Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.
This week, there’s a monster in the cellar!
Episode 1.11 “Rouse Him Not”
(Dir by Mark Shostrom, originally aired on December 31st, 1988)
Linda McGuire (Laraine Newman) is a painter who, for financial reasons, has moved from New York to a cottage in New England. (As she explains it, she wouldn’t even be able to afford the tiniest hovel in New York for the amount she’s paying for the cottage.) Along with hoping to paint some landscapes, Linda also plans to transform the cellar into her own personal art gallery.
Unfortunately, things are not going quite as well as one might hope. First off, the scenery is not as inspiring as Linda thought it would be. Instead of painting beautiful landscapes, she’s been painting portraits of the cottage, often with a dark figure standing in the doorway.
Secondly, her neighbor, Mr. Ritzen (Terrence Evans), keeps peeking through her windows. Linda thinks that he’s just a perv but Mr. Ritzen actually has another reason for continually checking on her and the cottage.
One day, after Linda chases off Mr. Ritzen, she is visited by a mysterious man named John Thunston (Alex Cord). The eccentric Thunston informs her that her cottage was once the home of a warlock named Crett Marrouby. The warlock was hung by the other townspeople, an event that was witnessed by Mr. Ritzen. Before Crett was executed, he warned everyone to avoid using black magic because they might accidentally summon something evil.
While Thunston is talking to Linda, a guttural roar comes from the cellar. When Thunston and Linda go down to check on what is making all the noise, Thunston discovers that, as a result of Linda’s renovations, a mystic seal has been broken. Thunston speculates that Crett summoned a demon and then used the seal to keep it trapped in the cellar. Now that the seal has been broken, the demon is free to attack and kill. Fortunately, Thunston just happens to have a special sword that he claims can be used to behead and kill the demon. Now, it’s just a matter of waiting for the demon to appear and removing demon’s head before the demon removes Thunston’s.
The odd thing about this episode was how straight-forward it was. I kept waiting for some sort of diabolical twist that would reveal that Linda was actually a witch or that Thunston was actually the warlock but it never came. Instead, everyone in this episode was exactly who they said they were and the monster was pretty much exactly what Thunston thought it would be. Things would have been improved by a sudden twist or two because, despite an effective monster and a enjoyably campy performance from Alex Cord, this episode is pretty boring. The premise promises some Lovecraft-style horror but the anti-climatic conclusion will leave most viewers saying, “Really? That’s it?”
Next week, let’s hope that things will be a bit more interesting when three friends battle a fire-breathing troll!
Through the Shattered Lens 