Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.6 “Chef’s Special/Beginning Anew/Kleinschmidt”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance!

Episode 5.6 “Chef’s Special/Beginning Anew/Kleinschmidt”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 7th, 1981)

As the passengers board the boat and prepare to set sail, Isaac and Vicki can’t help but notice Gertrude Turner (Trish Noble) and Kurt Kleinschmidt (Siegfried van Kapelhoff).  Gertrude is rich, single, and wearing a very valuable ring.  Kleinschmidt is a German insurance agent who Gertrude has hired to guard her jewelry, though she later reveals that she’s not really that worried about her jewels but instead, she just enjoys Kleinschmidt’s company.

“That man looks just like Doctor Bricker!” Isaac says.

And yes, it must be said that, despite his thick German accent, Siegfried van Kapelhoff, the actor playing Kleinschmidt, does indeed look a lot like Bernie Kopell, the actor who played Doc Bricker.  They’re both tall, thin, in their early 40s, and they even have the same hair color and bone structure.  What are the chances of that happening?  I mean, seriously….

Wait a minute….

THAT’S NOT SIEGFRIED VAN KAPELHOFF AT ALL!

Just as Gavin MacLeod used to do whenever one of Stubing’s brothers boarded the boat, this episode finds Bernie Kopell playing two roles.  Not only does he play Doc Bricker but he also play Kleinschmidt.  And yes, there is a scene where Kleinschmidt talks to Doc Bricker.  It’s done via split screen and it’s not at all convincing.  Bricker doesn’t even appear to be looking at Kleinschmidt while talking to him.

Gertrude’s ring does vanish at one point, which leads to Kleinschmidt interrogating the crew and eventually attempting to arrest Gopher.  Of course, the truth of the matter is that Gertrude herself hid the ring so that Kleinschmidt would stay on the boat with her.  (Kleinschmidt, feeling insecure about his detective abilities, was originally planning on flying home as soon as the boat docked in Mexico.)  When Stubing learns that Gertrude faked the robbery, he is surprisingly understanding, despite the fact that doing so led to Kleinschmidt harassing his entire crew.  I’m not sure that I really bought Stubing’s reaction but maybe he just thought Kleinschmidt was Doc in disguise.

The Kleinschmidt story was far more amusing than it really had any right being.  That was almost totally due to Bernie Kopell, who seemed to really enjoy the chance to play such an over-the-top character.  Kleinschmidt was definitely a bit cartoonish but Kopell’s likability went a long way towards making the character’s stupidity not just tolerable but also kind of sweet.

While all that’s going on, the Love Boat’s chef (Jay Johnson) gets upset when a new chef (Leslie Easterbrook) is hired to work in the kitchen with him.  This storyline requires the audience to believe that 1) no one would bother to warn the original chef that he’s getting a new colleague and 2) that the new chef would risk ruining her reputation just to avoid hurting her predecessor’s feelings.  The less said about this story the better.

Finally, Jenny Langley (Joan Fontaine) boards the cruise and is stunned to see that her former lover, Stan Ellis (Richard Basehart), is on the boat.  Jenny and Stan haven’t seen each other since the end of World War II.  Now, Stan is a widower who has been in a wheelchair ever since the car accident that killed his wife.  Jenny tries to help Stan come out of his shell and find the courage to embrace life.  Stan is resistant but finally comes around.  But when Stan asks Jenny to marry him, Jenny refuses.  Jenny is going blind.  Stan, however, doesn’t care about that.  And, also …. Stan can walk!  It turns out that his paralysis was just psychosomatic.

This storyline was one that I probably would have liked better if I hadn’t found myself thinking about my Dad whenever Stan was onscreen.  (Before he died, my Dad was also in a wheelchair as the result of a traffic accident.)  I will say that Joan Fontaine is wonderful in her role.  This storyline was handled well but right now, the pain of losing my Dad is still too fresh for me to have really enjoyed it.  That said, Fontaine and Basehart were old pros at this type of melodrama and this storyline had a lot to offer fans of old school romance.  This was definitely a storyline for the TCM crowd and I mean that as a compliment!

With two stories that worked and a third one that wasn’t too much of a distraction, this was a worthwhile cruise.

 

Song of the Day: Under the Eye of the Electric Storm by Depth Charge (RIP, J. Saul Kane)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s song of the day is in tribute to Jonathan Saul Kane, who died earlier this month at the age of 55.  This British DJ was also known as Depth Charge and The Octagon Man and he is one of the many people who have been credited, over the years, as being the inventor of both trip hop and big beat.  Along with founding several key independent record labels, Kane was also sampling Kung Fu movies before it was cool.  In fact, as one of the founders Made In Hong Kong, Kane played a key role in introducing Hong Kong action to the west.

As for today’s song of the day, Under The Eye Of The Electric Storm was first released in 1991.

RIP, J. Saul Kane.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.19 “The Eighth Seal”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Mitch gets possessed!

Episode 2.19 “The Eighth Seal”

(Dir by Jon Cassar, originally aired on April 26th, 1997)

Twice, Mitch saves a young girl named Jenny (Esme Ganz) from jumping off a bridge.  When Mitch discovers the Jenny’s adoptive parents don’t seem to care whether she lives or dies, he brings her back to his house and lets her stay the night while he tries to figure out what to do about her.

What Mitch doesn’t know is that Jenny is possessed by a demon named Teddy.  When Mitch does discover that Jenny is housing a denizen of the damned, he does the worst possible thing that one can do in that situation.  He pulls a Karras and allows the demon to enter him.  Now, Mitch is possessed.  Can Daimont and Ryan get the demon out of Mitch or will Mitch have to run in front of truck in order to knock Teddy out of him?

Believe it or not, Mitch does the latter.  He runs in front of a truck!  The truck hits him and sends Mitch falling backwards.  Mitch is out cold.  While Ryan and Daimont try to revive him, Mitch’s spirit is visited by Stephanie Holden (Alexandra Paul).  Though this was Stephanie’s first (and only) appearance on Baywatch Nights, she was a prominent member of the Baywatch ensemble for several seasons.  Her character, who was always implied to have feelings for Mitch, was eventually killed off.  Stephanie’s spirit appears and yes, she is wearing the red Baywatch swimsuit.  And while it’s actually a pretty sweet scene as Stephanie tells Mitch that it’s not his time to die, it’s hard not to smile at the fact that Stephanie is apparently still a lifeguard in the afterlife.  It’s like she went to Heaven and said, “Give me the reddest and tightest one-piece that you have.”

Things end happily.  Mitch is no longer possessed.  Jenny is no longer possessed.  Jenny’s adoptive parents are consumed in Hellfire but that’s okay because they sucked.  And, for once, the viewer is happy as well because this is actually a pretty good episode of Baywatch Nights.  Seriously, you have not lived until you’ve seen David Hasselhoff pretend to be possessed by a demon.  Beyond that, though, his reunion with Stephanie was actually pretty poignant, red swimsuit and all.  If nothing else, it gave Mitch a chance to say goodbye to Stephanie, which was something he never really got to do in Baywatch.

Speaking of Baywatch, do you think Mitch went to his day job and told all the lifeguards, “Hey, you won’t believe what happened to me this weekend!”  Probably not.  I don’t know if I’d want to work with someone who had a history of getting possessed by demons.  That may just be me, though.

 

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Smiles, everyone!

Episode 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 6th, 1982)

Once again, Julie is not involved in either of this week’s fantasies.  At the start of the episode, Roarke tells Tattoo that Julie has been trying to help a guest whose fantasy was to introduce “women’s lib” to cavemen.  A woman then runs by while being chased by a caveman.  Apparently, the fantasy did not go well.  I’m a bit worried that Julie might lose her job because none of the fantasies that she’s involved with ever seem to go well.

As for this week’s guests, Chuck Conners shows up as Frank Barton.  Barton is a big-game hunter.  He has hunted and conquered almost every type of animal.  Now, he wants to hunt the most dangerous animal of all …. okay, okay, you’ve heard all this before.  This is not the first time that Fantasy Island has looked to The Most Dangerous Game for inspiration.  However, this is the first time that the show has featured a hunter who specifically wants to stalk Mr. Roarke.

It’s a bit of an odd fantasy, though.  Frank doesn’t want to chase Mr. Roarke through the forest or anything like that.  Instead, Frank just wants to plant booby traps around the Island.  If Mr. Roarke survives 24 hours, he’ll be fee to set a few traps of his own.  Roarke agrees, explaining to Tattoo that, if Frank doesn’t come after him then he’ll go after someone else.  Roarke is doing the world a favor by distracting Frank.

Frank tries, he really does.  He tries poison.  He tries explosives.  Even though Mr. Roarke agrees not to use any of his “special powers,” he always manages to stay a step or two ahead of Frank.  Finally, Frank kidnaps Tattoo and that’s when Mr. Roarke says enough of this.  If you’ve ever wanted to see Mr. Roarke beat up a guest, this is the episode for you.  Frank ends up leaving the Island in the custody of two burly men who are apparently going to check him into a mental hospital.  Frank got his fantasy but it didn’t turn out well for him.  At least he wasn’t trying to reason with cavemen….

Meanwhile, Suzi Swann (Helen Reddy) comes to the Island with her boss, fashion designer Jack Becker (George Maharis).  Suzi is in love with Jack but Jack takes her for granted.  Suzi’s fantasy is to fall out of love with him and …. wait a minute!  Didn’t Helen Reddy sing “I am Woman?”  Why is the show wasting her time with this fantasy when they could have cast her as the guest who wanted to teach the cavemen about equality?  If they had done that, Julie could have worked with Helen Reddy and Roarke and Tattoo would have been free to concentrate on Frank and his homicidal fantasy!  I mean, I think it was a mistake to give Roarke two assistants for this season but if you’re going to have Julie around, at least let her take part in one of the main fantasies….

Oh well.  Let’s get back to the fantasy that actually did happen.

Roarke gives Suzi some magic gumdrops that were apparently made with special Fantasy Island berries.  The gumdrops make Suzi feel the opposite of whatever she previously felt.  She takes one and immediately announced that she doesn’t like either Roarke or Tattoo.  “You’re short!” Suzi says to Tattoo which …. ugh.  That’s a terrible line, considering that the show has previously always treated Tattoo’s height with a good deal of sensitivity.

Suzi is no longer in love with Jack and instead, she finds herself attracted to the mysterious Claude Duvalle (James Darren).  But the fact that she is no longer willing to be Jack’s doormat leads to Jack realizing that he failed to appreciate her.  Jack falls in love with Suzi and Suzi falls back in love with Jack.

As Suzi and Jack leave together, Tattoo suggests that Rorake failed to give Suzi her fantasy.  Roarke explains that Suzi fell out of love with the old Jack but then she fell in love with the new Jack so actually, he totally succeeded.  Uhm….whatever you say, Mr. Roarke.

Roarke then takes a magic gumball and tells Tattoo, “I don’t like you.”

AGCK!  But actually, the gumball makes its user for the opposite of what they actually feel so Mr. Roarke actually does like Tattoo!  Awwww!  I’m glad that’s cleared up.

I enjoyed this episode.  Much like last week’s episode it felt like a throwback to the first two seasons of Fantasy Island.  Neither fantasy really made much sense but both Roarke and Tattoo got to do a lot and that really made all the difference.  Fantasy Island always works best when Roarke and Tattoo are more than just bystanders.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.21 “CHP BMX”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch saves us all.

Episode 2.21 “CHP BMX”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on March 3rd, 1979)

The California Highway Patrol is sponsoring a BMX racing team!  Sindy and Baker are the coaches while Ponch is …. well, Ponch is mostly just hanging out.  He does find time to flirt with Ms. Ramirez (Mina Vasquez), a teacher who hopes that joining the team could help out an at-risk student named Danny (Kirk Calloway).  Danny likes to vandalize things.  He’s on his way to juvie if Ponch can’t reach him …. hey, you know the drill.  By this point, we all know how this show works.  Of course, Ponch is going to reach the kid.  With that dazzling smile, Ponch can do anything.

It’s Getraer who has the most to deal with during this episode.  After his son is struck by a car, Getraer becomes so distracted on the job that he messes up the arrest of a drug dealer (Henry Olek).  Told by his superiors to take a week off while his son recovers, Getraer instead starts to tail the dealer on his own.  Getraer is determined to put the man in jail.  Fortunately, Ponch is there to help catch him.  Is there nothing that Ponch can’t do?

Seriously, when I watch an episode like this, I can understand why Larry Wilcox apparently did not enjoy working with Erik Estrada on this show.  While Baker humbly does his job without asking for any special recognition, Ponch is portrayed as being so perfect that you half-expect him to start walking on water.  The theme of this episode — and really, the theme of much of the second season — has been that Ponch can ultimately do no wrong.  Even when it looks like Ponch has screwed up, he ultimately turns out to be infallible.  He’s more than just a member of the California Highway Patrol.  He’s St. Ponch of Los Angeles, saving souls while riding his motorcycle amongst the heathens.

It probably sounds like I’m being critical of this episode but I actually enjoyed it, for much the same reason that I enjoy most episodes of CHiPs.  The car and motorcycle stunts were spectacularly filmed and the scenery was nice to look at.  Even though it rains through a good deal of this episode and Getraer, Baker, and Ponch aren’t exactly hanging out in the most glamorous sections of Los Angeles, this episode still manages to make L.A. look like the loveliest city in the world.

And really, even Erik Estrada is entertaining.  It’s easy to laugh at his big smile and his less-than-subtle acting technique but that’s just Estrada being Estrada and, in the world of CHiPs, it works.

The important thing is that everything works out.  Danny wins his race.  Getraer’s son gets out of the hospital.  And maybe Baker will get to do something more than smile at Ponch next week.  We’ll see!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us for Broken Path!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 2008’s Broken Path!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Broken Path on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.8 “Better Living Through Chemistry”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Tubbs’s cover is blown …. again.

Episode 3.8 “Better Living Through Chemistry”

(Dir by Leon Ichaso, originally aired on November 14th, 1986)

While working undercover as Ricardo Cooper (and yes, I’m pretty sure I heard the fake Caribbean accent at the start of this episode), Tubbs is stunned to discover that his former partner from New York, Clarence Batisse (Victor Love), is now working as a DJ at a club owned by a local drug lord.

Tubbs is even more shocked when Clarence announces to the entire club that “Ricardo Cooper” is actually an undercover cop.

Somehow, and it’s not really made clear how, Tubbs is able to escape the club without getting shot.  Sonny also somehow manages to convince the drug dealers that he didn’t know that Tubbs was actually a cop.  So, Sonny “Burnett” continues to play his part in the undercover operation while Tubbs tries to figure out why Clarence blew his cover.

Clarence is bitter.  His career with the NYPD came crashing down when he shot a bookie during a raid.  Clarence claimed the bookie had a gun but the gun was never found.  Tubbs didn’t see the gun and refused to lie for his partner.  However, when Tubbs realizes that Clarence has been reduce to working for a drug lord, he sets about to try to clear Clarence’s name.

Meanwhile, informant Izzy (Martin Ferrero) has been hired to babysit the drug lord’s chemist, nerdy Henry Luna (Nelson Villamor).  Luna has developed cocaine that is so pure that most people can’t even survive doing one hit.  The Vice squad know that, if the cocaine hits the streets, it will lead to a gang war.  But then Luna does a hit of his own cocaine and falls over dead.

Tubbs does manage to clear Clarence’s name but it doesn’t matter.  Clarence has gone so far over to the dark side that he sets up Tubbs and Crockett to be attacked in a surprise raid.  Tubbs and Crockett kill the bad guys and, at the end of the episode, Tubbs takes Clarence into custody.  A good cop has gone very bad….

This was a weird episode.  It was technically a Tubbs episode but it seemed like the majority of the running time was taken up with Izzy babysitting the chemist.  Izzy is one of those supporting characters who works best in small amounts.  Building almost an entire episode around him just serves to highlight that there’s really not much depth to Izzy as a character.  He’s cowardly and he talks a lot.  It’s funny until it isn’t, which is another way of saying that it gets old after ten minutes.  The comedy of Izzy and the Chermist didn’t really fit in with the scenes of Tubbs trying to clear his former partner’s name.  The tone of the episode was all over the place, making this a rare Miami Vice episode that didn’t seem to know what it wanted to be.

On the plus side, the drug lord owned a club that was full of motorcycles and where Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer was the most popular song.  There was one very exciting shoot-out at the club.  That was a good thing.  Otherwise, this was Miami Vice at its least effective.