Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/24/24 — 3/30/24

Posted on March 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Spending this week at my sister Megan’s, I haven’t really watched that much television, beyond the shows that I regularly watch for my Retro Television Reviews.

Megan and I did watch The Young and the Restless, General Hospital, The Bold and the Beautiful, and Days of our Lives this week. I’m a bit off-and-on when it comes to watching daytime dramas. I usually enjoy them when I do watch them but I also only tend to watch when I’ve got someone around who wants to watch with me. I guess I like talking through the boring parts.

I spent quite a bit of time flipping back and forth from Fox to CNN to MSNBC to follow all of the latest on the Baltimore bridge collapse. There has been a lot of criticism and a lot of conspiracy theories in the days following the disaster and that’s understandable. Criticism and conspiracies are how most people deal with tragedies of overwhelming proportion. But there was also a lot of heroism on display right after the disaster occurred. It’s good to reminded that not everyone is as narcissistic in real life as they seem to be on social media.

Every night, Megan and I ducked into her office and binged California Dreams. It was fun to revisit the show. Megan agrees, by the way, with those who think that Lorena and I have a lot in common. We intended to watch a few episodes of City Guys and One World as well but, in both cases, Megan said that sitting through one episode was more than enough.

Erin and I watched It’s The Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown on Thursday night. It was cute but I always feel bad for Charlie Brown. Everyone gets something from the Easter Beagle except for him. I’m not a dog person but I do like beagles.

On Friday night, I watched another episode of Rollergames with Jeff and our friends Pat and Matt. Watching people get tossed over the railings was fun.

And, on Saturday morning, I got caught up with the latest season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia! I love those bastards.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.15 “A Sweathog Christmas Special”

Posted on March 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Merry Christmas from the Kotters!

Episode 3.15 “A Sweathog Christmas Special”

(Dir by Mel Stuart, originally aired on December 15th, 1977)

The Kotters are trimming the tree and getting ready to celebrate Christmas. (Before anyone points out the obvious, it’s mentioned that they also celebrated Hannukah.) Suddenly, the Sweathogs show up. Shouldn’t the Sweathogs be with their own families? Vinnie’s mother is a saint. Epstein has dozens of sisters. Horshack’s family needs him! Freddie …. well, we’ve never really met Freddie’s family but still, he has one. Then suddenly, Woodman shows up, dressed as Santa Claus! Doesn’t Woodman have a family? Actually, he probably doesn’t.

Anyway, all of this leads to everyone sharing their favorite memories and …. IT’S A FLASHBACK EPISODE!

Hey, who am I to complain? Flashback episodes are very easy to review, because nothing happens. And the clips are from episodes that have already been reviewed. It’s Easter weekend. I’m happy to have something easy to deal with.

That said, I will point out one interesting thing about this episode. Even though it aired halfway through the third season, most of the flashbacks were from the first season. We revisited the Sweathogs having a rumble in the school courtyard. We once again witnessed Vinnie searching the Kotter refrigerator and complaining about the lack of food. “Hi there,” Freddie said about a dozen times. Julie tried to get Gabe to eat her “famous tuna casserole.” “Up your nose with a rubber hose,” Barbarino said several times. Woodman cheerfully predicted the end of the world several times and it was interesting to revisit his descent into madness. We spent a lot of time revisiting the first season but there were no flashbacks to Julie finding out she was pregnant or Julie giving birth while the Sweathogs sat in the hospital waiting room. Seeing as how this was the twins’s first holiday, you would think Gabe and Julie would bring them up at some point.

It’s as if the show itself was acknowledging just how much better the first season was than the seasons that followed. Watching those season one flashbacks, it was a bit jarring to be reminded of the fact that this show started out as the fairly realistic story of a dedicated teacher who refused to give up on his remedial students. The first season was full of broad comedy but it also had a lot of heart and sincerity, which are two qualities that have been missing from much of the third season. It was nice to be reminded of the fact that the show was not always as cartoonish as it later became.

Anyway, on that note — Merry Christmas!

Oh! For those keeping track, Gabe’s pre-show joke was about his Uncle Arnold. Arnold got a hearing aid. It didn’t work well.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 1.23 “Badge of Honor”

Posted on March 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week …. OH MY GOD, IT’S JOHN STOCKWELL!

Episode 1.23 “Badge of Honor”

(Dir by Michelle Manning, originally aired on July 5th, 1988)

Victor Haas (David Proval) is a club owner and also the head of Canada’s most violent ring of counterfeiters. Detective Russ Sharko (Val Avery) is obsessed with taking Victor down. Victor attempts to dissuade Sharko by using a car bomb to take out Sharko’s wife. That just makes Sharko more determined. However, when Sharko’s obsession leads to a bust-gone-wrong and a dead cop, Sharko is kicked off the force. Sharko now has to take Victor and his man down on his own. Fortunately, he happens to own an antique sheriff’s badge. When he pins the badge on someone, that person suffers a violent death.

This sounds like a job for Micki and Ryan. (Jack, again, is out of town.) However, Micki and Ryan are distracted by the arrival of Tim (played by one of my favorite 80s leading men, the superhot John Stockwell). Tim is Micki’s ex-boyfriend and soon, he and Micki are picking up where they left off. (When the season began, Micki was engaged so I guess Tim must have been the boyfriend before the fiancé.) Ryan gets jealous because — surprise! — he’s kind of in love with Micki. Of course, just a few episodes ago, Ryan was in love with a preacher’s daughter. And then, after that, he was in love with Catherine, who was murdered by an evil journalist. Ryan seems to fall in love easily so….

Actually, wait a minute. RYAN AND MICKI ARE COUSINS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RYAN!? Of course, they’re not first cousins but still …. it just doesn’t seem right!

Anyway, at first, it seems like Ryan might be correct to be suspicious of Tim because Tim approaches Victor and offers to help him with his counterfeiting ring. But then we learn that Tim is with the FBI! Why is the FBI working in Canada? I guess maybe the show’s producers were still trying to convince viewers that Friday the 13th took place in America, despite the fact that all of the directors and most of the actors were Canadian and the show itself was clearly filmed in wintry Canada. (This episode is a bit of an oddity in that all three of the main guest stars — David Proval, John Stockwell, and Val Avery — were born in the Lower 48.) The important thing is that Tim’s a good guy but — uh oh! — Tim also gets shot and dies at the end of the episode. Micki is a little bit sad but Ryan is kind of relieved because it means he’ll have a chance to hook up with his cousin….

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL!?

This episode got a little bogged down with all of the counterfeiting stuff. It felt more like an episode of Miami Vice than Friday the 13th. The badge was also a bit of a boring antique because it didn’t really do anything other than kill people. Other antiques changed the personality of the people who owned them and demanded a quid pro quo for their powers. This antique is far more simple and kind of dull.

Oh well. It’s a less-than-memorable episode but John Stockwell was hot and I’m a bit disappointed that he apparently won’t be making a return appearance.

Next week, we meet Ryan’s father and discover that he’s not a good man at all!

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.2 “Hargrove’s Call”

Posted on March 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, T.S. investigates a shooting involving a retired police officer. I wonder what Amy would think of all this.

Episode 3.2 “Hargrove’s Call”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on January 13th, 1990)

Bitter, retired cop E.V. Richter (J. Winston Carroll) lives alone, in a house that sits in a neighborhood that has seen better days. He spends his days drinking and his nights fighting with the teenagers who live in the neighborhood. One night, the teens are setting off firecrackers in an alley behind Richter’s house. When Richter yells at them, one of the teens starts to approach his house with a firecracker. Richter shoots him and then tries to plant a gun on the body. However, by the time the police arrive, the gun has disappeared.

The wounded teen’s mother recruits Terri and Turner to prove that her son wasn’t carrying a gun when he was shot. While Turner investigates and tries to discover what happened to the gun, Detective Dick Hargrove (David Hemblen) most deal with his own suspicion that his former colleague is not being honest about what happened.

This was an interesting episode, in that Richter was definitely the bad guy but he also had a legitimate reason to be upset. Setting off firecrackers behind someone’s house is pretty obnoxious and responding to homeowner’s complaint by trying to toss a firecracker at him is …. well, actually, it’s kind of illegal. At least, it is down here. Maybe it’s different up in Canada. Maybe in Canada, they settle disagreements with firecrackers all the time, I don’t know. That said, when Richter tries to plant the gun, he reveals that he’s gone over the edge and it becomes apparent that if he hadn’t shot the kid over the firecrackers, he would have shot him over something else. T and T will never be known as a nuanced or particularly thoughtful show but at least this episode tried to do something more than just follow the standard “Mr. T growls and beats people up” plot.

That said, I still find it weird and distracting that everyone on the show acts as if Terri has always lived in the neighborhood and has always been some sort of crusader. Two episodes into season three and there’s still been no mention of what happened to Amy or why Terri is now suddenly the one in charge. Are we meant to assume that Terri was always around but not just seen during the first two seasons? Or did something happen to Amy that required Terri to move to Toronto or wherever this show is supposed to take place? The lack of even the most rudimentary of explanations feels weird and distracting. Obviously, T and T was never a stickler for continuity but having a major character just vanish without explanation is a big deal. Shouldn’t Turner be out looking for Amy or something?

Maybe that’ll happen next week. We’ll see!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.3 “Bless The Boys In Blue”

Posted on March 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark become cops!

Episode 2.3 “Bless The Boys In Blue”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on October 2nd, 1985)

Well, here’s an episode that would never be made today.

While driving through Los Angeles, Mark talks about a story that has been in the news. A police sergeant shot a young black teenager outside of a crack house. The teenager was holding a gun but it was subsequently discovered that the gun was unloaded. The policeman has been suspended from the force. Mark, a former cop, is on the sergeant’s side. Jonathan argues that the sergeant could have tried to talk to the teenager instead of shooting him. Mark claims that Jonathan has no idea what it’s like to be a cop because he’s an angel. Mark makes the mistake of saying that he wishes Jonathan could experience what it’s actually like to be a cop.

God — or “The Boss” as the show calls him — hears Mark’s wish and makes it come true. Mark and Jonathan’s assignment is to become cops and, just to make things interesting, God takes away Jonathan’s special powers. Jonathan becomes human, once again. If Jonathan gets shot, he’ll actually get wounded. One gets the feeling that Jonathan is being punished for his pride, though the show never comes out and says it.

On the first day on the job, Jonathan tries to talk a burglar into putting down his gun and it doesn’t go well. If not for Mark surprising the burglar, Jonathan probably would have gotten shot. Having learned his lesson, Jonathan is given back his powers so that he can convince the dead teenager’s father to forgive the cop who shot him….

If any show aired an episode like this today, it would be greeted with howls of protest and those howls wouldn’t necessarily be unjustified. The episode is unabashedly pro-cop, to the extent that it doesn’t even seem to consider the countless number of police shootings that have been ruled unjustified over the years. As well, asking the teenager’s father to forgive the man who shot his son so that the man himself can work through his guilt feels incredibly selfish on the part of Jonathan.

Then again, the police that we see in this 1985 show have little in common with the police we see in 2024. For the most part, the cops in this episode walk a beat or drive around in their squad cars. They’re normal, blue collar folks who are doing their job and who do their best to be polite to everyone. There’s no body armor. No one looks like they’ve spent weeks in the gym. There’s no shaved heads or terse military-style lingo. There’s no dismissive talk of “bad guys” and “good guys.” There are no tanks rolling down the city streets. In many way, this episode feels like it’s taking place in a different reality and, to an extent, I guess it is. This episode is 39 years old but it feels like a work of ancient lore.

Retro Television Review: Sawdust 1.1 “Pilot”

Posted on March 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Sawdust, which aired on CBS in 1987. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

From executive producer Ed Zwick, we have a show about a really terrible father.

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Jeffrey Hornaday, originally aired on July 3rd, 1987)

We bought a circus!

That’s the premise behind Sawdust, in which an accountant named Max Galpin (James Eckhouse) buys a circus after the owner dies. He then pulls his teenage children out of school and, along with his wife, he decides to live with and run the circus.

What!?

Like seriously, why would he do that? Unfortunately, the purchase of the circus and the moment when Max tells his family that he’s ruined their lives all take place off-screen. Max mentions them in his voice-over narration and he says something about how, at an auction of the former owner’s possessions, he bid on the circus but he was surprised when he won. So, I guess maybe Max wasn’t actually planning on buying the circus but he just bid on it to …. what? I mean, as a part of my day job, I have been to auctions before and I’ve bid on stuff for my boss. It was fun and yes, sometimes people do make bids just to run up the price of something. But I still find it hard to believe that someone could 1) accidentally buy a circus and 2) justify uprooting his family to run the circus.

At first, Max’s wife (Marsha Waterbury) and his daughter (Kellie Overbey) and his son (Bradley Gregg) are not happy with him but that changes once they actually arrive at the circus and get caught up in the excitement of putting on a show. Max’s daughter takes the longest to come around, mostly because Max wants her to wear a skimpy outfit while walking across a tight rope that is suspended above the ground. His daughter probably wouldn’t die if she lost her balance but still, it would be embarrassing and what type of father does that to his daughter? I mean, is walking across a tight rope an easy thing to do? Meanwhile, Max gets shot out of a cannon, his wife works with an elephant, and his son dresses up like a gorilla. Max is willing to risk his daughter’s dignity but his son just has to dress up like a gorilla. What the Hell?

Max gets to know the ringmaster, Serge (Elya Baskin), who quits in a huff but then comes back because the circus is all he knows. And Leslie Jordan shows up, not saying a word but playing various musical instruments. We also meet a man who has been hired to serve as the tutor for Max’s kids because again, Max has pulled them out of school so that they can join the circus. Max really is a terrible father. What a jerk. Seriously, his children have not only left behind all of their friends but also whatever hope they may have had of getting into an Ivy League college. Now, they’ll have to settle for a state school. And why? Because their father, despite having no circus experience, decided to run a circus.

This pilot was so weird. There was a laugh track but the show took itself oddly seriously. Max is a character to whom most viewers would have mixed feelings and the rather frantic performance of James Eckhouse does little to make him sympathetic. There would not be a second episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.1 “The Face”

Posted on March 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, we start the second season of Monsters!

Episode 2.1 “The Face”

(Dir by Allen Coulter, originally aired on October 1st, 1989)

The second season of Monsters opens with two redneck brother, Ray (Gregory Grove) and Clifford (Gary Roberts), breaking into a house that is owned by an old widow (Imogene Coca). Because the woman is known for paying for everything in cash and doesn’t even have a bank account, the brothers suspect that she has a fortune stashed away somewhere in the house. (I’m not really sure how the brothers know that she doesn’t have a bank account and, for that matter, neither one of them really come across like they could open a bank account either. Maybe just don’t judge people on whether or not they have a bank account, you know?) When the dumbass brothers stumble across the woman in her bedroom, a struggle leads to Ray suffocating her but not before she bites a chunk out of his hand.

The wound on Ray’s hand refuses to heal. Instead, it starts to resemble the face of the old woman and soon, Ray is hearing her voice and the wound itself appears to be talking. Yikes! Is Ray being driven mad by his own guilt and paranoia or is the woman’s spirit truly haunting him? And will Ray ever be able to get the voice to stop or will he end up doing something unthinkable to his hand?

Either way, that talking hand wound is not particularly pleasant to look at. The second season premiere of Monsters takes it cue from both the body horror of David Cronenberg and the comedic grotesquerie of Sam Raimi and that means that we get a lot of closeups of Ray’s bloody hand and we also see every detail of the lengths that Ray goes to try to silence the wound. I started this episode cringing and, by the end of it, I had my own hands over my eyes because some of the imagery was just way too …. icky.

While the imagery was undeniably effective in its nauseating way, the overall story really didn’t carry much of an impact. Ray and Clifford were both such idiots that it was difficult to really care about any story involving them. In the end, they weren’t even interesting enough to make their downfall fun to watch. This episode worked best as an example of gross-out horror and, if I had to guess, I think the episode’s main aim was to let viewers know that season 2 was going to be even more graphic than season one. The episode makes for a fine highlight real for the show’s VFX and makeup teams but, as a story, it just falls flat.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.9 “She Stole His Heart/Return of the Captain’s Brother/Swag and Mag”

Posted on March 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

The Stubing Brothers are together again!

Episode 4.9 “She Stole His Heart/Return of the Captain’s Brother/Swag and Mag”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 8th, 1980)

This week, Captain Stubing’s no-good brother — Marshall Stubing — returns! That means that it is once again time for Gavin MacLeod to put on a toupee and a fake mustache and to play a dual role. (And, once again, he is credited as O.D. Warbux when playing Marshall.)

This time, Marshall is actually on the boat with the best of intentions. He wants to marry Natalie Martin (Arlene Dahl) and, amazingly enough, Natalie wants to marry him as well. Except — oh no! — it’s Zsa Zsa Gabor! Gabor plays Marshall’s ex-girlfriend. The character has a name but we’ll just call her Zsa Zsa because she’s basically playing herself. Marshall is certainly tempted by Zsa Zsa but, in the end, he does the right thing and he marries Natalie. In fact, the third Stubing brother, Milo Stubing (Sonny Wilde), shows up for the wedding. Wait a minute, Sonny Wilde? OH MY GOD, IT’S GAVIN MACLEOD IN ANOTHER WIG!

Gavin MacLeod plays three characters in this episode and let’s give him some credit. It’s all very, very silly and Zsa Zsa Gabor is not for everyone but Gavin MacLeond pulls it off. (Admittedly, there is one awkward scene where Merill has a conversation with Marshall and it’s obvious that no one told MacLeod where the other version of him would be standing so, as a result, Merrill appears to be looking over Marshall’s head while speaking to him but even that is kind of charming in its low-rent way.) Gavin MacLeod appears to be having fun in this episode and that was definitely the correct approach to take to this show. It keeps the story entertaining, even though not that much really happens with it.

As for the other stories …. eh, who cares? I mean, when you’ve got Gavin MacLeod talking to himself and Zsa Zsa Gabor making a grand entrance into every scene, do you need any other stories? Okay, okay, I’ll still talk about them, even though neither one is really that interesting.

Joan Van Ark plays a kleptomaniac from Oklahoma who falls for a psychologist played by Stephen Keep Mills. Whenever she flirts with him, she ends up walking away with his wallet or his wristwatch. Fortunately, they find romance and good mental health together. The doctor could have just called the police and had her arrested but that would have made for a depressing ending.

Darryl Brewster (Ron Ely) is Vicki’s favorite actor. He plays private detective Steve Swaggart on television. Swaggart can win any fight but when Darryl is challenged to a real fight by another passenger (William Boyett), Darryl ends up trying to pay the guy off. The passenger reveals Darryl is a coward and, for a while, everyone is disillusioned. But then Darryl gives a speech about the difference between playing a brawler and being one and everyone forgives him, including his agent and soon-to-be lover, Maggie (Erin Gray). The big problem here is that we’re asked to believe that Stubing would allow two passengers to schedule a fistfight on his ship without any repercussions. That would be the sort of thing that I think would get most captains fired. Obviously, Merrill was pre-occupied with his brothers but that’s really no excuse for putting the cruise line in legal jeopardy.

In short, it may be time to fire Stubing and let Gopher take over.

We’ll see if Stubing has gotten any better at his job next week.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 1.19 “Epilogue”

Posted on March 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on You tube!

This week, Griff gets a storyline! Who? Oh yeah, Griff! He’s like the photographer who hangs out at the detective agency sometimes. He was played by Eddie Cibrian and he was listed in the opening credits so I guess he was supposed to be a major character, despite never doing or even saying anything.

Anyway, on to this week’s episode….

Episode 1.19 “Epilogue”

(Dir by Reza Badiyi, originally aired on April 27th, 1996)

Griff is concerned about his old friends, RJ (Jared Murphy) and Rene O’Gill (Julianne Morrs). Their mother has just recently died and Rene suspects that she was murdered by their stepfather, Robert Houston (Ben Murphy). RJ, meanwhile, is a junky for both adrenaline and amphetamines and his girlfriend, Candy (Carmen Electra), seems like she might be a bad influence. Both RJ and Rene are due to receive a good deal of money from their trust funds and, if anything happened to them, that money would go to Robert.

Wanting to learn the truth about her mother’s death, Rene hires Mitch and Ryan to investigate. Because Mitch is a terrible private eye, he decides to have Donna go undercover to discover if Robert is hiding anything. Keep in mind that Donna does not work for the detective agency, has got a club to run, is already training to become a lifeguard, and has absolutely no investigative experience. And, of course, it turns out that there really wasn’t any need to have Donna go undercover because, just as Mitch is terrible at investigating stuff, Robert is terrible at covering up the fact that he’s a murderer.

How does Mitch solve this case? When he discovers that someone has been calling Rene’s answering machine and getting her messages without her knowledge, Mitch says, “Dial Star 69.” That’s the extent of Mitch’s detective work in this episode.

(Answering machines and Star 69, could this show be any more of a product of the 90s?)

The main problem here is that the episode revolves around Griff and his romantic feelings for Rene but since Griff is a character who has only appeared in a handful of episodes and never really made much of an impression, it’s hard to really get either emotionally or mentally involved with his story. When RJ is killed during a jet ski race, Griff gets upset and blames Robert but again, we don’t know Griff, we don’t know RJ, and we don’t know Robert.

The best that can be said about this episode is that it features some fun flirtation between David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon, though not nearly enough. Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that it tries to be noticeably more racy than previous episodes and the editing often feels so abrupt that it wouldn’t surprise me to learn that there was a more explicit version of the episode made for Europe. Carmen Electra plays a femme fatale here and she does do a good job of being playfully evil. Later, she would join the cast of regular Baywatch, playing a different character who didn’t murder anyone.

Next week …. oh, who knows? I just want to get to the second season already. That’s when all the aliens and undead Vikings start to show up.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.18 “The Searcher/The Way We Weren’t”

Posted on March 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

Oh my God, this week’s episode….

Episode 4.18 “The Searcher/The Way We Weren’t”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on March 7th, 1981)

This week’s episode was just silly and it’s going to be a struggle to even come up with the usual 500 words to say about it.

Fred Cooper (Jerry Van Dyke) is worried that married life is losing its spark so he wants to relive the early days of his marriage to Dottie (Laraine Stephens). After going through a magic time travel cloud, Fred and Dottie find themselves living in their old house, which they share with Fred’s aunt. Their neighbors are Vic (Jack Carter) and Myra Fletcher (Dawn Wells). Vic is Fred’s boss. He and Myra are also swingers! Apparently, Fred forgot about that but I have to wonder how anyone would forget that? Anyway, Vic offers Fred a promotion but only if Fred will allow Vic to sleep with Dottie. Fred responds by punching Vic out while Vic is hosting a Swingers Convention on Fantasy Island. (Tattoo must have been very happy this week.) Vic realizes that he was in the wrong and Fred still gets his promotion. But is it a real promotion or just a fantasy promotion? Seriously, what the Hell is going on here?

Meanwhile, young heiress Karen Saunders-Holmes (Laurette Spang) comes to the island with her husband, Brian (James Darren). Brian thinks that they’re just on their honeymoon but Karen actually has a fantasy. She wants to be reunited with her father, a man named Noah who supposedly abandoned her when she was an infant and whom she has never met. Mr. Roarke arranges for Noah (Paul Burke) to be released from prison for the weekend and….

PRISON!? Yep, Noah is a convicted murderer and has spent the last two decades in a prison camp. Noah claims that he was innocent of the crime. Anyway, Mr. Roarke introduces Noah to Karen and Brian and says that Noah will be their guide on the Island….

Brian freaks out! It turns out that Brian is actually the man who Noah was framed for murdering. Brian went off and got plastic surgery after faking his own murder, which is why Noah doesn’t recognize him. But Noah soon learns the truth when Brian tricks him into entering a bog of quicksand!

Does Noah survive the quicksand? He does but we’re never told how. Does Brian then freak out and run into the quicksand as well? Of course. Fantasy Island is such a dangerous place!

This was a silly episode. Brian apparently not only had plastic surgery to change his face but also to reduce his age because there was no way he was old enough to a contemporary of Noah’s. And for the swinger’s convention on Fantasy Island …. I mean, what? Mr. Roarke is suddenly okay with a big key party on his Island? How do you forget that you used to live next door to a swinging couple? Like I said, this was just silly. One fantasy features Jerry Van Dyke being way too goofy and the other features James Darren being way to obviously sinister. Neither worked.

So far, the fourth season has really been a mixed bag, hasn’t it? Hopefully, things will improve next week.