To be honest, I initially assumed that this song was literally saying “Kill the Lonely” as in lonely people. Watching the video, I assumed that the idea was that Amanda Tenfjord had been kidnapped by some sort of extremely hyperactive cult and they were brainwashing her by forcing her to take part in calisthenics. From what I’ve read, it appears that’s how most cults get started. Myself, I could never join a cult because the whole communal living thing would get on my nerves and I don’t think I would be able to focus enough to make much money selling trinkets on a street corner. That may just be me.
I guess what I’m saying is that I wouldn’t want anyone to end up like Little Ice here:
However, it appears that my morbid interpretation of this song was, as usual, incorrect. Apparently, this song is all about killing the loneliness that might be lurking within you and one way to do that is to hang out in the desert with a bunch of happy looking friends.
And I guess that could be a solution. Personally, it wouldn’t work for me because I’m not a fan of the desert and I can only be around enthusiastic people for so long. In my case, I would never cheer myself up by taking part in a group hug. Instead, I’d curl up on the couch and read a true crime book while TCM played in the background. To me, that’s how you kill any and all sadness.
To be honest, I thought that someone had already done a remake of Black Christmas but I guess we’re getting a new one. Maybe it’s going to become a new holiday tradition. Every year, we’ll get a new Black Christmas and we can go to the theater and all yell out, “The call is coming from inside the house!” at the same time.
And you know what? I think that’ll bring people together. I mean, we can only spend so much time hoping that the MCU will continue to bring filmgoers together. Myself, I’ve been a bit disenchanted ever since Natasha died in Avengers: Endgame and the fact that the most charming member of the MCU has apparently been taken out of the MCU and sent back to Sony kind of makes me wonder if perhaps the MCU’s glory days might be over with.
My point is, we need a new franchise to bring us together and an annual remake of Black Christmas might just be what Doctor Strange ordered.
Anyway, here’s the latest trailer for Black Christmas, which will be released on December 13th. Hopefully, somebody in Hollywood learned a lesson from the mismarketing of David Fincher’s version of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and they won’t advertise this as being the “Feel Bad Movie Of The Holidays.”
(Yes, 8 years later and I’m still bitter about that.)
This was one of the first Britney Spears videos to feature what would become a oft-visited theme in her videography: the desire to escape the paparazzi, relax, and dance. This video finds Britney finding safety in an abandoned warehouse, which is the type of thing that’s kind of worrying to see. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that it’s never a good idea to go inside an abandoned warehouse, especially when you’re young and alone.
For instance, in college, I was fascinated by this deserted building that was sitting in the middle of the campus. Apparently, the building used to be a dorm but, for whatever reason, it was closed down and then used to store furniture and what appeared to be damaged text books. There were big chain locks on the door and weeds growing up all around it. It was so strange, this creepy building sitting in the middle of our otherwise bland campus.
My friends and I would often go down to that abandoned building at 3 in the morning, just so we could look in through the windows and see if we could spot any zombies or serial killers. We never did, though we screamed at every shadow. Though we often talked about breaking into the building and exploring, we never did. I didn’t believe in ghosts but I knew they’d suddenly exist if I entered that building.
I mean, it’s just common sense!
Luckily, Britney’s dancers follow her into the warehouse and presumably scared off whatever ghosts may have been haunting the place. That, of course, allows this horror movie to turn into a dance party! Yay!
When he was just a child, Anton Shaw disappeared, the victim of an apparent kidnapping. He was missing for days until he was found with little memory of where he had been or who had abducted him. He’s haunted by dreams of his mother being taken away from him, her farewell cry of “Adieu,” ringing in his mind.
As an adult, Anton (played by Tony Eusoff) is a private investigator, working in Kuala Lampur, Malaysia. He’s not a particularly successful detective. In fact, as the film begins, it seems like he spends more time reading old paperback novels about other detectives than doing any investigating of his own. Even as an adult, he’s haunted by dreams and random flashes of memories, all linking back to the trauma that he suffered as a child.
When Anton is hired to investigate the disappearance of a college student named Lumya (Jurias Hartman), he soon finds himself plunging into the underworld of Kuala Lampur. Everyone from Lumya’s dance instructor to her art teacher seems to have something to hide and, for once, Anton’s problem is not having enough options but instead having too many. Everyone seems as if they may have had something to do with Lumya’s disappearance and the more that Anton digs, the more he finds himself obsessing on his own disappearance. Could these two mysteries somehow be linked?
While Anton investigates, he also reads a book. The book, with is credited to no author and no publisher, appears to be a choose your own adventure-type book from the 1980s and the choices that it asks the reader to make are unmistakably similar to the choices that Anton will have to make to solve not only Lumya’s mystery but his own as well. Does the book hold the answers to Anton’s questions or is both his disappearance and Lumya’s destined to just be another unsolved mystery in a world that’s full of them?
Shadowplay is a wonderfully surreal mystery from director Tony Pietra Arjuna. Tempting as it may be to call Shadowplay a film noir, perhaps a better label would be neon noir. The city of Kula Lampur is definitely one of the stars of the film with, Arjuna capturing the urban landscape with its mix of beauty and danger. The neon of the city glows in each scene, adding a progressively more and more menacing tint to each chapter of Anton’s story. When Anton’s investigation leads him to a bar, Ich bin ein Berliner glows, in purple lettering, from a wall, a reminder that all things will ultimately be commercialized. Towards the end of the film, when Anton meets some very bad people, the neon gives off a red glow that warns us of the blood that will soon be spilled. Throughout it all, the synthpop score (provided by Stellar Dreams) pulses in the background, adding to the film’s dream-like feel.
Shadowplay is a film that keeps you off-balance. It’s a film that keeps you wondering what’s real and what is just a fragment of memory or a figment of imagination. It’s a film that welcomes a second viewing, just so you can pick up on the clues that you might have missed the first time around. In the lead role, Tony Eusoff makes Anton into a sympathetic character and, even as the film grows progressively more surreal, the sincerity of his performance keeps you watching. You want to know what’s going on in his mind. You want to know the answers to his questions and the solutions to his mysteries.
Playing out like a filmed dream, Shadowplay is an existential journey worth taking. It’s played in some theaters and is currently available on VOD. I watched it on Vimeo.
But mama I’m in love with a criminal And this type of love isn’t rational, it’s physical Mama please don’t cry, I will be alright All reason aside I just can’t deny, I love the guy
Well, seriously, can you blame her? By showing us who she was with before she hooked up with the title character, the video for Britney Spears’s Criminal leaves little doubt that Britney made the right choice. To be honest, that prologue makes the entire video and, especially when you consider the way that she’s been treated in real life, there’s something deeply satisfying about seeing Britney kick that jerk in the balls.
Britney’s co-star in the video was her then-boyfriend, Jason Trawick. It was Britney’s idea to cast Trawick in the role and the director has said that he originally wasn’t enthused about the idea as Trawick was a former agent with little acting experience. However, I think Trawick did alright. The fact that he and Britney already had chemistry helped and, if nothing else, he’s not Kevin Federline.
This video was shot in the Stoke Newington district of London. Apparently, there was some controversy because, at one point, Britney is seen holding a revolver and some locals felt that was insensitive given the district’s history of rioting. Honestly, though, if you’re dating a criminal, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll end up holding a gun at some point. Southern girls understand.
Remember that whole Mayan calendar thing that we kept hearing about from 2009 to 2012?
Basically, some people interpreted an ancient Mayan calendar as saying that the world was going to end in December of 2012 and, of course, there were people who believed that it had to be true. Of course, back then, you could still make jokes on twitter without some self-righteous dumbfug attempting to “cancel” you so we all had a lot of fun with the speculation. Still, I think everyone signed a bit of relief when we reached the final hour of 2012 without the world suddenly coming to an end.
The video for Britney Spears’s Till The World Ends comments on the whole Mayan calendar thing by specifically telling us that it’s taking place on December 21st, 2012. While the world appears to be ending above ground, Britney Spears has a good time underground. Buildings burn. Rubble falls from the sky. It’s probably safe to imagine that a lot of people ended up dying. But, at least Britney survives. Which is only fair because, after everything that Britney’s been through in her life, she’s earned the right to survive the apocalypse.
This video was directed by Ray Kay, a Norwegian filmmaker who has done videos from everyone from Justin Bieber to Beyonce to the Backstreet Boys. The video was choreographed by Brian Friedman and was filmed in a basement in Los Angeles. So, if the world’s ending, head for Los Angeles and break into a basement. You won’t be sorry.
When I first started high school, quite a few people told me that I needed to follow my sister Erin’s example and try out for cheerleader and I have to admit that I was occasionally tempted to do so. I never did because I already had ballet and drama club, I wanted to establish my own identity, and Erin told me that being cheerleader meant that I had to be perky all the time and, quite frankly, I’ve always needed my time to sulk. Add to that, I’ve always been a natural contrarian so my usual response to several people telling me that I need to do something is to do the exact opposite. (That was perhaps even more true in high school than it is today.)
On the one hand, I can honestly say that I have never regretted not trying out for cheerleading. On the other hand, it’s only natural to occasionally wonder, “What if?” Would I have been the nice, responsible cheerleader like the type that Kirsten Dunst played in Bring It On? Would I have been the bitchy cheerleader who cruelly maintained the school’s status quo? Or would I have been the one trying to make fetch happen? Personally, I like to think that I would have been the cheerleader who dressed in all black and who came up with snarky cheers that sarcastically commented on modern culture.
That question of “What If?” is one of the reasons why I always make sure to catch all of the Lifetime cheerleading films. The other reason is that I enjoy making Erin watch them with me so I can ask her if they’re a realistic depiction of what it was like to be a cheerleader. For instance, earlier today, I made Erin watch The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders with me and I asked her, “Is this an accurate portrayal of cheerleading?”
“Maybe if you were a cheerleader in Hell,” she replied.
In The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders, Savannah May plays Ava. Ava and her mother, Candice (Denise Richards), have just moved to a new town and that means that Ava is going to be starting at a new high school. With her mother’s very strong (some might say too strong) encouragement, Ava tries out for cheerleading and makes the squad. Soon, Ava is not only a hit with the other cheerleaders but she’s also on her way to becoming the most popular girl at school! That doesn’t sit well with Katrina (Alexandria DeBerry), the cheer captain and homecoming queen who is all about three things: trying to control everyone’s lives, hazing the Hell out of all the new recruits, and being more popular than everyone else. When Ava makes it clear that she’s going to date whoever she wants (even if he isn’t a starter on the football team) and that she’s not really that happy with all the hazing either, Katrina plots to take down her only potential rival.
There’s not a subtle moment to be found in The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders, which is why it’s perhaps the best Lifetime cheerleader film ever made. From the minute that Katrina gives Ava the side eye, we know that we’re in store for an epic battle between two differing philosophies of high school popularity, with Ava representing the way we wish things could be while Katrina represents what we secretly suspect the world to be like. The film’s signature scene is perhaps the moment when Katrina and Ava get into an impromptu dance-off on the football field. It’s so thoroughly and unashamedly over-the-top that it’s also more than a little brilliant.
I mean, seriously, this is a Lifetime cheerleader film. You don’t watch a film like this for a subtlety. You watch a film like this for scenes of Katrina live-streaming a hazing and forcing her rival to stand on edge of the roof of the school. We watch a film like this for the moment that the entire high school breaks into applause as they watch one of their classmates get led away in handcuffs. Savannah May and Alexandria DeBerry are well-cast as the rival cheerleaders and DeBerry especially deserves credit for making Katrina the most joyfully evil cheerleader in recent memory.
Whether it’s an accurate portrayal of high school cheerleading or not, The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders is an undeniably entertaining Lifetime film. It fully embraces the melodrama and we’re all better for it.
(Though you do have to wonder why there’s a guy wearing a Burger King hat at Britney’s press conference. Did he just sneak in or is he a reporter who was having lunch when he got an emergency text telling him that he needed to get across town immediately? Either way, that crown saves him from the wrath of Britney.)
With this song and this video, Britney Spears tells the paparazzi and the haters and the exploiters and the judgers to all go to Hell and it’s totally awesome. Britney also pokes fun at her own image in this video, which is something that she never gets enough credit for.
The opening of this video also pays tribute to the press conference in Fellini’s 8 1/2. Fellini, I think, is a filmmaker who would have appreciated Britney Spears. Perhaps he also would have appreciated actor Guillermo Diaz, who appears as the driver of a convertible.
Be sure to keep an eye out for Crossroads 2: Cross Harder.
I’m not really sure what this day is supposed to be celebrating. I mean, I assume that it’s the day in which the workers are all supposed to unite or join a union or whatever but I’m not sure how that links to a few people getting the day off and no trash being picked up. Personally, I’m just happy for the long weekend and I’m going to hope that none of my neighbors accidentally put their trash out tomorrow because then it’ll end up sitting out in the alley for three days and a 3 day-old trash bag is not something that anyone needs to see.
Anyway, it’s a part of the Bowman family tradition that, for the entirety of Labor Day weekend, I only listen to Britney Spears. Usually but not always, I not only listen but I also sing along. For the most part, it depends on the air quality. As important as it is to sing along with Britney, that part of the observance can be ignored if you were running the danger of losing your voice before the holiday began. The important thing is that you have to make your decision whether or not to sing along before Labor Day actually begins and, once you make the choice, you have to stick with it. This year, due to some seasonal allergies, my voice was already a little bit hoarse before the holiday weekend began so I’ve chosen only to sing along to a few of Britney’s songs.
Anyway, this being Labor Day and all, it only makes sense that today’s music video of the day should be Work Bitch. Now, I already shared the first video for Work Bitch. The version that I’m sharing today is the live version, which was filmed during Britney’s performance at the 2016 Apple Music Festival.
Work Bitch is probably my favorite Britney song. If nothing else, it’s the one that my sister Erin and I seem to quote from the most. “You better work, bitch,” is a phrase that has many different meanings in Lisa-and-Erin speak. To understand the phrase’s meaning at any particular time, it’s important to listen for which word gets the most emphasis. “You better work, BITCH,” is actually the most affectionate use of the phrase. On the other hand, “You BETTER work, bitch,” means that someone’s in trouble.
Britney’s been going through a lot recently and, as always, she’s had to do it all in the glare of the public spotlight. (Just imagine how any of us would come across if our every personal difficulty and/or emotional moment was displayed on TMZ?) On this Labor Day, keep her in your thoughts.
I spent the previous week making plans for October. We really are coming up on the best Horrorthon ever. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to watch as many movies as I would have liked but it happens. I’ll make up for it over the upcoming few weeks.
Here’s what I did manage to watch, read, and listen to.
