Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.16 “Soft Targets”

Posted on August 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, a crazed gunman takes over the beach. Good thing the Bike Patrol’s there….

Episode 2.16 “Soft Targets”

(Dir by Ron Satlof, originally aired on January 12th, 1997)

Zack Torrance (Terence Knox, a.k.a. St. Elsewhere‘s Dr. White) is a former soldier who claims that he has information about the CIA smuggling drugs into the U.S. as a way to help raise money to defeat the communists in Central America. This is a conspiracy theory that I’m very familiar with. I don’t quite buy it because it assumes a bit too much competence on the part of the CIA. That said, it’s a popular conspiracy theory amongst some. All I know is that communism sucks.

Kind of like this show!

Anyway, Zack opens fire on a beach and holds everyone hostage because he wants to get his story out. For some reason, the job of securing the beach and negotiating with Zack falls to these dorks:

The CIA shows up in the form of Franklin Quill (Sherman Howard). Quill takes over the negotiations and, while TC and Chris glower in the background, he proceeds to shoot and kill Zack. Zack dies and the story doesn’t get out. TC looks upset but he doesn’t really do anything to stop Quill so you know what? Get bent, TC.

Seriously, this episode …. ugh. First off, hostage episodes are boring to begin with. There’s only so many times you can watch some sweaty guy barking out orders before you get bored with the whole thing. Pacific Blue makes things worse by bringing in the Bike Patrol. We’re supposed to dislike Quill but actually, Quill shows up, takes charge of the situation, and brings things to a close. The fact that TC spends the whole episode standing around with an annoyed expression on his face doesn’t make Quill any less effective. For this entire episode, TC whines and bitches about Quill’s tactics but TC never actually develops any tactics of his own. If anything, the Bike Patrol is kind of superfluous in this episode.

Terence Knox was believably desperate as Zach. Holly Robinson Peete showed up as a woman who was wounded by Zach’s initial attack on the beach. She survived and then married a lifeguard (Robert Joseph). Palermo was not in this episode. Instead, he left to train a Bike Patrol in another country and left TC in charge of the Santa Monica’s Bike Patrol. Big mistake, if you ask me.

If there was any pleasure to be found in this episode, it came from just how poorly the Bike Patrol came across. Seriously, they couldn’t catch Zach. They couldn’t control the beach. What exactly do we need these people for? Bike Patrol, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.6 “Second Time Around/Three’s A Crowd”

Posted on August 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, the Island is kind of dull. Tattoo is missed.

Episode 7.6 “Second Time Around/Three’s A Crowd”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on November 19th, 1983)

Love is in the air again at Fantasy Island! Remember when this show used to feature mermaids and Greek Gods and ghosts and gothic mansions and stuff like that? Those were good times!

Kate Tucker (Cristina Ferrare) comes to the Island to confront her husband, Gary Tucker (Geoffrey Scott, the quarterback from 1st and Ten), about his infidelity. Roarke decides to bring Gary’s mistress, Helen (Michelle Phillips, who once played the mermaid on this very show), to the Island as well! It’s all a part of Roarke’s plan to show both women that Gary’s not worth all the trouble. Kate realizes she doesn’t want Gary and Helen doesn’t want him either. Kate leaves the Island a single woman. Good for her!

Meanwhile, widowed Joan (Dorothy McGuire) comes to the Island and falls for handsome Alan Reynolds (Craig Stevens). Joan’s son (Stuart Damon) is upset at the idea of Joan marrying someone else. Eventually, he comes to see the error of his ways and smiles as Joan and Alan find happiness.

This may have been an episode of Fantasy Island but it felt more like The Love Boat. Roarke helped everyone find true love and Lawrence …. Lawrence was just kind of there. At this point, I kind of feel that, if they were determined to get rid of Tattoo, they should have just had Roarke running the Island by himself. Lawrence’s presence doesn’t accomplish anything beyond making the viewer miss Tattoo.

This was a pretty forgettable trip to the Island.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.9 “Crash Course”

Posted on August 18, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

A recently released thief and a bank error are no match for the smiley charisma of Erik Estrada!

Episode 4.9 “Crash Course”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 4th, 1981)

Former getaway driver Sonny Matson (Don Stroud) has just been released from prison and he’s fallen back into his old habits. Everyday, he steals a different car and then robs a different business. His crimes are getting progressively more bold and Baker is determined to catch him.

Meanwhile, Ponch notices that he has an extra $4,000 in his bank account. Trying to do the right thing, Ponch reports the discrepancy. The bank accidentally drains all the money from his account. With his checks bouncing all over town, Ponch tries to get the bank fix their error. Good luck with that, Ponch! Luckily, when one of Sonny’s associates tries to rob the bank, it gives Ponch a chance to play the hero….

It’s The Ponch Show! Baker may be the one with a personal stake in capturing Sonny but Ponch is the one with big grin and the majority of this episode’s screentime. Whether he’s thwarting a bank robbery or recruiting all of his co-workers to help him find proof of the bank’s error, Ponch dominates. Poor Baker.

The best thing about this episode was Don Stroud’s performance as Sonny Matson. Stroud played a lot of low-level criminals over the course of his career. With his quick but unfriendly smile, his paranoid eyes, and his cocky attitude, Stroud is actually rather intimidating as Sonny. Whenever Stroud is onscreen, CHiPs actually feels a little bit dangerous! That this episode was memorable was largely due to Don Stroud and the hideous 70s decor of Ponch’s bank. Tacky and dangerous, that’s our CHiPs!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.16 “Honor Among Thieves”

Posted on August 18, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, a man kills for his dolls.

Episode 4.16 “Honor Among Thieves?”

(Dir by Jim Johnston, originally aired on March 4th, 1988)

A serial killer named Paul Delgado (John Bowman and no, we’re not related as far as I know) is killing girls in Miami. He believes that he’s being ordered to kill by his collection of dolls and, when he’s speaking as a doll, he uses a high-pitched voice. He picks women up at carnivals or on the beach and he kills them by injecting them with 100% pure cocaine. He poses their bodies with a doll beside them.

Because of the cocaine connection, homicide detective Jarrell (Dylan Baker) approaches Castillo. Castillo explains that his best men are working deep undercover, trying to take down a drug lord named Palmo (Ramy Zada). That’s right, this is yet another episode where Crockett pretends to be Burnett and Tubbs pretends to be Cooper and somehow, they’re able to get away with it despite the fact that their cover has been blown in almost every previous episode.

Delgado works for Palmo and things get even more complicated when it turns out that Delgado is Crockett and Tubbs’s connection inside Palmo’s operation. When Palmo discovers that Delgado is the killer, he puts Delgado on trial. The jury is made up of other drug dealers. Since Crockett is pretending to be a lawyer, he’s assigned to serve as Delgado’s defense counsel. Palmo tells Crockett that, unless he’s acquitted by the drug dealer jury, he’ll reveal that Crockett and Tubbs are working undercover….

This was a weird episode, It didn’t really work because Delgado was a bit too cartoonish to be taken seriously. Perhaps if the show had just made him a serial killer who killed women with cocaine, it would have worked. But the show had to go the extra step and have him talk to his dolls in a high-pitched voice. As well, this was yet another episode where we were forced to wonder if people in the Miami underworld just don’t communicate with each other. After all the drug lords that have been busted by Crockett and Tubbs, you would think that word would eventually get out about “Burnett” and “Cooper.” I mean, their cover gets blown in nearly every episode. Frank Zappa put a bounty on Crockett’s head in season 2! And yet somehow, Crockett and Tubbs are still able to walk into a drug lord’s mansion, introduce themselves as Burnett and Cooper, and not automatically get shot.

There were some definite problems with this episode but it was weird enough to at least hold one’s attention. As opposed to the episodes with the aliens and the bull semen, this episode didn’t seem like it was trying too hard to be weird. Instead, it just was genuinely weird. It was watchable and, as far as the fourth season of Miami Vice is concerned, that definitely counts as an accomplishment.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning, Miss Bliss 1.5 “Parents and Teachers”

Posted on August 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Miss Bliss almost becomes Zach’s stepmother.

Episode 1.5 “Parents and Teachers”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on December 28th, 1988)

It’s parent-teacher week! Lisa worries that her parents are going to find out that she wears makeup to school. Miss Bliss promises not to tell them. Mr. Belding worries that the parents are going to start telling principal jokes so, when he hears a few, he apparently tells a ribald joke about Gumby. (We don’t get the full details. Milo says that it involved a side of Pokey that he’d rather not think about …. GOOD GOD, WHAT THE HELL DID BELDING SAY!?)

Miss Bliss is shocked when one of the parents turns out to be Peter (Robert Pine, the sergeant from CHiPs and Chris’s father), a charming man that she met during a singles retreat. It turns out that Peter is Zach’s father….

Wait, what? Anyone who has ever watched Saved By The Bell knows that Zach’s parents are not divorced and that his father is Derek Morris, a bearded computer salesman who played baseball in college and who grounded Zach for drinking too much at a senior party. Who the Hell is this Peter Morris character? I guess, when Zach moved to California, he got a new father as well. Maybe Derek Morris was actually his stepfather and the whole reason he moved to California was because his mother remarried. But why would he bring Lisa. Screech, and Belding with him?

I don’t know. It’s questions like this that haunt me about the Miss Bliss episodes of Saved By The Bell. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Afterall, the only reason why the Good Morning Miss Bliss episodes are considered canon is because they were later added to the Saved By The Bell syndication package with newly shot scenes of Zach saying, “I remember when I was in junior high….” Really, the simplest answer to all of my questions is that the producers of Saved By The Bell just didn’t care. They didn’t care about continuity or anything else. In those pre-Internet days, they thought they could get away with forcing the Miss Bliss episodes into the SBTB universe. That’s the solution that makes the most sense but I’m a continuity person. This is going to bother me for the rest of my life, I can tell already.

Anyway, Zach is not happy that Miss Bliss is dating his father. Quite frankly, I’m not happy about it either. As a condescending know-it-all, Miss Bliss is already annoying enough without having an active social life. Fortunately, the relationship doesn’t last. Zach skips school and, when Miss Bliss catches him, she realizes that it’s simply unethical to date the father of one of her students.

“What if I send Zach to Switzerland?” Peter asks.

Gee, Peter, what if we call Child Protective Services on your ass? How would you like that? Seriously, the main message of this episode seems to be that Zach has a terrible father and Miss Bliss has terrible judgment.

Zach is really lucky he got out of Indiana.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 8/10/25 — 8/16/25

Posted on August 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Big Brother 27 (CBS, Parmounht+, Pluto TV, 24/7)

With my aunt in the hospital this week, Big Brother didn’t really interest me that much. I wrote about it over at the Big Brother Blog but there’s a part of me that no longer cares about shows like this. All of the fake drama and all of the crocodile tears don’t add up to much when you’re dealing with real drama and shedding real tears.

The Simpsons (Disney+)

Jeff and I watched a few episodes this week, out of the hope that they might cheer me up and give me a break from worrying. And they did. I enjoyed the episode with Mr, Burns’s son. I enjoyed the episode with Poochie. There was also an episode in which Homer enrolled in clown college. That made me smile.

Retro Television Review: The American Short Story #11: Paul’s Case

Posted on August 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, Lisa will be reviewing The American Short Story, which ran semi-regularly on PBS in 1974 to 1981. The entire show can be purchased on Prime and found on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Eric Roberts appears in an adaptation of a Willa Cather short story.

Episode #11: “Paul’s Case”

(Dir by Lamont Johnson, originally aired in 1980)

At the turn of the century, Paul (Eric Roberts) is a young man from Philadelphia who struggles academically and who just doesn’t seem to fit in anywhere. He comes from a poor family but he wants people to think of him as being rich and worry-free. He gets a job working at a theater and finally experiences a life other than the dreary one forced on him by his father. But eventually, Paul steals money from his job and uses it to go to New York. In New York, he lives out his fantasy of being rich and free but, after a few days, he realizes that the fantasy is only temporary. With his father coming to the city to claim him, Paul throws himself in front of train.

Based on a story by Willa Cather, Paul’s Case is an effective and heart-breaking entry in The American Short Story series. It feature a very early performance from Eric Roberts. Roberts was only 24 years old when he played Paul and he gives a poignantly vulnerable performance as a young man who simply does not fit in with the world in which he’s been born. He’s too delicate, too much of a “dandy,” for his father’s unimaginative (and homophobic) world but he’s also not rich enough to truly be a part of the exciting world that he discovers in the theater and in New York.

Perfectly capturing the tone of the source material and featuring an excellent turn from Eric Roberts, Paul’s Case is The American Short Story at its best.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.11 “Blizzard”

Posted on August 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, it snows in Boston.

Episode 2.11 “Blizzard”

(Dir by Kevin Hooks, originally aired on January 18th, 1984)

It can’t be easy working in a hospital.

I’m thinking about this today because my aunt is currently dying. After several years of suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, my aunt is currently in a hospital, unresponsive and scheduled to move into hospice care. Presbyterian Health was the first hospice we reached out to. They don’t have any available rooms but they were willing to still admit her and send their nurses to the hospital everyday until a room opened up, One family would lose a loved one and my aunt would get a room. However, the hospital says that they need the bed that my aunt is occupying so my aunt is being sent to a different hospice. This hospice is located off the highway and it’s going to be Hell to get to. I yelled at the hospital social worker for an hour this morning. He suggested home hospice as a solution but home hospice is what I agreed to for my Dad last year and the pain from watching him die still lingers.

It’s easy to get angry at the doctors and the nurses and the hospice workers but I try not to. I’m losing my aunt, a woman who stepped up to look after me after my mom died. They’re losing one of the hundreds of patients that they deal with on a daily basis. That social worker upset me but ultimately, he was doing his job.

All of this was pressing on my mind as I watched this week’s episode of St. Elsewhere. Even though this episode was aired 41 years ago, it still felt relevant today. A patient — a nice old man named Harrison Jeffries (James McEachin) — died because a teenage girl hacked the hospital’s computer, screwed with the files for fun, and accidentally erased the fact that Harrison was allergic to Demerol. It was sad but it was also something that still happens today. People, both good and bad, go into hospitals for minor procedures and concerns and they don’t come out. Last year, my Dad went to the hospital because he was in a car accident and when I first visited him, he seemed like he was doing fine. Three months later, he died because the accident aggravated his Parkinson’s. It sucks and it hurts but that’s the way it is. Tomorrow, I could forget to pack my inhaler when I leave the house and I could die of an asthma attack. It’s not nice to think about but it could happen. That’s why you have to truly live life while you can. You never know when it might be taken away.

As for the rest of this episode, it dealt with a blizzard. The roof collapsed on Dr. Cavanero and she ended up with a broken arm. Dr. Craig tried to drive to the hospital and, after his car stalled, nearly died walking through the snow. (Vijay was able to warm up Craig’s feet by placing them on his stomach. Craig was not happy.) Victor struggled with his love for Roberta. Dr. Armstrong snapped at people. Jack Morrison was depressed. Even with this blizzard, it was really just another day at St. Eligius.

St. Elsewhere is frequently downbeat show but that makes sense. When you think about, no one ever gets a happy ending.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.26 “Three Dudes And A Baby”

Posted on August 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

All good things must end.

And so must all bad things.

Episode 2.26 “Three Dudes And A Baby”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 20th, 2000)

It’s over!

After two seasons and over 50 episodes, Malibu, CA is over!

As opposed to the other Peter Engel shows that I’ve reviewed on this site, Malibu CA doesn’t get a real finale. Instead, the final episode is just another stupid 22 minutes that signify nothing. When waitress Stacie (Kristen Miller) goes out of town, Murray, Jason, and Peter take care of her baby. Awwwww …. wait a minute. Why would anyone leave their baby with those idiots?

When the three men find out that Stacie is getting divorced from her husband, all three try to step up. Murray asks Stacie to marry him. So does Jason. Peter offers to adopt her. Stacie reveals that she and her husband have decided to stay together. Are you sure, Stacie? Murray is like really rich.

Meanwhile, Lisa (the character, not me!) gets upset because her little sister is a fan of Traycee’s television show and is thinking of quitting college so she can become an actress. Lisa blames all of this on Traycee which is weird because 1) Traycee didn’t force Lisa’s sister to do anything and 2) Traycee has found a lot of success as an actress and if Traycee can do it, why can’t Lisa’s sister do it?

This is a typical Lisa story. Lisa (the character, not me!) acts like a total bitch, whines nonstop, and blames everything on Traycee, even though none of it is really Traycee’s fault. Adding the character of Lisa was one of the biggest mistakes that was Malibu CA made during its second season. The first season was pretty dire but, in the end, it was actually better than the second season and that’s entirely because the first season did not feature Lisa (the character, not me). I don’t want to be too hard on the actress who played her because it’s not exactly as if she was being given great material to work with. That said, Lisa was a poorly-written character who basically was portrayed as always being annoyed with something. The fact that the finale of the show focuses on her as opposed to wrapping up the stories of Jason and Scott says a lot about why this show was the most forgettable of all of the Peter Engel-produced sitcoms.

And so, Malibu CA comes to a close and there’s really not much to say about it. Peter Engel tried to work his Saved By The Bell/California Dreams/Hang Time magic but the show never really found a consistent tone and neither of the Collins brothers were particularly likable protagonists. It’s really not a shock that neither Jason Hayes nor Trevor Merszei went on to have acting careers after this show ended.

On a positive note, Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor were consistently amusing, if just because they were smart enough to embrace the oddness of their characters. And Ed Blatchford had his moments as the father figure. Otherwise, this was a forgettable sitcom that signified the end of an era.

Next week, something new will be coming to TSL in this timeslot. What will it be? We’ll find out next Thursday!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.5 “Play Me Or Trade Me”

Posted on August 13, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, an injury leads to the promise of sex …. or does it?

Episode 1.5 “Play Me Or Trade Me”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 23rd, 1984)

Carl Whitherspoon, the star running back who is always demanding more money, is injured while filming a commercial for a rental car company. (“Call OJ,” the commercial’s director says when it becomes obvious that Carl won’t be able to jump over any more luggage.) The Bulls are struggling and Coach Denardo wants a championship but his star player is out for four weeks!

It’s time to trade! Unfortunately, the only way that the Bulls are going to be able to get the running back they want is by trading their aging quarterback, Bob Dorsey. Dana is upset about losing Bob but then she realizes she can finally have sex with him if he’s no longer a Bull and she decides that she’s okay with the trade.

But then the running back that the Bulls were hoping to trade for is injured so the trade is called off. So, Dana can’t have sex with Bob. But Bob still leads the team to victory. Actually, the team wins because Bubba (Prince Hughes) blocks a field goal with his oversized ass. (That’s not me being rude. Bubba’s weight and the size of his ass is a running theme on this show.) The Bulls are now 5-3 and I guess they don’t need a running back after all.

The main theme of this episode seemed to be that Dana needs to get laid. I liked the chemistry between Delta Burke and Geoffrey Scott. And the scene where Carl injured himself made me laugh just because of Sam Scarber’s over-the-top facial expressions as he crashed into a table. Otherwise, this episode was pretty forgettable.