Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 2.5 “The Museum” and 2.6 “Gabe Under Pressure”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Sweathogs meet John Astin and Gabe goes to the doctor!

Episode 2.5 “The Museum”

(Dir by Bill Davis, originally aired on October 28th, 1976)

Mr. Woodman steps out of his office, just to find Gabe waiting for him.

“Mr. Woodman,” Gabe says, “did I ever tell you about the black sheep of my family?”

“I thought that was you,” Woodman replies.

Wow!  Woodman has clearly already won this exchange but Gabe still proceeds to tell Mr. Woodman about his Uncle Lefty Kotter, who was a gambler.  Mr. Woodman dramatically sighs and walks out of the office.  See, Gabe, not everyone’s as patient as Julie.

After the opening credits, we find Gabe and Julie preparing the Sweathogs for a field trip to the Museum of Natural History.  Barbarino is super excited because he’s never been to a real museum before.  He explains that he did go to a wax museum once.  “I saw Raquel Welch,” Barbarino explains, “Did you know that wax come right off in your hands?”

When Mr. Woodman comes out of his office to complain about the Sweathogs being taken off campus, Epstein explains that they’ve decide to take Woodman to the museum with them.  Freddie announces that Woodman is going to be his field trip buddy.  Personally, I think it would be fun to go on a field trip with Mr. Woodman because Mr. Woodman is clearly insane.

When the Sweathogs reach the museum, it actually looks a lot like one of those “horror dungeon museums” that always seem to pop up around Halloween.

Arnold is frightened of the museum and tosses a bunch of salt over his shoulder and into Epstein’s eyes.  (Yes, Arnold is carrying a salt shaker with him.)  Gabe asks the museum curator, Mr. Gore (John Astin), to assure Arnold that there is no reason to be scared.  Mr. Gore explains that his name is pronounced “Gor-ay,” and then says that there are powers in the world about which one should not joke.  “There are forces here,” Gore explains, “that do not appreciate one-liners!”  Uh-oh, Gabe’s in trouble!

Barbarino and Freddie are also in trouble because they’ve entered an exclusive room that is home to an Egyptian mummy!

“This room is for VIPs only!” Mr. Gore declares.

“I am a VIP,” Barbarino protests.  “I’m a Very Italian Person.”

Mr. Gore agrees to show the Sweathogs the Egyptian room on the condition that they touch nothing.  “Or else you’ll risk the wrath of the pharohs!”  Julie proceeds to say that the mummy doesn’t look a day over 2500 years old.  Gabe jokes about the Mummy being named Pew.  Mr. Gore, having grown annoyed, dares Gabe to open a cursed sarcophogus and risk the Mummy coming back to life.  Gabe opens it, just to have Horshack step out of it.

“Hello,” Horshack says, “how are ya?”

Gore faints.  Woodman announces that it’s time for the Sweathogs to return to the school.  One problem, the door to the Egyptian room has slammed shut and cannot be opened.  “Its the Curse of Pew!” a delirious Gore says.

Gabe explains that they’ll probably be trapped in the room until the next morning and then proceeds to give a mock eulogy for Pew The Mummy.

“We’re doomed!” Woodman shouts, “All doomed!”

Mr. Gore finally wakes up and says that he’s sure the curator will come to their rescue.

“Mr. Gor-ay,” Gabe says, “You’re the curator”

“How unfortunate,” Gore replies.

With everyone trapped in the Egyptian Room together, Horshack worries that he’ll never get a chance to meet Marie Osmond.  When Gabe notices that there’s an air duct that someone could crawl through to get help, Horshack volunteers.  Unfortunately, it turns out that the air duct just circles around the room so Horshack returns and continues to think about becoming an Osmond.

“I may be dying,” Woodman yells, “But I’m taking you Sweathogs with me!  The mummy is going to get us if we don’t get out!”

Mr. Gore suggests that the Mummy might be satisfied with a human sacrifice.  Woodman calls for Horshack to come over.

Fortunately, Epstein says that he’s seen enough home repair shows to know how to find “the stress part” of the door and open it.  He taps on the door and …. it opens!  The audience goes wild, even if it does seem like kind of an anticlimactic way to end the episode.  But at least Epstein got to be the hero for once.

This episode was cartoonish, even by the standards of Welcome Back Kotter, but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that this episode aired three days before Halloween.  This was a holiday episode and I imagine it was a lot of fun when viewed on a dark and stormy night in 1976.

Episode 2.6 “Gabe Under Pressure”

(Dir by Jay Sandrich, originally aired on November 4th, 1976)

Julie brings Gabe his lunch.

“Did I ever tell you about my uncle who thought he was a horse?” Gabe asks.  He proceeds to tell her about him.  Julie smiles tolerantly.

As for the main storyline, the free clinic (where Julie volunteers) is offering free physicals at Buchanan High.  Gabe expects the Sweathogs to take advantage of the offer but he himself refuses to go to the doctor to find out why he has a pain in his chest.  It turns out that Gabe is scared of doctors!  The Sweathogs are concerned enough to show up at Gabe’s apartment.  Barbarino tries to take Gabe’s pulse.  When Gabe asks if Barbarino knows what he’s doing, Barbarino replies, “I know it like the back of my hand.”  Barbarino then gets distracted by the back of his hand.

Touched by the concern of his students, Gabe conquers his fear and sees the doctor.  Gabe discovers he is okay and everyone watching learns a lesson about getting a regular check-up.  It’s a pretty simple episode, one that is probably most interesting for having aired two days after the 1976 presidential election.  Kotter went to the doctor and Carter went to the White House but Mr. Woodman stayed right where he was.

Later, with the physical having been completed, Gabe tells Mr. Woodman, “You have to hear about my Uncle Kermit Kotter!”

“No, I don’t, Kotter!” Woodman replies.

Gabe says that his Uncle Kermit always used to walk by a bakery and he would see a woman hitting her son with a loaf of bread.  One day, Uncle Kermit walked by and the woman was hitting her son with a chocolate cake.  Gabe says that his Uncle Kermit asked why the woman was hitting her son with a chocolate cake and….

“And the woman says because it’s his birthday,” Woodman replies, “I already heard it, Kotter.”

Seriously, John Sylvester White was a national treasure.

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Bird With The Crystal Plumage with #ScarySocial


 

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting 1970’s Bird With The Crystal Plumage!  I can’t wait to watch Dario Argento’s directorial debut with everyone!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  The film is available on Prime and Tubi.  I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 1.9 “On Ice” and 1.10 “The Latest Development”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, T.S. insults the national sport of Canada and Amy battles city hall.

Episode 1.9 “On Ice”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on March 7th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Decker is forced to face the truth about a long-time friend.”

Though T and T took place in a generic city, the show itself was filmed in Canada, with a largely Canadian cast and crew.  Hence, it only makes sense that the show would eventually do an episode that centered around hockey.  This episode opens with Mr. T’s friend, Decker (David Nerman), coaching a junior hockey game.  While the players skate on the ice and chase the puck, Decker deals with fans like the loud Mrs. Mowby (Jayne Eastwood), who is apparently convinced that she knows better how to coach the team than the actual coach!  Unfortunately, Decker is yanked out of the game by two detectives who announce that he is under arrest for “theft of over $2,000.”

After T.S. Turner and Amy bails Decker out of jail, Amy explains that it appears that over $25,000 has been embezzled from the Junior Hockey Association.  Decker admits to being the association’s treasurer but he also admits to not being good at numbers.  He explains that his old friend, Goldie Stanski (played by Sean McCann), usually goes over the books for him.

“Goldie?”  T.S. growls, “You trusted a guy named Goldie!?”

Decker explains that Goldie has been his friend for years.  Goldie was his former coach!  And, indeed, when Mrs. Mowby demands that Decker be kicked out of the Junior Hockey League, Goldie argues that Decker has not been convicted of anything, not that it does Decker much good.  However, Detective Jones (Ken James) informs T.S. that “word on the street” is that Goldie has a gambling addiction.

Decker takes T.S. to his next practice and introduces T.S. to the team.  They ask T.S. if he’s going to join them on the ice.

“No thanks, brothers,” T.S. replies, “I don’t play no sport when you can get frostbitten indoors.  Besides, I think hockey’s an old ladies’ game …. Look at the ton of equipment you guys wear!”

After practice, Decker is arrested for a second time after the detectives, having gotten an anonymous tip, search his locker and just happen to find a bus ticket that leads to a bag full of money.  Fortunately, Amy is able to bail him out of jail again, much to the relief of her spacey administrative assistant, Sophie (Catherine Disher), who has a crush on Decker.

T.S. has decided that Goldie is setting up Decker.  Now, he just has to get Goldie to give himself away.

“I think with a little persuasion,” T.S. tells Amy, “he might do something foolish …. Friendly persuasion, of course!”

T.S.’s style of persuasion is to show up in Goldie’s apartment and tell him that everyone knows what Goldie’s done while drinking a glass of milk.  “Thanks for the milk,” T.S. growls before leaving.  When Goldie responds by going to the gym and pocketing more money from the hockey’s charity fund, Amy, T.S., and Decker are there to chase him out on the ice and catch him.  If you’ve ever wanted to see Mr. T drive a Zamboni, this is the episode for you.

Decker’s name is cleared and he’s re-instated as coach.  Yay!

This was a totally predictable episode but I kind of liked it.  Mr. T on a Zamboni was just a ludicrous enough image to make the entire show work.

Episode 1.10 “The Latest Development”

(Dir by George Mihalka, aired on March 14th, 1988)

“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “Amy and I fight City Hall …. and City Hall fights back!”

When a dumb, 13 year-old kid named Nick (Toby Proctor) breaks into a construction site and takes a bulldozer for a joyride, he accidentally destroys a truck.  The owner of the site, Enzo Malec (George Touliatos), is determined to throw the book at Nick because he’s an evil developer and he wants both Nick and his grandmother, Cora (Helen Hughes), out of their home.

It turns out that one of Amy’s former classmates, Brian Brack (Richard Comar), works in the city’s legal department so she heads down to City Hall in an attempt to guilt him into allowing Cora to stay in her home.  For once, we actually get to see Amy doing legal work, which basically amounts to wandering around with a file folder and rolling her eyes while having conversations with other people.

Meanwhile, T.S. takes Nick down to the construction site and convinces Malec to let Nick work off his debt as a construction worker.  T.S. arranges for Cora to move in with gospel-singing Aunt Martha (Jackie Richardson) while Nick moves in with Decker.

Suddenly, building inspectors show up at Amy’s office and start searching for violations.  “Brian Brack is responsible for this, isn’t he!?” Amy says, while the inspectors write her up for not having a window that opens quickly enough.  That’s a $2,000 fine!  Upon discovering that they are now going to war with city hall, T.S. tells Amy, “This could be a title bout!”

Amy confronts Brian at a fancy restaurant and tells him that she has discovered that he has invested in Enzo Malec’s development.  She demands to know who he and Malec paid off at city hall.  Brian tells Amy that she doesn’t know who she is missing with.  Amy responds by tossing a drink on him.  In a case of amazing timing, Alderman Kent (Mark Walker) shows up and asks if Amy is going to be joining him and Brian for lunch.  Hmmm …. I wonder who the corrupt politician could be.

Meanwhile, T.S. and Decker help Nick deal with his anger by training him to box.

“I know how to fight!” Nick says.

“To win, you need a strategy,” T.S. replies.

T.S. proceeds to knock down a 13 year-old.

While T.S. is teaching Nick how to fight, the city is threatening to shut down Aunt Jackie’s foster home!  When T.S. finds out, he puts on his dark jacket and starts to head off to City Hall so he can presumably beat up the mayor.  Instead, Amy convinces him to hold off by revealing that Brian and Alderman Kent have been taking bribes from Enzo Malec.  When T.S. heads down to the construction site, Malec panics and, later that night, he tries to burn a bunch of incriminating files.  However, it turns out that he’s being filmed by Amy and the local news.

And that apparently fixes the whole thing!

This episode felt rushed as it basically only had 30 minutes to deal with an hour’s worth of complications.  It only took one boxing lesson for Nick to let go of his anger and it only took one confrontation with T.S for Enzo Malec to make one sloppy mistake.  That said, I appreciate any episode that portrays municipal government as being thoroughly corrupt and irredeemable.  Fight the system!

Next week: Amy’s car gets stolen!

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for American Ninja 4!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1991’s American Ninja 4!  When Michael Dudikoff teams up with David Bradley, it’s twice the ninja action!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

American Ninja 4 is available on Prime and Tubi!  See you there!

Retro Television Reviews: South Central 1.3 “RTD” and 1.4 “CO-op”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing South Central, which aired, for 10 episodes, on Fox in 1994.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Andre is nearly killed while riding the bus and Joan is embarrassed by her new employer.

Episode 1.3 “RTD”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on April 19th, 1994)

It’s Andre’s day to watch Deion but when Joan sees Andre’s report card and discovers that Andre failed one class and came close to failing several others, she orders him to go all the way to Inglewood to see his “mentor,” Ray (played by Ken Page).  Because Joan has to go to work and there’s no one around who can drive Andre all the way across town, she gives Andre permission to ride the bus.  However, she also orders him to sit in front, where it’s safe.  Joan then tells Tasha that she’s going to have to give up her day to look after Deion.  Tasha gets angry, wondering why she’s the one having to give up her freedom when she’s also the one who actually gets good grades and “doesn’t need a mentor to keep (her) from messing up (her) life.”

I have two thoughts about this.

First off, Tasha is absolutely right to be upset.  Why did Joan adopt Deion when she was already financially struggling and she had two children to raise?  The show suggests that Joan adopted Deion because she needed a replacement for Marcus but still, it does seem like the responsibility for looking after Deion falls on Tasha much more often than it does on Andre.  When Tasha says that she feels that she’s punished for being responsible, she has a point.  Obviously, someone has to look after Deion but Joan could, at the very least, acknowledge that the whole situation isn’t easy for Tasha.

Secondly, I have to admit that I’ve always taken the idea of riding the bus for granted.  Of course, it’s not something that I do on a regular basis but, whenever I have been on a bus, I’ve felt safe and the only thing that really worried me was dealing with motion sickness.  One of the things that South Central did so well was it showed how the experiences that I, as someone living in the suburbs, take for granted (like being able to safely ride a bus) are far different for people living in neighborhoods that are dealing with poverty and crime.

Andre and his friend Rashad, for instance, defy Joan and sit in the back of the bus, where they are eventually confronted by two gang members who steal Rashad’s radio.  When Andre tries to stand up to them, one of them pulls a gun on him.  Rashad escapes by jumping out the bus’s back window and probably the only thing that saves Andre’s life is that the gunman’s friend recognizes him as being Marcus’s brother.  In the second episode, a friend of Marcus’s gave Andre money.  In this episode, another one of Marcus’s friends saves Andre’s life.  Marcus may be dead but his name still carries some power and it’s hard not to compare the respect that Marcus commands with Joan having to take a job bagging groceries just to keep her home.

Andre finally does reach Ray’s home and is immediately impressed with Ray’s big house, his big TV, and his stereo equipment.  (He is less impressed with what’s playing on Ray’s radio, asking Ray why he’s listening to “white music.”)  Ray tells Andre that the only way he’ll ever have a decent home is if he improves his grades and goes to college.  Andre, however, is more interested in Nicole (Maia Campbell), who comes from a wealthy family and who works, “after school,” as Ray’s administrative assistant.  When Andre hears that Nicole wants to go to Princeton, Andre decides that he wants to go there too.

Ray is hesitant to give Nicole’s number to Andre, which Andre takes to mean that Ray thinks that Andre isn’t good enough to date a girl from an upper class family.  However, the next day, Ray has a change of heart and invites Andre to come to church with him and Nicole’s family.  An excited Andre agrees but, unfortunately, this means taking the bus once again.  When the guy who previously pulled a gun on him sees Andre on the bus, he not only beats up Andre but also steals his good church shoes.

Andre shows up at Ray’s house, bloody and barefoot.  It’s not the best way for Andre to meet Nicole’s parents.  When Nicole promises that she’ll check on how Andre is doing after church, Nicole’s mother responds, “No, you won’t.”  Ouch!

Ray takes Andre home where Joan announces that Andre is no longer allowed to ride the bus, regardless of how he feels about Nicole.  Andre, having paid Nicole’s cousin five dollars for her number, calls Nicole and promises her that they’ll see each other, regardless of what their parents think.

This was a strong episode.  It can be easy to get annoyed with Andre, who tends to talk a big game but, watching this episode, it’s obvious that he’s perhaps the most naïve character on the show.  The only male role model that he has in his life is Ray and, as this episode makes clear, Ray is well-meaning but doesn’t exactly understand the realities that Andre has to deal with on a day-to-day basis.  I mean, what’s the point of having a mentor if there’s a good chance you’re going to get killed trying to visit him?  Andre refuses to surrender and rides the bus a second time in order to see Nicole and he gets mugged for his trouble.  With the whole world seeming to be against him, who can be surprised that getting good grades isn’t his number one concern?

Episode 1.4 “CO-op”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on May 3rd, 1994)

It’s a big day for all the members of the Mosely family!

Andre manages to get a ride into Inglewood, where he shows up unannounced at Ray’s office and finally gets Nicole to agree to go out on a date with him on Friday.  I have to admit that I cringed a bit at the scene where Andre showed up, if just because I worked as an administrative assistant when I first got out of college and I know how annoying it is to have some jerk show up and try to keep you from getting your filing done.  If the previous episode was about revealing Andre’s hidden depths, this episode was all about his immaturity.  Nicole’s decision to kiss Andre and make a date with him honestly felt more like her rebelling against her parents than actually being attracted to Andre as an individual.

While Andre is getting a date with Nicole, Joan is getting humiliated on television.  When Bobby (Clifton Powell) arranges for the local news to come do a live spot from the Ujamaa Co-op, he introduces Joan as being someone that he (and the Co-op) saved from having to go on welfare by hiring her to bag groceries.  When Joan snaps that Bobby humiliated her, Bobby challenges her to tell him what was inaccurate about anything he said.  Joan points out that, for someone who claims to be all about sacrificing for the community, Bobby certainly has the money to afford “a new dashiki.”  And Joan does have a point.  Bobby is one of the more interesting characters on the show, mixing a sincere desire to improve his community with a healthy ego that prevents him from realizing just how condescending he can be when spreading his message.

Of course, with Andre and Joan both occupied, it falls on Tasha to once again sacrifice her plans so that she can take care of Deion and make sure that he goes to his therapy session.  Deion, who doesn’t converse but does often yell, strikes Tasha at one point and, by the time Tasha arrives at the therapist’s office, she’s sick of dealing with him.  The therapist (CCH Pounder) sends Deion to play in another room and then talks to Tasha.  Tasha finally gets to talk about how unfair it is that, because she’s the responsible one, she’s the one who is always expected to give up her plans.  This really was Tasha Scott’s showcase episode and she did a great job showing how difficult it is to have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.  This episode works because it not only acknowledges Tasha’s anger but it also admits that there isn’t an easy solution.  The therapist doesn’t come up with some perfect turn of the phrase that makes everything better.  Instead, in the end, Tasha takes some comfort in the fact that the now calm Deion briefly reaches out towards her, showing her the first real appreciation that she’s received in the series.

Next week, Tasha and Andre’s father briefly returns to their lives.

Here’s The Trailer For Nyad


Obviously, no one wants to be dismissive of a trailer for a film that features both Annette Bening and Jodie Foster but I have to admit that, when I first watched the trailer for Nyad, it almost felt like a parody of what would have been automatic Oscar bait in 2010.  I mean, it’s a true story and Bening and Foster are almost always both great and I sure as heck couldn’t swim all the way from Florida to Cuba but …. well, we’ll see!  Nyad will play in theaters starting on October 20th and is schedule to stream on Netflix in November!

Here’s the trailer!

Anthony Hopkins Brings Tears To Your Eyes In The Trailer For One Life


In the upcoming film, One Life, Anthony Hopkins plays Sir Nicholas Winton, a stockbroker who, in the 1930s, helped to facilitate the rescue of 669 children from Czechoslovakia on the eve of World War II, in a operation that was known as Czech Kindertransport.  Winton’s action were largely unknown to the general public for 50 years, until he was invited to appear on a television program This Is Your Life.  It was then that he met many of the now-grown children whose lives he had saved.

Casting Anthony Hopkins, who has played his share of villains but who is always at his best when playing kindly men who try to do the right thing, as Nichols Winton seems like the perfect decision for the film version of this beautiful story.  Here’s the trailer.

Here’s The Trailer For The Burial


Normally, the trailer for The Burial is not the type of trailer that would really catch my attention but, with all of the recent concerns about Jamie Foxx’s health, it’s a little bit heartwarming to watch just how energetic Foxx is in this trailer.  (Of course, The Burial was filmed before Foxx’s recent struggles.)  Personally, I think Foxx’s high energy and Tommy Lee Jones’s more subdued (some might say “grouchy”) approach could be an interesting combination.

The Burial is set to be released in theaters on October 6th and on Prime on October 13th.

Scenes That I Love: The Puppet Scene From Deep Red


Today is a special day here at the Shattered Lens as we celebrate the birthday of Dario Argento!

Now, we’ve got a lot of Argento-related stuff scheduled for October so, for today, I’m just going to share one of the best scenes from one of my favorite Argento films, 1975’s Deep Red.  This scene features what is seriously the creepiest puppet that I’ve ever seen.