Hallmark Review: October Kiss (2015, dir. Lynne Stopkewich)

Posted on October 23, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

This is one of those Hallmark movies that has me scratching my head. Not because it doesn’t make sense. It does. Not because it is screwed up. I actually like this one quite a bit. What has me confused is the title. Yes, it takes place during October. Yes, the boy and girl eventually kiss, but it’s not like that is some central plot point. Oh, well.

That’s Poppy (Ashley Williams) running a yoga class when she invites another lady up to show something. Poppy notices that this lady is quite good and asks if she wants to run the class. She says sure, so Poppy leaves. We then see her leave another job. The point is that she seems to have a fear of committing, but it really isn’t quite like that. It’s more that she just hasn’t found something that truly makes her happy and is willing to quit something at the drop of a hat.

That’s when she stumbles into the job of being a temporary nanny for a couple of kids. She is going to be their nanny through Halloween since their dad is in the middle of the release of a new app he has been developing. He’s going to be busy and could use some help. Seeing as its only temporary and everything, she agrees to do it.

What do you know? She’s good at it. Williams is a delight in this movie. I hate when a review is this short, but there is really not much more to talk about. As she spends more time with the kids, she spends more time with their father.

There is a wrong girl, but she has class and steps aside. He decides he needs to spend more time with his family. She figures out that she’s found someplace and someone that doesn’t just satisfy her temporarily, but is something more permanent. It’s not a particularly original Hallmark movie by any stretch of the imagination. It’s just done well, which makes it an entertaining, but throwaway movie. That’s all a Hallmark movie really should be. There’s a reason they make so many of them. I just wish more of them could be like this and none of them be like A Country Wedding.

The TSL’S Daily Horror Grindhouse: Devil Monster (dir by S. Edwin Graham)

Posted on October 23, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh my God, where to begin with this?

Okay, how about with a few confessions.

Number one, I came across the 1946 film Devil Monster in my 100 Horror Classic Movie Pack from Mill Creek. The main reason that I decided to watch and review it was because it only had a running time of 64 minutes. (On a good night, I have a 10-minute attention span.)

Number two, I guess it’s debatable whether or not Devil Monster really qualifies as horror movie. I mean, it is called Devil Monster. And there’s a big stingray that shows up during the final 10 minutes of the film and it rips off someone’s arm. I assume the stingray is meant to be the devil monster of the title. It’s not really scary but it’s supposed to be. What matters is that, from the title and some of the dialogue, it’s obvious that an attempt was made to sell this movie as being at least partially a horror film.

Finally, you may have noticed that I mentioned that Devil Monster was a 1946 film. Well, that’s actually debatable. Devil Monster was apparently released in 1946 but, according to Wikipedia and the imdb, it’s actually a re-edited version of a 1936 film called The Sea Fiend. Footage from The Sea Fiend was apparently mixed with stock footage and scenes lifted from other random films. (One scene, featuring a bunch of island natives dancing, was clearly lifted from a silent film.) The film was then dubbed over and a heavy-handed, nonstop narration was added in an attempt to link all of these random scenes together. So, even though Devil Monster was released in 1946, it was actually filmed, in pieces, much earlier.

And really, that’s the main thing that I liked about Devil Monster. It’s not that the film is in any way good or memorable. (Well, it is memorable but mostly in a WTF sort of way.) Instead, it’s a testament to the “never give up” attitude of the best B-filmmakers. The producers of Devil Monster took a bunch of random footage, crammed it all together, and created something that resembles a movie. Good for them.

As for the movie itself, it’s about a bunch of tuna fishermen who take the boat out and decide, in between searching for tuna, to stop by an island and pick up Jose (Jack Del Rio), who has been hiding out on the island ever since he was shipwrecked. The problem is that Jose doesn’t want to go home and, after he’s forcefully dragged onto the boat, he decided to sail the boat into a part of the ocean that is home to the Devil Monster. But then once the Devil Monster shows up, Jose changes his mind about killing everyone. He jumps overboard and gets into a fight with the Devil Monster and … well, you simply have to watch it to truly understand how ludicrous this fight truly is. Basically, footage of Jose throwing punches was superimposed over footage of a stingray in the ocean. As a result, the scene features Jose punching the stingray and the stingray not reacting at all. On top of all that, Jose is somewhat transparent. You can literally see the ocean through him. And, in the scenes where Jose is supposed to be swimming, you can see the hands of the crew holding him up in the air.

(Meanwhile, as we watch all this, we hear — but do not see — the tuna fishermen cheering Jose on. “Get that devil fish, Jose!” someone yells.)

Of course, before that exciting scene, we get to see a battle between an octopus and a moray eel. They are supposed to be at the bottom of the ocean but it’s obvious that they are actually in an aquarium. How obvious? Obvious enough that the studio lights are reflected in the glass and that the octopus tentacles gets stuck on the side of the aquarium in a few scenes.

And, before we watch the octopus/eel battle, the fisherman stop off at an island, where they meet a bunch of topless native girls. We don’t actually see the fisherman interact with the natives. Instead, we just hear the narrator tell us how much they enjoyed hanging out with the girls. The natives, of course, change ethnicity from scene-to-scene, depending on from which source the footage has been lifted.

One of my favorite parts of this film comes at the end. That’s where the boat captain’s son spots Jose and says, “There he is now.” We then see Jose walking, before cutting back to the exact same footage of the son saying, “There he is now,” followed by the exact same footage of Jose walking.

My other favorite part of the film comes about 40 minutes in. That’s when the screen goes black and we’re presented with a title card that reads, “One Moment Please, While We Change Reels.”

Of course, there’s also the scene where one of the fishermen suddenly yells, “TUNA! TUNA! TUNA!” He’s just sounds so excited.

Devil Monster is in the public domain and can be found on YouTube. Watch it at least once, just so you can say that you’ve seen it.

Horror Film Review: Hell Night (dir by Tom DeSimone)

Posted on October 23, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s pledge initiation night at Generic University! Four students are hoping to join the Alpha Sigma Rho fraternity and its sister sorority. Denise (Suki Goodwin) is English and never goes anywhere without a supply of quaaludes and a flask of Jack Daniels. Seth (Vincent Van Patten) is the blonde jock, who wants to spend the entire night hooking up with Denise, despite the fact that Denise keeps calling him, “Wes.” Jeff (Peter Barton) is the sensitive rich kid who fears that the only reason he’s getting into the fraternity is because of his family’s money. And Marti (Linda Blair) is the girl from a poor family who works on cars during her spare time. In order to pass the initiation, they have to spend the night in deserted Garth Manor.

However, they won’t be alone in Garth Manor. The president of the fraternity, Peter (Kevin Brophy), is planning on spending the entire night playing pranks on them. Helping him will be his girlfriend, May West (Jenny Nuemann) and his nerdy best friend, Scott (Jimmy Sturtevant). Unfortunately, what Peter did not realize was that the four pledges are all smart enough to know that he’s going to be trying to scare them. As a result, they just ignore his best efforts to make things creepy.

Of course, what none of them know is that the legend of Garth Mansion is actually true. As Peter explains at the beginning of the film, it has long been rumored that Mr. Garth murdered his entire family, except for his horribly deformed son Andrew. They say that Andrew still lives in the mansion, waiting for a chance to attack and kill all trespassers…

And that’s pretty much exactly what happens!

But you know what? For a relatively straight forward slasher film from 1981, Hell Night is not a bad film at all. In fact, with its relative lack of gore, nudity, and painfully stupid victims, it can probably be argued that Hell Night is a slasher film for people who don’t like slashers. Hell Night emphasizes atmosphere over easy shocks and actually devotes some time to characterization. Even if the majority of the characters are familiar horror film types, you still care about them. Even poor Denise, who has the thankless role of being the sexually independent girl who you know is doomed from the minute she first appears on screen, gets a few good lines.

(Plus, the film opens with a costume party so, of course, all of the outfits are to die for!)

One of the things that really made Hell Night effective is that the characters are not idiots. They don’t just stand around waiting to be picked off. At first, they just assume that any and all strangeness is a result of Peter trying to scare them. When it becomes obvious that Andrew Garth is alive, one of them manages to escape the manor and goes straight to the cops. And how do the cops react? They tell him that they’re tired of dealing with drunk frat boys and order him to go home, adding to the hopelessness of the situation.

(But, honestly, if some random guy told you that a deformed monster was trying to kill him, would you believe him?)

Hell Night is full of scary atmosphere, clever lines, and good acting. As far as early 80s slasher movies go, it’s one of better examples of the genre.

Horror on the Lens: Feeders (dir by Jon McBride, John Polonia, and Mark Polonia)

Posted on October 23, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For this morning’s horror on the lens, we have a low-budget alien invasion film from 1996. The name of the film is Feeders and, much like Exorcist II: The Heretic, this is one of those films that simply has to be seen to be believed.

Patrick and I watched this with the Late Night Movie Gang back in July. And we had a lot of fun with this film. Feeders definitely rewards a snarky attitude. Now, if you’re looking for a film with amazing special effects, great acting, and a good script, Feeders may not be for you. But if you’re looking to enjoy watching a true WTF!? epic, so bad-its-watchable Feeders is for you!

Halloween Film Review: Halloweentown High (2004, dir. Mark A.Z. Dippé)

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

This is definitely my favorite of the Halloweentown movies I have watched so far. Yes, it comes across as a failed TV Show pilot, but I still enjoyed it more than the first two. I can’t believe it took me this long to really appreciate him, but the character of Marnie’s brother named Dylan Piper (Joey Zimmerman) is great.

He has a little bit of a subplot in this, but basically his character exists for the sole purpose of being a smartass in these movies. I like that.

The film opens up with Marnie (Kimberly J. Brown) acting liked she cured cancer or something by opening up the portal between the human world and Halloweentown. Up till now that was only open on Halloween. Now two way travel is possible all the time so that this film doesn’t have to re-hatch the plot of the first two films, but can continue really being about accepting people who are different from yourself. Since it seems all these movies or TV Shows with witches must have a council that the character is dragged before…

They really only exist so that there is some sort of thing on the line if Marnie’s dream of having some kids from Halloweentown attend a human high school fails. In this case, she loses her magic. And of course the deadline is midnight on Halloween. So there’s your setup.

Then since Debbie Reynolds will be damned before she’ll be upstaged by Sabrina, The Teenage Witch, which actually had Coolio in it, she references one of his most famous music videos. She pulls an endless stream of kids out of a VW Bug. For those of you too young to remember. Here’s Coolio’s cover of Fantastic Voyage.

Reynolds also comes with a living purse.

Yeah, screw you lady from Smart Cookies and your purse big enough to hold a severed head. Reynolds purse doubles as an attack dog. Reynolds not only arranged for the kids from Halloweentown, I mean Canada as there cover story says, to attend the school, but she is going to teach there too. Thankfully, they do next to nothing with that because the one scene where she really does that is embarrassingly bad.

There is a special locker through which the kids from Halloweentown can travel that acts as a lounge where they don’t have to wear their human costumes. This is when a short little part caught my ear. I even had to rewind it to make sure I heard it correctly. It’s not emphasized or anything, but it’s a nice little subtle touch. One of the girls talks about an experience she had with two “cheer leaders”. She says it the same way someone who isn’t from the human world would. Something like this isn’t too unusual in a movie with a plot like this, but it’s done with so little emphasis that you could miss it. It’s like when I notice a Hallmark movie that properly fakes a computer screen. Realistically, most of them don’t show the screen long enough for it to really need to be done with authenticity, but it shows they cared enough to get it right. That’s how this felt.

In this one Marnie has a romantic interest again. Or I should say there’s a guy who likes her, but the poor dude keeps getting screwed over by the plot when all he wants is to ask her out. She likes him and everything. She gets her metaphorical erection the moment he shows up, but the plot just keeps getting in the way.

As you can guess, the rest is mostly about acceptance. However, you need a villain. They come in the form of what are called knights. Just imagine one of those last episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise where Peter Weller tries to stop the creation of the Federation just before it’s formation. They want to keep the human world and Halloweentown separate and close the portal forever. This part takes a bit of a backseat to the whole getting along thing and only really pops up so that we can have a confrontation at the end.

This guy is the main baddy and I love this scene where he manifests himself at a Halloween fair the kids are having. Even before it happens, you know instantly that Debbie Reynolds is not going to have any of this man’s shit (excuse my language). And you’re right because she immediately smacks him down with her magic. I loved that.

Ultimately, it comes down to referencing Charmed by having the three Cromwell witches imprison the bad guy inside of a mirror. Then Marnie finally has nothing to get in her way of getting a little, so she takes the guy who has been trying to ask her out for a ride on her broomstick.

I honestly expected this to be worse than the previous two, but I really did enjoy this more. I still have to see the fourth one, but yeah, if you are going to watch these, then feel free to jump right to this one.

Awards Season Is Here With The 2015 Gotham Award Nominations!

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Officially, awards season started yesterday when it was announced that Chris Rock would host the Oscars in 2016. And let me tell you, I was so excited about that prospect that, for the first time since this site began, I actually didn’t even post that a new Oscar host had been officially selected. But anyway, here’s hoping that Chris does well! (Personally, I still want them to give James Franco a second chance…)

However, today, we had the first of our annual Oscar precursors when the 2015 Gotham Nominations were announced! It’s debatable just how much influence that Gothams have on the actual Oscar race. The Gothams are designed to only honor independent, American-made films, which means that several potential Oscar nominees aren’t even eligible. A lot of Oscar pundits have pointed out that, last year, Birdman did very well with the Gothams. But wouldn’t Birdman have been nominated even without the Gothams?

As for this year’s Gotham nominations, Spotlight and The Diary of a Teenage Girl dominated. Spotlight has regularly been mentioned as an Oscar contender. Will the Gotham nominations propel Teenage Girl into the hunt? (Even more importantly, how did I miss seeing Diary of a Teenage Girl when it was first released?)

As well, Carol got some recognition. That’s probably a good thing since, after being an early front runner, Carol has lately been overshadowed by Spotlight, Steve Jobs, Bridge of Spies, and The Martian.

Here are the 2015 Gotham Nominees!

Best Feature

Carol
Todd Haynes, director; Elizabeth Karlsen, Tessa Ross, Christine Vachon, Stephen Woolley, producers (The Weinstein Company)

The Diary of a Teenage Girl
Marielle Heller, director; Anne Carey, Bert Hamelinck, Madeline Samit, Miranda Bailey, producers (Sony Pictures Classics)

Heaven Knows What
Josh and Benny Safdie, directors; Oscar Boyson, Sebastian Bear-McClard, producers (RADiUS)

Spotlight
Tom McCarthy, director; Michael Sugar, Steve Golin, Nicole Rocklin, Blye Pagan Faust, producers (Open Road Films)

Tangerine
Sean Baker, director; Darren Dean, Shih-Ching Tsou, Marcus Cox & Karrie Cox, producers (Magnolia Pictures)

Best Documentary

Approaching the Elephant
Amanda Rose Wilder, director; Jay Craven, Robert Greene, Amanda Rose Wilder, producers (Kingdom County Productions)

Cartel Land
Matthew Heineman, director; Matthew Heineman, Tom Yellin, producers (The Orchard and A&E IndieFilms)

Heart of a Dog
Laurie Anderson, director; Dan Janvey, Laurie Anderson, producers (Abramorama and HBO Documentary Films)

Listen to Me Marlon
Stevan Riley, director; John Battsek, RJ Cutler, George Chignell, producers (Showtime Documentary Films)

The Look of Silence
Joshua Oppenheimer, director; Signe Byrge Sørensen, producer (Drafthouse Films)

Bingham Ray Breakthrough Director Award

Desiree Akhavan for Appropriate Behavior (Gravitas Ventures)
Jonas Carpigano for Mediterranea (Sundance Selects)
Marielle Heller for The Diary of a Teenage Girl (Sony Pictures Classics)
John Magary for The Mend (Cinelicious Pics)
Josh Mond for James White (The Film Arcade)

Best Screenplay

Carol, Phyllis Nagy (The Weinstein Company)
The Diary of a Teenage Girl, Marielle Heller (Sony Pictures Classics)
Love & Mercy, Oren Moverman and Michael Alan Lerner (Roadside Attractions, Lionsgate, and River Road Entertainment)
Spotlight, Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer (Open Road Films)
While We’re Young, Noah Baumbach (A24)

Best Actor

Christopher Abbott in James White (The Film Arcade)
Kevin Corrigan in Results (Magnolia Pictures)
Paul Dano in Love & Mercy (Roadside Attractions, Lionsgate, and River Road Entertainment)
Peter Sarsgaard in Experimenter (Magnolia Pictures)
Michael Shannon in 99 Homes (Broad Green Pictures)

Best Actress

Cate Blanchett in Carol (The Weinstein Company)
Blythe Danner in I’ll See You in My Dreams (Bleecker Street)
Brie Larson in Room (A24)
Bel Powley in The Diary of a Teenage Girl (Sony Pictures Classics)
Lily Tomlin in Grandma (Sony Pictures Classics)
Kristen Wiig in Welcome to Me (Alchemy)

Breakthrough Actor

Rory Culkin in Gabriel (Oscilloscope Laboratories)
Arielle Holmes in Heaven Knows What (RADiUS)
Lola Kirke in Mistress America (Fox Searchlight Pictures)
Kitana Kiki Rodriguez in Tangerine (Magnolia Pictures)
Mya Taylor in Tangerine (Magnolia Pictures)

Welcome to Oscar season!

Here’s the Official U.S. Trailer For Pride and Prejudice and Zombies!

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the official U.S. Trailer for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies! On the one hand, the trailer looks good. On the other hand, the film is being released in February and it’s rare that anything good is ever released in February.

Here’s the Latest Trailer for Joy!

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the latest trailer for David O. Russell’s upcoming Oscar contender, Joy! The first trailer was pretty much all Jennifer Lawrence. This trailer gives a few members of the supporting cast a chance to shine.

(That said, we all know that the main selling point of this film will always be Jennifer Lawrence and that shotgun…)

(According to some early rumors that I’ve heard, the film’s best performance might not come from Jennifer Lawrence, Robert De Niro, or even Bradley Cooper. I’m hearing that Isabella Rossellini steals every scene in which she appears.)

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: The Nun (dir by Luis De La Madrid)

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When talking about the 2005 Spanish horror film The Nun, it’s best to admit one thing from the start. This film has got an absolutely terrible ending.

It seems to be the unwritten rule of modern horror that every movie has to have a “shocking” twist that’s revealed during the film’s final 10 minutes. Occasionally, the twist is so well-done and memorable that it will actually redeem an otherwise forgettable film. Far too often, the twist turns out to be so predictable that most filmgoers will have guessed what it is within the first few minutes of the film. And then you’ve got a film like the Nun, where the twist will be so bad and so illogical that it’ll actually cause you to hate the entire film regardless of how effective it may have been before the twist was revealed.

I’ve debated with myself whether or not to just say “Spoilers be damned!” and reveal film’s twist in this review. Seriously, it literally comes from out of nowhere and it’s so ludicrous that I almost feel like I have a responsibility to warn you about what the film has up its sleeve. However, after a lot of thought, I’ve decided not to give the specifics of the twist. Instead, I’m just going to tell you that it’s there and it’s really, really stupid. It’ll probably make you hate the entire film. If you ever find yourself watching The Nun, maybe you should stop watching around the 90 minute mark, just so you don’t have to deal with “twist.”

Because, seriously, until that twist shows up, The Nun is actually a pretty well-done ghost story.

The movie tells the story of Sister Ursula, an insane nun who terrorizes six of her students until eventually, they end up fighting back and accidentally drowning her. They hide her body in a nearby pond and go on with their lives. However, 18 years later, the pond is drained and the former classmates start to die one by one.

Whenever it rains or a bathtub overflows or water drips from a leaky faucet, a murderous apparition of the Sister Ursula is formed from the drops of water. It may be because I was raised Catholic and I’ve actually experienced Catholic school firsthand but I thought that the apparition of Sister Ursula was one of the most effective cinematic ghosts that I’ve seen in a long time. Forming from clouds of mist and with a permanently enraged expression on her twisted face, Sister Ursula is a nightmare personified and, as long as she’s lurking about in the shadows, it doesn’t matter that the film itself doesn’t make much sense. Sister Ursula is scary and the scenes where she takes revenge on her former students are truly frightening.

But the film couldn’t be happy just being the type of simple (but effective) ghost story that would keep you awake at a slumber party. Instead, the film has to introduce that terrible “twist” during the final ten minutes and, as a result, the entire film collapses.

Sometimes, it’s better just to keep things simple.

Horror Film Review: Exorcist II: The Heretic (dir by John Boorman)

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Exorcist is one of the greatest horror films of all time and a personal favorite of mine. But what about Exorcist II: The Heretic? Well, it would be a bit of an understatement to say that The Heretic has not quite received the amount of critical acclaim as the first film. Since it was first released in 1977, The Heretic has been widely considered to be one of the worst sequels of all time. It’s a film that is often cited as evidence as to why not all successful films need a follow-up.

Myself, I have sat through The Heretic twice. And yes, it is a pretty bad film but I have to admit that I enjoyed it each time that I saw it. It’s not a scary film at all. It’s not a successful horror film. But, as an unintentional comedy, it’s hilarious.

The Heretic opens four years after the end of The Exorcist. Father Merrin (Max von Sydow) is dead, having had a heart attack during the first film while performing an exorcism on Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair). In the years since, some in the Vatican have cast doubt on whether or not Merrin actually performed exorcisms. It turns out that, contrary to everything that we saw in the first film, Father Merrin was actually something of a rebel. His teachings are controversial. For instance, he was convinced that everyone has latent psychic powers and that the demon Pazuzu possesses those who have the potential to be the strongest psychics. Why? Because those people have the ability to lead humanity into a shared global consciousness and…

Well, it gets a little bit complicated. That’s one of the big differences between The Exorcist and Heretic. The Exorcist kept things relatively simple. The Heretic drags in a lot of metaphysical argle bargle.

The deceased Father Merrin has been brought up on charges of heresy. The Cardinal (Paul Henreid, many, many years after Casablanca), assigns Father Lamont (Richard Burton) to investigate the circumstances surrounding Father Merrin’s final exorcism.

The presence of Richard Burton is what elevates Heretic from merely being bad to being so bad that it’s good. As written, Father Lamont is supposed to be something of a naive idealist, someone who never met Father Merrin but who has been intrigued by his writings. Reportedly, several youthful actors turned down the role and eventually, production decided to make Lamont an older man and they ended up casting Richard Burton. Speaking in a shaky rasp and staring at the camera with bloodshot eyes, Burton appears to be at the height of his famous self-loathing in this film. Burton is so miscast as an idealistic priest that the film becomes fascinating to watch. Occasionally, the film tries to make us suspect that Lamont himself may be possessed but with Burton snarling his way through the role, how could anyone tell the difference?

Lamont tracks Regan down in New York. Regan doesn’t remember a thing about the exorcism and appears to be an overly happy teenage actress. (A good deal of the movie is devoted to her rehearsing a big dance number.) She is under the care of psychiatrist Gene Tuskin (Louise Fletcher). Tuskin has a device called the Synchronizer. When two people are hooked up to it, they can literally see into each other’s minds. They can share the same memories. They can … wait a minute. What the Hell? The Synchronizer essentially appears to be little more than a blinking light but it can actually allow you to enter into someone else’s mind? Doesn’t that seem like that should be a big deal?

Well, it’s not. Everyone pretty much just shrugs and accepts it…

Through the use of the Synchronizer, Reagan, Lamont, and Tuskin get to watch a lot of scenes from the first Exoricst. It also allows Father Lamont to have visions of Africa and another exorcism, this one involving a young boy named Kokumo.

This leads to one of my favorite parts of the film; Richard Burton wandering around a dusty African market and randomly telling people, “I am looking for Kokumo.” It turns out that Kukomo has grown up to be a doctor and he’s now played by James Earl Jones, who appears to be amused by his dialogue. Also showing up in the film’s Africa scenes is Ned Beatty. Beatty plays a pilot who flies Lamont to Kokumo’s village. “Have you come here before?” Beatty asks. “Once … on the wings of a demon,” Lamont replies.

Well, okay then…

The first Exorcist worked largely because William Friedkin directed it as if he was making a documentary. John Boorman takes the exact opposite approach here, trying to turn a cheap sequel into a metaphysical meditation on good, evil, and nature. It’s amazingly pretentious and it would actually be rather annoying if not for the fact that Burton doesn’t make the slightest bit of effort to come across as being in any way emotionally or intellectually invested in his over-the-top dialogue. When you combine Burton’s overwhelming cynicism with Linda Blair’s nearly insane perkiness, Louise Fletcher’s genial confusion, and James Earl Jones’s cheerful humor, the end result is something that simply has to be seen to be believed.

So, yes, The Heretic is as bad as you’ve heard. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch it.