Retro Television Review: The American Short Story #4 “Almos’ A Man”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing The American Short Story, which ran semi-regularly on PBS in 1974 to 1981.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime and found on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, we have an adaptation of a Richard Wright short story.

Episode #4 “Almos’ A Man”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired in 1976)

David (LeVar Burton) is a black fifteen year-old living in the Deep South in the 1930s.  He works on his family’s farm and takes care of a mule named Jenny.  He considers himself to be almost a man.  His mother (Madge Sinclair) and his father (Robert DoQui) disagree.

David knows the one thing that he need to make himself a man.  He needs a gun and, this being the 1930s, he finds one that he can order from a Sears & Roebuck catalogue.  His mother says that there’s no way she’s letting him get a gun.  His father is a bit more open to it.  David secretly sends away for the gun and, as you can probably guess, tragedy ensues.

This was a downbeat adaptation of a similarly downbeat Richard Wright short story.  David obsession with being a man makes sense when you consider that he lives in a world where everyone — from his parents to the menacing white people who show up towards end — calls him a “boy.”  The white people even call his father “boy” and it’s a reminder of how that term was used to dehumanize and degrade black men, even someone like David’s father who has raised a family, takes care of his farm, and who is, in every way imaginable, a man.

Nicely done, this one, with good performance from Burton, Sinclair, and Doqui.  As for Richard Wright, he had been dead for 16 years by the time this premiered.  He died in Paris, having left the United States in 1946.  He’s remembered for his novel Native Son and his memoir, Black Boy.  Personally, I would add that he should also be remembered for his essay that appeared in the anti-Communist collection, The God That Failed.  This adaptation of AlmosA Man does a good job paying tribute to Wright’s voice and legacy.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.17 “Jack-In-The-Box”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week’s episode is a sad one.

Episode 3.17 “Jack-In-The-Box”

(Dir by David Winning, originally aired on April 23rd, 1990)

After her lifeguard father drowns, a young girl named Megan (Marsha Moreau) uses a cursed jack-in-the-box to get revenge of those who she blames for his death.  Seeing the jack in the box when it opens leads to people drowning.  A janitor drowns in a pool.  One guy drowns in a car wash.  The deaths are grisly but it brings back the spirit of Megan’s death father.  Or, at least, that’s what Megan thinks.  Personally, I think the spirt was a demon in disguise because some of the things he suggested were really out there.

This was a really sad episode.  In an amazing coincidence, Micki knew the lifeguard’s family and she spent most of this episode on the verge of tears.  Meanwhile, Megan’s mother dealt with her sadness by becoming an alcoholic and Megan killed  a number of people just so she could spend some time with her “father.”  This episode was well-acted and well-written and really not the right sort of thing for me to watch at a time when the one-year anniversary of my Dad’s passing is quickly approaching.  This was an episode that not only left Micki in tears but it left me in tears as well.

Okay, enough sadness!  This was a good episode.  The third season has been uneven and I still miss Ryan’s character but this episode showed that Friday the 13th was still capable of being effective even as the show came to a close.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.4 “Qui Transtulit Sustinet”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week. Dr. Craig finally gets to perform his first heart transplant.

Episode 2.4 “Qui Transtulit Sustinet”

(Dir by Victor Lobl, originally aired on November 16th, 1983)

It’s a busy day at St. Eligius.

While Morrison struggles to come to terms with the death of his wife, her heart is transplanted into Eve Leighton.  Morrison tells Westphall that he wants to keep working at the hospital and that he doesn’t need any time off.  Westphall tells Morrison that he’s too distraught to be trusted with patients and that he has to take some time off.  Westphall actually has a point, even if he does come across as being a bit cold when talking to Morrison.  Even Peter White, that drug-addicted sleazebag, tells Morrison that he’s needs to take some time.  Seriously, I think this is the first time that Dr. White’s been correct about anything since this show began.

Dr. Craig finally gets to perform a heart transplant but afterwards,  in a wonderfully-acted scene, he tells Westphall that he feels a bit let down.  After all the anticipation and the preparation, Craig isn’t sure what to do now that he’s actually performed the surgery.  For once, he doesn’t want to talk to the press, regardless of how much the city of Boston expects him to.  It’s a nicely human moment, one that we don’t often get from Dr. Craig.

Nurse Rosenthal attempted to console another breast cancer patient and met with Mark Harmon’s Dr. Caldwell to discuss getting breast reconstruction surgery.  Nurse Rosenthal’s breast cancer storyline has consistently been well-acted and well-written and it has also been consistently difficult for me, as someone who lost her mother to cancer, to watch and write about.  That was certainly the case for me with this episode.

Meanwhile, Fiscus and Luther pool their money to make an investment in silver but, at the last minute, Fiscus pulls out of their investment.  His nerves get the better of him.  Luther makes a lot of money.  Fiscus doesn’t.  Hey, guys — Morrison’s wife is dead.  Show some respect and save the comedy for another episode.

This was an intense episode but it ended on a beautiful note, with Dr. Morrison listening to the sound of his wife’s heart beating in someone else’s body.  A beautiful note but also a very sad one.  I’m worried about Jack Morrison.  I’m worried about the recipient of the heart.  I’m worried about Helen Rosenthal.  I’m worried about the entire hospital!

Here’s hoping for happier days ahead.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.2 “Man’s Best Friend, Part 2”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, the fourth season premiere concludes.

Episode 4.2 “Man’s Best Friend Part 2”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on September 23rd, 1987)

Picking up where last week’s episode, this episode opens with Alex (Danny Pintauro) visiting Jake the Siberian Husky at the big home that Jake shares with Jenny (Elisabeth Harnois), her grandfather (William Schallert), and her parents, Paul (Stan Ivar) and Michelle Raines (Laurie Walters).

Yay!

Alex’s attitude improves so much that it’s decided to move him into a foster home.

Uhmm….what about the Raines family?

The surrogate hired to carry Paul and Michelle’s baby loses the baby.  Paul and Michelle are heartbroken.

Uhmm….hey, I think Alex needs a family….

Jenny gives Jake to Alex.

Awwww!

Alex’s foster family lives in a building that doesn’t allow pets.

Oh no!

Alex and Jake run away and, after nearly dying in the desert, they end up with the Raines family’s home.

I see where this is going….

If you guessed that Paul and Michelle announce that they’re going to adopt Alex and that Jake is going to continue to live with them on the ranch, congratulations!  You could have been a Highway to Heaven writer!

This episode didn’t make me cry as much as last week’s, mostly because it was pretty easy to see where things were heading from the beginning.  Even when Alex and Jake were lost in the desert, I knew they would be okay because this is Highway to Heaven.  Children and their adorable dogs don’t die on this show. (Except, of course, for those two times that they did.  Actually, three times, now that I think about it.)    That said, I was still relieved when Jake was rescued because seriously, that dog was adorable!

This was a good conclusion to last week’s episode.  Everything worked out for the best.  At the end of the episode, Mark said that he understood why “they call them man’s best friend.”  Michael nodded and then said, a little sadly, “Shouldn’t man’s best friend be …. man?”

You tell ’em, Hippie Angel!

You tell them.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 2.16 “Movin’ On Out”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, guess who is the worst?

Episode 2.16 “Movin’ On Out’

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 19th, 2000)

This episode revisits a familiar theme.  Lisa — this is, the show’s Lisa as opposed to your intrepid, red-headed reviewer — is the absolute worse.  This week, Lisa is annoyed with Traycee because Traycee doesn’t always give Lisa her messages and Traycee sent the plumber home before he could fix the sink.  (Traycee thought Lisa was trying to set her up on a date with the plumber.)  Lisa says, “I can’t live like this” and proceeds to write up a long list of rules that Traycee will have to follow if she wants to continue living in the apartment.

(If I remember correctly, Traycee’s name is on the lease so how exactly Lisa is going to kick her out, I have no idea.)

It’s a really long list.  Traycee decides to move in with the Collins brothers.  The Collins brothers are excited because Traycee is planning on throwing a lingerie party with all of her friend.  (Jason and Scott assume they’ll be invited.)  Lisa tell Jason and Scott that they will regret letting Traycee move in but actually, Jason and Scott love living with her.

Meanwhile, Lisa gets a new roommate, who turns out to be a psychotic wrestling fan.  And really, that’s where this episode should have ended.  Lisa spent this episode acting like a spoiled snob, going so far as to tell other people — like the Collins brothers — not to let Traycee live with them.  Hey, Lisa — IT WAS TRAYCEE’S APARTMENT IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE!  And didn’t we already do this stupid story at the start of the season?  Yes, we did!  This episode should have ended with Lisa realizing her new roommate was crazy.  Instead, it ended with Lisa giving Traycee a not terribly convincing apology.

Anyway, Traycee does move back in with Lisa.  She was tired of the Collins boys always wanting her to throw another party.  Lisa kicks out her new roommate.  Has Lisa ever considered that she might be impossible to live with?

Fortunately, the B-plot was kind of cute.  After witnessing him saving the life of a sea lion, Alex develops a crush on Murray.  Murray likes Alex but he worries she’s too beautiful to ever stick with a guy like him.  Jason advices Murray to act like an obnoxious jackass because women love that.  (Excuse me while I dramatically roll my eyes.)  Murray takes Jason’s advice, even though Jason hasn’t had a girlfriend since Stads abandoned him for Europe.

(Seriously, Stads dumped Jason for a continent.  Ha ha, sucks to be you, Jason.)

This B-plot may have been dumb but you know what?  Brandon Brooks was adorable as the emotionally vulnerable Murray.  Brooks is often the only reason to watch this show.  He manages to play the goofy best friend without turning the character into a Screech-style caricature and that makes him unique amongst the goofy best friends who populated the sitcoms that Peter Engel produced in the 90s and early aughts.  When I watched the pilot, I never would have guessed that Murray would eventually become my favorite character but that is what has happened.  On a show where everyone else is either self-absorbed, bitchy, or just a jackass, Murray’s good vibes are often Malibu CA’s saving grace.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.22 “Hostile Takeover”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters takes a look at what is required to get ahead in the cut-throat world of corporate finance.

Episode 3.22 “Hostile Takeover”

(Dir by Randall Moldave, originally aired on February 24th, 1991)

Ruthless but not particularly intelligent corporate executive Laurence Bauer (Dennis Christopher) thinks that he has figured out the perfect way to take over the business from CEO Tom Hart (William Lanteau).  He teams up with a voodoo priestess named Matilde (Pam Grier) and, with her help, he manages to force Hart out.  However, Matilde explains that all of this comes with a price.  The Voodoo Gods want a piece of Bauer’s body.  Bauer responds by killing Matilde.

In his office, getting faxes from the Voodoo Gods and dealing with taunting messages on his computer screen, Bauer decides to sacrifice the janitor, Ed (Tracey Walter).  However, Ed turns out to be not just any old janitor.  He’s a demon who reacts to Bauer’s condescension by plucking out his right eye.

“You’re my boy now!” Ed shouts.

Agck!  Scary!

This was a good episode.  Christopher, Walter, and Grier all gave memorable performances and the demon effects were genuinely disturbing.  The final season of Monsters wasn’t perfect.  I’ve reviewed more than a few bad episodes from season 3.  That said, it was still a marked improvement over the first two seasons, as demonstrated by episodes like this one.  The whole point of the show was to show off the Monsters and this episode featured a truly effective one.

Two more episodes to go and then a new show will be premiering in this time slot!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.4 “The Same Wavelength/Winning Isn’t Everything/A Honeymoon for Horace”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episode 6.4 “The Same Wavelength/Winning Isn’t Everything/A Honeymoon for Horace”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on October 23rd, 1982)

Yeesh!  This episode!  Because I’m on vacation, I’m going to lay out the facts quickly and simply.

  • Julie’s hair still looks awful.  Seriously, she looks like she should be playing the demanding gymnastics coach in a Peter Engel-produced high school sitcom.
  • Horace (Jack Gilford) and Twinkie (Nancy Walker) board the boat.  They’re in their 80s and they’re newlyweds!  Awwwww!  Horace is nervous about his honeymoon because it’s been forever since he’s kissed a woman so he asks Julie if he can practice on her.  Julie, her eyes oddly glazed over, agrees.
  • Twinkie, who loves to party, tells Julie that she’s actually been married to Horace for 30 years and he just said that he was a newlywed to trick Julie into kissing him.
  • Later, when confronted by Doc and Julie, Horace and Twinkie confess that they’re not actually married.  However, they are brother and sister.  WHAT!?
  • Turns out that Twinkie “likes to party” and Horace “likes to kiss pretty girls” so they lied so that they could do both.
  • Horace, you’re going to jail!  Oh wait, no, he’s not.  The Love Boat crew has a good laugh over it and Julie, to be honest, seemed to be pretty coked up in this episode so perhaps she had a good reason for wanting to avoid dealing with the cops.  Okay, Julie, do what you have to do, I guess.
  • Meanwhile, psychic Tess Macgill (Connie Stevens) falls in love with passenger Mike Gordon (Charles Seibert).  Unfortunately, Mike is still in love with his wife, despite the fact that they’re now separated.  It’s a good thing that there’s a psychic on board to let Mike know that his marriage is over.
  • Finally, Jack Bronson (David Doyle) boards the boat with his teenage son, Chip (Matthew Labyorteaux).  Jack is an old friend of Captain Stubing’s and he’s convinced that winning is everything!  As for Stubing, he’s just happy that Vicki will finally have someone her own age to spend some time with.  I’m happy too.  Seriously, Vicki hardly ever gets to talk to anyone under the age of 50.
  • Jack is convinced that Chip is a world-class athlete but that’s just because Chip has been lying to his father.
  • Vicki is great a table tennis.  Jack pressures Chip to play her.  Chip fakes a wrist injury to get out of it.
  • Eventually, Chip tells his father the truth and Jack realizes that he’s been pushing his son way too much.  That’s not a bad lesson but David Doyle is miscast as a competition-obsessed father.  He comes across as being too nice.  Jack is a role for Bo Svenson.

This episode …. bleh.  The psychic story was bland and the story with the elderly siblings was creepy.  The Jack and Chip story was, at least, tolerable.  Julie’s terrible new haircut continues to annoy me.  This was not the best cruise in the history of The Love Boat.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.8 “Undercover”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Chris goes undercover.

Episode 2.8 “Undercover”

(Dir by Terrence H. Winkless, originally aired on October 13th, 1996)

A smarmy detective wants Chris to go undercover to help investigate a suspected money launderer, Tim Wakefield (Scott Plank).  Palermo argues that Chris doesn’t have enough experience to work undercover but the detective asks Chris, “What do you want to do?  You ready to get out of those bicycle shorts and do some real police work?”

I have to admit that line cracked me up.  It really made the whole episode.  Palermo got offended, as he always does whenever anyone points out that bike cops look silly with their shorts and their crisp white shirts.  What was great about the line was that it was true.  The detective may have been smarmy but he was right about Chris being invited to do “real police work” and he was right about bike cops not being real policemen.  Everyone know it’s true!  Seriously, if a bicycle cop ever tries to pull you over, just slam down on the accelerator.  What are they going to do?  Chase you when you’re going over 30 mph?  I think not!

(Seriously, two seasons in and the show is still trying to convince us that bike cops are real cops.  Sorry, Palermo, it’s not going to happen!)

That said, this episode’s main plot still ended up falling flat because Chris is not a very interesting character and her whole undercover thing wasn’t particularly credible.  When she went undercover, she still came across as being just as stiff, humorless, and unlikable as when she’s riding her bike and threatening people with arrest.  Tim Wakefield, of course, fell for her and Chris was supposed to be attracted to him and conflicted about her assignment and I never bought it for a second.

(As for Wakefield, he turned out to be not as bad of a guy as everyone assumed.  He was arrested but his lawyer got him off and the episode ended with him sending Chris a postcard from some tropical beach.  I think Chris was supposed to be wistful as she looked at the postcard but, since Darlene Vogel was apparently only capable of one facial expression, who knows for sure?)

Meanwhile, Cory dealt with being stalked by a mentally unstable ex-boyfriend,  Wasn’t it just last week that Cory’s partner was being stalked by a mentally unstable woman?  This show certainly does enjoy repeating itself.  While Palermo worried about Chris, TC and Victor chased some roller-blading teens who were shooting random tourists with paintballs.  The roller-blading scenes were kind of exciting but, unfortunately, they had to share space with all of the awkward bicycle scenes.

This episode had its moments.  The roller-blading was cool.  The detective making fun of Palermo was gratifying.  Overall, though, the fact that the show centers around bicycles continues to be a flaw that simply cannot be overcome.  There’s simply no way to make anyone riding a bicycle look impressive, I don’t care how serious they try to look.

Sorry, Pacific Blue.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.24 “Dynamite Alley”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, season 3 comes to an end.

Episode 3.24 “Dynamite Alley”

(Dir by Bruce Kessler, originally aired on March 30th, 1980)

After testifying in a trial in Bakersfield, Bonnie (Randi Oakes) is driving back to Los Angeles when, somehow, she ends up flipping her squad car.  In the hospital, Bonnie swears that she had to swerve suddenly to avoid a truck that came out of nowhere.  The only witness to Bonnie’s accident is a pre-adolescent named Corey (Bryan Scott), who was watching as Bonnie drove by his house.  Corey says that he saw the truck but Ponch and Jon come to suspect that he might be lying because he doesn’t want Bonnie to get in trouble.  Meanwhile, Grossman is writing an article on how tired drivers can hallucinate seeing other vehicles and he comes to suspect that this is what happened to Bonnie.

And he’s right!  It’s interesting that, just last season, CHiPs did an entire episode about proving that Sindy Cahill was not responsible for a crash she was involved with.  Meanwhile, this season ends with an episode that’s all about Bonnie being a menace on the streets.  Of course, event though Bonnie flipped her car after imagining seeing a truck in front of her, she gets to keep her job and everyone has a good laugh about it.

My main issue with this episode is that Corey was 1) portrayed as having a stutter and 2) nicknamed Blabbermouth by everyone he knew, even the characters who were supposed to be sympathetic to him.  When he showed up in the hospital to confess that he didn’t really see a truck push Bonnie off the road, Bonnie replies, “Oh, Blabbermouth.”  Even Jon and Ponch call him Blabbermouth.  As a former stutterer, this episode really annoyed me.

As for our B-plot, the “funny car show” is in town.  All sorts of weird vehicles show up on the streets.  One man tries to drive a tank to the show and people start throwing bottles at him.  When Baker and Ponch show up to investigate the tank, Baker nearly gets hit by a glass bottle that’s thrown at him by two kids.  Ponch grabs one of the kids but then just laughs and lets him leave.  Really, Ponch?  BAKER COULD HAVE LOST AN EYE!

And that’s how the third season ended, with Bonnie crashing her squad car because she had a hallucination and a poor kid with a stutter being called “Blabbermouth” by the police.  That’s not the best way to end a season.

Season 4 starts next week!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.8 “Like A Hurricane”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

Crockett gets married!  Huh?

Episode 4.8 “Like a Hurricane”

(Dir by Colin Bucksey, originally aired on November 20th, 1987)

Crockett is upset when he’s assigned to serve as a bodyguard to singer Caitlin Davies (Sheena Easton).  Caitlin is a witness to the criminal activity of music industry executive Tommy Lowell (Xander Berkeley) and the Vice Squad is worried that he might send someone to kill her.  Crockett doesn’t have much use for celebrities and Caitlin doesn’t have much use for a cop continually telling her what to do.  But after Crockett saves Caitlin’s life multiple times, they fall in love and the episode ends with Crockett and Caitlin getting married.

Wow, Crockett got married!

I mean, is Caitlin going to live on his boat?  Is the crocodile going to be okay with this?  For that matter, wouldn’t the fact that he just married a celebrity make it difficult for Crockett to continue his undercover work as Sonny Burnett?  I mean, I imagine there was a lot of press coverage of the marriage.  Caitlin, we’re told, is a pretty big deal.

Honestly, Crockett getting married should have been a big moment but this episode just fell flat.  The main problem is that Don Johnson and Sheena Easton didn’t have much romantic chemistry so their sudden love for each felt as if it came out of nowhere.  Sonny getting married that quickly seemed a bit out-of-character for him.  This episode, like much of season 4, felt like it was mostly the result of the writers grasping at straws to find something new to do with the show.  Last week, Trudy got kidnapped by aliens.  This week, Crockett got married.  Maybe next week, Tubbs will take on the Yakuza.  Who knows?  At this point, it all feels random.

We’ll see what happens.  For now, here’s Sheena Easton performing one of my favorite Bond songs.