Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime film premiere, Seduced!
Why Was I Watching It?
Because it was on Lifetime, of course! Every Saturday night, I either watch or DVR the new movie on Lifetime. I absolutely and unconditionally love these movies and I don’t care who knows it. Plus, the title of the movie was Seduced and, as we all know, the best Lifetime movies often feature the word “seduce” in the title (i.e., Lethal Seduction, The Babysitter’s Seduction, etc).
What Was It About?
Someone is murdering redheads in California! (Speaking as a redhead, allow me to just say, “Agck!” in regards to that.)
Meanwhile, via a missed connections app, Caroline (Elisabeth Rohm), a redhead who lives in California, meets the mysterious and charming Gavin (Jon Prescott). Caroline is still haunted by the loss of her husband and spends most of her time trying to take care of her teenage daughter (Jessica Amlee) while keeping the company she works for — a place called Funderstorm — from going out of business. However, Gavin takes her away from all that, introducing her to a world of sensual and erotic delight.
(You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for the chance to use “a world of sensual and erotic delight” in a review.)
Gavin seems to be perfect. He’s handsome, he has a sexy accent, he lives in a nice house, he cooks, and he reads books! However, since there is Lifetime, there are a few warning signs that Gavin may not be as great as he seems. For one thing, despite living in an absolutely fabulous house, he always seems to need money. For another, Caroline becomes so enraptured by him that she starts to neglect both work and her daughter. And then there’s the mysterious Margo (Julie Mond), who appears to be involved with Gavin in some way as well.
And, of course, there’s those news reports about the murdered redheads….
What Worked?
I really enjoyed this one. This movie featured everything that we love about Lifetime movies — melodrama, sex, several nice houses, clothes to die for, and even a little bit of empowerment at the end. The entire film was well-cast with Elisabeth Rohm doing a great job as Caroline and Jon Prescott epitomizing dangerous charm as Gavin. And, of course, I also have to praise Julie Mond, who didn’t appear in many scenes but definitely made an impression.
I also really liked the relationship between Caroline and her daughter. Rohm and Jessica Amlee were totally believable as mother and daughter and every detail of their relationship rang true.
What Did Not Work?
It all worked. If you’re into Lifetime movies, this film is for you. If you’re not into Lifetime movies — well, then you probably stopped reading this review a few paragraphs back. And that’s okay, I still love you! Lifetime films are not for everyone but if you enjoy them, you should enjoy Seduced.
“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments
Oh my God, so many of the characters had red hair just like me! It’s just too bad that so many of them ended up getting killed.
Monogram Pictures is mostly remembered today as the home of Bela Lugosi chillers that weren’t too chilling, Charlie Chan mysteries that weren’t so mysterious, and the Bowery Boys peculiar brand of buffoonery. The Poverty Row studio seemed to throw virtually anything at the wall hoping it would stick in order to compete with the major studios of the 1940’s (MGM, 20th Century-Fox, etc). They signed burlesque stripper Ann Corio to a contract, fresh off her appearance in 1941’s SWAMP WOMAN (released by PRC, a studio even more poverty-stricken than Monogram) and concocted a farce titled THE SULTAN’S DAUGHTER, which in spite of itself manages to entertain because of the talented comic actors in the cast.
The opening says it all, as we gaze upon a book titled “Phony Phables”. The Sultan of Araban (Charles Butterworth ) has a daughter named Patra (Miss Corio), who owns all the country’s oil fields. Nazi agents…
Sure looks like the same place from On the Twelfth Day of Christmas and Murder, She Baked: A Plum Pudding Mystery. It may be the same place as in those movies, but I’m not sure. This is North Bay, Ontario you are looking, which is where the film was shot. That’s a step up here since last time they put the title card over a shot of Littleton, New Hampshire.
It looks like these Flower Shop Mystery movies are a thing now. I don’t mind. Especially not when they are written by good old Gary Goldstein. It seems you can always count on a Hallmark film written by Goldstein to have something odd in it. I would love to know if these things are in his scripts and if he does it on purpose, or if it is just a strange coincidence. Regardless, this one is no exception.
The Chicago Cafe has still been changed to the Chicago Bar. Although, you will see Marco (Brennan Elliott) walk around the kitchen of his “bar” carrying groceries. Not sure what that was about. Art On Main has also still been changed to Bloomers Flower Shop via a tarp. It looks fine on her shop, but I don’t get why they bothered with his place. Also, if you go to Google Maps, then you’ll find a Asian character next to the word “Chicago”. I’m guessing that was photoshopped out or the place changed between July 2015 and when they made this. That’s possible seeing as it changed drastically between September 2013 and 2015 according to photos on Google Maps. I lean towards photoshopping because of a scene later, but let’s move on and talk about the movie now.
The movie begins and we get three for the price of one with this screenshot.
First, Abby Knight (Brooke Shields) has been sent money anonymously to deliver black roses to someone. Second, Abby’s assistant Nikki Bender (Kate Drummond) was just reminded she truly works for a nutcase. Turns out Abby already compared the handwriting to signatures on old receipts. She also said she couldn’t get DNA off the envelope flap because it is self-adhesive. That is Nikki’s reaction. That was me when I saw a shot later in this film. Finally, they put the two prominent actors from Degrassi in the same cast listing. But that’s not all!
That’s right! Someone involved with these movies realized they accidentally called it Mills College in the first film. They make sure you know they fixed it. Yes, the plot does revolve around the college, but they show that name a lot. They also have a scene where the news gets the name of the flower shop wrong and they repeatedly yell at the screen to correct them.
We find out that the black roses are for a Bruce Barnes (Daniel Kash) who happens to be the pre-law professor for Abby’s daughter Sydney (Celeste Desjardins). Abby is apparently terrified of him. We also find out that Kenny (Ricardo Hoyos), her TA, is the only thing keeping her in the class. It is pretty cool when your TA is Zig Novak from Degrassi.
Marco now comes in to remind us he still exists. Normally that would be me trying to be funny and cynical, but he seriously only gets in a couple of words before Abby is off and running to the college. Abby runs into an old lawyer friend of hers who teaches at the college. I think this screenshot sums up how much she likes him.
They had some bad experiences in the past. Abby does bring up that up that he “dated and dumped half of [her] friends.” However, I don’t think it helps when one of your answers to that is “I showed every one of your girlfriends a great time, and I would’ve shown you the same, if you’d ever given me a chance.” So, it was all but her that he went out with rather than just half, and he would have shown all of them a “great time.” Good work, pal! No seriously, good job! You made sure no one will care when you are dead. A case they both once worked on that he won is also brought up here to give us information for the ending of the movie.
After talking with her daughter so Sydney can setup a red herring by telling us the guy getting the black roses has famous black pencils, she goes to his office. But first, we have to pass by his secretary to introduce her character and find out there is some obvious friction between her and the professor.
He likes black pencils, is being delivered black roses, and has a black secretary. I totally didn’t spot that while watching the movie. Then we meet Bruce. She winds up calling him a “tool” to Marco, but this site isn’t Hallmark. His character is an asshole. Plain and simple. That’s all you really need to know about him. This is just another setup for Abby to become the prime suspect in the murder that is about to happen. This happens because Abby doesn’t put up with assholes. She decides to turn around outside and go right back to his office after having initially left the building.
Actor Jeff Teravainen has part of a black pencil glued to his chest and isn’t moving. He’s dead. That’s when Abby runs out to get help and I realize just how obvious this film tried to make who the killer is so I’m skipping this part. All you need to know is that no one but Abby was in their with the body. I love how they have Brooke refer to the black roses as “theme roses.” It’s too bad he doesn’t ask what theme. This whole bit is the equivalent of an old murder mystery movie where the detective says the killer is somewhere in this room so nobody leave the house.
She returns to the shop where Marco and Abby have a little back and forth about Abby keeping a “low profile.” Then we find out that this must be the official news station of Hallmark movies…
Then we meet Connor McKay of the Illinois-Eagle Times.
Pat Mastroianni can call himself whatever he wants in this movie, but he will always be…
Degrassi Junior High
in my heart. By the way, between him and actor Ricardo Koyos, that means we have an actor from the first episode of Degrassi-discounting The Kids of Degrassi Street-and an actor from the most recent episode of Degrassi in the same movie together. That’s awesome! Sadly, he’s barely in the movie. Maybe he’ll be a recurring character seeing as the press is bound to keep popping up in these movies.
Now it’s time to vent to Beau Bridges, which also reminds us he exists because he’s gone as fast as Marco. This is followed by another fly over of the actual place they filmed this in. I can’t tell you how refreshing this is after that last few Hallmark movies I watched that pieced together stock footage from all over the place. Along those lines, I give them credit for this too.
Often when a Hallmark movie shows a newspaper or an article online then they just use someone else’s writing. Sometimes they slightly modify it. The first film did it. That’s probably here as well, but they made sure to put this wrapping on it so that I wasn’t able to notice. Good work!
The detective comes in to remind us that Abby had knocked over pencils in the professor’s office earlier so that her fingerprints would be on the one that killed the guy. With his lines done, actor Paulino Nunes makes his exit. He has to get back to beating out other actors for having the highest number of acting credits in a lifetime. He’s a busy man.
Now the suspects board comes out.
I hope you like that board because you will be looking at it and listening to a lot of conversations around it during this movie. Explaining all the info dropped at this board would be really boring. So, let’s laugh at this lady’s shocked look on her face when she sees Abby, who is now famous as a potential murderer, walking on the street.
On the upside for Abby, business has picked up since she has become a prime suspect in a murder. People all want those black “revenge roses”. Nikki says they are “for bad occasions. Arguments, divorces, breakups, just to say ‘I hate you’.” That part is immediately followed by a scene with the detective where Brooke Shields does this after venting about the dead man, which included calling him a “womanizer”.
After Marco and Abby talk to each other, they go on a stakeout like they did in the first movie. This time it’s of the dead guy’s funeral on the ground floor of a building with windows. Marco heads in to scope things out while Abby uses her binoculars. Joey Jeremiah stops by her car to remind us he is still in the movie before leaving again. In here Marco gets in a conversation with the dead guy’s wife so I can be proven wrong part way through writing this review. Turns out it’s “Chicago Bar and Grill”. He even calls it a restaurant. This only leaves me more confused. We can clearly see neighboring businesses have their real names. Well, they did seem to remove where it says “Lingerie & Luxuries” on Cintra May’s, which is next door to his Bar and Grill, but still. I guess they thought it would constitute official endorsement, or maybe that’s what it was called in the book. I don’t know.
We are also reminded that Barnes is a jerk to his secretary. Kenny also shows up to the funeral to again remind us he is in the movie still. I really think this movie wanted you to constantly think that it had to be one of the actors from Degrassi since they are kind of on the periphery of all the action. Heck, Joey is actually seen in the background looking in Abby’s flower shop in the dark at one point. We also learn that Kenny was real friendly with a guy who was involved in a case awhile back.
Board time!
Abby goes and talks with Kenny who mentions some internship that the dead guy supposedly secured him. He also mentions that the dead guy had just split up with a woman so that we suspect the secretary.
This is when Kelly Taylor popped up to tell me it’s time to dance.
I will not! I looked through a bunch of episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 to find an onscreen writing credit for Gary Goldstein to include here, but failed. I’m not happy. Help me, Beau!
Yeah, but I’m not supposed to eat ice cream anymore. However, we’ve now reached the point where you have the setup of this film. I could take you through the rest, but it would be me regurgitating their mulling over the board and getting information to add to that board by talking to people. It’s as boring as it sounds.
My final thoughts are these. They dropped the extra guy who was in the first one. That’s a plus. Another plus is that they didn’t have to do any setup so we could cut right to Marco and Abby solving a mystery. However, I swear I remember more snappy screwball comedy back and forth between them in the first film, and it just isn’t here. Luckily, we do have another one of these films coming in June. Gary seemed to try to improve between the first and second, so maybe the third one will bring in more of that kind of dialogue. Also, the board thing really gets annoying. It didn’t help to organize the facts, but seemed to just confuse me more. Maybe that was the intention. Regardless, I can’t recommend this one even if it did have Pat Mastroianni in it who I really hope will be playing a recurring character.
Now, if you want to know who did it, then scroll past this picture of another fine moment of Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High. This was back when he was probably small enough that Brooke Shields could have easily broken him in half. He’s really tiny in that first episode.
There are no songs to include this time so you can stop here.
Okay, here you go. Kenny did it. He had worked on a case with the guy who was killed. A case Abby was on back when she worked as a lawyer. He wasn’t given the credit for his work. Kenny wanted to get away from his father. His father bribed the dead guy to not give Kenny a clerkship far away since he wanted him to take over the family business. Kenny saw an opportunity to kill the professor and blame it on Abby. He made sure to do it before the dead professor sent out any of the letters about the job. That way he could arrange to get it himself. Thus, he would escape his father.
Not too satisfying of an ending. Not too satisfying of a mystery. Not too satisfying of a movie. Skip this one.
Greetings, fellow lovers of movies and cats! So, Jeff and I just saw the new comedy, Keanu. It’s the first film to star the quickly-becoming legendary comedy team of Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele and it’s full of the type of humor that made their Comedy Central show, Key & Peele, such a success. Perhaps even more importantly, the film stars an amazingly adorable little kitten!
You’ve seen the trailer, right? You know how, when Peele first holds up his new kitten, Key immediately starts laughing and says, “Oh my God, that’s the cutest cat I’ve ever seen in my life!?” Well, he’s not lying. While I don’t think any cat is cuter than that one that I live with, Keanu the Kitten is definitely the cutest cat that I’ve ever seen in a movie.
Add to that, this kitten can act! When this kitten stares, you truly believe that he’s listening to the dialogue being exchanged. When he runs through a gunfight while bullets fly around him, you truly believe that this kitten is running for his life and you breathe a sigh of relief when he survives. When he meows, your heart melts with each squeaky sound. This is one amazingly talented kitten!
And it’s not surprising the everyone in the film wants Keanu. The 17th Street Blips (led by Method Man and created as the result of a merger between the Bloods and the Crips) not only want Keanu but they want to rename him New Jack as well. Their rival (played by Luis Guzman) wants Keanu and plans to rename him Eglesias. Two mysterious assassins — the much feared, very sadistic, and always silent Allentown Boys — want Keanu too. Since they don’t speak, they never say what they want to name him but it would probably be something cool.
And what really makes the film work is that none of them have a reason for wanting Keanu beyond the fact that he is literally the cutest kitten in Los Angeles. This film is full of dangerous and violent people but all of them love this cat. Everyone wants Keanu.
Well, I should say that everyone wants Keanu except for Anna Faris, who plays herself. All Anna Faris wants is a chance to do the latest designer drug, Holy Shit. (“It’s like smoking crack with God!” Method Man explains.) It’s probably a good thing that Anna Faris doesn’t want a cat because, as this movie reveals, she also has a potentially dangerous fascination with sharp swords and playing truth or dare.
Of course, Keanu technically belongs to Rell (Jordan Peele). They say that cats chose their owners and Keanu definitely does that when he shows up outside of Rell’s house. Rell has just been dumped by his girlfriend and existence has no meaning for him. But once Keanu shows up, Rell again learns to embrace life. He spends two weeks taking pictures of Keanu reenacting scenes from classic movies. But when the 17th Street Blips break into his house, mistakenly thinking that Rell has a supply of Holy Shit, they take Keanu for themselves.
Rell and his cousin Clarence (Keegan-Michael Key) team up to track down and retrieve Keanu from the Blips but there’s a problem. Rell may brag about growing up in New York and Clarence may have stories about his childhood on the streets of Detroit but both of them are painfully out-of-place in the violent world of Blips and Anna Faris. (Clarence is obsessed with George Michael while Rell “sounds like John Ritter all the time.”) Fortunately, Rell and Clarence happen to look exactly like the Allentown Boys. Method Man makes a deal with them. If Rell and Clarence — who are now going by the names TekTonic and Sharktank — train the Blips then he will give them Keanu.
(Method Man’s character is actually named Cheddar. Jeff just pointed out to me that Method Man previously played a character named Cheese on The Wire.)
While Rell struggles to fit in with the Blips, the nominally more straight-laced Clarence (who, unlike Rell, doesn’t even smoke weed) is soon having the time of his life. It turns out that Clarence specializes in corporate team building and he’s excited to introduce these techniques to Blips. (During one shootout, Clarence proudly announces, “They’re communicating!”)
Admittedly, Keanu is an uneven film. It’s essentially a collection skits and some of them are funnier than others. However, Key and Peele both bring so much commitment to bringing this insane story to life that they literally carry the audience over the occasional rough spot. It may not be perfect but it’s a film that announces that, whether on TV or in the movies, Key & Peele are a comedic force to be reckoned with.
Plus, that kitten is so damn cute!
(And, in case you were wondering, Keanu Reeves does make an appearance of sorts.)
This film is 90 minutes of laughter and that’s certainly something that we all need right now! See Keanu!
(Since you’ve probably already seen the trailer for Keanu — here it is, if you haven’t — let’s close this review with some exclusive audition footage.)
About a month ago, for reasons that I’m sure made sense at the time, I decided it would be fun to watch and review all 50 of the films included in Mill Creek’s Fabulous Forties box set. If you know anything Mill Creek box sets, then you won’t be surprised to learn that the majority of these 50 films are public domain B-movies. A few of them have been good, a few of them have been bad, and a few of them have been forgettable.
I have to admit that, as much as I love watching old movies, there’s a part of me that’s more than ready to move onto the next Mill Creek box set, the Nifty Fifties. But, before I do that, I have to finish up the Forties. Fortunately, I just watched the 25th film included in the Fabulous Forties and I am happy to say that I am now halfway done with this project! Yay!
As for the film itself, it’s a 63-minute film from 1941. Though it was later retitled Drums of Africa, it was originally called Jungle Man.
As for what Jungle Man is about … well, it’s mostly about stock footage.
There is kind of a plot. Wealthy Bruce (Weldon Heyburn) and his friend Alex (Robert Carson) want to go to Africa so that they can see the legendary City of the Dead. Bruce’s fiancée, Betty (Sheila Darcy), decides to accompany them because she wants to visit her brother (Charles Middleton), a missionary. Once they get to Africa, they also meet a doctor (Buster Crabbe) who is trying to find a cure for a fever that is wiping out the native population.
But really, the plot is mostly just an excuse for stock footage. We watch as our explorers walk down a jungle trail. Someone says, “Look up in that tree!” We cut to grainy footage of a monkey in a tree. Cut back to everyone looking upward. Cut back to that monkey in the tree. Suddenly, we hear a roar on the soundtrack. Cut to slightly less grainy footage of a tiger running through a field. Cut back to the explorers saying, “Look out, tiger!” Cut back to the monkey climbing up higher in the tree.
(Of course, tigers don’t live in Africa but that’s just the type of film this is!)
Even when our heroes finally reach the City of the Dead, we don’t actually see them walking around the city. Instead, we see them staring into the distance and then immediately cut to some still shots of what Wikipedia identifies as being Cambodia’s Angkor Wat. Of course, no attempt is really made to match any of the shots. If Jungle Man was made today, they could just CGI the Hell out of it. But since it was made in 1941, audiences had to suspend their disbelief and accept shots that didn’t particularly match up with any other shots and a storyline that was pretty much determined by whatever stock footage the producers had available.
On the plus side, it’s only 60 minutes long and some of the stock footage is fun, particularly if you like cute monkeys or fierce tigers. For the most part, it’s silly but inoffensive.
And you can watch it below!
(I should admit that, as I watched it, I kept thinking about those GEICO commercials where Jane and Tarzan are lost in the jungle and Tarzan refuses to ask for directions. “Tarzan know where Tarzan go.” “No, Tarzan does not know where Tarzan go. Excuse me, do you know where the waterfall is? The waterfall?”)
The 24th film in Mill Creek’s Fabulous Forties box set was the 1949 British comedy, Passport to Pimlico! Even though Passport to Pimlico is very much a British film (for instance, I had to use Wikipedia to discover the Pimlico is a neighborhood in London) and definitely a product of its time, it’s still a film that felt very relevant to some of the things that all of us in America are dealing with today. If nothing else, Passport to Pimlico is definitely more memorable than Freckles Comes Home.
Passport to Pimlico opens in London. World War II may be over but the city is still in the process of rebuilding. War-time rationing is still in effect and all the residents of Pimlico regularly have to deal with the endless red tape of bureaucracy. As well, there’s still unexploded German bombs littered around the neighborhood. When a group of local children accidentally blow one of those bombs up, it leads to the discovery of a previously hidden cellar. Inside the cellar is everything you could hope to find in a mysterious room: artwork, jewelry, and coins. There’s also a parchment from the 15th Century, in which the king of England ceded the neighborhood to the final Duke of Burgundy. Because no one knew that the charter existed, it has also never been revoked. As a result, all of the citizens of Pimlico are actually citizens of dukedom of Burgundy.
That means two things: First off, the citizens are legally required to live under the laws of Burgundy, despite the fact that the dukedom no longer exists and those laws haven’t been changed since the 1400s. Secondly, the neighborhood is no longer governed by the restrictive bureaucracy of postwar Britain. In short, Pimlico — or Burgundy, as it is now called — is a free and independent state.
Soon, the nation of Burgundy is being overrun by greedy businessmen and enthusiastic shoppers. The British respond by surrounding Burgundy with barbed wire and announcing that no one may cross the border. The Burgundians react by demanding that anyone riding the underground through their country have a passport or run the risk being kicked off the train.
And things only escalate from there. The British government is desperate to put Burgundy in its place while the citizens of Burgundy are determined to maintain their independence. If Passport to Pimlico were made today, this is probably one of those situations that would either end in tragedy or with everyone learning not to question the whims of the government. Fortunately, Passport to Pimlico was made in 1949 and, as a result, it is a genuinely warm-hearted comedy that celebrates both individual freedom and patriotism.
And really, it’s an enjoyable little film. The cast is full of British character actors, all of whom deliver their dialogue with just the right amount of snark. I enjoyed it and I have to admit that I related to it a bit. As I look at America today and I think about what it’s going to be like in 2017 (regardless of who wins the presidential election because, let’s be honest, they all suck), there’s a part of me that would love a chance to get out of this country and be a Burgundian.
Seriously, come 2017, I’m seceding!
Until then, I guess I can just watch Passport to Pimlico.
The 23rd film in Mill Creek’s Fabulous Forties box set was an hour-long “comedy” from 1942. The name of the film was Freckles Comes Home and I have to admit that I’m struggling to come up with anything to say about it. That’s the thing about these Mill Creek box sets. Occasionally, you’ll come across a really good movie and, even more frequently, you’ll come across a really bad movie. But often times, you find yourself watching filler. If I had to guess, Freckles Comes Home was probably a movie that was made to act as the 2nd half of a double feature. Not much money nor effort was put into it. It’s not terrible and it’s certainly not good. It’s just sort of there.
With a title like Freckles Comes Home, I was expecting this movie would be about a lost dog but it turns out that I was wrong. Freckles (played by Johnny Downs) is a human being. He’s returning home from college because a friend of his has inherited some real estate and isn’t sure what to do about it. While sitting on the bus home, Freckles spends so much time talking about how much he loves his hometown that the man sitting next to him decides that maybe he’ll make that town his home as well. Unfortunately, that man is Muggsy Dolan (Walter Sande). As you would expect with a name like Muggsy, Dolan is a criminal on the run.
Back in town, Freckles attempts to convince his father not to build a road that will go through his friend’s property. He also romantically pursues a childhood friend named Jane (Gale Storm), despite the fact that everyone insists that Jane can do better than Freckles. (Personally, I was wondering why — in the year 1942 — a young man like Freckles wasn’t overseas, fighting for his country. DON’T YOU KNOW THERE’S A WAR ON, FRECKLES!?) Meanwhile, Muggsy is plotting to rob the town bank…
And then there’s Jeff (Mantan Moreland), who is the porter at the local hotel. Jeff thinks that he has a machine that will allow him to find buried gold. And since Jeff is an African-American in a 1940s film, it’s impossible to watch the way the movie treats him without cringing. There’s a few scenes where Moreland, as an actor, subtly suggests that Jeff is smarter than the movie gives him credit for and certainly, Moreland’s performance is the most memorable in the film but that really doesn’t make the role any less demeaning.
Anyway, Freckles Comes Home was largely forgettable. I assume that audiences in the 1940s may have enjoyed it (especially if it was included on a double bill with a more interesting movie) but, seen today, there’s just not that much to be said about it. It exists, it’s something of a time capsule, and that’s pretty much all there is to say about it.
For nearly a month now, I’ve been making my way through the 50 films included in Mill Creek’s Fabulous Forties box set. Like most Mill Creek box sets, the Fabulous Forties is full of public domain films. Some of them are surprisingly good and some of them are surprisingly bad. And then there are others that are somewhere right in the middle of bad and good. These are films that may not be great works of cinematic art but, at the very least, they serve as a time capsule of the period in which they were made.
The 22nd film in the Fabulous Forties box set, 1948’s Adventures of Gallant Bess, is just such a film. Obviously made to appeal to family audiences, Adventures of Gallant Bess tells a fairly predictable story. Cowboy Ted Daniels (a youngish Cameron Mitchell) captures a wild mustang named Bess. Ted and Bess soon become inseparable but, during a visit to the local town, Bess gets riled up and destroys a few cars. Ted is told that he has to pay for the cars but he doesn’t have any money. So, he enters the local rodeo.
However, the rodeo is operated by the evil Bud Millerick (James Millican) and Bud wants Bess for his own. So, he arranges for Ted’s leg to be broken by a bull. Injured and unable to work, Ted is forced to sell his beloved Bess to Bud. Once Ted recovers, he discovers that Bud is abusing Bess and forcing her to perform in a demeaning rodeo show. What’s a cowboy to do but steal back his horse?
You can probably guess everything that happens in Adventures of Gallant Bess just from reading the plot description but it’s still a pretty likable film. Bess is a wonderful horse and there’s something oddly endearing about the obviously cheap sets and the often melodramatic performances. Cameron Mitchell, of course, is best known for appearing in films like Blood and Black Lace, The Toolbox Murders, The Demon, The Swarm, and Space Mutiny, so it’s definitely interesting to see him playing a simple and honest cowboy here.
(It’s actually difficult to recognize Mitchell until he smiles. Once you see that smirk, you know exactly who is playing Ted Daniels.)
Adventures of Gallant Bess was filmed in color, which was a big deal in 1948. Seen today, it is so saturated with color (and so obviously filmed on sound stages) that the movie actually looks like a live action cartoon. Seen today, it’s perhaps a little too easy to be dismissive of this old-fashioned film but I imagine that, in the 40s, it was quite a fun movie to watch.
Okay, let’s get them out of the way right up front. If you felt burned by Chance at Romance, then take a chance on Love by Chance. That’s the first joke that came to mind when I heard the title of this movie. Lucky for me, it turned out to be accurate. This is one of the best Hallmark movies I’ve seen so far. I am up to 168 at the time of writing this. The other thing is this opening piece of stock footage.
They cut to that right after a shot of the space needle, which told us this is supposed to be Seattle. There’s no way someone realistically would notice this while watching the movie, but I did when I went over my screenshots to write this review. Look at the street signs. I’m pretty sure this is stock footage from China. Either that, or it’s a Chinatown somewhere. Those street signs have Chinese characters on them and the Romanized version of those characters. I looked where they got their stock footage for this film and couldn’t find it.
Now let’s talk about the movie.
The movie opens up by reminding us that pastries exist before teasing long time Hallmark fans as to whether they can figure out if the bakery is using the same set as the kitchen from the Murder, She Baked series. It isn’t. This one is much larger whereas the kitchen in that series always felt surprisingly claustrophobic in its size. During this we are introduced to our secondary lady of the film named Claire Michaels played by Beau Garrett.
That’s right! I said secondary. This isn’t really her movie and how she ends up with Eric Carlton played by Benjamin Ayres. Hallmark knew this. It’s Brenda Strong that they interviewed on Home & Family to plug this movie, not Beau Garrett. I don’t watch the show, but this always pops up during the credits of these movies. They tease a talk with the star of the movie that you just watched.
Brenda Strong plays the mom named Helen Michaels. Despite her being in a lot of stuff over the years people probably still remember her best from the couple of episodes of Seinfeld she was is in back in the 90s as Sue Ellen Mischke. Since I don’t have that particular season of Seinfeld, you are stuck being reminded that she was in the lousy film The Leisure Class last year.
The Leisure Class (2015, dir. Jason Mann)
Or I’m sure if Lisa could, then she would have me insert a Degrassi animated GIF to describe just how much she disliked that movie.
By the way, along with Bridget Regan who was in The Magic Stocking, that makes two actors from The Leisure Class who were also in Hallmark movies in the past year.
The other main actor in this film is Brenda Strong’s husband Sam Michaels played by actor Garwin Sanford.
You have no idea how much it bothered me trying to remember where I knew this guy from. I sometimes wish Hallmark would popup a thing on the screen that would say, “Here’s where you might know such and such actor from.” In his case, he played Narim on Stargate SG-1.
He was kind of the humans go between guy with one of the very advanced races the team encountered along with the Tokra, The Nox, and The Asgard. The difference was that the Tollan were incredibly arrogant, isolationist, and thought their superior technology meant they were automatically safe from any threat. They were practically offended at the idea that someone would say they might be in trouble. In the end, their race was brutally wiped out.
Stargate SG-1
With Garwin Sanford showing up in this movie, that makes at least two major/very memorable side characters who have shown up in Hallmark movies from Stargate SG-1 in the past month with Michael Shanks being in Hearts of Spring. I especially bring up Sanford’s role on that show because if you do remember him from that series, then know that he plays the husband in a similar fashion. In Stargate SG-1 he was level-headed, kind, charming, had a bit of a child-like wonder about things, and a great deal of maturity about him and the way he spoke. That’s him in this movie to Brenda Strong’s nutty matchmaking mother. Whereas in that he was that to Amanda Tapping who incidentally was named Samantha, but was always called Sam. I’m sure that’s not a coincidence on Hallmark’s part that his name in this movie is Sam.
The parents are so much the center of attention of the movie here that I am going to kind of treat this like a Godfrey Ho movie. If you already have heard me explain what that means in another review, then you feel free to skip over this explanation. Ho was a director in Asia who popularized the cut and paste technique of filmmaking. He would take old or unreleased films from the region, shoot some footage with caucasian actors, then clumsily spliced them together. In reviewing his films, it’s common practice to review each set of footage separately, while occasionally mentioning how the two unrelated plots are connected. Sometimes you will even find the caucasian footage on YouTube edited out of the other original film. That’s how I’m going to review this movie. I’m mainly just going to tell the story as if the whole thing plays on the parents side with some minor connections to the other story since that’s really how it is.
The film opens up and meet Mom walking outside with a confidence as if she is going to break into the theme song from That Girl before coming into her daughter’s bakery
She really tries to set up her daughter. She even just gave out her phone number to a guy. She is holding a party at her daughter’s bakery so that she can attempt to set her up again while also trying to help out her business.
At the party Mom is trying to explain to her daughter who this man is that she called out of the blue. This is also when we find out Mom and Dad are about to go globetrotting. At least that’s the plan. Enter Dad!
A little side thing to mention. The actor on the right in the picture below, named John Cassini, is excellent in this.
He’s one of those quality characters actors that can make a big difference in a movie. His character’s name is Marco and is the daughter’s close friend at the bakery.
The attempt at matchmaking continues from the party into the kitchen. After complimenting her on her smile and sealing the deal on her going on a date with a guy, she gives a smile herself that either says, “that’s my daughter!” or, “I’m going to kill you in your sleep.”
I love Brenda Strong in this.
I gotta give it to this first guy she goes out with. He’s kind enough to realize that she is going to need a lot of wine to get through his boring story.
At home, Mom and Dad are having a conversation about their daughter finding love. While Mom is preoccupied with finding her daughter a lover, he is wondering what ever happened to them spending their retirement together. That will be the main part of this story. The Mom becoming so obsessed that the Dad all but up and quits the idea of going to Italy. If he were an idiot he would have even thought she was cheating on him at one point.
Now Mom goes too far and signs up her daughter on a dating website. I know it’s a Hallmark cliche, but this may be the first Hallmark movie since The Color of Rain that I’ve seen what I am quite sure is Linux showing up in a Hallmark movie.
Who cares that the URL isn’t quite right because it’s Brenda Strong using Linux! That’s awesome.
We also have the return of the use of IMDb publicity photos within the movie.
Mom actually sets up a date with this guy. No, I don’t mean that she tells her daughter to meet with this guy. I mean that she actually meets with the guy at a bar and tries to sell him on her idea of meeting her daughter. I love when he asks her if she’s done this before. You’d expect an answer like, “No, but I’m desperate to find her someone.” Nope! She just casually mentions that she has done it twice already before continuing with her pitch as if there is nothing unusual going on. Luckily, the fact that the camera keeps cutting behind these things…
doesn’t prevent the guy on the right from jumping in. That’s Dr. Eric Carlton (Benjamin Aryes). He’s actually there waiting for someone, but she’s called away on the grounds that this is a Hallmark movie as soon as she shows up. After telling him that “Doctor Gorgeous” isn’t for him, she gives him his card and actor Benjamin Ayres gives us a great look on his face.
He tries to pass this off to “Doctor Gorgeous” as her just being a real estate agent. Ha! Mom isn’t going to be dissuaded by any of this.
Mom shows up the next day at his practice, it turns out the secretary/nurse knows her, and she immediately uses that to coerce him into going to get coffee with her. Cue Benjamin’s face!
Just as he’s leaving, a colleague of his says out loud, “Why can’t I ever meet older, married women?”
This is when Mom goes into full real estate agent/matchmaker mode. She actually convinces him here, and this sales pitch continues outside.
It’s about here where we find out that at least part of this movie was filmed in Maple Ridge, British Columbia. I think that’s a new one on me for a Hallmark movie.
Mom has invited him to a fundraising gig to meet her daughter. The fundraiser is being held at a gallery that is actually at 3045 Granville St, Vancouver, BC V6H 3J6, Canada.
After Mom tries to pry her daughter for some details, Mom and him meet again to talk.
Turns out he likes the daughter, but has a little problem. That problem being her mother. Think that’s gonna stop her?
After a short conversation between Mom, Dad, and their daughter we discover something.
That’s right! While this film is going on,…
I Do, I Do, I Do (2015, dir. Ron Oliver)
Autumn Reeser is about to enter her own version of Groundhog Day and…
Hearts of Spring (2016, dir. Marita Grabiak)
Lisa Whelchel is about to enter the Mommy Blogger’s Convention.
This building is clearly the romantic nexus of Hallmark films.
Now Dad is starting to get really confused about what happened to them enjoying their retirement.
Mom meets with Eric again and tells him that it has to be her to tell the daughter she set this up. Mom now tries to find a way to tell her daughter by setting up a shopping trip with her. Dad is getting more fed up with all of this.
On this trip, the daughter drops into the conversation that one of the things she loves about her new relationship is that “somehow we found each other.” She says it’s just “like you and Dad.” Of course, it will turn out that it was no chance Mom met Dad either. Another great look from Brenda Strong that sums up her character at this point quite nicely.
Now Mom and Dad have a conversation over a map of Italy. This is probably the most adult and realistic conversation you’ll hear in a Hallmark movie.
While Brenda Strong has the majority of the scenes in this movie, Garwin Sanford plays every single one of his scenes perfectly.
Mom has a heart to heart with Eric, but this is where things go really wrong…sort of. The Uncle (Peter Graham-Gaudreau) of the family sees Mom and Eric on a bridge talking, snaps a photo, and goes to Dad with it. Dad is preoccupied at first with a fountain that looked smaller online, but then he hears the Uncle out. To which we get this.
He immediately goes to the computer and finds out that his wife set up their daughter on a dating website. How it was all just sitting there instantly waiting to be discovered or why she was looking at dating profiles for a guy named George who is using location manager Braden Jennings’ picture or Producer, Cinematographer, and owner of Bass Tracks films Stefan Berrill going under the name of Neal, we are never told. Dad goes and has a long talk with Mom. She confesses that she kind of setup their meeting up too. It’s sweet and all, but he knows that their daughter might not see what she did so nicely the way he does concerning their meeting. However, at the end of the day they still are a long married couple that loves each other so the real outcome of their talk is that the both agree the fountain really is big.
Mom and Dad now make a full confession to the daughter. I love that one of the daughter’s responses is “Ok, so he witnessed your insanity and he still thought it was a good idea to meet your daughter?”
We now discover where the bakery is in real life.
It’s Mc Burney Coffee & Tea House at 20504 Fraser Hwy, Langley, BC V3A 4G3, Canada. Hallmark really likes shooting in Langley. If you are curious, the restaurant from Appetite For Love is just a little east along Fraser Highway from this place.
Mom has a talk with Eric, then a nice talk with Dad. They are okay, and Mom agrees to back off.
In the end, the young couple forgives all of these issues and kisses.
Meanwhile! Yes, the daughter has had her own plot this whole time. While Mom, Dad, and Eric were doing their thing and having a few scenes with the daughter, Claire and her friend Marco have been trying to prepare for a restaurant critic named The Wandering Gourmet. They mistake several people for this critic. They fuss about it. Of course that works out too.
If you’re coming to this movie to see yet another young love film with the parents played by quality actors pushed into the background, then go elsewhere. The movie is a story about a woman who is going to be leaving to go to Italy with her husband, but feels this unbearable feeling that she can’t leave without knowing her daughter has found love. In the end, she lets go of it. Of course the love thing has to work out cause it’s Hallmark, but it could have just as easily ended without that part. I think I’ve mentioned just about everyone here, but you might be wondering how Beau Garrett’s performance is here. She’s perfectly fine. There’s just not much for her to do so it’s not a performance to really judge her on. You are watching this movie for Brenda Strong, Garwin Sanford, Benjamin Ayres, and John Cassini in a good supporting role. It’s their film.
Shock opens with a young housewife named Jane Stewart (Anabel Shaw) waking from a dream, getting out of bed, looking out a window, and seeing something rather serious happening in the house next door. A man and a woman are arguing. Though Jane doesn’t recognize the man, horror fans will immediately realize that he’s Vincent Price, without a mustache. As Jane watches, the man beats the woman to death. When Jane’s husband, Lt. Paul Stewart (Frank Latimore), returns home, he discovers that Jane is in a catatonic state.
Paul calls the local cranky physician, Dr. Harvey (Charles Trowbridge), to the house. Dr. Harvey takes one look at Jane and announces, “She’s in shock!” (YAY! WE HAVE A TITLE!) Paul looks confused so Dr. Harvey goes on to explain, “She’s had a great shock.” Unfortunately, Dr. Harvey is not trained to deal with shock but he knows someone who is. That man’s name is Dr. Richard Cross.
Soon Dr. Cross shows up and — OH MY GOD, IT’S VINCENT PRICE! That’s right — Dr. Cross not only caused Jane’s shock but now he’s going to treat it! Or is he? Though Dr. Cross claims to be wracked with guilt over the murder, his nurse, Elaine Jordan (Lynn Bari), is less concerned about it. In fact, since Elaine is also his mistress, she’s rather happy that Dr. Cross has murdered his wife. Now, she just has to convince him to murder Jane before she recovers from her shock.
(Interestingly enough, Dr. Cross’s plan involves treating Jane with insulin shock therapy, which would seem to indicate that Dr. Cross has seen Dr. Kildare’s Strange Case too many times.)
I had high hopes for Shock, largely because of the presence of Vincent Price. From what I’ve read, the box office success of Shock changed the course of Price’s career. Before Shock, Price was a character actor who occasionally got a good supporting role. After Shock, he was transformed into the horror icon who we all know and love today. Shock was the first time that Price was cast in the type of mad scientist role that would later become his trademark. For that reason, Shock has an important place in the history of cinematic terror.
But, unfortunately, Shock itself is kind of forgettable. It’s pretty much your standard thriller, one that makes the mistake of revealing Price’s villainy from the start. (It would have been far more effective if the film tried to shock us with the realization that Price is the bad guy.) It’s always fun to watch Vincent Price in a movie but he actually gives a rather subdued performance here and, as a result, he’s not as much fun as he would be in his later films. In other words, Shock is no House On Haunted Hill.
That said, Shock is definitely a piece of film history and, as such, it’s worth watching. And here it is:
