Playing Catch-Up With Two Documentaries: 3 1/2 Minutes 10 Bullets and The Wolfpack


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3 1/2 Minutes Ten Bullets (Dir by Marc Silver)

On November 23rd, 2012, an SUV pulled up to a gas station in Jacksonville, Florida.  Inside the SUV were four teenage boys, all of whom were black.  A car pulled up next to the SUV.  Inside the car was a man and his girlfriend.  They were both white.

The man was named Michael Dunn and reportedly, he was annoyed by the loud rap music that was being played in the SUV.  He told his girlfriend that he hated “thug music.”  He got out of his car and asked them to turn down the music.  What happened next depends on who you ask.  The driver of the SUV says that he turned down the music but then his friend, Jordan Davis, turned it back up.  Michael Dunn claims that Jordan Davis opened a door and pointed something at him that looked like a shotgun.

What everyone agree on is that Dunn grabbed his own gun and proceeded to fire it into the SUV, killing Jordan Davis.  Everyone also agrees that no shotgun was ever found in the SUV.

Michael Dunn was tried for the murder of Jordan Davis and the attempted murder of the other three teenagers.  Dunn claimed he was acting in self-defense.  He was “standing his ground.”  Dunn’s first murder trial ended in a mistrial.  His second trial ended with his conviction.

3 1/2 Minutes Ten Bullets was filmed during the two trials and it is infuriating.  Though Michael Dunn was not interviewed for the film, we do hear recordings of some of the calls he made to his girlfriend while he was in prison and it is chilling to listen to him as he continues to insist that he did nothing wrong.  Even when confronted by the fact that no shotgun was found in the SUV, Dunn continues to insist that the four teenagers had to have been armed.  After all, he says, they were listening to “thug music!”  If you had any doubt about the type of person Michael Dunn was before watching this documentary and hearing his voice, that doubt will be gone after watching 3 1/2 Minutes.

Even more importantly, 3 1/2 Minutes features extensive interviews with Jordan’s friends and family, all of whom express their sadness and anger with such articulation that it’s impossible not to get infuriated when Dunn and others casually dismisses them as being “thugs.”

3 1/2 Minutes is a powerful and moving documentary that should be seen by anyone who is interested in taking a serious look at race in America.

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The Wolfpack (dir by Crystal Moselle)

I had mixed feelings about The Wolfpack.

On the one hand, The Wolfpack is a fascinating story about seven siblings who — after spending 14 years locked away in a New York apartment — finally start to enter the real world.  Everything that the siblings know about the world, they learned through the movies.  Inside the apartment, they obsessively recreate their favorite movies, with an elaborate production of Pulp Fiction being a definite highlight.  When they go out into the real world, they do so dressed like the characters from Reservoir Dogs.

(Except, of course, for the one time that one of them goes out while dressed like Michael Myers from Halloween.  That leads to some trouble with the authorities…)

Watching these brothers (and one sister) as they talked about their unconventional childhood and as they discovered what the world was like outside of their apartment, it was impossible for me not to be moved.  I was touched by their love for each other and I related to their obsession with the movies.  I hoped that they would survive in the outside world.  I was happy for them but, at the same time, I was scared for them.  I knew that their new opportunities would come with a certain loss of innocence.

At the same time, it frustrated me that less time was spent on the circumstances that led to them never leaving that apartment for 14 years.  Or, perhaps, I should say that it angered me that they didn’t seem to be as angry as I was.  The father was obviously mentally ill and, while it would be easy to just dismiss him as a monster, I couldn’t help but feel that the truth was perhaps a bit more complex.

The Wolfpack is a fascinating documentary and it’s currently available on Netflix!

Playing Catch-Up With The Lesser Films of 2015: Get Hard, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, Pixels, The Wedding Ringer


SPOILER ALERT!

One or more of the films reviewed below will appear on my list of the 16 Worst Films of 2015!  Can you guess which one(s)?

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Get Hard (dir by Etan Cohen)

Will Ferrell is funny and Kevin Hart is funny and you would think that putting them together in one movie would be especially funny but … nope.  Get Hard, which I watched on HBO a few weeks ago, is incredibly not funny.  Ferrell plays a hedge fund manager who is convicted of fraud and embezzlement and it’s a sign of how haphazard this film is that I was never really sure whether he was supposed to be guilty or not.  Anyway, Ferrell is terrified of going to prison but fortunately, he runs into Kevin Hart.  Hart is playing the owner of a car wash here, a mild-mannered family man who simply wants to be able to afford to send his daughter to a good school.  However, Ferrell assumes that, since Hart is black, Hart must be an ex-con.

So, Ferrell hires Hart to teach him how to survive in prison and Hart agrees.  And, to be honest, this is not a terrible idea for an edgy satire but the film pulls it punches and never really exposes or challenges the racism that led to Ferrell hiring Hart in the first place.  Instead, it’s more interested in making homophobic jokes about prison rape (there’s a particularly long and unpleasant scene where Ferrell attempts to learn how to give a blow job that feels like it was lifted from a deservedly forgotten 90s film) and eventually, it devolves into a painfully predictable action film.

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Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (dir by Andy Fickman)

I know what someone out there is saying.

“YOU’VE NEVER EVEN SEEN THE FIRST PAUL BLART: MALL COP!!!  WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO REVIEW THE SEQUEL!?”

Well, listen — it’s true.  I’ve never seen the first film and the only reason I watched the second one (on HBO at a friend’s house, which means that it literally cost me nothing) was because I had heard how terrible it was and I figured that I should see it before making out my list of the worst films of the year.  But, even with that in mind, I think I can still give this film a fair review.

(At the very least, I’ll try.  Dammit, I’ll try.)

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is one of those films that is so forgettable that you forget about it while you’re watching.  Kevin James plays Paul Blart, a mall security guard who goes to Las Vegas for a security guard convention and ends up getting involved in thwarting a big heist.  It’s a comedy, though I can’t think of a single time I laughed.  Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 was not quite the abomination that I had been led to expect.  It was, in no way, comparable to Birdemic, April Rain, or Man of Steel.  Instead, it was just an incredibly empty and soulless film.  It was a zombie movie that existed only to eat money.

One thing that is frustrating about a film like Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is that Kevin James seems like he could actually survive appearing in a good film, if he could just get a chance to make one.  He’s likable and he’s got an everyman quality about him.  But, for now, he seems to be trapped in films where he either plays Paul Blart or he’s surrounded by talking animals.

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Pixels (dir by Chris Columbus)

Speaking of Kevin James, he’s also in Pixels!  He plays William Cooper.  When he was a kid, he was obsessed with playing video games.  Now that he’s an adult, he’s the President of the United States!  And he still keeps in contact with his best friend from childhood, Sam.  Sam, needless to say, will never be President.  When Sam was a kid, he was traumatized when he lost a national video game championship.  Now that he’s an adult, he installs home-theater systems and he’s played by Adam Sandler…

When Earth is invaded, it turns out that the aliens are under the impression that video games are real!  So, they recreate a bunch of classic video game characters and send them off to do havoc.  Who better to stop them than the President and Sam?  And who better to help than a nerdy conspiracy theorist (Josh Gad) and Eddie Planet (Peter Dinklage), the same guy who cheated in order to defeat Sam at the video game championship….

If you’re thinking that sounds like way too much plot for a silly comedy about video games coming to life, you’re right.  Pixels has some cute moments (though, based on the comments and occasional laughter of the middle-aged people in the theater around me, I get the feeling that a lot of the film’s video game-themed humor was a bit too “before my time” for me to fully appreciate) but oh my God, it was such an unnecessarily busy movie.  The idea behind Pixels had some potential but the film refused to take advantage of it.

I’ve said this before and I always get some strange looks but I honestly do think that — if he would actually break out of his comfort zone and stop doing movies that mostly seem to be about finding an excuse to hang out with his friends — Adam Sandler could be an acceptable dramatic actor.  Check out his work in Punch-Drunk Love, Funny People, Reign Over Me, Spanglish, and even the first half of The Cobbler.  (Tarantino even wrote the role of Donny Donowitz in Inglourious Basterds with Sandler in mind.)  The fact that Sandler could be doing good work makes his continual bad work all the more frustrating and annoying.

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The Wedding Ringer (dir by Jeremy Garelick)

And speaking of Josh Gad…he’s also in The Wedding Ringer!  For that matter, so is Kevin Hart.  Hart plays a guy who, for a sizable fee, will pretend to the lifelong best friend (and best man) for grooms who do not have enough real friends to fill out a wedding party.  Hart refuses to get emotionally involved with his clients but that all changes when, despite himself, he becomes friends with Josh Gad, who is on the verge of getting married to Kaley Cuoco.

The Wedding Ringer got terrible reviews but it also was very popular with audiences and I imagine a lot of that had to do with the relationship between Hart and Gad.  Both of them give very sincere performances that elevate some otherwise unpromising material.  The Wedding Ringer wasn’t good (it’s predictable, it’s portrayal of Kaley Cuoco’s character verges on misogynistic) but, at the same time, it wasn’t as bad as it was made out to be.  In the end, it was pretty much a typical January film.

I'm so excited!  I'm so excited!  I'm so ... wait a minute, am I just here because this is a post about bad movies?

I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so … wait a minute, am I just here because this is a post about bad movies?

Which of these four films will make my list of the worst 16 films of 2015?  The answer shall be revealed soon!

 

 

The Last Lifetime Film of 2015: The House Sitter (dir by Jim Issa)


There’s a very simple lesson at the heart of The House Sitter, a thriller which premiered on Lifetime on December 27th of 2015.  That lesson is be careful who you let stay in your house because she might be a psycho who steals your best bra and then has sex with your boyfriend.  It’s an important lesson, one that far too many of us learn too late.

In many ways, The House Sitter is your typical Lifetime obsession film.  An unbalanced young woman moves in with a family, learns their secrets, and then tries to destroy them.  As usual, only the daughter understands what is truly happening but, up until the final 30 minutes or so of the film, she can’t get anyone to believe her.  In fact, the psycho is so cunning that she manages to make the daughter look like she might be the crazy one.

It’s been done a thousand times in the past but, familiar as the plot may have been, The House Sitter was still a lot of fun and it’s largely due to two performances.

Ashley Dulaney plays Rebecca, a perky and almost excessively friendly house sitter who — when the family she is house sitting for returns early — subtly makes sure that everyone knows that she doesn’t have anywhere to go.

“Why not stay with us?” the family suggests.

Rebecca agrees, thanks them profusely, and soon starts to insidiously break up the family.  That Rebecca is a psycho is not a surprise.  What does distinguish her from other Lifetime psychos is just how cheerful she is about it.  Forever clad in pink and always smiling as she makes passive aggressive comments, Rebecca is somehow both totally over-the-top and totally believable at the same time.  Ashley Dulaney does a great job as Rebecca, making her into a marvel of insane efficiency.

However, with all due respect to both Rebecca and Ashley Dulaney, my favorite character in the film — and the one to whom I related — was Amy Marie (Shelby Young), the daughter who is the only member of the family not to be charmed by Rebecca.  I saw a lot of myself in Amy and it wasn’t just because we both share the same totally awesome middle name.  I also related to Amy’s “I don’t have time for this crap” attitude.  From the minute Amy appears in the movie, she’s annoyed.  She’s annoyed with her naive parents, she’s annoyed with Rebecca’s nonstop peppiness, and ultimately, she’s annoyed that someone’s trying to kill her.  Towards the end of the film, whenever Rebecca attempted to attack her, I kept expecting Amy to just roll her eyes and go, “Whatever.”  As played by Shelby Young, Amy was a Lifetime heroine to which even I could relate!

The House Sitter was the final Lifetime film to premiere in 2015!  It’s hard to believe that, starting with Damaged way back in January, I have managed to sit through and review every Lifetime film released last year.  But I did and I’ll be posting my picks for the best of the year later today!

Hallmark Review: Notes from Dad (2013, dir. Eriq La Salle)


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This is a movie about a guy who plays the trumpet and gets a job teaching music appreciation at a high school. It would be just wrong of me to not share a couple of personal stories from when I took a class in The History of Jazz and Rock in college now.

My teacher was also a jazz musician. I don’t remember how it came up, but he shared one of the greatest regrets of his life with us. He lived in New York City with his girlfriend only a few blocks from CBGB in the mid to late 1970s. According to him, he was such a jazz snob that he refused to make the short walk down there to see groups like The Ramones as they were blowing up on the music scene. He said it was one of the dumbest things he ever did and regrets it to this day.

The other thing is that music appreciation classes can be amazing things. Music is so interconnected. I remember how his face lit up when he read a paper where I wrote I listened to Dick Dale, then Motörhead (RIP Lemmy) and could hear the similarities in their sound. See if you can hear it. I have embedded two songs below: The Wedge by Dick Dale and Iron Fist by Motörhead.

You also learn interesting things such as that country and rap are actually very similar types of music. In fact, some deliberately fuse the two types of music. Same goes for the blues. I can’t possibly be the only one who heard Nirvana’s cover of Leadbelly’s Ain’t It A Shame at the end of Cobain: Montage of Heck (2015) and thought it was a country song at first. Then again, Leadbelly was a blues and country artist too. The division between the two genres was created by record companies that told blues artists to only record blues and country artists to only record country. In reality, they both played country and blues. Nirvana just took out Leadbelly’s lines about not beating your wife and replaced it with Kurt’s angry sarcastic vocals to get the same point across.

You learn why it shouldn’t have been surprising to anyone why Billy Joe Armstrong could write a song like Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) and songs like Basket Case. Also, that rap and jazz are alike in that improvisation is a central element of both genres of music. I remember in 2002 when Johnny Cash seemed to surprise everyone by taking a Nine Inch Nails song (Hurt) and turning it into a sad and beautiful capstone on his long career. My local San Francisco based alt rock station even played it. They even put a sort of disclaimer saying oh yeah, we are going to play Johnny Cash. If you don’t like it, we don’t care. It’s amazing what he did with this otherwise lesser known Nine Inch Nails song so we are playing it. It’s only in the heads of the fans that artists live in a world where only the art they make exists.

Sadly, this movie isn’t really about music appreciation. That would require copy written music. It’s about a music teacher who is going to get his life back on track while also helping a young brilliant trumpet player realize his potential. And look who plays the teacher!

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It’s Eddie Cibrian who played Buddy in Healing Hands. This time he is playing a character named Clay. When he arrives in class he discovers quickly that he has some tough students to deal with and that promising student as well. And no, Coolio won’t be sitting him down in a dark room to sing about living in a Gangsta’s Paradise.

Also, since this is not one of those put a bonnet on it films like The Reckoning, he will also not be sat down by Weird “Al” Yankovic to be told about living in a Amish Paradise.

Instead, he goes outside to see himself from Healing Hands, but named Manny played by Michael Beach

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Michael Beach? That sounds familiar to me. Not from one of his other many many many acting credits. I know him from Quantum Leap of course!

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That’s from the episode called Justice where Sam leaps into a KKK member. During that scene he has to pretend he is a KKK member and prevent Michael Beach’s character from helping an older black man register to vote. Can’t think of why that episode is fresh in my memory at all. Interestingly, Eriq La Salle, who directed this movie, was in an episode of Quantum Leap during the same season of the show as Michael Beach’s episode.

Clay comes back to class the next day and decides to teach the kids the three B’s of classical music.

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He brought a record of Beethoven’s 5th Symphony, and even manipulates the record with his hand. Sounded very familiar to me. I really wondered where I had heard that before. After racking my brain I figured it out! The particular section he manipulates is from Robin Thicke’s early song When I Get You Alone.

Cause of course it is. Why?

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Yep, Alan Thicke is in the movie. He’s barely in the movie, but he is there as a music store owner. You can call it a cameo because he only has a few minutes of screen time. I refuse to believe that’s a coincidence.

Back in the classroom, the principal comes in and tells him he needs to stick to the approved curriculum. Doesn’t say what that is, but obviously connecting modern music with classical music to get the kids interested in the material is a no no.

Now we find out that he is on the outs with his ex-wife and kids because he really let his love of music get in the way of everything else. Oh, and here’s the promising trumpet player.

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I could take you blow by blow now (no trumpet pun intended), but there’s no point. As Clay gets closer to the kid who plays the trumpet he has to find ways to connect with him. The experience helps him to find ways of reconnecting with his own child. The school is in trouble and he decides to have the kids form a band to get the school some positive attention. Not really sure how that’s going to save the school, but let’s just tuck that away. He also gets close to the principal because he has to end up with someone.

It’s a nice small scale story like Chasing A Dream that is one of those few Hallmark movies that really breaks from their usual mold. And it does a pretty job of it. I liked Eddie Cibrian and the story is uplifting. It could have been better for sure. This one has a marginal recommendation from me. Just don’t expect a movie about music appreciation. It’s about two people getting their life back on track with music being an important part of that journey.

But how do I end this review? Well, I’ll go the easy way. I mentioned Motörhead and Lemmy passed away recently, so here is Motörhead performing Please Don’t Touch with their friends Girlschool as Motör Headgirl School.

Hallmark Review: Love in Paradise (2016, dir. Sean McNamara)


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I have to admit I was scared going into this. Based on the plot summary it sounded like it was going to be Strawberry Summer Retread: A Country Wedding, Part II. Strawberry Summer was the epic disaster that I can’t possibly summarize and A Country Wedding was about 90 minutes of snide, stupid, ignorant, and redneck dialogue that made both of the characters look like hicks. Also, this movie was directed by the man who keeps bringing us Baby Geniuses sequels and directed 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998). So you can imagine my trepidation going into this movie. But how bad could it be? I mean I like Luke Perry. Well, it turned to out to reasonably good. It has it’s problems, but it’s not bad at all.

First things first though. With this movie, and Jesse Stone: Lost In Paradise, Luke Perry is yet another of the Beverly Hills, 90210 crowd to make their way to Hallmark:

James Eckhouse in Second Chances
Jason Priestley in Expecting A Miracle
Jennie Garth in The Last Cowboy
Shannon Doherty in Growing The Big One
Tori Spelling in Family Plan

Those are just the ones I have reviewed. However, I’m pretty sure we haven’t seen Gabrielle Carteris, Joe E. Tata, Carol Potter, or Brian Austin Green yet. Ian Ziering is busy fighting sharks. And yes, I am aware that Tiffani Thiessen was in Northpole, but I haven’t seen it so it doesn’t count. Same goes for those other Luke Perry Hallmark movies as well.

But back to this movie. It opens up with Luke in front of a green screen, then we get the title card, before it cuts back to this.

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I know his character’s name is Avery Ford, but I don’t care. He is Dylan McKay to me now and always. So Dylan here is an aging star of westerns called Aim To Please. And look! They were made by the same people who worked on this film.

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Notice that includes Luke Perry himself as a producer. Dylan isn’t a happy man. He doesn’t like hocking beans. Now we meet Heather (Emmanuelle Vaugier) and her father Casey (Tom Butler).

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Turns out Casey is a fan of Dylan’s work as a western star. Also, it turns out the hotel/ranch is in Montana. And by Montana, they mean Agassiz, British Columbia, Canada. Well, at least for these shots.

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I have to assume the main set is also in the area, but I couldn’t pin it down. They also do a reasonably good job with the license plates too. I think all the major cars in the movie have Montana plates on them.

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So, how is Dylan going to end up in the country you ask? Nearly the same way as in Strawberry Summer. The hotel is in trouble and she figures since her father is a bit of a celebrity cowboy it might be mutually beneficial for her and Dylan if he pays a PR visit. But unlike Strawberry Summer, the first words out of Dylan’s mouth are that she could be a crazy person like Kathy Bates in Misery.

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I don’t care that he goes anyways. I am just grateful this movie acknowledged that fact. Strawberry Summer just glosses over that she is an obsessed fan who uses her personal connections to lure a celebrity to her small town because she believes she can fix him. Thank you Luke Perry, Tippi Dobrofsky, and Neal Dobrofsky for writing that into this film.

After landing, Dylan buys some boots because you know, he’s just an actor, not a real cowboy. That’s where a problem with this film is. Also, it’s a little wishy washy about it. She kind of acts like the girl in A Country Wedding even commenting on his obviously new and not really his boots. In her case though, it’s not that she’s being a jackass and more that for some reason she doesn’t know what acting is. If Anthony Hopkins had shown up in town, then would she have been expecting him to be a cannibal? The wishy washy part is that basically nobody else thinks that way. Certainly not the father who makes it very clear he knew he wasn’t a real cowboy. He’s an actor who plays one in movies. Movies that happen to make him happy when he watches them.

Well, they go through the standard city slicker in the country bit. Yes, that includes this nonsense.

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But what’s nice is that this tapers off within the first 30 minutes or so of the movie. The rest of the time is Dylan, Heather, and Casey just getting to know each other and themselves better. Dylan already knew he wasn’t super happy with where he was in his life, but it won’t mean that he just up and stops acting. That’s one of the really nice things about this movie. He finishes the film with a much more moderate and realistic response to his time with Heather and Casey. Heather gets to know Dylan and generally begins to appreciate what her father sees in him. Up till then she didn’t watch his movies. They don’t take that as far as I would have liked, but it’s quite implied that she understands his acting has brought her dad happiness. As for the dad, it’s a win win situation for him. He gets to hang out with his favorite actor and his daughter is happy as she grows closer to Dylan. At least as close as most Hallmark romances do before just having them end up together.

There is a little subplot with a guy who wants to do something by buying her place, but I really don’t know why they even bothered with it. It barely comes into play.

However, there are two things to notice in this movie.

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In that scene the guy who wants to buy up the place shows up to harass Heather. Luke Perry goes right into classic Dylan McKay for that moment. You know, those scenes when he would walk right over and tell someone to back off if they were bothering one of his friends. It’s suddenly Beverly Hills, 90210 for that moment and she might as well be Kelly.

The other thing.

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That is Matt Frewer as the local doctor, and that scene is a major missed opportunity. Do you see it? Let me change the line: Name is Marion, but people call me Max. Boom! A John Wayne reference, which was done that way in One Starry Christmas, plus a reference to Matt Frewer as Max Headroom. Too bad.

Ultimately what do you have with Love in Paradise? You have Strawberry Summer and A Country Wedding put into a blender and mixed by screenwriters who knew what they were doing. It works. There are cliches they could have left out, and moments they could have shot for something more meaningful, but it’s Hallmark. I will gladly praise the ones that really rise above, but I’m not going to come down on this one hard for it’s flaws. I recommend it.

Lisa Plays Catch-Up: A Pigeon Sat On A Branch Reflecting On Existence (dir by Roy Andersson)


With 2015 now over, it’s time for me to both make out my end-of-the-year lists and take a look at the films that I saw last year that I have yet to get around to reviewing.  In other words, it’s time to play catch up!

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A Pigeon Sat On A Branch Reflecting On Existence is a Swedish film but, just from the title, you probably guessed that this was a European film.  After all, an American film would never have a title quite that long or passive.  We prefer our titles to be short and punchy and to the point: Taken, Spotlight, Die Hard, Concussion.  A Pigeon Sat On A Branch Reflection On Existence is a title that is full of ennui and existential considerations.

At first glance — and I write this from an American point of view — A Pigeon Sat On A Branch Reflection On Existence seems like almost a parody of an experimental European art film.  The performances are low-key and unemotional.  The humor is often dark, cynical, and deliberately obscure.  The film is full of long takes and medium shots, with the camera never moving.  This is a film that demands more than a little patience from the viewer.  I ended up loving it but I have a feeling that a lot of people will give up on the film after the first 15 minutes or so.

Believe it or not, this is not a film about a pigeon.  Instead, it’s a collection of small and increasingly absurd scenes, some of which are connected and some of which are not.  Some characters appear in more than one scene and some do not.  The two most prominent characters are two dour-faced salesman of novelty items.  “We want to help people have fun,” they repeatedly say in the flattest possible tone.  They sell vampire teeth and a mask that they call Uncle One Tooth.  (Whenever they pull out the Uncle One Tooth mask, it leads to someone screaming in horror.)  They also sell bags of laughter, little bags that laugh when you open them and then keep laughing until they suddenly stop.  One of the salesman is feeling depressed and no longer wants to keep selling novelties.  The other salesman has to continually beg him to leave his apartment.

At one point, the two salesman enter a small diner and you can’t help but notice that, looking out the front windows, the diner appears to be sitting in the middle of an apocalyptic wasteland.  Eventually, a group of 18th century soldiers march by and decide to enter the diner.  They are followed by their leader, a preening martinet on a horse who orders that all women leave the diner.  Later, we return to the diner and so do the soldiers.  They’ve obviously lost whatever battle they were fighting but they still stand at attention when the horse reenters the diner, mounted by their dying (or possibly dead) leader.

And it’s all very odd but yet also very fascinating.  The film is so deadpan and so unashamedly absurd in its humor that it’s impossible not to enjoy.  Or at least, that’s the case up until the final 10 minutes or so, at which point the audience is confronted by a crowd of obviously wealthy people casually watching a group of slaves being horrifically burned alive.

What does all this mean?  I think a better question would be, “Does this mean anything at all?”  That said, A Pigeon Sat On A Branch Reflecting On Existence is a fascinating film for audiences that are willing to take a chance on something different.

It’s also currently available on Netflix!

I watched it so you don’t have to: “My Boyfriend’s Back” (1993)


 

I watched it so you don’t have to: “My Boyfriend’s Back” (1993)

My boyfriend is back

 

“He died for me, He came back from the dead for me, He ate somebody for me.”

I’ll get back to that, but let’s get the technicalities out of the way first!

Stars:

Andrew Lowery as Johnny Dingle (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Nothing, Clerks)

Traci Lind as Missy McCloud (Voyager, Fame, 21 Jump Street)

Minor roles by:

Philip Seymour Hoffman, Cloris Leachman, Matthew McConaughey, Renée Zellweger (You might have heard of them.)

Directed by:

Bob Balaban (Nurse Jackie, The Twilight Zone, plus much more)

Written by:

Dean Lorey (Arrested Development, ‘Til Death)

Plot:

To impress his wanna be girlfriend (Lind), Johnny (Lowery) decides to stage a convenience store robbery. In that staging he is killed and comes back as a zombie. Just before dying, Johnny asked Missy to the prom and she accepts.

As Johnny comes back as a zombie, he tries to integrate back into society. Facing anti-zombie discrimination. Missy finally agrees to got to prom with him in his zombie state. Going to the prom, Johnny finally disitergrates into his un-dead form.

While he made it to Heaven, he was let known that his original death was a mistake and he is given another chance. Put back in the point of the robbery, and knowing he was never meant to die, Johnny dives infront of the bullet. The bullet, caught by a locket he made of Missy and himself in the first grade, he is saved. Missy and Johnny go to the prom and (presumably) live happily ever after.

Review:

Honestly, going in, I really wanted to hate this movie. It has all the cheesy plot lines. Boy loves girl, boy dies for girl, boy comes back for girl, she ends up loving him. But if I am going to be honest, this movie was really cute. And to get back to my original quote, yeah, that worked!

Since “My Boyfriend’s Back” is not in public domain, I can’t give you a link to the entire movie, but here is a trailer if you like! 🙂

Hallmark Review: On the Twelfth Day of Christmas (2015, dir. Harvey Crossland)


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Well, I was gonna review a Late Night Cable movie next, but unfortunately I watched Serena The Sexplorer (2013). It was horrible! Same writer and director as the also terrible Monster Of The Nudist Colony. *Shudders*

So instead I watched the next Hallmark movie on my DVR. The movie opens and we meet our two leads in college. This is Mitch (Robin Dunne).

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This is Maggie (Brooke Nevin).

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This lady reminds me of a online friend I met about 6 years ago who also used to work as a small town reporter like this character will. By the way, she runs a great movie blog over at Comet Over Hollywood. One of the most wonderful people I know online and a far better writer than I will ever be. But back to the movie.

She needs to get home for Christmas and he agrees to give her a ride home so she doesn’t miss it despite the storm. They get stuck in a traffic jam along the way so they can spend some time together to setup the plot for later in the movie. One little problem here. They are clearly just sitting in a car that isn’t moving which isn’t uncommon in movies, but when they say they are going to get off the highway it immediately cuts to them getting out of a stationary car. The movie really could have benefitted by a shot of the car going onto an offramp before that shot. Well, they make snow angels, build a snowman, and ride a toboggan. Finally, he gets her home and before you can say When Harry Met Sally (1989), it cuts to 10 years later.

We are now in a small town called Harrison. And by Harrison they mean Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.

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Also, they go a little northeast to Toronto.

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By the way, it’s nice to know that Murder, She Baked: A Plum Pudding Mystery also took place in Harrison.

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On the Twelfth Day of Christmas (2015)

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas (2015)

Maggie is now a small town newspaper reporter and subscriptions are down so the head of the paper informs them the paper will be joining the Wrightsbridge family of publications. Those damn kids and their Internet that no newspaper makes heavy use of and never makes all their reporters have social media accounts. They now need to be at their best. Maggie turns on the radio…

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and either she is thinking her life might turn into Ron Howard’s The Paper (1994) and she too will have to ask why the bullet came out of the wall or she recognizes the name Mitch O’Grady.

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Mitch has moved to the small town of Harrison from L.A. to be a disc jockey. He is a bit of a Scrooge when it comes to Christmas. He doesn’t want to play any Christmas music because he thinks it’s overplayed on the radio during the season. Tell me about it! And much to my surprise the film will treat him respectfully. We will kindly be taken through a series of events that culminate with us finding out why Christmas is a painful time for him now. Oh, and notice the sweet three monitor setup he has there complete with the monitor on the far right that I believe is using Audacity. Not sure what the other monitors are showing, but it doesn’t matter cause all you need to remember is there are three of them and the monitor on the right has nothing underneath it.

Oh, and kudos to the production crew for a well faked website.

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Now Maggie is having lunch when of course Mitch comes in and joins her to catch up. Unfortunately, the local flirt shows up to hit on Mitch. You can tell how important she is because I am not even going to include a screenshot of her. Maggie goes home and gets a brilliant idea. The title of the movie mentions the 12 days of Christmas so she’s going to send 12 gifts to Mitch as a Secret Santa. They are inspired by the things they did together on their way to her home 10 years prior.

Back at work a guy from the parent company shows up and I thought he was going to be like the “evil” reporter from The Note, but nope. He’s barely in the movie and very reasonable. He’s just there to drop the line that people like personal interest stories so that she will let the Secret Santa thing go further than she probably should.

Meanwhile, back at Mitch’s office. Somebody has moved his far left monitor to the far right and put a book under it.

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The first gift comes and it’s the eyes he and Maggie used 10 years prior to make a snowman. And this is Rita (Geri Hall).

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She will be your Beth from NewsRadio for the movie, but more useful and less annoying. Oh, and his monitor’s are back the way he likes them.

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Now Mitch decides to talk about the Secret Santa thing on the radio, turns out KCNQ is a “bronze-level” advertiser with the paper, and the presents are now on the radio’s website. There’s your setup. She keeps sending him stuff, there are red herrings about who could be the Secret Santa, and they spend time together because she needs to cover the story for the paper. One more thing, I forgot that each present comes with instructions of what he is to do with the present. For example, make a snowman to use the eyes on. Of course Maggie is more than willing to help out.

He eventually figures it out and does the third act misunderstanding bit before things turnaround for the best. While Maggie pouts, we get a cameo we all knew was coming.

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That’s right! A cameo appearance by the can of Folgers coffee from The Nine Of Christmas.

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The Nine Lives Of Christmas (2014)

Okay, nobody expected it, but there it is.

Seeing as I did like this one, I won’t spoil why he is a bit of Christmas grumpus. It’s a standard Hallmark cliche, but I won’t say. This was reasonably well acted, it didn’t have its characters act in weird unexplainable ways, none of that Christmas Land crap, and it knew it was a small scale story and made it fit that format.

However, there is one thing I want to know. I mean aside from why he suddenly only has two monitors near the end of the movie with the book back under the far right one. I thought people who break into places to rearrange furniture only existed in the movie A Chorus Line (1985). Must be the same person who did it in 12 Gifts Of Christmas.

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What I want to know is where was actor Don Allison in this movie? He is credited as playing Mitch’s father, but I didn’t see him. Don Allison is the actor from Christmas Magic that in his few minutes of screen time gave a real heartfelt performance with barely two words. If anyone knows, then please tell me because I didn’t see him.

This isn’t an amazing Hallmark movie, but it’s a nice little story that one could certainly sit through the next time it comes around on Hallmark. I do recommend it.

Playing Catch Up: Welcome to New York (dir by Abel Ferrara)


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Gerard Depardieu is naked a lot in Welcome to New York and I know you’re probably being snarky and sarcastically thinking, “Well, then I’m definitely going to track down this film…” but actually, the frequent display of Depardieu’s body gets to the heart of what makes his performance so memorable.  Playing an extremely unsympathetic role, Depardieu doesn’t hide the character’s depravity from the audience.  He reveals every inch of the character, from his flabby body to his empty soul.  It takes courage to bring such an unsympathetic character to life and talent to keep the audience watching and fortunately, Depardieu has both of those.

Welcome to New York opens with Depardieu (as himself) talking to a group of reporters and explaining why he’s decided to play a character based on Dominique Strauss-Kahn in Abel Ferrara’s upcoming movie.  It’s an interesting way to start, both because it features Depardieu’s scornful opinion of politicians and because it leaves no doubt that, even if Depardieu’s character has been renamed Devereaux, Welcome to New York is directly based on the Dominique Strauss-Kahn case.

(Dominique Strauss-Kahn, of course, was the wealthy French socialist who many thought was going to be the next President of France until he was arrested after raping a hotel maid in New York City.  As a wealthy and well-connected white man, he was acquitted of raping the maid, who neither wealthy, well-connected, or white.   Throughout the trial, the usual collection of elitists complained about how Americans just didn’t understand French culture but, ultimately, Strauss-Kahn’s political career was ended by the scandal.)

Welcome to New York closely follows the facts of the Strauss-Kahn case.  Wealthy banker and politician Devereaux is in New York on business.  When he meets his daughter and her boyfriend, he spends the entire lunch asking them about their sex life.  When he returns to his hotel, he and his business associates hire a group of prostitutes and have one of the most depressing orgies ever captured on film.

I have to admit that during these first part of the film, I was often tempted to turn off Welcome To New York.  No, it wasn’t that the film was too explicit.  Instead, my problem was that Devereaux was such a dull character.  Devereaux has a lot of sex during the first third of the film but, at no point, does he seem to enjoy it.  Instead, he is detached from everything happening around him and it doesn’t exactly make for compelling viewing.

But, as the film played out, I realized that we weren’t supposed to find Devereaux in any way compelling.  Instead, Devereaux is portrayed as a hollow and empty shell.  For him, sex is all about entitlement and power.  After his is arrested for raping the hotel maid, Devereaux appears to be more surprised than anything else.  Rather than feeling regret at being caught or even fear that he might be convicted, Devereaux seems to be shocked that a man of his wealth would be held responsible for his actions.

After Devereaux is arrested, the film’s pace picks up a bit.  Devereaux’s wife, Simone (Jacqueline Bisset), flies to New York and takes over her husband’s defense.  It’s not that Simone feels that Devereaux has been wrongly accused.  In fact, Simone really doesn’t seem to care much for her husband in general.  However, Simone is determined that Devereaux is going to be the next president of France and she certainly has no intention of allowing some American criminal case to stand in his way.  Bisset gives a chilling performance as the almost fanatically driven Simone.

Soon, Devereaux is under house arrest and staying at a rented house.  (For these scenes, Welcome to New York filmed in the same house that Strauss-Kahn stayed at during his trial.)  It’s while locked away in the house that Devereaux finally starts to realize that he has gone too far.  It’s in the house that Devereaux remembers the man he was once was and is forced to confront the man that he has become.

Welcome to New York is not always an easy film to watch but, thanks to Depardieu and Bisset’s ferocious performances, it’s a film that will reward patient viewers.

Film Review: Joy (dir by David O. Russell)


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Hi there and welcome to 2016!

Today was the first day of a new year so, of course, I had to go down to the Alamo Drafthouse and see a movie.  What was the title of the first movie that I saw in a theater in 2016?

Joy.

Despite the fact that Joy has gotten some seriously mixed reviews, I had high hopes when I sat down in the Alamo.  After all, Joy represents the third collaboration between director David O. Russell and one of my favorite actresses, Jennifer Lawrence.  (Their previous collaborations — Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle — happen to be two of my favorite films of the past 5 years.)  Add to that, Joy has been advertised as being a tribute to a real-life, strong-willed woman and I figured that, at the very least, it would provide a nice alternative to the testosterone-crazed movies that I’ve recently sat through.  And finally, Joy had a great trailer!

Sure, there were a few less than positive signs about Joy.  As I mentioned before, the majority of the reviews had been mixed and the word of mouth was even worse.  (My friend, the sportswriter Jason Tarwater, used one word to describe the film to me: “Meh.”)  But what truly worried me was that Sasha Stone of AwardsDaily absolutely raved about the film on her site and that’s usually a bad sign.  Let’s not forget that this is the same Sasha Stone who claimed that Maps To The Stars was one of the best films ever made about Hollywood.

And, to be honest, I had much the same reaction to Joy that I had to Map To The Stars.  I really wanted to love Joy and, occasionally, there would be a clever bit of dialogue or an unexpected directorial choice and I would briefly perk up in my seat and think to myself, “Okay, this is the film that I wanted to see!”  But, for the most part, Joy is a disappointment.  It’s not so much that it’s bad as it’s just not particularly great.  For the most part, it’s just meh.

But let’s talk about what worked.  Overall, this may be one of Jennifer Lawrence’s lesser films but she gives a great performance, one that reminds us that she truly is one of the best actresses working today.  I’ve read some complaints that Lawrence was too young for the title role and, to be absolutely honest, she probably is.  She looks like she could easily go undercover at a high school and help Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum bust drug dealers.  But, at the same time, she projects the inner weariness of a survivor.  For lack of a better term, she has an old soul and it comes across in her films.

In Joy, she plays Joy Mangano, a divorced mother of two who lives in upstate New York.  Her mother (Virginia Madsen) lives with Joy and spends all of her time watching soap operas.  Joy ex-husband, a lounge singer named Tony (Edgar Ramirez), lives in the basement.  Meanwhile, her grandmother (Diane Ladd, who narrates the film) is always hovering in the background, offering Joy encouragement and optimism.  At the start of the film, Joy’s cantankerous father (Robert De Niro) has also moved into the house.  Joy, who was the valedictorian of her high school, has got a demeaning job working as a flight booker at the airport.

(“What’s your name?” one rude customer asks, “Joy?  You don’t seem very joyful to me…”)

How stressful is Joy’s life?  It’s so stressful that she has a reoccurring nightmare in which she’s trapped in her mother’s favorite soap opera and Susan Lucci (cleverly playing herself) tells her that she should just give up.

However, as difficult as life may get, Joy refuses to take Susan Lucci’s advise.  She invents a miraculous mop known as the miracle mop and eventually becomes a highly successful businesswoman.  Along the way, she makes her television debut on QVC and becomes a minor celebrity herself…

The film’s best scenes are the ones that deal with Joy and QVC.  These scenes, in which the inexperienced Joy proves herself to be a natural saleswoman, are the best in the film.  These scenes are filled with the spark that I was hoping would be present throughout the entire film.  Of course, it helps that these scenes also feature Bradley Cooper as a sympathetic television executive.  This is the third time that Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence have acted opposite each other and there’s an immediate chemistry between them.  In this case, it’s not a romantic chemistry (and one of the things that I did appreciate about Joy was that it didn’t try to force a predictable romance on the title character).  Instead, it’s the type of mutual respect that you rarely see between male and female characters in the movies.  It’s a lot of fun to watch, precisely because it is so real and unexpected.

But sadly, the QVC scenes only make up a relatively small part of Joy.  The rest of the film is something of a mess, with David O. Russell never settling on a consistent tone.  At times, Joy feels like a disorganized collection of themes from his previous films.  Just as in The Fighter and Silver Linings Playbook, we get the quirky and dysfunctional family.  Just as in American Hustle, we get the period detail, the Scorsese-lite soundtrack, and the moments of cynical humor.  There’s a lot going on in Joy and, at time, it doesn’t seem that Russell really knows what to do with all the theme and characters that he’s mixed into the movie.  I found myself wondering if he truly understood the story that he was trying to tell.

Finally, at the end of the film, Joy visits a business rival in Dallas, Texas.  Let’s just say that the film’s version of Dallas looks nothing like the city that I know.  (The minute that the scene cut from her ex-husband discovering that Joy had left to a close-up of a Bar-B-Q sign, I let out an exasperated, “Oh, come on!”)  I suppose I should be happy that Russell didn’t have huge mountains in the background of the Dallas scenes but seriously, would it have killed anyone to do a little research or maybe hop on a plane and spend a day or two filming on location?

(After all, if Richard Linklater or Wes Anderson decided to set a movie in David O. Russell’s home state of Massachusetts, I doubt that they would film the Boston scenes in El Paso….)

Joy features great work from Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper and it tells a story that has the potential to be very empowering.  But, when it comes to the overall film … meh.

Sorry Jen