Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.2 “Vagabonds”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week’s episode features a future Oscar nominee!

Episode 5.2 “Vagabonds”

(Dir by Bruce Kessler, originally aired on October 11th, 1981)

The saying goes that “everyone had to start somewhere,” and, for actor Ed Harris, somewhere included guest-starring on an episode of CHiPs.

The future Oscar nominee appears as Lonny Wilson, the scion of a family of a hillbilly con artists.  He and his brother, Daws (Jesse Vint), purposefully cause auto accidents and con their victims out of their money in return for not calling the police or the insurance company.  Lonny’s young son, Jamie (James Calvert), is looking forward to joining the family business until he actually is injured while taking part in one of the family’s cons.  Lonny reconsiders his way of life and, by the end of the episode, he’s cooperating with the highway patrol.

Does Ed Harris come across as being a future star in this episode?  Well, he definitely has charisma.  He has screen presence.  That said, this is also CHiPs, a show that was mostly about capturing potentially serious auto accidents in slow motion.  No one came across as being a future star on ChiPs and that was actually a part of the show’s appeal.  The stars on CHiPs were always the motorcycles, the cars flipping over on the freeway, and Ponch’s blinding smile.  That said, Ed Harris gives a good performance.  For that matter, so does Jesse Vint as his brother.  This is a well-acted episode of CHiPs.  Such things do exist.

In all fairness, I should also note that, when this episode aired, Harris had already starred in George Romero’s Knightriders so, while Harris may not have been a household name, it’s probably still debatable whether or not this was really at the start of his career.  Ultimately, the important thing is that, two years after appearing this episode, Ed Harris would play John Glenn in 1983’s The Right Stuff and firmly established himself as one of our best character actors.

As for this episode, it also features the Highway Patrol taking part in a “supercycle” race, which is a race featuring bicycles that you lie down on as you peddle.  I don’t know why anyone would want to do that but whatever.  Jon Baker wins.  Yay, Highway Patrol!

On that note of victory, Retro Television Reviews is going on a holiday break so that I can focus on the Oscar precursor awards and reviewing Christmas movies so this will be last CHiPs review of 2025!  CHiPs will return on January 5th, 2026!

Holiday Film Review: Jingle All The Way (dir by Brian Levant)


Whatever else one may want to say about it, 1996’s Jingle All The Way is a cute film.

It’s necessary to point that out because Jingle All The Way has a terrible reputation and, if we’re going to be honest, it deserves a lot of the criticism that it has gotten over the years.  In many ways, it epitomizes the way a Hollywood studio can take an interesting idea and then produce a film that seems to have no understanding of what made that idea so interesting in the first place.  Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Howard Langston, an overworked mattress store manager who waits until Christmas Eve to try to buy his son a Turbo Man action figure.  (In the film, they call it a “doll,” which is one of the film’s false moments.)  The only problem is that the Turbo Man action figure is the most popular gift of the year and everyone is looking for one.  What starts out at as a satire of commercialism ultimately becomes a celebration of the same thing as Howard ends up dressed up as Turbo Man and taking part in his town’s Christmas parade.   The film becomes a comedy without any sharp edges.

That said, it’s a cute film.  It’s not cute enough to really be good but it is cute enough that it won’t leave you filled with rage.  Arnold Schwarzenegger is in True Lies mode here, playing a seemingly boring and suburban guy who is secretly a badass.  (In True Lies, Schwarzenegger was secretly a spy who had killed man people, though all of them were bad.  In Jingle All The Way, he’s just a parent who has waited too long to go Christmas shopping.)  Schwarzenegger’s main strength as an action star — even beyond his physique — was that he always seemed to have a genuine sense of humor and he’s the best thing about Jingle All The Way.  This film finds him acting opposite actual comedic actors like Jim Belushi and Phil Hartman and holding his own.  (The film also features Sinbad as another dad trying to get the Turbo Man action figure but Sinbad comes across as being more of a stand-up comedian doing bits from his routine than an actual character.)  The film’s set pieces grow increasingly bizarre and surreal as Howard searches for his Turbo Man and the film actually becomes less effective the stranger that it gets.  A scene of Howard fighting a crowd in a toy store works far better than a later scene where Howard battles a bunch of men dressed as Santa Claus and his elves.  (It doesn’t help that, after an intelligent and well-edited opening thirty minutes, the film seems to lose all concept of comedic timing.)  But there’s a sincerity to Schwarzenegger’s performance that keeps you watching.

Of course, today, Jingle All The Way feels like a relic from a different age.  All the kids want a Turbo Man and you’re so busy at work that the stores are closed by the time you get home?  Fine.  Hop on Amazon at three in the morning and order one.  Christmas shopping is a lot easier nowadays.

It’s just not as much fun.

Brad reviews RETURN TO ME (2000), starring David Duchovny and Minnie Driver!


I’m a sucker for a good romance. Every year during tax season, I like to stream romantic films while I prepare my clients’ tax returns late into the evening. They make me feel good and help my mood as I work the necessary 80 to 90 hours every week leading up to April 15th. My list of favorites includes movies like HITCH (2005) with Will Smith, NOTTING HILL (1999) with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant, and YOU’VE GOT MAIL (1998) with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I also really enjoy the period romance movies based on the novels of Jane Austen, films like Ang Lee’s SENSE AND SENSIBILITY (1995) and the five-hour mini-series version of PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (1995) starring Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. There’s a decent chance that if you walk into my office at the end of one of these films you might even catch me wiping a tear from my eye as the obstacles finally clear, and we’re left with two people in love embarking on their specific “happily-ever-after” together. One such movie, that I don’t hear mentioned very often, but that I personally love, is the 2000 romantic film RETURN TO ME.

RETURN TO ME opens by introducing us to two families. First, we meet Bob Rueland (David Duchovny), a successful architect, and his wife Elizabeth (Joely Richardson), a kind-hearted zoologist, who are clearly very much in love. We follow the couple as they attend a fund-raising dinner that’s been organized to help expand the zoo’s gorilla habitat, a cause that’s very dear to Elizabeth’s heart, with Bob volunteering his own time and talents to design the new facility. The evening includes many sweet words and some quality slow dancing. Next, we meet Grace Briggs (Minnie Driver), who is very sick and in need of a heart transplant in the worst possible way. Her Catholic family and her friends, which includes her loving grandpa Marty O’Reilly (Carroll O’Connor) and her best friend Megan Dayton (Bonnie Hunt), are a wonderful support system, but without the new heart, she won’t be able to live much longer. On the same night that unspeakable tragedy strikes the Rueland’s on their way home from the fundraiser, Grace and her Grandpa’s prayers are answered when they get the call that a healthy heart is now available. A year later, Bob and Grace meet by chance at Marty’s business, O’Reilly’s Italian Restaurant. Bob has been a shell of the man he once was as he’s been unable to deal with his wife’s passing, while Grace has attempted to figure out life with her new heart. There’s just something about Grace though, so Bob asks her out and, after a series of sweet dates, it seems the two may be falling in love. But when Grace accidentally discovers that the heart that Bob is falling in love with was once beating inside the chest of his deceased wife Elizabeth, Grace doesn’t know how to tell him. Feeling guilty, as well as fearful of how Bob may respond to the shocking information, Grace decides she has no choice but to tell him. Will their blossoming love survive this unexpected and tragic revelation?

I love RETURN TO ME, and the main reason is that I love the characters, and especially the world that director Bonnie Hunt creates inside the film. The love story at the center is played well by Duchovny and Driver, but the greater love of family and friends is what sets this movie apart for me. In a way, Hunt creates a world that contains the kind of friends and family that we’d all love to have in real life. She does this by spending a lot of time with the entertaining supporting characters, showing them to be kind and decent people, the kind who make our lives valuable. As an example, O’Connor’s performance as the doting grandpa to Grace is wonderful, but we also get to see the interplay between Grace, Marty and their “family” at the restaurant, played by such great character actors as Robert Loggia, Eddie Jones, William Bronder and Marianne Muellerleile. Hunt herself is excellent in the role as Grace’s best friend Megan, but the time we spend with her blue-collar husband, played perfectly by James Belushi, and their kids are some of the best and funniest of the film. Based on the time and attention to these characters, as well as the time spent at “O’Reilly’s Italian Restaurant,” Hunt has created a scenario that feels like we’re watching real family and friends, in the best possible way. I never watch this film that I don’t want to go eat a big plate of spaghetti afterwards. The relationship between Bob and his best friend Charlie (David Alan Grier) isn’t quite as successful, but it has its moments as well.

RETURN TO ME is the kind of romantic film that we don’t get to see very often these days. A snarky, cynic would probably have a field day with this film, with its outrageous set-up, its old-fashioned values, and even older-fashioned characters. But that’s what I love about this film. As an example, this is the kind of movie where characters ask each other to pray, they do it, and the only purpose of it being shown is so we know how much these people care about each other. That feels very old-fashioned for 2025, but based on my own experiences in life, it’s something I can completely identify with.

Ultimately, RETURN TO ME is not a perfect film. Clocking in at almost 2 hours, there are definitely some scenes that could have been shortened or eliminated all-together. And it may seem like a criticism that I find the central love story of the film less appealing than the love shown by the main characters’ family and friends, but it’s really not. RETURN TO ME is a movie I return to every year because, at the end of the day, it’s an entertaining film that helps me appreciate the love of a family and the possibility that sometimes love is just meant to be.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.8 “Hard Knocks”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Switek takes center stage!

Episode 5.8 “Hard Knocks”

(Dir by Vern Gillum, originally aired on January 20th, 1989)

Stan Switek has a gambling problem!

That’s right.  The lovable Stan Switek, played by Michael Talbott, finally gets to be the center of another episode and it’s a pretty dark one.  It’s not as dark as the one where Stan discovered that his partner and best friend had been given a heroin overdose but it’s still pretty depressing.

There are a lot of things that lead to Switek becoming both an alcoholic and a gambling addict.  The death of Larry Zito still haunts him.  The job haunts him.  The fact that he’s continually stuck in “the black box,” and doing surveillance on terrible people haunts him.  At the start of the episode, he learns that he’s been turned down for a promotion and it will be another two years before he can apply again.  Castillo says it’s about money.  The Miami PD doesn’t have the money to pay Switek a sergeant’s salary.  “You’re the best at what you do,” Castillo tells Switek.  That’s of little help.

Switek is best friends with Mac Mulhern (Jordan Clarke), the father of a hotshot college quarterback named Kevin Mulhern (Richard Joseph Paul).  When Switek’s former bookie (Ismael “East” Carlo) is murdered by Goodman (Richard Jenkins, who apparently always looked like he was in his late 50s, even 40 years ago), Goodman orders Switek to tell Kevin to throw his upcoming game.  In order to make sure that it happens, Goodman kidnaps Mac and threatens to kill him.

Switek snaps.  Switek sets out to get his own justice against Goodman and to rescue Mac.  Fortunately, Crockett and Tubbs realize what’s happening and they show up in time to help Switek out.  Once Goodman is dead and Mac is free, Kevin is able to win the game.

Later, Crockett confronts Switek.  He says that Switek’s name is all over Goodman’s books.  What’s Crockett going to do?  Given that Crockett spent months as Miami’s biggest drug lord, I’m not sure that Crockett is in a position to judge anyone.  Fortunately, Crockett seems to understand that as well.  Crockett hands the evidence over to Switek and promises to keep quiet.  Switek — who has spent almost the entire series as comedic relief — breaks down and starts to cry.

That’s one dark episode!  It’s also a very well-done episode.  Michael Talbott gave an excellent performance as Switek, revealing the character’s dark side while still remaining true to who Switek has been since the series began.  Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas didn’t do much in this episode but the final scene between Switek and Crockett was wonderfully acted by both Talbott and Johnson.

This was a good episode but I’m worried about Switek now.  I hope everything works out because there’s only a few episodes left!

Speaking of which, Retro Television Review will be going on break for the holidays at the end of this week. Miami Vice will return on January 5th!

The Holidays On The Lens: The Greatest Store In The World (dir by Jane Prowse)


Here to help you get in the holiday spirit, we’ve got a British film from 1999!

The Greatest Store In The World tells the story of a single mother and her two daughters.  When the film begins, they’re living in a van but, after the van catches on fire, they upgrade things by moving into a luxurious London department store.  Along with coming together as a family and celebrating the holidays, they also thwart an attempt to rob the store.  It’s a good-natured little movie, one that reminds the viewer of how fun the world once was.  It was filmed in Harrods, though the name itself is not actually uttered in the film.  Fans of Doctor Who will want to keep an eye out for Peter Capaldi while fans of larger-than-life actors will be happy to see the great Brian Blessed.

(I should admit that, when I was little and my family was constantly moving from one state to another and I was always having to say goodbye to whatever new friends I had made, I used to fantasize about living in a big mall.  Perhaps that’s one reason why this sweet-natured film brought a tear to my mismatched eyes.)

Enjoy!

Song of the Day: Crown On The Ground (performed by Sleigh Bells)


I could offer up a lot of reasons why Sleigh Bells’ Crown On The Ground is today’s song of the day.

I could say that it’s because the start of the Holiday Season is upon us and what better time to feature a song performed by Sleigh Bells.

But, ultimately, the main and most important reason is that I just happen to like the song.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.5 “Screech’s Woman”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, Zach becomes Bambi and …. oh, you know the story.

Episode 1.5 “Screech’s Woman”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on September 16th, 1989)

Screech isn’t working on Zach’s science project because he’s depressed about not having a girlfriend.  Screech describes himself as being “snakespit.”  That’s …. that’s really sad, to be honest.  Zach attempts to teach Screech how to be cool.  He attempts to get Jessie to go out with him.  Finally, Zach….

Oh, you know what Zach does.  If you’re reading this review, you’ve undoubtedly seen Saved By The Bell in syndication and you know that this is one of those episodes that seemed to air constantly.  Zach calls up Screech and pretends to be Bambi.  When Screech demands to meet Bambi personally, Zach puts on one of Jessie’s dresses, a wig, sunglasses, and he shaves his legs.  Zach/Bambi shows up at the Max and tells Screech that, if they’re going to date, Screech is going to have to agree to no longer hang out with Zach.  A despondent Screech says that he can’t betray his best friend.

Here’s the thing:

Even with the wig and the dress and the whispery voice, Zach is in no way convincing as Bambi.  He’s obviously Zach, just wearing a wig and speaking in a slightly higher register.  The fact that Screech, Kelly, and Slater are all fooled (albeit only temporarily in Slater’s case) can only lead me to suspect that everyone on this show is an idiot.  Saved By The Bell always demands a certain suspension of disbelief but this episode really took it to the limit.  (Or pushed it to the Max, if you want to show respect to that tacky place.)

This episode really made me feel sorry for both Screech and Dustin Diamond and that’s saying something how annoying I found both Screech and the actor playing him to be.  Diamond was only 11 when he was cast on Good Morning Miss Bliss.  In this episode, he’s 12 and he looks and comes across as being even younger.  And yet, he’s acting opposite people who were a few years older and, by teen standards, considerably more mature.  (In teen years, there’s a huge gulf between 12 and 15.)  From the minute he shows up in this episode, Screech is out-of-place.  That may have worked for Screech’s character but it also probably explains why Diamond himself never really seemed to grow up and never seemed to get over feeling like an outsider on the set.

Wow, this episode was depressing.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/23/25 — 11/29/25


A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (Apple TV+)

Erin and I watched this on Tuesday.  It’s one of our traditions!  I swear, though, Peppermint Patty is so mean in this one.  And yet, after all that he’s had to put up with, Charlie Brown still invites everyone to come to his grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving dinner.  What a guy!  You can read Erin’s thoughts here.

Saved By The Bell: The New Class (Prime)

Finally!  The version of Saved By The Bell that I grew up with is available on Prime!  I watched a few episodes on Friday and …. well, they weren’t very good.  But maybe I just need to adjust my expectations.  I look forward to watching all seven seasons!

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.6 “The Sky Is Falling”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, the ocean is full money!

Episode 1.6 “The Sky Is Falling”

(Dir by Kim Manners, originally aired on October 27th, 1989)

Baywatch was a show that was often known for being unintentionally funny.

Of course, it’s open for debate just how self-aware Baywatch may or may not have been.  Some of the show’s writers and directors have claimed that the show was meant to be campy.  At the same time, there are cast members who specifically left because they felt that there was no way to play some of the scenes they were expected to perform.  Professional surfer Kelly Ward left the cast after he read a script that involved him fighting an octopus that tried to steal his surf board.  Jason Momoa has said that appearing on Baywatch Hawaii early in his career made it difficult for him to convince other casting directors to give him a chance.  That said, David Hasselhoff reportedly continues to swear that Baywatch was a sincere tribute to lifeguards and that it was responsible for people learning how to perform CPR and the Heimlich Maneuver.  Once you’ve watched Hasselhoff tear up while talking about a girl who saved her little brother using a technique she saw on Baywatch, you’re left with little doubt that Hasselhoff took the show very seriously.

That said, I do think most of the humor on Baywatch was unintentional.  That’s especially true of the first season, which was about as earnest as a network television show can be.  With this week’s episode, Baywatch tried to be intentionally funny and the results were definitely mixed.

The humor came from Harv (James Sloyan) and Sylvia (Carol Siskind), two frumpy bank robbers who crashed their private plane in the ocean and subsequently lost a suitcase containing thousands of dollars.  Throughout the episode, there are shots of the suitcase floating in the ocean.  Finally, a boat collides with it and money goes flying everywhere.  Soon, everyone is running into the water and getting trapped in a riptide.  Lifeguards to the rescue!  As for Harv and Sylvia, they were meant to be funny but instead, their constant bickering just got annoying.  Watching them, I thought to myself, “If these two idiots can rob a bank, anyone can do it!”  That’s not a Hasselhoff-approved message.

Slightly more successful was a storyline about Captain Thorpe (Monte Markham) deciding that he needed to get back on the beach.  For Thorpe, this meant working a tower with Eddie and Shauni.  For Eddie and Shauni, that meant having to spend hour after hour listening to Thorpe’s long-winded stories.  Billy Warlock and Erika Eleniak actually did a pretty good job portraying the mind-numbing boredom of being stuck with Captain Thorpe.

As for the serious storyline, Gail has accepted a job in Ohio and wants to move there …. with Hobie!  However, when Mitch helps Gail pack, they both get sentimental and end up sleeping together, leading Hobie to believe that his parents are going to get back together.  Hey, divorced parents — DO NOT DO THIS!  Seriously, divorce is hard enough on a child without giving them false hope.  In the end, Gail decides to let Hobie stay in California after Hobie uses his junior lifeguard training to save the life of a drowned girl.  Hobie’s a hero and his big reward is that he doesn’t have to go to Ohio.  I’m going to say “Ouch!” on behalf of the Buckeye State.

In the end, this episode was pretty uneven.  The thieves weren’t ever a credible threat but I did laugh at everyone running into the ocean to try to grab the stolen money.  The important thing is that the show didn’t have to relocate to Ohio.