Horror on the Lens: How To Make A Monster (dir by Herbert L. Strock)

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

You’ve seen I Was A Teenage Werewolf….

You’ve watched I Was A Teenage Frankenstein….

Now, it’s time to watch How To Make A Monster!

Released in 1958, How To Make A Monster is a clever little horror satire from American International Pictures in which the stars of Teenage Werewolf and Teenage Frankenstein are hypnotized into believing that they actually are the monsters that they played! The main culprit is a movie makeup artist (Robert H. Harris) who has been deemed obsolete by the new bosses at AIP.

Be sure to watch for the finale, which features cameo appearances from several other AIP monsters! And read my full review of the film by clicking here!

Horror Song Of The Day: Dawn of the Dead Main Theme by Goblin

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Dawn of the Dead (1978, dir by George Romero, DP: Michael Gornick)

Dario Argento not only produced and edited the European cut for 1978’s Dawn of the Dead, he also introduced George Romero to Goblin. The Italian band, famous for their horror movie soundtracks, provided the classic score to Dawn of the Dead.

(Admittedly, the score is is used far more prominently in Argento’s cut of the film than in Romero’s.)

For today’s horror song of the day, here is Goblin’s Main Theme From Dawn of the Dead.

October Positivity: Break Every Chain (dir by Tim Searfoss)

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2021 film, Break Every Chain, tells the story of a cop with a problem.

Struggling with the memories of his own troubled childhood and also with the responsibilities of having a family of his own, Jonathan Hickory (Ignacyo Matynia) throws himself into his work as a member of the police force. He’s considered to be a good cop, one who is given important assignment and who can be trusted not to abuse his authority. At one point, when it appears that a drunk man is pointing a rifle at him, Jonathan is smart to realize that opening fire on the man is not the way to deal with him. Jonathan, in many ways, seems like a throwback to the days before the American police force became the militarized behemoth that it is today.

Jonathan is promoted to riding a motorcycle and it must be said that the motorcycle that he receives is pretty badass. Jonathan investigates accidents. He gives speeches about the important of not driving drunk. To the world, he’s the ideal cop. But, secretly, Jonathan is falling apart. Haunted by the things that he’s seen as a member of law enforcement, Jonathan has turned to drinking and has been neglecting his family. Soon, Jonathan is full-blown alcoholic and it’s only a matter of time before his drinking catches up to him.

Break Every Chain is a pretty simple film but it’s effective. Matynia gives a good performance as Jonathan and the film doesn’t try to force some sort of cure-all solution on the audience. Jonathan does get help for his problems and he does turn to his church for support. And, yes, it’s not all surprising when it turns out that Jonathan’s pastor is played by Dean Cain. However, the film itself is not particularly preachy, at least not by the standards of most faith-based films. It suggests that, for Jonathan, devoting himself to religion gives him another way to deal with life that doesn’t involve getting drunk and neglecting his family. The movie isn’t incorrect about that. Regardless of whether one agrees with Jonathan’s religious beliefs or not, he is correct to believe that the human mind needs something else to obsess on beyond its addictions.

I should admit that films about addiction, especially alcoholism, always tend to effect me more than other social problem films. My family tree has its share of drinkers, some of whom could handle their alcohol better than other. I know firsthand the trauma that can come from seeing a family member struggle with their addictions. One reason why I don’t drink is because I know that I have certain compulsive tendencies. I tend to channel those tendencies into watching and writing about movies and, of course, making lists. The way some people are about having that glass of wine before bed, that’s the way I am about making sure that my To-Do List for the following day has been written out and it’s ready to go. Some people are addicted to drugs. Some people are addicted to booze. I’m addicted to making out lengthy To-Do Lists. That said, there’s no greater feeling than crossing something off of your To Do List. For instance, I just crossed reviewing this film off of my list and now, I’m feeling great!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.16 “Zargtha”

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s werewolf time!

Episode 2.16 “Zargtha”

(Dir by Rick Jacobson, originally aired on April 5th, 1997)

The discovery of a murdered teenage runaway on the beach leads to Mitch investigating a series of killings involving homeless teens. The police think that the murders must be the result of a wild animal, a wolf of some sort. Daimont Teague shows up to tell Mitch that he thinks the killer is a Zargtha, a type of Eastern European werewolf that has found its way to California.

Mitch declares that he’s seen a lot of things over the past few months but there’s no way that he’s going to buy into the idea of a werewolf from Eastern Europe.

Okay, let’s consider this. Over the past few months, Mitch has

encountered numerous sea monsters,
been sucked into the past and hunted by an axe-wielding frontierman
gone to the future and been hunted by cannibal mutants
watched multiple animals explode after getting exposed to space dust
watched two 900 year-old Vikings come back to life and pick up their blood feud right where they left off,
discovered that the world is secretly controlled by the Knights Templar and,
fought an actual vampire!

That’s just some of what Mitch has seen since the start of the second season of Baywatch Nights. And yet, after all that, a werewolf is just too out there!? I know that Mitch is supposed to be a skeptic and I respect that. I’m a skeptic myself. But there’s a point where skepticism becomes stupidity. I may not believe in vampires but that’s going to quickly change if I ever meet one.

After learning that there’s a group of homeless teenagers living in abandoned building, Mitch and the head of the local shelter, Cindy (Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff), try to find and warn them before the killer reaches them. Complicating this matter is that a recent earthquake is threatening to make the building come crashing down and also, the killer is already in the building. And yes, the killer is a werewolf from Eastern Europe.

This was actually a pretty good episode. Though the werewolf makeup wasn’t that great, the creature’s ferocious growls and the relentless way that it would attack still made it far more effective than the usual Baywatch Nights monster. As well, the abandoned building turned out to be a wonderfully atmospheric and creepy location. For once, all the Dutch angles felt appropriate. This episode played out like a nightmare and I imagine, back in 1997, it was probably quite scary to watch with the lights out and maybe a storm raging outside.

Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff was married to David Hasselhoff when this episode was filmed. That may explain why Ryan is barely in this episode and, for the first time in a long time, there’s no scenes of Ryan and Mitch flirting. Instead, Mitch spends this episode protecting Cindy and the kids. That’s kind of sweet. Good for the Hoff!

Bonus Horror On TV: The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t (dir by Bruce Bilson)

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh no! Halloween might be canceled because people just aren’t scared of the old monsters! Dracula (Judd Hirsch) calls all of the classic creatures to a meeting in his castle (where they all happen to be freeloading) and give them an ultimatum. Be more scary! It turns out to be easier said than done.

This originally aired in 1979 but, for people of a certain age, it achieved a certain immortality thanks to regular airings on the Disney Channel. It’s a cute show. It might seem a little bit corny today but that’s a large part of its appeal. It’s a reminder of a more innocent time.

Warren the Werewolf, by the way, was named after Warren “Werewolves of London” Zevon.

Horror on TV: One Step Beyond 3.27 “The Confession” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond features the great Donald Pleasence, making it perfect viewing for the Halloween season!

Pleasence plays an attorney who prosecuted a man for a murder that he didn’t commit. Pleasence did so, even though a woman (Adrienne Corri) claiming to be the supposed victim of the crime came to him and said that she had not been murdered. Pleasence refused to believe her. Now, years later, his guilt is driving him mad while host John Newland looks on.

Can you prove it didn’t happen?

This episode originally aired on April 11th, 1961.

October Hacks: Wrong Turn (dir by Rob Schmidt)

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Poor West Virginia!

Seriously, I’ve been to West Virginia. It’s a beautiful state and the majority of the people that I met while I was there were just lovely. And before anyone trots out all the usual stereotypes about rural communities, let me say that one of the nicest used book store that I’ve ever been to was in West Virginia. It’s a nice state, one that feels like a throwback to a less cynical universe. Even all of the bridges and the streets named after the loathsome Robert Byrd added to the lovely quaintness of the place.

And yet, when it comes to the entertainment industry, West Virginia is rarely portrayed in a positive light. The coastal elite has never had much use for West Virginia or the surrounding states and that’s something that comes out in the films and television shows that are made in New York and California. Whenever anyone says that they’re from West Virginia in a movie or a television show, you can be sure that they’re either going to be a meth cook or a villainous redneck. West Virginia is one of those regions that’s never given much respect in Hollywood and that’s a shame.

Take Wrong Turn, for instance. First released in 2003, the original Wrong Turn taught an entire generation that West Virginia was full of cannibals and blood farmers. If you’re going to go for a drive in the wilderness of West Virginia, this film tells us, keep an eye out for barb wire booby traps. If you’re going to hiking in the mountains, notify your next of kin because you probably won’t be coming back. Wrong Turn follows a group of friends as they are tracked by a family of cannibal hillbillies and the main message seems to be, “For the love of God, stay out of Appalachia!”

(When I first started writing for this blog, I caused a mini-controversy when I said that no one would pay good money to see a film called The Vermont Chainsaw Massacre. My point was that Texas has a reputation, albeit one that has more to do with fevered imaginings of out-of-staters than anything rooted in reality, that made it the only place where that film could really be effectively set. The same is true of Wrong Turn. It’s a story that people wouldn’t buy if it was happening anywhere other than in Appalachia. Nobody would care about cannibals living in Minnesota, for instance.)

West Virginia slander aside, the original Wrong Turn holds up well. It’s a slasher film from the era right before slasher films started taking themselves so seriously. It’s a throwback to the rural horror films of the 70s, with an attractive cast getting picked off in various gruesome ways. The cannibals are frightening and the victims are all likable without being so likable that you can’t handle seeing them killed off. Jeremy Sisto and Lindy Booth both bring some comic relief to the film before their characters are dispatched. Desmond Harrington is a sold-enough lead. When I first saw Wrong Turn, my main reaction was that Eliza Dushku kicked ass and that was still my reactions when I rewatched it. The film is bloody, shameless, and fully willing to give the audience what it wants without scolding them for it. In short, it’s a perfectly fun slasher film and, watching it, it’s hard not to miss the era before horror films started taking themselves so damn seriously.

Wrong Turn‘s a fun movie. But West Virginia is a lovely state and that should never be forgotten!

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Don’t Look Away (dir by Michael Bafaro)

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The main thing you need to know about 2023’s Don’t Look Away is that the killer looks like this.

Yes, the killer is a mannequin and a rather silly-looking one at that. Silly or not, the mannequin is undeniably creepy, as mannequins tend to be. The mannequin is apparently stalking a group of friends. Frankie (Kelly Bastard) is convinced that the mannequin is alive and possessed by some sort of supernatural power. Her friends disagree …. until they start dying, one-by-one.

Now, I should make clear that, for the majority of the film’s running time, we don’t actually see the mannequin kill anyone. At the most, we see the mannequin suddenly show up behind someone. He evens shows up in a swimming pool at one point. Occasionally, his facial expression seems to change but, for the most, he always has the same goofy smile painted on his face. The mannequin stalks one person-at-a-time and if you see him behind you and then look away, he’ll be closer the second time you look at him.

We do see the aftermath of meeting the mannequin. As silly as it may seem to get killed by a mannequin (and I mean, seriously, how do you handle that shame while waiting in Purgatory), Kelly’s friends are actually dying, though it appears that they could all just be having unfortunate accidents or committing suicide. Is it possible that the mannequin is just a mess delusion and that Kelly’s paranoia has poisoned the group? The thing is, though …. if you were going to imagine a scary mannequin trying to kill you, wouldn’t you actually visualize something a lot more scary than a naked, emasculated wooden man with a silly smile on his face?

Don’t Look Away doesn’t quite work. None of the friends really make a huge impression or even register as anything more than horror movie stereotypes. There’s a scene set in a disco that I appreciated but that’s just because I appreciated anything that’s set in a disco. Don’t Look Away suffers from a common affliction amongst horror films that were made after It Follows, in that the action moves way too slowly. When the film should be fast-paced and silly, it’s somber and strangely self-serious.

The film’s big star, of course, is that mannequin. Here’s another shot of him.

I mean, yeah, he’s creepy. The first few times that you see him, he’s legitimately scary. But then, after a while, he just become silly. There’s only so much you can do with a goofy-looking mannequin. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen some good killer mannequin films. Mannequins can definitely be scary and I wouldn’t want to get locked in a warehouse with them or anything like that. Mario Bava’s Lisa and the Devil makes wonderful use of the creepiness of mannequins. But the mannequin at the heart of Don’t Look Away becomes less creepy and more goofy every time that you see him. I’ll admit that I looked away a few times in an effort not to laugh.

Hmmm …. that may have been a mistake.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Mr. Roarke might be a father!

Episode 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on February 6th, 1982)

After last week’s episode with Julie, Tattoo returns this week and Julie is nowhere to be seen. When Mr. Roarke asks where Julie is, Tattoo mentions that Julie is helping with the Custer’s Last Stand fantasy. At this point, I can only assume that a life insurance policy has been taking out on Julie and Roarke or Tattoo, or maybe both are trying to get her killed so they can collect.

Julie not being present means that she misses out on one of the biggest scandals in Fantasy Island history. A former guest, Fran Warner (Laraine Stephens), returns to the Island after seven years. Accompanying her is her six year-old daughter, Nancy (Nicole Eggert). Fran loudly declares that Mr. Roarke is Nancy’s father and that he now has an obligation to take care of her. Fran even has a birth certificate where, under the father’s name, someone has written — and I kid you not — “Mr. Roarke.”

Is Mr. Roarke the kid’s father? As is his habit, he refuses to answer the question directly when Tattoo asks it. But it soon turns out that no, Mr. Roarke is not Nancy’s father. Instead, Fran is sick and may be dying and she wants to make sure that Nancy is cared for. When Nancy learns the truth, she runs away and Tattoo leads a search party across the Island. Fear not, of course. Nancy is found and a very forgiving Mr. Roarke allows Nancy and Fran to stay on the Island. And Fran’s terminal disease suddenly becomes less terminal!

While this is going on, security guard Kevin Lansing (Ron Ely) gets to live his fantasy of helping a great detective. Kevin doesn’t care which detective he gets to help so Roarke sends him back to Victorian-era London so that Kevin can work with Dr. Watson (a charming Donald O’Connor) to save Sherlock Holmes (Peter Lawford, not looking well in one of his final performances) from the clutches of Moriarty (Mel Ferrer, being as sinister here as he was in countless giallo films). Kevin also falls for Nurse Heavenly (RIta Jenrette, the wife of a corrupt Democrat member of Congress) and is pleased to discover that she’s not really Moriarty’s assistant. Instead, she was just another guest on the Island having a fantasy.

The Sherlock Holmes story was silly but fun, in the way that Fantasy Island often is. It’s always interesting when this show goes into the past and we get to see how the show’s crew dressed up the show’s sets to try to make them look historically accurate. The same street appears in every episode but sometimes, that street is in 1890s London and sometimes, it’s in 1690s Salem and sometimes, it’s just in modern day Fantasy Island! As for the Mr. Roarke’s a father storyline, it was predictable but still, it was a good showcase for Ricardo Montalban’s enigmatic interpretation of Mr. Roarke.

This was a pleasant trip to the Island!

Horror Film Review: Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (dir by Masaaki Tezuka)

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It has always bothered me whenever a long-running franchise decides that the best way to reboot things is to wipe away its own history.

Consider the James Bond films, in which the current producers apparently decided that Daniel Craig’s grim and whiny interpretation of the character was so definitive that it would be no big deal to wipe all of the previous Bond films out of existence. Sorry, Sean Connery. Sorry, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and even George Lazenby. Sorry, everyone who enjoyed the original Bond films and who enjoys spies who are relatively free of angst and self-pity. Your films are now no longer canon, all because someone thought it would be a good idea for Bond and Blofeld to be brothers.

Consider the DC films, in which there are so many different versions of the same characters floating around that it’s next to impossible to keep straight what is an “official” film and what isn’t. Admittedly, the majority of the DC films weren’t that good but still, there’s just something kind of annoying in the way that franchise in particular tends to just shrug and say, “Okay, that film doesn’t really count.” Own your mistakes.

And then there’s my beloved Halloween franchise, ruined by David Gordon Green’s belief that he was better than the genre. After years of brother/sister drama between Laurie Strode and Michael Myers, Green simply decided to do away with all of that and, in the process, he made the entire story (and Laurie Strode as a character) far less interesting.

Usually I think of this as being a relatively new phenomena but, as I watched 2000’s Godzilla vs. Megaguirus, I realized that reboots that do away with years of continuity are nothing new. Godzilla vs. Megagurius opens with a narrator literally telling us to forget about all the films that came out after the original Gojira. And we’re also told to forget about the ending of Gojira because that never happened either. The Oxygen Destroyer was not used and Tokyo had to be abandoned. Godzilla survived the end of Gojira and he continues to use Japan as his own personal power source, attacking not only a nuclear reactor but also a plasma reactor. So, sorry, Mothra. Sorry, Rodan. Sorry, all of you fans of Ghidorah. Sorry everyone who enjoyed the classic Godzilla films. We’re now in a universe where none of that happened.

That’s not to say that Godzilla vs. Megagurius is a bad film, of course. The majority of the people who watch these films (and films in general) could hardly care less about continuity. They want to see a fight between giant monsters and they want to hear Godzilla’s roar and this film provides both of them. After Japan attempts to destroy Godzilla with a satellite that shoots — I kid you not — miniature black holes, it finds itself being attacked by prehistoric dragonflys. While Godzilla searches for a new power source, the dragonflys attempt to siphon off Godzilla’s energy for their own uses. As so often happened with these movies, humanity’s attempt to destroy Godzilla actually leads to far more destruction than if they had just left Godzilla alone. It turns out that creating miniature black holes and ripping open the time/space continuum is not the solution to all the world’s problems. It’s the human beings who are ultimately the bigger threat than the giant monsters.

It’s an entertaining film. The Megagurius is a good monster and a worthy opponent to Godzilla. Godzilla does what he does best. The film wiped out a decades worth of continuity but at least it kept the Godzilla roar. In the end, you can’t silence a good giant monster.

Previous Godzilla Reviews: