On New Year’s Eve in 1972, a tragedy struck in the Aegean Sea. Just as the clock hit midnight and its passengers wished each other a happy new year, the cruise ship Poseidon was capsized by a tidal wave. The majority of the ship’s crew and passengers were killed in the disaster but a small group managed to climb up through the wreckage and make their way to the ship’s hull, where they were rescued. Gene Hackman sacrificed his life so that Ernest Borgnine, Red Buttons, Jack Albertson, Carol Lynley, and Pamela Sue Martin could all survive.
We all know the story of The Poseidon Adventure and some of us have even been goaded by our sisters into singing There’s Got To Be A Morning After for karaoke night at Grandpa Tony’s. (Grandpa Tony’s has since shut down but, for a while, it was the best place in Dallas for nachos and karaoke.) But do you know the story of what happened after that initial group of survivors was rescued from the ship? Have you gone Beyond The Poseidon Adventure?
First released in 1979, Beyond The Poseidon Adventure picks up directly from where the first film ended. Mere minutes after the rescue helicopter flies off, a tugboat pulls up alongside the still capsized wreck of the Poseidon. Needing money to pay off his debts, Captain Mike Turner (Michael Caine) has decided to declare salvage rights and claim all of the cash and jewelry that he can find in the wreckage. Accompanying him is his mentor Dead Meat (Karl Malden) and his protegee, Annoying and Cutesy (Sally Field). Actually, Dead Meat is named Wilbur but, as soon as Karl Malden starts to dramatically grab at his chest, viewers will know that he’s destined to heroically sacrifice himself. Annoying and Cutesy’s real name is Celeste. Sally Field gives perhaps the worst performance of her career as the almost always perky Celeste. This movie came out the same year that Sally Field appeared in the film for which she won her first Oscar, Norma Rae. I have to imagine that Field was happy to win that Oscar because it meant she would never have to do another film like Beyond The Poseidon Adventure.
Before the tugboat crew can begin to explore the Poseidon, another boat shows up. This boat is captained by Stefan Svevo (Telly Savalas), who claims to be a doctor who is responding to an S.O.S. from the capsized ship. Svevo and his crew insist on accompanying the tugboat crew into the Poseidon. It’s obvious from the start that Svevo is not actually a benevolent doctor. For one thing, the men accompanying him are armed. For another thing, he’s played by veteran screen villain Telly Savalas.
The two crews finally enter the ship and …. hey, there’s even more people on the boat! At the end of The Poseidon Adventure, we were told that only six people had survived the disaster but apparently, that was just a damn lie. The ship is literally crawling with people who still haven’t gotten out. (Why didn’t the people who rescued the first batch of survivors check to make sure that they had gotten everyone?) There’s Tex (Slim Pickens), who says he’s from “Big D” and talks about how he owns an oil well (as we all do in Big D). There’s Frank Mazzetti (Peter Boyle, basically playing the same loudmouth that Ernest Borgnine played in the first film) and his daughter Theresa (Angela Cartwright) and Theresa’s new boyfriend, Larry (Mark Harmon). There’s a nurse (Shirley Jones) and a blind man (Jack Warden) and his wife (Shirley Knight). There’s Susanne (Veronica Hamel), the cool femme fatale who has a connection to Svevo.
While Svevo searches for a crate of plutonium (what the Hell was that doing on the Poseidon?), Mike tries to get the survivors to safety. That means once again climbing up to the hull while the ship shakes and the engines continue to explode. Both the first film and the sequel feature the exact same footage of the engines exploding. At this rate, I guess the Poseidon might finally sink sometime this year.
Directed by Irwin Allen (who produced the first film), Beyond The Poseidon Adventure is about as bad as a film could be. The first film had plenty of silly moments but it also had the entertaining spectacle of Gene Hackman and Ernest Borgnine competing to see who could yell the loudest. Beyond the Poseidon Adventure has Michael Caine and Telly Savalas both looking bored while Peter Boyle complains, “That was the worst New Year’s Party I’ve ever been to!” and Sally Field says stuff like, “I’ve been to Anzio! It’s the pits!” At one point, Slim Pickens says that he’s as phony as a three dollar bill. The same could be said of this film. Beyond The Poseidon Adventure looks and feels cheap and generates none of the suspense of the first film.
As Beyond The Poseidon Adventure ended, I found myself worrying that there might be other passengers still stuck on the ship. I mean, apparently, it’s very easy to not only survive on a capsized cruise ship but also to be overlooked by professional rescue crews. Unfortunately, there was not another sequel so those folks were just out of luck.
On June 27th, 1976, four terrorists hijacked an Air France flight and diverted it to Entebbe Airport in Uganda. With the blessing of dictator Idi Amin and with the help of a deployment of Ugandan soldiers, the terrorists held all of the Israeli passengers hostage while allowing the non-Jewish passengers to leave. The terrorists issued the usual set of demands. The Israelis responded with Operation Thunderbolt, a daring July 4th raid on the airport that led to death of all the terrorists and the rescue of the hostages. Three hostages were killed in the firefight and a fourth — Dora Bloch — was subsequently murdered in a Ugandan hospital by Idi Amin’s secret police. Only one commando — Yonatan Netanyahu — was lost during the raid. His younger brother, Benjamin, would later become Prime Minister of Israel.
When wealthy playboy David Greenhill (Don Johnson, doing a one-note Michael Douglas impersonation) is accused of throwing his wife out of a window, there’s only one lawyer who he wants to defend him. Jennifer Haines (Rebecca De Mornay) may have just won a huge case but it is obvious that the only reason that David wants her on his team is because she’s sexy as Hell and David has an obsessive streak. Still, despite the misgivings of her boyfriend (Stephen Lang) and her mentor (Jack Warden), she takes the case, convinced that she is the only attorney smart enough to be able to get David acquitted.
Based on a novel by veteran sports writer Dan Jenkins, Dead Solid Perfect takes an episodic look at a year on the PGA tour. Kenny Lee (Randy Quaid) is a good but aging golfer who wants to finally have his time in the spotlight. His sponsor (Jack Warden) is an eccentric old racist. His girlfriend (Corinne Bohrer, who has a lengthy scene where she walks naked down hotel hallway while carrying an ice bucket) isn’t looking for a commitment while his wife (Kathryn Harrold) is getting sick of his emotional immaturity. Kenny Lee just wants to hit the perfect shot.
The year is 1874 and James Otis (Charles Bronson) is traveling through the Dakota Territory. Everywhere that James Otis goes, someone tries to shoot him. This is because James Otis is actually the infamous Wild Bill Hickcock and everyone this side of Deadwood has a reason to want him dead. Hickcock has returned to the territory because he is losing his eyesight and he fears that he may be dying. Hickcock has been having nightmares about a giant albino buffalo and believes that it is his destiny to either kill it or be killed himself.
