All Hail Slade Craven! A Look At Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal


Slade Craven, the hero of Turbulence 3

Slade Craven, the hero of Turbulence 3

The first Turbulence was a 1997 box office flop that starred Lauren Holly as a flight attendant who must defeat Ray Liotta and land an airplane.  Turbulence 2 was a 1999 direct-to-video release that starred Craig Sheffer as an engineer who must defeat a terrorist and land an airplane.  2001’s Turbulence 3 reuses the special effects footage from the first Turbulence and features Craig Sheffer in a different role but otherwise, it is a completely unrelated to the first two films.  This time, John Mann plays a rock star who must defeat a terrorist and land an airplane.

Slade Craven is a death rocker who, with his white makeup and his long black hair, is an obvious stand-in for Marilyn Manson.  Like Marilyn in his prime, Slade Craven is a controversial artist whose music is critical of religion.  Unlike Marilyn Manson (whose video for Sweet Things Are Made Of This still has the power to shock), the one Slade Craven music video that we see mostly features Slade stumbling around a high school basement and petting a dog.  Marilyn Manson sang about the beautiful people.  Slade Craven’s biggest hit is Love Gun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ksv1cjtLwzI

Slade Craven has announced his retirement.  His final concert, complete with pyrotechnics and a working electric chair, will be held on an airplane, while the plane is flying from California to Canada.  Only 40 of his most devoted fans will be allowed on the plane but “10 million people” will be watching via the miracle of the Internet.  (Everything about the internet was still exotic in 2001.)

This is what a hacker looked like in 2001.

This is what a hacker looked like in 2001.

On the ground, hacker Nick Watts (Craig Sheffer) is illegally watching the concert when FBI agent Kate Hayden (Gabriella Anwar) shows up to arrest him.  However, before Kate can put on the handcuffs, they notice that something strange is happening on the plane.  Someone has just murdered the band’s manager and has locked Slade in the first class restroom.  A man disguised to look like Slade shoots a co-pilot and announces that he’s going to crash the plane into a cursed cemetery in an area of East Kansas that is so unholy that “even the pope refuses to fly over it.”  The crash will not only be seen by the 10 million people watching on the internet but it will also unleash Satan into the world.

With the help of Nick and Kate, Slade frees himself from his restraints and becomes a hilariously unlikely action hero.  Not only does Slade have to defeat his doppelgänger and the other Satanists on the plane but, after the remaining pilot (Rutger Hauer!) is revealed to be a part of the conspiracy, Slade has to land the plane on his own.  Luckily, Nick has an old NES flight simulator that he can use to help talk Slade down.  “We’re all going to rock and roll!” Slade tells the passengers as he pulls on the throttle.  Meanwhile, on the ground, Kate rewards Nick by handcuffing him and then walking towards the bedroom while unbuttoning her blouse.  Nick hops after her.

Also, on the ground, Joe Mantegna plays an FBI agent.  All of the scenes with Mantegna take place in two locations, suggesting that Mantegna filmed all of his scenes in a day or two.  Turbulence 3 proves that it is impossible to hear Mantegna’s voice without picturing Fat Tony.

Of all the films about heavy metal singers fighting terrorists and landing airplanes, Turbulence 3 might be the best.  All credit belongs to John Mann’s Slade Craven who rocks every day, parties every night, and beats up terrorists all of the time.  Slade Craven proves the nobody saved the world like a shock rocker.  Sadly, there has never been a Turbulence 4.  I would love to see the further adventures of Slade Craven.

turbulence-3-poster

Scenes I Love: John Wick


JohnWickBabaYaga

“John wasn’t exactly the boogeyman. He’s the one you sent to kill the fucking boogeyman.” — Viggo Tarasov

To finish off the trifecta of all things John Wick I would like to share one of my favorite scenes from this excellent film. The scene arrives once the introductory session showing the title character’s domestic life away from the world of assassins, gun molls and erudite crime lords.

Most films that uses exposition to explain a certain plot point or describe a character tend to fall flat and forced. It stops whatever momentum a film’s narrative has gained. It becomes the tool of a lazy writer and in the hands of an average to bad director it’d turn out to be a scene killer.

This particular scene from John Wick falls under exposition done right. We see the Russian crime lord Viggo relating to his idiot son his disappointment at what he’d done to John Wick. Of course, the son doesn’t know who this John Wick fella is, but good ol’ Dad was more than willing to tell him a sort of bedtime story that describes John Wick in epic and mythical terms.

It’s a scene that builds up the title character through anecdotal examples. This is a crime lord who rules all he surveys, but the notion that his son has started a chain of events involving John Wick terrifies him. The fact that the son tries to put up a brave front to fix the problem gets a reaction that was one of the funniest bits in the entire film.

John Wick is a film that perfectly shows that a film doesn’t have to be overly complex in it’s plot. Even the simplest narrative of a man out for revenge could be turned into a full on romp of entertaining mayhem.

Song of the Day: Killing Strangers (by Marilyn Manson & Tyler Bates)


JohnWickManson

John Wick wasn’t just a surprise hit (relative to it’s modest budget) of 2014, but it was also one of the best films of that year. It was part of a renaissance in action film making that was ushered in by the two-punch combo of The Raid and The Raid 2 that came out of the mind of Gareth Evans.

This Keanu Reeves revenge action thriller didn’t just excel in the visual mayhem and the alternative world the title character lived and killed in, but it also was accompanied by a kick-ass soundtrack created by the underrated film composer Tyler Bates.

“Killing Strangers” is one of the songs from the film’s soundtrack. A song that perfectly captures the character of John Wick that’s sung by Marilyn Manson and composed by Bates himself.

Killing Strangers

This world doesn’t need no opera
We’re here for the operation
We don’t need a bigger knife
(Cause we got guns)
We got guns, we got guns
We got guns, you better run
(you better run, you better run, you better run)

We’re killing strangers
We’re killing strangers
We’re killing strangers, so we don’t kill the ones that we
Love
We’re killing strangers
We’re killing strangers,
We’re killing strangers, so we don’t kill the ones that we
Love, love, love, love

We pack demolition
We can’t pack emotion
Dynamite, we just might
So blow us a kiss, blow us a kiss
Blow us a kiss, and we’ll blow you to pieces

We’re killing strangers
We’re killing strangers
We’re killing strangers, so we don’t kill the ones that we
Love, love, love, love

We got guns, we got guns
Motherfuckers better, better run
We got guns, we got guns
Motherfuckers better run
And we got guns, we got guns
Motherfuckers better, better, better run
We got, we got guns
Motherfuckers better run

We’re killing strangers
We’re killing strangers
We’re killing strangers, so we don’t kill the ones that we (better run!)

We’re killing strangers (we got guns!)
We’re killing strangers (we got guns!)
We’re killing strangers, so we (we got guns!) don’t kill the ones that we
Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love

4 Shots From 4 Films: Sabotage, The Raid 2, John Wick, Fury


2014 had it’s share of very good action films and here are four that I was particularly drawn to. While the film themselves were of varying degrees of quality in terms of storytelling. These 4 films all had one thing that I enjoyed despite their films’ flaws. They all had action scenes that I thought were quite excellent.

You have gritty present-day action thriller, an operatic gangster epic, a revenge thriller and a war film. One stars an aging action star back from playing politician. Another a foreign film whose filmmaker and star have set the bar for all action films for years to come. Then there’s the stunt coordinators and 2nd unit directors finally making their mark with their first feature-length film. Lastly, a war film that brings the brutality of World War II tank warfare to the forefront.

4 SHOTS FROM 4 FILMS

Sabotage (dir. by David Ayer)

Sabotage (dir. by David Ayer)

John Wick (dir. by Chad Stahelski & David Leitch)

John Wick (dir. by Chad Stahelski & David Leitch)

Ted 2 Sucks!


Ted_2_posterWell, I think the title of this review pretty succinctly sums up my reaction to Seth McFarlane’s latest film, Ted 2.  Thanks for reading and have a good…

Oh, really?

Okay, I’ve been told that I have to try to think up at least 300 words to say about Ted 2.  Otherwise, in the eyes of Rotten Tomatoes, we’re not a legitimate film blog.

*sigh*

Okay.

Anyway, Ted 2 is the story of a talking teddy bear (voice by Seth McFarlane) who likes to smoke weed and … well, that’s about it.  He’s just gotten married to Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) and they’re having trouble because Tami-Lynn wants a baby but Ted, being a teddy bear, doesn’t have any reproductive organs.  So, he and his friend John (Mark Wahlberg) decide to give Tom Brady a handjob so they can still his sperm.  But, it turns out, none of that was important because the state of Massachusetts claims that Ted is not even a person.  Instead, he’s just “property.”  So, now, John and Ted and their lawyer, Sam (Amanda Seyfried), are fighting the courts to win Ted his civil rights.  And then Giovanni Ribisi wants to kidnap Ted and Morgan Freeman shows up and says a few words.  And the film is narrated by Patrick Stewart because it’s funny to hear Patrick Stewart curse and…

Oh!  And Liam Neeson shows up.  He’s a customer at the store where Ted works as a cashier.  Liam wants to know if Trix are only for kids.  The joke here is that it’s Liam Neeson and he’s asking about cereal.  Ha ha.

Oh!  And there’s two guys who shows up at New York Comic Con so that they can beat up “nerds.”  During every scene set at Comic Con, they’re in the background beating people up and insulting them.  And the two guys are gay!  See, they’re bullies and they’re gay!  And they’re beating up random people at Comic Con, just because they can!  Hilarious, right?

Ted 2 spends a lot of time trying to convince us that Ted’s struggle to be recognized as a person is actually meant to be a metaphor for the American civil rights movement.  But, honestly, I get the feeling that McFarlane relates more to the bullies than he does to any oppressed minority.  As he previously proved with his TV shows and A Million Ways To Die In The West, McFarlane is only interested in going after easy targets.  He’s your typical white male hipster who thinks that, because he voted for Obama, he can get away with telling racist jokes.

And, before anyone misunderstands, I wouldn’t mind McFarlane’s humor if it was at least funny or original.  But instead, it’s the same stupid jokes that he always tells.  Seth McFarlane’s comedic technique is to basically drag things out until viewers laugh from pure exhaustion.  Is it effective?  Well, there are people who continue to praise and defend him and Seth certainly has made a lot of money off of his act.  So, obviously, there are people who respond to this.  But to me, Seth McFarlane’s humor just feels lazy.

Ted 2 lasts 128 minutes.  That’s over two hours devoted to a concept that feels more appropriate for a five-minute skit.  Interesting enough, the first Ted was tolerable because it focused on Mark Wahlberg’s Johnny.  Ted was just a supporting character and he worked as a metaphor for Johnny’s struggle to choose between growing up or being a happy slacker.  (The first Ted was all about Johnny falling in love with Mila Kunis, whose character is rather cruelly dismissed at the start of Ted 2.)  In Ted 2, Ted is the central character and once you get over the fact that he’s a teddy bear who drops multiple F bombs, there’s really not much to the character.  It helps, of course, that we only have to listen to McFarlane.  We don’t have to look at his imminently punchable, oddly lineless face.  But, to be honest, even McFarlane’s voice has become grating.  It’s just so self-satisfied and smug.

I saw Ted 2 with the blogger also known as Jedadiah Leland.  Over the course of 128 hours minutes (it just felt like hours), we each laughed once.  Not surprisingly, both laughs were inspired by Wahlberg’s dumb-but-sweet performance.  Now, I will admit that the rest of the audience laughed a bit more than we did.  But still, there was a definite atmosphere of resignation in the theater.  You could literally hear the people thinking, “Oh, Ted just made a joke about black people.  Better laugh now so everyone knows that I get whatever the Hell this is supposed to be.  After all, those tickets weren’t free…”

What’s the word count now?

758?

Cool.

That’s enough words for me to say, “Ted 2 sucks!”

 

Revisiting an Old Fiend: THE FACE BEHIND THE MASK


the-face-behind-the-mask-1941-dvd-peter-lorre-evelyn-keyes-1189-p

Recently I switched from cable to DirecTV. As part of my package, I’ve officially joined the DVR generation. This is like being in heaven for an old movie buff like myself. Now I can record films of interest no matter what time they’re on and enjoy them at my leisure. Especially those older black & white gems that air mainly in the wee-wee hours. I can catch up with some classics I’ve only read about over the years but never had the opportunity to view, and those I only have vague memories of watching decades ago on snowy looking UHF channels.

THE FACE BEHIND THE MASK falls into the latter category. This 1941 Columbia film was directed by the criminally underrated Frenchman Robert Florey and stars everybody’s favorite madman Peter Lorre. The movie’s a very early example of 40s film noir, as was another Lorre vehicle, 1940’s  STRANGER ON THE THIRD FLOOR.

Lorre plays Janos Szabo, a newly arrived Hungarian immigrant watchmaker, come to America to find work and live the American dream. He’s befriended by police Lt. O’Hara (Don Beddoe), who buys the naïve newcomer a five dollar lunch and directs him to the Excelsior Palace, a low rent hotel. When another border’s negligence causes the joint to go up in flames, Janos is trapped inside, and suffers a horrible disfigurement.

O’Hara feels responsible for the poor guy’s plight and writes a message on one of his calling cards for Janos to contact him when he’s released from the hospital. Now unable to find work due to his terribly scarred visage, Janos goes to the waterfront, contemplating suicide. He meets up with a petty crook named Dinky, who takes a liking to Janos. Dinky has a safe job lined up but falls ill, and asks Janos to take his place. The Hungarian, good with his hands, takes care of business, When Dinky’s former comrades Benson and Watts show up wanting to know why they weren’t in on the score, the four decide to form a crime gang, with Janos (now nicknamed Johnny) as the ringleader. A crime wave ensues, baffling the police, and putting O’Hara under pressure to end the larcenous spree quickly as possible.

Janos wants the illicit dough so he can have plastic surgery and restore his features. A rubber mask is made from his passport photo for him to wear until the doctor returns. When the doc (an uncredited cameo by Frank Reicher, KING KONG’s Captain Englehorn)  finally does see Janos, he informs him that the facial nerves have suffered too much damage, and it would take fifteen years before any progress could be made!

Disheartened, Janos leaves the doctor’s office, where he (literally) bumps into Helen Williams. Helen is blind, but she can sense the goodness still inside the scarred master criminal. Eventually, Janos comes clean to her about his face, but not his illegal activities. Helen is played by the beautiful Evelyn Keyes, best known as Scarlet O’Hara’s Younger Sister (the name of her autobiography) in GONE WITH THE WIND.

Now in love with Helen, and with plenty of money stashed away, Janos decides to leave his life of crime behind and settle down in the country. This doesn’t sit well with his former cronies, especially Jeff, the gang’s new leader. When the cop’s calling card (remember?) is found in Janos’s old desk, they fear their former boss has turned stool pigeon. The gang beats and tortures Dinky, the only one who knows Janos’s whereabouts. Dinky spills the beans, and Jeff and company pay a visit to Janos and his new bride. While Jeff delivers a warning, the gang plants a bomb in his car, connected to the radio. Dinky gets dumped to the side of the road, badly beaten and shot, but manages to get to a phone and warn Janos. But it’s too late. While Helen’s unpacking the car, she wants to hear some music, turns on the radio, and KA-BOOM! She sadly dies in Janos’s arms.

Dinky’s still alive though, and tells Janos the gang has chartered a plane and are going on the lam. They take to the air and head west, unaware that Janos has ambushed the pilot and is flying the plane. He lands them smack in the middle of the Arizona desert and tells them he’s stranding them all there to die a slow, painful death. Soon after, O’Hara gets a hot tip (pun intended!)and flies west to discover a gruesome tableau. The gang members are all dead, including Janos, who’s been tied to the plane’s wing. O’Hara finds an explanation note in his little friend’s pocket, along with the five bucks for the lunch O’Hara bought him long ago.

Lorre is superb as a man trapped in circumstances beyond his control, showing a wider range of emotion beyond his standard pop-eyed psychopath roles. Keyes is also good as the doomed Helen, proving she could’ve been a much bigger star with better roles. FACE BEHIND THE MASK features plenty of familiar faces from the Mighty Columbia Arts Players brigade (Beddoe, George E Stone, Cy Schindell, John Tyrell, George McKay). The film’s a brisk 75 minutes of entertainment for lovers of 40s cinema in general, and Lorre in particular. The name Janos, by the way, was obviously inspired from the Roman god Janus, always depicted with two faces!

I’m glad I got to rewatch this movie and enjoy it without all that UHF snow.. I’ve got plenty more lined up in the DVR, and look forward to sharing my impressions of them with you, dear reader. So get that popcorn ready and let’s go to the show!

Fear The Walking Dead: The Reports In Four States And Vermont Teaser!


PCAS

Here’s the 2nd promo for AMC’s upcoming Fear the Walking Dead!  This promo still doesn’t feature any walkers and that’s probably for the best.  After all, we already know that this is a show about zombies.  Instead, in this promo, we actually get to listen to people talk.  On the characters claims that there have been reported outbreaks “in five different states!”

(He may be making the mistake of thinking that Vermont is a state.  It happens.)

Personally, I like the enigmatic approach that AMC is taking with the Fear The Walking Dead promos.  If nothing else, both this and the previous promo capture the atmosphere of impending doom that one would associate with a zombie apocalypse.

Celebrate The 40th Anniversary of Jaws With Art!


This week is the 40th anniversary of the release of Jaws.  Here’s some of the best Jaws tribute art that I’ve found online.

By Jerrod W. Brown

By Jerrod W. Brown

By Mark Reihell

By Mark Reihell

By Mike Wrobel

By Mike Wrobel

By Justin Reed

By Justin Reed

By PJ McQuade

By PJ McQuade

By Paul Meijering

By Paul Meijering

By Joe Vetoe

By Joe Vetoe

By Casey Callender

By Casey Callender

By Joshua Budich

By Joshua Budich

By Joshua Budich

By Dan Mumford

By Dan Mumford

By Matthias Chistensen

By Matthias Chistensen

What if Peter Cushing Had Played The Doctor: A Look at Dr. Who And The Daleks


MV5BMjA5MDE3MDI5MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjU3NTgxMQ@@._V1_SY317_CR5,0,214,317_AL_When the long-running British science fiction show Doctor Who premiered over 50 years ago, it was originally envisioned as being a serialized educational program for children.  Each serial would see The Doctor (William Hartnell), his granddaughter Susan (Carole Ann Ford), and teachers Ian (William Russell) and Barbara (Jacqueline Hill) traveling via TARDIS to a different historical period and interacting with real-life figure like Marco Polo and the Emperor Nero.  The first serial, An Unearthly Child, featured the Doctor and his companions going back to prehistoric times and teaching cavemen how to make fire.

However, the show’s second serial forever changed the direction of the series.  Written by Terry Nation, The Daleks introduced viewers to a race of militaristic aliens who, because they had nearly destroyed their planet in a nuclear war, could only exist inside of a tank-like shell.  Devoid of all emotion except for hate, the Daleks were best known for their shrill battle cry of “EXTERMINATE!”  Despite being defeated and apparently destroyed at the end of the serial, The Daleks returned to face the Doctor many times and the show itself shifted its focus away from teaching history lessons and instead became the show that we all know and love today.

Dr-Who-and-the-Daleks-Poster-by-Tim-DoyleAt its height, the popularity of the Daleks rivaled that of the Doctor and his companions.  In 1965, when Amicus Productions produced the first Doctor Who feature film, it was a no-brainer that it would feature the Daleks.  With a few key changes (mostly to the character of the Doctor and his companions), Dr. Who and the Daleks recreates the plot of Terry Nation’s original serial.  The Doctor (played by Peter Cushing), his granddaughters, Barbara (Jennie Linden) and Susan (Robert Tovey), and Barbara’s boyfriend Ian (Roy Castle) go to the planet Skaro, where they help the peace-loving Thals battle the war-obsessed Daleks.

Beyond selling the rights to the story, the BBC had nothing to do with the film’s production.  Amicus obviously geared the film towards children, perhaps not understanding that, though Doctor Who may have started out as a kid’s show, the program itself had become much more adult as it grew in popularity.  Hoping to make a film that could appeal to a wider (read: American) audience than the original TV show, Amicus changed a few key details.  As a result,  for fans of the original show, Dr. Who and the Daleks is a true oddity.  It provides an alternative vision of what Doctor Who could have been.

One change that did work is that, at a time when Doctor Who was still being broadcast in black-and-white, Dr. Who and the Daleks was in color.  Visually, the film has a pop art feel, full of primary color and featuring locations that feel like low-budget version of the villainous lairs that Ken Adam used to design for the James Bond films.  This was the first time that the Daleks had been seen in Technicolor and the show even appropriated the film’s Dalek color-scheme when color episodes started to air in 1970.

Dr-Who-The-Daleks-2

Other changes do not work quite as well.  The Daleks’ famous “EXTERMINATE” battle cry is never heard.  The show’s beloved theme music has been replaced with an uninspired score from veteran Amicus composer Malcolm Lockyer.  While the TARDIS still looks like a blue police box and is bigger on the inside than the outside, the sleek control console and the familiar grinding noise are both gone.  Instead, the inside of the TARDIS is a cluttered mess of loose wires and flashing lights.  The Doctor now has two granddaughters and, undoubtedly in order to appeal to children, Susan is much younger than she was in the television series.  As well, in the television series, Ian was a science teacher who had no fear of standing up to The Doctor.  The film’s Ian is clumsy and used mostly for broad comic relief.

Dr. Who & the Daleks films tillThe biggest change is to the character of the Doctor himself.  For fans of the series, there is no bigger pet peeve than when unfamiliar critics refer to the main character as being “Dr. Who.”  True fans know that the show’s title is a question and not a statement.  No one knows the Doctor’s true name or his exact age.  What they do know is that Doctor is a Time Lord from Gallifrey and that he stole his TARDIS.  Whenever the Doctor’s body suffers too much damage, he regenerates into a new body (and a different actor).

Of course, in 1965, the Time Lords had yet to be officially introduced.  The name “Gallifrey” had never been uttered on the television show.  The Time Meddler, which was the first serial to introduce another member of the Doctor’s race, only aired a month before the release of Dr. Who and the Daleks.  On the TV series, William Hartnell was still playing the First Doctor and it would be another two years before the character would regenerate for the first time.  When Dr. Who and the Daleks was released, all that was known of the Doctor was that he was an alien and no one knew his true name.

Even those two facts are ignored in Dr. Who and the Daleks.  Instead of being the abrasive alien that Hartnell played on the show, the film’s Doctor is portrayed as being a brilliant but absent-minded inventor who is very much a human being.  The film also establishes early that his last name really is Who, with Ian regularly addressing him as “Dr. Who.”  We never learn his first name.  Maybe it was Larry.

Dr-Who-and-the-Daleks-Dr-Who-4Dr. Who was played by Peter Cushing, who Amicus felt would be a bigger box office draw than William Hartnell.  Cushing does a good job playing his version of the character and it’s interesting to compare his kindly performance to both his better known work for Hammer and George Lucas and William Hartnell’s ruthless interpretation of the character.  Cushing regularly goes back to save the life of Castle’s cowardly Ian.  Hartnell would have just let him die.

Though the film bombed in North America (where, at the time, Doctor Who was still unknown) it did will enough in the UK to lead to a sequel, Daleks — Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D.  When the sequel failed at the box office, plans for future movies starring Peter Cushing as the Doctor were abandoned.  That was probably for the best.  If the Amicus films had been a success, they could have changed the direction of Doctor Who just as surely as Terry Nation did when he first introduced the Daleks.  Doctor Who could have reverted to being a show for children instead of becoming the show that it is today.

Still, it is hard not to wish that Peter Cushing could have gotten to play the Doctor in a “real” Doctor Who film.  After all, Christopher Lee would have made a great Master.

Dr Who and the Daleks (13)