Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.1 “Nearer My God To Thee”

Posted on January 26, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, we begin the third season!

Episode 3.1 “Nearer My God To Thee”

(Dir by Tim Hunter, originally aired on October 14th, 1994)

The third season of Homicide opens with a disgusted Stan Bolander watching a relatively tame soap opera in the breakroom. He’s offended by the fact that two of the show’s characters are shown in bed. To Bolander, that’s the equivalent of pornography on network television. Lewis points out that television execs force showrunners to add sex in order to bring in ratings. Munch mentions that it’s strange that television is allowed to show sex but not nudity. Munch then goes on to predict that there will soon be hundreds of channels, a channel for every interest. There will be channels about animals and religion and politics and soon, anything you want to see will be at your finger tips and it will lead to people becoming dull and lazy. John Munch, super prophet!

Hmmm …. do you think maybe Tom Fontana, who wrote this script and was one of Homicide’s executive producers, was maybe venting some of his own frustration over the demands that NBC was making in return for giving a third season to the critically acclaimed but low-rated Homicide? Because the third season premiere of Homicide is a bit different from the previous two seasons. For one thing, Jon Polito is no longer in the cast. (Lewis mentions that Crosetti is on vacation in Atlantic City.) Isabelle Hofman, who is certainly more attractive than anyone who has previously appeared on the show, has joined the cast as Lt. Megan Russert, the second shift commander. And this episode features its share of nudity and sex.

At the same time, it’s still an excellent episode of Homicide. Isabelle Hofman gives a tough and no-nonsense performance as Russert and, by the end of the episode, she seems as if she belongs in the ensemble as much as her less glamorous castmates. And this episode has its share of sex and nudity but it’s all essential to the plot. This episode lets us know that, for now, Homicide is a show that can adjust without losing its integrity.

The episode’s case is a red ball (which is a term used to indicate it’s a case that’s going to get media attention). Katharine Goodrich, the 30 year-old founder of a shelter for battered women, has been found dead in a dumpster, nude except for a pair of long white cotton gloves, the type of gloves that you might expect to see at a royal procession but not at a crime scene. Russert’s shift has picked up the case and, to everyone’s horror, the incompetent and racist Roger Gaffney (Walt MacPherson) is the primary detective. The brass ask Giardello to keep an eye on Russert because they feel she’s too inexperienced to handle the investigation. Giardello (and let’s take a moment to acknowledge just how wonderful Yaphet Kotto was in this role) calls in his own detectives to help out the second shift. As you might have guessed, the two shifts do not have much respect for each other. It’s chaos, especially when Gaffney and Pembleton nearly come to blows over Gaffney’s racism, Russert defuses the situation and the scene, to be honest, is a bit overwritten. From the first minute she appeared in the episode, Hofman has been credible as a detective and a lieutenant so writing one heavy-handed scene just so she can further prove herself feels almost an insult to the strength of her performance. Hofman (and Russert) has already proven herself without having to dare Pembleton to shoot Gaffney and throw his life away.

That said, this was a strong episode. Goodrich was a devout Catholic and Pembleton and Bayliss discuss their own views on religion. Bayliss has tried out all the Protestant denominations (even the — *snort* — Unitarians) and is a bit of a cynic. Pembleton was educated by Jesuits and says at one point that, “There are two types of Catholics. Devout and fallen. I fell.” It’s a scene that could have been awkward but Andre Braugher and Kyle Secor pull it off wonderfully. Secor, especially, has really come into his own. Bayliss is no longer the awkward and earnest rookie from the first season. In fact, Bayliss has so come into his own that he agrees to invest in a bar with Lewis and Munch. They’re burying the Waterfront!

(Before Bayliss offers to invest, there’s a humorous scene where Much and Lewis try to convince Bolander to not only invest but to also be the bar’s mascot. “A big man deserves a big meal,” Munch says. Bolander — who I’m happy to say is far less whiny in this episode than he was during the previous two seasons — is not interested. It’s kind of funny how Munch basically hero worships a guy who really seems like he wants nothing to do with him outside of work.)

Kay spends the episode taking calls from Felton’s wife, Beth (Mary B. Ward). Beth recently kicked Felton out of the house because she thought Felton was cheating on her. Felton admits to Kay that he is cheating on her. When Kay isn’t running interference for her partner, she’s defending Russert when the other detectives insinuate that Russert must be slept her way to the top. Kay lists all of Russert’s qualifications and commendations. Yay, Kay! You tell them! Later, Russert sees Kay looking exhausted and snaps at her to get to work. “Bitch,” Kay mutters. Ouch! Still, I laughed.

Felton breaks into his house to retrieve a suit, just to be confronted by Beth. An obviously unstable Beth proceeds to take a pair of scissors to Felton’s jacket before then stripping down to her underwear, getting in bed, and asking Felton to leave so she can get some sleep. (I’m going to guess that rather disturbing and deliberately anti-erotic scene was Fontana’s subversive answer to the NBC execs who asked him to sex up the show a little.) Later, Russert finally goes home to get some rest and check in on her daughter. Felton shows up at her front door and, after he tells her the one of his leads on the Goodrich murder went dry, she responds by passionately kissing him. Now, we know where Felton has been going whenever Beth kicks him out.

As for the Goodrich murder, it turns out that, despite what everyone assumed, she was not raped. After a nun tells Pembleton and Bayliss that Katherine never wore gloves, Pembleton deduces the gloves were put on her body after she was killed. Gaffney insists that Katherine’s murderer was probably the boyfriend of one of the women at the shelter but Pembleton disagrees. (This leads to the fight that I mentioned earlier.) While Russert wants to keep the gloves out of the news, a smarmy reporter (Tony Todd) threatens to reveal their existence unless she agrees to come to him first with any developments. As the episode ends, Pembleton and Bayliss are canvassing the crime scene and it’s hard not to notice that they are now the ones wearing white gloves, rubber in this case. Bayliss says its pointless to keep canvassing the crime scene. But then he and Pembleton spot a storage shed with a busted lock. As they open the door, the end credits begin.

To be continued!

What a great way start to season 3. Yes, I realize that this case is pretty much the exact opposite of the gritty, pointless murders that the first two seasons focused on but still, I am now very much wondering who killed Katherine Goodrich and why they put the gloves on her hands. I hope this won’t be another unsolvable Adena Watson case. Fortunately, I have total faith in Frank Pembleton.

I can’t wait to see what happens next week!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 3.5 “Not For Commercial Use”

Posted on January 25, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the news comes to Cobb’s!

Episode 3.5 “Not For Commercial Use”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 18th, 1987)

The local news station is coming down to Cobb’s to do a story on how things have changed at the store now that the company is under new management.

Really?

Is it just a super slow news day or something? The insinuation is that it’s actually going to be a 30-minute news special, all about an obscure grocery store in the suburbs of Ontario. (In this episode, Check It Out! finally admits that the show is taking place in Canada.) I mean, even if it is a slow news day, I just can’t imagine that a thirty-minute story about Cobb’s would be a huge ratings grabber.

Howard is excited about the idea of being on television. He calls his Aunt Lil and promises to tug on his ear so that she’ll know that he’s thinking of her. Howard imagines himself as a TV star. There’s Howard hosting a talk show! There’s Howard as a tough detective. It’s all kind of silly but, in its way, kind of cute. Howard is a lot more likable this season than he was during the previous two seasons. And Don Adams, who can sometimes seem a bit indifferent when it comes to playing Howard, actually gave a lively performance in this episode.

TC Collingwood (Elizabeth Hanna), who I guess is supposed to be the liaison between the store and the corporate offices, does not want Howard to appear on TV. She feels that Howard is a bit too …. I guess “dorky” would be the right term to use here. She thinks that Howard is going to embarrass the store with his bad jokes and his Bogart impersonation. TC would rather focus on employees like Leslie, who now wears a chef’s hat and who has apparently transferred from working as a cashier to working in the deli.

(One thing that I’ve noticed is that, during season 3, the show finally hired enough extras to make the store seem like a real place. There are now employees and shoppers all over the place. Marlene is no longer the only cashier and Leslie appears to have a good crew working with him at the deli)

As for Howard, he does manage to get on television. He simply cannot be stopped! He wanders in front of the camera. He tells bad jokes. He does even worse impersonations. TC ends up locking him in a meat locker but it turns out that the CEO of the company really enjoyed Howard and his antics. Good for Howard, I guess.

This episode continued this season’s pattern of being far better than the two that came before it. For once, every member of the cast was allowed a chance to shine. This episode was worth watching for Viker’s attempt to tell a knock knock joke alone. Check It Out! was a deeply silly show but at least in the third season it’s finally got consistently funny.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/19/25 — 1/25/25

Posted on January 25, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here are just a few (admittedly, very few) thoughts on what I watched this week!

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Unlike the characters in Abbott Elementary, I’m not a fan of the American Labor Movement but I still enjoyed this week’s episode about a bus strike. The remote learning stuff was definitely the highlight of the episodes.

Dark (Netflix)

Case and I are continuing to watch this German show on Netflix. It’s a very intriguing saga of time travel and murder.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox)

Without Brandon in the competition, who cares? It seems kind of obvious that Egypt’s going to win.

Kitchen Nightmares (Tuesday Night, Fox)

Chef Ramsay saved another restaurant in New Orleans. That’s good and all but I still wouldn’t want to eat anywhere that’s been featured on Kitchen Nightmares. Once a mess, always a mess. At least, that’s the way that I view things as far as food preparation is concerned.

The Oscar Nominations (Thursday Morning, Hulu)

The nominations didn’t do much for me this year. Honestly, I have to wonder how long it’s going to be until ABC dumps the Oscars and the ceremony is reduced to just streaming on Hulu. It’s going to happen sooner or later.

The Presidential Inauguration (Monday, C-Span)

I’m thankful for C-Span. I was able to watch the whole thing without any commentary for either side.

I also watched and reviewed:

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.15 “Barbarino’s Baby”

Posted on January 25, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, a longtime Sweathog makes his final appearance.

Episode 4.15 “Barbarino’s Baby”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on February 3rd, 1979)

This episode was John Travolta’s final appearance as Vinnie Barbarino. That means no more visits to his ugly apartment, no more confusion as to whether or not Barbarino is actually still enrolled in high school, and no more of John Travolta trying his best to give a good performance while the rest of the cast sleep walk through their roles. Seriously, you have to admire that Travolta was still trying to give a good performance even under the weird circumstances of the fourth season. The studio audience was going to cheer no matter what Travolta did. Travolta could have just shrugged off the entire show and character. I’m sure the temptation to do so was there. Instead, he did his best.

His final episode really isn’t worth the effort, though, Barbarino wants to get promoted from scrubbing the floors of the hospital to working in the emergency room. The head nurse says that there’s no way someone as dumb as Barbarino could be trusted in the ER. Barbarino asks Mr. Woodman to write a letter. Julie takes it upon herself to call the hospital and put in a good word for him. As for Gabe …. he’s not in this episode. Gabe does nothing!

Maybe Barbarino would get promoted if his idiot friends weren’t always hanging out at the hospital. Seriously, does that group have nothing better to do than hang out in the world’s ugliest medical facility? Couldn’t they go hang out on Christopher Street with Horshack or something? Remember when the Sweathogs were an actual gang who committed crimes? Epstein was once voted most likely to kill someone. Freddie used to get accused of stealing every other week. Beau showed up and they all got wimpy.

Anyway, Barbarino and the Sweathogs get on an elevator with a pregnant woman. The elevator stops between floors. The woman goes into labor. Time for Barbarino and the Sweathogs to deliver a baby …. *sigh*. Seriously, there is nothing more stress-inducing than the idea of a bunch of 30 year-old high school students delivering a baby. The important thing is that the head nurse is able to talk Barbarino through the delivery and Barbarino gets his promotion! Barbarino is going to the ER! That’s good news for Horshack because there’s no way he’s not going to end up getting his stomach pumped in the ER eventually.

And that’s John Travolta’s final episode of Welcome Back, Kotter. It’s a bit of a let down, considering how important the character of Vinnie Barbarino was to the success of the show. Imagine if The Office finale only allowed Michael Scott to appear for two minutes and only gave him one line of dialogue? THAT WOULD BE INSANE!

I can only wonder what the rest of this show is going to be like without Kotter and Barbarino. My fear is that it’s going to involve a lot of Horshack, We’ll find out. There’s only a few episodes left!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.25 “The Prisoner”

Posted on January 24, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, Johnny goes to prison!

Episode 2.25 “The Prisoner”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on June 5th, 1989)

After Johnny Ventura’s father is killed by an invisible man….

Wait, what’s Johnny doing here?

No, don’t get me wrong. I understand why Johnny’s there, mostly because I have the benefit of hindsight. I know that Johnny is going to replace Ryan during the third season and this episode was obviously designed to get the audience used to the idea of Johnny being a part of the show. The majority of the episode follows Johnny as he’s sent to prison, having been framed for murdering his own father. The culprit is another prisoner, Dayton Railsback (Larry Joshua). Dayton has a kamikaze pilot’s jacket that allows him to turn invisible whenever blood is spilled on it. Whenever Dayton’s invisible, he sneaks out of the prison and searches for some money that he stole ten years earlier. Johnny is the only person in the prison who knows what Railsback is doing so soon, he’s being targeted by the invisible man.

While Johnny is dealing with life in prison, Micki, Ryan, and Jack are attempting to prove that Railsback is the murderer. It’s a bit odd because the three of them — our stars! — are barely in the episode and, when they do appear, they’re just hanging out in the antique shop. They talk about all of the investigating that they’ve been doing but we don’t actually see them doing it. Watching the episode, one gets the feeling that John D. LeMay, Robey, and Chris Wiggins all shot their scenes in one day and then left on an extended vacation. They showed up just long enough to establish this as being an episode of Friday the 13th, despite the fact that almost the entire episode is about Johnny.

Needless to say, it was a bit of a disjointed episode. The show kept jumping from Johnny in prison to Railsback killing people outside of prison to everyone hanging out in the antique shop and it was a bit difficult to keep track of who was planning what. Myself, I was surprised at how quickly the show went from Johnny’s father being murdered to Johnny getting tossed into prison. We don’t even see Johnny’s trial. Johnny was passed out when his father was shot and, quite frankly, it seems like he could have made a very credible argument that he was framed. (The invisible Railsback puts the gun in Johnny’s hands but he doesn’t manipulate Johnny into pulling the trigger so it’s not like there would have been any powder residue on Johnny’s fingers.) Johnny and his father appeared to have a pretty good relationship so you really have to wonder what type of case the prosecution made. The episode ends with Johnny killing Railsback and then being released from prison. So, is Johnny going to have to on trial again? I mean, he just stood there while Railsback burned to death.

Weird episode. It didn’t do too much for me. I’m going to miss Ryan once season 3 starts.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.9 “Rain”

Posted on January 24, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, a famous face shows up in the ER!

Episode 1.9 “Rain”

(Dir by Victor Hsu, originally aired on January 3rd, 1983)

Last night, after writing my review of Goodfellas, I watched the ninth episode of St. Elsewhere and there was Ray Liotta!

Liotta played Murray, a young man who came into the ER with a deep cut on his back. Orderly Luther took one look at him and decided that he was a member of the same gang who mugged Fiscus a few episodes ago. Luther then told Fiscus right before Fiscus was due to stitch Murray up. Murray was indeed rude but Fiscus wasn’t particularly polite to him. Fiscus didn’t stich up Murray’s wound but he did pull his gun on him. Murray fled the ER and, after knocking over several doctors who were in his way, he jumped out of a window and escaped from St. Eligius.

As for Fiscus, he got a stern talking to from Dr. Westphall. Westphall ordered Fiscus to get rid of the gun and told him that if he ever brought a weapon to work again, his residency would come to an end. Fiscus agreed to not bring the gun to the ER anymore but he later told Dr. Chandler that he was terrified for his life. I’ve been critical of Howie Mandel’s performance on this show but he actually did a pretty good job in this episode. He was able to hold his own while sharing the screen with Denzel Washington. That’s quite an accomplishment.

While Dr. Westphall yelled at Fiscus, Dr. Craig yelled at Ehrlich for spraining his pinkie while playing handball. Dr. Craig demands to know how Ehrlich will ever make it as a surgeon if he doesn’t protect his hands. Ehrlich spends the entire day trying to protect his hands and he continually fails. (Ehrlich’s a bit of a klutz.) Finally, Ehrlich storms into Craig’s office and interrupts a meeting to announce that he’s going to continue to play handball. Craig shrugs and dismissively says, “He’s from California.”

As for the rest of this episode, it took place over one very long and rainy day. Peter is still struggling as both a doctor and a husband. When his daughter (a very young Candace Cameron Bure) was rushed to the hospital after eating mothballs, Peter blamed his wife and his wife blamed Peter. Returning home from the hospital, Peter nearly hit his wife after she tossed his dinner on the floor. It was scary to watch. I’m getting a bad feeling about what’s going to happen with this marriage.

Dr. Morrison made the mistake of making a house call and soon, he discovered himself constantly being called by Mr. Lukovic (George Morfogen) whenever any of Lukovic’s neighbors were taken ill. Morrison kept telling Lukovic to take his friends to the hospital but Lukovic talked about how, in the past, doctors would always make house calls. When Morrison finally refused to go to Lukovic’s building, Lukovic brought his neighbor to the hospital. The neighbor was in cardiac arrest but Morrison managed to get his heart beating again. Rather than be thankful, Lukovic blamed Morrison for not responding to his call. Morrison lost his temper and told Lukovic that he couldn’t keep living in the past. “I will not call you again,” Lukovic replied. Roll the end credits!

This was a pretty good episode, one that not only answered the question of why doctors don’t make housecalls but also which featured Ray Liotta being tough and dangerous. There were a few annoying scenes involving the guy who thinks that he’s a bird but otherwise, this was a well-done and rainy hour.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.10 “Man to Man”

Posted on January 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week’s episode made me cry.

Episode 3.10 “Man to Man”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 26th, 1986)

As so often happens on this show, the episode begins with Mark visiting an old friend. Luke Morgan (Joe Dorsey) grew up with Mark but, while Mark became a blue collar policeman, Luke went on to become a fabulously wealthy tycoon. That actually seems a bit odd to me. I mean, why has Mark never mentioned having a millionaire friend before? All of the times that Jonathan and Mark have had to deal with other millionaires, Mark has always acted like he’s had no experience being around wealthy people. Now, suddenly, we discover that Mark just happens to have a millionaire friend?

Anyway, Luke invites Jonathan and Mark to stay at his mansion and that’s a good thing because Luke is their mission for the week. Luke devoted so much time to building up his business that he often wasn’t around when his son, Gary (Lee Montgomery, the kid who got crushed by the chimney in Burnt Offerings), was growing up. Now Gary is in his twenties and his relationship with his father is strained. Gary spends all of time lifting weights and working with his computers. Luke wants to take a road trip with Gary but Gary refuses. Mark makes a bet with Gary. If Mark can lift more weight than Gary, Gary will go on the trip. Jonathan temporarily gives Mark “the stuff.” Mark wins the bet. Gary goes on the trip!

Luke, it turns out, is dying. He has Leukemia and he doesn’t have much time left. He wants to patch things up with his son before he dies but he doesn’t want Gary to know that he’s dying. Mark, realizing that Gary needs to know, tells Gary anyway. Gary accuses Mark of lying but then he realizes that his father actually is dying. Gary stops being a brat and he and his father enjoy their last road trip together. Eventually, Gary reveals that he knows the truth. He knows that Luke is dying. Gary finally says that he loves his father and Luke says the loves his child.

And that’s pretty much the episode! This was a pretty simple episode but it still made me cry. It makes me think about all the people in my life who have passed on. Every moment that you have with someone is precious and I think that people tend to take those moments for granted. You never know when someone could get into a wreck while trying to drive home from the store. I know when my Dad was in his car accident last May, I never expected him to die in August. I’d give anything to have those final moments back.

This episode is sentimental and earnest and heavy-handed but it is also an example of what Highway to Heaven does so well.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.25 “The Yacht”

Posted on January 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jason and Scott do something stupid!

Episode 1.25 “The Yacht”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 16th, 1999)

Because they’re dumbasses, Scott and Jason accidentally destroy their father’s new watch. At first, they try to do the right thing and buy him a new watch. But it turns out that watch cost $2,000!

How can they possibly raise $2,000?

Hey, here’s an idea! Maybe they can just borrow Murray’s yacht and throw a casino night! (Actually, the yacht belongs to Murray’s father but whatever.) Surely, that’ll be enough to raise $2,000!

Uhmm …. hey, guys? Let’s think about this logically. It’s a casino night. Now, admittedly, you’ve got the yacht for free because it belongs to Murray’s Dad. Still, you have to rent (or buy) all of the slot machines, roulette wheels, and poker tables that are necessary for a casino night. You have to pay the dealers at each table. You probably have to pay security to keep an eye on all the money that’s floating around. You have to pay for all the refreshments. If you have the money to put on a casino night then guess what? YOU’VE GOT THE MONEY TO REPLACE YOUR DAD’S WATCH!

Good Lord, this show is stupid!

Anyway, Murray shows up at casino night wearing a white captain’s uniform and for once, I agreed with the audiences applause. Murray looked good! Brandon Brooks has been this season’s saving grace and he was the best thing about this episode. Unfortunately, Murray panics when he hears that his father is coming home early. He tries to steer the yacht back to the docks and instead, he accidentally hits a reef. The $2,000,000 yacht sinks!

We have spent this entire season hearing about what a monster Murray’s Dad is. This is the first episode in which he actually appears and he turns out to actually be a pretty cool guy. Yes, he’s upset that his yacht sank. And yes, Murray’s in some trouble. But Murray’s dad says he’s still proud of Murray for taking responsibility. Awww, what a great guy!

And what a stupid episode!

Actually, speaking of stupid, check out the B-plot. Stads wants to star in a film about lifeguard training. Since Traycee’s an actress, she agrees to teach Stads how to perform on camera. Stads accepts Traycee’s help but doesn’t ever really seem to appreciate it. As you can probably guess, Traycee ends up with the role and Stads gets even more upset. At this point, I’m a little bit bored with episodes that center around Stads getting upset about stuff. Stads is always upset about something. Even when something good happens to her, Stads gets upset about it. Stads started out as an interesting character but, halfway through the season, the show’s writers decided to just make her into a permanent killjoy.

Speaking of killing joy, this season is nearly over! Next week, season one comes to a close.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.6 “The Hole”

Posted on January 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters goes to Vietnam.

Episode 3.6 “The Hole”

(Dir by David Severeid, originally aired on November 4th, 1990)

At the height of the Vietnam War, two U.S. Marines and their guide stumble upon a hole in the middle of a deserted village. Lowering themselves into the hole, they find a complex maze of tunnels. The Viet Cong dug the tunnels so that they could move and smuggle weapons without being seen by their enemies. But as the guide (played by Glenn Kubota) explains it, they dug their tunnels so deep that they awakened a far more evil power.

More evil than communism? This is a scary episode!

Soon, Sgt. Kenner (Ahmad Rashad) and Corporal Torres (Antone Pagan) find themselves being pursued through the tunnels by zombies. Kenner is determined to fight and destroy as many of the undead as possible. Torres just wants to get out of the tunnels. But it turns out that finding their way out is not as easy as Kenner and Torres assumed it would be. And the men are definitely at a disadvantage because the zombies know the maze. The maze is their home.

This episode is surprisingly straight-forward. There aren’t any huge twists or anything of that sort. Three men enter a tunnel system and find themselves being pursued by zombies. The underground maze of tunnels is properly atmospheric location and I did jump a few times when the zombies suddenly appeared coming around a corner. The zombie makeup was well-done and this episode was a bit gorier than the average episode of Monsters. The special effects brought to mind the grotesque imagery of the Italian zombie films. This episode owed quite a bit to the legacy of Lucio Fulci.

That said, I do wish the episode had been a bit more surprising. It was so straight-forward that it actually become a bit predictable. I’ve seen enough George Romero films to know exactly what was going to happen to each person who entered the maze. The episode was brutally effective but it’s still hard not to feel that the plot needed an unexpected twist that just didn’t come. In fact, as I watched the episode, I found myself thinking about how a film like Cannibal Apocalypse managed to make a powerful statement about the horror of war by portraying Vietnam vets who had been infected by the cannibal virus while serving in the conflict. I also thought about how Fulci, at his best, crafted zombie films that reminded us of just how fragile the human body actually is. There wasn’t much subtext to found in The Hole and that’s a shame because often the most interesting thing about a zombie story is the subtext.

Still, the episode worked in its own crude way. The undead are frightening, no matter where they appear.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.14 “Good Neighbors/Captain’s Portrait/Familiar Faces”

Posted on January 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Captain Stubing poses for a portrait.

Episode 5.14 “Good Neighbors/Captain’s Portrait/Familiar Faces”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on January 9th, 1982)

Don York (Sonny Shroyer) is an ad man who is so famous that even Gopher knows who he is. Don gets really excited when he sees Doris Weldon (Arlene Golonka) boarding the boat. Don rushes over and starts to hit on her. He even notices that, according to the tag on her luggage, they live in the same building in Los Angeles! They’re neighbors! Too bad Doris refuses to date anyone who lives in the same building as her. Don spends the entire cruise trying to get Doris to reconsider. Personally, I suspected that Doris was just using the “neighbor” thing as an excuse to avoid telling Don that he’s very annoying and kind of pushy. Stuff like that never happens on The Love Boat, though. Instead, Doris is definitely attracted to Don but she doesn’t want him living next door. Will things work out for Don and Doris?

Stan (Dean Butler) and Laura Barber (Mary Beth McDonough) are newlyweds. Stan has the bar exam coming up so he’s brought his law books with him on his honeymoon. (Boo! Nerd!) Stan’s future seems bright until he sees that Frank Jenson (Henry Jones) is also on the cruise. Frank once owned the liquor store where Stan used to hang out when he was an alcoholic. Stan apologizes for stealing from the store. Frank accuses Stan of beating him up, something that Stan says didn’t happen. Will things work for Stan, Laura, and Frank?

Of course, things will work out for them. The is The Love Boat and things always work out on The Love Boat! Both of the stories were okay but they were also kind of boring and predictable. The more interesting story for this cruise featured Lee Meriwether as Barbara Baden, an artist who has been hired by the cruise line to paint a picture of Captain Stubing. Apparently, any captain who sticks with the line for ten years gets their picture painted and hung in the corporate offices.

As you can probably already guess, the Captain and the artist end up falling for each other. And if you didn’t already guess that Barbara’s portrait of the Captain would be a nude portrait that she ends up doing from memory after they become lovers, you’ve really never watched an episode of The Love Boat before. Fortunately, it’s also an abstract painting and no one knows that they’re looking at a nude painting of the Captain. In fact, the painting is so abstract that I get the feeling that the cruise line isn’t going to demand its money back. This story was entertaining due to how uncomfortable Stubing was with being painted. Gavin MacLeod did a good job portraying his nervousness and his panic when he discovered the painting was about to be unveiled made me chuckle a little.

Overall, this was kind of a bland episode. But at least the scenery was pleasant. It still provided a nice hour away from reality.