Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.15 “Change of Life”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, things get freaky, as in Friday.

Episode 2.15 “Change of Life”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 29th, 1986)

Once again, Jonathan and Mark find themselves in Hollywood.  It’s interesting just how many of Jonathan’s heavenly assignments involved helping a film or television star feel better about life.  Given that Michael Landon was heavily involved in the show as a producer, director, writer, and star, I’ve usually assumed that the Hollywood episodes were his way of dealing with his own possibly conflicted feelings about being a part of the entertainment industry.

(Interestingly, the Hollywood episodes always seem to take place in a sort of old-fashioned fantasy of Hollywood, where anyone can become a star and where westerns and historical epics were still being shot on studio backlots.)

This time, Jonathan and Mark find themselves assigned to work with actress Linda Blackwell (Anne-Marie Martin).  Jonathan is her new bodyguard and Mark is her hairdresser.  Mark totally freaks out when he discovers that he’s not only going to have to cut hair but that God has lied and provided him with a fake beauty school diploma.  Everyone, including Linda and head of studio security Sam Quigley (Greg Mullavey), assumes that Mark and Jonathan are a couple.  Jonathan is amused by it but Mark freaks out.

(Seriously, though,  Mark and Jonathan are two single, middle-aged men who drive around the country and regularly rent apartments together.  What does Mark think everyone’s been assuming for the last years and a half?)

Anyway, Mark thinks that being a woman is easy.  Linda thinks that men spend all of their time being pigs.  No sooner can you say “Freaky Friday” then the lights have switched on-and-off and Mark and Linda have switched bodies.  Mark discovers what it’s like to be objectified and Linda discovers that Sam isn’t a jerk but instead, he’s a sensitive guy who wants to marry her.

It’s a pretty simple episode, even by the standards of Highway to Heaven.  There’s a bit too much gay panic humor, with Mark overreacting to such an extent that it’s hard not to wonder if maybe there’s some truth to what everyone is assuming.  But, on the plus side, both Victor French and Anne-Marie Martin do a good job portraying Mark and Linda, both before and after they switch bodies.  There’s nothing at all subtle about Victor French’s performance here but, considering that his usual role on Highway to Heaven was to be kind of gruff and stoic, it’s a nice change-of-pace to see him not only doing physical comedy but also showing himself to be fairly adept at it.

The episode ends with both Mark and Linda back in their original bodies.  Linda marries Sam.  As for Mark, he mentions that cows never have to worry about any of the stuff that humans do.  Uh-oh, Mark, don’t give God any ideas….

TOO LATE!

The episode ends with Mark, who is driving, mooing while a cow chases after Mark and Jonathan’s car.  God apparently enjoys playing little tricks on Mark.  Hopefully, the car didn’t end up crashing.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Ugh.  I guess it’s time to get back to this stupid show.

Episode 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 29th, 1998)

The local bowling alley has got a tournament coming up.  The grand prize is a jet ski!  Woo hoo!  Jason Collins really wants to win that jet ski and defeat Louie (Jose Urbina).  In fact, Jason even bets all of Scott’s tip money that he’ll be able to win the tournament.  (Why Scott’s tip money?  Because Louie spots the jar on the counter at the restaurant and assumes that it’s Jason’s tip money.  God, this show is freaking stupid.)  It’s a good thing that Jason is dating Stads, the best bowler in Malibu.

Except …. IT’S A TWO MAN BOWLING TOURNAMENT!  NO WOMEN ALLOWED!

Like seriously, what the Hell?  Both Stads and Sam are outraged by the blatant sexism but Jason is more worried about that jet ski and his brother’s tip money.  He recruits Scott to be his partner but then Scott sprains his wrist when it gets caught in a dollhouse that has been refurbished into a big mouse trap because there’s a mouse loose at the restaurant and…. God, this show is freaking stupid.

Anyway, Stads puts on a fake beard and wears a loose flannel shirt and speaks in a deep voice and pretends to be a guy named Earl.  Jason and “Earl” win the tournament but Melody (Marissa Jaret Winokur) develops a crush on Earl and asks him on a date.  Because Melody’s father own the bowling alley, Stads has to go on the date or else Jason won’t win his jet ski.  Huh?

Since Stads is not a total sociopath, she reveals the truth to Melody at the awards tournament.  (Actually, the truth comes out because Jason accidentally pulls off Stads’s wig but Stads was planning on coming clear regardless.)  At first, it appears that Jason and Stads are going to be disqualified but then the owner of the bowling alley decides to change the rules after the tournament has ended and, as a result, Jason and Scott win a jet ski and hey, maybe Stads will get to ride it as well.

(Seriously, Stads …. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!)

Meanwhile, there’s a mouse loose in the restaurant and instead of following health code regulations and closing the place down, Peter says that Murray and Sam have a day to catch it before he calls in the exterminator.  It’s dumb but I have to admit that I did kind of smile at Murray, Sam, and Tracy’s enthusiasm when it came to hunting the mouse.  They were enjoyably silly.

For the most part, though, this was a pretty freaking stupid episode that felt as if it was pieced together with plotlines and jokes that were left over from Saved By The Bell and California Dreams.  As I’ve said before, this show wouldn’t be so bad if Jason and Scott weren’t total jerks but they are.  One guy with a smirk is intriguing but two guys with a smirk feels like a threat.  I hope their jet ski sinks.

Music Video of the Day: Something To Believe In by Ramones (1986, dir by Preacher Ewing and Bill Fishman)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Wow, I had know idea that the Ramones were in it.

This video, obviously, is a parody of star-studded charity events, which were apparently as big a deal in the 80s and they are in the 20s.  Amongst those supporting the band are Toni Basil, X, Weird Al Yankovic, Ted Nugent, Penn and Teller, Harry Shearer, and the band’s Rock and Roll High School co-star, Mary Woronov!

(Do you all remember the whole U.S. Red Nose Day fiasco?  I know it’s a big deal in the UK but it’s never really caught in here in the States.  For the first American Red Nose Day, all three networks surrendered prime time to Red Nose Day and the ratings reflected the fact that 1) most Americans, despite all of the very aggressive advertising, still had no idea what Red Nose Day was and 2) gone were the days when people would watch anything as long as it was on the “major” networks.)

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.12 “Museum Hearts”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

Wow, it’s been more than a little while since I last reviewed an episode of Monsters!  Well, it’s time to get back to it!  Like most anthology series, Monsters can be frustratingly uneven but occasionally, the viewer does get lucky with a really good episode.  Take this week, for instance….

Episode 2.12 “Museum Hearts”

(Dir by Theodore Gershuny, originally aired on January 7th, 1990)

Cheryl (Louise Roberts) comes to the natural history museum to see her husband, Danny (Patrick Breen).  Danny, one of the museum’s curators, said he would be working late in the basement but, as Cheryl discovers, Danny is actually in basement cheating on her with Edwina (Sarah Trigger).

However, the three of them have an even bigger problem that Danny’s infidelity.  While they’re busy arguing in the basement, the museum closes and all the doors are locked.  Danny’s suggestion is that they spend the night having a threesome.  Cheryl’s suggestion is that Danny find a way to get them out of the basement.

Attempting to reach a high window, dumbass Danny climbs on top of ancient coffin.  His foot goes through the wood.  Danny not only cuts open his ankle but he also steps on the mummified remains of Cerridwen (Pamela Dean Kelly), a Druid priestess.  His foot goes through her chest, revealing her heart.  Danny decides that it would be a good idea to grab the heart and take it as a souvenir.  Cerridwen, who is not quite dead, is not happy about that idea.

At first, Danny, Cheryl, and Edwina are terrified about the idea of being stuck with a mummy.  But it turns out that Cerridwen hates cheating men like Danny.  Cheryl and Edwina proceed to sacrifice Danny, allowing Cerridwen to revert back to her youthful appearance.  The three women leave the museum together.

So far, Monsters has been a rather uneven series but I really liked this episode.  A lot of that is due to Theodore Gershuny’s direction.  Gershuny also directed one of my favorite grindhouse films, Silent Night Bloody Night.  Just as in that film, Gershuny creates an ominous and dream-like atmosphere that goes a long way towards making up for the fact that episode’s story is rather predictable.  Fortunately, Danny is such a sleaze that it’s impossible not take some joy out of him getting his macabre comeuppance.  I liked the fact that all three of the women worked together rather than allowing Danny to turn them against one another.  Instead of getting mad at Edwina, Cheryl put the blame for Danny’s infidelity right where it belonged, on Danny.

This was a good episode with a good message.  Don’t mess around in the basement of a museum because you never know what you might find down there.  And, for the love of God, don’t step on a mummy’s chest.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.21 “Clothes Make The Girl/Black Sheep/Hometown Girl”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time for another cruise on …. THE LOVE BOAT!

Episode 4.21 “Clothes Make The Girl/Black Sheep/Hometown Girl”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on February 28th, 1981)

This week’s cruise is all about money!

For instance, in this episode, we learn that Doc Bricker is from a small town called Cedar Flats.  Doc was the head of a committee that raised the money necessary to send Mike Lucas (Randy Powell) to medical school so that Mike could return home and serve as the town doctor.  However, when Mike boards the cruise with his fiancée, Tracy (Cindy Morgan), it turns out that he has some bad news.  Tracy’s wealthy father has offered Mike a job working at a Park Avenue clinic in Manhattan.  Mike is planning on taking the job because of the money and the fact that Tracy doesn’t want to live in a small town.  Unfortunately, that will leave Cedar Flats without a doctor.

Doc Bricker, showing that he actually is a man of integrity despite also being a walking HR nightmare, decides that he has no choice but to return to Cedar Flats and serve as their doctor until someone can be found to replace him.  He asks Captain Stubing for a six-month leave of absence.  Stubing agrees but warns that the cruise line might hire someone to take Doc’s place.

Meanwhile, Suzy Marshall (Kyle Aletter) is excited because it appears that her daughter, Anne (Lee Meriwether), has attracted the attention of a wealthy man named Jonathan (Larry Breeding).  Little do they know that Jonathan is actually just Johnny, the ship’s valet.  Johnny is wearing another passenger’s clothes and pretending to be rich.

At one point, Johnny takes Anne back to his cabin, making this the first episode to show us what a low-level employee’s cabin looks like.  It’s small and cramped and located at the bottom the boat, which means it’ll be the first to flood if The Love Boat ever hits an iceberg.  It’s also mentioned that Johnny is not allowed to eat in the main dining room with the passengers.  I have to admit that it’s all a bit disillusioning.  Apparently, the Love Boat is a terrible place to work!

Finally, a passenger named Donald Gray (Robert Ginty) tells the Captain that he works for the Secret Service.  He is on the Love Boat because he hopes to capture a notorious counterfeiter.  But what will happen when that counterfeiter turns out to be Jesse (Demond Wilson), Issac’s ne’er-do-well uncle who claims to have turned a new leaf?  Poor Isaac!

Well, don’t worry.  Everything works out:

1) Mike realizes that he has to honor his commitment to Cedar Flats and, after talking to her father, Cindy realizes that she loves Mike enough that she can be happy in a small town.  (Cindy’s father says some very dismissive things about Cedar Flats but it turns out that he was only doing that to get Mike so outraged that he would have no choice but to return home.  He was doing it as a favor to Doc Bricker.  Can you imagine if that plan didn’t work?  What if Mike just said, “You’re right!  New York, here we come!”)

2) Anne learns the truth when she sees Johnny in his valet uniform.  Luckily, she doesn’t care.

3) It turns out that Donald is actually a criminal who is masquerading as a treasury agent and Uncle Jesse is an undercover government agent!  Isaac is happy to learn this but also agrees to keep Jesse’s secret.  “You’re my favorite nephew,” Uncle Jesse replies.  Awwwww!

This was an okay cruise.  The guest stars weren’t particularly interesting but Bernie Kopell and Ted Lange both got an opportunity to show what they could do when given a real storyline to deal with.  Kopell especially deserves a lot of credit for showing that humanity that lurked underneath Doc’s carefree surface.  This episode kept me entertained and I enjoyed the scenery.  Really, what else can you ask for from The Love Boat?

Jack Black and Jason Momoa in the teaser for A Minecraft Movie!

Posted on by Leonard Wilson

Much like Fortnite, Minecraft is a game that everyone has either played or at least seen if they’ve kids in their vicinity. It’s basically a low resolution world building game where you face off against sprite skeletons and spiders if you either dig too deep underground or hang outside at night. It can be pretty fun, and is available on every platform from computers to the Nintendo Switch.

Jack Black seems like he’s out to cover every Video Game there is. With Super Mario Bros. and Borderlands under his belt, A Minecraft Movie is his next target. He’s not alone, though. Joining him are Jason Momoa (Fast X), Emma Myers (Netflix’s Wednesday), Emmy Winner Jennifer Coolidge (HBO’s The White Lotus), and Danielle Brooks (DC’s Peacemaker).

A Minecraft Movie will be in cinemas next April.

Music Video of the Day: Big Black X by X (2024, dir by Shane McKenzie and Gilbert Trejo)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

X is still here.  That sort of longevity from the greatest punk band to come out of Los Angeles, that’s cause for celebration.  This music video celebrates both the band and their history.

Co-director Gilbert Trejo is the son of the one and only Danny Trejo, whose longevity is also worth celebrating.

Enjoy!