Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.12 “Dee Dee’s Dilemma/Julie’s Blind Date/The Prize Winner”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episode 7.12 “Dee Dee’s Dilemma/Julie’s Blind Date/The Prize Winner”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 3rd, 1983)

A detective (Don Gordon) tells Isaac and Gopher that he suspects a woman named Doris will be boarding the boat.  She’s supposed to testify in a high-profile divorce case and she’s been dodging the process servers.  The detective mentions that there’s a reward for turning Doris in.  That definitely get Gopher and Isaac’s attention.

And Doris (Markie Post) is on the boat!  Except she is pretending to be a teenager named Dee Dee and she’s speaking in an annoying squeaky voice.  Jerry Howard (Clark Brandon) meets Dee Dee and develops a crush on her.  Meanwhile, Jerry’s father, Phil (Geoffrey Scott), meets Doris and develops a crush of his own!  In the end, Doris falls in love with Phil and Jerry …. well, Jerry gets his heart broken but he claims not to care.  Phil is amused.  As for the divorce case, it’s settled so Doris doesn’t have to testify after all!

(And no, there’s no reward for Isaac and Gopher.  In fact, Stubing threatens to fire them.)

While that’s going on, author Daniel Baker (Tom Poston) wants to enjoy a romantic cruise with his wife (Abby Dalton) but he’s being blackmailed by his assistant, Wendy  (Leslie Easterbrook).  Wendy knows that Daniel plagiarized sections of his book and she threatens to reveal the truth unless Daniel has an affair with her.  This is one of those storylines that would have worked better if some different casting choices had been made.  As it is, noted sex symbol Tom Poston feels miscast.

Finally, Julie has a blind date boarding the boat.  He turns out to be a nerdy, overweight guy named Leonard Gluck (Walter Olkewicz).  Julie has nothing in common with Leonard and is planning on dumping him.  But then Leonard dumps her first and Julie has a crisis of confidence.  This story had the potential to reveal a new side of Julie but, in the end, Leonard revealed that he only dumped Julie to make her like him and Julie’s confidence was restored, along with her rule about not dating fat guys.

This was not a great cruise.  It took me two minutes to get sick of Dee Dee’s voice.  Oh well — not every trip can be a winner!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.18 “Caretakers”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops go after pharmaceutical smugglers.

Episode 3.18 “Caretakers”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on March 8th, 1998)

This week, a drug company is smuggling and distributing black market pharmaceuticals.  Leslie Jordan plays Bo, the crazy man who lives in a storage unit and who has figured out what the company is doing.  When he gets shot in the back, Chris feels guilty because she refused to listen to his ramblings earlier.  After undergoing hypnosis to search for clues as to who shot Bo, Chris goes undercover as a potential drug buyer.  It always amuses me whenever any member of the bike patrol goes undercover.  None of them are capable of not coming across as being a cop and that’s especially true in Chris’s case.  Everything from the way they talk to the way they glare at everyone to the way they stand just a little bit too rigidly screams, “Cop!”  And yet the criminals never seem to catch on.

Meanwhile, Victor’s mother is deathly ill and needs some drugs to save her life.  Luckily, the local priest has connections.  But can Victor set aside whatever his issue is with the church?  Does anyone care?  I mean, I’m glad that Victor’s mom is alive at the end of the episode but Victor isn’t that interesting of a character.

We are three season into Pacific Blue and none of the characters are really interesting enough to carry the show.  Even the lifeguards on Baywatch had more personality than the members of the bike patrol.  The main thing that I’ll remember about this episode is that, even when they were keeping an eye on Chris working undercover, the cops all brought their bicycles.

The important thing is that Leslie Jordan survives his injuries.  At the end of the episode, TC locks Chris in the Bo’s storage unit so that she’ll be forced to listen to his conspiracy theories.  I guess TC’s okay with not getting any for a month.

I’d like this show better if the rode motorcycles.

 

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 1.8 “Belding’s Baby”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

This week’s episode is so annoying.

Episode 1.8 “Belding’s Baby”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 30th, 1993)

Ugh, this episode.

First off, I totally forgot that Mr. and Mrs. Belding named their son after Zack Morris.  They did this because, during the original series, Zack helped deliver his namesake when he and Mrs. Belding ended up trapped in an elevator.  While that was nice of Zack to do, I still have to wonder at the logic of naming your son after an unrepentant sociopath.

Anyway, Mr. Belding needs help looking after baby Zack.  Scott volunteers to babysit him in order to get out of detention.  Scott and the gang take baby Zack to the movies.  Scott meets a girl named Ashley (Katy Barnhill), whose mother is a baby photographer who is seeking models.  So, Scott pretends to be Zack Belding’s older brother and he and his friends try to get Baby Zack to the studio without Mr. Belding figuring things out.  But when Belding takes his son to the Maxx, Weasel and Vicki have to dress up as Mr. Belding’s parents and….

Ugh, this is stupid.

It’s not even stupid in an amusing way.  Scott lies about being Zack’s brother.  There was absolutely no reason for Scott to lie.  Ashley liked Scott from the start so Scott could have just said he was babysitting.  For that matter, Mr. Belding could have hired a babysitter instead of entrusting his baby to the least responsible students in the entire school.  This whole thing could have been straightened out by everyone not being an idiot.  That’s not funny.  It’s just annoying.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Also, we are eight episodes and Tommy D is still saying things to Scott like, “I’m impressed, kid,” as if he hasn’t known Scott for half of the school year already.  And why does it matter if Tommy’s impressed?  Tommy doesn’t ever do anything.  He’s not a schemer.  He just stands around and smiles.  I imagine everyone impresses Tommy.

Dumb, dumb episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.12 “Mitchell & Woods”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week …. hey, what is this!?

Episode 5.12 “Mitchell & Woods”

(Dir by Bernard L. Kowalski, originally aired on December 18th, 1981)

Paula Woods (Jayne Kennedy) and Melanie Mitchell (Cindy Morgan) may have once just been two members of the highway patrol who were trained by Ponch but they’ve now been promoted to working as plainclothes detectives in Ocean City!

“Look out Ocean City!” Jon Baker says.

When an old high school friend of Michell’s is murdered, Mitchell and Woods uncover a male prostitution ring.  Along with bringing the guilty to justice, they also help Chickee (Pamela Susan Shoop) find the courage to leave her abusive relationship….

No, there’s not much motorcycle action.  No, there’s no slow motion car crashes.  Yes, this is an episode of CHiPs.  Well, kind of.

It’s actually a backdoor pilot for a show about Mitchell and Woods.  Ponch and Baker show up at the start of the show to wish Mitchell and Woods luck.  Ponch and Baker return halfway through the show so that Ponch can tell Mitchell and Woods about an informant named Avrom (Tony Burton).  And, finally, Ponch and Baker return at the end of the episode and give our erstwhile detectives a parking ticket.

Backdoor pilots at the worst!  You’re all prepared to spend 40 minutes with people you know and suddenly, a bunch of new folks show up and start demanding your attention.  It doesn’t help that Mitchell & Woods is a terrible pilot and I’m not really surprised that it didn’t become an actual series.  Can Mitchell and Woods prove that woman can be good detectives?  Will they ever impress their new boss (Paul Gale)?  I don’t really know the characters so I don’t care.

I swear, they could have at least brought back Caitlyn Jenner for this episode.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.18 “World of Trouble”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Al Lombard retuns.

Episode 5.18 “World of Trouble”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on Jun 14th, 1989)

Way back in the first season, Dennis Farina appeared as an honorable gangster named Al Lombard who did not want his son, Sal, to follow him into the family business.  During his first appearance, Lombard considered ratting out his associates in return for an immunity deal but, in the end, he refused.  Al Lombard was old school.  He was not a rat.  That didn’t make much difference to his associates.  The episode ended with an ambiguous freeze frame and gunshot that suggested they had executed him.

In this episode, it is revealed that Al Lombard faked his death and has spent the last few years in Europe.  When a judge dismisses the years-old indictment against him, Al returns to Miami so he can visit his son, Sal (Timothy Patrick Quill).  Despite the fact that Lombard went back on his promise to testify against his associates, Crockett and Tubbs are still happy to see him.  Al is a likable guy!

Unfortunately, the whole thing is a set-up.  Rival gangster Federico Librizzi (Ned Eisenberg) arranged for the indictment to be dismissed in order to lure Al back to Miami.  Once in Miami, Al is upset to discover that Sal is now involved in the family business and that a gang war is about to break out over a new superweapon that Sal stole from the DEA.  When Librizzi’s hitmen try to take out Al, they hit Sal instead.

Sal is dead and Al wants revenge.  Al is smart enough to show up at a meeting between Librizzi and Burnett and Cooper (*sigh* the undercover thing again).  Librizzi shoots Al, forcing Crockett and Tubbs to shoot Librizzi.

This was one of the fifth season episodes that did not originally air during the show’s network run.  It was included in syndication as a “lost episode.”  Dennis Farina gives a charismatic performance as Al Lombard but that’s about all this episode really has going for it.  The other performances are nowhere close to being as good as Farina’s and the whole plot to bring Lombard back to Miami is ludicrously convoluted.  Seriously, there aren’t mob hitmen in Europe?

Scenes That I Love: William Shatner Interprets Rocket Man


Today, we wish a happy 96th birthday to the one and only William Shatner!

In this scene that I love, William Shatner performs Rocket Man at the 1978 Science Fiction Film Awards (better known as the Saturn Awards).  This video has become a bit of tradition around here.  Only Shatner could make this work so brilliantly.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/15/26 — 3/21/26


The 98th Annual Academy Awards (Sunday Night, Hulu)

I wrote about the Oscars here.

The Bachelorette: Before The Final Rose (Sunday Night, ABC)

It will never not be amusing that ABC decided to show the “first” episode of Taylor Frankie Paul’s season of The Bachelorette after the Oscars and then they ended up canceling the season five days later.  What a waste of prime real estate!  I really haven’t cared much about The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, or Bachelor in Paradise in recent years.  Bring back Chris Harrison, you cowards!

Radio 1990 (NightFlight+)

I watched an episode of this old 80s music video show on Friday night.  Cyndi Lauper said that girls just want to have fun.  And then the host said that Virgin was going to start their own luxury airline and tickets would cost $144 each!

 

A Quick Review Of The 98th Oscar Ceremony


In a word: Boring.

It wasn’t quite as dull as the COVID Oscars.  The 2021 ceremony set a standard for dullness that will probably never be matched.  This year, the ceremony actually took place in a theater and it actually had a host who, for the most part, knew what he was doing.  That’s not to say that Conan O’Brien was a particularly exciting host but at least the opening monologue went by quickly.  When Jimmy Kimmel came out to present the Best Documentary Oscar, we were reminded of just what an improvement O’Brien was on previous hosts.

It’s funny when you think about it.  We always bemoan stuff like Will Smith slapping Chris Rock or Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway announcing that the wrong film had won Best Picture but the Oscar ceremony is pretty dull without any of that.  Last night’s show ran relatively smoothly and only went over by a few minutes.  It probably would have been livened up by a slap or two.

The acceptance speeches were okay.  I prefer arrogant Paul Thomas Anderson to sincere Paul Thomas Anderson but at least he finally won the Oscars that he probably should have first won many years ago.  Anderson is one of our best filmmakers so it’s unfortunate that he won for one of his least interesting films.  But that’s the way it often goes with the Academy.  Martin Scorsese didn’t win for Goodfellas or Raging Bull or even The Aviator.  He won for The Departed.

What happened to all that Sinners momentum?  Looking back, the majority of that momentum was a mirage of wishful thinking.  A lot of people — myself included — wanted something unexpected to happen to liven up what had been a pretty boring Oscar season.  In the end, Michael B. Jordan emerged as Best Actor, over the early favorites. The momentum was less for the film and more for the actor.

The In Memoriam segment was well-handled, though I would have liked to have seen Robert Duvall also get an individual segment.  That said, I imagine that Duvall died after the segment had already been planned out.  In the end, we all know what a great actor Robert Duvall was and that’s the important thing.  Bud Cort, Joe Don Baker and Brigitte Bardot were left out of the In Memoriam montage.  I can’t say why Cort and Baker were left out.  Brigitte Bardot was undoubtedly left out because of her politics and shame on the Academy for that.

Sean Penn was not at the ceremony, so we were spared a Penn speech.  Fortunately, for fans of wealthy celebrities bloviating about politics, Javier Bardem showed up wearing a big ugly button that looked like it was made by an 8 year-old.

There was a lot of talk about how AI will never replace real movies and it felt a bit desperate.  I don’t want AI to replace real movies but, sad to say, I think we can all see where things are heading.  Perhaps if the real movies were a little bit better, AI wouldn’t be such a threat.

I haven’t seen the ratings yet.  Ten years ago, the Oscars dominated social media.  This year, things felt much different.

Finally, my Oscar tweet received a review of their own last night.

*Sigh* Sorry, Liz.

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Televison: 3/8/26 — 3/14/26


American Love Story: John F. Kennedy and Carolyn Bessette (FX)

This week, I watched the first three episodes of American Love Story.  Ryan Murphy is only an executive producer on this one but it is still very much shows his touch.  The first two episodes were okay.  The third episode was self-indulgent and felt like it could have just been 15 minutes without losing anything.  In the lead roles, Sarah Pidgeon and Paul Anthony Kelly are two good-looking blanks.  Daryl Hannah has spoken out about how she’s been portrayed in the miniseries and she has every right to be angry.  My main issue with Ryan Murphy’s history lessons is that so many people accept them at face value without doing their own research.

Friends Like These: The Murder of Skylar Neese (Hulu)

I watched this three part crime docuseries on Sunday.  It told the story of Skylar Neese, a teenage girl who was brutally murdered, for no apparent reason, by her two best friends.  Though I had heard the story before, this was still sad and disturbing to watch.  While one of the murderers did seem to have some guilt afterwards, the other has shown zero remorse.  You really have to wonder what is happening inside some people’s minds.

Houses of Horror: Secrets of College Greek Life (Hulu)

I watched three episodes of this rather sordid docuseries on Thursday.  My favorite was the fraternity that was apparently a front for a drug running operation.

Rollergames (YouTube)

On Friday, Jeff and I hung out with our friend Pat and Dani and we watched an episode of this 90s roller derby show.  It was amusing, even if I had no idea what was actually going on for the majority of the show.  This could very well be a future Retro Television Review.

The Simpson (Disney+)

Poochie died on his way back to his home planet.

Top of the Pops (YouTube)

Jeff, Pat, Dani, and I watched an episode of this after Rollergames.  Fortunately, Jimmy Saville was not hosting.

Retro Television Reviews Will Return On March 23rd


With both 2026’s second Friday the 13th approaching and Oscar Sunday this weekend and then St. Patrick’s Day and Bruce Willis’s birthday coming up the week after, this is going to be a busy 14 days for me.  I’ve got a lot of movies to watch and reviews to write so my Retro Television Reviews are going to take a break for the next two weeks.  They will return on March 23rd, at which point I will hopefully be all caught up!