Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, Monsters satirizes the film business. Well, it’s about time someone did!
Episode 3.20 “Werewolf of Hollywood”
(Dir by Thomas J. Whelan, originally aired on February 10th, 1991)
Screenwriter Buzz Hunkle (Richard Belzer) has been instructed to rewrite a script that was originally written by Leo Tandoski (Shelley Berman). Leo’s script is about a studio head who is actually a werewolf. Buzz and his assistant Vicki (Geraldine Leer) read the script and immediately deduce that Leo is attacking executive Billy Mariner (David Leary). At first, Buzz just assumes that the werewolf angle is a bit of heavy-handed satire but, when Leo turns up dead, Buzz comes to suspect that Billy might actually be a werewolf! Vicki gives Buzz a gun full of what she claims are silver bullets and she sends him off to investigate. Of course, it turns out that everyone in this show business tale has a secret or two.
This episode …. well, I liked the idea behind it. It had potential, I’ll give it that. And the werewolf effects were certainly effective. Monsters was a show that almost always featured effective makeup and costuming. That said, I have to admit that I wanted to like this episode more than I actually did. Whenever Monsters tries to be intentionally funny, it almost always comes across as if it’s trying too hard and that was certainly the case with this episode. As an actor, Richard Belzer was always inconsistent. He did good work as Detective Munch. In this episode of Monsters, he sleepwalks through the role. I really wanted this episode to work but it just feel flat for me.
Guess what? We’ve only got four more episodes of Monsters left! Overall, I have enjoyed reviewing this show, even if it has been a bit uneven overall. I’ll miss it when I’m done.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, season 6 begins!
Episode 6.1 and 6.2 “The Italian Cruise: Venetian Love Song/Down for the Count/Arrividerci, Gopher/The Arrangement”
(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 2nd, 1982)
The LoveBoat crew goes to Italy!
The sixth season of The Love Boat did indeed start with a cruise to Italy. It was a special two-hour episode, shot on location at sea and in Italy! Our crew visits Monaco, Rome, Capri, and Venice and really, that’s the main appeal of this episode. It’s certainly not the stories, which are pretty superficial even by the standards of theLoveBoat.
Ernest Borgnine and Shelley Winters play an old Italian couple who bicker through the whole cruise but who also truly love each other. Awwww! Ernest and Shelley were veteran actors and they both appear to be having fun devouring the scenery in their scenes. Their cruise goes better here than it did in ThePoseidonAdventure.
Meredith Baxter falls for a man (David Birney, the annoying Dr. Samuels from the first season of St. Elsewhere) who turns out to be a gigolo. However, he abandons being a manwhore so that he can pursue a relationship with Meredith. I understand that Baxter and Birney were married at the time. They have absolutely zero chemistry when they’re acting opposite each other.
Marie Osmond is angry over being expected to take part in an arranged marriage. Yeah, that is kind of messed up. She’d rather marry the totally handsome John James.
Finally, an Italian handyman who looks just like Gopher (and who is also played by Fred Grandy) abducts the real Gopher and takes his place on the ship so that he can try to win the love of a wealthy passenger named Angelica Francini (Christopher Norris) and…. well, actually, this storyline is kind of interesting.
Actually, maybe “interesting” the wrong word.
Goofy! That’s the word I’m looking for.
This storyline is so goofy — so damn goofy — that it’s actually kind of fun. I mean, it’s The Love Boat. The Love Boat should be silly. Fred Grandy playing two characters is silly and fun. To give credit where credit is due, Grandy did a pretty good job playing the imposter imitating Gopher. His attempts to speak in a stereotypical American accent made me laugh. In the end, the real Gopher makes it back to the boat. Confronted with two Gophers, the Captain realizes that the fake Gopher is the one who has actually been doing a good job and kicks him off the boat. He’d rather have the real, incompetent Gopher and I don’t blame him. What’s odd is that no one’s really upset or even that surprised by the kidnapping. I don’t think anyone even bothers to callsthe police.
Anyway, Italy is the main attraction here. I love Italy (which I visited the summer after I graduated high school) and I loved this episode! At one point, Marie Osmond wore a red dress that looked a lot like the one that I wore to Pompeii on that windy day when I accidentally flashed a thousand tourists. Marie was struggling with the wind too and I was like, “I share your struggle, Marie!”
I enjoyed this cruise. I want to go back to Italy.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
Okay, let’s do this again.
Episode 2.6 “The Enemy Within”
(Dir by Stephen L. Posey, originally aired on September 28th, 1996)
A group of masked men are breaking into the homes of wealthy Vietnamese immigrants and stealing their money and jewelry. We are told that the men are specifically targeting the Vietnamese because Vietnamese people do not trust banks or the police. I have no idea if that’s true or not. I just know that the show insisted that this is true with a bizarre vehemence. To be honest, I’m Irish-Italian-Spanish in descent and I don’t trust banks or the police either. That said, I would be kind of offended if something bad happened to me and the cops responded by going, “Eh. It’s because she’s Irish-Italian-Spanish, what can you do?”
Kelly Hu, who is not Vietnamese, plays Wendy Trang, the granddaughter of a Vietnamese couple of have been robbed. Her grandfather does not want to talk to the police so Wendy instead talks to her grandfather and then meets with TC to tell him what her grandfather told her. From what Wendy tells him (which I think would be considered hearsay in a court of law), TC decides that only one of the thieves is Vietnamese and that the head of the robbery crew is probably an American who served in Vietnam and who harbors resentment towards immigrants. Seriously, he figures that out from just having one conversation.
(Actually, maybe it was Palermo who figured it out. Once they get on their bikes and put on their helmets, Palermo and TC are pretty much indistinguishable.)
TC recruits a psychic named Leslie Quint (Ken Weiler) to handle a knife that was left behind at the scene and to pick up on whatever psychic residue has been left behind. Chris smirks and calls the guy a fraud because, two seasons is, the writers still haven’t bothered to give Chris a personality beyond being bitchy. The psychic not only reveals that the leader of the gang is a big white guy but he also tells Chris that she needs to go to the dentist because she has a cavity. (Ewwww! Brush your teeth, weirdo!) He also tells Cory that her never-before mentioned brother is involved in some trouble.
The psychic’s right! Peter McNamara (William Bumiller), Cory’s brother, is a corrupt narcotics cop!
Anyway, things worked out. The bag guys were captured. Cory realized her brother wasn’t perfect. Chris learned a lesson about dismissing secret powers. TC smirked in that oddly humorless way of his. As Palermo, Rick Rossovich seemed to be begging someone to remember that he had been in both TopGun and TheTerminator before allowing himself to get sucked into the world of PacificBlue.
Along with Kelly Hu, this episode featured Cronenberg favorite Robert A. Silverman, playing an eccentric on the beach. It’s always nice to see Silverman!
Otherwise, this was another stupid episode. At some point, these characters are going to have to develop personalities beyond riding bikes and getting annoyed, right?
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.
It’s time to go back to the Island. Smiles, everyone, smiles!
Episode 6.18 “The Devil Stick/Touch and Go”
(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on March 19th, 1983)
I had mixed feelings about this episode.
On the one hand, we do learn a little bit about Tattoo’s past in this episode. We discover that he lived in Paris before coming to Fantasy Island and becoming Roarke’s assistant and we learn that he may have been a taxi driver. At one point, his life was saved by a woman named Susan Henderson (Georgia Engel). To repay her, Tattoo arranges for Susan to come to the Island so that she can pursue her fantasy of getting concert pianist Carter Ransome (Bernie Kopell — who I love on TheLoveBoat but who is just plain miscast here) to fall in love with her. Even though Roarke says it will only be for the weekend, Susan is okay with that. Of course, things get complicated. Roarke also asks Tattoo how he plans to pay for the fantasy. Since when does Roarke care about money? Seriously, after all of the free fantasies that he’s handed out!? Give Tattoo a break, Roarke!
On the other hand, this fantasy featured Georgia Engel. Georgia Engel was an actress who specialized in playing very nice women who rarely spoke above a whisper. Ever since I’ve started doing these retro television reviews, I’ve watched countless episodes featuring Georgia Engel as quirky women who refuse to speak above a whisper. At first, it didn’t bother me. Then I watched Jennifer Slept Here, a short-lived sitcom co-starring Georgia Engel. It was while watching Jennifer Slept Here that I found myself yelling, “SPEAK UP!” whenever Georgia Engel appeared onscreen.
I feel bad because Georgia Engel, in every role that I’ve seen her play, came across as being a genuinely kind soul but the whispering thing …. oh my God, it just annoys the Hell out of me. And that was certainly the case with this episode. It was nice to learn more about Tattoo’s life and I’m glad that everyone found love but I’m sick of having to strain to understand or even hear the dialogue whenever Georgia Engel guest stars on one of these shows.
The other fantasy, I liked a bit more. Carl Peters (Dean Butler) comes to Fantasy Island to meet a woman who has loved for afar, Hallie Miller (Crystal Bernard). It turns out that Hallie lives on a village on the other side of the Island. Roarke warns that it’s a weird village that’s never gotten over the execution of a witch several centuries earlier. At first, I was like, “Since when is there a town on the other side of the Island?” but then I remembered that, during the first season, there was a whole fantasy that took place in fishing village that happened to be on the Island. Anyway, this fantasy is supernatural-themed and I always like it when Fantasy Island embraces its supernatural origins.
It was an uneven trip to the Island this week but what can I say? I like island trips!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!
This week’s episode is all about the thrills!
Episode 3.21 “Thrill Show”
(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on February 23rd, 1980)
Bonnie (Randi Oakes) has a decision to make. Her ex-boyfriend and mentor, Ray (John McCook, of Bold and the Beautiful fame) has come to Los Angeles and is trying to convince her to quit the force and join him as a member of the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show!
The what?
I have to admit that I had no idea what the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show was but all of the police officers were really excited about it and the episode’s storylines all came to a halt for ten minutes so we could have an extended sequences of drivers doing stunts. I assumed that the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show was a real thing and a quick check with Wikipedia confirmed that I was correct. (In fact, Chitwood played Charlie, James Bond’s unfortunate driver in Live and Let Die.)
While Bonnie struggles with her future, Baker and Ponch pursue the members of a rock band who have been robbing tourist buses so that they can raise the money to record their first album. Hell yeah, that’s taking control of your future! The leader of the band was named Malcolm and he was played by Paul Nicholas, who also played Peter Frampton’s brother in Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Whatever else you may think of that film, Nicholas’s performance of You Never Give Me Your Money was nicely done.
This episode seemed to primarily exist to advertise the Chitwood show but, as I’ve stated before, I’ve always liked fast cars and dramatic stunts. What can I say? I’m a Southern girl, it’s in my blood. The idea of a band robbing tourists to pay for its album was actually kind of interesting, even if the episode didn’t really do much with it. Paul Nicholas was a bit more charismatic than the typical CHiPs co-star.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!
After a two-week hiatus, the retro television reviews are back! Let’s start with MiamiVice.
Episode 4.6 “God’s Work”
(Dir by Jan Eliasberg, originally aired on November 6th, 1987)
Father Ernesto Lupe (Daniel Lugo), an old friend of Castillo’s, runs an AIDS hospice in Miami. When Father Ernesto is shot and murdered, Castillo takes a particular interest in the case.
Was Father Ernesto shot by one of the neighborhood homophobes, the same punks who spend their free time spray-painting obscene graffiti on the front doors of the hospice?
Was Father Ernesto’s death connected to his brother-in-law, notorious drug lord Jorge Cruz (Alfonso Arau)? The Vice Squad has been investigating the Cruz family. Francesco (Franceso Quinn) is the brutish son, the one who enjoys throwing his weight around and who goes out of his way to bully everyone that he meets. Felipe (Esai Morales) is the young son, who has just returned from Miami after making a fortune as a stockbroker in New York. Is Felipe looking to take over the family business?
Actually, Felipe wants nothing to do with the family business. He’s returned to Miami because an ex-boyfriend is a patient at the AIDS hospice and Felipe wanted to spend time with him before he died. And Father Ernesto’s death had nothing to do with drugs. Instead, Jorge shot him because Jorge blamed Ernesto’s sermons, which stressed God’s love above all else, for being responsible for Felipe “becoming” gay. Even after Felipe explains that the sermons had nothing to do with it and that he’s always been gay, Jorge still thinks that he can “cure” his son by making him a part of the family business.
Yikes!
There was a lot going on in this episode. In fact, there was almost too much going on. Between Castillo investigating Ernesto’s death and Tubbs (working undercover) trying to arrest Franceso, this episode sometimes felt a bit overstuffed. It was still an effective episode, though, featuring good performances from Arau, Quinn, Morales, and Edward James Olmos. Castillo actually got to laugh at one point in this episode. I don’t think that’s ever happened before.
This episode did remind me — as I think almost every episode does — that Crockett and Tubbs undercover work has never made much sense. Tubbs spends the majority of the first half of the episode pretending to be a criminal looking to make a deal with Francisco. That’s fine. It even allows Tubbs to use his fake Caribbean accent. It’s been a while since we’ve heard that. But then, after Father Ernesto is shot, Tubbs shows up at the crime scene with his badge. Now, seriously, Father Ernesto is Francesco’s uncle. Francesco is a suspect in the murder. Why would Tubbs run the risk of blowing his cover like that? For that matter, why was Vice investigating a homicide?
Even when Vice is good, it often doesn’t make sense.
Hi, everyone! I have a quick programming note. Because of the holiday and my own need to get caught up with some other TSL projects that I’m currently working on, I will be taking a two week-long break from my Retro Television Reviews. They will return on Monday, June 9th, with reviews of MiamiVice and CHiPs!
For those of you keeping track, Monday is all about the cops, with Miami Vice and CHiPs. Tuesday will feature FantasyIsland and PacificBlue. Wednesday serves up The Love Boat and Monsters. Thursday gives us Malibu, CA and Highway to Heaven. Friday gives us St. Elsewhere and Friday the 13th. Saturday presents us with The American Short Story and Check It Out! And on Sunday, we’ve got Homicide: Life on the Street and Degrassi High!
Again, Retro Television Reviews will return on June 9th. Thank you for your understanding and patience!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!
This week …. hey, where is everyone?
Episode 3.14 “Repetition”
(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired on February 5th, 1990)
After newspaper columnist Walter Cromwell (David Ferry) accidentally hits and kills a girl with his car, he finds himself consumed with guilt. He also start to hear the girl’s voice in his head, demanding that he bring her back to life. Walter just happens to have a cursed amulet, one that allows the owner to bring someone else back to life as long as he kills someone who is wearing the amulet. Walter’s first victim is his dying mother. But after he kills her, he starts to hear her voice demanding to be brought back to life. So, Walter commits another murder, one after the other, trying to bring back to life every one who he kills.
This was an interesting episode because neither Johnny nor Jack were anywhere to be seen. Instead, it was just Micki and she only appeared at the start and the end of the episode. The entire episode focused on Walter and his descent into madness and, it must be said, that worked just fine. This show’s strength has always been its collection of cursed antiques and this episode allowed us to see how one of them actually works. We saw how the amulet manipulated Walter and how Walter himself became more and more hooked on using the amulet’s power. I’ve always viewed the antiques as being a bit like drugs and their users being addicts and this episode certainly played into that theory.
This was an intense episode, featuring moody visuals and a strong script from David Lynch’s daughter, the future director Jennifer Lynch. After last week’s odd episode, it was nice to see an episode this week that actually got to the heart of what this series was always supposed to be about.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!
This week, we start season 2!
Episode 2.1 “Ties That Bind”
(Dir by Bruce Paltrow, originally aired on October 26th, 1983)
The second season is here and there are changes to be found in the opening credits.
David Birney and G.W. Bailey are no longer listed in the opening credits. I’m not sorry to see Birney go as Dr. Samuels was never that interesting of a character. I will miss Bailey’s performance as Dr. Beale.
Norman Lloyd is now listed in the credits, appearing right after Ed Flanders. Ellen Bry, Kim Miyori, and Eric Laneuville are also now listed in the opening credits. That’s good. Last season, Shirley Daniels (played by Ellen Bry) was one of the most important characters on the show and it always seemed strange that she was left out of the opening. Mark Harmon, sporting a mustache, appears in the credits, though he didn’t appear in this episode. The final addition to the opening credits is Nancy Stafford, who does appear in this episode.
Stafford plays Joan Halloran, the new city budget advisor who has been assigned to cut St. Eligius’s budget. She tells Westphall and Auschlander that St. Eligius is not popular downtown. “They call you St. Elsewhere,” she says. Joan wants to do away with the animal research lab, which is a part of the hospital that has never been mentioned before. (And with good reason. Boo, animal research, boo!) Westphall finally agrees, on the condition that the city fund Dr. Craig’s attempt to perform a heart transplant on teacher Eve Leighton (Marian Mercer).
Wisely, Dr. Craig gets a lot of screentime in this episode. If the first season seemed to often be unsure of just how abrasive the show should allow Craig to be, the second season premiere would seem to suggest that the show’s writers realized that the more abrasive Craig is, the better. Of course, Dr. Craig has good reason to be in a bad mood. As he confesses to Nurse Rosenthal, he caught his son doing drugs. Craig explains he kicked him out of the house and now, he wants nothing to do with him.
Speaking of drugs, orderly Luther (played by Eric Laneuville) finally manages to capture the thief who has been stealing all the drugs from the hospital. Dr. White is no longer under suspicion! Yay, I guess. I don’t know. Dr. White wasn’t in much of this episode but he still cames across as being a jerk. I have to admit that I groaned a little when I saw he was still on the show. A part of me is hoping he’ll get a redemption arc this season but, from his behavior during rounds, he still seems to be a jackass.
Speaking of jackasses, when Jerry Singleton (Alan Arkin) discovers that his wife, Fran (Piper Laurie), has had a stroke, he responds by crashing his car into the ER and then refusing to leave the doctors along while they try to save his wife’s life. Jerry is convincing that he knows everything and he’s very demanding. Naturally, Fran’s doctor is Jack Morrison because Morrison always gets the really depressing cases. Fran does wake up from her coma but she neither speaks no seems to hear anything anyone says to her. I can’t imagine this is going to end well, mostly because she’s Morrison’s patient and things never seem to go well when Morrison is involved. (What’s really sad is that Morrison, unlike Peter White, is a good doctor! He just has rotten luck.)
Shirley Daniels finds out that Fiscus is cheating on her with Kathy Martin, who spends most of this episode promoting cryogenics. Shirley responds by dumping Fiscus and telling him that he’s a pig. Fiscus tells Kathy that they no longer have to sneak around, just for Kathy to say that the sneaking around was the whole point. She promptly dumps Ficus.
Finally, Dr. Ehrlich meets a woman, Bobbi (Jean Bruce Scott) at the laundromat. They go back to her apartment. She strips down to her underwear. She has Ehrlich tie her to the bed. Ehrlich realizes that he has to get something from his car so he runs outside and …. gets locked out. And then he nearly gets arrested while trying to use his credit card to open the building’s door. However, the next day, Bobbi shows up at the hospital for her “encounter group,” and the two of them are reunited. Again, I have a feeling this is not going to end well, just because it involves Dr. Ehrlich.
Hey, this episode was pretty good! It moved quickly, it reintroduced us to the cast, and all of the stories were actually fairly interesting. It’s obvious that show’s producers paid attention with what didn’t work during season one and they made an effort to improve things with season two. Compared to the majority of this first season’s episodes, the pace was quicker, the humor was sharper, and just about everyone got a moment or two to shine. I’m looking forward to next week!
Through the Shattered Lens 