Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.13 “Midnight Waltz/Let Them Eat Cake”

Posted on April 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Roarke is in the director’s chair!

Episode 6.13 “Midnight Waltz/Let Them Eat Cake”

(Dir by Ricardo Montalban, originally aired on February 12th, 1983)

Adele Anthony (Adrienne Barbeau) is a hard-working waitress whose fantasy is to be a queen for the weekend. Mr. Roarke asks her if there’s a country that she would like to rule over. Adele shrugs and says that she’s always liked France. Mr. Roarke has her shoot an arrow and suddenly, Adele Anthony is …. MARIE ANTOINETTE!

Yes, the same Marie Antoinette who was beheaded during the French Revolution.

Like, seriously, Mr. Roarke ….. she couldn’t have been any other queen? I’m not really sure why Mr. Roarke decided to do this to Adele, who is probably about a saintly a guest as has ever visited Fantasy Island. Occasionally, Roarke will use the fantasies to teach someone a lesson but Adele really hasn’t done anything to justify being beheaded.

Fortunately, Adele isn’t beheaded. It turns out that Marie Antoinette was saved from the guillotine by Francois (Patrick Wayne), a leader of the revolution who was shocked to discover that the Queen was not as heartless as he had been led to believe and that she had actually been framed by her husband, Louis (James Coco) and Louis’s mistress, Baroness La Rue (Cathryn Damon). Indeed, all Marie Antoinette did was suggest that the cake that the royals were going to have for desert should be given to the citizens, along with a lot of other food. Louis spread the story that Marie Antoinette had said, “Let them eat cake.”

So, Marie Antoinette (and Adele) survives! Meanwhile, Louis is dragged off to be beheaded. Except, it turns out that Louis was just having a fantasy as well. Louis is actually Mr. Willaker, who runs the Fantasy Island car towing service. In lieu of paying him for his services, Roarke gave him a fantasy in which he was beheaded. The episode ends with Willaker towing away Tattoo’s car.

Meanwhile, John Cook (Lew Ayres) is a widower who wants to have one last dance with his wife, Carol (played, in ghost form, by Rosemary DeCamp). However, John meets and falls in love with Martha Wilson (Jane Wyatt) and instead dances with her. Carol approves, saying that she doesn’t want John to spend the rest of his days in mourning. It’s a pretty simple fantasy but you know what? It still brought tears to my eyes and I still smiled at the end of it. A lot of that is due to the Lew Ayres, one of the great actors of Golden Age Hollywood. Ayres gives such a sincere and downright sweet performance that it’s impossible not to get swept up in his fantasy.

This was a good episode. I’m still not sure that Adele needed to become Marie Antoinette but the last dance fantasy made up for a lot. It was just so sweet! This was the second (and last) episode of the series to be directed by Ricardo Montalban and he did a great job.

Made-For-Television Movie Review: Red Alert (dir by William Hale)

Posted on January 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1977 made-for-television movie, Red Alert, opens with a man walking through a cemetery on a rainy day. As we watch Howard Ives (Jim Siedow) move amongst the tombstones, we hear his thoughts. He’s a sad and bitter man, wondering why he’s wasted so many years of his life at work. He thinks about someone close to him who has died. He’s obviously very troubled.

(Of course, any horror fans in the audience will immediately recognize Jim Siedow from his role as the Drayton Sawyer in the the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He was troubled in that film as well!)

Howard works at the local nuclear power plant. Ominously, when the film cuts to the plant, the first thing we see is a leak of very hot water. I don’t know much about nuclear power plants but I imagine any type of leak is not a good thing. The water leak causes the computer that runs the plant assuming that a nuclear disaster is minutes away from happening. The compound is automatically sealed off, trapping fourteen men (including Howard), inside the reactor. As Commander Stone (Ralph Waite) tries to keep a possible nuclear disaster from occurring, two investigators (played by William Devane and Michael Brandon) try to determined whether the accident was the result of a malfunction or of deliberate sabotage. When the local sheriff (M. Emmet Walsh) informs them that Howard Ives’s wife has committed suicide, the investigators look into the troubled man’s history. Eventually, the two investigators realize that the only way to prevent a nuclear disaster is by risking their lives by entering the sealed-off power plant. The two investigators attempt to do their work under the cover of night and without causing a panic. Needless to say, it doesn’t work. One of them calls his wife (Adrienne Barbeau) and tells her that she needs to leave the area. She tells her mother, who then tells her neighbor and soon the airport is crowded with people looking to get out of town.

Red Alert contrasts the intuitive approach of the two inspector with Commander Stone’s insistence that every bit of a data be fed to his computer before any decisions are made. Stone’s hands are so tied by protocol and red tape that he stands by while the fourteen men who are trapped in the nuclear power plant die. Wisely, though, the film doesn’t turn Stone into a cardboard villain. He’s very much aware of what will happen if the plant suffers a core meltdown. When one of his assistants mentions that he hasn’t been given any instructions on how to evacuate the town in case the plant does explode, Stone tells him that no plans have ever been drawn up because the plans would be useless. There would be no way to evacuate everyone in time.

In the end, Red Alert is scary not because it deals with nuclear power but because it presents us with a world where no one — not even Devane and Brandon’s heroic investigators — seems to know what to do. Everyone is slowed down by a combination of red tape and their own personal angst. Devane is a strong investigator because, as a widower whose only son died in Vietnam, he has no family to worry about. Unlike everyone else in Red Alert, he has nothing left to lose. In the end, the film suggests that the only way to save the world is to cut yourself off from it.

Red Alert is a compelling and intelligent thriller, one that is well-acted by the entire cast and which builds up to strong conclusion. The film’s anti-nuclear message is a bit heavy-handed but I imagine it was an accurate reflection of the fears that people were feeling at the time. Today, the film works best as a warning about bureaucracy and depending too much on AI to make important, life-or-death decisions. In the end, it’s human ingenuity that saves the day and that message is timeless.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 1.21 “All In A Day’s Work”

Posted on February 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

A lot of talented people came together to create this week’s episode of Monsters!

Episode 1.21 “All In A Day’s Work”

(Dir by Allen Coulter, originally aired on May 6th, 1989)

Steven Rose (James Morrison) is a graduate student whose studies of ancient magic have accidentally summoned a creature who looks exactly like him and who also follows him everywhere that he goes. Following the advice of a friend, Steven seeks help from a white witch named Fiona (Adrienne Barbeau). Fiona is willing to help but first, she needs to pick up her son, Ian (Brandon Bluhm), from school.

When she returns to her apartment building with Ian, she discovers that the doppelganger is waiting in the hallway and apparently, it wants Ian’s soul. Locking herself in her apartment with Steven and Ian, Fiona is forced to do the unthinkable. She commits a mortal sin by summoning a demon named Belphamelech (Eddie Velez). As she explains it to Steven, if she can get rid of his doppelganger than she will be forgiven for summoning a demon. And if she can’t get rid of the doppelganger, it won’t matter what happens.

There were a lot of talented people involved with this episode. Adrienne Barbeau, of course, is still well-remembered for her appearances in The Fog, Escape From New York, and Creepshow. Nearly two decades after his appearance here, James Morrison would find fame as Bill Buchanan on 24 and as the prison warden on Twin Peaks: The Return. Eddie Velez is still a regular on television. This was one of the first shows to be directed by Allen Coulter, who go on to direct some of the best episodes of The Sopranos and Boardwalk Empire.

Considering all of talent both in front of and behind the camera, it’s not a surprise that this is one of the better episodes of Monsters, an atmospheric and well-acted 21 minutes that nicely mixes horror with humor. The episode works best when it contrasts Fiona’s magic powers with the normal activities of her everyday life. She can get rid of demons and yes, she can cook up a love potion or two and yes, she knows all of the things to say to control a demon. But, in the end, her main concern is making sure that her son gets to and from school without incident and that everyone has a good dinner in the evening.

Interestingly enough, the episode ends in such a way that makes it feel as if it was meant to be a pilot for a television series that would have featured Fiona dealing with the supernatural on a weekly basis. She ends the episode with both a new romance and a new assistant and it’s easy to imagine all of the future adventures that they could have all had together. If this episode was meant to serve as a pilot, it didn’t lead to a series and that’s a shame because it definitely had the potential to be a lot of fun.

Scenes That I Love: The Duke Makes Quite An Entrance in Escape From New York

Posted on January 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Continuing our celebration of John Carpenter’s birthday, today’s scene that I love comes from one of my favorite Carpenter movies, 1981’s Escape From New York.

In this scene, The Duke of New York makes quite an entrance. Not only does he have an entourage but his car comes with its own chandeliers and a disco ball! Along with writing and directing this film, Carpenter also composed the score.

The Film of Dario Argento: Two Evil Eyes

Posted on October 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1990, long-time friends George Romero and Dario Argento collaborated on Two Evil Eyes, anthology film that was based on the writings of Edgar Allan Poe. An Italian-American co-production, Two Evil Eyes featured two stories. The first was directed by George Romero, while the second was directed by Argento.

The Facts In The Case of Mr. Valdemar

(Dir by George Romero)

The first story is Romero’s, a modernized version of The Facts In The Case of M. Valdemar.

Jessica Valdemar (Adrienne Barbeau) is the 40 year-old wife of 65 year-old, Ernest Valdemar (Bingo O’Malley). Jessica only married Ernest for her money and, now that he’s on his death bed, she and her lover, Dr. Robert Hoffman (Ramy Zada), have hypnotized to him to do and say whatever they tell him to say and do. Even though Ernest is essentially comatose, the hypnosis allows them to force Ernest to sign his name to legal documents and to tell his suspicious attorney (E.G. Marshall) that he indeed wants to leave all of his money to Jessica.

When Ernest dies while under the influence of hypnosis, Jessica and Robert attempt hide his body in the basement. But is Ernest really dead? Jessica is convinced that she hears groaning from the basement and she wonders if the hypnosis has somehow left Ernest in limbo, between life and death. Robert thinks that Jessica is being foolish but it turns out that she’s not. After much paranoia and betrayal, one conspirator is dead and the other is a part of the living dead.

Usually, I like Romero’s work but this one didn’t work for me. From the flat cinematography to the shallow performances, this film felt more like an episode of a television show than anything else. Perhaps if it had been a stand-alone film, Romero could have found a way to make the material a bit more cinematic. (The story’s final shot, of blood dripping on a hundred dollar bill, is the film’s strongest moment and the part that feels the most Romeroesque.) But as a shortened chapter of an anthology film, it fell flat.

The Black Cat

(Dir by Dario Argento)

The Dario Argento segment is based on several different Poe stories. While the majority of the story is taken from The Black Cat, it also contains elements of Annabel Lee, Telltale Heat, The Pit and the Pendulum, and Buried Alive. Though this segment doesn’t really work, it’s obvious that Argento is a fan of Poe’s work and, for other Poe fans, there’s a lot of fun to be found in all of the Poe references that Argento sneaks into his story.

Harvey Keitel stars as Rod Usher, a crime scene photographer who loves his work a bit too much. He’s excited about the fact that his book of photography is about to be published. He’s less happy about the fact that his girlfriend, Annabel (Madeleine Potter), has adopted a black cat that is constantly glaring at Rod. Rod is eventually driven mad by both the cat’s apparent hatred of him and the fact that the cat itself keeps showing up no matter how far he goes to get rid of it. (This film features violence against a cat, which I hated. But it also featured a cat getting revenge and I appreciated that.) Eventually, Rod’s paranoia leads to violence and murder.

Look, this is a film about a guy who has an obsessive hatred of a cat. Obviously, this is not a film that I’m going to enjoy because I love cats. That said, I can still judge the film on its merits, even if it’s not for me on a personal level. While Argento is able to build up a good deal of tension and suspense in this film, the overall film doesn’t work because Harvey Keitel, supremely talented actor that he is, was totally the wrong choice for Rod Usher. Keitel, who reportedly did not get along with Argento during filming, gave a self-indulgent performance that featured a lot of bellowing. It’s as if Keitel is trying to compete with the constantly moving camera. The problem is that a star of a film like this has to be the director and Keitel’s histrionics take the viewer right out of the story.

Considering all of the talent involved, Two Evil Eyes is a disappointment.

The (Reviewed) Films of Dario Argento:

A Blast From The Past: The Fourth Man (dir by Joanna Lee)

Posted on October 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s Blast From The Past comes to us from 1990 and it’s a scary one.

In The Fourth Man, Peter Billingsley (yes, the kid from A Christmas Story) plays Joey Martelli, an insecure high schooler who thinks that he’ll be more attractive to girls if he becomes more like his best friend, friendly jock Steve Guarino (Vince Vaughn, making his film debut and already physically towering over everyone else in the cast). With Steve’s encouragement, Joey tries out for the track team and, to everyone’s surprise, he makes it!

Joey is now an athlete. He finally has friends. Girls (including Nicole Eggert) are talking to him. His father (Tim Rossovich) is finally proud of him. But Joey soon discovers that staying on the track team is not an easy task. His coach tells Joey that he has to pick up his speed. Feeling desperate, Joey does what so many other television teenagers before him have done. He starts taking steroids! (Dramatic music cue!) Soon, the kid from A Christmas Story is breaking out in pimples, throwing temper tantrums, and becoming a rage-fueled monster! Joey only took the steroids because he wanted to be as cool as Steve but, unfortunatey, Joey learns too late that Steve’s success and popularity are not due to how big and strong he is but to the fact that he is played by a young Vince Vaughn.

(Myself, I was fortunate enough to go to a high school where the emphasis was placed more on the arts and intellectual pursuits than athletic success. My school didn’t even have its own football field. We had to share with the high school down the street! Anyway, as a result, I don’t think knew anyone in high school who was abusing steroids and I never had to deal with anyone suddenly flying into a rage and punching a hole in a wall or any of the other stuff that always happens whenever anyone abuses steroids on television.)

The Fourth Man was written and directed by Joanna Lee, who is perhaps best known for playing Tanna the Alien in Ed Wood’s Plan Nine From Outer Space. (Lee, it should be noted, had a very long and respected career as a writer and director of television dramas. In many ways, she had the career that Ed Wood imagined that he would someday have.) Along with Billingsley and Vaughn, the cast includes horror mainstay Adrienne Barbeau as Joey’s mother and football player-turned-horror-actor Lyle Alzado as a man who has his own history with steroids. The film has good intentions and a good message about not taking shortcuts and being happy with who you are but I imagine that most people will just want to watch it to see Peter Billingsley descend into roid rage. And I will say that, for all the film’s melodrama, there is something a little bit disturbing about watching fresh-faced Peter Billingsley turn into a physically aggressive bully.

From October of 1990 (and complete with the commercials than ran during the program’s first broadcast), here is The Fourth Man.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.10 “Class of 69/The Pug”

Posted on August 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, boxing comes to Fantasy Island!

Episode 3.10 “Class of 69/The Pug”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on November 24th, 1979)

Once again, this episode opens with no banter between Mr. Roarke and Tattoo. Instead, Tattoo announces the arrival of the plane and rings the bell and then he and Mr. Roarke head down to the docks to meet their guests. This is the third episode in a row without any pre-guest banter and I have to admit that I’m really missing it.

As for this week’s guests, they’re an improvement on last week’s rather forgettable offering.

Joey Lee (Gary Collins) is a former heavyweight boxer who comes to the Island with his son, Mitch (K.C. Martel). Joey thinks that he’s just been hired to serve as a sparring partner for the world champion, Jackson Malone (Fred Williamson). Jackson has a title defense coming up, right on the Island. What Joey doesn’t know is that Mitch’s fantasy is for his father to have a shot at the championship. When Malone’s opponent has to drop out of the fight, Joey is named as a substitute. Mitch is excited, until he finds out that Joey is being pressured to take a dive in the third round. Will Joey throw the fight? And, even if Joey doesn’t, how will Mitch react to seeing his father getting pounded in the face by the world champion? Will Mitch learn that his love for his father is more important than his father’s championship?

This fantasy was a typical Rocky rip-off, right down to Fred Williamson doing a credible Apollo Creed impersonation. The problem, of course, is that the middle-aged and mild-mannered Gary Collins was in no way credible as a heavyweight boxer. The fact that the world champion was played by an actual athlete didn’t help matters. (It’s true that Carl Weathers, like Williamson, was also a football player before he played Apollo but Sylvester Stallone himself had been an amateur boxer before he played Rocky so it was easier to buy the idea of their match going the distance.) In the end, I liked the fact that Mitch realized that his father’s health was more important than being champion. The fantasy had a nice ending, even if it’s difficult to buy the set-up.

The other fantasy featured Adrienne Barbeau as Brenda Richards. When she first arrives on Fantasy Island, Tattoo comments on how obese Brenda is, even though she’s only a few pounds overweight. (Adrienne Barbeau wears a very unconvincing fat suit.) Mr. Roarke explains that Brenda was humiliated at her high school prom when her date, arrogant jock Lance (Tim Thomerson), tricked her into undressing in the gym before then bringing in the entire senior class in to laugh at her. (Yikes!) The high school reunion is being held on Fantasy Island and Brenda’s fantasy is to get revenge. Roarke gives her a potion which allows her to be thin for 48 hours. (In reality, Barbeau just ditches the fat suit.)

At the reunion, Brenda tricks Lance into taking off his wig. The entire senior class discovers that Lance is totally bald and they laugh and laugh. Everyone is impressed with Brenda’s revenge except for Brenda’s old high school friend, Bernie Drexel (Fred Grandy, taking a break from The Love Boat). Brenda sees that she was just as cruel to Lance as he was to her back in high school so she makes a public apology and encourages everyone to be kind to one another. Barbeau then puts the fat suit back on. Bernie says that Brenda will always be the most beautiful woman that he knows. Awwwww!

I actually liked this fantasy, largely because of the chemistry between Barbeau and Grandy. Plus, Tim Thomerson made a great arrogant jock. I know that some people will say that this episode featured too many jokes about Brenda’s weight (especially considering the fact that, even before drinking the potion, Brenda was hardly obese) but I appreciated the fact that it had an anti-bullying message. And if her romance with Bernie inspires Brenda to eat healthy and start getting regular exercise, all the better!

At the end of the episode, Mr. Roarke tells Tattoo that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. “To me,” Mr. Roarke says, “you are six feet two inches tall.”

Uhmmm….yeah, I don’t know how I feel about that ending. It seems like the show, whether intentionally or not, is saying that Tattoo will be forever unloved because of his height. Even without the pre-guest banter, Roarke is finding ways to passive-aggressively taunt his assistant. That’s life on Fantasy Island.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.15 & 1.16 “The Eyes of Love / Masquerade / Hollywood Royalty / The Caper: Parts 1 & 2”

Posted on December 14, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s episode of The Love Boat is one of historical value so let’s climb aboard and get to it!

Episodes 1.15 & 1.16 “The Eyes of Love / Masquerade / Hollywood Royalty / The Caper: Parts 1 & 2”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on January 21st, 1978)

This is an important episode for two reasons.

First off, this episode marked the first time that the opening credits featured video of the guest stars along with their names. This was the only time that this was done during the first season, though it would become a regular feature of the show from the second season forward.

Secondly, excluding the three pilot films that aired before the series was ordered, this was the first super-sized two hour episode of The Love Boat. This episode is split into two parts when it airs in syndication, which is why it’s listed as being the 15th and the 16th episode of The Love Boat.

Oddly enough, despite all of that, it’s pretty much a standard episode. Usually, whenever a TV shows airs an extra-long episode, it’s because some important event is occurring. Usually, either someone’s getting married or someone’s leaving the show or maybe an actor died and the show needs an extra hour to pay tribute to them. In this case, though, it’s just a typical cruise of the love boat, complete with three separate stories and a lot of time spent looking at the ocean.

For instance, Roz Rogers (Michele Lee) and Bill Teague (Fernado Lamas) are a famous and glamorous Hollywood couple who book a voyage and who are followed all the way to the dock by the paparazzi. As quickly becomes clear, Bill and Roz’s relationship is not as perfect as the world believes. Still, Bill is convinced that their relationship can be fixed by Roz co-starring in an old-fashioned adventure film that he wrote. Along with having written the script, Bill hopes to direct, produce, and star in it. Roz is a bit skeptical but fear not, everything works out in the end and she finally convinces Bill that she loves him for him and not because he’s a star.

Roz boards the boat with not just Bill’s script but also a large and valuable diamond. A group of jewelry thieves follow her onto the boat, hoping to steal the diamond for themselves. Vernon (Howard Gould) is the arrogant leader of the group. Taffy (Karen Valentine) distracts Gopher, Doc, and the Captain by flirting with them. Elwood (Larry Storch) is the group’s technician. And Ox (John Schuck) is the muscle who tends to take things literally. When the first attempt to steal the jewel fails, Vernon disguises himself as Captain Stubing and Gavin MacLeod gets a chance to do something more than just look slightly annoyed by the crew. To be honest, I actually enjoyed the jewelry theft subplot far more than I was expecting. Gould, Valentine, Storch, and Schuck all seemed to be having fun playing off of each other. Plus, the whole story ended with a nice little twist that James Cameron would later use in Titanic.

(No, the Love Boat does not sink.)

While this is going on, a blind girl named Jenny (Stephanie Zimbalist) is stunned to discover that one of her former classmates, Steve (Desi Arnaz, Jr.), is also on the boat. Jenny and Steve fall in love but Steve has recently gotten back his sight and Jenny worries that he won’t want to spend the rest of his life with someone who can’t see. Fortunately, it turns out that Jenny’s wrong.

Finally, Alan (Dan Rowan) is horrified to discover that not only are both his wife (Juliet Mills) and his mistress (Adrienne Barbeau) on the cruise together but that they’ve become friends. Alan was an adulterous jerk so it was pretty difficult to really care about this story.

Again, it was pretty much a typical episode of The Love Boat, despite the extra length and the inclusion of a masquerade ball during the episode’s 2nd hour. That said, the thieves were funnier than they had any right to be and the Jenny/Steve storyline was sweet. The ocean scenery was lovely. That’s really all I ask from The Love Boat. This episode delivered.

Horror Film Review: Terror at London Bridge (dir by E.W. Swackhamer)

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On a foggy London night in 1888, the shadowy killer known as Jack the Ripper is pursued by a combination of police and citizens. Cornered and facing certain execution if captured, Jack jumps off of London Bridge and disappears into the murky waters of the Thames.

Jump forward to the late 80s. London Bridge has been transported, brick-by-brick, to a town in Arizona and it now serves as a somewhat tacky tourist attraction. Unfortunately, it turns out that Jack the Ripper’s spirt is inside in the bricks and transporting the bridge has also transported Jack. Considering that Jack died in the Thames, I’m not really sure why his spirit will still be trapped in the bricks of the bridge. It seems like his spirit should still be in the river but whatever. Let’s just go with it. One tourist accidentally cuts her finger while walking across the bridge. Her blood hits the wrong brick and suddenly, Jack the Ripper is alive and killing in Arizona! Can the murders be stopped before they interfere with the tourist season!?

Only Detective Don Gregory (David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff) thinks that Jack the Ripper has returned to life. His captain (Clu Gulager) doesn’t believe him. The sleazy city councilamn (Lane Smith) doesn’t believe him. His potential girlfriend, Angie (Stepfanie Kramer), has doubts about Don’s theory. His own partner (Randolph Mantooth) doesn’t buy it. Even Angie’s best friend, a librarian named Lynn (Adrienne Barbeau), doesn’t think that there’s any connection between Jack the Ripper and the handsome Englishman (Paul Rossilli) who has recently been stopping by the library and flirting with her.

And really, why would anyone believe Don? His theory makes no sense, even if it does turn out to be true. Indeed, Don is remarkably quick to accept the idea of Jack the Ripper traveling through time. Of course, what also doesn’t make sense is the city council’s refusal to shut down the bridge until the killer’s been caught. It’s the tourist season but seriously, it seems like a serial killer — whether he’s Jack the Ripper or not — would be bad for business!

This 1985 movie was made for television. The premise is intriguing but the execution is a real let-down. It’s a 90 minute film and the Hoff doesn’t really seem to get serious about trying to hunt down Jack the Ripper until 60 minutes in. This is the odd Jack the Ripper film in which the Ripper is often treated as an afterthought. Instead, the majority of the film is taken up with Don flirting with Angie and trying to come to terms with an accidental shooting that occurred when Don was a cop in Chicago. The whole Jack the Ripper subplot is almost treated like a red herring, which is an odd way to treat a 19 century villain who can travel through time. I mean, sometimes, romance has to wait until the time-traveling serial killer has been taken care of. It’s all about priorities.

In the end, this one is for hardcore Hasselhoff fans only. Those who want to watch a Jack the Ripper time traveling movie would be better served by watching Time After Time, featuring David Warner as the Ripper and Malcolm McDowell as H.G. Wells.

Horror Film Review: The Fog (dir by John Carpenter)

Posted on October 11, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Time for one more story,” Mr. Machen (John Houseman) declares the beginning of John Carpenter’s 1980 horror film, The Fog.

Mr. Machen is a resident of Antonio Bay, California, a coastal town that was founded with the help of gold stolen from a ship that was owned by a wealthy man named Blake (Rob Bottin). Blake wanted to start a leper colony. Instead, he was betrayed by six sailors who sank Blake’s ship, stole the gold, and used it to start the town of Antonio Bay.

At 12 midnight, on the day that the town is to celebrate its 100 anniversary, strange things start to happen. Windows shatter. Masonry falls from walls. A thick fog rolls across the ocean and seems to move from house to house. Inside the fog are several angry spirits, led by Blake. They not only want their gold back but they also want to take six lives as a way of getting revenge on the six conspirators who stole their gold and sank their ship.

It all starts with knock at the door and, if you look out a window, maybe you’ll see a dark shadow standing in an all-enveloping fog. Answering the door is a mistake. At the same time, so is not answering the door. It’s not easy to escape the vengeful spirits in the fog.

The Fog (1980, dir by John Carpenter, DP: Dean Cudney)

The Fog plays out like a disaster film, albeit one with a supernatural twist. The film follows several characters who are trying to survive the night and the majority of them don’t even meet until the final half of the film. There’s a truck driver (Tom Atkins) and a hitchhiker (Jamie Lee Curtis). There’s the alcoholic priest (Hal Halbrook) and the chairwoman (Janet Leigh) of the anniversary committee. Nancy Loomis, who co-starred with Curtis in Carpenter’s Halloween, plays an administrative assistant while Carpenter’s wife, Adrienne Barbeau, plays the local radio DJ whose son is briefly targeted by the fog. There’s even a coroner named Dr. Phibes!

In fact, the whole film is full of references to other films. The Fog finds John Carpenter in a rather playful mood, with characters named after Carpenter associates like Dan O’Bannon, Tommy Wallace, and Nick Castle. There’s even a mention of Arkham, the fictional New England town that served as the setting for many of H.P. Lovecraft’s stories.

42 years after it was made, The Fog holds up as a very well-told ghost story. I mean, fog is just creepy in itself. Then you add in a bunch of silent shadows standing in the fog and it gets even scarier! For the most part, the actors all do a good job playing rather thinly-drawn characters. Tom Atkins is always fun to watch! The true stars of the film, of course, are the ghosts and they will definitely give you nightmares.

The Fog is a good film for Halloween viewing so watch it and don’t answer the door!