Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.15 “Black Pearl”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle mayhem continues.

Episode 2.15 “Black Pearl”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on January 5th, 1997)

TC arrests a woman named Alana (Angela Shelton) on drug and assault charges, just to discover that she’s an undercover DEA agent.  TC fears that Alana is in over her head and he tells Alana’s superior, Enright (John Michael Bolger) that he needs to pull her out of the operation.  Enright is like, “Whatever, bicycle boy.”

And, to be honest, I think Enright kind of has a point.  Why are the bicycle cops always trying to tell other law enforcement agencies what to do?  Every episode, either TC or Palermo and Chris gets a really angry look in their eyes and starts barking out orders at people they barely know.  It’s bad enough that they ride bicycles.  Do they have to act like a bunch of self-righteous pricks as well?

Speaking of bicycles, Victor has to get recertified to be a bike cop.  Uh-oh, sounds like Victor could lose his job!  Even worse, Victor’s partner in this episode is Chris so not only is Victor in danger of getting fired but he has to spend an entire week listening to Chris put him down.  Seriously, there are few characters in the history of television that I dislike as much as I dislike Chris Kelly.  Chris is the type who dismisses everyone’s problems before then launching into her hundredth monologue about how much it sucks going from being an Air Force pilot to a bike cop.

Victor trains with Hans Rhey.  In this episode, everyone is like, “Oh my God, Hans Rey!”  I had no idea who Hans Rey was.  I looked him up after this episode and apparently, he was a superstar on the bicycle circuit.  Hans does a lot of clunky bike tricks  As was so often the case withe professional athletes who played themselves on shows like this, he wasn’t much of an actor.  If anything, this episode reminded me of how stupid most people look riding their bicycles in the middle of the street.

Victor gets recertified.  Alana ends up dead.  Presumably, TC’s upset but since the actor playing him was only capable of one fascial expression, it can be hard to tell.  In the end, the real tragedy remains how dorky everyone looks on the bicycles.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.5 “Roarke’s Sacrifice/The Butler’s Affair”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Roarke is haunted by a past love.

Episode 7.5 “Roarke’s Sacrifice/The Butler’s Affair”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on November 12th, 1983)

This is an odd episode.  Both of the stories deal with love.  In one of them, Lee Meriwether plays a woman who is in love with her butler, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.  She comes to Fantasy Island with a group of friends, all of whom are very judgmental about the idea of Meriwether dating a member of the help.  Mr. Roarke deals with the situation by threatening to reveal all of their secrets.  He explains that he does a thorough background check on everyone who comes to Fantasy Island.  I’m not sure if I buy that because some really bad folks have come to the Island.  Anyway, this story ends with Zimbalist starting to loosen up and Meriwether saying that she was going to continue to train him to be her boyfriend once they returned to the mainland.  I’m not sure if this is so much a love story as much as it’s a “I want to have sex with someone who I pay so they can’t ever say no” story.

The other story is a bit more interesting.  Julie Mars (Cyd Charisse, who I adore) is a dancer who walks with a cane.  It turns out that she and Roarke have been in love for years and the implication is that Roarke spent time with her off of the Island.  This is really a big deal.  It goes against everything that has always been implied about Roarke in the past.  Roarke never leaves the Island, that’s what we believed.  It turns out we were wrong.  He’s not only left the Island before but he’s fallen in love.  Julie’s fantasy is to be able to dance again.  Roarke grants her fantasy and Edmond Rome (Cesar Romero) wants to puts her in a show.  Roarke knows that the only way Julie can continue to dance is if she forgets the love that she has for Roarke.  That doesn’t quite make sense but Roarke just goes with it.  She leaves the Island, acting as if Roarke is just a friendly acquaintance as opposed to being the love of her life.

That was sad!  What made it especially sad is that Roarke doesn’t really have anyone to talk about all of this.  Tattoo was close enough to being an equal that Roarke could open up to him.  Lawrence is just a butler.  Some people confide in their butler.  Some people — as seen in this very episode — fall in love with their butler.  Roarke, however, is lost without Tattoo.

Poor Roarke!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.8 “Wheels of Justice”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, not Ponch can smile his way out of the darkness.

Episode 4.8 “Wheels of Justice”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on December 21st, 1980)

The streets of Los Angeles are dangerous in this week’s episode.

Stan West (Basil Hoffman) is a reckless driver who is constantly causing accidents by driving too fast and making unsafe lane changes.  He gets away with it because he keeps changing his name.

Arthur Holmes (Joshua Bryant) is a drunk who Jon and Ponch have pulled over several times.  Arthur gets away with it by claiming, after every accident, that his wife was the one driving,  Denise (Christine Belford) goes along with it, even though she hates the fact that she’s enabling her husband.

A group of cheerleaders drive around and do their cheers while driving!

Finally, a gas leak at the hospital leads to all the newborn babies being loaded into an ambulance for transport.  When the ambulance is side-swiped by Stan, the babies end up at the station.  Getraer gives everyone a lesson on how to properly soothe a crying baby.  It’s cute but it’s also so manipulative that it leaves you feeling oddly used.  But, hey, at least it’s cute!

This episode of CHiPs took a serious turn towards the end when the drunk driver swerved to avoid the cheerleaders and the end result is that his wife was thrown from the car and killed.  When the car was shown crashing in slow motion, the wife’s mannequin actually fell out of the car.  While I imagine that was probably not planned, it still created a memorably macabre image.  In the end, Arthur ends up sobbing while Denise lies dead just a few feet away from him.  That’s a pretty dark ending for an episode of CHiPs.  Not even a quick scene of the officers holding the babies could change the fact that this was a really downbeat episode.

And you know what?  There’s nothing wrong with that.  Driving drunk is selfish, stupid, and dangerous and CHiPs deserves some credit for not holding back.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.15 “Indian Wars”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Castillo goes undercover!

Episode 4.15 “Indian Wars”

(Dir by Leon Ichaso, originally aired on February 26th, 1988)

The Vice Squad is trying to take down Colombian drug dealer Acosta (Joe Lala).  Acosta does not trust gringos so Crockett can’t pretend to be Burnett this week.  Instead, he’s temporarily promoted to head of the Vice Squad while Castillo goes undercover.  Castillo explains to his bosses that, as a Latino, he’s the only one who can do it.  I’m not sure that I really buy Castillo’s argument.  Do you mean to tell me that, in Miami, there’s only one Latino detective working Vice?  If that’s true, someone really needs to talk to whoever is in charge of giving the detectives their assignments.

Acosta is soon taken out of the picture and replaced by the even more evil Levec (played by the great character actor, Joe Turkel).  Castillo discovers that both Acosta and Levec are being attacked by a paramilitary force that is made up of Native Americans.  Tubbs goes undercover as an anthropologist and discovers that the local Indian chief has made a deal with the drug dealers and his son (Patrick Bishop) is not happy about it.  However, it turns out that the chief’s son is actually an aspiring drug lord himself and that his whole vigilante act is really just his way of getting rid of the competition.

This was not a bad episode, particularly when compared to some of the other episodes that aired during the fourth season.  Joe Turkel made for a great villain and the scenes of the Indians attacking the drug dealers were properly atmospheric.  The episode even includes a small homage to the final showdown from Scarface.  Philip Michael Thomas was mildly amusing when he pretended to be a nerdy anthropologist.  Meanwhile, Don Johnson was barely in this episode at all.  This episode was all about Edward James Olmos’s smoldering intensity as Castillo.

Again, it wasn’t a bad episode but it still felt like it was missing something.  As with so much of season 4, it felt like the show was just growing through the motions.  In this case, it went through those motions with a bit more skill than it did in some of the season’s other installments.  This episode didn’t feature any aliens or any bull semen.  That made it a definite improvement over at least two season 4 episodes.  Still, this episode largely felt like Miami Vice on autopilot.

Retro Television Review: Degrassi High “School’s Out”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi

School’s out!  What does the future hold for the students of Degrassi High?

“School’s Out”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 5th, 1992)

The series finale of Degrassi High left viewers with a few unanswered questions, particularly concerning the future of Joey and Caitlin’s relationship.  Indeed, when the series ended, the majority of the characters still had another year left in high school.

School’s Out, a television movie that aired on CBC Television in 1992, was an attempt to bring closure to the Degrassi story.  Starting with everyone but the perennially academically challenged Joey Jeremiah graduating, School’s Out deals with the final summer before everyone leaves for college or adulthood.  Joey asks Caitlin to marry him and, when she says she’s not sure that she’s ready, he instead cheats on her with Tessa Campanelli.  Joey loses his virginity to Tessa.  Caitilin eventually loses her virginity to Joey (and, at the time, assumes that she’s his first as well).  Snake does not lose his virginity over the summer and spends almost the entire film in a funk about it.  Wheels becomes an alcoholic and ends up in prison after he crashes his car and kills a kid.  Lucy, who was Wheels’s passenger, ends up blind and crippled.  Simon and Alexa finally get married.  Snake, meanwhile, drops the first F-bomb ever heard on Canadian television.  Caitlin drops the second.  “You were fucking Tessa Campanelli!?” As for Tessa, she ends up pregnant, has an abortion, and then apparently hops on a bus and vanishes.

Things got dark!

I’ve already reviewed School’s Out once.  It’s not only a classic Degrassi film but it’s a great teen film period.  Rewatching it, I truly was struck by just how incredibly dark things got in School’s OutDegrassi High had its share of dark moments but never to the extent as seen in School’s Out.  I mean, Wheels’s goes to prison!  Watching Degrassi High over the past few months, it was easy to see that Wheels was destined to eventually end up in some sort of trouble.  He was too angry and too self-centered and not willing to take responsibility for his actions.  There was a reason why, even before the events in School’s Out, Snake was distancing himself from his former friend.  Still, Wheels is a character who grew up over the course of the show.  It’s still strange to think that the quiet “good kid” from Degrassi Junior High eventually grew up, developed a drinking problem, killed a child, and was sentenced to prison.  As easy as it is to dislike Wheels, it’s still hard not to mourn who he could have been if a few things had just gone differently in his life.

That actions have consequences has always been one of the main themes of Degrassi.  By lying and cheating on Caitlin, Joey not only loses the love of his life (albeit temporarily) but Tessa herself is left to suffer alone.  Lucy, with a brilliant future ahead of her, makes the decision to get into a car being driven by the drunk Wheels and, when we last see her, she’s in a hospital bed and unable to see.  School’s out and sadly, the students at Degrassi High can no longer escape the real world consequences of their actions.

School’s Out was meant to bring closure to Degrassi.  And it did, for nearly ten years.  Of course, all good things come back to life.  Degrassi: The Next Generation would premiere in 2001.  We’ll start looking at it next week.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 4.1 “Fire: Part One”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, Lisa will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

Episode 4.1 “Fire: Part One”

(Directed by Don Scardino, originally aired on October 20th, 1995)

Hey, guest reviewer here!  It’s my pleasure to review the fourth season premiere of Homicide.  As someone who lived in Baltimore while the show was airing, I watched every episode of Homicide (and later, The Wire).  It was always interesting to see Frank Pembleton and Tim Bayliss and John Munch and Kay Howard walking down streets that I recognized.  It didn’t matter that the show presented Baltimore as being a hotbed of murder and corruption, mostly because anyone who has lived in Baltimore knows that our city is often just that.  There are wonderful places and people in Baltimore.  There’s also a a lot of problems.

Enough editorializing from me!  Let’s talk about the fourth season premiere.  It opens with Kay and Munch talking about how Detectives Beau Felton and Stanley Bolander have been suspended without pay for 22 weeks because of some drunken shenanigans at a cop convention.  That was the way that the show wrote out former series regulars Daniel Baldwin and Ned Beatty.  (Baldwin was dropped due to his drug addiction.  Beatty wanted to get back to movies.)  Felton?  Sure, I could imagine him doing something stupid at a convention.  But the idea that conservative, straight-laced Bolander would join him in that behavior?  That’s never sat well with me.  That was out of character for Stanley Bolander.

Gee’s unit is now down by three detectives.  He needs replacements but Megan Russert — Tim’s cousin, we’re told! — says that they can’t afford to hire any new detectives.  Maybe Gee should reach out to another division and see if anyone wants to transfer.  Gee looks at the Board, which is covered in red ink.  His remaining detectives are struggling to close cases and nobody wants to partner up with Lewis.

Pembleton and Bayliss, the best Homicide team out there, are investigating a warehouse fire.  An unidentified body has been found in the warehouse, burned to a crisp.  They meet Detective Mike Kellerman (Reed Diamond), the cocky and youngish arson investigator who is convinced that the fire was set by a bigshot businessman named Matthew Rowland.  Kellerman gets on Pembleton’s nerves but he bonds with Bayliss.  Even though it hasn’t happened by the end of this episode, it’s obvious that Kellerman  is going to end up at Homicide.  And because everyone in this episode keeps talking about how they refuse to partner up with Lewis, you can guess who Kellerman is going to end up working with.

Mike Kellerman went on to become one of the best characters on the show.  Everyone remembers the Luther Mahoney story arc.  Reed Diamond eventually became a key member of the ensemble.  But I can remember the controversy that initially greeted his character.  A lot of viewers and critics resented that he was replacing the popular Ned Beatty.  (No one really cared about Daniel Baldwin.)  Reed Diamond was seen as a pretty boy actor who was intruding on a gritty crime drama.  As an introduction, this episode doesn’t do Kellerman many favors.  He comes on very strong and, within minutes, he’s antagonizing and double guessing Pembleton.  A scene where Megan confronts him about going after Matthew Rowland makes it seem like the show is trying too hard to be a typical cop drama.  It reminded me of when Itchy & Scratchy added Poochie and Poochie was just too in your face with his coolness.  Luckily, Reed Diamond was a better actor than Homer Simpson and Mike Kellerman did not die on the way back to his home planet.  Instead, after this shaky introduction, he became a key member of one of the best casts in the history of television.

This episode ends on a cliffhanger, with another fire being set at another warehouse.  Kellerman’s going to be around for a while, whether Frank Pembleton likes it or not.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning Miss Bliss 1.4 “Leaping to Conclusions”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Miss Bliss knows everything.

Episode 1.4 “Leaping To Conclusions”

(Dir by Burt Brinckerhoff, originally aired on December 21st, 1988)

It’s time to dissect a frog for Biology class!  Nikki (Heather Hopper) doesn’t believe in animal dissection and is especially upset that the frogs are currently still alive and living in a box with “LIVE ANIMALS” written on it.

Mr. Morton (Deryl Carroll), the crazed science teacher, doesn’t care about Nikki’s objections.  However, Miss Bliss, the school busybody, definitely does.  Miss Bliss tells Nikki to follow her conscience.  Nikki steals the “LIVE ANIMALS” box and sets all of the frogs free in a nearby creek and probably ruins Indiana’s ecosystem.

Morton’s angry but Mr. Belding lets Nikki go with a warning because Mr. Belding is convinced that a private academy is trying to recruit Miss Bliss.  Belding spends the entire episode giving Miss Bliss anything she asks for — a new globe, money for a field trip, a new projector — while the rest of the teachers receive nothing.  When Miss Bliss discovers that Belding went through her mail and saw she had received a letter from a private academy, Miss Bliss does her usual, “Mr. Belding, you stupid little American,” routine.  Belding laughs and then redistributes all of the gifts that he previously gave Miss Bliss.  Miss Bliss is not amused because, seriously, why should any other teacher have a new projector?  Everyone knows the world revolves around Miss Bliss.

As for Nikki, she steals the replacement frogs but then returns them, saying that it’s not fair for her to take away everyone else’s right to dissect a frog.  So, Nikki really didn’t have any problem with the frogs being killed.  She just didn’t want to be the one to do it.  Mr. Morton says he will have to fail Nikki.  Miss Bliss says that Nikki can just use a computer program to simulate dissecting a frog and you have to wonder why Miss Bliss is the one making that decision because it’s not even her class!

Seriously, Miss Bliss is the worst.  That said, I wouldn’t want to dissect a frog either.  That’s one reason why I lost respect for Nikki when she brought the frogs back.  When you believe that strongly in something, you don’t turn back.

 

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 8/3/25 — 8/9/25


Big Brother 27 (CBS, Paramount+, Pluto TV, 24/7)

I’ve been watching reviewing the latest season of the show that I love to hate over at the Big Brother Blog.  In all honesty, I pretty much lost interest in this season as soon as Rachel Riley made her entrance.

King of the Hill (Hulu)

Over the course of a rough week, the revival of King of the Hill brought me some much needed joy.  I was skeptical when I first heard that King of the Hill was coming back.  I was scared that the revival would be too updated and that it wouldn’t stay true to everything that made the updated show so memorable.  I should have known better and had faith in Mike Judge.  The revival was everything that I love about King of the Hill — honest, sentimental, and very, very funny.  After all these years, King of the Hill remains the best show about Texas ever produced.

Retro Television Review: The American Short Story #10 “The Golden Honeymoon”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, Lisa will be reviewing The American Short Story, which ran semi-regularly on PBS in 1974 to 1981.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime and found on YouTube and Tubi.

Episode #10: The Golden Honeymoon (1980, directed by Noel Black)

Hey, guest reviewer here!  Don’t worry, Lisa will return next week.  Next week’s episode has got Eric Roberts in it and she told me there’s no way she’s going to miss that!

This episode is an adaptation of a short story by the author Ring Lardner, who was a member of the Algonquin Round Table and whose son won an Oscar for writing the script for the movie version of M*A*S*HThe Golden Honeymoon about an old couple (James Whitmore and Teresa Wright) who celebrate their 50th anniversary by going on a “golden honeymoon” to Florida.  While there, they meet the wife’s old flame (Larry Loonin) and Whitmore feels like he has to win his Wright all over again.  Whitmore and Loonin play a lot of different games, like shuffleboard and checkers.  You know you don’t want to get between a group of elderly people playing checkers!  Wright gets frustrated with Whitmore but they make up by the end of the episode.  They bicker but they love each other.

I have not read the original short story on which this episode is based.  Ring Lardner was famous for his wit and he probably could have found a lot of comedic moments in two old romantic rivals having an intense checkers game.  The episode itself reminded me of those films that my high school English teachers would always show in class.  “You are going to love this,” the teacher always says and then the members of the class sit there in stony silence as they watched the slowest, most visually static program imaginable.  This episode was not just boring.  It was PBS boring.

I don’t want to be to negative, though.  I like both James Whitmore and Teresa Wright.  Whitmore was the elderly prisoner in The Shawshank Redemption.  Teresea Wright was in several classic Golden Age  films.  In The Golden Honeymoon, they were believable as an old married couple, who constantly argue but still clearly love each other.

Freddy’s Nightmares Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.3 “Killer Instinct”, Case Wright


GUEST REVIEWER ALERT!!! Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Plex!

I am your guest reviewer for the next few “Freddy’s Nightmares”. I have watched three of them and can tell you without a doubt that this show was never really meant to be. At this time, there were two other similar and better shows that were in production or getting greenlit: “The Twilight Zone (reboot)” and “Tales from the Crypt”. This show likely wanted to be “Tales from the Crypt” and I guarantee that the Boomers who wrote “Freddy’s Nightmares” were fans of “Tales”. This story and the other two I watched were likely failed pitches for “Tales” and “Zone”.

The show struggled because network television was not ready for a blood and guts story and certainly not one where Freddy Kreuger, a child murderer pedo, is heavily in the stories. Therefore, he had the role of Crypt Keeper. I’m sure that this was frustrating for Miramax and Wes Craven because Nightmare had amassed nearly 500 Million Dollars. Also, this show was 16 years before Supernatural premiered where audiences craved and demanded gore. The Freddy stories themselves didn’t really lend to horror as much as they were morality play Outer Limits episodes with a story McGuffin to push the clumsy narrative forward.

However, the show could have been saved, IF it were a 30 minute show. In every episode that I watched, the stories ached to roll credits at the 30 minute mark, but the show had an hour slot and the writers tacked on 3 additional act breaks that were always a big oogey mess. Twilight Zone was an hour, but broken into two stories. Tales was 30 minutes and got to do all the gore and nudity it wanted because it was on HBO. Freddy’s overlong padded stories and the FCC restrictions killed what could have been an aggressively mediocre show.

This episode: “Killer Instinct” had a good beginning. Chris Ketchum (Lori Petty) just lost her mother and she wants to honor her by winning track meets even it means losing her soul. BOOM- That is a story- A 30 minute story. At the 30 minute mark, I had seen enough, but I kept going. Chris has heart, but she is losing out to the faster and cuter Nickie (Yvette Nipar) who always beats her in every race and unbeknownst to Chris, Nickie also want to knock boots with Chris’ boyfriend. Chris’ track coach doesn’t help because she is written inconsistently- one moment she’s booting Chris from the team for not trying hard enough and the next she’s giving her evil costume jewelry…. that can kill!!!

Chris gives the evil McGuffin a try and she: runs blurry-fast (which would likely blow out her joints), kills a teacher by choking him with cotton (Yes, that happened), and causes Nickie’s treadmill to go a little faster- it doesn’t hurt Nickie, but Nickie’s workout was slightly more difficult. Wes Craven really needed to give this story another pass. Before Chris can eliminate Nickie (Yvette Nipar) permanently, Nickie strikes first and steals the costume jewelry of doom TCJOD! Nickie uses TCJOD to kill Chris by causing the finish line tape to either decapitate her or break Chris’ neck. It’s unclear how Chris dies, but she does.

The story devolves into a quasi-ghost-zombie-hallucination story. Chris wants revenge and so she sleeps with her boyfriend all gnarly with rotting flesh and she demands that her boyfriend tries to kill Nickie. He doesn’t though- I guess sleeping with a dead person just isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be. Chris starts showing up everywhere in Nickie’s life to drive her insane – including dinner parties and it works really quickly- very quickly. Before the end of the week, Nickie is bludgeoning her boyfriend to death with a…. track trophy, but in her defense she thought it was Chris’ boyfriend! Confused? Yeah, it’s that kind of show. I guess Nickie came in first place in murder!

See you soon!