his Bobby Kennedy. He needs her to be by his side, always willing to tell him the truth. Ben apologizes for not being a better father and then says that he needs Audrey to go to Seattle to meet with the environmentalists. When Wheeler steps into the office, Audrey says she is not sure that she can leave on short notice but Ben will hear nothing of it.

After Audrey leaves, Ben confesses to Wheeler that he is not really sure how to be good. Ben asks Wheeler, “What’s the secret?” Wheeler tells him to keep his eye on his heart and always tell the truth. Wheeler confesses that he is falling in love with Audrey. He and Ben eat a carrot.

Meanwhile, Johnny Horne (Robert Bauer) is outside, shooting rubber arrows at wooden buffaloes.

That night, at Owl Cave, Cooper, Andy, Harry, and Hawk (Michael Horse) explore. They find the markings on the cave and discover that they are a combination of the markings on the Major’s neck and the Log Lady’s leg.

Thanks to wonders of incredibly primitive CGI, an owl flies around the cave. Andy panics and swings his pickaxe, accidentally embedding it in the symbol. Part of the wall falls away, revealing a stone lever that is decorated with a petroglyph on an owl. Cooper smiles and says he does not know where this is going to lead but he is sure it will be somewhere “both wonderful and strange.”

Annie sits alone in the Great Northern cocktail lounge, when Cooper, fresh from Owl Cave, enters. Annie tells Cooper that it is strange being back in the real world. Cooper notices the scars on her wrist. Annie says that she worries that she might try again. Annie tells Cooper that some people think that she is strange. Cooper says that he knows the feeling.

Back at Owl Cave, Earle sneaks in and sees the lever. He turns it and, as the episode ends, the entire cave starts to shake.

This episode, which played like a cross between Picket Fences and Lost, shows just how much of an identity crisis Twin Peaks suffered during its second season. Is it a comedy? Is it a romance? Is it supernatural? No one seems to know.

The best part of the episode was the trip to the Owl Cave and Ben’s conversation with Audrey. The worst part of the episode? Annie, who spent a few years in a convent but is written like an Amish girl on rumspringa.

Up next: Variations on Relations.

Previous Entries in The TSL’s Look At Twin Peaks:

TV Review: Twin Peaks 2.17 “Wounds and Scars” (dir by James Foley)

Posted on April 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“It was like taking a hike to your favorite spot and finding a hole where the lake used to be.”

— Deputy Hawk (Michael Horse) in Twin Peaks 2.17 “Wounds and Scars”

The year was 1991 and all was not well in the world of Twin Peaks. While, on the show, Leland Palmer murdered his daughter and Josie Packard died after killing Thomas Eckhardt, there was even more drama occurring behind-the-scenes.

Since the first season, the plan had always been for Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) and Audrey Horne (Sherilyn Fenn) to end up together. MacLachlan and Fenn had serious chemistry in their scenes together. As characters, Cooper and Audrey seemed like they belonged together. Even Cooper’s concerns about the age difference didn’t seem like that much of a problem. (After all, Audrey may have been a teenager but Sherilyn Fenn was not.) The show’s audience wanted them to end up together.

However, there was one problem.

Lara Flynn Boyle.

Kyle MacLachlan was dating Lara Flynn Boyle and, according to several people who worked on the show, Fenn and Boyle did not get along. With Boyle not particularly excited about the prospect of watching her boyfriend play love scenes with her rival, Kyle MacLachlan complained to the show’s producers that Cooper would never get together with Audrey because of their age difference. As a result, Billy Zane was hastily brought in to replace Cooper as Audrey’s love interest.

Personally, I’m not really sure that Cooper needed a love interest. During the first season, he was written as being so old-fashioned and upright that he was nearly asexual. (The only indication that Cooper even had a sex drive came when Laura kissed him in his dream and he smiled.) In the second season, Cooper became a little more, for lack of a better word, “human.” But he was still traumatized by the death of Caroline and he put his devotion to the Bureau above all else. Ideally, Cooper would have spent the entire show as a chaste Galahad.

Obviously, ABC disagreed. They wanted Cooper to have a girlfriend. We’ll see how this was handled in today’s episode.

So, without any further ado, let’s look at “Wounds and Scar!”

Following the opening credits, we get an extreme close-up of Harry Truman’s (Michael Ontkean) bloodshot eyes. He’s drinking at the Bookhouse. A saxophone wails on the soundtrack. That’s never a good sign. He’s having flashbacks to his time with the now dead Josie. Deputy Hawk (Michael Horse) brings Harry a breakfast from the diner. Hawk tells Harry that everyone at the station is concerned.

“You and Cooper can handle it,” Harry says, “It’s a pretty simple town.”

Really? Twin Peaks is a simple town? What show have you been watching, Harry?

At the Diner, a new character steps through the front doors and — OH MY GOD! IT’S HEATHER GRAHAM! She’s playing Annie. It turns out that she’s Norma’s (Peggy Lipton) sister and she has just left a convent. Annie is going to be working at the diner. Heather Graham has really pretty hair.

Meanwhile, Major Briggs (Don S. Davis) is finishing his breakfast when the Log Lady (Catherine Coulson) walks up to him and touches the marks on his neck.

Back at the sheriff’s station, Hawk tells Cooper that Harry is about hit bottom. Cooper is frustrated with his lack of success in tracking down Windom Earle. Luckily, Hawk speaks exclusively in wise sayings. He suggests letting the rain fall where it may.

At the cabin (which, somehow, no one else seems to have stumbled across), Windom (Kenneth Welsh) sniffs the country air and tells his slave, Leo (Eric Da Re), that you can’t understand how wonderful country life is until you’ve lived it. It plays like a nice little parody of Cooper and Harry’s conversation about whittling in the pilot.

Windom checks the newspaper and gets upset over Cooper’s latest move. He says that Cooper is playing a stalemate game but he doesn’t know the meaning of stalemate. Neither do I, to be honest. I prefer checkers to chess. Windom then realizes that Cooper must be getting help and he throws a fit because he cannot stand people who don’t play by the rules. “Many people are going to regret this!”

Meanwhile, at the Great Northern, Audrey is demonstrating a proper runway walk while Dick (Ian Buchanan) hits on the models. Mr. Pinkle (David L. Lander) — the same guy who sold Bobby and Shelly the porto-patient device that didn’t really work out that well — shows up to tell Dick about the pine weasel. Mr. Pinkle is carrying a stuffed pine weasel but Dick says that they need a living pine weasel. Showing a stuffed animal at a benefit for an endangered species? That would be totally gauche.

Wheeler (Billy Zane) shows up to talk to Audrey about their dinner. They both try to apologize at the same time. Wheeler asks her to go on a picnic with him. And, hey — Billy Zane is cute and all but the Wheeler/Audrey romance feels totally forced. We all know that Audrey should either be with Cooper or killing ninjas in Hong Kong. Those are really the only two options.

Harry is still drinking at the Bookhouse. Cooper approaches and tells him about Josie’s sordid past. He says that Harry has to understand that Josie was a hardened killer. Harry yells at Cooper to go.

In her office, Catherine (Piper Laurie) looks over the plans for the Ghostwood Estatea when Jones (Brenda Strong) suddenly steps into the office and says that she’s there to expedite the transfer of Thomas and Josie’s bodies to Hong Kong. Jones says she has a gift from Thomas, so Catherine promptly pulls a gun. Calmly, Jones hands over a black box.

At the Hayward house, someone knocks on the door. Donna answer, only to find a friendly old man who claims to be named Dr. Gerald Craig. Dr. Craig says that he is an old friend of her father’s and he was just stopping by to see if old Doc Hayward was around and — wait a minute! That’s not Gerald Craig! That’s Windom Earle in disguise!

Donna asks Dr. Craig if he’d like to come inside and — DONNA, YOU IDIOT! DON’T JUST INVITE STRANGE MEN INTO YOUR HOUSE! In less than a month, a dozen people have died in Twin Peaks and Donna is still letting strange men into her house. Anyway, Dr. Craig gives Donna a small gift for her dad, makes her promise not to open it, and then leaves.

Meanwhile, Pete Martell (Jack Nance) is studying a dozen or so chess boards. Cooper comes in and Pete tells him that he’s studied every stalemate game in history but that there’s no way to play chess without losing at least a few pieces. No matter what happens, Pete says, at least six people are going to die. Cooper tells Pete to stick with it.

In the lobby, Lucy (Kimmy Robertson) and Andy (Harry Goaz) play chess. Lucy gets mad because Andy moved his knight “without doing the little hook thing.” “You don’t have to the little hook thing, that’s optional,” Andy says. Sound good to me, Andy! But, no, Pete explains that the hook thing is not optional.

Suddenly, Maj. Briggs and the Log Lady both step into the station. They’re concerned because both of them have the same three triangle pattern, Briggs on his neck and the Log Lady on the back of her leg. The Log Lady says that she got her mark when she was seven years old. She was walking in the woods when she saw a flash of light and heard an owl. When she returned home, she was told that she had been missing for a day.

Audrey and Wheeler are at their picnic. Wheeler is singing. C’mon, Audrey, are you actually falling for this? Go see Cooper before he meets Annie…

At the Hayward House, Doc Hayward (Warren Frost) returns home with Mrs. Hayward (Mary Jo Deschanel) rolling along beside him. Donna tells them that Gerald Craig visited. Doc Hayward says that’s not possible. Gerald Craig was Doc’s roommmate. He drowned after a rafting accident. (So? Drowning never stopped Andrew Packard.) Mrs. Hayward calls the contact number that Dr. Craig left and it turns out to be the number of a cemetery. Doc Hayward unwraps Dr. Craig’s gift and it’s a chess piece!

At the gas station, Ed (Everett McGill) tries to talk to Nadine (Wendy Robie) about breaking up. Unfortunately, Ed needs a divorce but Nadine still thinks they’re in high school. Dr. Jacoby (Russ Tamblyn) is there to try to help her understand what’s happening but he’s not much help. Nadine is more concerned about the fact that she just now noticed that she’s missing an eye.

Back at the Hayward House, someone else knocks on the door. This time, Mrs. Hayward answers and it’s Ben Horne (Richard Beymer). As Donna watches from the stairs, Ben whispers something in her mother’s ear and then kisses her.

At the diner, Peggy encourages Shelly (Madchen Amick) to enter the Miss Twin Peaks pageant. Meanwhile, Cooper has entered the diner and seen Annie and he’s immediately so overwhelmed by her attraction to him that he actually stammers. No, Cooper — AUDREY!

Before Cooper can fall any further in love, Hawk enters and tells him that they have a problem at the Bookhouse. Harry is destroying all of the furniture! When Cooper shows up, Harry calls him Deputy Dale and yells at him some more. This is the most emotion we’ve seen from Harry since the series began.

Uh-oh, Harry’s holding a gun and he doesn’t want to give it to Cooper. However, Harry eventually breaks down, shouts that Josie didn’t have to die, and then falls into Cooper’s arms. Cooper and Hawk put Harry to bed. Hawk says that Harry has never been like this before.

At the Great Northern, Mike (Gary Hershberger) and Nadine are getting a room under the name “Mr. and Mrs. Hinkman.” Seriously, the Great Northern looks way too expensive for just a one night stay. They should have gone to the motel and gotten an hourly room. Knowing Mike, they probably would have only needed it for 8 minutes or so.

In the ballroom, Ben Horne is thanking everyone for showing up at this charity fashion show. This is one of those plotlines that you’d never see today. Nobody has the guts to make fun of rich (and fake) environmentalists anymore. It’s a shame.

Anyway, the fashion show starts and there’s Dick describing each outfit. (I really love Ian Buchanan’s performance in this episode. He makes Dick into such a likable phony.) Lucy and Andy are two of the models. Good for them!

While the model walk the runway, Catherine approaches Ben and tells him that she knows he’s a just faking all of his environmental concern. Ben says that the experience of being accused of Laura’s murder and his subsequent bout with insanity have truly changed him.

Dick has Mr. Pinkle bring out a living pine weasel. Pinkle explains that the pine weasel is attracted to certain sells, like very cheap cologne. Of course, this immediately leads to the pine weasel leaping at Dick and biting down on his nose. Panic breaks out! Audrey nearly gets run over but luckily, Wheeler is there to literally sweep her off her feet and kiss her.

Meanwhile, at the Bookhouse, one deputy looks over the sleeping Harry. Jones sneaks up behind him and quickly knocks him unconscious. She places a gun on the nightstand beside Harry’s bed. She then undresses, lets down her hair, and lay down beside him…

End credits.

Overall, this was a pretty good episode except for the fact that we all know that Cooper and Audrey belong together. While I can understand Audrey’s flirtation with Wheeler, Cooper’s sudden attraction to Annie felt a bit out of character, a case of Twin Peaks trying a bit too hard.

Some would probably argue that the bit with the Pine Weasel was a bit overboard as well but I actually enjoyed that. Ian Buchanan’s performance saved that bit for me. Plus, wealthy environmentalists tend to be kind of smug so it’s always fun to see them satirized.

Up until this episode, I’ve had mixed feeling about Windom Earle but his scene with Donna was brilliantly creepy.

Tomorrow, we have “On the Wings of Love.”

Previous Entries in The TSL’s Look At Twin Peaks:

TV Review: Twin Peaks 2.16 “The Condemned Woman” (dir by Lesli Linka Glatter)

Posted on April 25, 2017 by Leonard Wilson

twin-peaks-sign

My apologies for the delay on this everyone.

“The Condemned Woman” refers to Josie Packard (Joan Chen), who has just about the worst day of her life in her episode.

It all begins with the items left by Windom Earle on Sheriff Truman’s (Michael Ontkean) desk. After listening to the tape recording, Truman notes that he’s not going to let Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) out of his sight. Cooper lets Truman know that if Windom really wanted him dead, it would have happened already. Looking over the chess board, they give a call to Lucy, to have Pete Martell (Jack Nance) come by the sheriff’s office as soon as they can. When he’s done with the phone, he finds Cooper gazing longingly at the face mask on the table.

“She was the love of my life, Harry.” Cooper says, speaking of Caroline Earle (Brenda Mathers).

We find Pete on the phone with Lucy, letting her know that he’ll be right over to the precinct as soon as he can. He then serves breakfast to Catherine Martell (Piper Laurie) and Andrew Packard (Dan O’Herlihy), who is surprised any the arrangement of his breakfast into a face. As the two have a good chuckle, Catherine interrupts by asking Pete to get the salt and paper. Pete does so, wishes them well, and then heads out. Over breakfast, Catherine asks about Ghostwood. Andrew informs her that everything’s set and she should be leaving for Paris the next day.

The door opens and Josie walks in, so shocked to find Andrew alive that she passes out on the floor. Not a good start for Josie in this episode.

In Truman’s office, Hawk (Michael Horse) brings in Hank (Chris Mulkey) who is arrested for the attempted murder of Leo Johnson (Eric Da Re). Hank says he’s not there, but Truman mentions he has a witness saying he’s there. Hank offers to be a witness regarding the murder for Andrew Packard, and points the finger at Josie. This causes Hawk to react and kick the crutches out from under Hank, making him collapse on the table before taking him out of the room. Truman has a moment of brief anger after Hank is escorted out.

In an adjacent office, Al Rosenfield (Miguel Ferrer) lays it all out. The bullets from a recently deceased individual match the ones pulled from Cooper’s torso, all leading to Josie Packard. Cooper asks Rosenfeld to hold off, as he’s going to speak with Josie and ask her to turn herself in.

Back at the Great Northern, Audrey (Sherilyn Fenn) receives an envelope before taking over the Concierge desk as part of her training. A young man (Billy Zane, Titanic), approaches the desk and asks to have his luggage brought in. He recognizes her and mentions he has a photo of her in a dress and pigtails, with fond memories. He remembers her playing as Heidi. She recalls the memory as well, though she was 10 at the time. Why is he holding on to that picture? Before she can say anything about it, he’s already left the table and is moving on. Going back to the envelope, she finds the right side of a torn paper with parts of messages. It contains words such as:

High heaven…

One another;

Be forgiven

Brother;

The earth

Kiss the sea:

Work worth

Me?

It also contains a message to meet at the Roadhouse at 9:30. Strange stuff, indeed.

We’re at Ed (Everett McGill) and Nadine’s (Wendy Robie). He’s fixed the damage to the shelves when Nadine arrives to inform him that she and Mike are in love. They had a wonderful time at their wrestling trip. At first, Ed is a little upset, but she reminds him that he and Norma (Peggy Lipton) are together, so why not? Nadine informs Ed it’s time to break up.

In the next scene, Cooper and Josie are talking about what they found. He tells her she has to come by the Precinct later today or he’s going to come hunting for her. When he leaves, Catherine (who’s been listening in the entire time) comes in and asks what’s wrong, pointing out all of the ways that Josie’s in trouble. Between Eckhardt coming after her and the police, she’s in a corner. It’s Piper Laurie playing the wicked role to a “T”, and she’s great in this scene. In the book-case, Catherine takes a pair of keys, leaving behind the Walter PPK, which Josie cradles. She may need that later on.

We’re at the Great Northern, and Ben Horne (Richard Beymer) is in wonderful spirits after his recovery tied to the Civil War re-enactment Dr. Jacoby helped with. Bobby Briggs (Dana Ashbrook), Audrey and Jerry (David Patrick Kelly) are on hand. As they talk the young man Audrey met earlier enters the office and is introduced as John Justice Wheeler.

The Horne’s (with a Brigg) gather for a meeting.

At the sit down, Ben explains that Horne Industries is in a bad way. The lands once owned by them are now owned by the Martells. His plan includes a Pine Weasel, indigenous to Twin Peaks, but almost extinct. They plan to fight the Ghostwood Development with this, and if that works out, perhaps he’ll run for the Senate. If that storyline works out, it would be interesting if it’s referenced in the Revival next month. I’ll admit that I like this version of Ben Horne. He’s less of a weasel (for want of a better word) than what he was up until now.

At the RR Cafe, a man pays his tab and leaves. On the table where he sat is an envelope for Shelly (Madchen Amick). Norma is on the phone with her sister, and explains to Shelly that her sister Annie will be visiting her from a local convent. They both discover the envelope and Shelly opens it, revealing another part of the letter that was given to Audrey earlier. Shelly’s has the following:

Waves clasp…

Flower wo…

Ordained it’s….

Sunlight…

The moon beams…

A long lost love, found at last.

Along with this is the same notification to meet at the Roadhouse at 9:30. As they think about it, Ed comes into the cafe with a deeply focused look. He walks right up to Norma and tells her that he’s loved her for years and this is their time now. Ed gives Norma a sweet embrace, a sweeter kiss, and Shelly leaves them be with a smile. Nice one, Ed.

We’re outside somewhere, and Leo (Eric Da Re) is whittling a piece of wood into Arrows, though he doesn’t speak. The man we saw at the diner (Kenneth Welsh) talks to Leo while examining some arrowheads. They have something planned for Twin Peaks, though what that is, we’re not sure.

In prison, Norma visits Hank, who’s still bruised from getting beat up by Nadine.. Hank asks her to vouch for her to help get out, but she’s not having any of it. She’s leaving him, and that’s that. He tells her to give him an alibi and he’ll give her a divorce. She still won’t cave in, and to this, Hank calls her a whore.

Norma’s response made me laugh, given that Billy Zane is also in this episode. She uses a line that James Cameron would also use later on in his film Titanic (said to Billy Zane’s Character):

“I’d rather be his whore than your wife.”

That makes me wonder if Cameron was a fan of Twin Peaks. Anyway, Norma leaves a screaming Hank behind, heading off to her new life with Ed.

We’re at the conference room in the precinct, with Pete, Truman and Cooper mulling over a Chess board. Pete, after much deliberation, makes a move and states that it will take Windom Earle some time to counter that one in a way that would remove a chess piece and lead to another killing.

In walks Rosenfield, with some more news on the forensics report. He steps out into the hallway with Cooper, explaining that they matched the gunpowder on Josie’s gloves with the bullets from before, and they have a witness who saw her leave the location of the recently deceased. Though Cooper states he handles it, an upset Truman steps into the hall, staring at both men.

He knows. Truman leaves, heading for Josie’s.

We find Josie working on her makeup when Andrew walks into the room and offers her a drink. As they sit down and talk, it’s revealed that Andrew truly loved Josie very much, but the same couldn’t be said of Josie. When she asks for him to help her, Andrew tells her what Catherine said earlier, that she should speak with Eckhardt. On the way out, she calls to him. He tells her “We won’t speak again.”

This would have been a perfect time for Dan O’Herlihy to almost close the door, stop in reflection and then say to Josie “Oh, and Happy Halloween.” before leaving.

James (James Marshall) and Donna (Lara Flynn Boyle) are reunited after the escape from Evelyn’s. They’re at a picnic, and Donna wishes James well, though he has to leave Twin Peaks. They have a brief kiss and it’s a nice goodbye for James if he’s actually leaving.

Truman arrives at the Martell’s, looking for Josie. Pete and Catherine tell him that she’s off to the Great Northern, after everything that’s gone on with Eckhardt. Truman rushes off to find her.

The next scene is a great one between two veteran actors. Thomas Eckhardt (David Warner, Tron, The Omen, Time Bandits, Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze) and Andrew Packard, have a small talk in the elevator after revealing that Andrew is alive and well. The conversation is about Josie, making her sound like some sort of concubine. Andrew goes on to say that Josie loses her heart often, as she’s caught up with Sheriff Truman. Eckhardt mentions he’s taken care of that. But how, we’re left to wonder. Andrew warns Eckhardt that Josie is going to come back to him, and that’s a dangerous thing. He doesn’t get off of the elevator with Eckhardt, as he’s still considered dead to many.

Before Eckhardt leaves, Andrew calls out to him from the elevator, causing both men to pause.

“Happy Halloween.” I say, smiling, hoping O’Herlihy will say the same.

“Bye!!!” he simply says. Dammit.

Though it has nothing to do with the episode, I’d have loved to have heard Dan O’Herlihy say this.

In the main lounge of the Great Northern, Audrey, Ben and John Justice Wheeler are seated at a table. Ben asks John to be his teacher, as he’ll be the open book “upon whose virgin pages you shall scribe.” This causes Audrey to choke a little, given what she’s seen of her father. The new Ben is environmentally aware, lighting up a cigar and then putting it out at the realization. Before they can go into great detail, Ben is called away. This gives John (wishing to be called Jack) and Audrey some time to themselves. She’s a little defensive when it comes to Horne Industries and his help. Audrey asks him what he did, when he wasn’t saving the world. He states he was traveling all around, but that it’s good to be home, looking at her with a lifted brow.

“I’m only 18.” She responds with a swallow in her throat. Both Jack and I have the same reaction to this. “What does that have to do with the price of eggs?” He wasn’t coming on to her (at least, I didn’t take what was being said as such). Audrey recalls the envelope meeting and tells Jack she has to go, but that she’d be seeing him again.

I hope so, too. They seem like they’d make an interesting couple, if she can’t be with Cooper.

Someone’s leaving the women of Twin Peaks a love note, but who? And Why?

Donna finds Shelly at the bar. They make their greetings and Shelly asks Donna why she’s there. She mentions she received an envelope with part of a letter, which she lays down on the bar top. Shelly notices her letter and produces hers, laying it side by side. Audrey then appears and produces her own now. They’re able to read the complete letter:

“See the mountains kiss high heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth
And the moonbeams kiss the sea:
What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?”

It’s from Percy Bysshe Shelley, “Love’s Philosophy”, but none of the girls get the reason behind why it was sent. At the end of the bar, the man who was talking with Leo earlier watches them….watches them close.

Cooper gets a phone call in his room while learning how to Fly Fish. It’s cute how well he’s adjusting to Twin Peaks life. It’s Catherine, from the way the call sounds. Cooper says he’s going to come back there to retrieve Josie, but he’s told that Josie’s there at the Great Northern, in Thomas Eckhardt’s suite.

Cooper hangs up and grabs his gun. It’s go time.

As he walks through the hallway, he hears screaming, followed by a gunshot. Cooper bursts into the room, his gun drawn. Two figures can be seen laying in bed. One rises, revealing himself as Thomas Eckhardt, a gunshot wound in his torso. Eckhardt chuckles softly, takes a few steps and then drops to the floor, dead.

Josie is kneeled on the bed, her pistol trained on Cooper. When asked why she shot Cooper, Josie admits it was because he came to Twin Peaks and it would come to this day. Harry Truman enters the room. She then turns the pistol on him. She asks Harry to forgive him, and that she never meant to hurt him. Josie has something similar to a seizure and collapses on the bed, where Truman rushes to her aid.

It’s too late. Josie Packard, murderer of Thomas Eckhardt, shooter of Agent Cooper, and Truman’s love, loses her life. A bad day indeed.

Now here is where things get weird than they normally do on Twin Peaks. A bright light envelops the bed, and Cooper stares as BOB appears, asking “Coop!! What happened to Josie!?” in a roar. His figure is replaced by the Man From Another Place (Michael Anderson), who dances on the bed.

The light fades. Cooper’s left to wonder what he’s seen. The camera tilts to a nearby dresser, where we can see Josie or (Josie’s Soul) screaming, her face pushing through the woodwork of a dresser knob. Could the Great Northern be the Black Lodge Hawk was talking about? Why is Cooper seeing BOB after they got rid of him through Leland Palmer?

Josie Packard, meeting her fate.

Goodness, this show is so strange. It’s a better one than it deserves to be, and happily closes some of the loops, tightening up the story. No more James, No more Josie. Hopefully, the last six episodes made for a sharper tale.

Previous Entries in The TSL’s Look At Twin Peaks:

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #16: Zoolander 2 (dir by Ben Stiller)

Posted on November 28, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by Wednesday, November 30th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

On October 14th, I recorded Zoolander 2 off of Epix.

A sequel to the 2001 cult hit, Zoolander 2 came out earlier this year and got absolutely terrible reviews and quickly vanished from theaters. Watching the film last night, I could understand why it got such terrible reviews. Zoolander 2 is not only a terrible movie but it’s also a rather bland one. Somehow, the blandness is even more offensive than the badness.

Zoolander 2 opens with Justin Bieber getting assassinated and Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) being forced to come out of retirement and discover why pop stars are being targeted. And, of course, Zoolander can’t do it without the help of Hansel (Owen Wilson)! Penelope Cruz is in the film as well, playing Zoolander’s handler and essentially being wasted in a role that could have been played by anyone.

Oh! And Will Ferrell returns as well. Ferrell gives a performance that essentially shouts out to the world, “Fuck you, I’m Will Ferrell and no one is going to tell Will Ferrell to tone his shit down!”

Actually, I think everyone in the world is in Zoolander 2. This is one of those films that is full of cameos from people who probably thought a silly comedy would be good for their image. For instance, there’s a huge number of journalists who show up playing themselves. Matt Lauer shows up and I get the feeling that we’re supposed to be happy about that. There was a reason why people cheered when the sharks ate him in Sharknado 3.

You know who else shows up as himself? Billy Zane! And Billy Zane has exactly the right type of attitude for a film like this. He shows up and he mocks the whole enterprise by giving the Billy Zaniest performance of Billy Zane’s career. For that matter, Kiefer Sutherland also shows up as himself. I’m not really sure what Kiefer was doing in the film but he makes sure to deliver all of his lines in that sexy growl of his. Kiefer knows what we want to hear.

You may notice that I’m not talking about the plot of Zoolander 2. That’s largely because I couldn’t follow the plot. This is an incredibly complicated film but it’s not complicated in a funny way. Instead, it’s complicated in a way that suggests that the film was made up on the spot. It’s as if the cast said, “We’re all funny! Just turn on the camera and we’ll make it work!”

The problem with Zoolander 2 is obvious. The first film pretty much exhausted the comic possibilities of making a spy film about shallow and stupid models. Don’t get me wrong — the first film did a good job but it’s not like it left any material untapped. But I would ask you to indulge me as I imagine an alternate reality.

Consider this: Terrence Malick was reportedly a huge fun of Zoolander.

Let’s take just a minute to imagine a world in which Ben Stiller asked Terrence Malick to write and direct Zoolander 2. And let’s say, just for the sake of argument, that Malick agreed!

Just think about it — 4 hours of Zoolander and Hansel staring up at the sky and thinking about nature. “What is this thing that causes the heart of man to beat?” Zoolander asks. “Are we nature or has nature become us?” Hansel replies.

That would have been a fun film!

Horror on TV: Tales From the Crypt 5.8 “Well-Cooked Hams” (dir by Elliot Silverstein)

Posted on October 18, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s excursion into televised horror is the 8th episode of the 5th season of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt!

In Well Cooked Hams, Billy Zane is a magician who murders an older magician (Martin Sheen) and steals that magician’s prized prop! Zane quickly learns that it’s called a Box of Death for a reason. Zane has a lot of fun being sleazy and Sheen’s over the top Russian accent simply has to be heard!

Thus episode originally aired on November 3rd, 1993!

Back to School Part II #21: Brotherhood of Justice (dir by Charles Braverman)

Posted on September 5, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For my next back to school review, I want to take a look at one of the best films that you’ve probably never heard of, the 1986 made-for-TV film Brotherhood Justice!

Brotherhood of Justice takes place at a California high school. It’s a school that is pretty much ruled by the football team and the divide between the children of the upper and the working class is often violently apparent. After several acts of violence, drug dealing, and vandalism, the school’s principal (Joe Spano) is left with a choice. He can either hire full-time security guards and turn his school into an armed camp or he can meet with the most popular seniors and ask them to do their part to maintain order at the school.

He goes with the latter option.

At first, quarterback Derek (Keanu Reeves) is excited about doing his part to make the school a better place. He and his friends quickly form the Brotherhood of Justice and make out a list of trouble makers. At first, Derek and his friends are just roughing up drug dealers and demanding that all students show some school pride. (In order to maintain their anonymity, they all wear masks to hide their faces. However, no effort is made to disguise anyone’s voice, which means that this film takes place in a world where no one can recognize the voice of Keanu Reeves.) However, things quickly escalate. One member of the Brotherhood — Les (Billy Zane) — is especially enthusiastic and he has a thing for knives.

Meanwhile, Derek is having issues with his girlfriend, Christie (Lori Loughlin). Christie, who is apparently incapable of recognizing her boyfriend’s voice whenever he’s wearing a mask, thinks that the Brotherhood is idiotic. Christie also has a new job as a waitress and one of her co-workers is Victor (Kiefer Sutherland). Victor obviously likes Christie and he also bravely stands up to the Brotherhood when they try to harass a student who is named Pasty. (I kid you not.)

When Derek grows disillusioned with the Brotherhood, they decide that the situation with Christie must be distracting him. So, they decide to blow up Victor’s car…

It’s all in the name of justice!

Obviously, one of the best things about Brotherhood of Justice is that it’s a chance to see Neo and Jack Bauer compete over Aunt Becky while Cal Hockley plays with a switch blade in the background. (Oddly enough, Derek’s younger brother is played by Danny Nucci, who later appeared with Zane in Titanic.) But there’s more to Brotherhood of Justice than just the curiosity value of the cast.

That plot hole about the voices aside, Brotherhood of Justice is actually a really good movie and one that everyone should watch. If anything, it’s even more relevant today than it probably was when it was originally made. It’s easy to be dismissive of the self-righteous and judgmental Brotherhood but actually, how different are they from the outrage brigade who show up everyday on twitter? When the Brotherhood demands that everyone follow the rules and love their school, how different are they from those assholes who, today, claim that anyone who disagrees with the president or questions the moral authority of the government is somehow guilty of treason? If the Brotherhood existed today, they would be cyberbullying and doxxing anyone who they felt had failed to say or think the right thing.

Let’s face it — we currently live in a fascist culture. In its own modest but important way, Brotherhood of Justice is one of those films that can tell us why.

And you can watch it below!

Lisa Marie Does The Roommate (dir. by Christian E. Christiansen)

Posted on February 15, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Because of all the snow and ice that hit Dallas earlier this month, I’ve been running a week behind when it comes to going to the movies. For instance, I was planning on seeing The Roommate when it first opened but, because of the weather, I didn’t get a chance to see it until this previous Saturday. I ended up seeing the movie at the AMC Valley with Jeff, my sister Erin, my friend Evelyn and her boyfriend Steven, Evelyn’s younger sister Emma, and finally Katrina, who works with my sister Erin.

Now, you may be asking — why were so many people required just for me to see one movie? Well, The Roommate didn’t look like a film to be seen alone. It looked like a film that was meant to be seen in a group of people. The Roommate looked like the type of campy, silly little film that demanded some audience participation. At least, that’s what it looked like. However, as we watched the movie, it quickly became apparent that this film was neither campy nor silly. Instead, it was just — well, it was just there.

In the Roommate, Minka Kelly plays a poor girl from Iowa who leaves home to attend college in California. She’s a design major or something like that though she’s going to one of those movie colleges that is exclusively populated by models and where you’re only actually require to attend one class (and that class, of course, is taught by Billy Zane). Anyway, Kelly has been randomy assigned a roommate and it turns out to be Leighton Meester. Kelly and Meester hit it off but it quickly becomes evident that Meester has some issues. Soon, she’s stalking all of Kelly’s other friends, cutting herself to get attention, and eventually revealing herself to be a comic book super villain. Kelly, for her part, refuses to accept that Meester’s crazy until after the first murder has been committed and yet no one really gets upset at her for that. Seriously, couldn’t one person have said, “You know, if you hadn’t been such a clueless idiot, a lot of trouble could have been avoided.”

It’s a sad fact of life that most movies are rather forgettable. Who hasn’t had the experience of sitting through a movie and then realizing, a few hours later, that you really can’t remember much about what you’ve just seen? A similar thing happened to me when I saw The Roommate except, as opposed to forgetting about it after I saw it, I actually forgot about it while I was watching. After about half-an-hour into the film, we all stopped paying attention and instead, me, Erin, Emma, and Evelyn started to whisper about old episodes of The O.C. and Buffy the Vampire Slayer while Jeff and Steve started to talk about sports and Katrina ended up spending the whole movie flirting with the guy sitting behind us (which I don’t think his girlfriend appreciated since she kept going “shhhhhhh!” in this really annoying, obnoxious way). Every once in a while, I would look up at the screen and think to myself, “Oh yeah, there’s a movie playing” but, quite frankly, I never saw anything on-screen that would justify making any more than a minimum effort to pay attention. That’s just the type of film The Roommate is. It takes the old Radiohead song about no surprises, please to heart.

What makes this disappointing is that, concept-wise, the movie has potential. Everyone has had that one friend that has turned out to be just a little bit too clingy for comfort. Most of us have had more than a few. As well, your first few semesters of college are supposed to be all about figuring out who you really are. Are you gay, straight, or somewhere in between? Are you a good girl or are you a bad girl? Are you a rebel or are you a conformist? At least that’s how I remember my first semester of college and, for me, my randomly-selected roommate was the key to answering so many of those questions. I imagine that’s the way it is for a lot of people. The best horror often has some sort of tenuous connection with reality so The Roommate had a chance to be, at the very least, a fun little B-movie.

Unfortunately, effective horror also requires a willingness to risk alienating the audience and The Roommate is too concerned with maintaining its PG-13 rating to take that risk. That PG-13 rating means, in short, no nudity, no blood, and no darkness. Instead of truly exploring the premise for all that its worth, The Roommate is more concerned with being safe for tweens and teenagers. That was the majority of the audience when we saw the film and seeing how much they appeared to be enjoying the film made me feel really, really old. Of course, to be honest, I probably would have enjoyed the movie to if I was only 15 years old and I’d never actually seen a good horror movie before.

However, no film is totally useless and The Roommate did inspire me to start concealing a pocket knife underneath the clasp of my bra, like Leighton Meester does in this movie. That may be the best development in self-defense since I finally figured out how to use pepper spray without spraying it in my face.

Titanic In Retrospect

Posted on October 6, 2010 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Recently, I tried to rewatch an obscure art film from 1997 called Titanic. From the time I was 12 until I was 16, I watched this movie a lot and, without fail, I cried and cried at the movie’s end. (Admittedly, it was pretty easy to make me cry back then.) I decided to rewatch it because I was curious as to whether or not Titanic could still make me cry.

For those of you who aren’t into art films, here’s a quick synopsis and review of Titanic.

The film’s plot: Bill Paxton and an obnoxious fat guy are held hostage on a submarine by a senile old biddy who insists on telling them the story of how she lost her virginity 98 years ago.

Meanwhile, in London, Leonardo DiCaprio steals some poor kid’s sketch book and then sneaks onto a cruise ship where, pretending to be an artist, he seduces and murders lonely widows.

Also on the cruise ship is Kate Winslet. Kate’s engaged to Billy Zane but she’s unhappy about it because — well, there’s some men you fuck and there’s some men you marry and let’s just say that you don’t marry Billy Zane. Once the boat sets sail, Kate decides to jump overboard. However, just before she can jump, she’s spotted by Leo. Leo quickly tosses a burlap sack containing the corpse of Lady Astor into the Atlantic and then rescues Kate.

Kate rewards him by taking him down to her cabin and showing him a painting by Someone Picasso. (Early on in the film, Billy correctly says that Someone Picasso will never amount to anything and that’s true. Someone was always overshadowed by his older brother Pablo.) Leo looks at the painting and says, “Look at what he does with color here.” As a former Art History major, that line made me smile. That’s the type of statement that is regularly uttered by people who can’t think of anything else to say. When a guy looks at a painting and says, “Look at what he does with color here,” what he’s actually saying is, “Look, babe, I went to the damn art museum with you so there better be a blow job in my immediate future.”

Leo has dinner with Billy and Kate. Leo says, “I’m just a tumbleweed blowing in the wind.” Over at the next table, a shifty young man named Bob Dylan overhears and thinks, “That would make a good song. But the little man must die so nobody knows I stole that line from him…”

Anyway, Leo eventually slips Kate a rohypnol, convinces her to pose naked while he secretly tapes her for Youtube, and then proceeds to have sex with her in the back seat of a car. Afterward, Kate says, “Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” Leo replies, “Uhmm…I might be busy. I’ll call you.” “My God,” I said as I watched all this, “it’s like reliving my freshman year of college all over again.”

Anyway, 8 more hours pass. All the rich passengers on the ship do rich things while all the poor passengers get drunk and trash the lower levels of the boat. Suddenly, without warning, the boat is besieged by the living dead. Billy Zane insists that they would be safer in the basement. Leo disagrees while Kate says, “So, you think you can just fuck me and leave!? No way!”

12 more hours pass. The living dead manage to rip a hole in the side of the boat. Billy chases Leo and Kate around the Titanic as it sinks. “I hope you’ll be very happy together!” he screams. Meanwhile, up top, two rich guys put on tuxedos and one of them says something like, “We’re going to die like gentlemen.” Which I guess is what they end up doing though, honestly, it sounds to me like the guy’s just being a smartass.

Eventually, Kate and Leo end up sitting on an iceberg together. Kate wonders if this is a dream. Leo proceeds to spin a top on the ice to find out. Suddenly, Bob Dylan floats by in a rowboat. “This machine kills fascists!” he shouts as he shoots Leo with a crossbow. Leo sinks into the water. Bob Dylan smirks. “How does it feel to be on your own?” he asks.

The end.

A quick review: I guess the easiest way to review Titanic is to answer my original question. Does the film still make me, at the age of 24, cry like it did when I was 12? No, it does not. To be honest, the only tears that I shed while rewatching Titanic were tears of shame and boredom. This is the movie that I once thought was the greatest thing ever? True, I was young and stupid but still…

On the plus side, Kate Winslet gives a good performance even if her character is basically just a sexist male fantasy. Billy Zane is also a lot of fun as her jilted suitor.

On the negative side, there’s everything else. The script — written by Someone Cameron — is full of laughably bad lines and plotwise, the film has all the depth of a lanced boil. The romantic elements of the plot made me cry back when I was 12 because I didn’t have a whole lot of real world experience to compare Titanic’s fantasy against. Now, at the age of 24, I’ve actually had to deal with my fair share of guys who say actually do make dumbfug statement about things like being a tumbleweed blowing in the wind (not to mention being king of the world). I’m not saying that a good movie can’t present a romantic idealization of reality. I’m just saying that a good movie can do that without insulting the viewer’s intelligence like Titanic does.

One last note — Leo DiCaprio has become a great actor. But, in Titanic, he just comes across like a shrill poseur.

I Learned Something Today Conclusion: Just because you and a million others think that a movie is great today, that doesn’t mean that the movie’s going to be anywhere near as good 12 years later. In this age of Avatar and the Social Network, that’s a lesson that I think many self-appointed film “gurus” would do well to consider before they throw a hissy fit just because a complete stranger on the Internet disagrees with them.