Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.18 “Desirable Alien”

Posted on May 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, an immigrant wants to stay in America.

Episode 3.18 “Desirable Alien”

(Dir by Bette Gordon, originally aired on January 27th, 1991)

Hercules (Tony Spiridakis) is a Greek immigrant who claims that he cannot return to his home country because of a mysterious birth defect. Hercules wants to be an American citizen but, for some reason, he is hesitant to take the physical exam necessary for citizenship and he always finds a way to put it off. As he waits to become a citizen, Hercules works in a restaurant with his friend, Luis (Luis Guzman). Hercules has had several case workers, all of whom have mysteriously stopped working for the Immigration agency after meeting with Hercules. It turns out that almost every woman that Hercules meets ends up becoming one of his lovers. Luis is impressed. Hercules says that he can’t help it. And, as caseworker Maggie (Wendy Makkena) discovers, he’s not lying. It turns out that Hercules is actually a satyr. Debbie Harry, of Blondie fame, has a brief cameo as a doctor who shows up to give Hercules his physical and who quickly becomes one of his lovers.

This episode was well-acted but it didn’t really add up to much. It’s tempting to try to connect the episode’s story to modern politics and the current debate about immigration but …. nah. That would be giving this episode a bit too much credit. As much as I complain about programs that are too long for the often simple stories that they tell, this episode is a case where I wouldn’t have minded a bit more time to explore the story. With a 21-minute runtime, this episode felt rushed and rather incomplete.

“Don’t Lie”, Dir. Alex Magana, Short Film Review By Case Wright

Posted on May 13, 2025 by casewright

So we meet again….Alex … Magana. Now look, I assume that most of my readers are good, kind, and decent, but what if you’re not?! I mean what if you’re not that great or you did one REALLY bad thing that you feel guilty about. I’m not saying putting your neighbor in a woodchipper kind of thing, but let’s just include the lessor felonies. If you just need that self-flagellation, my dear ne’er-do-well compadre, this film and Alex Magana is for you.

Alex Magana assaults the senses and art herself. In fact, from the hackneyed plots to the p*rn quality acting, he is the Ed Wood of the digital age! If you don’t believe me, check out the “Smiling Woman”… SERIES…yes, it’s a series! I refuse to call it a franchise! I won’t do it! Luckily, your misery is brief because as terrible as Alex Magana’s films are – he can’t write stories longer than 4 minutes.

“Don’t Lie” shows an influencer, who I think seems a little old for the gig; however, we must let all things slide with Alex. Typically, Alex just films out of his apartment and the hall in his apartment building. The lead actress could be homeless or just live near the building; so, she could be young, but life on the street is hard. In fact, all of the actors could be homeless and this brief filming was their only exposure to …. home. *Sheds Tear*

The story continues where her boyfriend stages her murder to gain additional subscribers, which doesn’t make sense because why subscribe to the deceased? But, Whatever. A psycho then teaches her and her boyfriend a lesson about … honesty… with a knife. Apparently, neither she nor her boyfriend understand how their legs can make them move around and even away from things or people.

If we look at “Don’t Lie” like an industrial film, like “The Importance of Good Manners”, “Why you should drive safely”, and “Don’t ever put that in your Bu..” anyway. My point is that maybe “Don’t Lie” is salvageable as a lesson film. The lesson is this: Don’t let Alex Magana have any recording devices! EVER! He’s got to be stopped! He’s really prolific! How is paying for all this very very low budget dreck?!

Scenes I Love: Norman Bates Talks About His Mother In Psycho

Posted on May 11, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Norman Bates, now there’s someone who probably made a big deal out of every Mother’s Day. Today’s scene that I love comes from 1960’s Psycho and features Hitchcock, Janet Leigh, and Anthony Perkins at their absolute best,

Live Tweet Alert: Watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre With #ScarySocial!

Posted on May 10, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime! I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (dir by Tobe Hooper, DP: Daniel Pearl)

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.12 “Epitaph For A Lonely Heart”

Posted on May 9, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, it’s just Jack and Micki!

Episode 3.12 “Epitaph For A Lonely Heart”

(Dir by Allan Kroeker, originally aired on January 22nd, 1990)

Eli Leonard (Neil Munro) is a mortician who uses a cursed embalming needle to bring the dead back to life. Of course, he has to kill someone for the needle to work. Eli has fallen in love with the corpse of a young woman and …. EEK!

The dead woman’s fiancé is Steve Wells (Barclay Hope), a friend of Micki’s who let’s her know that he thinks something strange is happening at the funeral home before he himself is killed by Eli. Micki and Jack investigate! It all ends with a big and convenient fire, which not only kills Eli but also the two women who he has recently brought back to life.

Johnny Ventura was not in this episode and, as much as I’ve complained about the character, he actually is missed. Having Micki just working solely with Jack threw off the show’s balance a little. Jack is so much older than Micki that, in this episode, it felt as if Micki was Jack’s apprentice as opposed to being an equal partner in the search for the cursed items. As a character, Micki works best when she has an impulsive guy like Ryan or Johnny to play off of. Both she and Jack tend be cautious so this episode just felt a bit off.

(That said, there was an enjoyable scene of Jack and Micki having to host a gathering of all the other local antique dealers, none of whom knew that Jack and Micki spend all of their time fighting the Devil.)

The mortician was one of the least sympathetic villains that this show has ever featured. He was lonely but he also an obsessive creeper with no people skills. Friday the 13th has often featured villains who were tragically misguided or seduced by the cursed antique. The mortician was just a creep. Neil Munro did a good job playing him, making him into a villain who you couldn’t wait to see meet his fate.

In the end, though, this episode just felt off. I guess this show really does need Johnny screwing up and accidentally giving away the cursed antiques. Who would have guessed?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.17 “Leavings”

Posted on May 7, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Monsters makes even less sense than usual.

Episode 3.17 “Leavings”

(Dir by John Tillinger, originally aired on January 20th, 19991)

Two cops (played by Tony Shalhoub and John Christopher Jones) are concerned about something that they’ve noticed on the streets. Homeless people who are missing limbs are showing up. The cops know that the homeless people had all their limbs just a few days ago but now, they’re gone. There’s no sign of surgery or any sort of trauma. The limbs are just disappearing apparently. Meanwhile, there’s some new homeless guy wandering around who appears to be made out of limbs that don’t really seem to go together.

They go to their boss (Clifton James) with this concerns. Their boss tells them not to worry about it. However, the cops continue to worry about it. This leads to their boss revealing the truth of what’s happening. It turns out that their boss has been stealing body parts and building new people for years. He’s trying to create a policeman who will be loyal and who won’t ask questions. (We only see one of these constructed cops in the show. He wears a jacket that identifies him as being Officer S. Partz.) The boss then kills the two cops because they’ve seen too much.

This was a weird episode. How exactly did their boss learn how to remove body parts without leaving any sort of obvious signs of trauma? How did he learn how to bring his constructed people to life? How did …. well, it just doesn’t make any sense. It’s true that a 30-minuet anthology show doesn’t necessarily have to make perfect sense but this episode really does stretch things a bit too far. The three actors all give good performances but, otherwise, this episode just falls a bit flat.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial for Alligator!

Posted on May 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, at 9 pm et, Deanna Dawn will be hosting #ScarySocial! The movie? 1980‘s Alligator!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! I’ll be there tweeting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Alligator is available on Prime!

See you there!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.11 “Year of the Monkey”

Posted on May 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Friday the 13th features an international adventure!

Episode 3.11 “Year of the Monkey”

(Dir by Rodney Charters, originally aired on January 15th, 1990)

Mushashi (John Fujioka) is a modern-day samurai who owns a cursed tea kettle. When Jack, Micki, and Johnny come by his dojo in search of the kettle, Mushashi says that he will give it to them if they can prove that they are “honorable” by retrieving three cursed monkey statues that are currently in the possession an elderly businessman named Tanaka (Robert Ito).

Tanaka, however, has given the three wise monkey statues (“See No Evil,” “Hear No Evil,” and “Speak No Evil”) to his three children, Michiko (Tia Carrere), Koji (Leonard Chow), and Hitoshi (Von Flores). Tanaka explains that each statue will challenge it’s owner. Those who react in an honorable way will inherit Tanaka’s fortune. Those who are dishonorable will get nothing.

Jack, Micki, and Johnny split up to retrieve the monkeys. Johnny goes to New Yok to get Hear No Evil from Hitoshi. Micki goes to Hong Kong to retrieve See No Evil from Koji. Jack gets to stay in Canada (or Chicago or wherever this show is supposed to be taking place) so that he can retrieve Speak No Evil from Michiko. What they don’t know is that Tanaka is several hundred years old. Every time one of his children fails a monkey test, Tanaka gets a little bit younger.

It’s all about honor and dishonor and the code of the samurai in this week’s episode. To be honest, it’s a bit of a mess. First off, the title refers to the Chinese Zodiac but, other than our three regulars, all of the characters are meant to be Japanese. Secondly, it’s never really clear how the cursed monkeys decide what is honorable and what is dishonorable. Hitoshi uses his monkey to hear the thoughts of those around him and to take advantage of them. That’s definitely dishonorable. But then Koji is declared to be dishonorable even though his monkey did something on its own, without Koji telling it to. Michiko refuses to use her monkey to her own advantage and is judged to be honorable. She is told that it is now her duty to kill her father but instead, she commits suicide because killing her father would be dishonorable. Then, Tanaka is eventually judged to be dishonorable because he stabs Musashi while Mushasi is not holding a weapon but that’s just because Mushashi dropped his sword at the very least minute. It seems like Mushashi should be the dishonarable one for going out of his way to trick Tanaka.

My point is that this was a confusing episode. The monkey were actually kind of cute but their powers made no sense. I’m also not sure why experienced world traveler Jack decided to send Micki to Hong Kong instead of going himself. In the end, this episode was pretty silly, despite the cool monkeys and the samurai-themed finale.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.16 “The Waiting Room”

Posted on April 30, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, on Monsters, a dark room leads to trouble.

Episode 3.16 “The Waiting Room”

(Dir by Philip Alderton, originally aired on January 13th, 1991)

Newlyweds John (Christian Jules LeBlanc) and Catherine (Lisa Waltz) are invited to come stay at an isolated hotel by John’s father, Benjamin (John Saxon). Benjamin explains that the hotel is where he spent his honeymoon. He tells Catherine, “Your husband was conceived in this very room.” Uhmm …. okay. That’s not a creepy thing for a father-in-law to say or anything.

When John disappears, Benjamin tells Catherine the truth. On his wedding night, Benjamin cheated on his wife with a mysterious woman (Denise Gentile) who was staying in a darkened room that appeared to be next door to Benjamin’s. The woman turned out to be an otherworldly creature, one who lived between the real world and spirit world. The woman trapped Benjamin in the room, only allowing him to go after he promised to give her a child.

Benjamin thought he had escaped the woman but, over the years, he discovered that she would show up whenever he walked into a dark room. For that reason, he always has all of the lights on. Now, John has been captured by the woman and it seems like she’ll only exchange him for Benjamin. The problem is that Benjamin doesn’t want to go….

Now, this was a good episode of Monsters! The story was interesting, the direction was atmospheric, the monsters were menacing, and the entire cast did a good job of bringing their characters to life. John Saxon especially gave a good performance as the guilt-ridden Benjamin, alternating between moments of sublime creepiness, truly pathetic cowardice, and very real regret. For once, the story felt neither rushed nor incomplete. In 21-minutes, this episode told an effective story that stayed with the viewer, even after the macabre ending.

Anthology shows are, by their very nature, uneven but the third season of Monsters really did feature some excellent episodes. This was definitely one of the best.

The Eric Roberts Collection: The Demonic Dead (dir by Rick Vargas)

Posted on April 27, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Eric Roberts appears for about 18 seconds in 2017’s The Demonic Dead. He plays the Devil, which means that he wears a black suit and he flashes a sinister smile while he speaks to Maria Cruz (Ronee Collins). Maria is angry with God so she agrees to become a servant of the Devil.

What is Maria’s job? She and an army of zombies hide out in the hills and kill people. Reno (Arben Selimi), a demon hunter whose violent methods have apparently generated some controversy within The Church, is sent to take Maria out. Reno’s wife, Katherine (Kat Kaevich), wants Reno to abandon the whole demon hunting thing because being a demon hunter is a real drag on their marriage. Reno thinks about Katherine and we are treated to a rather long relationship montage, all set to a song called Katherine!

Anyway, Maria is targeting a group of college students, one of whom just happens to be a longtime friend of Reno’s. Reno goes to help, carrying his special golden gun with him. Eventually, Katherine follows and we get some zombie mayhem. One unfortunate person gets his guts pulled out on camera. “Kidney!” Maria says at one point.

This was a very, very low-budget film and it was way too amateurish to be effective. The acting was unpolished and the pacing was so off that this rather short film still felt a bit too long. That said, there was some thought behind the story and the film did attempt to explore what being a demon hunter would actually do to someone’s psyche. The film had some ambition, which is more than I can say for a lot of low budget horror flicks.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed: