If the next presidential election were held today and the major candidates were Frankenstein, Dracula, and The Mummy, who would win?
I know that’s a question that has been on everyone’s mind and, in order to find out, I went to the Internet Archive and ran the scenario through a game called President Elect. President Elect was developed as an election simulator in the 80s and it is still considered to be one of the best and most accurate games of its type. Over the years, President Elect has correctly predicted the results of almost every election since 1988.
After setting the game to duplicate both the fragile state of the American economy and the uncertain outlook of our current place in the world, I then selected my three nominees. Frankenstein’s Monster ran as the Democratic candidate. He had no platform, beyond more funds for fire prevention. As a public speaker, I had to give him a low rating and I also had to admit that he wasn’t good at maintaining his cool under pressure. However, I did give him high marks on the “personal magnetism” scale because people have been fascinated by the monster for over two hundred years. Frankenstein’s Monster may seemed like the underdog but perhaps voters would be moved by his personal story and his refusal to take definite positions on the issues.
Running for the Republicans was Dracula. As for as public speaking, personal magnetism, and staying calm under pressure, Dracula got the highest rating available. But his platform was undeniably extreme, with absolutely no concern for human rights. Dracula was the only candidate to be opposed to the agendas of the Religious Right, the National Organization for Women, and the NRA. (The last thing that a vampire would want would be for everyone to have access to silver bullets.) Would he be too extreme for the voters?
Finally, running as an independent was the Mummy. The Mummy had roughly the same platform as Dracula but little of the personal magnetism. In fact, the Mummy could not even speak. But he was determined to get what he wanted and again, he scored high on the personal magnetism because he’s been in so many movies despite spending all of his time under wraps.
I allowed the game to simulate the 9 weeks between Labor Day and the election. Not surprisingly, Frankenstein’s Monster refused to debate Dracula. As a third party candidate, the Mummy struggled to keep up financially. I was expecting a close election with a lot of fireworks but instead, it was clear from week one who was going to win. Dracula led in the polls from the start and, within the first hour of election night, he had the 270 electoral votes necessary to claim the presidency. He went on to win a lot more than just 270 though.
Here are the votes by state:
America went full Dracula, not only giving him 60% of the popular vote but also 535 electoral votes. Frankenstein’s Monster won only the District of Columbia and, even then, he only received 67% of the vote in this Democratic stronghold. After D.C., Frankenstein’s best states were Minnesota and Rhode Island, in which he took 47% of the vote. The Mummy turned out not to be a factor at all, despite winning 5% of the vote in Florida. Frankenstein’s Monster may have had the most compassionate platform but Dracula had the charisma. His best states were Idaho and Utah, both of which he won with 71% of the vote.
See you at the inauguration!
Through the Shattered Lens 