25 Best, Worst, and Gems I Saw In 2017


I am not back yet. Health issues aside, I have been having major computer issues for more than a month now that are going to make regular posts out of the question. Also, my mom passed away suddenly two weeks before Christmas. Things aren’t so good here at the moment. However, I did watch over 1,100 movies in 2017, so I figured my requisite end of the year post was something I should do no matter how lean it may be because I can’t really take screenshots and lost the ones I took during the year.

The same rules as last year still apply:

  1. There is no particular order to the films in these lists. They either made it, or not.
  2. These are not necessarily films that came out in 2017. In fact, none did–darn Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back at the Return Of The Jedi being decent, if still a mess. These are films that I saw for the first time in 2017.
  3. The gems list are films that don’t make the best list, but I want to put a spotlight on them.
  4. If you disagree with any of my choices. Good! I want people to form their own opinions and think for themselves. But if you care to share those opinions, then be nice about it, or you won’t receive a response from me.

Barbara Broadcast (1977, dir. Radley Metzger)

Best:

  1. The Telephone Book (1971)
  2. At Berkeley (2013)
  3. Samurai Cop (1991)
  4. Vampire’s Kiss (1988)
  5. The Beguiled (1971)
  6. Fire In The Sky (1993)
  7. And The Band Played On (1993)
  8. Coal Miner’s Daughter (1980)
  9. StageFright (1987)
  10. Deadpool (2016)
  11. The Hit Girl (2013)
  12. A Simple Life (2011)
  13. 45 Years (2015)
  14. Barbara Broadcast (1977)
  15.  3 A.M. (1975)
  16. Magnum Force (1973)
  17. The Mechanic (1972)
  18. Romancing The Stone (1984)
  19. Censored Voices (2015)
  20. Marshland (2014)
  21. Nostalgia For The Light (2010)
  22. Stir Of Echoes (1999)
  23. Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
  24. Malcolm (1986)
  25. The Forbidden Room (2015)
Poster for Roar (1981)

Poster for Roar (1981)

Except for that one lion that you can see someone kick in the face a couple of times. Otherwise, this movie that portrays lions as slasher movie villains was totally humane to animals. It’s right about the actors.

Speaking of Melanie Griffith, she would end up having some of her most memorable lines from Working Girl (1988) lifted to be in Fifty Shades Darker (2017).

From Working Girl:

New Secretary: Maybe now would be a good time to go over what you expect of me.
Tess: I, uh, I expect you to call me Tess. I don’t expect you fetch me coffee unless you’re getting some for yourself, and um…the rest we’ll just make up as we go along.

From Fifty Shades Darker:

New “Secretary”: I mean, am-am I expected to call you Miss Steele?
Anastasia: I expect you to call me Ana. And I don’t expect you to fetch me coffee unless you’re getting some for yourself. And…the rest of it, we’ll just make up as we go along.

Worst:

  1. The Letters (2014)
  2. Emmanuelle In Rio (2003)
  3. Bat Pussy (1973)
  4. Lethal Games (1991)
  5. Sunburst (1975)
  6. Roar (1981)
  7. Knock Knock (2015)
  8. I Am Here… Now (2009)
  9. Cabin Fever (2002) & Cabin Fever (2016) — They can share a spot.
  10. Fantasies (1981)
  11. Lady In The Water (2006)
  12. Dreamcatcher (2003)
  13. Adult Entertainment: Disrobing An American Idol (2007)
  14. All the Paul W.S. Anderson/Milla Jovovich Resident Evil movies — They can also share a single spot.
  15. Hillary’s America: The Secret History Of The Democratic Party (2016)
  16. Jem And The Holograms (2015)
  17. The 5th Wave (2016)
  18. Split (2016) — The one directed by Jamie Buckner.
  19. Stir Of Echoes: The Homecoming (2007)
  20. The Tomb (2009)
  21. Different Strokes (1998)
  22. Deadly Spygames (1989)
  23. Incoming Freshman (1979) — The Cannon re-edit of the film. I couldn’t find a copy of the original version.
  24. White Fury (1990)
  25. The Hunchback Of Notre Dame (1996) — The Golden Films version under the banner of “Enchanted Tales.” You know, the one about talking musical instruments with a few minutes of a guy who walks around hunched over with hair in his face that stands up straight and brushes his hair out of the way to solve his problems at the end. That one.
VHS Cover for Shark's Paradise (1986)

VHS Cover for Shark’s Paradise (1986)

And that force is a group of Australian actors doing their best to start a Miami Vice-like show with a TV Movie about chasing after someone that is using sharks to kill people.

Gems:

  1. The Subspecies series — The entire series is fun. Pro tip: You don’t have to watch Vampire Journals (1997) to see the 4th film.
  2. Future Hunters (1986)
  3. Hercules In The Haunted World (1961)
  4. Laser Mission (1989)
  5. Warriors Of The Wasteland (1983)
  6. Shark’s Paradise (1986)
  7. Deadly Friend (1986)
  8. The Witchcraft series — All of them. From the birth of William in the really boring first film to the meta 16th film, they are all worth seeing if you enjoy bad movies. Some of them are much worse than others, but I had a really good time with these movies, and I hope they make more of them.
  9. Zombi 3 (1988)
  10. Queens Of Evil (1970)
  11. Killdozer (1974)
  12. Café Flesh (1982) or Café Flesh (1986) as it is now listed on IMDb
  13. Old Enough (1984)
  14. The Hunted (1995)
  15. Outland (1981)
  16. Technology/Transformation Wonder Woman (1978/9)
  17. Enter The Ninja (1981)
  18. Coming Home (2014)
  19. The House By The Cemetery (1981)
  20. Short Term 12 (2013)
  21. My Dog Tulip (2009)
  22. Pledge Sister (1973) — This one made the list purely on the grounds of its soundtrack, which includes everything from Gregorian Chants to directly lifting Sunshine Superman by Donovan. And they use it better than Pan (2015) did Smells Like Teen Spirit or Vacation (2015) did Without You. I hope that whoever put the soundtrack together for this otherwise anonymous 70’s adult film went on to do work in mainstream cinema.
  23. A Thief In The Night (1972)
  24. East Side Sushi (2014)
  25. Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S. (2003)
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House of Salem Movie preview and Review


Ok…… get this out of your system first…. Will you come out and play? I’ll answer that question later!*

House of Salem_Key Art_preview

Plot:

A group of kidnappers become a child’s unlikely protectors after discovering they have unwittingly been set up to take part in a satanic ritual. As they begin to uncover the truth of the house they find themselves trapped, they must battle demonic forces and uncover a legacy of over a hundred years of murder in the name of the Dev

 

Review:

I am not going to argue, I love Wild Eye Releasing  movies! And whenever I get a screener I really miss the days when us #SnarkAlecs would just sit back and watch a good Sci-Fi movie! And this is one of the movies I would be proud to be associated with!

This movie is awesome in the perfect way!

Would I recommend this movie?

Nope…Unless you just want a fun, snarkable movie! Then, YES!

Take your chances and look at the trailer now!

 

*Admit it… You want to come out and play Now!

House Of Salem will be available on January 23, 2018 on all your VOD devices!

Driving While Black: Movie review/ preview


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Preview:

“Based on the real life experiences of writer and lead actor Dominique Purdy, this arresting new comedy explores Purdy’s real life experiences growing up as a person of color in LA and his run ins with police.

With 32 film festival wins to date, and an ever-increasing online fanbase, Driving While Black is shaping up to be one of the most anticipated comedy releases of 2018.

Dmitri is a pizza guy who would rather smoke weed and suffer for his art, but his mom and his girl won’t stop nagging him to get a real job. When he’s offered a gig mouthing off to tourists behind the wheel of a Hollywood “star tour” bus, it looks like everyone might get what they want. Trouble is, our man can’t seem to step out the door to get to the interview without endless complications: busted radiators, simple weed scores gone sideways and LAPD cruisers seemingly everywhere. Dmitri’s skill at going unnoticed by cops is honed by painful experiences growing up Black in L.A., but even his keen survival instincts won’t save him from the week from hell.

With a jovial swagger to its walking pace, Driving While Black is half comedy of errors and half hard-bitten realism, tucked into a sly treatise on 21st-century over-policing.”

 

Review:

I didn’t laugh, I didn’t cry…. but anybody that watches it will! The way Dmitri tells his story is so captivating, compelling, and funny at the same time is amazing! I went into this movie thinking it was a comedy, after watching I realized that is life. I got drawn in, literally hooked while watching!

Would I recommend this movie?

Yeah, drop your dollars as soon as you can! I mean as fast as you can see this movie! Do it!

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Trailer:

If you want to get a glimpse of this great movie before you drop your dollars you can here!

 

Driving While Black will be in theaters February 1st and I highly recommend you seeing it!

Music Video of the Day: Work Bitch by Britney Spears (2013, dir by Ben Mor)


I was going to start this post by saying that my resolution for 2018 was to start every day by saying, “Work, bitch,” as I continued to make my dreams a reality.

Every day, when I looked in the mirror, I would say, “Work, bitch.”

Every day, when it was time to find a new adventure, I would say, “Work, bitch.”

Every day, when it was time to sit down and write, I would say, “Work, bitch.”

Every day, when I thought about how to make this site even better than it already is, I would say, “Work, bitch.”

No complacency for me!  No surrender!  No taking anything for granted!

Instead, every day, “Work, bitch.”

That really was going to be my resolution but then I realized that I already do that every day.  I’ve been saying, “Work, bitch,” every since this song first came out.  I don’t need a resolution to make myself work.  I already do that.

So, I guess my new resolution is to look in the mirror and say, “Relax, bitch.”

(For the record, bitch is a term of endearment and empowerment when I use it.)

Anyway, I like this video.  Britney whips her dancers into shape.  I may do the same thing with some of the people I work with this year.  Maybe that’s my 2018 resolution…

Enjoy!

(And Free Britney!)