Yeah, I have no idea what the Hell’s going on in this trailer but …. hey, Nicolas Cage is in it and I don’t think anyone’s surprised.
Here’s the trailer for Jiu Jitsu!
Category Archives: Film
Here’s The Second Trailer For Ammonite!
Yesterday, the second trailer for Ammonite dropped.
Up until a few months ago, Ammonite was getting a lot of buzz as a possible best picture nominee. That buzz has died down a bit and it seems like, whenever I read anything about the Oscar race, Ammonite is kind of getting overshadowed by the acclaim that’s greeted Nomadland and One Night In Miami. One thing that I’ve repeatedly seen is people who have seen the film saying that it doesn’t quite work but that’s it’s beautifully acted by Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan. Probably not coincidentally, Winslet and Ronan are both still very much a part of the current Oscar speculation even if Ammonite is no longer the Best Picture favorite that it once was.
Myself, I’m still looking forward to seeing the film. Winslet is one of the greatest actress of her generation and Ronan is one of the greatest of her’s. Anything that brings these two together should be worth watching.
Here’s the second trailer for Ammonite:
The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Shriek of the Mutilated (dir by Michael Findlay)
“The shriek of the mutilated!”
Listen, if there’s noting else that can be said about this 1974 film, Shriek of the Mutilated is a brilliant title. I mean, it’s not only catchy but it’s honest. The mutilated do tend to shriek. You see a title like that and how can you look away? How can you not watch just to see if the film itself lives up to the title? That’s the genius of the grindhouse right there. Promise a lot in the title. Even if the film fails to deliver, people will remember the title. Let’s be honest — I could say right now, “Shriek of the Mutilated is the worst movie ever made,” and the only thing you would hear me say is “Shriek of the Mutilated.”
Anyway, as for the film itself, it’s an Abominable Snowman film. There’s a lot of bigfoot films but Shriek of the Mutilated is one of the few films that I’ve ever seen about the Abominable Snowman. I’ve always wondered what makes the Snowman so abominable. I mean, did he just choose that name or was it forced upon him? Abominable doesn’t sound like a compliment so I’m going to guess that the Snowman was named that by someone who he owed money to. I imagine if the Snowman had his say, he’d prefer to be known as the “The Wonderful Snowman” or maybe “The Triumphant Snowman” but, because he must live his days in hiding, he’s been given no choice. It just doesn’t seem fair to me.
If it seems like I’m padding out this review, that’s because there’s more to Shriek of the Mutilated than just the Abominable Snowman but if I tell you too much about the plot, I’ll be spoiling the film. And before you say that there’s no way you’d ever watch this film in the first place so it doesn’t matter if I spoil it, allow me to point out that not only is Shriek of the Mutilated available on Prime but it’s also been included in a quite a few of those cheap Mill Creek box sets. So, chances are, you will be watching Shriek of the Mutilated at some point in your life. And I don’t want to spoil it for you. I want you to watch this film and shake your head and say, “What the Hell was that all about?”
Basically, a professor recruits four of his students to come search for the Snowman with him. The students agree, despite the fact that one of the professor’s former students warns them against it. As he explains it, he had a bright future until he joined the professor on one of his quests. Now, he’s the school janitor and he’s a drunk! That’s why the Snowman is abominable by the way. He ruins lives!
Anyway, the Snowman does kind of make an appearance but, far more important than the Snowman, is a plot twist that’s so silly and so stupid and so out-of-nowhere that it simply has to be seen to be believed. The entire film has a kind of “make it up as you go along” feel to it and it wouldn’t surprise me if someone just randomly thought up the twist in the middle of filming. And listen — the film looks incredibly cheap and the acting is terrible but that twist is such a “WTF” moment that I recommend watching the film just to experience it.
I also recommend the film just because of the Snowman. Check him out:
Shriek of the Mutilated was directed by Michael Findlay, who was one of the pioneers of the grindhouse cicruit. His best films — like the Flesh trilogy — achieve a sort of dream-like intensity. Even his worst films, like this one, are entertainingly weird. He also directed a film called Slaughter which achieved a certain infamy when the producer (without Findlay’s input) filmed some extra scenes, renamed the movie Snuff, and then advertised it as being an actual snuff film. Tragically, Findlay was killed in a helicopter accident in 1978 but his wife, Roberta, continued to direct movies through the 80s.
Shriek of the Mutilated is a frequently inept movie but it’s also strange enough that everyone should watch it at least once.
Cinemax Friday: Witchcraft VII: Judgment Hour (1995, directed by Michael Paul Girard)
Warlock-turned-attorney-turned-police consultant Will Spanner is back for the 7th time in Witchcraft VII. However, the usual witches and warlocks are nowhere to be seen. Instead, this installment finds Will and the gang battling a vampire businessman who wants to take over the world’s blood supply.
As is typical of the Witchcraft films, all of the usual characters are present but they’re all played by different actors. Will is now played by David Byrnes while April Breneman steps into the role of Will’s girlfriend, Kelli. Detectives Garner and Lutz also return. However, Garner (John Cragen) is now much younger and, as opposed to the previous film, has a full head of hair. Meanwhile, Lutz, who was a man in the previous film, is now played by Alisa Christensen. (In a later movie, it would be explained that this Lutz is supposed to be a relative of the original Lutz but that’s never mentioned in Witchcraft VII.)
Will is still tortured by his past and his powers but it’s less of a problem in this film because he’s not battling a warlock. Instead, while he’s visiting friends in the hospital, he just happens to spot Rachel (Ashlie Rhey) coming back to life. Rachel, who was the latest victim of vampire Martin Hassa (Loren Schmalle), is now a vampire who preys on joggers but only after having sex with them because this is a Witchcraft movie, after all. It won’t be easy for Will to defeat Hassa because Hassa has a mansion full of frequently naked vampires. In fact, it’s so difficult that Will ends up dead.
That’s right, Witchcraft VII was originally meant to be the end of the series. Realizing that there was nothing left to do with Will Spanner, Witchcraft VII had him battle a vampire and then killed him. The next Witchcraft film would not feature Will in any way. However, you can’t keep a good warlock down so Will would eventually return in Witchcraft IX.
Witchcraft VII would not have been a bad film to go out on. Even with its low budget and its softcore aesthetic, Witchcraft VII is better than the previous few Witchcraft films. David Byrnes is the best Will Spanner since Charles Solomon and Loren Schmalle is a good villain. Though it may seem strange that a film called Witchcraft wouldn’t actually feature any witches, the vampire angle actually brings some new energy to the franchise. Will gets to go out a hero and the world is a little bit safer for joggers.
Unfortunately, nothing ever truly ends in the world of direct-to-video. Witchcraft would return with Witchcraft 8, albeit temporarily without the character of Will Spanner.
Horror Scenes That I Love: A Celebrity Cameo From Bigfoot
From 2012’s Bigfoot:
International Horror Film Review: The Washing Machine (dir by Ruggero Deodato)
Yuri the pimp is dead and his body has been stuffed into a washing machine …. or has it? The body’s missing. Did the cat eat it? Is someone lying about finding the body? Or is there something else going on?
Those are the questions that are raised by the 1993 Italian film, The Washing Machine. Directed by Ruggero Deodato (of Cannibal Holocaust and House on the Edge of the Park fame), The Washing Machine takes place in Budapest. It tells the story of three sisters. Vida (Katarzyna Figura) is a prostitute. Ludmilla (Barbara Ricci) is a percussionist who often emerges from the shadows, carrying a triangle with her. Maria (Ilaria BorellI), who is also known as Sissy, works with the blind. They all live together in a rather nice, two-story building and they have a washing machine located on the first floor. Yuri (Yorgo Voyagis) is Vida’s pimp and sometime lover. When Via discovers that Yuri has a piece of jewelry with Sissy’s name on it, it leads first to a fight and then to makeup sex in the kitchen, all while Ludmilla watches from the staircase and plays the triangle. Later, Ludmillas calls the police, claiming that she has discovered Yuri’s bloody body in the washing machine.
Inspector Stacev (Philippe Caroit) is sent over to investigate but, by the time he arrives, Yuri’s body has disappeared. There’s a rather self-satisfied black cat wandering about. “Did the cat eat the body?” I asked, just to then have another character in the film suggest the exact same thing. Stacev isn’t sure whether or not Yuri is actually dead but then again, it quickly becomes apparent that Stacev is more interested in the three sisters than he is in solving the case of death of a pimp. Despite the fact that Stacev has a loyal girlfriend named Irina (Claudia Pozzi), he is soon cheating on her with the sisters. When Irina finds out, she commits suicide. Stacev just shrugs it off.
So, you may have guessed that Inspector Stacev is not a particularly likable character. Normally, that might be a problem but it fits right into The Washing Machine‘s chilly view of a world that’s defined and ruled by greed and lust. Set and filmed in Budapest, The Washing Machine is full of shadowy and gothic images. Every location looks as if it’s hiding a hundred secrets and every shadow seems like it’s on the verge of coming to life. An atmosphere of continual menace haunts nearly every frame of The Washing Machine. It helps, of course, to know something about the history of Hungary. The Washing Machine is set just a few years after the collapse of Soviet-style communism in Eastern Europe. The characters in The Washing Machine move, speak, and act like people who lived too long with secrets and paranoia as their most valuable possessions to give them up now.
I liked The Washing Machine. The plot doesn’t make much sense but Deodato does such a good job of creating a sense of dread that it doesn’t have to make sense. A work of existential horror, The Washing Machine takes place in a world that’s governed by chaos and where men like Yuri and Stacev arrogantly assume that their place in society will somehow protect them. In the end, no one is innocent, no one is safe, and willful blindness is the downfall of everyone.
4 Shots From 4 Tod Browning Films: West of Zanzibar, Dracula, Freaks, Mark of the Vampire
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
This October, we’ve been using 4 Shots From 4 Films to pay tribute to some of our favorite horror directors! Today, we honor the legacy of the great Tod Browning!
4 Shots From 4 Films
West of Zanzibar (1928, dir by Tod Browning)
Dracula (1931, directed by Tod Browning)
Freaks (1932, dir by Tod Browning)
Mark of the Vampire (1935; dir by Tod Browning)
Horror Film Review: American Nightmares (dir by Darin Scott and Rusty Cundieff)
I’m always a little bit cautious about anthology films. There’s been a few that I’ve liked. (I recently enjoyed Tales From Parts Unknown, for instance.) But most of the time, horror anthology films tend to leave me feeling rather disappointed. The good segments always seem as if they’re too short while the bad segments seem to go on forever and it’s hard not to feel that the only reason the film was made was because the filmmakers couldn’t be bothered to come up with a full-length story. Plus, there’s always some wrap-around segment and, more often than not, it’s usually kind of stupid and it leaves you feeling as if the film wasted the talents of whoever it was they hired to host the film.
And that brings us to American Nightmares.
In American Nightmares, two dorky guys who might as well have millennial tattooed on their foreheads, find their perusal of internet porn interrupted by the appearance of Mr. Malevolent (Danny Trejo), who proceeds to introduce not one, not two, not three, but SEVEN stories about terrible Americans getting their just deserts. The two dorky guys are rather blase about it all, being more concerned with watching twerking videos than really considering Mr. Malevolent’s stories about hypocritical people getting what they deserve.
Some of the stories are okay but there’s seven of them so it’s hard not to feel that the film is overstuffed. Plus, when you’ve got seven stories in one film, it just takes one or two clunkers to make the whole thing feel pointless. For instance, the first story — which deals with the perfect man and what he turns out to be — is okay and the second story — about a D.A. getting bitten by karma — is cartoonish but crudely effective. But then you hit the third story — which is about racists going to a fantasy world where “no blacks” are allowed — and the story is so heavy-handed, poorly acted, and slow that you kind of tune out. You end up ignoring several of the stories that come after because that third one was so dumb and poorly executed.
Danny Trejo is not a bad choice to play the host of a horror anthology. As is always the case with Danny Trejo, he brings a lot of energy to the role and he seems to be having a great time. His co-host is Nicelle Nichols, of Star Trek fame. She doesn’t get to do much other than nod approvingly as Trejo introduces each story. The stories themselves are full of familiar faces, though the film could hardly be called “all-star.” Instead, it’s more like, “Here’s a bunch of people who you might recognize and who needed the money.” In other words, the film is full of people like Jay Mohr, Chris Kattan, Vivica A. Fox, and Brendan Sexton III. Most of them give rather broad performances, as if they want to make sure you know that they’re just appearing in this movie as a favor to someone and not because they were desperate for work. It’s a bit like Movie 43, just with a less prestigious cast and more dead babies.
Anyway. American Nightmares is not particularly good. It’s overstuffed with stories and none of the stories are really as clever as the film seems to think that they are. Danny Trejo, though, is a badass.
Horror On The Lens: The Phantom of the Opera (dir by Rupert Julian)
Today’s horror movie on the Shattered Lens is both a classic of silent era and one of the most influential horror films ever made. It’s one that I previously shared in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2108, and 2019 but it’s such a classic that I feel that it is worth sharing a second (or fifth or even a sixth) time.
First released in 1925, The Phantom of the Opera is today best known for both Lon Chaney’s theatrical but empathetic performance as the Phantom and the iconic scene where Mary Philbin unmasks him. However, the film is also a perfect example of early screen spectacle. The Phantom of the Opera was released during that period of time, between Birth of the Nation and the introduction of sound, when audiences expected films to provide a visual feast and Phantom of the Opera certainly accomplishes that. Indeed, after watching this film and reading Gaston Leroux’s original novel, it’s obvious that the musical was inspired more by the opulence of this film than by the book.
This film is also historically significant in that it was one of the first films to be massively reworked as the result of a poor test screening. The film’s ending was originally faithful to the end of the novel. However, audiences demanded something a little more dramatic and that’s what they got.
Witchcraft VI: The Devil’s Mistress (1994, directed by Julie Davis)
Warlock-turned-attorney William Spanner is back in the sixth installment of the strangely long-running Witchcraft franchise.
Previously, William was a defense attorney and then he was an insurance attorney and now, he’s apparently a divorce attorney who occasionally consults with the police on cases involving the occult. In this film, William is played by an actor named Jerry Spicer. This would be the only film in which Spicer would play Spanner. He doesn’t do a bad job in the role. He’s not as memorable as Charles Solomon was in parts two, three, and four but he’s not as boring as Marklen Kennedy was in part five.
When a serial killer starts targeting women who wear cross necklaces, Detectives Lutz (Kurt Alan) and Garner (John E. Holiday) consult with William. Though William is still reluctant to acknowledge his warlock ancestry, it doesn’t take him long to realize that the women are being sacrificed to Satan. Mr. Savatini (Bryan Nutter) has to find a virgin to sacrifice at the next solar eclipse but virgins are hard to find in Los Angeles. So, Savatini has ordered his followers to target any woman wearing a cross, on the chance that she might be religious instead of just fashionable.
Witchcraft VI not only tells us that there aren’t any virgins left in Los Angeles, it also shows us why that is. If nothing else, the success of the Witchcraft series was proof that people, especially people in the 90s, would sit through anything if there was a chance that they would get to see some breasts. Everyone’s getting it on in Witchcraft VI, except for William’s secretary, which means that she’s destined to be the next victim. Unless, of course, William can call upon his powers once again.
Witchcraft VI is dumb, poorly acted, and sloppily directed but it was still a major turning point in the Witchcraft franchise. It introduced the characters of Lutz and Garner and established the idea of William being the police department’s unofficial police consultant. It’s not a bad idea. If not for all of the softcore sex, the Witchcraft films could pass for a TV show. Of course, it wouldn’t be a very good show. Witchcraft VI was another direct-to-video hit so, of course, it was followed by Witchcraft VII.
Through the Shattered Lens