Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.16 “Scarlet Cinema”

Posted on November 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, a nerdy film students takes his love of a 1940s horror film too far!

Episode 2.16 “Scarlet Cinema”

(Dir by David Winning, originally aired on February 20th, 1989)

Darius Pogue (Jonathan Wise) is a nerdy film student who is obsessed with The Wolf Man. When Darius steals an old antique movie camera, he discovers that, by looking through the camera’s view finder, he can bring The Wolf Man to life and send him to kill anyone who annoys him. Darius kills a snooty antique store manager. He kills a bully. He kills his professor. He even sends the wolf after Ryan and a girl that Darius likes.

However, as much as Darius enjoys sending the Wolf Man after people, he wants to be the Wolf Man himself. After allowing the Wolf Man to scratch him, Darius shoots him with silver bullets. Transforming into a werewolf himself, Darius goes after Ryan, Micki, and Jack. Unfortunately, Darius didn’t consider that film stock is full of silver nitrate. Live by the film, die by the film….

This episode was a case where the premise was pretty interesting but the execution didn’t quite work. The episode mixes in archival footage from The Wolf Man with scenes of Darius’s victims meeting their fate. So, for example, one sees Lon Chaney Jr. turning into the Wolf Man and then the viewer sees The Wolf Man killing one of Darius’s classmates. The problem is that the Friday the 13th werewolf makeup doesn’t really look much like the Wolf Man makeup. Regardless of how darkly lit each scene is, it’s pretty obvious that the Wolf Man from the film is not the same Wolf Man that is doing Darius’s bidding. It not only negates the whole idea behind the cursed antique but it’s also pretty distracting for those of us just trying to watch the show. And, again, it’s a shame because the idea behind this episode was actually pretty clever.

Myself, I’ve always liked the original Wolf Man. Eventually, Larry Talbot got a bit too whiny for his own good and it’s pretty much impossible to buy the idea of the hulking, very American Lon Chaney, Jr. as the son of the sophisticated and very British Claude Rains. But, even with all that in mind, The Wolf Man holds up as a classic American horror film, full of atmosphere and featuring a pretty impressive monster. Friday the 13th deserves some credit for making Darius a Wolf Man fan because The Wolf Man, with its portrait of a man being driven mad by a curse that he cannot control, fits in perfectly with the main idea behind Friday the 13th. Darius, like most of the villains on this show, isn’t really evil until he starts using the camera. Each times he picks up the camera, his actions become progressively worse. Just as Larry Talbott was cursed by the werewolf, Darius is cursed by the camera. Much like a drug addict, Darius falls in love with the camera and he just can’t stop using it. His addiction changes his personality as it becomes all-consuming,. Eventually, it drives him to become the Wolf Man himself.

The episode ends with another cursed antique safely hidden away and Darius joining Larry Talbot in the cold embrace of death. There was a lot of potential to this episode so it’s a shame that it didn’t quite work.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.21 “The Little Prince”

Posted on November 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, T and T comes to an end.

Episode 3.21 “The Little Prince”

(Dir by Ken Girotti, originally aired on May 26th, 1990)

The Sultan (Fareed Ahmed) of the tiny island nation of Domain has come to Canada or wherever the Hell this show is supposed to be taking place so that he can announce that he is bringing democracy to his nation. Yay! Democracy rules! However, the Sultan is also bringing along his bratty 12 year-old son, the Prince (Marlow Vella). Out of everyone that he could have hired, he selected Terri and T.S. Turner to look after the Prince.

Unfortunately, a gangster named Don Giovanni wants to kidnap the Prince. Fortunately, Don Giovanni has hired recurring crooks Fritz (Dominic Cuzzocrea) and Nobby (Avery Saltzman) to handle the abduction. Why any reputable gangster would hire Fritz and Nobby, I don’t know. Fritz and Nobby have appeared in several episodes of this show and they have never came close to pulling off any of their schemes. As usual, Turner is able to easily defeat Fritz and Nobby and, oddly, there doesn’t seem to be hard feelings. With all of the times that Turner has captured Fritz and Nobby, you do have to wonder why the two of them are never in jail.

This was the last episode of T and T. Not only did it end season 3 but it ended the show itself. The show ends without anyone ever asking what happened to Amy or any of the other supporting characters who came and went over the past three seasons. The continuity of this show was always a mess. That’s especially clear in this episode. Turner has to tell Terri who Fritz and Nobby are, despite the fact that Terri has met them at least twice before. I’m going to guess this episode was probably meant to air earlier in the season. Either that or the show’s writers just didn’t care.

For a show that started off as the story of streetwise guy who was unjustly imprisoned for murder, T and T certainly ended on a silly and rather inconsequential note. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s a Canadian detective show that starred Mr. T. Obviously, T and T was never meant to be taken seriously. The show didn’t need an epic finale but still, I always feel like the final episode of the show should at least wrap things up. The final episode is the equivalent of a final chapter. Its the show’s chance to leave the viewers with one final thought or to at least acknowledge everything that led up to the end. It’s always a bit sad when any show — even something like T and T — doesn’t get a chance to do that.

Now that it’s over, what can I say about T and T? There were a few entertaining episodes. Mr. T didn’t have much range an actor but he was still a big personality and his “don’t be a criminal” speeches were earnest delivered. The show worked better with Amy than Terri. The first season was the show’s strongest. Things went downhill afterwards. By the third season, Mr. T seemed bored with the whole thing.

Anyway, I’m done with T and T! To be honest, there were times when I felt like I would never finish this show. This is probably one of the most obscure pieces of entertainment that I’ve ever reviewed on the Shattered Lens but that’s what I’m here for. I like reviewing the shows and the movies that have been overlooked or otherwise forgotten.

Next week, I’ll be reviewing a new show in this time slot. What will that show be?

Uhmm …. I’ll let you know as soon as I figure it out myself!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.23 “Children’s Children”

Posted on October 31, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark find themselves in a Douglas Sirk-style melodrama.

Episode 2.23 “Children’s Children”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on April 30th, 1986)

When I watched this episode, I saw that the script was credited to David Thoreau and I immediately assumed that it had to be a pseudonym for the actual writer. Fortunately, for once, I actually did some research and I discovered that the writer’s name actually was David Thoreau. He wrote a few scripts that were produced in the 80s and 90s and, in fact, this was the first of seven scripts that he wrote for Highway to Heaven. He’s also credited as writing the screenplay for the classic beach volleyball film, Side Out.

As for this episode, it finds Mark and Jonathan working at a home for unwed mothers. Just the term “home for unwed mothers” brings to mind the 50s melodramas of Douglas Sirk and I found myself thinking about just how old-fashioned Highway to Heaven must have seemed even in the 80s. I did a google search and I discovered that homes from unwed mothers do still exist, though they’re now called “maternity homes.”

The manager of the home for unwed mothers is Joyce Blair (Bibi Besch), who finds herself being hounded by a reporter named Dan Rivers (Robert Lipton). Dan is determined to take Joyce down and, to do so, he brings up a past incident in which Joyce was arrested. Dan twists the facts to make Joyce look like a criminal and soon, Joyce finds that she might not be able to keep the home open. Why is Dan doing this? Like most reporters on Highway to Heaven, he’s just plain evil. But when one of the girls at the home suggests that Dan might be the father of her child, Dan learns what it’s like to be falsely accused.

Meanwhile, evil businessman Jack Brent (James T. Callahan) hopes for a chance to foreclose on the home so that he can bulldoze it and replace it with condominiums. (Bad guys in the 80s always wanted to build condos.) But how will he react when he discovers that his teenage son (Scott Coffey) is going to be a father and that the girl he impregnated in currently living at the home?

This episode is the type of episode that most people think of when they dismiss Highway to Heaven as just being an old-fashioned and slightly preachy melodrama. There’s not a single subtle moment or particularly nuanced moment to be found in this particular episode. It’s note quite as heavy-handed as that episode where Mark begged the President to talk to the Russians and reduce amount of nuclear missiles but it’s close.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.16 “Mrs. Murray”

Posted on October 31, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Murray gets married!

Episode 1.16 “Mrs. Murray”

(DIr by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 7th, 1999)

It may seem strange to review an episode of Malibu, CA on Halloween but this episode does feature Murray dressed up as Elvis so I guess that’s kind of Halloween-y.

Why is Murray dressed as Elvis? That’s what he decides to wear to his wedding, which is being held in the restaurant for some reason. Murray is marrying Amber (Anastasia Horne), who is only interested in Murray because of his money. (At one point, Amber’s friend refers to Murray as being the “mayor of Freak City.” No, Murray was mayor of Malibu …. remember?) Murray will receive a billion-dollar trust fund as soon as he gets married. Jason and Scott try to warn Murray about Amber so, at his wedding, Murray announces that he will not accept a dime of money from his trust fund. Amber quickly leaves the restaurant and Murray starts to sing “I feel so lonely I could die.”

Poor Murray!

While it’s tempting to praise Scott and Jason for looking out for Murray, I’ve seen enough episodes to know that Scott and Jason were probably just concerned that Amber would take all of Murray’s money before they could get a chance to cheat him out of it. Scott and Jason have certainly never had any problem with the idea of taking Murray’s money before. I’d probably be trusting of their motives if not for the fact that they embezzled money from Murray’s campaign just a few episodes ago.

Meanwhile, Tracy tries her hand at becoming a hairstylist, which leads to Sam and Stads looking like this:

Hey, just in time for Halloween! Are we sure this isn’t a holiday episode? It originally aired on February 7th, 1999 so …. nope. It’s just a coincidence that the episode I’m reviewing on Halloween happened to feature a lot of costumes.

This episode was essentially just a re-do of the Saved by The Bell episode with Screech’s Spaghetti Sauce, with the main difference being that Brandon Brooks is a bit more likable as Murray than Dustin Diamond was as Screech. On a personal note, I have to say that, as someone who has big boobs and is proud of it, I kind of resent that that every similarly endowed woman on Malibu, CA is portrayed as being either an airhead (Tracy) or a golddigger (Amber). For a show set on the beach, this show certainly does seem to take issue with those of us who actually look good in a bikini.

(Personally, I think Tracy should marry Murray and start digging into the trust fund….)

Oh well. I could complain more but it’s time for me to get ready to hand out candy. Happy Halloween!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.20 “Micro Minds”

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

In this episode, a new lifeform is discovered.

Episode 2.20 “Micro Minds”

(Dir by Anthony Santa Croce, originally aired on March 4, 1990)

In a college science lab, astronomy student Paula (Belle Avery) is convinced that her personal computer is picking up communications being sent to her from an extra-terrestrial civilization. When Dr. Thomas Becker (Troy Donahue) comes by the lab to find out why Paula hasn’t been coming to class, he is at first dismissive of her theory. But then he hears the voice of Grok (David Parmenter) coming through the computer and he realizes the truth of what has happened.

Paula has made contact with another lifeform.

But it’s not an lifeform from another planet. Instead, it’s a microscopic protozoa that has evolved in the laboratory’s cooling tank. Grok can speak but it doesn’t know much about the world outside of the tank. When Becker shines a light over the tank, Grok thinks that Becker is God. Becker, to Paula’s alarm, rather likes the idea of being God.

Soon, Becker is pouring salt and sugar into the cooling tank, all in an attempt to speed up Grok’s evolution. Paula thinks that Becker is moving too quickly. Eventually, a giant version of Grok (imagine a slimy version of the killer carpet from The Creeping Terror) materializes in the lab and attacks Paula. Paula destroys it and Becker, realizing the Paula also means to destroy the rest of Grok, responds by killing her. Becker, thinking that he has saved Grok, does not realize that Grok is planning on using him to destroy the human race.

I had a bit of a hard time following the plot of this episode, as you may have guessed from the somewhat jumbled synopsis above. This episode of Monsters is an homage to the B-science fiction films of the 50s and 60s and, as such, there’s a lot of technobabble which doesn’t make much sense but which is there so the viewer can at least pretend like the story is rooted in some sort of reality. In this case, the incoherence is the point.

The casting of former teen idol Troy Donahue as the professor is another call back to the 50s. After Donahue’s star faded, he appeared in his share of low-budget horror and sci-fi films. Donahue gives a good performance here, doing a nice job of portraying Dr. Becker’s growing megalomania. (That said, whenever anyone referred to him as “Becker,” I was reminded of that terrible Ted Danson show where he played the doctor who was always pissed off whenever he got off the subway.)

As for the episode’s monster, it looked awful and fake but again, one gets the feeling that was deliberate. To be honest, it didn’t look any worse than some of the monsters that showed up in Roger Corman’s alien invasion films.

This was an okay episode. Even if I couldn’t always follow the plot, the story held my attention. It was a well-done homage to cheap sci-fi, even if it never was quite as much fun as Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.3 “Two Grapes On The Vine/Aunt Sylvia/Deductible Divorce”

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat hosts a special event!

Episode 5.3 “Two Grapes On The Vine/Aunt Sylvia/Deductible Divorce”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on October 17th, 1981)

This week, the Love Boat is hosting a wine tasting competition!

Basically, the contestants sit in the ballroom. They take a sip of wine. They then write down what type of wine they think they just tasted. All of the members of the crew and the majority of the passengers watch them. Seriously, it looks like the most boring thing ever. I mean, I get why the competitors are into it. The winner gets a lot of money. But why would you want to watch people drink? I mean, if you’re crazy into wine, it seems like you’d want to drink it yourself. What fun is there in watching other people drink something? I’ll just say that, if I was on a cruise, I would want to do other things. I would want lay out by the pool or look at the ocean or maybe solve a murder. What I would not want to do would be to spend hours watching other people drink and then spit.

Also, I have to wonder about the wisdom of hosting a wine tasting competition on a ship that’s captained by a recovering alcoholic. Did the show forget this key part of the captain’s character? Merrill Stubing is a recovering alcoholic and he lives his life with the rigorous discipline of someone who is trying to avoid falling back into old habits. It would seem like Captain Stubing would at least mention his alcoholic past in this episode, especially after Vicki says that she wishes she could take part in the contest. Wouldn’t this be a good time for Stubing to explain that an addictive personality can be hereditary?

I know, I know. I’m overthinking. It’s just because I found this episode to be remarkably dull. I mean, I love The Love Boat but this episode was just boring. The whole wine tasting thing just put me to sleep.

It didn’t help that the three stories weren’t particularly interesting.

Robert Guillaume and Leslie Uggams played the two finalists in the wine tasting competition. They each lied to the other about why they needed the money. Then they fell in love and they each threw the competition so the other could win the money. But since they both got the last wine wrong, no one won and no money was awarded. Wow, wine tasting is a harsh sport!

Tanya Tucker and Michael Goodwin played a married couple who got divorced every year so that they could get a tax break. This time, they sailed to Mexico for a quickie divorce. Tucker’s ex-boyfriend, Robert Walden, was on the cruise and Tucker was tempted to stay divorced. However, she and Goodwin eventually decided to get married a sixth time and to never get divorced again. I liked this story solely because it was about screwing over the IRS.

Finally, Betty White wanted to marry Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. but he instead fell for Betty White’s friend, Carol Channing. No worries though! Fairbanks gave Betty White a job so that she would no longer have to marry for money.

It was all pretty boring. As I said, I love this show but this episode tasted as flat as a French wine from 1178.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.16 “Zargtha”

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s werewolf time!

Episode 2.16 “Zargtha”

(Dir by Rick Jacobson, originally aired on April 5th, 1997)

The discovery of a murdered teenage runaway on the beach leads to Mitch investigating a series of killings involving homeless teens. The police think that the murders must be the result of a wild animal, a wolf of some sort. Daimont Teague shows up to tell Mitch that he thinks the killer is a Zargtha, a type of Eastern European werewolf that has found its way to California.

Mitch declares that he’s seen a lot of things over the past few months but there’s no way that he’s going to buy into the idea of a werewolf from Eastern Europe.

Okay, let’s consider this. Over the past few months, Mitch has

encountered numerous sea monsters,
been sucked into the past and hunted by an axe-wielding frontierman
gone to the future and been hunted by cannibal mutants
watched multiple animals explode after getting exposed to space dust
watched two 900 year-old Vikings come back to life and pick up their blood feud right where they left off,
discovered that the world is secretly controlled by the Knights Templar and,
fought an actual vampire!

That’s just some of what Mitch has seen since the start of the second season of Baywatch Nights. And yet, after all that, a werewolf is just too out there!? I know that Mitch is supposed to be a skeptic and I respect that. I’m a skeptic myself. But there’s a point where skepticism becomes stupidity. I may not believe in vampires but that’s going to quickly change if I ever meet one.

After learning that there’s a group of homeless teenagers living in abandoned building, Mitch and the head of the local shelter, Cindy (Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff), try to find and warn them before the killer reaches them. Complicating this matter is that a recent earthquake is threatening to make the building come crashing down and also, the killer is already in the building. And yes, the killer is a werewolf from Eastern Europe.

This was actually a pretty good episode. Though the werewolf makeup wasn’t that great, the creature’s ferocious growls and the relentless way that it would attack still made it far more effective than the usual Baywatch Nights monster. As well, the abandoned building turned out to be a wonderfully atmospheric and creepy location. For once, all the Dutch angles felt appropriate. This episode played out like a nightmare and I imagine, back in 1997, it was probably quite scary to watch with the lights out and maybe a storm raging outside.

Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff was married to David Hasselhoff when this episode was filmed. That may explain why Ryan is barely in this episode and, for the first time in a long time, there’s no scenes of Ryan and Mitch flirting. Instead, Mitch spends this episode protecting Cindy and the kids. That’s kind of sweet. Good for the Hoff!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Mr. Roarke might be a father!

Episode 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on February 6th, 1982)

After last week’s episode with Julie, Tattoo returns this week and Julie is nowhere to be seen. When Mr. Roarke asks where Julie is, Tattoo mentions that Julie is helping with the Custer’s Last Stand fantasy. At this point, I can only assume that a life insurance policy has been taking out on Julie and Roarke or Tattoo, or maybe both are trying to get her killed so they can collect.

Julie not being present means that she misses out on one of the biggest scandals in Fantasy Island history. A former guest, Fran Warner (Laraine Stephens), returns to the Island after seven years. Accompanying her is her six year-old daughter, Nancy (Nicole Eggert). Fran loudly declares that Mr. Roarke is Nancy’s father and that he now has an obligation to take care of her. Fran even has a birth certificate where, under the father’s name, someone has written — and I kid you not — “Mr. Roarke.”

Is Mr. Roarke the kid’s father? As is his habit, he refuses to answer the question directly when Tattoo asks it. But it soon turns out that no, Mr. Roarke is not Nancy’s father. Instead, Fran is sick and may be dying and she wants to make sure that Nancy is cared for. When Nancy learns the truth, she runs away and Tattoo leads a search party across the Island. Fear not, of course. Nancy is found and a very forgiving Mr. Roarke allows Nancy and Fran to stay on the Island. And Fran’s terminal disease suddenly becomes less terminal!

While this is going on, security guard Kevin Lansing (Ron Ely) gets to live his fantasy of helping a great detective. Kevin doesn’t care which detective he gets to help so Roarke sends him back to Victorian-era London so that Kevin can work with Dr. Watson (a charming Donald O’Connor) to save Sherlock Holmes (Peter Lawford, not looking well in one of his final performances) from the clutches of Moriarty (Mel Ferrer, being as sinister here as he was in countless giallo films). Kevin also falls for Nurse Heavenly (RIta Jenrette, the wife of a corrupt Democrat member of Congress) and is pleased to discover that she’s not really Moriarty’s assistant. Instead, she was just another guest on the Island having a fantasy.

The Sherlock Holmes story was silly but fun, in the way that Fantasy Island often is. It’s always interesting when this show goes into the past and we get to see how the show’s crew dressed up the show’s sets to try to make them look historically accurate. The same street appears in every episode but sometimes, that street is in 1890s London and sometimes, it’s in 1690s Salem and sometimes, it’s just in modern day Fantasy Island! As for the Mr. Roarke’s a father storyline, it was predictable but still, it was a good showcase for Ricardo Montalban’s enigmatic interpretation of Mr. Roarke.

This was a pleasant trip to the Island!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.18 “Rally ‘Round The Bank”

Posted on October 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch’s mom comes to visit! Will she get on a motorcycle? Uhmm …. no. She doesn’t. It probably would have been cool if she had. She could have helped chase down this week’s set of bad guys. This seems like a missed opportunity. It’s still a good episode, though.

Episode 2.18 “Rally ‘Round The Bank”

(Dir by Barry Crane, originally aired February 3rd, 1979)

Ponch is nervous because his mom, who is deathly afraid of flying, has boarded an airplane and flown from Chicago to Los Angeles to visit him. (In this episode, we discover that Ponch’s family apparently got rich and moved to Chicago sometime between the end of the first and the start of the second season.) Why is Ponch’s mother visiting? Ponch isn’t sure. He spends a lot of time worrying but, in the end, it turns out that his mother (well-played by Anna Navarro, no relation to that annoying woman on The View) came to town because Baker and Getraer called to tell her that Ponch would be receiving a special safety citation from Getraer.

Awwwww!

Apparently, Ponch has gone a whole year without crashing his motorcycle. I’m pretty sure I saw Ponch crash his motorcycle just a few episodes ago but whatever. The important thing is that this is actually a good Ponch episode. For once, Erik Estrada’s tendency to overact is not a distraction and his relationship with his mom is actually really sweet. When I watched this episode, my first thought was that Navarro looked way too young to be Estrada’s mother. If anything, she actually looked like she might be a few years younger than him. Then I checked with imdb and discovered that Navarro actually was sixteen years older than Estrada.

(I will admit that Anna Navarro — again, the actress and not that annoying woman who hosted a day of the Democratic National Convention — reminded me a lot of my own mom, which is maybe one reason why I liked this episode more than I thought I would.)

Ponch and Baker also find time to chase after two bank robbers, played by Frank Ashmore and Ron Hajak. Because the robbers are a part of a nation-wide rally race that is passing through Los Angeles, Ponch and Baker get to know some of the other racers. Two women invite Ponch and Baker to a square dance. Baker has to decline so Ponch brings Getraer instead. Getraer turns out to be a surprisingly good dancer. Ponch’s mom comes to the square dance as well and, for a few minutes, I thought maybe she and Getraer were going to announce to the world that they were in love. That would have been a great CHiPs moment but it didn’t happen. That’s another missed opportunity.

Missed opportunities aside, this was a good episode. It was fun and it was sweet and it made me smile.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.5 “The Good Collar”

Posted on October 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, even more innocent lives are destroyed by an unwinnable war on drugs.

Episode 3.5 “The Good Collar”

(Dir by Mario DiLeo, originally aired on October 24th, 1986)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice tells the story of several wars playing out on the streets of Miami.

One of the wars is the skirmish between two street gangs, made up exclusively of teenagers. Led by Count Walker (Samuel Graham), the Regular Fellas are pushing drugs and even forcing a promising football star named Archie Ellis (Keith Diamond) to deliver a package of black tar heroin for them. The Regular Fellas are at war with The Apostles. Among the members of the Apostles is Ramirez (Jsu Garcia), an undercover cop who is actually 23 but who is pretending to be seventeen.

When Crockett and Tubbs bust Archie, all three of them find themselves dragged into the National War On Drugs. Assistant State Attorney William Pepin (Terry Kinney) wants to take Count Walker down, if just so he can claim a rare victory. When Archie helps Crockett and Tubbs make a bust and also saves them from getting shot in a back alley, Pepin agrees to drop all the charges against Archie. But after Ramirez is blown up by the Regular Fellas, Pepin decides that he’s going to go ahead and charge Archie unless Archie wears a wire and gets Count Walker to confess to his crimes.

Crockett, the former football star, is outraged by Pepin’s decision to put Archie in danger. Crockett even offers to doctor the records so that Archie’s arrest will be dismissed by the courts. However, Archie refuses. Archie says that he’s responsible for his own mistakes and he’ll deal with the consequences. Unfortunately, in this case, the consequences involve Archie being shot and killed by Count Walker, though not before getting Walker to confess on tape. Walker is arrested and his gang is destroyed but at the cost of Archie’s life. Pepin is happy. Ramierz’s supervisor, Lt. Lee Atkins (John Spencer), is happy. But social worker Ed McCain (Charles S. Dutton) blames Crockett for Archie’s death. And Archie’s grandmother slams the door in Crockett’s face when he attempts to come by to pay his final respects.

What a dark episode! However, it does get to the truth of the matter. There was no way to win the War on Drugs. Even the victories in this episode feel hollow. Regular viewers of Miami Vice would have understood that someone else would eventually step into the vacuum left by Walker’s arrest. Meanwhile, Archie — a good kid with the athletic talent necessary to win a college scholarship and have a chance to escape from the poverty that he grew up in — is shot and killed because a state’s attorney needed to notch up at least one victory. Miami Vice was at its best when it was cynical and it doesn’t get much more cynical than this heartbreaking episode.